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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 24th day of Swimming, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 82 > Articles > Heroes of Neopia: Sir Cheekalot

Heroes of Neopia: Sir Cheekalot

by bluescorchio104

HEROES OF NEOPIA- After admiring various types of Sir Cheekalot battle shields, I wondered about the life and times of this forgotten hero, whose only legacy to Neopia was a few shields. I wondered, just maybe, if I could somehow find out more about this Kacheek knight. So, like the stupid-who-doesn't-think-of-perilous-consequences-of-stupid-actions guy I am, I decided, because of my dedication to all things brave, righteous and chivalrous (well, not really, I just wanted to see if I could get free shield) to interview this chain mail-wearing Kacheek knight.

Firstly, the huge, gets-right-in-your-face issue, of how I was going to find this Kacheek in the first place, faced me. So, like I always do, I wandered around Meridell hoping to get lucky and just happen to cross paths with Sir Cheekalot himself. No such luck. I must have walked around for hours! (Well, in truth, maybe 15 minutes or so. But hey, what's the difference?) So, naturally enough, I got my Neopet to fly around and see if he could spot him. Unfortunately, Bluefire104 was unable to see Sir Cheekalot anywhere. Suddenly, I was hit by a stroke of genius (and boy, did it hurt). Why not go play Round Table Poker? I mean... knights always hang around the Round Table, right? They go together like peanut butter and jelly, shoes and socks, teachers and homework, dung beetles and bicycles (Maybe not quite like dung beetles and bicycles). Anyway, when I got to the Round Table, it wasn't even round. My first thought was to sue someone for misleading the Neopian public, but then I thought, hey, it's the closest thing to a Round Table in Meridell, so he's go to be here. So, I stayed, played few rounds of Round Table Poker, and happened to, through no fault of my own, lose every single round and end up owing 1.7 million Neopoints. After all that, I still couldn't find Sir Cheekalot! So, I despondently left the Round Table and started heading for home, my faithful Scorchio at my side.

As I passed through a marketplace, Bluefire104 happened to spot some really cheap Battledome weapons. So, we went over to check them out, and I thought that at least something good would come out of this trip. It just so happened that the shopkeeper had some Sir Cheekalot Trial Shields on sale, for 20% off. So, as I was shelling out the NP for them, I was hit by yet another stroke of genius (which luckily hurt less than the last time.) So, my brain formulated a plan. Why not ask the shopkeeper where he got had the shield from? So I did.

It turned out he had obtained it from another shopkeeper. So I went to that other shopkeeper. He said that he got it as a present from his uncle. So, I went to his uncle. His uncle said that he had got it from a Defenders of Neopia repossessed item auction. And so on, and so on, and so on... Eventually, I traced it back to this balaclava wearing, suspicious looking Acara, who, after a little forceful persuasion from Bluefire104, admitted to stealing it from 15 Joust Avenue. I quickly went to the address, discovering that 15 Joust Avenue was more of a Neocastle than a NeoHome. After identifying myself as a Neopian Times Reporter to the guard, he quickly lowered the drawbridge, raised the portcullis, and let me enter. After being guided through several twisting and turning stone corridors, Bluefire104 and I were asked to wait in a small cosy room, with several comfortable chairs. So, I sat down in one, and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, I had had enough of waiting. I tried to find my out via several corridors, becoming hopelessly lost in the process. Bluefire104 whining about the lack of lunch didn't help either. Eventually, I came out into a huge courtyard, well, more of an arena. Two armoured figures were jousting, and I sat down in a nearby seat to watch. After watching the smaller of the two knights win unexpectedly, I walked up to him, intent on asking directions to find my way out of the castle. To my surprise, it was none other than Sir Cheekalot himself. So, after politely requesting an interview and a few formalities, we got started.

Bluescorchio104: So, Sir Cheekalot, finally nice to meet you. Although all of Neopia knows you're a heroic knight, what did you do to earn that status?

Sir Cheekalot: I am but a simple knight, going about one's proper duties.

Bluescorchio104: Yes, we know that, but what did you do to become a knight?

Sir Cheekalot: Well, it was just a simple matter. I simply defeated a dangerous beast in combat. I took it upon myself to do whatever any other mere Neopian would do in the face of danger.

Bluescorchio104: Just what was this dangerous beast?

Sir Cheekalot: Oh, the dangerous beast? T'was the Snowager.

Bluescorchio104: The Snowager!

Sir Cheekalot: No more, no less.

Bluescorchio104: Amazing! How did this dangerous battle come about?

Sir Cheekalot: I was but a simple lad, dreaming of such doings. Indeed, if it were not for my dear sister's lost Petpet, I might have not become a knight as I have.

Bluescorchio104: Your sister's lost Petpet?

Sir Cheekalot: Indeed. The maiden's dear companion had wandered into somewhere in yonder Winterland. The duty fell upon me as the eldest to re-acquire the lost Babaa. As I was searching among the snow, I spotted the Babaa's black face, but before I could prevent the action, she had ventured into yonder cave. It was there, once I had ventured inside, I encountered that great and terrible beast.

Bluescorchio104: So, how did you react?

Sir Cheekalot: As any other knight would react, my dear sir! I readied my weapons, and hastened to spear the beast upon my mighty sword. But t'was not to be, for the terrifying beast was not to be defeated so easily. After a long and hard battle, I emerged from the creature's lair victorious, my sister's Babaa in hand.

Bluescorchio104: Wow! How inspiring. Tell, me, how many times have you faced huge and terrifying beasts?

Sir Cheekalot: Oh, many a time. Maybe five score or so times. And not once did I fail to achieve my goal.

Bluescorchio104: Whoa! A hundred times! What kind of enemies have you faced?

Sir Cheekalot: Oh, the very scum of Neopia. Evil creatures like the Esophagor, the Shadow Usul, even a clone of Dr. Sloth.

Bluescorchio104: And just how did your Battle Shields get out onto the market?

Sir Cheekalot: Oh, those shields were gifts to pretty maidens and admirers. Those ungrateful wretches saw fit to immediately sell my noble armour like a, like a -

Bluescorchio104: Organic Tomato?

Sir Cheekalot: Hmm, I suppose the resemblance to the situation is accurate, if slightly coarse.

Bluescorchio104: Uh, that's good to know. How about showing me a few tricks of the trade before I go? Please?

Sir Cheekalot: Certainly, dear sir.

Sir Cheekalot drew his sword, and stepped out into the center of the arena. His servants, sensing the situation, brought out several logs and stood them up vertically. Once this was done, Sir Cheekalot moved his sword in intricate patterns, gracefully weaving in and out of the logs, all the while flashing his sword with greater speed, until it was no more than a whir of blazing light. Riveted, I watched as Sir Cheekalot wove through out the logs again, and again, until he came to a total stop.

A light breeze blew past, and the logs fell down, each split several times, each piece exactly the same size as the last. Then, he handed me a Lightning Gun. Confused, I stood there like an idiot until Sir Cheekalot told me what to do. I started shooting at Sir Cheekalot, first at his legs, then arms, then head, and then all over, aiming at random body parts. Once again, Sir Cheekalot's sword became a blur, deflecting every single lightning bolt perfectly. By the end of the exercise, Sir Cheekalot had not even a single singed whisker. One of the logs however, had the message 'Honour, Hope and Chivalry' burnt into it, by way of numerous deflected lightning bolts. Impressive, huh? I know I was sure impressed. After a half hour, during which Sir Cheekalot tried to teach Bluefire104 to handle a sword properly (with very little success I must admit) Bluefire104 and I left for home, my thirst for knowledge quenched, and Bluefire104's dreams of becoming a fine swordsman crushed.

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