100 More (Yes, More) Ways to Tell If You're Addicted to the Times

by simsman24000

I suppose what was said above was simply an excuse to generate a couple of laughs and introduce you to the third part of the series of ways to tell if you're addicted to The Neopian Times.

Three parts? I know what you're thinking-how many does he plan on doing? Well, trilogies aren't that bad; if we didn't have trilogies, we wouldn't have things with three parts in them! So I present to you, with the SHORTEST introduction that I've ever written in my not-so-long life, the third part to the series. Yes, it's 100 More (Yes, MORE!) Ways To Tell If You're Addicted To The Neopian Times!

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100. When you insist it's the end of the world when the NT doesn't come out before Sunday.
99. When you notice a mistake in a story and send constant Neomails to get it fixed.
98. When you insist that Letters to the Editors in magazines be renamed Letters to Snowflake.
97. When you read the prequels to this article.
96. When you thought this article was a sequel.
95. When you complain about the lack of Babaas at the petting zoo.
94. When you spend several hours trying to sew a costume of Dr_Death.
93. When "Meep" and "Piffle" are on a post-it note in your dictionary.
92. When you noticed something odd about this number last time.
91. When you consider the Ixi of Doom as your alter ego.
90. When you try to purchase Snowflake's dress from Sotheby's.
89. When you bribe Felicia to get into the Times.
88. When "keyboarding" is listed as one of your hobbies.
87. When your Passover cedar plate is equipped with a Shankly bone.
86. When you turn in a story from last week's NT to your English teacher.
85. When you compare Times characters with random people on the street.
84. When you count down the days to Issue 100.
83. When you use 2 reasons.
82. To waste space.
81. When you bought a box of quills because you heard the Times was stopping.
80. When you made a memorial for Issue 75.
79. When you go outside with your Pocket Neopet in an attempt to walk it.
78. When you hold discussions of the Times, waiting for it to come out.
77. When you actually draw plushies of your favorite characters.
76. When you send your favorite authors presents on their birthdays.
75. When you wear a white wedding dress on the first day of winter.
74. When number 74 is the last addiction and you're at a loss for an idea.
73. When you trade your Neopian Times Issue 3 for a friend's Neopian Times Issue 3.
72. When you can click on the link to the Comics without the picture loading.
71. When you scoff whenever you see the New York Times.
70. When you cry yourself to sleep waiting for the Times to come out.
69. You insist that Neopian Times Issue 3 should be made Rarity 99 and sold in the Hidden Tower.
68. When you go to a barber shop in search of Shankly's sideburns.
67. When you realize where the name Attilla the Lupe really came from.
66. When the only fitting punishment becomes grounding you from the Times.
65. If 604,801 seconds pass before a new issue comes out, you have a nervous breakdown.
64. When you go to Wall Street to talk about the latest stock report in the News Brief.
63. When you devote your life to finding out why there's an underscore between Dr and Death.
62. When your voice-activated Shoyru says "The Neopian Times Rules!"
61. When you classify people as nerds if they don't know what "Meep" is.
60. When you personally deliver a submission to Felicia's home.
59. When you waste your time trying to think of 41 more ways to fill up a list.
58. When you run out of titles for articles about ways to tell if you're addicted to the Times.
57. When you complain that Garden Benches are more important than Darigan.
56. When you're engrossed in how cool it would be if there was a movie about your favorite characters.
55. When detention becomes yet another place to think up stories for next week's issue.
54. When you sneak Chet Flash into your everyday conversation.
53. When you realize that you CHET FLASH!! every morning.
52. When you're begging the Art Gallery people to make a special just for Times artists.
51. When you research Hagar Mountbane for a history paper.
50. When you submit an essay to Felicia and turn in an article about limited edition pets to your teacher by accident.
49. When you submit an essay to Felicia and turn in an article about limited edition pets to your teacher… on purpose.
48. When you constantly send in queries to cereal companies asking for Times-O's.
47. When you think your Science teacher looks like Al.
46. When you read previous issues in your spare time.
45. When you make a self quiz to see if you're addicted to the Times.
44. When you have plushies of Snowflake and Mr. Pickles-in real life.
43. When you write a song called "Waiting for the Times."
42. When your song is rejected for Neopia's national anthem.
41. When you make an account called golden_feather.
40. When you block all Neofriend requests to people who lack Times trophies.
39. When you file a Missing Persons Report for Felicia when the NT comes out late.
38. When you beg Adam and Donna to make more Neopian Times Issues as items.
37. When you shout "Meep!" when a teacher calls on you in class.
36. When you use the calendar in your agenda book to plan your submissions for the upcoming weeks.
35. When you write an article about ways to get rejected from the Times.
34. When it gets rejected.
33. When you send no fewer than ten submissions each week and wonder why they don't get published.
32. When you try to explain to your classmates what a sheep of doom is.
31. When you submit "Neopian Times" as the Word of the Day, even though it's a phrase.
30. When you prod Josh to legally change his name to Mister Shankly.
29. When your Snowflake shrine melted. :(
28. When you write articles about writing articles.
27. When you call your local T.V. station demanding that they do a news story about the plight of a Times author.
26. When you make jelly out of dung.
25. When you notice similarities between Harry the Grarrl and that big purple dinosaur that all the children worship.
24. When you wonder why your "Pineapples Are Taking Over Neopia-What Can We Do?" article isn't published.
23. When you use underscores instead of spaces.
22. When some of these ways actually apply to you.
21. When all of these ways actually apply to you.
20. You consider anyone who doesn't read the Times to be a freak.
19. Your friends consider you to be a freak because you read the Times.
18. When you pick petals off of flowers, saying "I'm in the Times, I'm not in the Times, I'm in the Times, I'm not in the Times…."
17. When you try to buy a Shoyru at your local pet store.
16. When you're too busy to try and buy a Shoyru at your local pet store because you're still picking petals off of flowers.
15. When you wonder why CHIA isn't in the stock report this week in your local newspaper.
14. When The Neopian Times is your local newspaper.
13. When you do a book report on The Neopian Times.
12. When you try to spell out NEOPIAN TIMES with alphabet soup.
11. When a picture of Felicia resides in a locket around your neck.
10. When you send fruit baskets to Felicia for a job well done on the Times each week.
9. When you stand in front of the Spectre of Darigan and convince him to give you an interview.
8. When you can clearly memorize all the other ways of addiction.
7. When you barrage the Neopets Team with e-mails asking why they made "Cursed Ink Pots" and didn't give them to the authors of the Times.
6. When you go to a comic book shop demanding to see a one-book edition of the "Shoyru Squadron."
5. When you pray that Darigan's Orb has the power to make the Times come out each Friday.
4. When you have a post-it on your desk that says "E-mail Felicia, RE: Times."
3. When you're accused of not listening, you claim that your ears were full of Minwax. (ba-dum-ch!)
2. When you successfully write 299 ways to tell if you're addicted to the Neopian Times.
1. When you add one more.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Introductory Speech - Martin Luther King, Jr… kinda. ;) -Thanks to the following people for more of their astoundingly great addictions: adorablelapin, Battlesunn, bludragn3, calvinseviltwin, Cheshil, irishdragonlord, Jessie 'Mango-Pie Spork', jinjolover, LDF, leb388, lvrgirl91, meowth4, meratocat, Onda_Bianca, plushieowner, poy222, PuzzledPuzzler, sol_luna_estrella, starhamster42, and teghan62. Sorry to everyone for the horrible introduction ;)

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