Please Vote for Tia in the Beauty contest.

Hello and welcome to Shopping with Summer, your one stop shopping...umm let's go with broadcast that tells you everything you need to know about those pesky products leering at you from the supermarket. I'm Summer_4859, your friendly Ogrin host, although if you ask me any questions I will cheerfully set my Seti onto you. Anyway, today's product we have chosen is the Jake (Grr, let's never mention that name again) Plushie.

This is a rarity 96 Plushie that stocks in the Plushie Palace. The Almighty TNT has said that it should cost you 1999NP, but looking at the shopwiz we can see that that is a lie, as it doesn't even show up there. Then again, I guess the Shopwiz has more taste than to be associated with such a dodgy product.

As you can see, this plushie is ultimate in shoddy workmanship. I mean look at it – it's just a normal Blue Kougra Plushie with a hat. Any Ogrin with a sowing machine could do better. That shouldn't be any excuse to hike the price, it's just a cheap money grabbing technique by a big, multi-national company that doesn't care about the end product, or about the little guy who's buying the plushie for his ailing daughter. They don't put any love into it. *oh geez that's so cheezy, quick change the topic before they notice*

Another mark against this product is that doesn't meet the completely unbiased and super legit Summer Standards for Consumer …something else that sounds official goes here. I mean, it takes 3.9 seconds to go up in flames when thrown at an angry fire cybunny, where any self respecting plushie maker would make it last for at least 4 seconds. And the fabric is so flimsy that it can easily be torn by scissors, a hacksaw, or the teeth of a rabid Seti (I'm kidding about the rabid part. He has neo-rabies)

And, in a conclusion to why you should not buy this toy and personally you should be grateful that I've held out on ranting about this for so long, I have an issue with the choice of the subject. Why anyone would choose that poser over real adventurers is beyond me. I bet he's never done a real days adventuring in his life. I don't get why he gets to be famous and I don't. I'm a far better adventurer than that Kougra-who-shall-not-be-named. Why don't I get to have games made in my honour, and plushies made after me, and neopedia articles made all about me! Well, don't worry fellow Jake haters (the Kougra, not any random Jakes who happen to be passing by), I have just the solution!

Ta-da, the Summer Adventurer Plushie! Isn't it adorable! It has huge eyes, so of course it's adorable. And it's all made by me! It's made of the finest material I could afford, and is all one colour because I can't sew that well. And, it doesn't have any cheap accessories that are only there to push up the price. So, for all of you who are crying out at the injustice of me not being famous, never fear! For only 3,000NP this adorable plushie can be yours. So don't hesitate – give me your money now!

By Talei11

PLease note; Don't actually send me your money. This... monstrosity was satirical in nature.