At first, he flew along about his business like everything was normal, but something kept nagging at him. Finally, he stopped in his tracks, turned around, and buzzed back to the pond. Sure enough, all was not as it should've been there -- the shy-looking bearded red Blumaroo with the orange butterfly perched on its finger wasn't sitting by the side of the pond as it had for years. Instead, in its place was a scrap of paper, its edge flapping fitfully in the cool winter breeze.

Nikh snatched up the paper and read it, his already large Buzz eyes widening even more.

Nikh,

I have taken your gnome, and if you ever want to see it unbroken again, you'll come to this address...

Nikh didn't recognise the handwriting or the address scrawled across the bottom of the page, and in place of a signature, it just said, "Mwahahahaha!" He sat down beside his pond, head in his hand. Part of him wanted to just ball up the paper and go about his business, but another part of him, one that he was barely willing to admit existed, kind of missed the little red Blumaroo gnome.

"Hey, Nikh!" A voice jolted Nikh from his thoughts. It was his neighbour Strella, coming through the gate to his Neogarden. "Have you noticed anybody strange lurking around?" she asked.

"No, why?" Nikh replied, still clutching the gnome ransom note.

The purple Zafara spotted the paper in the Buzz's hand and said, "Oh, you got one too!" It was then that Nikh noticed traces of tears on Strella's cheeks. She sniffled and continued, "They took all of my sweet, little gnomes, Nikh!"

The Zafara stuffed her paws into her coat pockets and pulled out dozens of notes similar to the one Nikh held. "All of them! What are we going to do to get them back...?"

A long pause.

"Erm, and what is that?" asked Strella eventually.

Nikh bashfully withdrew his hand. "I have no idea. I was hoping that once I began my heroic 'let's take action' speech, the rest would just come to me. But it didn't. So... I guess we're back at square one."

"I don't think we ever really left square one, did we?" asked Strella. "It's hard to go back to somewhere if you're already there."

"Well, I do feel like we went back a square. So maybe we're at square zero. Or even square negative one."

"Semantics aside, Nikh, we still don't know how to get our gnomes back!" More tears threatened to leak from Strella's eyes.

Nikh sadly looked at the now-empty patch of grass by his pond. "You're right. We have absolutely no leads. Just these stupid pieces of paper with an address on them!"

Strella sighed. "If only the kidnapper --"

"Gnome-napper," corrected Nikh.

"Yes, that's more accurate. If only the gnome-napper had left some sort of information or a clue for us, instead of this useless address. I mean, how could that possibly be helpful?" She threw down the notes she clutched in disgust.

"I know," said Nikh, shaking his head. "It's not like we could go to this address and see if the gnomes are there or something."

"Yes, that would just be silly," agreed Strella.

Suddenly, Nikh's eyes lit up. "One could even say that it would be... crazy."

"Where are you going with this line of thought?" asked Strella, cocking her head.

"Well, you know how in books, the hero always has a ridiculous idea, and then says, 'It just might be crazy enough to work'? I think that travelling to the address on the notes just might be crazy enough to work."

Strella scoffed. "Do you really think that silly cliches like that have any application in real life? Trying to emulate characters in books is... well, it's crazy!"

"Exactly!" exclaimed Nikh triumphantly. "It is crazy. Just crazy enough to work!"

"You're right!" shouted Strella, jumping up and down and clapping her paws. "Now we're finally making progress! Why, I think we might have even moved from square one to square two!"

"Or moved from square zero to square one," pointed out Nikh as he placed his gnome-note on the ground and smoothed it out so both he and Strella could get a good look at it.

The two pets hunched over the paper, and Nikh read the address aloud. "2342 Street Road. Do you have any idea where that is?"

Strella furrowed her brow in thought. "I think I've been to Street Road a few times. It's just around the corner from Road Street, and close to Thoroughfare Drive and Avenue Lane."

"Well, then, let's get going!" said Nikh, taking to the sky. "The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get our gnomes back from the mysterious, nameless thief."

"But he isn't nameless!" protested Strella. "He signed the notes, after all. His name is Mwahahahaha."

"I assumed that was just a phonetic spelling of the sound of a generic evil laugh," said Nikh. "I suppose you could be right, though. But whatever the gnome-napper's name, we will find him and bring him to justice!" The Buzz struck a heroic pose, his hands on his hips, and his eyes staring off intently at the horizon, one eyebrow raised slightly.

Strella broke out in spontaneous applause in recognition of the quality of Nikh's pose. He really did look very heroic. Nikh took a small, mid-air bow. "Onward to 2342 Street Road!" exclaimed Nikh. "And once we reach that literal destination, we will have reached the metaphorical one of square two!"

"Or square three, depending on how you're counting them," added Strella. The two pets looked at each other, nodded, and set off, Strella leading the way...

Strella had done a great job of leading so far and just over the crest of the next hill, Nikh could see the neat houses of Street Road. Street Road was well known for the pride its inhabitants took in their gardens, and it was easy to see that they were much more magnificent than the pair's own gardens back on Terrace Avenue. Though Strella was a fanatic gardener and would never admit how much she was jealous of these neat yards, Nikh could see the sparkle in his companion's eyes.

"What number house is this?" Nikh asked himself aloud, glancing at the house's mailbox in order to gauge how far from the gnome-napper's home they were.

"It's number 2338, so we're only a few houses away," Strella said, pointing to a numbered plaque hanging beside the house's door.

"It must be the next house!" Nikh commented, his wings shaking in anticipation as the two rounded a corner.

House number 2342 didn't fit it with the other houses on the street. The garden was messy and unkempt, and if it wasn't for the flicker of candlelight from behind a drawn curtain Nikh would have sworn no one lived there. Unlike the other homes, this one had a 'go-away' type of air, whereas the others were warm and welcoming. A small wooden plaque hung lop-sided beside the rickety door, the number 2342 inscribed on it in rough writing, apparently handmade. It was in stark contrast to that of the previous house, which had been neat and mass-produced.

The front garden was overgrown with weeds, so thick in places that it was difficult to tell if grass grew underneath. What had once been flowers were now wilted and rotting away, but in the centre of the lawn was a suspicious-looking lighter patch of grass. As the Buzz and Zafara approached, Nikh was shocked to find out that this patch of grass, bright green in hue, was still alive and metaphorically kicking beside the near-black dead grass. The bright patch was an odd shape, but one both pets recognised.

"Up until recently, I'm guessing a gnome sat here," Strella said with confidence, but her statement only made her Buzz companion confused.

"Are you sure?" Nikh murmured, his wings slowly bringing him to the ground. "I mean, if this is the gnome-napper's house, why would they take their own gnome away too?"

"Well..." Strella trailed off, her hand fluttering to withdraw one of the notes from her pocket. "Maybe they were trying to cover their tracks?"

"No, no... if they wanted their tracks covered, they wouldn't have given us their address!"

"Nikh, does 'Mwahahahaha' sound like a smart type of name to you?" the Zafara asked, and after a brief pause of thought, Nikh shook his head. "Exactly. Mwahahahaha is probably less smart than even you!"

The two friends laughed for a moment, before Nikh suddenly realised what his neighbour had said.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, aiming a playful and harmless blow at Strella's forearm. "Now, are we going to confront this Mwahahahaha guy or not?"

Strella shrugged. "I guess we have no other choice."

Together the two pets approached the door. Nikh was nervous, his forehead covered in tiny beads of sweat.

"I didn't even know Buzz could sweat," Strella whispered, her hand lifted to knock on the wooden door.

She gave it a harsh rat-a-tat before stepping backward, brushing her paws over her coat to make sure it was perfect. Even in these dire consequences (for their gnomes, anyway) the Zafara couldn't help but make sure she looked her best.

"Who is it?" a gruff voice from behind the door shouted, and when Strella and Nikh didn't reply, a creaking of old floorboards told them that the pet behind the voice was coming to greet them.

"What do we say..." Nikh began, but he was cut off by the wooden door swinging open suddenly, revealing the fattest, meanest-looking red Skeith he'd ever seen.

The Buzz gulped, unconsciously placing himself behind his Zafara companion.

"Who are you, and what do you want?" the Skeith asked gruffly, puffs of smoke coming from his mouth as his hot breath met cold morning air.

"We're looking for..."

"We lost something, and thought it might be here..."

The Skeith sighed. "Don't tell me; I bet yer lookin' for Street Road, this is Road Street."

Strella slapped her forehead with her paw. "Of course it is!"

Nikh shook his head in frustration. "Since we're here, mind if I ask you a question, sir?"

The Skeith waved a giant hand airily. "Go ahead."

"Have you ever owned a gnome?"

Large tears formed in the corners of the Skeith's eyes and Nikh was sorry he'd asked. It was so... odd seeing this great brute cry.

"I did, up until this morning; he was the pride of my yard!" the Skeith sniffed, wiping a tear away with a grotty sleeve. "He was taken... by Mwahahahaha!"

Strella and Nikh gasped.

"Our gnomes were taken too!" Strella butted in, pulling her multitude of notes from her pocket. "And Mwahahahaha left these!"

"Funny that, my note is on yellow paper, not white," the Skeith said, pulling his own crumpled note from a pocket of his shirt.

The Skeith offered the note to Strella, and the Zafara took it.

"Wait a second..." she whispered, carefully unfurling the paper. "The address on your note is different from the one on ours..."

"Not next door," Nikh added. "Across the road. House numbers alternate; it would be 2343 next door."

The red Skeith leaned against his door frame casually, causing it to creak.

"No, not on Street Road," he told the Buzz. "The entire road forms a ring around a lake, so there're only houses on one side of the road. They used to call it Lake Close, but they had to change the name after folk started confusing it with Lake Side."

He stared at the two Neopets on his doorstep, considering the situation that had led them there, and added, "In hindsight, they could have picked a better name."

"I hope you don't mind me asking, Mr..." Nikh asked, floundering for the Skeith's name.

"Boris," he replied.

"... Mr. Boris, but-"

"No," the Skeith interrupted. "Boris is my first name. Just Boris."

"Boris, then..." Nikh continued. "But why are you still here? Why haven't you headed off to meet Mwahahahaha and recover your prized gnome?"

"Ah, well you see that's a very interesting story, that is," Boris smiled, straightening himself up. "You see, I just discovered my gnome was gone this morning, and was reading the note Mwahahahaha had left, when out of the blue, old Mrs. Widder from across the road came up and asked me if I could see to her fridge. I used to be quite a repairman, back in the day, so off I trundled to have a look at it. Turns out it needed a replacement widget, which as I'm sure you know are only available down at Ronnie's Hardware store down on Grocery Street. That's not to be confused with Ronnie's Grocery Store on Hardware Street. You'd be surprised how many make that mistake! Anyway, I'd just finished fixing the fridge and got back here when you two started banging on my door."

"What a remarkably sound explanation," Strella said as if the Skeith's speech had made perfect sense. "Are you planning on setting out right now?"

"As a matter of fact, I was," Boris answered. "I'd strike a heroic pose as to that effect, but I'm afraid I have terrible back pains. It's why I gave up the repairman business, after all. Well, that and the crippling debt."

The Skeith disappeared inside his house for a few moments before re-emerging and closing the door behind him.

"I'm Nikh," the Buzz introduced himself.

"Strella," his friend added.

"A pleasure to meet you both," Boris said. "Well, it certainly feels as if we're making progress now. I felt like I was back to square one when I got home from fixing the fridge."

Stopping briefly to wave at the elderly Ixi across the road whom Boris identified as old Mrs. Widder, the three of them made their way back down the road and closer to their meeting with Mwahahahaha...

It would make a lovely replacement for a nose that one of her little darlings was missing. Nodding, she hummed to herself as she descended into the basement and flicked the lights on.

Her army of a hundred gnomes stared back at her.

"Gnomes," Nikh mused out loud as they walked the dirt road. "What sorry sort of villain would hold gnomes for ransom, of all things?"

The Skeith's eyes threatened to water as he recalled his beloved gnome that he might never see again. "A brilliant, sadistic one," he muttered.

"I mean," Nikh continued, "what can you do with gnomes? They're only a couple thousand Neopoints on the market, if you know where to go."

Strella shrugged. "I thought we already agreed that Mwahahahaha isn't exactly the brightest of burned-out light bulbs," she commented easily. Before anyone could respond, the Zafara nudged her neighbour with her elbow and gestured to a lake. "Look -- we're here. Onto square... ahh, what number are we on? I can't count that high."

"Square? Oh no, you are not squares. You are Neopets. You are Neopets number six hundred and seventy six, seven, and eight. Welcome to Lake Side."

"This is Lake Close, not Lake Side. Folk changed the name after -- "

Boris's lecture was cut short as the trio turned around to face a red Blumaroo who reminded Nikh remarkably of an ugly gnome that used to sit in his garden...

"Oh, silly little Neopet number six hundred seventy seven, Lake Close was changed back to Lake Side after renovations finished just two minutes ago!" the Blumaroo exclaimed much too cheerily. "You are just in time to see the new unveiling of Lake Side!"

Nikh looked around at Lake Close. Nothing about it looked any different from Road Street (or was it Street Road?), except the lake in the middle. The gardens were just as spectacular, and no construction tools lay about. "What do you mean, renovations? I don't see any construction materials--"

"Neopet six hundred and seventy six, I'm afraid you and your group are prying far too much into this wonderful street renovation. If you would like to know more information, I will happily lead you to the director of this project," the Blumaroo said in that same cheery monotone voice that was starting to seem just a bit creepy.

Nikh nodded. "Well, all right then. We'd love to see the director of this project."

The Blumaroo's smile widened, if that was even possible. "Right this way then, Neopets number six hundred and seventy six, seven, and eight." He began bouncing away and the group followed him.

As they followed him, Nikh noticed that the name was not the only thing different thing about Lake Side. There were dozens of Neopets dressed up as gnomes walking all throughout the street, crazy smiles very much like the Blumaroo's plastered on their faces. There were Blue Draik Gnomes and Hunting Grarrl Gnomes, and there were even Gardening Grundo gnomes. Perhaps this is a place for eccentric gnome enthusiasts to reside? he thought.

Still following the gnome-like Blumaroo, Strella whispered to Nikh, "Hey, doesn't that guy look a like one of my prized gnomes? He even has the same blue--"

Before she could finish, the Blumaroo stopped at the front of a house, the same odd smile stretched across his face. "Now, Neopets number six hundred and seventy six, seven, and eight, this is where the director resides. I'm sure she'll answer any questions you might have."

Thus, he opened the door and the three walked in...

"Oh, hello there, would you care for some tea?"

The three of them turned to see Mrs. Widder, sitting on a toadstool, waving them to sit with her around a particularly large mushroom that served as a table. They sat down uncertainly, surprised at the turn of events.

Finally, after a moment of silence, Nikh spoke, "You... You were the one who took all our gnomes?"

"Of course I was. They were so cute, how could I resist?" Mrs. Widder poured tea into all their teacups as she spoke.

"But why?"

Mrs. Widder smiled. "I've always loved working in the garden; it was my passion. But the past few years... I'm just not the way I used to be. I can't bend down and care for my flower beds as I did before. I needed to find someone... or something to help me. And who can look after a garden better than a gnome?"

When none of them replied, Mrs. Widder continued, "I'm a distant cousin of Kauvara's, you know? We use to go-"

"Wait. Why are you telling us this? What does this have anything to do with your gnome-napping?" Strella cut in.

At this, the Ixi's grin became as wide as a gnome's, "When I asked Kauvara to make a special potion for me, she agreed, the naive girl."

"Potion? What potion? Did it work?" Nikh asked sharply.

"Oh, it worked all right. These Neopets here, you don't think they're just normal Neopets, do you? Look at the way they're tending this place, each and every one of them. Do you see how careful they are? How skilful they are?"

Strella and Nikh gasped. They'd finally caught on.

"And that's not all the potion does." The old Ixi's voice turned maniacal as she nodded toward Boris who had been sipping his tea all through the conversation. He now stood and smiled a wide, forced smile, stumbled to put on a red gnome hat, a grey fake beard, and slowly made his way toward the garden outside...

"You put the potion in the tea?" he asked.

"Of course not!" Mrs. Widder said in a scolding tone. "Why would I ruin perfectly good tea with a magical potion? No, sugar and milk, that's all you add to tea. Besides, you start adding potions into drinks, and sooner or later you get caught up in it. Didn't you hear about Baron Von Uupe, cousin of Duke Von Uupe, in the Haunted Woods? He poisoned the wrong drink and woke up the next day as a ghost! No, I put the potion on a faulty fridge widget that our mutual friend Boris fixed this morning."

Mrs. Widder clicked her fingers, and the Blumaroo gnome headed over to clean up the spilt drink.

"I might add that you just smashed one of my best cups," the Ixi said sternly. "I only bring them out for very special occasions."

Strella, who had remained with a confused expression on her face, suddenly asked, "Is your name Mwahahahaha then?"

Mrs. Widder patted the Zafara's knee gently.

"No, dear, it's Ethel," she explained. "Mwahahahaha added a bit of gravitas to the situation. I read in a book once that gravitas is important in situations like these."

Strella nodded. "Gravitas is certainly important."

"Not as important as gravity, though," Mrs. Widder added.

Nikh shook his head. "This is getting confusing. Let's go back to square one... your plan is to do what? Use our gnomes to garden? Is that it? It doesn't seem very evil."

"Good," Mrs. Widder replied politely. "I'd hate it if I got a reputation of being evil. The other ladies at the bingo hall would stop speaking to me out of principle. But no, you're missing the most brilliant part of my plan."

Mrs. Widder stood up, putting her hands behind her back.

"I intend to garden this entire planet," she said ominously. "It will look so much prettier when I'm done with it. There'll be flower beds everywhere, and Maraqua will be the most magnificent water feature ever seen. But, in order to maintain such a large garden, I'm going to need more gnomes."

She glanced to the door, which had been left ajar. Outside, Boris was busy raking up leaves.

"You're going to use the potion on other Neopets!" Strella gasped.

"Everyone will help me tend my garden!" Mrs. Widder said excitedly.

"That sounds slightly more evil," Nikh considered.

He jumped up from his seat and struck a heroic pose remarkably similar to the one he had adopted earlier that day.

"We're going to stop you!" he declared.

"No, you're not," Mrs. Widder replied lightly, sipping her cup of tea.

"What?"

"That book I read about gravitas said there was one more thing you need in a situation like this," she explained. "Henchmen."

Wordlessly, several gnomes that had been working nearby straightened up and turned around. Slowly, they moved toward Nikh and Strella, blocking their escape...

Strella stole a nervous glance at the strangely empty faces of the seemingly blissful gnomes -- looking for a possible gap in their stiff formation and finding none.

"And once that's done, everything becomes a breeze," continued the elderly Ixi. "A light, spring breeze. You see, the grass and ivy in my garden isn't just any greenery. They've been grown with Kauvara's potion itself, meaning..."

For just a moment, her words hung above the garden freshness like a ominous thundercloud, and Nikh found himself gulping audibly in a very non-heroic fashion.

"...meaning that from the moment you set foot upon my lawn, the potion's effects had already begun to take hold of both of you," she concluded with a triumphant grin. "Any minute now, you'll be joining our dear Boris in my garden. Now, wouldn't that be charming?"

"No," said Nikh, throwing a look of despair at his neighbour, "it wouldn't be."

"Oh? That's too bad," Mrs. Widder remarked. Then, with a careless wave at the waiting gnomes, she added to her bearded minions: "Take them away."

Strella knew she had to think fast. And think fast she did.

"Wait!" she said, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice. "So basically, everyone who steps on the grass becomes a gnome? What about you, then?"

Nikh snickered despite himself. "Or do you never leave that toadstool?"

"Don't be silly," said the Ixi, arching her white eyebrows. "See these shoes of mine? They may look silly, I'll give you that. But as with my helpers, there's more to them than just the surface. These were my own design, and not one drop of potion can permeate the material. Genius, isn't it?"

Nikh and Strella shifted their gazes, and noticed for the first time a pair of truly odious, bright red pointed shoes. Mrs. Widder waved her foot with a gleeful smile.

The pair's eyes met again -- but this time, far from despair, Nikr and Strella's eyes were lit with mischief. Each knowing the other was thinking the same, they turned back to the lounging villain.

"You know," began Strella, "you ought to have another look at that book on gravitas. Because I'm sure it would say something about never revealing one's weakness to those on the other side."

"Besides, that kind of footwear really doesn't suit you at all," Nikh said, and proceeded to bounce off the mushroom table with a tremendous hop, land on the side opposite, and yank off not one but both the Ixi's little shoes. Of course, it would have been impressive had he not immediately jumped to his heroic stance, the shoes dangling by the laces from his claws.

"You-- you..." Mrs. Widder spluttered.

Strella did her best to ignore the Buzz. "Now," she said with a grin as she approached the stranded Ixi, "unless you intend to remain on that toadstool for the rest of your life, we suggest you undo the effects of the potion on us. Or would you prefer to become gardener of your own greenhouse? Your choice."

Mrs. Widder cackled. Most unexpectedly. "Too late," she answered. "Now, hand over the shoes, my newest servants..."

Nikh stared, horrified, as a much more unnatural grin began to take hold of his neighbour's features. The same, he was sure, was happening to him. "Quick, Strella, what do we do?"

The Zafara seemed to be fighting off the spell with all her will. "I remember... from somewhere... that a gnome must never be parted with its hat..." she managed with great difficulty. "Just... just a myth..."

Nikh barely heard it -- he clenched his fists, refusing to give in. No... he would not become a gnome...

Without warning, Strella spun around, grabbed a false beard and hat as Boris had done, and stood quite motionless, awaiting orders from a smirking Mrs. Widder.

To this day, Nikh did not know where he had found the strength, but lunging out in final desperation, he grabbed the tip of Strella's hat and pulled it off her ears. That was the last thing he knew before he, too, succumbed to the urges of the potion...

The Zafara blinked, losing her robotic grin.

And returned a genuine smile.

She helped Nikh to don a hat, and promptly pulled it off. The effect was instantaneous.

"Well, now," she said, sharing a wink with him. "I think we've finally come pretty far from square one..."

"We win, Ethel," said Nikh, turning to a very shocked Mrs. Widder, yanking off the hats of passing gardeners as he spoke. "Too bad, Mwahahahaha really did make a better name..."

"It's been one interesting day, don't you think?" asked Nikh with a sideways glance at the cured Boris.

"Indeed," said the Skeith. "I'm not even sure I can convince myself it was more than a crazy, crazy, green dream."

"Oh, I think my new garden, if anything, can convince us just fine." Strella motioned out the window at her newly trimmed lawn.

Grasping a rake and muttering under her breath was a dishevelled greying Ixi, looking very much like one who had had a plan backfire in the most ridiculous way.

The End.

Editor's Note: Due to a holiday on Monday, the next Storytelling Contest will begin on Tuesday, January 19th. Thanks!