As I'm sure most of you have keenly noticed by now, a perfect opportunity for a theft has arisen. Princess Amira has foolishly gifted a priceless goblet to the clumsy hands of King Skarl.

Naturally, being the kingpin of crime in Neopia, I could have my fingers around the treasure in a flash, but that wouldn't be interesting. I'm sure that many of you could compare to my work, so I'm giving you a chance.

I challenge all of you who are willing to be the first to steal the goblet and bring it to me. Your reward? An offer to work for my organisation. This is a rare chance to work with true professional bandits and become known in the world of crime. I look forward to hearing from you.

~Malkus Vile

I'm in.

~S

Greetings Malkus,

I received your challenge, and I couldn't help but laugh. Thank you for giving me a joke to brighten up my day. I must say that few try funny business with me and get away with it, but I'm in a good mood.

I find it especially humorous that you seem to think that you are by far superior to me, when in reality I am ten times the thief lord that you are. True, I may have lost my minions' loyalty... but I can assure you that I left them out of my own free will. They were pathetic and only holding me down.

So, in reply to your letter, I will steal the goblet, but I most certainly will not let it fall into your greedy clutches. This task is not worth my time, but it will teach you a lesson.

~Galem Darkhand

Dear His Greatest Majesty King Skarl,

My name is Sabatha, and I have a firm desire to work for your regal staff. I am aware that the requirements are strict, but I have completed school with very highest marks and am ready to join the work force. Any of my teachers would agree that my skills with numbers are unmatched.

Accounting has always been my interest, and I think that it would be sublime if I could have a chance to work with your mighty treasury. I know that you have quite the busy schedule, but I urge you to consider my application. You won't regret it.

We regret to inform you that there are no available positions in the Royal Treasury at this time. We have filed your application and will review it if there is a vacancy.

Sincerely, Meridell Treasury Neopian Resources Department

Hello Malkus,

Your little challenge sounds like a positive delight. I'll get you the goblet, and what's more, I bet you anything I'll do it before pile-of-dung Darkhand even gets within sniffing distance of the castle.

~Kanrik

Kayla,

I need a favour. And before you say no, I want you to remember that potion you made two years ago. I risked my tail getting that root from Darigan's own chambers. You owe me, hon, big time.

Basically, I want one of the Royal Treasury staff members to fall suddenly ill. Not deathly ill or anything, just sick enough that he'll have to take a nice long leave of absence. That's it, nothing complicated. And do be subtle, please.

~S

S,

Done. We're even. Don't contact me again or I'll turn you into a Mortog.

~Kayla

Dear Ms. Sabatha,

Upon further review, we have reconsidered your application and decided that you would be a valuable member of our team. Please report to Meridell Castle on Tuesday morning at 8:00 a.m. for orientation. Congratulations!

Hope you're feeling better. I'm just writing to tell you that they got a replacement for you, so no worries about the job -- seeing as ours in particular are especially vital to the King, as you know. It is being handled.

The new Kougra is all right -- she asks a lot of questions and is eager to catch on, even though today was only her first day. Wish every newcomer was as enthusiastic.

Strange that you got so ill, out of the blue. It definitely couldn't have been that off-colour stew, or that Grarrl who tried to scale the wall.

~Sinclair

Dear Malkus, or should I say Milkus,

I would like to take this opportunity to inform you -- no, to brag -- that yes, I have won and you have failed, and that yes, Amira's goblet is in my possession. I'd also like to say that it will, naturally, be remaining in my wonderful possession and certainly not come to your shabby one. After all, it is just one of the many things that remind us who is the better thief.

Also, your so-called "challenge" was, bluntly, pathetic. All it took was the rumour that I was scaling a wall and the guards' subsequent distraction, while I stole in from their abandoned posts.

So long, and may you continue to amuse me some time in the near future.

Not too near, though.

~Galem Darkhand

Hello Malkus,

It would seem that the goblet you described is now in my possession.

I say this with reserve because the job was easy -- in fact, too easy. Something is awry. As a seasoned thief yourself, you probably know with this feeling. I will wait for your news.

~Kanrik

Dear idiots,

Obviously Amira had facsimiles sent to Skarl, in typical precaution against the dune robbers that weekly raid Sakhmet's out- and in-bound caravans. I said he was a goof, but never did I say the same for the desert princess.

I am disappointed. But this time I will reissue the challenge, and only once. Alert me only when you have the real goblet and no other. I hope you are up to telling what is authentic and what is not. That is all.

~Malkus Vile

Offence taken. This coming from the guy who relies on his "henchmen" to do his dirty work? Let's get one thing straight, Vile: The only reason you refuse to join in the challenge is because you have no ability to steal, no cunning or intelligence. Why, if I could look through one of your ears, I'd be able to see out through the other. In that head of yours, there's nothing but little bits of fluff, dead flies and other stuff.

If you think you can call us -- me -- idiots, then try taking action for once. (Though if you didn't, it would hardly come as a surprise. I know how hard it is to get off your backside and actually WORK.)

(OH YEAH, I WENT THERE.)

XOXO

~Galem Darkhand

Dear Malkus Vile,

I had no idea it was a fake, and I apologise for my mistake. Fear not, though, as I will have that goblet in my possession before long.

(Fifty Neopoints says that Galem sent you a long and angry rant at being called an idiot.)

~Kanrik

To G.D.

Challenge accepted. Consider me one more opponent in the little game of thievery.

~M.V.

To His Majesty, King Skarl of Meridell

Dear Sir,

As the Staff Supervisor, I feel it only necessary that you receive a note of how your newest staff additions are faring.

Sabatha (no last name given) has been reported as enthusiastic and eager to learn about the workings of the castle. She has been taken under the wing of our current treasurer replacement -- literally, as the replacement is that strange Lenny from Roo Island -- who claims that Sabatha has shown herself to be highly successful at anything she tries her luck at, what with her excellent grades and superior intelligence.

Best wishes,

Sinclair Donelan, Staff Supervisor

Vile,

Staff members think I'm doing well. I saw Darkhand scaling a wall not long ago, though. My bet is that he'll make it to the goblet first.

~S

Dear King Skarl,

We have managed to intercept a note from the treasury and financials department, on its way to a certain Suklam Eliv, Enclosed, please find the letter that we stopped and note that someone will be trying to steal your goblet, which you have received from Princess Amira.

~Sinclair

Sinclair,

Things look bad. We will have to take action. Have the goblet sent up to my chambers now. Anyone who wishes to take it will have to get through me first.

~Skarl

Dearest Darlingest Vilesy and Kanrikle,

I've made my way into the castle and have blackmailed a servant to deliver this message to you two. Right down the hall is the Royal Treasury, in which the goblet has been hidden. The guards have no chance against me.

~Galem

Dear Sir,

Castle staff found a masked Grarrl loitering in the halls outside the treasury. We shall submit him for interrogation tomorrow at eight.

~Sinclair

Dear Malkus,

I've been in the castle for a long time now, and from what I have gathered, the King is wary that someone might attempt to steal his goblet. He has ordered for it to be taken to his room.

There have been two rumours spreading throughout Meridell. One is that Skarrl is looking for more kitchen maids; food delivery is not up to par, he claims. The second is that the infamous Galem Darkhand has been caught lurking in the castle and has been apprehended. Under these circumstances, the castle is most definitely wary of thieves such as myself, but I did not send this letter to resign from your little game. Instead, I'm just warning you that I'm going to try something a little out of character. I beg you not to think less of me; after all, in the end I will have obtained the goblet. It will definitely not be pretty though.

~Kanrik

Dear Prigpants and Swolthy,

I need a maid ensemble, black with lace and a white apron in the Meridellian fashion. And a curly blonde wig long enough to hide a scar on the side of the face. Don't ask questions. I've enclosed more than enough Neopoints in this letter to cover the order. Make sure it reaches me in Meridell no later than tomorrow.

Always a loyal customer, Kanrik

To His Majesty King Skarl,

In light of the slowness of the kitchen staff, a couple of new maids have been hired to make sure food is brought to your rooms in a timely manner. Please do not fret at seeing them around the castle. They all went though rigorous background checks and are completely harmless, although one of them isn't exactly a sight for sore eyes.

Also, Galem Darkhand is as I write being interrogated in the dungeons. He refuses to reveal why he wants the goblet.

Sincerely, Sinclair Donelan

Vile,

I've nearly gained the trust of the entire staff, but since I'm working in the treasury, and the goblet is no longer there, getting it will a be slightly more difficult than I initially figured. Skarl never leaves his room, and the only Neopets allowed in his chambers at all now are political advisors and the kitchen staff. I did notice a few new maids in the castle, particularly an extremely unattractive blue Gelert with garish blonde hair, so I have an idea. I'm not usually one to resort to force, but maybe playing dress-up for once will be fun.

Two reminders in case I ever make it out of this unsavoury dungeon to find this in my mailbox.

a) 5610-2427-7418

b) Never try to coax a castle guard into giving you paper and ink again. Next time go straight to poison threats.

~Galem "I Hate Dungeons" Darkhand

Snargan,

It is my understanding that the goblet that was recently delivered to the castle from Sakhmet was by all means not the only.

I also understand that your benefits with regard to circumventing the Marrow Tax have been most enjoyable, thanks to my connections with the tax collectors. Just think how much of that money you've won would not be yours anymore if it wasn't for me.

As Head Treasurer, you have the ability to distinguish between the actual and the decoys.

I'll keep it simple. I need to know whether the goblet secured in Skarl's chamber is real, and if not, where the real one can be found.

~Malkus Vile

Dear Sinclair,

I would like to express my gratitude once again for the kind welcome I've received from all of the staff here. Work here has been wonderful. I hope my efforts so far have, too, been satisfactory.

There is one thing, though, that has been pressing my mind. I had an unpleasant experience with water in my childhood, and often suffer recurring nightmares with the sound of water when I rest. I would hate for this to factor into my work performance, because of how highly I value this job.

Thus I would humbly like to request a switch from my current lodgings next to the moat to the upper dormitories, if possible. I understand that those rooms are on the other side of the castle, next to the King's chambers and subsequently farther from the treasury, but I am willing to get up earlier to make the daily walk.

Thank you, and if this cannot be arranged, I understand.

Sabatha

Sabatha,

I spoke with Klara, the senior maid, and she has agreed to give you a spot in the maids' dormitories located next to the King's chambers on the upper floor. They have been informed of your coming, and you may move your belongings there at your convenience.

I am glad you are settling in well, and I hope this arrangement will be helpful.

Well, if you aren't a rascal of a thieving tax evader yourself, then I don't know my heads from tails anymore. But blackmail? Have you really stooped this low? Being a gambler, my instinct is to call your bluff, but as the only one out of the two of us who has anything to lose (namely: my job, access to an unlimited gambling stake, my sterling reputation, etc, etc.), I did the only logical thing -- I flipped a coin.

Heads, you win, you lowlife. The real goblet is, indeed, in the King's chambers.

Or am I bluffing?

~Snargan

Dear Lazlo,

As His Majesty's Chamberlain, I would imagine you have your hands full when King Skarl doesn't get enough sleep. There have been rumours abounding about his troubles: a Grarrl thief caught within the Palace walls, curiously unattractive new chambermaids, the robbery of beautiful replicas of a priceless artefact, mysterious illnesses striking Treasury staff, etc.

These must be trying times. With King Skarl so moody lately, I fear that things have been hard on you.

With your well-being in mind, I have a proposal to make: would it be possible to arrange a meeting with King Skarl, in his chambers, at say, 7:45 tomorrow morning? I have remembered a most amusing old joke for him that might alleviate some of his stress, thereby alleviating some of your own. Have you heard the one about the fierce Peophins and the tin of olives? If not, you'll be in for a treat as well.

Hope to see you then, Malkus Vile

Dear Malkus,

A stroke of luck! Apparently, the Palace staff thinks that my appearance is so comical that King Skarl himself will be amused to see me upon wakening. In an effort to lighten his mood, which has been foul enough to make even a poor maid like myself blush when he storms through the hallways, I have been assigned to bring him his breakfast tray tomorrow morning. He usually rises at around 7:30 and eats before receiving visitors, so I should have plenty of time to look around for the goblet.

On another happy note, I do believe I look pretty good as a blond. This just might be my new thing.

~Kanrik

Vile,

I am stationed in my new quarters adjacent to Skarl. I have heard that he rises for breakfast at 7:30, so I plan to sneak into his quarters shortly after 7. The whole castle has been sleep-deprived because of the King's moodiness, so I expect the entire staff to be blissfully unaware of my actions.

To success!

~S

Dear Mr. Vile,

Your letter could not be better timed! His Majesty has indeed been very tense lately, although how rumours of the private activities of the castle have made it so far beyond our walls is of grave concern to me.

If you arrive as planned at His Majesty's chambers at 7:45 tomorrow morning, I will be pleased to admit you. I have not heard the joke about the Peophins, and am looking forward to a good laugh.

Yours sincerely, Lazlo

H and M,

We're on, just like old times. Between 7 and 8 tomorrow morning, there will be a string of visitors coming and going from Skarl's private chambers. I believe if you scale the exterior walls, the Guards will be too sleepy to notice. Once inside, the King will be distracted enough that the goblet will be easy enough for a pair of master thieves, such as you are, to make off with.

Don't forget your ropes.

~MV

To Her Most Royal Highness, Princess Amira,

I know you thought your challenge would be impossible for me to win, that the theft of your father's crown was a stroke of luck, not evil genius, but I don't think it's too early to gloat.

One way or another, I will have the goblet tomorrow.

I've got a proposal for you -- and it's not the kind you're used to rejecting from prospective suitors. I used to be a member of the Thieves Guild. You may have heard of me, Masila, mistress of the double cross. But that's the past, because I've been thrown out -- now I want my revenge. I want to round up the thieves, the friends I once worked with, and completely embarrass them. I want to prove once and for all that they are nothing without me helping them out. You can help me, and you should want to help me. Several of the thieves are responsible for the theft of your late father's crown.

I understand you have a rare and priceless golden goblet in your treasury. How about sending it to King Skarl for a while? And how about sending a letter to Malkus Vile? Why don't you challenge him to steal the goblet? I give you my word, he won't succeed. That's my plan, after all.

Masila

Dearest Sinclair,

It's been decidedly too long since we last spoke. I'm going to be arriving in Meridell soon, and I'd simply love to meet up to catch up on old times. You do remember them, don't you? I will never forget that time you caught a young thief in your family's grounds and let her go out of kindness. I'm sure, of course, you don't discuss such things with your superiors at the castle, and neither would I... but you know, I always have had loose lips.

Anyway, Sinclair, I'm writing to ask you a favour. There is going to be a number of applications to the castle's staff in the coming days... and suffice it to say they may appear questionable in nature. I'd consider it a personal favour if you'd turn a blind eye to such details and offer them employment. Why, I might even completely forget that we know each other.

Masila

Dear Lazlo,

I've been hearing that King Skarl is in a terrible mood lately, and as a loyal subject I felt honour-bound to contact you when I heard about an award-winning comic who has arrived in Meridell. Apparently, he has a joke about Peophins and olives that King Roo said was the most amusing joke he has ever heard. If you are given the chance to book this jester, I would jump at the chance.

~Anonymous

Dear King Skarl,

I am contacting you on behalf of Princess Amira. Rumours have circulated to Sakhmet that a number of thieves are planning to converge on the location of the goblet tomorrow morning, following several previous failed attempts. It is clear that Meridell is not currently a safe location for the goblet, and as such I will be arriving later tonight to take the goblet and return it to the Lost Desert. Princess Amira will no doubt arrange for the goblet to be toured again at a later date when the threat of theft has died down. I would advise you to have soldiers posted within your room tonight, and have anyone who tries to enter tomorrow morning arrested.

It is imperative that you share the details of my arrival with as few staff members as possible. If you doubt my credentials, please mention my name to your Chamberlain, Lazlo. He will be able to vouch for my identity.

Masila, Assistant to Princess Amira

Dear Fools,

I hope you're enjoying your time in the Meridell cells -- I hear each and every one of you was arrested by Skarl's soldiers as you attempted the theft of an artefact that is no longer even in the castle.

You see, the entire thing was a set up by me, your former comrade. You've all proven yourselves so pathetically incompetent. You're nothing without me. And the best part of it is, because you were all busy getting arrested, security on the rest of the castle was relatively lax. The goblet's not the only treasure I've managed to steal. So long, suckers!

~Masila

P.S. I'm not completely heartless. Sinclair will be along shortly with a key so you can escape. It would simply be no fun if you were in jail forever. After all, I'd miss out on many more chances to humiliate you all!

Dear King Skarl,

Treasury looking a bit empty? Only this note to be found? What a pity! You know what they say, never trust Sakhmetians bearing gifts.