No expense was spared, and piled high were hefty slabs of meat of all kinds, bountiful fruits and exotic produce, stacks of potatoes and cheese. The fountains were flowing with liquid chocolate and the most complex of desserts that only trained chefs could make.

And his favourite. His eyes glimmered gleefully as his greedy paw grabbed a single coated, crispy drumstick.

“The best chicken in Neopia!” he bellowed, raising it in the air triumphantly before gnawing down and ripping a chunk of meat away from the bone with great vigour. “Let us eat!!!”

“Hm…” King Hagan, mused. “I think I’ve had better...”

“Impossible,” King Skarl said. “There is no better chicken in Neopia or beyond. My cooks have trained with the Underwater Chef, preparing meals for the great Mumbo Pango.”

“That is quite impressive,” King Hagan acknowledged, casually picking a piece of food from his teeth. “But my chefs worked directly under Bonju, studying culinary arts and cooking for the Shenkuu Masters. Their chicken is undeniably superior.”

The surrounding servants held their breath, and if one listened closely, a murmured sigh of “here we go again,” could be heard amongst the gathered subjects.

“Bah!” King Skarl grunted. “My chefs’ chicken could beat your chefs’ chicken any day.”

“Is that a challenge?” King Hagan cried, getting to his feet.

“You bet your tail it is!” King Skarl roared, waiving the drumstick in the air pointedly.

“Let it be known,” King Hagan declared to the room at large. Several attendees were already exchanging whispered bets and coins under the table. “King Skarl has challenged Brightvale to a cook-off. And to make it interesting, let’s say the loser has to…”

The banquet hall fell silent. One… of those things? What if it exploded? A lump in King Skarl’s throat was gulped away as quickly as it had appeared as he scanned the hall. His subjects looked at him with worry, as whispers began to echo across the table.

“Ew…” one Kacheek murmured.

“How embarrassing…” another voice trailed through the room.

“No King would ever stoop so low!” Skarl bellowed, beads of sweat growing behind his ears.

King Hagan cracked a grin. “You sound worried, brother.”

His calm demeanour *did* worry King Skarl, but he would never back down from an opportunity to best his older sibling.

With their eyes locked, the tension in the air extended through the banquet hall, thick and warm. Murmurs of concern grew louder from the Meridellians; however, the Brightvalian guests had complete faith in their old, wise king.

King Skarl snapped his head toward the table, and spewed “Well, what are you fools waiting for?!”

The guests erupted from their seats and…

Unlike his rival chefs from Brightvale, all born with a silver spoon in their mouth and a golden palate to match, the timid little Moehog could only build experience by watching the best culinary artists from afar and running home to practice in his humble abode.

His success had come slowly but surely as his dedication to conjuring the perfect blend of spices did not go unnoticed by eager citizens near and far. His reliance on locally grown, fresh produce - be it the potato counter stands, the pick your own berries, or the freshest cut of Marrow - earned his cooking three stars from Neopians as close as Brightvale, as far away as Terror Mountain. His commitment to his art inspired even those with little interest in fine dining, and his character did not disappoint, for he never forgot about his lowly beginnings and always offered a warm meal to a Neopian in need.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer proclaimed, "May I present, Meridell's very own, the finest chef of his generation, and the preparer of tonight's feast..."

With that, he tugged on the kitchen's curtains to reveal, the one and only...

SNARGAN????

"I believe there has been a little...misunderstanding..."

Snargan could only offer an apologetic grin as he spoke to Skarl in a voice soft enough that only he would hear. "Heh, well, about that... it seems as though right after the food was served, someone came back here and gave your ol' chef Ricky the offer of a lifetime. Said something about cooking for a banquet Queen Fyora is holding. Looked like they made it worth his while, too," he explained, rubbing his forefinger and thumb together in a way that told Skarl that a lot of money had been involved.

"Hm, this timing is awfully suspicious," Skarl grumbled, leaning in close to whisper with his Royal Treasurer. "Just after we started eating? No way it's a coincidence. I think Hagan set me up."

"I wouldn't put it past him. He knows you'd do anything to show him what for," Snargan snickered. "But that means you're gonna have to find some new chefs pronto. Otherwise, you'd better start putting some lipstick on."

"Get a team of the castle's strongest workers together. I want half of them finding whomever made the offer to Ricky and half of them figuring out exactly where the Moehog went off to. If I can stall for time, we might just stand a chance," Skarl said before turning back to the crowd. "Well, folks, it seems we've run into a slight snafu. We're just gonna have to hold for a few while we fix it."

"Is this a trick? I won't let you wriggle out of this one!" Hagan shouted from the other side of the room. All of his subjects nodded and murmured in agreement.

A trick? Bah! If anyone was pulling something, it was Hagan himself. But Skarl needed to buy all the time he could get. "Not at all, brother. Don't you need time to assemble your culinary team as well? They'll all have to hustle over to the castle before we can get started."

With a roll of his eyes, Hagan nodded. "That is true. Fine, then. I'll send one of my callers right now to assemble them. But as soon as they're here, you'd better be ready..." Then he turned around and began to talk amongst the rest of his court.

Not even a second after Hagan finished speaking, a timid Ixi scampered up to Skarl. "U-um, excuse me, King Skarl?"

Skarl turned to the Ixi and roared. "What? What is it?"

"Aaaah - please don't hurt me, Mister King Sir! I've just come to report that one of your teams has already spotted the person who told Ricky about Fyora's banquet!" The Ixi cried, cowering in fear.

"Right, right, of course. Who is it?"

"It's actually someone I recognize, your Highness, it's..."

The crowd of guests stared, awestruck that the Meridell Castle Treasurer could moonlight as a highly trained chef.

Snargan adopted a sly smile. "But...why don't we make this a bit more interesting, shall we? Fancy a gamble?" he eyed the king brothers.

Hagan huffed, visually unamused.

Rolling his eyes, King Skarl pressed. "What do you want, Snargan? Don't push your luck."

"I love to do just that, my King, but with my abilities, this is the safest bet you'll ever make." His tone was an easy, casual drawl. "In addition to kissing a Mortog, I propose that the king of the losing chef also donates 5,000,000 Neopoints to a purpose of the winning king's choosing."

"Snargan-" Skarl fumed.

"This offer sounds perfectly reasonable to me," cut in King Hagan, extending his hand to King Skarl to solidify the agreement.

Timidly, King Skarl shook his brother's hand.

"Marvelous," Snargan smirked. "I love a hefty wager. Now, who shall be my competition?"

Toda mi vida solo he sido un payaso, un Jester deberia cojer esta oportunidad para demostrarle a Skarl y Hagan que no estoy hecho solo de risas...

...Pero espera quien está hablando como si pudiese participar, grito Hagan super furioso se veia el humo de mal humor en sus oídos.

“Ahem, disculpa. Creo que fui suficiente mal educado de no presentarme...”

Yo soy Blumaroo Court Jester soy el que hace reir a King Skarl y mis oídos oyeron sobre una gran apuesta de muchos Neopuntos y pensé que participaría en este concurso.

King Skarl abre la puerta y se rie en hysteria, “Hahaha! Esto me ha hecho reir demasiado, fue el mejor chiste que me has dado Jester”. Riendose a toda risa dijo King Skarl.

“Eh. Disculpa King Skarl. Estaba hablando en serio.” dijo Jester con cara de vergüenza.

“QUE!?!? Te atreves a decirme que seras parte de este concurso cuando yo soy tu jefe no te atrevas a hablarme así” Dijo King Skarl super furioso.

King Hagan le dijo a King Skarl que se calme. “Creo que el Jester puede tener el talento que nosotros los Reyes no tenemos, mejor vamos a darle una oportunidad de seguro algo se trae planeado.”

Mientras King Skarl estaba hablando bajito no se le entendia nada acepto la propuesta de King Hagan, que truco tendrá Jester para ganar todos esos Neopuntos...

English Translation...

"Good question... Who will be the winner!? 5,000,000 Neopoints is enough to buy a Turmaculus without having to wait at the Rubbish Dump," coughs Jester the Blumaroo.

All my life I've just been a clown, as Jester I should take this opportunity to show Skarl and Hagan that I'm not just made of laughs...

"...But wait - who is speaking as if he could participate in this contest," Hagan shouted super furious, the smoke was seen in his ears in a bad mood.

"Ahem, excuse me. I think I was rude enough not to introduce myself… I am the Blumaroo Court Jester. I am the one who makes King Skarl laugh, and my ears heard about a big bet of many Neopoints, and I thought I would enter this contest."

King Skarl opens the door and laughs in hysteria, “Hahaha! This made me laugh too much, it was the best joke you've ever given me Jester,” laughing out loud said King Skarl.

"Hey. Sorry King Skarl. I was serious." Jester said with an embarrassed face.

"WHAT!?!? You dare to tell me that you will be part of this contest when I am your boss, don't you dare talk to me like that,” said King Skarl super furious.

King Hagan told King Skarl to calm down. "I think the Jester may have the talent that we Kings don't have, we'd better give him a chance, surely something is planned."

While King Skarl was complaining, a deep silence was in the background and he fell quiet. What trick will Jester make to win all those Neopoints...

"Seems interesting and tempting" mumbled King Skarl scratching his chin, "Are you sure you are able to replicate this so-called effect?"

"I am sure, Your Majesty!" nodded the Joker.

"And what, in your repertoire, would be considered sophisticated enough to win this competition? 5,000,000 Neopoints and my honour are at stake and that is too much, even for a king!" said Skarl with a stern and disbelieving look upon his face.

"Blumaroo Burritos! Wait! I know! Do not judge me until I finish my line of reasoning! I am not a professional cook, but I know what matters in a meal: to awake senses with it! The only ingredients we need are: tomatoes, beans and tortillas. Tomatoes are fruits, so I could easily activate the special property I mentioned before, furthermore, they are very versatile, as they can be found in basic dishes like in a Gnorbu Salad, but also in Gourmet Food as in a Meerca Bolognese!" stated the Blumaroo gesturing energetically.

"Then it is settled! " King Skarl raised his right hand to make official his approval, though he could not hide a greedy smile at the simple thought he could win his brother with such an ordinary meal. Definitely a victory in a landslide.

Snargan, on the other hand, did not seem very pleased watching this scene. Things did not go as expected...

Snargan deliberately placed a seemingly nurturing hand on the eager Blumaroo's shoulder.

"Are you truly sure that bouncing food would be pleasing? I would think that it's the taste rather than the effect that would please the judges." Snargan drawled politely.

King Skarrl, gruff around the edges, but discerning piped in, "Snargan what in the tootin' Turmaculus are you up to?"

Snargan whipped around surprised at the accusation.

"My Lord," Snargan spoke with a voice of humility that did not match his body language, "I simply wish Meridell to win this challenge."

"I don't believe that." King Skarrl growled. "I think you have ulterior motives, and I will find out what they are. Until then, it's the dungeons for you!"

The guards walked toward the Meridell game master, when suddenly...

The Brightvalean crowds parted to reveal their side's master chefs.

The Brightvale Fruits Shopkeeper, and...

"RICKY!?" King Skarl roared.

Snargan laughed delightedly at this, and Skarl side-eyed him.

Ricky approached the Meridellian King. "The one and only, sir," replied the Moehog in his refined bourgeoisie accent. "After King Hagan so graciously pulled favour and secured me the position of Head Chef at the Queen's Annual Ball, for all the elite in Faerieland, I agreed to switch allegiance -- to the superior Kingdom, of course."

A growl formed in the blue King's throat. "Why you little rat, you son of a--"

"You, sir," interrupted Ricky, "never allowed me opportunities like this, or room to grow. It was only a matter of time before you lost me."

King Skarl opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. Instead, he frowned pensively; had this been his fault, all along? He turned to the Ixi from earlier, who only gave him an apologetic shrug of "I was about to tell you so."

Ricky and Mx. Fruits took their place on the right side of the castle's grand kitchens. Snargan and Joker walked to the left-side kitchen. Snargan was simply chuckling, though the jester appeared uneasy.

"How can you look so confident?" the Blumaroo whispered to the Skeith beside him.

"Because the plan is back on track." He nodded, and then said with a level voice, "We mess up big time, Hagan gets the money, I get half, and we get to watch the old bat on the throne kiss that ugly as sin Petpet."

Joker just gaped. There was an ulterior motive the whole time! But before he could say anything, the announcer took centre-stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the Zafara proclaimed as he stepped forward. "Welcome to the MERIDELL BRIGHTVALE ULTIMATE DOUBLE COOKING CHALLENGE!" He gestured to the right. "In one corner -- you know them well -- former Meridell's own RICKYYYY, and the one who sells you all sorts of exotic -- insofar as our neigbours to the northwest are exotic -- MIIIXXEED FRUIIIITTSS!"

He gestured to the left. "And in the other corner, we have the treasurer you've probably lost money from at some point in your life -- SNAARRRGGAANN! And the biggest joke in the entire Kingdom -- THE JOOOKKKERRRR!" He smiled sheepishly. "Who will WIIIIIN!? Who's to SAAAYYY? Well... I have my bets sorted out, anyway."

The crowd chuckled at this.

"BEGIN!" the announcer finished before he ran offstage.

The cooking got underway. King Skarl noticed his elder brother smiling, and beads of sweat fell over his dense forehead. Somewhere off in the castle, tense music started to play.

Joker kept trying to arrange the ingredients in his Blumaroo Burritos to jump. Snargan, meanwhile -- who was charged with dessert duty -- kept "accidentally" interfering with the Blumaroo's process, and wasn't getting much done in terms of making dessert, either.

"Whoops!" the Skeith said as he accidentally crushed a bag of baby tomatoes. "Clumsy me!"

Joker grumbled. This was going to be difficult, but he would do this -- he would show them all he was more than just someone to laugh it, more than Meridell's "biggest joke".

The Blumaroo was a jester, after all. And one from fun-loving Roo Island at that.

He had more than a few tricks up his sleeve.

***

"Judges," called the announcer after 3 spectators -- one from each of the three nearby Kingdoms of Meridell, Brightvale, and Darigan -- were randomly chosen from the crowd. "Come on up!" They came on up. "Chefs, get ready to explain your dishes!"

Some servants came and put in front of each judge a silver platter topped with a silver bowl. Ricky started speaking, and the servants removed the bowls to reveal some sort of steak with wings, hovering casually in the air.

"As you can see here," started the Moehog, "we have some choice AAA cuts of Monoceraptor Steak, fat-drained and grilled to a delectable medium-rare. All the standard herbs and spices, with a zest of Brightvalean Lemon." He nodded at Mx. Fruits, who nodded back. "There may even be a... secret ingredient or two?" He smirked. "This was the main course at the Queen's Annual Ball in Faerieland -- as you can note from the wings."

The judges caught their meals and tasted them. "It's good," said the Vandagyre from Meridell. "I think the secret spice is... maybe anise?"

"I think it's cardamom," said the Techo from Darigan.

"Well there are two," conjectured the Korbat from Brightvale.

"Or one," replied the Vandagyre.

"You know, what's with these wings, anyway?" skeptically inquired the Korbat as her steak started to float again.

"Yeah, this is some really overtly fancy food," said the Techo.

"Too fancy for my tastes," the Vandagyre responded. "I don't like it when my food floats around."

"Or bounces around," said the Korbat. "I especially hate that."

Joker breathed a sigh of relief that Snargan had crushed too many ingredients for his burritos to bounce.

Ricky just looked irritated at their commentary and inability to appreciate fine faerie cuisine.

The judges finished their meals, had some pickles to cleanse their palettes, and gave the dish ratings of 6, 7, and 5 respectively.

The servants came around and brought out Joker's dish.

"Here's some burritos," the Blumaroo proclaimed with a light shrug.

The judges eyed the burritos warily, for the presentation was unsophisticated.

The Korbat took a careful bite... and her face lit up. "These are quite good!"

"Oh?" said the Vandagyre as he took his bite. He grinned. "They are the perfect food for my unrefined peasant palette!"

"Imagine eating these after a long night of Darigan Nasty-brand Grog!" giggled the Techo.

The judges happily gobbled them down with minimal fuss.

Ricky seethed at this turn of events. The Joker giggled, and Skarl looked on him with... no, not laughter. Pride? Yes, pride. "Good job, boyo!" the King shouted, causing the jester to smile.

The judges gave the dish ratings of 8, 7, and 8 respectively. Joker had won the first round.

Hagan frowned, and Skarl just laughed at him. "Looks like ol' Starboy there didn't work out for ye?"

"You may have won the round, but will you have the most points at the end?" Hagan stated ominously.

Now, it was dessert time.

The servants came, and Mx. Fruits explained. "Here we have a nice variety of Brightvalean fruits set against a whipped cream topped meringue. Very light, very flavourful. Again, there is a nice zest of lemon."

The judges ate the dessert, which was much better received than the steak.

"The lemon actually works here!" said the Korbat.

"And the meringue -- so tasty," affirmed the Vandagyre.

"Now this is one bold dessert. But no fruits from other kingdoms, so that's disappointing," continued the Techo.

"What fruits does Darigan have?" inquired the Korbat.

"Spiky ones," replied the Techo.

"I don't think that would taste very good," said the Vandagyre.

"Well you don't EAT the SPIKES," stated the Techo.

The meal continued and the judges gave their ratings: 8, 7, and 9.

Joker swallowed fearfully as Mx. Fuits just smirked at him. Meridell had 5 points on Brightvale from the previous round, but that score was going to be hard to beat. Especially considering--

"What is this!?" the Techo roared when the silver bowl was lifted to reveal... nothing.

"Nothing!?" gasped the Korbat.

Snargan just grinned. "Yep! I, er, wasn't able to make any dessert, ha."

Hagan laughed and pointed to Snargan. "This means your side forfeits! Brightvale wins!"

Skarl seethed as he also pointed to Snargan. "I KNEW it! You set me up, Snargan! I should have had you locked in the dungeons."

Snargan just kept grinning. "Pucker up, your highness."

"WAIT!" shouted the jester as he ran forward. "It is true that Snargan did not make anything... but I did." He gestured before the dishes. "This is a Roo Island novelty -- nothing cake."

The Vandagyre frowned slowly. "Nothing... cake?"

"Try some!" the Joker responded with a slight, nervous giggle. "Go on, eat nothing."

Tentatively, the Vandagyre stuck his paw into the nothing... and hit something soft and squishy. "There is cake here," he told the other judges, "and it's invisible."

Invisible to hide it from Snargan, thought Joker.

The Vandagyre brought some cake to his lips... and his eyes went wide. "And it is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten."

The other judges gaped and started filling their hands and subsequently faces with nothing cake.

"It tastes so good!" the Techo said.

"I can feel the frosting all over my face and it is the best taste and feeling I've ever had!" delightedly rambled the Korbat.

"I would commit treasonous acts for more of this cake!" the Vandagyre exclaimed. "Er, off the record of course."

Mx. Fruits gaped as Joker cheered. The Acara slid over to him; "Give me your recipe?" they asked. The Blumaroo just smiled. "Sure, after."

The nothing cake received 10s across the board.

The contest was over, and the Zafara announcer returned to centre-stage. "And there you have it folks -- and I'm a whole lot poorer from those bets I made."

The crowd laughed.

"In a major upset, the winners are SNAARRGAANN AND JOOOKKERR!!!"

The crowds applauded as Hagan shouted in disbelief. Skarl could collect his side of the bet later -- but for now, he had two things to do.

"Guards," he commanded, "throw Snargan in the dungeon."

"But your highness," the Skeith said sheepishly, "we won--"

"No thanks to YOU!" Skarl boomed as the guards apprehended the wily Skeith.

And for the King's second act... He walked up to Joker. "You did well there. I'm, er, proud of you. I didn't say that enough -- or, I guess, at all -- to Ricky, but I want things to be different with you. You have a long way to go, but also a lot of potential, so..." He grinned and clapped a paw on the lad's shoulder. "Will you be my new head chef?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Skarl could see his elder brother escaping the dining room. But, this moment was more important. The hounds would catch Hagan later, anyway.

"Yes sir!" started the Blumaroo as he furiously shook the King's hand. "It's been my biggest dream to be more than just some jester. To prove that."

"Well you did, today," replied Skarl with a fatherly smile.

Joker beamed.

The crowds had largely returned to eating after the excitement of the cooking contest died down.

"Now," Skarl said, still smiling, as he looked from the crowd to his new chef, "go and make some chicken. We do have to prove it's the best in Neopia, after all."

"Aye aye sir!" said the Blumaroo with a salute before he rushed back to the Kitchen.

Skarl nodded happily. This banquet had worked out well after all.

THE END