Welcome

Welcome to neo.anxious's official guild newspaper! Here you can find a plethora of different articles to read. Get started by clicking on one of the articles below! Every other month, a new issue of the newspaper is released. If you are interested in writing for the newspaper, you might want to read through the staff section. Then when you know what you want to do, you must create a petpage application consisting of: an example article, a short bio about yourself, and a preferred avatar. Send the petpage URL to Cyn. If you are accepted onto the newspaper, please be aware that you will need to send your article(s) to Cyn before the 14th of each month in order to get your PP (1000 for an article, 800 for a comic)! For your first late article, you receive HALF PP. For your second late article, you are EXPELLED from the NC. PLEASE DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN!! :o

*NEW* Additionally, IF YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THE NC, you may also do "freelance work." That means not only submitting your designated articles, but submitting extras! After all, who are we to turn away inspiration?? Neomail Cyn for more info.

SEPTEMBER 2009

Check back next month! And apply for the Newspaper Committee while you're here!















meet the STAFF


You may apply for staff by displaying a brief example of your writing (pertaining to your category) as well as a short bio with a chosen Neopets avatar (which will be displayed on the Staff page if you are accepted) and reasons why you want the position you are applying for on a petpage. HTML and graphics are not necessary, you may include them if you wish, but you do not NEED them.
*Artwork examples are necessary for Artist positions.

Neomail Cyn with the URL of your petpage application. The following are the staff position descriptions and openings:

Writer Position Explanation:
Writers will be expected to complete one article per every other month in their respective feature. They will have a 4 week deadline for writing their article(s). Writers are limited to writing in the maximum of 3 features. Writers may have an IM program or other form of open communication to keep in touch with fellow writers and editors. All articles written by a writer must be saved as a draft until reviewed and approved by an editor. All articles will remain as drafts until a month's issue goes live. Writers may step down from their position by notifying an editor with a two week notice before leaving so that an editor may make up for the empty position or fill the position with a new writer.

Editor Position Explanation:
Editors will NOT write for the Newspaper. Editors will proofread and edit all articles and approve them for publishing, and must have excellent spelling and grammar. Editors will add their name and the date to the bottom of an article in Italics, to show that they have proofread an article (e.g. Proofread by: EditorName 03/11/07).

Current newspaper features:
  1. Around Neopia
  2. Guides
  3. Gamer's Corner
  4. Neopian Advice
  5. Rants & Raves
  6. Shopping Bazaar
  7. The Buzz
  8. So They Say
  9. Dear Mr Muggles
  10. The Soapbox
  11. The Gallery
  12. Fontastical
  13. Quizzical
  14. Crossword
  15. Conundrum
  16. Council Editorial
  17. Guildly Dirt
Feature Details:

Around Neopia
  • Articles focusing on particular Neopian Places such as Terror Mountain, The Kadoatery, The Battledome, etc. Articles are written as explanatory and creative articles describing what there is to do in such place. Articles need to be creative and descriptive, giving an image in the readers mind of what the place looks like, smells like, feels like, etc.
Guides (now located at NAguides.
  • Games: Articles focusing on particular Neopian games, guiding the reader on how to play, strategies, and cheats. Include information about game related avatars, if relative.
  • Neopoint Making: Articles focusing on making Neopoints, guiding the reader on how to make Neopoints with specific strategies. Include a detailed breakdown and illustration of following the guide. e.g. Starting with XXX NP, I went to XXX place, and made XXX NP, etc.
  • Neoboards: Articles focusing on the Neoboards, do's and don'ts, information on particular Neoboards, etc.
  • Features: Articles focusing on certain Neopets features, such as Neodecks, Neohomes, etc. Give detailed information on such features such as what to do, how to do it, etc.
  • Collecting: Articles focusing on collecting Stamps, Coins, Shells, Book Reading, Gourmet Food Eating, etc. If possible, give information on lists, prices, related trophies, and other helpful information.
Gamer's Corner
  • A monthly extensive review of a particular Neopian game giving detailed instructions on how to play, achieve high scores, win trophies/avatars, cheats, evaluation of NP making possibility, etc.
Neopian Advice
  • Answer 5 to 10 reader submitted questions relating to Neopets ONLY. Non-Neopets related advice is NOT allowed.
Rants & Raves
  • Articles exploring recent Neopian News. e.g. Plots. Detailing anything great or horrible that TNT releases. An evaluation of the last month's New Features with comical or interesting commentary.
Shopping Bazaar
  • Articles evaluating Neopian shops to restock in detailing item prices, rare items to snag, possibility of profits, availability of good restockable items. Articles also guiding readers for keeping shop, starting malls, making customers happy, getting repeat customers, decorating your shop, etc.
The Buzz
  • A monthly article briefing important Neopian releases over the last month including items, species, pet colors, plots, games, or places. Strictly a summarizing article, no commentary or opinion.
So They Say
  • Monthly extensive interviews of individual Neo.Anxious guild members. Interviews should be serious, including questions about the individuals Neopian hobbies, routines, collections, pets, etc. Limit personal real life information to basic questions such as age, name, school studies, or hobbies.
Dear Mr. Muggles
  • Odd questions searching for answers from an even stranger know-it-all Grundo. (Comical)
The Soapbox
  • Poetry and stories written by staff members as well as reader submitted material. Poetry and stories must be Neopets related, Non-Neopets related material will NOT be published.
The Gallery
  • Artwork and comics drawn by staff members as well as reader submitted material. All artwork must be Neopets related, Non-Neopets related material will NOT be published.
Fontastical
  • A monthly collection of 10-15 premade fonts created by the staff or submitted by readers available for readers to use on the neoboards.
Quizzical
  • A monthly quiz in the form of trivia or a quiz that places the reader in a category.
Crossword
  • All newspapers have a crossword in each issue, so why not us? A monthly crossword as well as the answer key to last month's crossword.
Conundrum
  • A monthly Neopets related math riddle to stump our readers. Each month, a new Conundrum will be posted as well as the answer to last month's.
Council Editorial
  • A monthly editorial by a council member answering reader submitted questions about guild activities, rules, ranks, future events, etc. All questions must be guild related, Non-guild related materical will NOT be published.
Guildly Dirt
  • A monthly critique on different aspects of the guild, such as activities, members, etc. (comical)









































June 08 Articles




























Soapbox (Reema)


Q: When was ansioso founded? -- ohspunky
A: Our original guild, neo.anxious, was founded on October 24, 2006 by a super cool person named Attie. ;D But if you want to know when ansioso was founded, -pokes guild stats-, May 4, 08. -nods-

Q: Why does everyone talk about Lori and n.a? -- ohspunky
A: Each individual has their own different reasons but the most probable is simply because of the memories. The deletions of our guild have changed us quite a bit and some of us may miss how it was "way back when".

Q: Why are we so literate? -- ohspunky
A: Uh. We're a literate guild? xD Or more seriously, as said on our FAQ page, or webbie, or, well, it's somewhere but we just believe that the English language should be used properly. Plus, who likes illiteracy? Like, honestly.

Q: Why does everyone get to see the applications? -- ohspunky
A: Each application is a possible addition to our family so naturally the rest of the family have the right to see the application and give an opinion as they should have a say in who comes into our family. How many times did I say "family" there? xD

Q: How can I apply for a committee? -- ohspunky
A: By applying on that committee's webbie page. Here they are, listed:
Member Adoption Committee
Design Committee
Activities Committee
Newspaper Committee
The only exceptions are the Activities Committee and the Newspaper Committee. For the Activities Committee, applications are only accepted in certain periods of time when the guild is in need of another AC member and applications are usually on petpages so that the rest of the guild have easy access to them as they are usually voted on. To apply for the Newspaper Committee, you must also make a petpage application containing an example of the article(s) you are applying for, a short bio of yourself, and a preferred avvie. Then you must neomail the link of the petpage to the head of the Newspaper Committee. So yeah, that's how you apply for a committee, make sure you meet the requirements first!

Q: Can you tell who voted for what in the guild poll? -- kangel27k
A: If I could, all people who didn't vote for anything pink eraser-related would be deleted. :D JOKING. But no, I can't. D;

Q: Why does the guild care about pepsi/coke preferences? -- kangel27k
A: Why do you care if we care about pepsi/coke preferences?

Proofread by: Alyssa 06/29/08


























Neopian Advice (Alyssa)


-stares at big box of questions- Oh. Joy. This going to be oodles of fun.

-sighs and pulls a questions out of the box- "What kind of neopet is Dr. Sloth?" signed Rebecca. o.o Why y'all gotta ask these hard questions?! I'm only in third grade, y'know! D; And Rebecca, I'll be able to tell you when purple erasers fly. *coughNEVERRRRRcough*

M'kay, nextttttttt. -does eeny, meeny, miny, mo- Got one! "Is there gravity in Neopia?" from Stephanie. Are we floating? I THINK NOT. NEXTTTTTTTT.

Why is Faerieland built in the clouds, and how did they build it?" signed rbeecac. Someone needs to work on their signature. o.O And to answer your questions, "rbeecac", they built it in the clouds because if it was built on asphalt, it would ruin the whole faerie theme, y'know? xD And they built it by ... the power of pink erasers. :O

OOH. I LIKE THIS ONE. "Why does TNT spend most of their time tracking people down instead of doing maintenance on the site?" from Kayla. First, I love you Kayla. :* And second, because they're pink eraser-hating butts. 'Nuff said.

Why does Queen Fyora have so much money she can afford the hidden tower stuff?" from Kayla as well! The whole story of how she got the money and everything is in Zach's article about the Wheel of Excitement, here's the link: Rant & Rave by Zach

Hm, this one's interesting. "How do neopets become ghosts?" signed rbeecac. Again. That's a really, REALLY good question! ... I don't know. xD One way is to buy a Ghost Paint Brush but there are technicalities in other ways I do not know. That's more in the pink erasers' area, they deal with resurrections so ...

Anyway, that's all for now, please DON'T hesitate to send in any questions you might have. Thanks and have a nice life. ;D

Proofread by: Alyssa 06/29/08


























Soapbox (Reema)


My Quest For Edna: Part Three

I walked on to board with my bags hunched over my back. I looked back for the last time and spotted my aunt waving to me. I waved back, and my eyes started swelling up with tears. I did everything I could to persuade my aunt to come with me, but unfortunately she wouldn't agree. She had to take care of my sick grandmother, and couldn't leave her alone. I reached the ship doors and walked in. The first thing that hit me was the smell. It smelled like perfume. I smiled. When Edna had said that she was giving me a first class trip, she wasn't lying. I walked over to A12, my seat. I couldn't stop staring. It was completely white with a television, a door leading to the bathroom, a billion books, food, and drinks. I sat down, and suddenly fell fast asleep.

Excuse me?" I opened my eyes, and looked up. The neopet in front of me smiled, "Hello, is this A12?" I was wide awake now. "Yes." "Okay, thanks." The neopet who I now knew now was a blue blumaroo sat down next to me. "Hi, the name's Peter." I kept staring. "Hello?" I snapped back into attention. "Oh, my name is… is… Umazi." "Well, nice to meet you." After that, we couldn't stop talking. I found out that Peter had become an orphan, and was leaving from an orphanage that was horrible. He had ran away, and came upon this boat. He climbed aboard, and had pretended he was a person named 'Mr. Herrington'. For some reason I felt very comfortable with him, so I told him my whole story, and asked if he wanted to join me. He grinned the widest grin I have ever seen. "Wow, you want me… I mean, ME, to do something that important? Wow, that's so nice. Of course!"

So we set off to our first destination, Terror Mountain, with me, Peter, some supplies, and hope. We would need all those things to survive in Terror Mountain, but I soon learned that hope was the most important.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Proofread by: Alyssa 05/19/08


























Research Archives (Stephanie)


Intro: *unprofessional wave* Well hey, folks! You've stumbled upon my stellar new research column. Recently I began researching the true selves of many guild members. By now you're probably wondering who the shiny, spectacular researcher is and what I'm all about. Well, calm down folks. Don't be intimidated. I'm just like you... only shinier. And more observant. And nosier. And smarter. And capable of changing the course of your life with my soon-to-be HIGHLY influential research report. But that's all. *cheery smile* Got that? Great. We proceed! (For all you slow folks out there, I'm a top secret researcher, so I'm shinier and more skillful than you. This is where my findings are published. *insert gasp here*)

The How's: I come to my conclusions based on highly scientific interviews, observations, spying, screenies, investigating, genealogy, archeology, dangerous experimentation on subjects, hula hoops, telescopes, and my imagination. All highly scientific, I can assure you. But don't concern yourself over that. Just a technicality that I, the researcher, feels a need to take care of. You just toddle on over to the article... that's where the good stuff is! *prods you onward_

The History: As with any important figure in society, you're all probably dying to know my background. Well, nothing that interesting happened until a few years back. Before this point, I was just a poor commoner. It was when I met a rich woman I guessed was posing as a commoner at the market that everything changed. Though she didn't admit it for another week after taking me in, I was right. Come to find out she was actually the talented and extremely FAMOUS Agent Pipensquabble. What? You've never heard of her? What, are you living in a cave or something? Yesh. Aaaaaanyway, Agent Pipensquabble recognized some ah-stounding qualities in yours truly. She let me know what options were available for me, and I became a TOP SECRET RESEARCHER.

Accomplishments:
-- Agent Pipensquabble as a mentor (MOST people *rolls eyes at uninformed audience* recognize the extreme prestige here.)
-- An integral part of 15 Top Secret Government operations. Well, I can't tell you which ones, it was a secret! But you can have faith in the fact that I was a very important part of them. YES, the missions actually existed! Humph.
-- Graduated from the Lifenmooth School of Research (You've never heard of that either?! You really are living in a cave!)

The Present: Currenly I work for *looks around* erm... *shifty eyes* NO ONE. *nervous laughter* That's right, I'm my own person now! *more laughter*
Just interested in bringing TRUTH to n.a. *shines proudly and hair glistens in sudden sunlight*

Well, now that you know who I am you're most likely wondering what this will look like in the future. Each month I'll select a subject of research that I will announce at the end of my column. (I will first check with this subject to make sure it's okay with said subject!) I will then conduct experiments and interviews. YOU, the righteous public, can supply me with any information you wish through neomail. Specific questions to answer can be found on a pet page link from my user lookup.

And now, the moment we've ALL been waiting for... my first research topic! *fanfare* This person gave me permission to research her long ago. Her many "identities" have long confused me, and probably many other guild members. Although she no longer resides at her original home, n.a, (*tear*), she said I could research her anyway. And I'm sure you'll all be very interested to discover the true identity of a species we call... the LORI. *suspenseful music*

Proofread by: Alyssa 05/27/08


























Rant & Rave (Lindsey)


RANTS & RAVES ; This month: THE REOPENING OF THE POUND

WHAT? Did you just say that the POUND IS REOPENING?!?!?!?!? FREEZE."
Yeah, that's what I sounded like around a month ago, practically hyperventilating, because I was to be reunited with my beloved pound once more.
Everyone has a different opinion of the pound's reopening. I myself find that there are both good and bad parts to the new version of this place.

FIRST OFF, I think everyone made a much bigger deal of the reopening than it was. Sure, I was excited, very excited, that the pound was opening up again, but I wasn't about to stay home from school to be there when it opened. AND I wasn't going to risk my literacy on the countless boards that were posted regarding the reopening. I mean OK great, I mean, it took long enough, but I knew that the pound would end up not being all that it was cracked up to be.
The transfer option, I thought, was a great idea. HOWEVER, what the harris is that once a month junk? It sort of kills the whole thing. ONE PET A MONTH? Gee, thanks. -_- Though, I thought that it would definitely make getting avatar pets a lot easier.
So Monday morning rolls around. I can't deny, I was excited. I went on the computer right before school, and… no pound. But I didn't freak out. I figured that it would open up later that day. OK, back from school. I get online_ and… no pound.
WHAT THE HARRIS IS GOING ON HERE?
The boards are flooded with complaints, and I too was getting upset.
That evening, no pound.
I was seriously disappointed.
Then, someone on our guild board told me to check the new features.
I raced over there, praying for some kind of reassurance, and …
BAM.
HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT. Sorry, but, even though you losers socially starved yourselves all weekend, you guys are going to wait until tomorrow for us to open the pound. OOPS, OUR BAD! OH WELL! :D

O_________________o
NO.
NO.
NO.
WHAT FLOTSAMS.
Ugh. So everyone is having heart attacks, and crying, and tidal waves are flooding shores, and pink erasers are sleeping, and yeah, mass destruction.
THANKS A LOT.
But, once the pound finally DID open, I was pleasantly surprised. It was neat, modern, and downright snazzy. B)
Therefore, though we waited quite some time, the pound is back, and, in my opinion, better than ever.
So now, GO FIND ME A DRAIK!

Proofread by: Alyssa 05/31/08


























Soapbox (Cyn)


Annette had a big dilemma. She sighed deeply as she picked up her Quiguki eraser and began erasing all of the writing on the page of her rainbow notebook. Annette had a big essay to write on Captain Scarblade, and it was due tomorrow. She cradled her head in her hands. What was a lupe to do?!

Annette, it's dinner time!" her mother called from the first floor of their neohome. Annette sat in her room at her mahogany desk. She ignored her mother's call and continued working. She felt lost in a rainbow sea. Staring at the paper helped nothing; it only frustrated her more and more. She put her head on her desk and gave a deep sigh. She was surprised to find what happened next.

It was lucky that Lupes are such fine swimmers. Annette found herself plunging into the depths of the Neopian Ocean! She was quite startled, but knew that she couldn't panic if she wanted to get out of there, and quickly. As she treaded water, she saw a small rowboat coming toward her. She waved her arms in the air, hoping to get the boat's attention. "Hello!" she cried. "It's me, Annette! I'm in desperate need of some help here!" She swam toward the boat, but the boat quickly caught up to her.

Well, well," said the boat driver, a pirate kyrii, when he pulled up to Annette. "What have we here? Annette, ye say? Well then, Annette, climb aboard, matey!"

Annette, dripping with salty water and quite cold, climbed aboard the small boat. "Is there enough room for two of us in here?" she asked the strange kyrii warily.

Enough for two!" He repeated. "Why, me gal, I once fit forty sailors on this here boat, rescuin' 'em from a sinking ship! A fate worse than death!"

Annette raised an eyebrow. "Well, sir, wouldn't a sinking ship imply death?"

The kyrii put his paws on his hips and brazenly stuck out his chest. "Not when the brave Cap'n Onassis comes to yer aid! No no, me hearty, never fear when Cap'n O is near!" Cap'n O chuckled. "Now, me gal, how did you come to be in this ocean?" He threw her a towel.

Annette dried her face and fur with the towel. It was a bit ragged, but it would do. "Well, sir-" "Cap'n O, please!" "Yes, s- I mean, Cap'n O. Well, I was at home doing my homework... I have an essay due tomorrow on Captain Scarblade-"

Ye don't say!" Cap'n O interrupted.

Well, yes," said Annette. She was quite annoyed at the interruption. "Well, as I was saying, I was TRYING to do my essay but I had writer's block! The next thing I knew, I was in the ocean, lupe-paddling for my life!"

Cap'n O considered this story. He put a paw under his chin and narrowed his eyes. "Now... what be an essay, me gal?"

Annette groaned in frustration. "Please, sir, Cap'n O, WHATEVER, just help me get home! Where are we? Don't you have some sort of GPS on this boat?"

G... P... say what now? No, me gal, Cap'n O is not in need of machines to ferry around! Why, Cap'n O only needs the direction of the sea wind to steer this proud vessel!"

Proud vessel indeed!" Annette said, under her breath. Cap'n O did not hear her.

Me hearty, let me tell YE a story now! Well, 'twasn't but four score and seven years ago that our forefathers... wait... I be gettin' on me tangents now and then... ah yes, here we go. The proper story!" Cap'n O gave a hearty chuckle. "Well, me gal, let me tell you the REAL story! Well, twenty years ago, our forefathers... HAHA! I got you again, didn't I? Hehe! Cap'n O is a real joker!" Annette rolled her eyes and slumped her shoulders. "Now now, no need to get disheartened me... hearty! Hehe, hoho! Now, I'll just be getting to the real story." Cap'n O began to row the boat. It was shaky at first, and Annette decided it best to grip the sides with her paws as tightly as she could. "Well, now, twenty years ago, I was the best sailor on this sea! Why, I was even cap'n of me own ship. The Fyora, I called her! Now now, the Fyora, she was a real beaut. The Fyora... my, my. Named after Fyora herself. Indeed, rightly so! Well, the Fyora was a vigilante ship! Ye know what that means, eh? It means I caught pirates! Scurvy sailors like the very Cap'n Scarblade! Well, I never caught him meself, but I went in search of him!" Cap'n O furrowed his brow. "I wish I had've, though, or that scoundrel never would've done damage! I knew of him long before his scurvy deeds with all of Neopia! Why, the Black Pawkeet was nothin' without the Fyora! After I retired, Scarblade overtook me pal Garin! I felt bad for him, indeed, but what could I do? I was retired!"

Annette's eyes lit up. "Do you have a pad and a pencil I could record this on? I would love to hear your stories about Scarblade! They may be just what I need for my essay!"

Eh... sure, me gal. That leads me to the other part of me story. After I retired from me vigilante work... I started using the Fyora to ship neoschool supplies! 'Twasn't lucrative, no, but 'twas quiet! Quiet is what I wanted! However... the boys... they got mutinous! Ever since, I've been exiled to this tiny boat to deliver me supplies... now, me gal, would ye prefer a chokato pad or an ummagine pad? Ye'd prefer an ummagine pad, wouldn't ye? Now now, where was I?"

Well, Cap'n O, I appreciate you giving me your insight, but could you also give me a ride home?" Annette asked warily.

Ah, sure, me gal. Now, where do ye live?"

I live on 2121 Cairn Close in Neopia Central."

Eh... now... that may be a problem, me gal. Ye may have to tag along with me while I make some deliveries!" Annette's jaw dropped. "Never fear, me gal, never fear! 'Tis only two stops to be made before then! Why, we should be there in the next week or so!"

Annette had a pained -disallowed_word-Loc)
Who is this Sloth so many people seem to obsess about? He is well known to all older players, but the newer ones know very little about him.

Sloth is amazingly old, older than the Neopia we know today. He was a mad scientist who came here to conduct strange experiments, and Neopia was a desolate wasteland, nothing lived on it except for Sloth and his mutants. The entirety of Neopia was covered with a thick poisonous smog, but one day a stream of light broke through and right where it stuck the ground, grass began to grow at an amazing rate. The light began to spread and it was killing all of his creatures, so he went back into his lair and was ready to leave the planet when a computer voice alerted him to a life form on the planet. Sloth quickly rushed back to his computer and saw a small dragon creature sitting taking in the land around him, then a bright flash filled the sky and a different creature was sitting next to it. Sloth decided he could enslave this race of creatures, so he waited a LONG time.

When he finally returned, Neopia had many creatures and crammed full of new places. The Space Faerie had received an encoded message from space, and shortly after a large space station began to orbit Neopia. Then reports were coming in about Neopets becoming mutated, and Sloth sent out a message saying he would replace Neopets with his own creatures called Virtupets. The Island Mystic decoded the message and Sloth was not really going to replace Neopets, he was going to mutate them with a large ray gun. He had developed this gun by zapping Grundos, a race he enslaved from another planet, with it. On an abandoned launch pad neopians began to build a fleet of ships to reach the space station. The Space Faerie had tried to free Grundos from sloth, but instead she was captured and could only be free if enough grundos were freed, and she eventually was. Dr. Sloth did not care: he would be enslaving the entire planet in due time. He readied his mutation ray and prepared to cmutate the whole planet. The ray gun fired, but Neopia was as the Space Faerie was freed from her cell. She managed to divert the beam right back at the mutation ray gun, which overloaded and exploded. However, if you thought this was the end of Sloth, you are mistaken. A bruce named Brucey B owned a lucky coin that allowed him to win every game of cheat. Dr. Sloth took a notice to this coin and when Brucey returned home one night found a letter reading:

Dear fellow Cheat! Player,
Congratulations on your performance in the recent Cheat! Championships, I am impressed. I am cordially inviting you to a private game, tomorrow on the 14th day of Relaxing. The minimum buy-in will be 100,000 Neopoints, and I am sure this will not pose a problem for you. Look forward to seeing you there!

Yours Sincerely,
R.S.

Brucey could not resist. Although some of his friends warned him not to go, he went without a thought. The game of Cheat! lasted for hours, and eliminating the two other players, it left Brucey B broke and a strange Jetsam with all of it. The jetsam offered a proposal, if Brucey bet his lucky coin, the jetsam would bet all of his money. Feeling he could still win he agreed. The Jetsam same played a "4", and Brucey called "Cheat!", as he laid down four 4's previously. However, it was a four of diamonds, showing that even though the Jetsam wasn't cheating, he was cheating at Cheat! (if that makes sense). Brucey eventually made his way to the Lost Desert where Sloth was at a Great Pyramid. He was very frustrated, for the stone walls would not open for him, no matter what he did to it. Infuriated, he threw the Lucky Coin at it and it slid into a slot that he didn't even know was there. Sloth ventured deep into the pyramid where he found a room of treasure and... The Staff of Alhasutek!! Sloth loaded all of the treasure on his ship, and led a siege onto Sahkmet. He went through and gathered up all of the Neopets in Sahkmet and turned them into mutants (sound familiar?). Sloth took his staff and summoned up a rock beast, who was destroyed by three young unnamed Neopians. Before Sloth could conjure up another, Brucey B jumped at him from behind and took the staff, happily returning all to normal.

And if you think THAT'S the end of Sloth you are quite wrong. A defense force had been residing in the space station in case Sloth were to return, and they were dearly needed when he struck. Commander Garoo burst into the space station and loaded all of the people in the station onto transports, giving the space station into Sloth's control again. Sloth had gained control of The Space Faeries Token, one of the most powerful artifacts in the universe, which he was trying to duplicate and then hand out to his army. The defense forces infiltrated Sloth's space ship and searched through all of the fake and not working Tokens and eventually found the real Token. They barged in on Sloth in his commanding deck and trapped him in the Token, will he will have years to plan out his revenge. The defense forces quickly got out of the ship, for as Sloth was entering the Space Faeries Token, he pressed the self destruct button, so all of the evidence of his trying to take over was erased.

And if you think THAT'S the end, you are probably wrong, but we don't know.

Proofread by: Alyssa 05/04/08


























Guildly Dirt (Person)


Click to join: anioso

This option is n/a, sorry.

ello all, it be Miss Razor here with the latest news updates from neo.anxious, the guild. 8D

Or shall we say anioso?

… yeah, I totally pwned at Italian when I took it in high school. 8| No doubt about it. Kthnxbye. (not kthxbai!!)

SO. Moving on to the real dirt here.

After a year of being the great, terrific, awesome, well-known, uber-rawking guild that it is, we were deleted. D8

Someone should take that class my therapist recommended, Negative Emotion Management. Yah, mahn. Not just Anger Management, NEGATIVE EMOTION MANAGEMENT, DUDE! Like, jealousy is totally thrown in the mix. Sursleh. You shouldn't just go around punching people *shifty eyes*, kicking walls, throwing boulders at random people's heads, or deleting great guilds just 'cause you be jealous (or mad). That just ain't right. It's like calling moi PINKY instead of MISS RAZOR. SURSLEH, get a flipping grip.

… now where was I?

Yeah. n.a was deleted. And LoriboribanoricoriokayI'llstopnowori was frozen.

Which is sad.

And she quit Neopets.

Which is also sad.

And now some people have no reason to live anymore.

Which is very sad.

n.a was deleted not once, but TWICE. -.- And the guild account frozen. Don't that suck? (Don't, not doesn't!)

So, Alyssa (staygood now, not believed__, so she BELIEVED__ in staying good? =o Good in which way? xD –eyebrow skillz-) has recreated n.a under anioso, which is "anxious" in Italian [Editor's Note: anxious without the S! ;D] (WHICH I PWNED AT IN HIGH SCHOOL!) and everything is goin' swimmingly FIINE right now. Ktchyeah.

And now, the Activities Committee of neo.anx – I mean, anioso – is going to accept a new member!

Yup. So if you like creating activities and hard work and being bossed around, this is da job fo you. 8D

And the council is going to accept a new member… uh… too. Ktchyeah. You get your own personalized name. Instead of being dizzy, anxious, hyper, calm, or jittery, you get to be MISS RAZOR or PERSON or ALYSSA or CHRISTINE or whatever. [Editor's Note: Actually, no. xD The council will be kept at the rank of "anxious" but the member will have all admin and will be acknowledged as a council member] Except, it'll be your actual name, not one of those. ;) Unless you're Alyssa or Miss Razor… :o WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE, YOU IMPOSTER! STOP PRETENDING TO BE ME!

… um. o_O Yeah. Anyway.

Sooooooooooooo.

How's life?

… I'm talking to a Microsoft Word document! That's it. I've officially gone crazy.

You already are crazy, loser.

… I THINK THE MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENT JUST TOLD ME I ALREADY WAS CRAZY.

… Am I imagining things?

Go to bed, you unpwnful loser.

o_O

Proofread by: Alyssa 05/03/08


























Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


Dear Mr. Muggles,
So I'm this writer for neo.anxious' newspaper. I do Around Neopia and that's basically it since NOBODY is sending in stuff under MY name without me knowing because that's probably breaking at least one law there. GUESS WHAT? I'm going to hand my article in ON TIME FOR ONCE! -bows- I know. You know what hurts my head? The Lori Conundrum. Stupid puzzles. You know what else hurts my head? PROFESSOR LAYTON. Dz HE'S A TEA MANIAC LIKE CHRISTINE but very skilled at everything unlike her. Chyeah, a tea loving, front page (London Times to be exact), sword fighting, puzzle master who "puts a lady's needs first" that has THE LAYTONMOBILE! YEAH! AWESOMEST CAR EVER. It has a high roof so he can drive without taking off his top hat. -nods- I want a top hat. His puzzles are hard though. Here's an easy one though:
Some astronaut lands on a planet. It's covered with little creatures. In his 3 hour search he counts 447 males, 582 females, and 928 with characteristics of both male and female. How many aliens are on this planet?
HA! TRY SOLVING THAT.

Dear Sparkly,
Yes, I read the newspaper of your guild once in a while. After all it is one of the best guilds in Neopia. Do you every read it? I hope not. You might find an unpleasant surprise. Anyways, with neo.anxious in Sloth's control... er... I mean... nothing. Nothing at all. Apparently I heard from somebody who went to church that sloth is a sin. Sloth is basically equivalent to being lazy. There has been too many sins in my life if that statement is true.
I don't not know why you mortals find this Lori Conundrum so difficult. It's quite easy for somebody who has at least a little bit brain. This Professor Layton, I feel as I have heard of him from somewhere. Maybe the London Times perhaps. No wait, Luke sent a letter. Detailing about their visit to St. Mystere. Yes, that's it. Top hats aren't in anymore unfortunately. Now they're magician props.
You found this puzzle difficult? Oh wait. No you didn't. Ha. For once you show some brain. Do any of you friends have common sense as well? Tell them I'll send them some pie if they get it right.

Proofread by: Alyssa 04/07/08


























Neopian Advice (Alyssa)


OHSNAP! 'Tis my first time actually writing for the newspaper. xD I answer Neopets-related questions. :o

-sticks hand in question box and pulls out a random question-

Okayyyy, so Dawg wants to know where baby neopets come from. WELL, I read your theory shortly after you asked this question and I found it very creative. I shall share it with the world! :p

Dawg: Where do baby neopets come from? Reema: *eyes widen* Okay... when a mommy neopet and a daddy neopet love each other very much... Dawg: They order an egg from the Pet Delivery Lenny!!!

Bwaha. Anyway, if you wanted the serious answer, baby neopets come from the Rainbow Fountain and the Secret Laboratory, they are either painted with a Baby Paint Brush or turned Baby while being zapped by the lab ray.

-pulls another question from the magical hat of magic that is... magical-

Reema wants to know how to get the Chef Bonju avvie. OH COME ON. Everyone knows how to get thaaaaaaat! Simple: you bribe TNT with money. 'Tis the only known way. ;D

-goes swimming in pool of questions and reads question that was accidentally swallowed-

Hmm. -blowdries question- Ah, that's better. "What is the fastest way to make money and what is the funnest?" -adjusts glasses- First of all, I'm going to assume by "money" you mean "neopoints" and second, it all depends on what you're good at and what you like to do. Personally, the fastest and easiest way to make money for me is dailes and games. I can't restock or anything like that for beans. xD Therefore, I resort to what I am half-decent at- games. And that is the funnest (BY THE WAY, "funnest" is not a real word) way for me, I mean, they're games! Some people may not find this fast or fun at all, they may prefer restocking or something else, it all depends on you. :D

-third hand that appeared out of nowhere hands me the next question-

What are some easily acquired trophies?" AGAIN, it depends on you, what you find easy might be extremely hard for someone else. The easiest trophies to attain I believe, though, are the Cheat!, Snow Wars, Go! Go! Go!, Cellblock and Beating Punchbag Bob. Those last two are pretty simple if you are willing to just spend a bit of time.

-reads next question off of cue cards pink erasers in the background are holding-

W-w-w-why... are some... p-p-pe, oh petpets! Fre-a-kish-lee, FREAKISHLY, l-lar... large! Why are some petpets freakishly large!" I told them how many calories were in those things when they walked into Hubert's Hot Dogs... -shakes head sadly-

And that's all for now! I must now go perform my daily pink eraser worshipping ceremony. Peace out, mah homeskillets! ... that did not sound right. xD

Proofread by: Alyssa 04/07/08


























Around Neopia (Sparkly)


MARAQUA - Ello. Sparkly here. If you're wondering how I am underwater it is because of an Usuki Scuba Diving Play Set I purchased. It actually works! :O

Maraqua was once ruined by pirates. You know, the people that go and steal your "booty." Now why they go around stealing other people's butts is a question best left unanswered.

OMG~ "NEW BATTLEDOME CHALLENGER!!! Chiazilla will be waiting for you in the BATTLEDOME!!! Up from the depths, twenty stories high... CHIAZILLA. 300 metric tons of fear, and he's not happy..." I just wanted to buy some sea shells. -sob-

So here you can buy a house, a petpet, some seashells, weapons and some yummy food. So you could live here with an aquatic petpet that uses shells for weapons to kill Chiazilla and then go eat a Honeyed Horn Of Plenty.

The strange thing at Kelp is the fact the waiters are fish or at least part fish. I mean they serve us dishes that use seafood right? Seafood Dishes + Part Fish Waiters. o_0

If you're in the mood for exploring, try the ruins. They have Underwater Fishing? How do you fish underwater?

There's also colouring pages. Speaking of colour have you seen those Maraquan pets? I heard it has something to do with that Bubbling Pit over there. o_0

I think I shall be afraid of fish now. T_T

Proofread by: Alyssa 04/14/08


























Fontastical (Sanny)


1. Avatar: "A Day at the Beach"

Font Screenie:

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2. Avatar: "A Meepit! Run!"

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3. Avatar: "Angry Air Mote"

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Proofread by: Alyssa 04/17/08


























Gamer's Corner (Victoria)


A new game that came out last month is Spacerocked! I think this game is fun (in what other game do you get to destroy Lori's rocket!?) The game has slingshots. There are three levels: (duh!)
Level one — the slingshot is really small, and so is the rock and Sloth/Lori's rocket.
Level two — the slingshot and rock are biggeras well as Sloth/Lori's rocket.
Level three — the slingshot is huge! The rock is really big too. I don't know about Sloth/Lori's rocket because I've never reached it.

Some stuff: Ravine: Completely stops the rock.
Puff of steam: Completely stops the rock.
Pipes: Stop the rock (note: if it hits on the top of the pipe it may or may not stop).
Red Meteor: Stop the rock.
Dirt Pile: Gives you either another rock or another on command grundo.
On Command Grundo: Gives your rock a boost whenever you hit B (three per level).
Purple Grundo: Gives your rock a boost (500 pts).
Green meteor: Gives your rock a boost (200 pts).
Lava hole: Gives your rock a boost (200 pts).
Green Meteor with Grundo: Gives your rock a boost (? pts).

The slingshot moves up and down with the up and down arrow keys. At red, it is at its lowest power. At green, it is at its highest power. So, can you beat my score of 14,668?

Proofread by: Alyssa 04/17/08


























Crossword (Alyssa)


What'd I get wrong this tiiiiiiime?

(click and drag)


I bet you can't get 10 of these!

(click and drag)


Proofread by: Alyssa 04/30/08


























April 08 Articles




























Around Neopia (Sparkly)


NEOPIA CENTRAL - 'Ello. Sparkly here. And you should know me, because if you don't, either read more articles or go shoot yourself in your foot. Because I'm mean like that. :[ GRRR! FEAR ME! AND THE WRATH OF MY AWESOME TONBERRY PLUSHIE! It's a Final Fantasy thing. :P

Anyways, due to Chatspeak Day, people thought I was a n00b and refused to let me use the public transit so I am stuck here. But I managed to get 100 Neopoints from some random nice person. YAY~ -insert party blower here-

Today I am improvising and writing my article about The Rainbow Pool. :O Shocking, I know! So basically when you become some rich person and decide not to get the Lab Ray because you're "so rich that it's not needed" or you're "too broke to buy Lab Ray" then you buy a paint brush and come here. You may also come here if you are one of the judges for Most Hideous Pet Of The Year Award. Here, you can also see happy owners paint their equally happy pets. Again, not ALL owners and pets are happy as judges are around here eating stuff like Whomp Berry Noodles.

If you want to find a new goal you can either check the pet colour list, the paint brush list, or the petpet colour list. Speaking of petpets, you can paint your pet's petpet in different colours as well. But usually people only want avatar petpets and don't really care about them so you probably won't see petpets here often.

You know what I wonder about? Why does there have to be a body of water when you're about to PAINT a pet/petpet? Why does there have to be a pool/puddle/fountain? Hmmm? And where does the brush go after you paint your pet? These are questions that need answers but sometime some questions are better left unanswered.

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/28/08


























Council Editorial (Lori)


Q: Why are activities updated the 22nd? -- witchy_raindrops
A: This date varies from month to month; basically, all biweekly activities last approximately 2 weeks, so they get updated that often.

Q: What are we planning to use our till for? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: That is up for the guild to decide, but a couple people have opted for avvie lending.

Q: Will there ever be another council election? -- 1schmidt
A: If the current council members agree that there should be one.

Q: Most "established" guilds that I've joined have forced me to quit because trying to become welcomed into the guild is like trying to break through an iron dome. You "jump in" to the conversation over and over again, and when you are finally forced to yell, "PLEASE STOP IGNORING ME," everyone yells at you and says you should have just jumped into the conversation! So, my question for you is, what is going to happen when I start chatting in your guild for the first time? -- theladyofcarrot
A: I'm glad you asked that! Personally, I believe a good guild has solid ethics, and one of them is truth. If I say that we are a very welcoming family, then we are! I have not once seen anybody being ignored at the board, and part of the reason why is because I myself am very overprotective of new members.

Q: Umm. Is n.a active? -- witchy_raindrops
A: Activeness cannot be defined as it varies from person to person because it is an opinion, but we have a higher post per hour rate than most guilds.

Q: How did rainbow dung become such a popular neo.anxious icon? -- 1schmidt
A: Attie put it in the original application (which has remained unchanged except that I added two words: the item) and since then, we just went along with it. xD

Q: Will we ever have different themed ranks? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: Most likely not.

Q: Does the layout of the webbie ever change? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: Only Attie has access to change that, and since she's gone, probably not.

Q: Why is Christine Fyora? -- witchy_raindrops
A: It was during the second war when I officially dubbed her Fyora to go along with the storyline for the war.

Q: Can we change the information page layout again? -- witchy_raindrops
A: We can.

Q: Where did the name "neo.anxious" come from? Was it that way when Attie started it? -- witchy_raindrops
A: Attie named it that, and we've been named thus ever since. Many other guilds have actually liked this idea and named their guild something.something!

Q: In addition to avatar items, will the guild ever lend petpets? -- cobolt_87
A: You can request certain petpet avatars through the PP redemption center, like angelpuss and drackonack. In the future, if avatar lending goes successfully, we might lend meowclops. As for petpets that need to be aged, it is impractical to lend someone a petpet for say, 100 days. If the pound opens up in the future, however, we might do that. ^^

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/24/08


























Crossword (Alyssa)


UPLOAD THOSE ANSWERS. PRONTO. NOW. MUUUUUSH!

(click and drag)


M'kay, so I got a couple wrong... WATCH ME OWN THIS MONTH!

(click and drag)


Proofread by: Alyssa 03/31/08


























Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


Dear Mr. Muggles,
I apologize for Toady's horrible spelling. He's been watching some gangstuhh named Lori. I should start making him stalk Alyssa, being the literate freak she is.
Apparently some Saturday a while back was cH475p3@K d4Y or something like that. I wasn't there though, I had… other things… to do.
T_T In school my class is doing poetry. I ABSOLUTELY do NOT understand poetry. First of all, oxymorons. THEY. JUST. DON'T. MAKE. SENSE. Like WORK PARTIES or ORIGINAL COPIES or SILENT SCREAMS. Too many capitals. @_@
xD You know what's funny? I got a new Mynci Book of World Records GAMER'S EDITION 'cause I'm cool like that. I saw this record and it said that this guy finished the game in 5 hours and 19 minutes. It took me about 6 days. But for people who have absolutely no willpower or they aren't a video game addict like me would probably take a month. So I'm proud of myself for taking only 6 days. Usually it takes me 8. -nods-

Dear Sparkly, A gangstuhh named Lori? I feel like I've heard that name before. My boss… Hmmm…
Chatspeak Day? I've heard of Talk Like A Pirate Day but this is completely new. I think that they should introduce a Talk Like A Ninja Day. Surely some VERY angry ninjas are wondering where their day is. Poetry? I've heard some odd poems in my day. Like this girl, she ran around saying "Chappy the Rabbit says 'Pwease!', I like to eat cheese." And that was it. I think her name was Sarks. Or was it Sarksta? Well anyways, it was something like that.
Mynci Book of World Records Gamer's Edition? I'm sure I only have the Mynci Book of World Records one. It's nice to have resources to plan out the new global domination plot… er… I mean… world peace foundation.
I really need to stop starting my paragraphs with questions.

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/28/08


























Fontastical (Kir)


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neoSignature: ] [br][fontc=#AE9911s=8f=forte]----------------------►kir[/font][/b][/center]

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/28/08


























Gamer's Corner (Victoria)


This month's game is Meerca Chase II. It has lots of helpers and ways to play. Here is a brief overview of each:

Helpers:
Superextrahypergravitymode - Another mode on the front page! You can stop running in this mode. In this mode there is gravitational pull to the center of the screen. All other normal rules are the same.
Ferociousneggsareontheloose - Another mode! You run collecting neggs. You don't get a tail, but for every negg there is another ferocious negg.
Click the right eye of the front page meerca - What's the point of the guy with a green shirt?

Modes:
Classic: Move up, down, left and right. Collect neggs. Avoid red neggs, walls, and tail.
Freestyle: Move in any direction. Collect neggs. Avoid red neggs, walls, and tail.
Maze: All classic rules, but you avoid hedges also.

How to Play:
Use the arrow keys to move the meerca to collect as many neggs as possible. Easy, medium, and hard change the speed of your meerca and the point value of the neggs. The avatar for this game is earned with over 1250 points. I want it; my high score is 1064.

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/15/08


























Guide (LOL-a!)


Newbies: A guide for you and me
Written by LOL-a!
Hasn't everyone once been a newbie? (I have, and you must have, a while ago.) If you are currently a newbie, Neopets may be a bit confusing. (All the places, plots, chatting, and scamming are a headache.) Well, I'm here to help! As an experienced player, (since 2003) I've been here through the changes and plots. So for this month and the next, I will be doing a Newbie guide, for our great Neo.Anxious members!

When you first make your account, you have an option to make a pet. Of course, take it! (A petless account looks sad.) Make a pet you'll appreciate, because as a new player, I suggest one pet is the best option. You have to feed it, and give your pet love and affection. Now, you're ready to play! Go to shops, and into your inventory, and get a 'Newbie Pack'. Some starter items! To earn neopoints, the easiest way (in this stage) is to play a few games. Try some easier ones, see if you like them. Then as soon as you have a bit on hand, you may want to make a bank account, so nobody steals.

Now that you have a few neopoints, you should make a goal. Something you want to accomplish. Many people have goals to get avatars (something collectable), some want to have great pets. That will be looked on later. But, now it's time to make a few friends! So go on the Neoboards, and pick a topic. Newbies may not be the best, as a lot of spammers go there. But the 'Guild' boards are great. A guild is a group of people; Neo-Anxious is pretty fabulous guild. You want to join something you'd like, say Harry Potter, or Music. Whatever your interests are, there are others that share them. But you DON'T want to be scammed. For a guide on the most common scams, tune in next month!

So now you have your account settled, deposit some stuff into your safety deposit box. A random event, is when someone may steal your items, or grant you magical wishes. Then there are plots. These are a great way to engage, and test your intellect. Or, if you just want the prizes at the end, you can use a help guide, and give them kudos.

Well folks, it was a pleasure informing you. Next month, I have part 2 on newbies, which focuses on the Goals and Scams. Be on the look out, and BEWARE! Au revoir, from your new guide writer, LOL-a! On another note, this was my first guide for the newspaper. Tell me how it was!

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/31/08


























Guide (SM)


I've covered a great deal of subjects in my time on the newspaper, but now I'd like to write a slightly different sort of guide … how to get your articles in on time. :D I've noticed few get their articles in early in the month (myself included) so I decided to explain how that can be done. Some may say it's hypocritical of me to write a guide like this when I'm turning it in barely before the start of April, but I feel it's something that needs to be written. Essentially there are three steps to getting an article in on time.

1. Don't procrastinate. Pretty much the biggest rule that there is. Procrastination is the reason that people don't get articles turned in by the due date. If you want to save Alyssa from a stress related death, I advise you follow it. :)

2. Start your article at the beginning of the month. Kind of goes with rule numero uno, but slightly different. If you start it on the first day of a month, you really don't give yourself the chance to wait until the last minute and procrastinate.

3. Know what you're writing about. If you don't know what your subject is concerning, it's obviously difficult to write a piece of writing regarding it.

I'd make this longer, but I feel it will be more effective concise. Now get your articles in early next month and the many months to follow. :D

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/28/08


























Guildly Dirt (Person)


Literate is Not Definite Enough a Term

08 March, AD. neo.anxious guild headquarters. Pinky Razor reporting.

It was a beautiful early spring day in neo.anxious. Lori was finally beginning to shine, casting warmth on the guild that revolved around it - I mean, her. ;o The bitter cold of the winter was long gone; hyper, dizzy, jittery, anxious, and calm people, as well as people with actual names (=O), were poking their heads out of the underground hole where they had hibernated for the winter. And let's not forget the one spy. Disguised as one of the many neo.anxiousians, she sat, covered in garments, teeth chattering throughout the whole winter, determined to give her fans the scoop - poor soul; she didn't know she had no fans. But let's move on, shall we?Ah, the glory of March. Don't we all love this month?

Unfortunately, the beauteous day was ruined… by the least likely source of all.

W3R3Z M1 T344??!!!!!!??!///!!!slash!!!11one///??!!exclamationpoint??!?!?/1//1slash//!?!onehundredeleven??!?!shift/1/1!!/1shift??!/slash?!!1″ an enraged voice screamed, so loudly that several people quickly blocked their ears.

1 d0n+ n0000, 0kkkkk??!?!?!?!?!SLASHONEoneoneSLASH//!??!!shiftshift?!?!?!?!!11/" another just as unlikely voice yelled back. "w3r3 d1dd uuuuu l33v3 1+?!?!?!!11slashslash"

Several of the spectators stared at Lori and Alyssa (or should we say 10r33 and @13355uh?) as they screamed chatspeak at each other. Some people covered their ears and ran, like any sane person would have, but a few crazy people actually… LE GASPEH… /JOINED IN/.

i11 g3++ 10r33 +344!!!!eleven!!!one!!!11111111shift" several suck-ups screamed, and then proceeded to fight with each other in eardrum-busting chatspeak over who should be the one to give Lori tea.

… what is this horrific scene, you may ask? N00bs invading neo.anxious (the private, awesomatical, supposedly LITERATE guild) through the work of an inside n00b? (Who would NOT be Miss Razor. AT ALL. *shifty eyes*) A rip-off the real neo.anxious, one where n00bs lived? No, the answer is even more horrifying than those two prospects - it was neo.anxious itself, in all its supposed glory.

The guild was undergoing a terrible day for most of the non-insane ones (which was about 0.00000000000000000000000000000001% of the guild) - Chatspeak Day. For one day, all the literate Neopians of neo.anxious were allowed to chatspeak all they wished, and get absolutely NO penalties for it. And of course, all the people who had trouble with being perfectly literate enjoyed the day. =)

Pinky Razor would like to cut in here, and add that "literate" is not definite enough a term. "Literate" can mean the ability to read and write, but in Neopia, literate people are considered to have perfect spelling and grammar. What about other languages, though? Sursleh, "literate" is a hard concept to grasp.

(Only Miss Razor said this in a way less professional manner. =D)

End report.

M'kay, so, like, yeahhh. This is Miss Razor, by the way, m'kay, yo? We just got sent that report, written by an unknown source, under MY FREAKING NAME!!!

POSERS.

…

-silence-

-crickets chirp- AND I /DO/ HAVE FANS.

…

… RIIIGHT?!?!?!?!

…

U______U

UMMM, YEAHH, ANYWAY.

Chatspeak Day totally killed my eyes. I mean, really. I may not be da most literate person evaaa, but sursleh (seriously, to all you civilians =P), who could stand all that chatspeak?

Except n00bs, of course. But who understands their brains. I mean, c'mon! Be real.

By the way, Avatar Simon is a really suckess game. Duuuuuuude, n.a has a ton of awesome avatar collectors, leaving all the poor people with less than 150 avatars to flail about when one of said avatar collectors is hosting, trying hard to get just ONE avatar they (don't? o.o) have (clickables don't count, m'kay?). Tchyeahh.

Speaking of avatars, Avatar Trivia is an n.a activity. And speaking of activities, there are two or three new ones! :D (Depends on how you look at it.)

First, Food For Thought. If you're good with words and expressing yourself, this is the activity for you. 8D In this activity, a French chef (or something like that o.o) asks a meaningful question, and rewards you with food if you answer. This question dives into really deep thinking, so if you're a food-loving philosopher, you should totally check this activity out. ;D

The other two - or one - new activity (or activities?) is named, quite accurately, "neo.anxious craze." It's for people who are totally crazy about neo.anxious and would like to show their love. =D For those people who can make spiffy banners with Paint or PSP or whatever, graphics can be created to show how much they adore neo.anxious, and said people who make spiffy graphics will see their very own work displayed. :o THE HONOUR! -cough- Yeah. And the lufferly neo.anxiousians will vote on which two are cooliosist, and those two will get prizes. 8D And if you… to put it quite bluntly… suck at making graphics, just create an ad! All that requires is a brain (you DO have one, right? =O) and a bit of wit. (ONGZZ, DAT RHYMED. =O =O =O) People will vote for the best two ads, and all that stuff. ^_^

If you suck at both creating ads AND making graphics, go away, loser.

-yawns- It's time for me to run away before Lori catches on to who I'm disguised as in the guild now. Bye, peoples. ^_^

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/24/08


























Lori Conundrum (Lori)


Last month's answer:

(click and drag)
width='100'

And this month's puzzle:

(click and drag)
width='100'

[Editor's note: HELP ME!!! MY PRECIOUS PINK ERASERS!!! -sobsob-]

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/24/08


























Quizzical (Reema)


*clears throat* Everyone knows who Alyssa is, right? Well, if you do, you should now that she is obsessed with pink erasers. Unfortunately, I only know two types of pink erasers on neopets, so I am forced to add other ones too. Let's find out what eraser you are!

1. You are featured in the newspaper and given the title, "Best Neopian in the World!" What do you do?

A: Yeah right! Like I'm ever going to win that! *cries*
B: Yum, yum! I wonder what my prize will be! I hope it's a pickle!
C: Lalalalala! *skips along*
D: I believe that if I am given this award, I will be very honored. I would be really happy and get lots of fame. It would be an amazing experience!

2. You find out the world is going to blow up?! How do you react?

A: Who cares? I'm going to die anyways! *cries*
B: Maybe after this world blows up, they will make a new one named Pickleworld!
C: Lalalalala! *skips along*
D: Well, if the world is about to blow up, that would be pretty bad, so I have to contact the Neopets Space Station and report to them about it. They will probably help figure out the situation.

3. You find out you actually made neopets! What do you do?

A: Made Neopets? Ha! I can barely make it to the stairs! *cries* I live in a world of lies!!
B: If I can do that I will rebuild it, and *gasps* this time I'll make it entirely out of pickles!!
C: Lalalalala! *skips along*
D: Well, that's not very logical, is it? I was born a long time after neopets was made! This is a very stupid theory!

4. You find Alyssa talking to a pink eraser! What do you do?

A: Well, that's just mean she's a little—why are you even asking me?! Do you really want my opinion?! *cries*
B: *grabs eraser* I wonder if it tastes like a pickle.
C: Lalalalala! *skips along*
D: That just means she's crazy. I mean who would be talking to a pink eraser? Obviously the pink eraser won't talk back. [Editor's note: I'm sorry, excuse me, but WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!]

5. You go to watch Lori in a rap off contest and found out she won! What do you do?

A: Who cares? What's so great about a rap contest anyways?
B: I'll go congratulate her! The prize might be a pickle!
C: Lalalalala! *skips along*
D: A rap contest, eh? Well, obviously Lori wouldn't win. Logically, it would be Dawg or SM. *Lori chucks dung at head*

You've finally finished my quizzical! After answering all these questions, you probably want to know what eraser you are! Well, calm down my friend, I'm about to tell you!

Mostly A's: You're always sad at something and don't think life has a purpose. *gasp* I mean the awful remark you said at the last question?! *shakes head* Well, don't worry, if you were a bit—a LOT more cheerful you would be a great friend and someone that ACTUALLY has a personality. For now, though, you are an Inky Eraser!

Mostly B's: Ahhh… you. *points* I think you already know what you love. Did you guess pickles? If you did, you were right. *pats shoulder* Well, since you are obsessed with pickles, you are REALLY strange. Good job! *cough* *cough* This section is meant for Alyssa, Lori, Losteh, and SM. *cough* You are a spiffeh Pickle Eraser!

Mostly C's: Well, erm, you definitely like to… skip… and sing. Good for you. You are really strange and merry. XD Congrats. *cough* This part is meant for Person. *cough* You are a Berry Ink Eraser.

Mostly D's: I am so disgusted. You are too normal, regular, and logical to be an eraser. I think Alyssa might hurt you, but… you had your chance. You're just… normal. *turns away*

~Reema

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/28/08


























Shopping Bazaar (SM)


In this month's shopping bazaar I'll give a synopsis of two great food shops to restock at; the chocolate factory and bakery.

Chocolate is a great place to restock at, but unfortunately it is often very crowded as a result. Avatar collectors often come here to get the chocolate avvie, so it can be tough to restock at times. This shop is okay for beginners, but I don't really recommend it to you unless you're intermediate, or advanced. You should carry around 30k.
There are a lot of things that you should buy here. I'm not going to say all of them, but a great deal of them. Try to buy all orange, dark, and mint chocolates as well as those colorful lollypops (usually species ones). To sum up everything else, I'd say 1-2-3 in stock. And as an added incentive, if you restock an item that's r90 or over there, you get the chocolate avvie!

The bakery shop shop is very much like choco, but less crowded. As a result it's better for beginning restockers, and you should carry 30k while restocking here like choco. This is a very good shop, great for getting NPs. It is not really the BEST shop for beginners, but if you've been restocking even for just a little bit, that's fine. A lot of bakery items are worth around 7-10k, and stock for 500 NPs-5k. Like at choco, buy 1-2-3 in stock. There are a lot of cakes that are good, and cookies are also nice buys. Guess that just about sums it up, now get out there and restock.

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/31/08


























Soapbox (Losteh)


So, since I have finally decided to crawl out of my Symol hole and tell you about my life, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Serenity, a rainbow kacheek that lives with the maniac known as Losteh. Anyways, I shall now tell you about a day when I was very, very young. Nine hours old to be exact. (: Anyways (again), my mom gave me my very first banana.

The shape, the color… everything about it excited me. I didn't want to ruin it or "hurt" it. I had named the Banana (ebil music in background)… Joseph Shnaapppp.

Awh, Joseph, I'm so sorry, I have to do this, my luff." I slowly peeled Joseph, my blood rushing through my veins, my heart beating quickly (sounding familiar?). All it would take is four peels, then I could finally taste a beautiful banana.

A sweat drop formed on my forehead, then slowly slid down my face, making a streak of laid down, wet fur behind it. It looked like I had put too much hair gel on one line of color.

I had finally peeled off all four sides, my mouth going to bite the succulent fruit. I could see Losteh looking at me strangely through the corner of my eye. My mouth was now watering, one sharp tooth ready to plunge into the poor Joseph. I bit down slowly, chewed, & swallowed.

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/31/08


























Soapbox (Reema)


My Quest For Edna: Part Two

The first thing I saw when I walked into her room was a ball. Not just a normal ball, a crystal ball with swirling winds.

Pula, min, istu, ria, booma, booma." mumbled Edna.

Suddenly I saw the swirling winds turn into a picture. I looked at it. It couldn't be, but it was! My face had magically appeared in the ball. I gasped.

Be quiet!" said Edna. She continued, "Yes, yes. Danger, friendship, being betrayed… I see.

She looked up. "Did you hear all of that or do I have to repeat myself?

My eyes widened. I had thought that this adventure was going to be fun, but now I was having my doubts.

I- I changed my mind." I stammered.

Edna looked up and smiled a wicked smile. "I'm sorry darling, it's much too late now. If you decide to betray me, very bad things will happen.

I closed my eyes to take that in. "Fine, I will do it, but I want something in return.

Edna's eyes widened. "Yes, yes of course. Edna will pay you for your troubles. What do you want? Neopoints, a paint brush, rainbow dung, what?

I grinned. "Nothing like that. Something much, much more valuable to me. I want to meet my father." Edna sneered. "Your father. He's left you. He doesn't want you!

How do you know that for sure? I believe that he still wants me, but… never mind. You just won't understand.

Fine, you get me the three items and I will tell you where your father is. I can't take you to him." "Fine, that's all I need.

Ann's father had gone on a business trip and never came back. Not only that, but he did it when she was only three days old. She had cried and cried everyday. She didn't even had a picture of him. All she had to remember him was a little piece of string he gave her to play with. Of course now, it was ruined in many places. She didn't even know if he was alive, but she hoped. For the first time since she had last seen her father, she hoped, she hoped that he was alive.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Proofread by: Alyssa 03/28/08


























March '08 Articles


  • *Rant by a concerned guild member


























*Rant (concerned guild member)


Topic: Guilds that copy us!

I don't usually write for the newspaper, so you'll have to excuse anything I'm doing wrong… but anyway, I'm a fellow member of neo.anxious (a quite old one, at that!) and I wanted to RANT about copy-cat guilds (or how Lori calls them, guilds that take their inspirations from us). HA. Inspirations!? More like, copy and paste. What has neo.anxious gone through? Guilds that copy and pasted the application page, is the first one. Maybe changed a few words around, but it's pretty obvious they did it. Credit? Nah. Or maybe a tiny tiny tiny one-word credit like thanks, neo.anxious in some hidden corner of the page. Where's the originality these days!? Second, guilds that copy and paste the darn CODING! Now, I don't think any of the council members let anyone do this, so uhh, can't we report you for that? Then, there's the newspaper. I've seen at least 3 guilds basically rip off our articles from our's. Yeah, they left a credit, but wouldn't it look better to their OWN members if they actually came up with their OWN ideas instead of just copying our's and giving us a credit? Next, the application tutorial. Now, I KNOW for a fact that we came up with this ages ago. Now they're on every private guild you see. And lastly, our layout preview. I have confirmation from a council member that we came up with this do, and now it's EVERYWHERE on the Guild Chat! As an advertiser myself, I feel that neo.anxious isn't getting enough recognition for all this originality that we have! People keep commenting about how all NR guilds are the same- isn't it kind of obvious WHY?

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/23/08


























Around Neopia (Sparkly)


BRIGHTVALE - I FINALLY escaped. I got back YESTERDAY due to those "amazingly superb rescuing skills" that Alyssa has. And I came back and she was like "Articles. ROFL" [Editor's note: ROLF**] T_T So here I am, in Brightvale. Surely a very green place. It seems like a nerdy place too. -is nerdy- YAY~
So since I am lazy, I will only write small descriptions.

Brightvale Fruits, a yummy snack for all. And it's HEALTHY. o_0

Brightvale Armoury, if there is ever a war, go here first. Even though it's light cloth armour, it's deadly. Go WoW MAGES!!!!! POLYMORPH FTW~

Brightvale Motery, find your element. You might also get a pretteh avatar.

Brightvale Books, learn something new here. Buy a book and read it.

Royal Potionery, when I came there was only a Tangella Tonic left in stock. Learning about herbs may be nice if you ever end up stranded on some random island and nobody is there to help you. The cybunny is nice.

The Scrollery, a place filled with scrolls. I know, shocking, eh?

Brightvale Glaziers, what kind of NeoHome DOESN'T have windows? A lot of hard work goes into making these windows for everybody to purchase. A window for everybody, pretty, scary, or just plain odd.

The Wheel of Knowledge, 500 NeoPoints a spin. Win more Neopoints, items, and other things. Watch the wheel go around and around again. FWEEEEEEEE~

Brightvale Colouring Pages, OMG HELP. Sloth seems to have stolen the colour from these pages! Print one out and colour it to give back the pretty colours.

Last but not least is everybody's favourite, WISE OLD KING. Share some of your wisdom with him. You do have wisdom, right? :P He's much better than his bother, at least he accomplished SOMETHING in his life. He might even give you a book. Brightvale people like books.

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/23/08


























Around Neopia (Delilah)


I was strolling around Neopia one day, and I happened to look up in the sky. And, by some chance, what did I see orbiting our planet? A moon. I decided to visit the moon, as I had never been there before. How exciting would it be up there?

Not exciting. Not exciting at all.
Well, at first it was a little exciting. I mean, I was in outer space! Come on, that is cool! The first thing that I noticed was a mining corporation. Normally, these mines are abandoned. I guess the dug all they could dig out of them. But then there was one mine, and this huge freakin' robot attacks me verbally and made me cry. The S750 Kreludan Defender Robot chases me out. So, apparently, visitors can't go in the mine. How sad and less exciting.

Next, in some random spot on the planet, is a Neocola Machine. Now, being chased away from a huge robot got me thirsty, so I was ready to buy a drink. But, of course, I didn't have a token. So I couldn't buy myself a drink, and I couldn't do anything there, either.

After that I went to the coloring pages. Why, I don't even know. Does anyone use those things? Really? So, again, I did nothing. So then I went shopping at Kreludan Homes. But, of course, the orange grundo says, "Sorry, we are sold out of everything! We get restocked every eight minutes or so, so please come back soon." So AGAIN, I did nothing.

I went to Cafe Kreludor afterwards. But I swear, the chef did NOT wash his hands, and I wasn't about to eat anything that was on that table! Ick!

So I walked over to the last place there was to go, the Booktastic Books store. Bernard, the shop owner, said to me as I walked in, " *sigh* You don't really want to buy a book, do you?" So I looked at him in the eye and said, "No, you know what? I DON'T! So HA!" And I walked out.

My trip to Neopia's only moon was terrible. There was nothing to do there. NOTHING! Unless I wanted to throw up from horrible food, get lasered by a robot, and get out a sixty-four pack of Crayola and color, then my trip was a waste of time. And the gravity was only 30% of the norm! Do you know how hard it is to walk around the moon when you're bouncing everywhere?

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/03/08


























Council Editorial (Lori)


Q: How often do you put something in the "Lori says:" box. -- cookiecrumbs226
A: Whenever the current information is no longer valid, or when I have something to replace it with!

Q: Do clubs have to have a theme? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: I most likely will not accept any without a theme. xD

Q: Can I ask for homework help on the boards? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: Conversation on the neoboards is unlimited as long as it follows TNT's rules, and as long as it does not make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Q: Is there a limit to how many clubs the guild can have in all? -- made up
A: I don't plan on having a limit, but if there are 40 clubs with 1 member each in them, I would probably encourage people to join clubs rather than make them.

Q: Can clubs have multiple leaders? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: Well, of course the other leader(s) would not be able to edit the petpage that the club is on, but I could see how that could be arranged. That's a yes. :)

Q: Can I submit a new ad? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: You can always use your own advertisement when advertising. If you think your ad is simply AMAZING and beats the two that we have up, I could put it up, getting the consent of some people first.

Q: Do you plan on adding anymore activities? -- x_lostfang_x
A: Activities are never planned, they just are created when it pops into our head! xD I think we have a sufficient amount of activities for the moment, and we usually have several seasonal activities throughout the year. If you have an idea though, the activities committee would love to hear about it!

Q: How do you decide on poll topics? -- spirit_of_myths
A: Currently, Alyssa and I are the only ones with poll admin. I generally like to have productive polls, whereas Alyssa will usually prefer fun, wacky polls! [Editor's note: WHO DOESN'T?!]

Q: How do I submit an idea for an activity? -- spirit_of_myths
A: You can just neomail one of the activities committee members your idea.

Q: Who made the guild? -- spirit_of_myths
A: Dr. Sloth. Nah, the original founder was Attie (hungrykaddie). Unfortunately, she has left neopets permanently, but she'll never leave our hearts. :) She is such a creative, skilled person- she created the website herself, and came up with the whole newspaper! Attie really does amaze me, and it's a shame she won't be with us anymore.

Q: Why do some people have stars infront of their name on the members list? -- spirit_of_myths
A: That means they have a certain type of admin. Most of the people with this star have board and invite admin- meaning that they are on the member adoption committee. The design committee head has layout admin, and council has all admin. The only one who can give out admin is Alyssa.

Q: Is there a limit of how many members can be in the guild? -- cookiecrumbs226

A: Wasn't this an old question that Christine asked me a while back? I've never pictured the guild being off-limits, but lately we have gotten extremely exclusive, due to the strict application acceptance standards. We also try to keep the member count fairly reasonable by deleting inactive members.

Q: Will the guild ever be public? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: The day I die. :)

Q: Will you take suggestions for the poll? -- cookiecrumbs226
A: Sure! You can just neomail Alyssa.

Q: How did the whole Lori = Sloth thing start? -- believed__
A: Nooooo idea whatsoever. I think I might have been compared to Sloth (we being evil dictators and all), and soon I had minions and the whole enchilada (Mexican hobo!?). I rather liked the name, and now insist that I am Dr. Sloth. :D

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/23/08


























Crossword (Alyssa)


LET ME SEE THE ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH ALREADY!!

(click and drag)
width='100'

OHHH! That's what I got wrong, okay, SHOW ME THE NEW ONE! I'ma get it fo'sho this time:

(click and drag)
width='100'

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/28/08


























Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


Dear Mista Moogles,
Ello. My name is Toady. WOOT~ Go toads. My friends got angry at me because I didn't watch "Moppets" when I was little and I said "Kermit the Toad" and they all got angry at me because apparently it's "Kermit the FROG".
Anyways, what'd up? ^^ I heard you went on vacation. Where did you go to? It sounded like it was fun. But Sarks here says she's lazy and asked me to write for this month's letter. Says something about how she's watching some ANIME show called "Meself; Yoself". Also she says it ain't fo' kids. AND shes says the theme songs sound happy when it's a depressing show.
Did yo' hear about how the Space Station got attacked and them everybody went into kaos? Dz I never could speel that word. :P Anyways, I heard they were like "AHHHH!!!!111!!!! HELP!!!!111!!! plz donate to me shop, k, thx, bye HELPPP!!!!!!11111!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!"

Dear Toady,
Shame on you, not watching "Moppets." By the way it's "Mister Muggles." You sure have a lot of spelling errors. How old are you?
I did go on vacation. They kidnapped me and wrote some crummy letter. It's completely false. I mean, there's a smiley. And who rides a shoyru now-a-days? Plus it's ILLEGAL. They even have one of those unions up already. I think it was S.A.N.R.T.L.P. (Shoyrus Against Neopets Riding Them Like Planes). OBVIOUSLY I was there when my boss... er... I mean... Sloth took over the Space Station. I was... um... grabbing a Cherries Jubalee to eat. Yeah. That's it. Civilians these days, can't spell ANYTHING right. Seriously, one of them spelled it as "neting." I mean when my boss... I mean... Sloth takes over the world HOPEFULLY people will at least spell better. Not that I'm with him for mutating everybody with Kreludium-232... nope.. not at all. And it's 'chaos'.

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/23/08


























Gamer's Corner (Victoria)


SNOWBEAST SNACKRIFICE

Since no one really reads what it says at the beginning, I thought I'd type it out for you! "A village on Terror Mountain is plagued by an ancient curse, and its citizens believe that the only way to avoid the jinx's wrath is to deliver an offering of petpets to a nearby snowbeast's cave. As soon as the petpet protection league (PPL) became aware of this ghastly ritual, however, they sent a delegation to Terror Mountain to stop the petpet sacrifices.

In this game, you play the role of a villager who is doing his best to get past the PPLers and toss as many petpets into the snowbeast's lair in the allotted time. Advance from level to level by meeting the cumulative score for that round.

This game is very hard. Most of the time I play, I get a low score, but occasionally I do beat all four levels and get a decent score. What are some tricks I use to get a good score? I guess you would like to know:

Trick number one: Try to get as many points as possible on level one. It's really easy. All you have to do is throw five petpets into the lairyou do. Once that, don't wait for the time to run out. Keep throwing as many petpets into the lair as possible.

Trick number two: Use the bonus as much as possible. All you have to do is fill the meter on the bottom to full three times. Then, you only have to click at any of the many petpets being thrown for you. I can get it twice per level. It is really helpful on levels three and four. This trick goes along with trick one. Don't stop!

Trick number three: Don't be afraid to know out the PPL people. If you hit them with a petpet they will get dizzy. That gives you a chance to throw more petpets into the lair. When the meter is full, you can hit more than one PPL and sometimes get the petpet into the cave! So how is that for using the full meter?

Trick number four: Don't feel bad for the petpets. That is self-explanatory.

My last words on this game are practice a lot. This game is hard. Don't expect to get a high score on your first try. This game has no avatar and no cheats that I know of. It only has four levels. My high score is 594.

**No Petpets were harmed in the making of this guide.**

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/13/08


























Guide (Reema)


Getting Lori on Your Good Side

1. First of all, never call Lori, Lori. Always call her Dr. Sloth. If you do, she will like you. She's been trying for years, but it had never caught on. Once, I made the mistake of calling her Lori, and believe me, I am never going to do it again. I mean she seems nice and all, but when she hits, it hurts.

2. Never ever ask for charity. Dr. Sloth doesn't really have a soft spot for poor people. Like she always says, "Pay for yourself!! I'm never giving you money." It doesn't matter where you ask. If it's in a neomail, guild post, or a board post, it won't make a difference.

3. If you desperately want to be Lori's neofriend, it won't matter a bit. She won't let you be. If you try to neomail her over and over asking her again and again it will just make her even madder. Two things Lo- ehm, Dr. Sloth hates is getting her neofriend list filled with people and getting too many neomails.

4. Do you know what Lucky 7 is? Well, you should!! If you don't, tsk, tsk!! *shakes heads* It is a shop (of Dr. Sloth) where you can get items. If you do happen to buy an item you will get lucky!! Like, for example, I bought something and I am lucky as ever. *gasps* Where did my fifty thousand neopoints go?! *looks at readers* This is just a coincidence.

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/28/08


























Guide (SM)


A Guide to Guilds

Obviously we all know what the name of the best guild in neopia is *coughneoanxiouscough*, but just for the sake of being thorough I'll go over what to look for when choosing a guild.

There are many forms of guilds, the most common type being neorelated. However, there are also guilds such as roleplaying, fashion, harry potter, and many others with unique themes. Some very popular guilds, such as battledome and avatar, often have requirements to get accepted, such as a certain amount of avatars, pet with a minimum stat, or battledome set worth at least a certain amount of neopoints.

When searching for a good guild, there are three main things you want to look at.

1. Activeness (The post count/Members)
2. Activities (This includes anything and everything the guild has to offer, and can usually be found on said guild's webbie)
3. Graphics (Layout, webbie, logo, any graphics such as banners or userlookups said guild has to offer, etc.)

If you make a guildless board, a good way to decide which guild you want to join is by ranking a guild on a scale of 1-5 (1 being the highest and 5 being the lowest) in each of the three main categories. Say one guild has a 2 on activeness, a 3 on activities and a 5 on graphics while another guild has a 4 on activeness, 4 on activities, and 3 on graphics. Guild 1 would get a ranking of 10, and guild 2 would get a ranking of 11, thus guild 2 is the better overall choice. Of course, if you can change this if you don't care about certain aspects of guilds. For example, if you didn't care about activeness, you could take that section out. Then, Guild 1 would have a ranking of 8 while guild 2 would have a ranking of 7, making Guild 1 the better choice for you.

Oh, and from now on this system of ranking will be known as the SM Guild Ranking. B)

Now once you have chosen your guild things are very simple. Chat with the members on the guild board, participate in your guild's activities, maybe make graphics if you are skilled, and of course … ADVERTISE. I would go into depth on advertising, but Lori knows much more on that subject than me and I suspect she'll make a guide on it sometime. Happy guilding! :D I would say guild hunting, but if you're reading this, chances are you're already in the best guild ever.

Also, don't do drugs, they damage you, they're addictive, and they're expensive. Don't even try them once. Lori, this means you too. -.-

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/29/08


























Guildly Dirt (Person)


Our Favorite Undercover Agent Hosts

(watch as it crashes and burns like ... umm ... POMPEII. :D)

Hi everyone! =D After a succession of... umm... CINQ COMMENTOS (that's five comments to you civilians, yo), the super-duper alley-ooper (is stealing from Tigger - OMG LYK DAT RHYMED1111) totally fantasmical MISS RAZORRRRRRR is back in da house!!

-silence-

-crickets chirp-

UMM, YEAH ANYWAY.

So, after a WHOLE month of not seeing me (you must have all been DEVASTATED Dx), I'm back. Sucks for you. D:

I think. :P

But now I'm back. =D And I've spent the whole month lurking in neo.anxious, dredging up NEW, FRESH DIRT FROM LOWE'S *hackcoughspit* I mean, FRESH JUICY GOSSIP. JUST. FOR. YOU.

Feel special. *insert cheesy grin here*

ANYWAY, there was ANOTHER Valentine's Day activity that they hid from moi. -injured sniff- You could send Bottles of Love to people along with messages. The end.

And SM, some random dude from n.a, won the All's Fair in Love and War activity. I COULD'VE GUESSED. THAT KID'S BEEN PLAYING NEOPETS FOR 39485739485739485793857923509324875 YEARS. CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU.

-cough-

Let's talk about more important things. =D Why waste time talking about /SM/ of all people?! xD

NOWWWWW...

Dun dun dun! -insert dramatic music here-

It was Lori's (luverbunnyz) birthday. =O

On February... -runs to ask Person and shifty eyes :D- SEVENTH.

She got a whole lotta presents. =D An Island Rock (why not a RAZOR rock?! JEEZ), Bottles of Love, Sloth stuff, like the evil Communistic dictator *hackcoughspit* I MEAN THE LUFFERLY GUILD COUNCIL PERSON THINGYMAJIGGY she is... the usual, y'know? :P

Also, random nice people (=O) set up a birthday wish thingy for Lori. -nodnod- A petpage with a trillionage birthday wishes on it. And since I couldn't contribute, since I'm not an official guild member (Dx), I would just like to say here: HAPPY BIRTHDAY LORI!!!!!!

*cough* Now that THAT'S out of the way... *shifty eyes*

...

:D

Since people love me so much -ignores random booing from crowd- I decided to set up a little Question and Answer thing. I will accept FIVE QUESTIONS ONLY. Kthx. ;D Cuz I'm so buseh and all that, spying on n.a JUST FOR YOU WHICH MEANS YOU SHOULD FEEL SPECIAL KTHX I'LL STOP BABBLING NOW.

People will get to know me better with this. Ahh yeahhh, YAY. =D

Okay. -cough-

Question numero uno, submitted by uh-nohn-ih-miss:

omg lyk how did u get ur name itz such a kewl nayme i want itttttt plz let me hav it kthx plz plz plz plz plz???/////111onehundredeleven//slashslash11one/elevenslashone11"

Mon reponse:

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I HAVE A FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN111111111111111111111 OMG YAY111111111111111

... IGNORE THAT COMPLETELY. YOU NEVER SAW THAT. =D

Um. Basically? Yo momma named me that.

NEXT QUESTION!

Question numero deux, bby! -submitted by Studd Eez Alott-

I believe you are very bad at your gossip column. It is completely opinionated and does nothing to help the minds of young children today. You are corrupting them with bad thoughts, distracting them from their studies with your useless babble. Please refrain from your unnecessary comments until further notice. Thank you."

Mon reponse: o______________________O

EXCUSEZ-MOI?!?!?!?!

YOU LUZZERFAYCE.

LIES. ALL LIES.

NEXT QUESTION PLZ, KTHX. D=

Question threeeeeeeepipipipipipiANYWAY: submitted by da n00b

u suck cuz u rite gossip 4 na which is lyk literit which sux"

Response: STOP N00BIYFING MY COLUMN, YOU N00BS! -sobsob-

NEXT. QUESTION.

This is not going like I thought it would. Dx

Question four: submitted by Benjamin Franklin, his home dawg

Miss Razor, I am tremendously curious to know just who you are posing as in neo.anxious. Please tell me. I promise not to tell a SOUL. -hides voice recorders, cameras, microphones, and other electronic equipment- Thank you."

And I say... ermm... SORRY, CAN'T TELL YA. D: But at least that was a real question. =D

LAST QUESTION: submitted by Losteh. O;

Who?
What?
Where?
How?
When?
Why?

Mon lasteh (ONE LETTER DIFFERENT FROM LOSTEH =D) reponse:

Who? Moi.
What? This article.
Where? Here.
How? Typing.
When? Now.
Why?: CUZ YA KNOW YA LUFF MEH. -totally NOT plagiarized from Gossip Girl-

Okayyy. So.

YOU WANT THE INSIDE SCOOP?

IT ISSSSSS...

N.APWNSANDISTHINKINGOFNEWACTIVITIESANDSTUFFANDOTHERSTUFF.

The end.

See you next time!

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/28/08


























Lori Conundrum (Lori)


The answer to last month's puzzle:

(click and drag)
width='100'

And, this month's!

(click and drag)
width='100'

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/23/08


























Quizzical (Reema)


What gnome are you?

Don't you just love taking a walk through the garden while a little breeze is blowing? Then while you're walking you see a gnome blocking your path. You crouch down and say, "Well, hello little gnome. I wonder if I'm anything like you." You want to find out now, so you rush home. Then you go to the neo.anxious newspaper and find the March column. There you find Reema's Quizzical and click it immediately. This is what it says:

Hello people of the universe! I'm Reema and this is my first Quizzical article. You will answer six questions and then see the results. Why six? I have no idea whatsoever. Here are your questions. Answer them with your real opinion:

1. You just found out you won the lottery! What do you do?

A: I won the lottery? Life is good…
B: Wow, wow, wow!! I wonder what I will get!
C: Who cares? I'm not walking to get the prize.
D: Cool! Cool! I won the lottery! I'm going to dig holes! Wheeeee!!!!!

2. Someone you don't know picks you up and puts you in their garden. How do you react?

A: Oh well... I'll just hope that I can survive.
B: Ooh, ooh! I wonder what will happen!
C: Oh well. I just hope I can rest.
D: Yeah!! More places to dig holes in!

3. You are on a diet, but someone sends you the tastiest treat you have ever seen. What do you do?

A: I'll cheat. I will lose the extra pounds some day.
B: I don't know. Maybe I'll eat it, or maybe I won't.
C: If it will take my mind of important things then sure. What the heck!
D: I wonder if I can dig holes in it! *pick up a shovel*

4. You win a free trip anywhere in Neopia. Where do you go?

A: I'll go to Meridell. It sounds like fun.
B: Hmmm... maybe I'll go to Faerieland or maybe Shenkuu…
C: Mystery Island. I heard it's a wonderful way to relax.
D: The Lost Desert! So many places to dig holes.

5. You're playing neopets and the ghosts steal a hundred neopoints from you. How do you feel?

A: Calm, it was just a hundred.
B: Curious, I wonder who will get my neopoints.
C: Sleepy, reading takes a lot of work.
D: Excited, I'm going to dig holes!

6. You find out this is the last question. How do you react?

A: *cries*
B: *cries*
C: *cries*
D: *cries* *digs hole*

Liked my quiz? You don't even have to answer that. I know you did! Now, of course, you want the results. Well, here they are:

Mostly As: You are as calm as a gnome can be. You live freely not worrying about anything. If something bad happens you don't get mad, you stay calm. That's a really good personality, but sometimes it can get you in trouble. You are a Flower Picking Xweetok Gnome.

Mostly Bs: You are a very curious gnome! Whenever you have something new or don't understand something you ask a question. Sometimes you get on people's nerves, and some people don't get over it. You should learn more. You are a Curious Moehog Gnome.

Mostly Cs: Yep, as you probably already know, you're a couch potato. All you do is eat, sleep, and complain. If you would get out and exercise a little, and learn some manners, you would be the perfect gnome! The unlucky thing is that some things are hard to drop. You are a Sleeping Chia Gnome.

Mostly Ds: This might hurt you a little, but you are a very strange gnome. You are excited about everything. What makes you even weirder is that all you ever do is dig hole after hole. It kind of gets annoying, like when someone is trying to talk, and the other person can't list- *sounds of scraping dirt* You are a Digging Gnorbu Gnome!

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/28/08


























Rant & Rave (Zach)


The Wheel of Excitement. I am sure all of you reading this have played this game of luck before. You have taken one hundred and fifty of your precious neopoints and deposited them into the kind faerie's hands and then taken a nice strong pull as you send the wheel spinning. You are most likely hoping that it will land on the ten thousand neopoint spot. This lands you not only ten thousand neopoints but a really nifty avatar that you can show off to your friends. You sit staring at the screen. Your nails are reduced to nothing. Sweat covers you as it slowly moves past your goal and onto the Mystery prize slot. You cripple with agony. If it is your first time spinning the wheel then you might be intrigued by what this "mystery" will be. Well, when you find out that you only win around 10-100 neopoints you really are ticked. You storm off to find someone to complain to. As you approach the help board and create your topic, you stop. It would be silly of me to make a complaining topic now! I mean I only have played once. So the next day you spin again, and again you win a lousy 38 neopoints. You are shocked. You storm onto the boards to complain and then find that there are others too! All over neopia there are hundreds of poor souls whose dreams are crushed every day after school or work when they get online and spin the wheel only to win the mystery prize. You are puzzled now. I mean we all know that the only rigged games in Neopia are found in the Haunted Woods. So why in the city of happiness where most good faeries live would there be a game that basically has a 150% profit for whoever runs it?Critics for neopian games also agree on this strange game of luck that almost always results in this "failure". It seems that almost 75% of the times you play this strange wheel of excitement you will land on the mystery prize space. This proves that you have a better chance of scoring better neopoint reward playing Test your Strength!

While conducting my research for this game I went to Fyora herself to talk 'bout this "game". From what I had heard she is planning a huge party sometime soon. Now to throw a big party you need some big cash. So I decided to try and weasel out of her whatever I could about the wheel. Unfortunately due to Fyora's dumb lawyer bot instead of getting answers I got sent to jail for a very long night. If that doesn't scream suspicious I don't know what does. Next I decided to try and talk to Illusen. She seems to be very close to Fyora and I knew she would let me in on some of the hidden things. During our interview Illusen kept a very stoic face. She didn't fall for any of my psychology mind tricks. She didn't blink at all. I was starting to get discouraged when towards the end of my meeting with her she broke down. She started sobbing and slowly turned to me and confessed what she knew. It would appear that long ago in Faerieland there was a horrible conspiracy. See Fyora made some mistakes. She started off her ruling by spending millions on clothing and items to display in her personal gallery. One day however she finally realized her extravagant spending had left Faerieland in shambles. In deep guilt she opened the hidden Tower store. Of course she kinda messed that up because if a store is hidden how are people supposed to find it? The pressure of the citizens was building up till one day the Happiness Faerie dropped by and gave Fyora these marvelous plans to design a game; one that had amazing rewards if you spun just right. Fyora was thrilled and immediately had it built. But again Fyora misjudged things and people began winning more than they were losing and more and more money started leaving Faerieland. Fyora in desperate need of money not only to save her kingdom but also because the next day there were sales at all the stores in Neopia finally decided to resort to dirt play. She rigged the wheel and from then on has made a steady profit from the wheel. I left Illusen's place with one goal. I had to tell everyone the truth. I stormed to the boards to reveal my findings but stopped. I wondered. Wouldn't TNT have figured out Fyora's malice ways and warned us by now? I stopped dead in my tracks. Then it all hit me. TNT was in on it. I had always wondered how Adam had 11 million neopoints. Now I knew. Fyora in an attempt to keep everything hush hush had most likely made a deal with Adam. Adam struck by her beauty and his true greedy self had accepted the deal in a second. I was stuck. I couldn't post anything. I would be shipped off to frozen-ville within seconds. For months I gave up on this article. I decided it wasn't worth my pets and my neo life. One day however I decided to visit the Hidden Tower just for laughs and to see what Fyora had in stock. I was appalled! How could someone who rigs games and makes deals with Adam that jeopardizes the economy of Neopia be selling bags of dung for millions?!?!?! I stormed into the Neopian Gazette (publishing station for the Neopian Times) and demanded that this article be printed. I would love to say that they accepted it gladly, sent Adam to jail for his evil crimes, and tore down the Wheel of Excitement. They didn't. The marched me off to a secret Neopian version of area fifty one and locked me away as a threat to Neopia. So how did I get out you may say? I didn't. This article is being printed by one of my inside friends secretly. So don't go off announcing it to the world!

So my fellow neopians I ask you to make the choice: Fueling a greedy pair's greed, or helping to restore justice in Neopia. Well, gotta run, prison food is too good to pass up!

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/28/08


























Rant & Rave (Delilah)


Has anyone ever really thought about the Snowager? Really now; the beast sits on a pile of toys all day and doesn't share. Does he play with the toys? No! What the heck is he going to do with them? See, he's a greedy, selfish little son of a beasting. And users just like us have to sneak down into his cave while he is asleep and pick a toy up from the pile before he eats us. He has hundreds, no, thousands of toys! Can't we pop down there while he's awake, and maybe he'll throw a plushie our way and say, "you know what? I have five of these. Go ahead, take one." And we could say, "Thank you, Mister Snowager!" and then we'd leave and that would be that.

If he wasn't so cold (no pun intended), then he'd give the toys to charity. I'd give them to the Pound, so that the Neopets have something to play with while they sit there unloved. But no, he sits in his cave and talks about how great he his. No one whoever kept toys away from little kids went down in the history books as 'great'. They went down as the bad guys that are made fun of on shows like Saturday Night Live years later.

You know what? We should all march down there, with torches so we can melt his snowy, frozen little (butt), and demand that he gives us all toys. Now, so we aren't as selfish as him, we'll take one. Just one. To show him that one is enough, and that you don't need to be crowned king of the whole freaking toy pile.

And another note: has the Snowager ever eaten anyone? Really? Should I be that afraid of him? Because I go down there all the time when he is awake, and I've never been eaten. You know what, Snowie Baby? Just give me the damn avatar already! Jeez! You have the toys! What more do you want?!

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/03/08


























Shopping Bazaar (SM)


For this month's shopping bazaar I've decided to go over two popular petpet shops: Regular petpet and Tropical petpet. Regular Petpet isn't a bad shop for beginners, but I find it's better for more experienced restockers. This one isn't the best shop for restocking petpets, but it's not the worst either. I find it is a bit hard to learn what to rs when here, but once you do you'll be making a good amount of money. Carry at least 100k, but 400k if you have it to be safe. The Snotbunny and Moltenore are probably the most expensive petpets that restock here, both being very expensive and in the millions, the other petpets you'll want to get are the Noil, Beekadoodle, Bloopy, Doglefox, Bogie, Kadoatie, Hasee, Babith, Cadro, Babyca, Flowper, and Kookith.

Tropical Petpet is an okay shop for beginners, but I find it's better for intermediate of advanced restockers. You should carry roughly 60k with you here when restocking. It's not very crowded, which is good, and Ghoti's often stock. Some other petpets to restock are the Pfish, Leeble,Tanizard, Pepito, Baby Blu, Frillabon, Crabula, Primella, Slugawoo, Ghostkerfish, Catamara, Ghoti, Frowny.

Good luck restocking. :)

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/29/08


























Soapbox (Reema)


My name's Ann. Ann the rainbow lenny. Why would a rainbow lenny be wandering through Haunted Woods? One word: adventure. I mean, when I went there I didn't actually mean to meet her, but I just did. This is probably confusing, so let me start at the beginning.

A green ixi with a black hat was mumbling to herself.

Maybe this… no. It's this. No, it can't be…

That frustrated ixi was Edna the Witch. You've probably heard of her. The witch that makes you get her items for an "enormous" spell she's doing. Remember? Well, Edna just couldn't do the spell right, and she was getting madder and madder by the second. Finally, she left in a very grumpy mood. She went out to find some one to help her complete the spell.

Now, what do you know? At the same exact time I was strolling through Haunted Woods trying to find out what to do. Then I started hearing strange noises. So I broke out in a dead run. As I ran, the noises got even louder. I was running so fast I accidentally bumped into somebody. I sat up and forced out an apology. Then I got up and reached out to grab her hand. She pulled away, and she got up.

I am so sorry. I didn't mean to knock you over.

The girl looked at me, mumbled, and then said, "Come with me.

I was too surprised to say anything, so I just followed. I figured I would escape later. The girl led me down a dark path to a tower which, if I'm not mistaken, looked like it had two eyes and a mouth. I followed her in and gasped once I saw the things ajar the shelves.

Yes, I know I have many things, bur I need three items that are very special. I can not venture out on my own, so I need you to do it." said the girl.

I don't even know your name." I replied.

I am Edna the witch.

What makes you think I will go out and find you these items?" I had finally regained my courage. "Darling, I can see what you want from your face. I know you seek adventure. These items will give you that wish.

My ears perked up. "Where do you want me to go?

Oh darling, magical places. You will go to Terror Mountain, Faerieland, and Meridell. Now, let me see what awaits you. Follow me.

Fine, I will go, but my name isn't darling, it's Ann.

Okay, Ann. Come with me." Edna sneered.

As I followed I knew that this was the adventure I was looking for, and this witch, whoever she may be, was going to give it to me.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Proofread by: Alyssa 02/28/08


























February '08 Articles




























*Guide (Brooklynn)


Oh my gosh! You will never guess who I saw on the Neoboards!

Miley Cyrus. Miley flippin' Cyrus.

This, of course, is no surprise, as there are hundreds of these pathetic posers spamming on Neopets daily. This guide is designed to help you approach and deal with them. There are several different ways to deal with Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana and other posers online_ Let's start with the basics, shall we?The first thing you want to do when someone posts: "OMG!!11! I'M HANNAH MONTANA!!1!!" is to strangle this person who honestly needs to get a life. Unfortunately you can not strangle anyone from your computer. So do the next best thing. Use your words.

Verbalization is sometimes the only way to get through these peoples heads. There are the obvious names to throw out there: "n00b, wannabe, etc." Sometimes this is the best thing, as the word "n00b" does hurt some people. Really — who wants to be a n00b? But if this pathetic individual is a regular spammer, he or she has obviously been called that before. This is where you can get creative.

Instead of saying "n00b," you can post something similar to, "Hey, Look! It's Miley #1059!", which is also now becoming a bit cliché. But you get the point — use new terms that can get your point across. Something else you can post is, "Oh, yeah, and I'm Britney Spears." And, if you post this, this is where the other choice comes in.

Roleplay. Who doesn't love roleplaying? If you don't, then skip over this section — the most I can do for you. Anyway, when a person says, "Hi! I'm Miley Cyrus! It's so much fun being famous!" play into it and have 'fun'. But be sure to use sarcasm or crack a joke! This is a must! And I will repeat that with the sentence bold and italicized and with the Caps Lock on, that's how important it is! BE SURE TO USE SARCASM OR CRACK A JOKE! THIS IS A MUST!

If you do not use sarcasm or crack a joke, it can seem to other users that you believe the idiot pretending to be a celebrity; and sometimes those types of people are more pathetic and n00bish than the actual poser! Here is an actual conversation that I screenied. The usernames have been censored for the users' own pride and safety.



It is clear that the person is a n00b already. So these users decided they may as well have some fun with it.

If you do run into a poser of a celebrity you personally dislike, say it! When Miley Cyrus neomailed me, claiming that she really was Miley Cyrus and that I was mean to call her an imbecile, I simply replied: "Okay then, Miley. I hate your music, you have no talent, you talk like you have peanut butter on the roof of your mouth, you overact, your songs are stupid, and the only reason your life is worth while is because of your father, who only had one decent song and then was washed up. So, Miley, why don't you go get yourself a life and stop worrying about what I think, because I can assure you there are a heck of a lot of people that feel the same way." Believe me, I wish I still had the screenie. This is a more negative approach, but I find it just as fun. Of course, I am not always a nice person, so this may be harder for those of you who can't stop smiling.

Another thing you can do is to report the person. Now, whether or not this is against the NeoRules is still pretty much undecided. It's mostly a nuisance, but you can try to report the person for spamming. I highly recommend this. It may scare and stop potential posers, though one can only hope.

Posers, unfortunately, flood the Neoboards and lower the IQs of many a Neopian. Hopefully this little guide showed you different ways to tell the n00b to just shut the heck up.

-- goodxintentions

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/18/08


























Around Neopia (Sparkly)


Hey there! It's Alyssa. Sparkly contacted me through her awesome WiFi services even when inside the belly of a giant mutant slugawoo. She wanted me to tell you all that she will temporarily be unavailable due to certain… situations she has gotten herself into.

*coughgettingeatenbyagiantmutantslugawoocough* She'll be back next month thanks to my amazingly superb rescuing skills.

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/31/08


























Around Neopia (Delilah)


WHAT? Oh, don't even tell me you haven't been to Roo Island yet! What — you've seriously never been? Never? Not even to play Dice-A-Roo? … You don't even play Dice-A-Roo? What the heck's the matter with you? Okay, okay. Let me tell you all about it. I can't believe you've never been… sheesh… lately Neopians have their heads up their…

Roo Island. Breathe in that shoreline air! We're off the coast of Central Neopia at the moment… just follow the rainbow. Mostly Blumaroos hang around here, and if you're not a Blumaroo then you don't get to join their club. It's very exclusive. Believe me, I've tried.

The Roo Island Merchandise Shop, aka 'Souvenirs', is a great place to buy some overpriced junk that will just collect dust on your table. The Blumaroo who runs the joint isn't the nicest guy in the world, so be careful. He wouldn't let me join the club and he kicked me out of his shop. I threw a shoe at him. I missed. :( Real Estate is failing in the real world, but in Neopia that doesn't happen. It doesn't matter where you're located, your property value doesn't even exist! So why not head on over to Roo Island Properties? You can build your very first NeoHome here, and with it, build memories that will last forever! Now, the real estate agents aren't the best here, so be wise. 9,000 Neopoints can land you a spot right on the Roo Island shore. If you're not a beach person, then head over to the Spooky Woods or something like that to build yourself a nice little emo corner to huddle in. I write for a living. I don't draw. Thankfully, the Roo Island Colouring Pages are there to help! If you can't draw, grab yourself a 64 pack of Crayola and print these babies out! TNT exclaims, "Once you have finished you can even put them on the fridge or your wall for all your friends to admire." Woah, let's not get carried away. If you are not a professional colourer, I do not suggest hanging them on the fridge. Unless it's to cover your failing report card, in which case, good use of a colouring page! For a romantic, and sometimes nauseating, go try the Roo Island Merry-Go-Round. For 50 Neopoints you can jump on a fake, painted Uni — though the real Unis aren't too real to being with — and spin a few times on a moving platform. The yellow Blumaroo managing it, of course, just isn't happy with you going once. He personally told me to go on again at nighttime, and look at the stars. To which I replied, "Like I'm gonna go stargazing while I'm on a spinning wooden Uni." Unlike the Tiki Tours at Mystery Island, you don't get an avatar, a bobble head, or anything from this. All you get is 50 Neopoints poorer.

In the middle of Roo Island, in the shape of a freakishly large head, is Dice-A-Roo. By rolling five dice, you can have Neopoints added or removed from the pot. If you have a gambling problem, this is not the way to go. I mean, really. Step away from the Dice-A-Roo table. Go play Cheat! or something.

Another fun dice game is available at Roo Island. Deadly Dice. Sounds cheery, doesn't it? If you arrive at the right time, he'll be ready to play. He's up around midnight - 1 AM NST. He's a vampire. Whaddaya expect? Your Neopet may lose some levels with this game, so be warned. What kind of owner are you, risking your Neopet for an avatar? What? Did I hear the word 'avatar'? You certaintly did. But if risking your Neopets levels is what you go for, then sure, do your thing. If you arrive at the wrong time, he'll be snoozing in his coffin. Hey, I'll give you 5 bucks if you go over there and bang on his coffin. You'll do it? Ha, sucker! Go on, bang on it really hard. Harder than that, you idiot! So he can hear you! No, wake him up! Of course it's worth 5 bucks! Yeah, that's it! Harder.

… heh, he's up…

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Well, that concludes this segment of Around Neopia! Run faster, you idiot! Do you want him to get you? Hey… any chance you have some garlic?

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/25/08


























Council Editorial (Lori)


Q: How did Alyssa become our leader? --1schmidt
A: Isn't it quite obvious that she erased me from power? :P Nah, we held elections just as any other election, and the guild voted her to be leader.

Q: Why do we have a guild pet? --1schmidt
A: So we have somewhere spiffy to put our application page! ;) Actually, I made him so that it could evoke a feeling of togetherness, with the whole guild caring for our itty bitty jubjub. :D

Q: Is there going to be a big addition to the guild soon? --x_lostfang_x
A: Are we having a baby that nobody has told me about!? D: But the only new addition I could possibly think of is the Alloy Alliance, which we haven't really started.

Q: Why is everyone (read: most people) addicted to Rainbow Dung, (including me..) I mean it's awesome, but... why? --mirteanna
A: Because rainbow dung pwns all! It was actually in our application from the beginning, so we cherish rainbow dung and hold it very dear to our hearts. -nodnod-

Q: WhydoesLoriwanttoleaveuseventhoughweloveherandwilldoprettymuchanythingforher? --cheap_shop777
A: I would never /want/ to leave! I just figure, if the guild wants me to, then that's probably best. But according to the poll, most people like me, which is pleasantly surprising. :)

Q: When are we going to lend hidden tower NP, and will we ever lend anything else? --made up
A: When you stop asking me about it! GRR. Actually, it'll probably get started sometime next month, midterms are takin over my life, as is Alyssa's nagging about these newspaper articles. o.0 As for the latter part of the question, we'll see how successful this lending is.

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/21/08


























Crossword (Alyssa)


Here are the answers to last month's crossword:

(click and drag)
width='100'

And this month's crossword:

(click and drag)
width='100'

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/31/08


























Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


Dear neo.anxious,

After receiving an anonymous letter from a guild member, I was persuaded into taking a vacation. I should be back next month, unless, of course, it was all a trap and as soon as I get off this shoyru, I'll be bombarded by a swarm of Buzzes (sp?). *cough* ANYHOW, see you all later, the shoyru's about to land.

Mr. Muggles

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/31/08


























Fontastical (Sam)


Hello my good friends. My name is Sam. I am kind of new to the whole newspaper thing but I will try my best. If you don't see a font that looks good then just neomail me if you want me to make you a costom font. ( Links are on my lookup. )Does HTML make your head spin? Are you confuzzled on what Hex codes are? You are in the right place. Follow these 3 steps to make your font look great.

1. Find a font that looks good to you.
2. Copy and paste the two codes into your neoboard preferences.
3. Enjoy you new font.

The Fonts


Top: [center][fonts=1c=000000]neoHTML[/font][br][fontf=georgiac=#3D5CB5s=3][b]Your Name[/b][/font][br][

Bottom: ][fontc=#EA0A15]●[/font][fontc=#A0AB55]●[/font][fontc=#3D5CB5]●[/font][fontc=#FDC92D]●[/font][/center]


Top: [center][fonts=1c=#000000]neoHTML[/font][br][fontf=georgiac=#999999s=5][u][b]Your Name[/b][/u][/font][br][

Bottom: ][fontc=#999999s=1]•jazziεsτ•placε•τσ•livε•[/font][br][fontf=Webdingss=4c=#77A5F6]CCBHBCC[/font][/center]



Top: [center][fontf=webdingss=4c=89B4CD]ß[/font][br][fontf=verandas=1]neoHTML[/font][br][

Bottom: ][fontc=D8D889f=verdana][b][u]Your Name[/u][/b][/font][br] [fonts=1c=97C310f=verdana]|Swift.as.a.Harris|[/font][/center]


























Gamer's Corner (Victoria)


Hey! I'm new here so I should probably introduce myself. My name's Victoria. I've been in Neo.Anxious for three and a half months now. I think it is an amazing guild. My main income on neopets is games though I have been lucky. I painted my Ixi after completing a fountain faerie quest. I also found a mootix. I am the new Gamer's Corner writer.

One the games I find most difficult is Freaky Factory. I just can't get the snazzy avatar. You get the avatar by earning 1250+ points. The object of this game seems simple. All you need to do is make the number of toys it tells you before time is up. It's not that easy. The grundo thief is stealing toys, you have to keep waste down, you're timed, and there are good and bad blobs. Here is a picture of the screen you see when you play.



Here is what everything is:
• score – top right number
• toys left – bottom left number
• bonus- above toys left
• waste – meter below score
• time – orange clock
• vats – 3 colored bins
• current toy – picture of toy
• blobs – top circular things

To make a toy you need to have enough of each color it needs. For example, to make an orange toy you will need red and yellow. When you have enough in each vat the toy(s) will be created, the amount in the vat will diminish, and you will have a new current toy. The faster you create toys the more bonus points you will get. If you miss the vat the waste will increase and if it gets full you loose.

There are lots of kinds of blobs:
• Normal blob - Is red, blue, or yellow. Gets put in corresponding vat to fill it.
• Soap bubbles – Looks like pink soap. Decreases waste when clicked on.
• Angle blob – Is white and has a halo. Fills vat to full when put into vat.
• Ice cube – Blue ice. Will slow down conveyor belt (bad).
• Glowing blob – Glowing green. Upgrades toys to next multiplier.
• Speed blob – Purple with wings. Speeds up conveyor belt.
• Evil blob – Same as normal blobs except has teeth. Creates waste.


To avoid the grundo thief, click on him. If you forget he will take your toys. My high score is 893. Can you beat me and get the avatar?

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/20/08


























Guide (SM)


The top 5 ways to anger Alyssa:

1. Don't do your articles

Yeah… Alyssa is going to yell at you if you don't do this. xD Even with this article I waited until the last second; although she is quite pleased when I do get it done. So if you're on the newspaper committee and feel like angering Alyssa, go for it.

2. Chatspeak/Bad Grammar

lol, ne1 who wants 2 anger Alyssa just needs 2 talk like this. That started out okay, but I couldn't keep up the chatspeak and couldn't figure out how to have bad grammar. xD Anyway, if you want to annoy Alyssa and get a speedy deletion from the guild, this is a good path to choose.

3. Diss pink erasers

As any neo.anxiousian should know, Alyssa loves pink erasers. Some may even go to the extent of saying that she is obsessed with pink erasers (Editor's note: Psh, puh-LEASE! She's /beyond/ obsessed!). In other words, never say a bad thing about a pink eraser… unless of course if you want to invoke the wrath of Lyss. :p

4. Stupid Questions

Yeah… can't think of any stupid questions for an example. However, if you're asking Alyssa a question and it isn't well thought out and smartly written… hmm, that probably isn't true. I guess if you are asking Alyssa a blatantly obvious or annoying question, it could anger her.

5. SM hosting Avatar Simon

As the Sam I turned emo will tell you, people sometimes dislike the avatar games I host (I made her go 0/12 :D) [Another editor's note: LIES. ALL LIES.] Alyssa is not fond of them either. The last avatar I used in my most recent game was my classic emo usuki taunt. xD Anyway if you don't want to anger Lyss, don't let me host avvie simon.

And that's about it, the top five ways to anger Alyssa. If I were you, I wouldn't do them. ;)

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/28/08


























Guide (Lydia)


A Guide to Contests

Part Four

The Beauty Contest is a hugely popular contest, with its own board and literally thousands of entries a week. It is also the easiest way of getting your work on the site, as every single acceptable entry is put up, and it's also a fantastic way of getting feedback from other players. So, what am I here to tell you? The usual, of course! Rules, 'did you knows' and some hints and tips are coming your way!

Did You Know..?

* The first ever Beauty Contest was all the way back on November 27th in 2000!

* That means that there have been 364 contests in history!

* And that means that - as there are three winners per species, and three overall winners a contest, there have been 60,060 winners in Neopian history!

The Rules

* Each picture must be in the GIF or JPG format.

* You mustn't simply upload an image from neopets or any other site, as your account can be frozen, and it's cheating!

* You cannot put the 'copyright' or 'trade marked' symbols on your art work.

* All the usual neopets rules apply. Yes, I know you're sick of hearing me say this!

Beauty Contest FAQs

Q. So, tell me about what the Beauty Contest involves?

A. Well, the Beauty Contest, or the BC, is all about imagination and artistic skills. Contestants create an image of one of their own pets - and I say create, because it isn't just drawing. Paint, oil pastels, collages, computer created art or drawings are all acceptable. So, you upload your picture, enter it, and as long as it is viable, it gets put up on the site (when the next contests begins!). Other players then vote for their favourites, and at the end of the week, the entrants with the most votes win!

Q. Earlier on, you mentioned species winners, and overall winners. What do you mean?

A. Entries are split into categories - or pet species. The picture with the most votes of all their species' competitors gets the species winner. There are also second and third places. The winners of all the species go forwards, and the one with the most overall votes wins… well… the overall winner!

Q. I entered my picture, but it got rejected? Why is this?

A. It could be one of several things. Firstly, make sure that you can check of the following:

* My picture is clearly visible - sometimes faint drawings do not scan very well.

* I haven't simply taken an image from the neopets site and entered it without serious changes.

* My picture does look like my pet! (I've taken on board species and colour)

* My picture is under 17kbs size.

Q. My picture's too big! Now what?

A. Don't panic! If you're using paint, I'm afraid that the only way to do it is literally to shrink the canvas. On other programs, you can reduce the colour resolution of the image. Also, any program can undergo file compression, which you will need to download a compressing program for. Try download.com and search 'image compression' and this will give you a choice of compressors (many are free) to resize your image. Remember to ask an adults permission before downloading anything from the Internet.

Q. Oh no! My image is the wrong format!

A. What did I say about panicking?! It's easy. Go to file, save as, and find the menu that says 'save as type'. Select GIF or JPG on this menu an hit save.

Q. Where do I go to check how many votes I have?

A. Sorry! You can't check in the middle of a contest! Afterwards, you can go to pet central, competitions, beauty contest, and then press the link saying 'previous week's votes'.

Q. Can I advertise my entry?

A. Of course! In fact, I would definitely recommend this to any entrant. Put the link in your siggy, put links on your lookup, and go to the BC boards and advertise! However, you mustn't have anyone else advertise for you.

Thanks for reading!

Proofrea by: Alyssa 01/16/08


























Guide (Reema)


How to Make Your Pet Smarter

Is your neopet incredibly dumb? Well you're reading the right guide! Here we are going to explain how to make your dumb neopet into the smartest one around neo.anxious! You're probably thinking, 'How else could you make it smarter than giving it books to read?' I partially agree with that and I partially don't. I mean is that all? Ok, for example, you book at what? 1,000-2,000 nps each? While you're wasting neopoints on your pet their is a much easier way to do it all and still have neopoints left.

First thing's first, where can you buy a book? Three places: a neopians store, the Book Store, or Booktastic Books. First of all I would cross out a neopians store from your list. You are probably going to find the most expensive books there. Now we have the Book Store and Booktastic Books. To get to the Book Store, go to Neopia Central. Then you will find the Book Store in the main shops. To get to Booktastic Books go to a planet outside of Neopia called Kreludor. Once there you will find Booktastic Books.

My opinion is to start out by buying books from Booktastic Books. You will find the cheapest books there. I think you should start out with buying 5 books for around 700 nps each. Then after that go to the Books Store. Most likely the Books Store will have no books in it.

Now that you are finished buying books it's time to read some to your pet. It will only read books it has not read yet, so be careful! After making your pets read all of them they will be overjoyed and pretty smart. But you have only read them a few books. Not to worry!

Now it's time to make more neopoints. I trust that you could go to SM's article on making neopoints! After you do though you can move on to buying books from people's shops! Buy only a few. Make sure you buy the ones that your pet have not read yet. Make sure that the price seems reasonable with you. After you have checked all those things it's time to buy thee books. After you buy them read it to your pet. Now it's getting smarter and smarter!

Keep following this guide and maybe you might be able to win the Book Award! Well at least your pet would be smarter! Good Luck with your pet and get your hands on those books!

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/07/08


























Guildly Dirt (Person)


Undercover Agent Miss Razor (a.k.a. Pinky -.-') reporting.

Hey everyone! My name is Pers—PINKY! Yes, PINKY! PINKY RAZOR! Anyways, the name's Pinky. It's just my spy name, mind you, not my real name or anything, I mean, who'd want a name like PINKY?? Pink is a terrible color — (coughcoughcough) I mean, erm, anyway, just don't call me Pinky, alright? 'Cause I DON'T LIKE THAT NAME. Call me Miss Razor. I feel cooler, like I'm an awesome Ralph Lauren-wearing model with super-sharp vampire-like gleaming white teeth that are, like, shineh, and sharp, geddit? Sharp, like a razor? xD And did I mention my model teeth are shiny? And then I look like a model and it's really awesome plus this column is awesome too even though it's not really 'cause I have low self-esteem, according to my so-called therapist, and I need psychological help or something and I hope I spelled sighcollageickle right and I spy on neo.anxious — I mean, er, you never heard that, and I'm not really Miss Razor, or Razor sounds cool too… YOU NEVER HEARD THAT EITHER — and n.a is s'posed to be a literate guild and now this is just a loooong run-on sentence and I — er, Person, will be very disappointed in me and I'm embarrassed now blahblahblah ANYWAY!

Basically, I'm Miss Razor, and I'm an undercover agent working for Person — erm, uh, I mean a person, of course, not Person, where'd ya get THAT idea? — and I'm here to dish all about the very dirty dirt in the dirt field that is the dirty guild of dirty neo.dirty.anxious.

Ooh, dirteh. xD

Translation: I. Spy. On. Neo. Anxious. And. Tell. Everyone. The. Info. Here. In. This. Article.

:D

Soooooo… neo.anxious just recently had… -insert la gaspeh here- leader elections. Do you want to hear about them? Probably the answer's, "No, 'cause that's old news, ya foo'!" Well, too bad for you, 'cause you're still gonna hear 'em. xP

There were five candidates for leader — Mo (milkxxcookies), Brooklynn (goodxintentions), Alyssa (believed__), Zach (spirit_of_myths), and Molly (cookiecrumbs226). There used to be seven, but n.a's luffly council Lori (and her famous face -.-' xD) and Christine had to undergo the paiiiiiiiinful process of eliminating two members. D: I feel so bad for them; I mean, imagine the TORTURE!! Almost as bad as having to drink milk!

And then, the leader elections began. –insert drumroll here- A poll was put up, and people in neo.anxious went and voted. I'm sure said five candidates were very ANXIOUS to find out who would win and become leader. :P

And in the end, Alyssa, also known as Lyssadawg or Alyssabotage, or Lyss, won, as you all know, because she's on the guild council now. The first spot. =o Which equals leader. She won with 46 votes or something like that, kaboom, and a grand old ceremony was done in true Lori fashion, with tons of speeches and mushrooms grown and screenies taken and cursing because some people's screenie buttons wouldn't work and a huge party on the guild boards afterward where everybody got FRUNK and made fools of themselves doing chicken and asparagus dances.

(FRUNK, bee tee duhbuhyou, is the new, KEWL way of getting drunk. xD If you haven't heard of it, you're really behind the times. I suggest getting a ton of clocks. I heard that solution works wonders. Then again, I DID hear it from my 'so-called' therapist, so that doesn't really count for much.)

So, yay, Lyssadawg — I mean, er, Alyssa, became leader, and you all currently reside in this luffly little guild, growing bigger all the time, while you keep on losing posts. D: Postage stamps are expensive these days as well. T_____T –cries- That Christmas Uni Stamp cost two kay or something!!

So, that's the story of the new leader. :P Now, Lori, I believed__ (haha, geddit? ;D), thought up the idea for En Ay's current Valentine's Day activity.

You see, in this Valentine's Day activity, people can sign up to battle each other in the Battledome. Now, if you ask my opinion, this is DUMB. I mean, Valentine's Day is all about love and see how much chocolate you got and you'll get fat from said chocolate and I'll shut up now. Lurve, peoples, lurve! Like, kthx fo' the Hershey's Kisses, love ya! Neopets battling each other is all about fighting, and, erm, bloodshed, and violence, and does very little to promote peace and, I repeat, LURVE! So TNT and neo.anxious are both setting bad examples with their battling! =o So really, you should set up a matchmaker or something. Even though that's not about lurve, matchmaking is what people did in ancient China or something where they set people up so the rest of the families can get rich from the other family's money or something… I'll get back to the point. :D

So basically, people have their Neopets battle each other. Which is unfair, because there are some people who've been around Neopets for, like, four years or more =o and they gots more time to train their itty bitty witty baby Poogle or something. Plus they got the V-Day sidebar before with the Mysterious Valentine's Card (the prize for the winner of all the violent Valentine's Day fights T____T) 'cause they had more TIIIIIIIME to do it. And then there are the newbies who've been on Neopets for, like, what, a week? And they hardly have any time to train their Neopets or make NP or anything. D: So they can't win the card, and they don't get the sidebar, and they have to wait another year, and IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE ALL AROUND!! I'VE SPOTTED THE BEGINNING OF IT!!! I HAVE UNCOVERED A CONSPIRACY!!!!!

… Ahem.

So basically, a summarization of the neo.anxious Valentine's Day activity. Just ignore all my opinions, okay? Kthx. Because I'm nobody. =) Just someone spying on your guild and telling you the REAL info behind-the-scenes, 'tis all. ;)

Okay, well, moving on! Person wanted me to talk about a quick little fad that zipped through the guild like a fast-moving zipper.

Um, with wings!

NEON HOT PINK, SPARKLY ORANGE, GLITTERY AND HUUUUUGE AND FEATHERY WINGS!!

That can make hot chocolate!! :D Which tastes reeeaaallllllllllyyy good in the wintertime. 'Specially when you put mint/marshmallows/cinnamon/vanilla or whatever in it!! :P

Er, and, um, yeah. There was this fad called Lori Day. =o Where everybody was bragging about their Lori merchandise. I remember an action figure, a board game, and a decillion metric tons worth of sucking up.

Y'all know who Lori is, right?

Right.

Anyway, there was a Lori Day where people bragged about their Lori merchandise. I, Miss Razor, personally don't find Lori very interesting ;D so I'll move on to the next, more important topic. xDDDDDDDDD

PINK ERASERS.

Ah, a trend/fad of neo.anxious. Some people are hatas. Some are skatas. Some are playas. Some are luvas. Some are mothas. Some are brothas. Some are sistas. Some are mistas. Some are superduperisticiffas.

And some are Lori.

Cough. Cough.

Alyssa(botage), the current guild leader loves pink erasers. A lot. Don't know why. ;D JOKING. Otherwise she'll find out whom I'm posing as and kick me out of her guild. –shifty eyes-

Pink erasers are pwnsome, apparently.

Oh, and I remembered something else. In n.a, people are becoming either very illiterate (in some people's opinions) or very literate. People either talk like this:

hello everybody i just joined the guild! im cara, btw, and i luv your guild webbie. well im off to do dailies now by everyone!

… or whatever. And they get tattletaled on and get kicked out of the guild.

Well, yeah, that's just semi-literate. But the tattletales often talk like that themselves. PLUS there are A LOT of people who stay in n.a who do nothing but be rude or whatever and never capitalize their I's, or something. -__- So that's just dumb.

Almost as dumb as this kid I once met who thought eight times eight plus eight was fifty-eight. :o

-shifty eyes-

Either that, or the conversations that go on in the guild are extremely literate, like this. Thankfully, a funny poll has been put up, a party may happen, a bit of tension has dissipated. xD I personally think the poll should be like this:

HOW MUCH DOES MISS RAZOR PWN?
-A LOT.
-TOTALLAYYYYYYYYY.
-Very much. More than me, anyway. –cheesy grin-
-More than yo momma.
-Miss Razor is so cool, I can't believe it. =o
-insert angelic face here- What? It's true.


Anyway, I can't dredge up any more juicy guild dirt (how is dirt JUICY, anyway? Wouldn't it be dirty instead? Does that mean we can drink dirt juice? NEO.ANXIOUS HAS DIRT AND JUICE AND NOBODY TOLD ME?!?! D: Traitors!) from the depths of my brain, so I'ma be done now, kthx. :D If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Thanks, and have a nice life! ;)

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/31/08


























Lori Conundrum (Lori)


Answer to last month's spiffeh conundrum:

(click and drag)
width='100'

Aaaaaand this month's conundrum:

width='100'

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/31/08


























Rant & Rave (Sammi)


Random Contest – This week, I entered the Random Contest to win an avatar and thought about the pros and cons that come along with it.

Rave:

The best part of the Random Contest is the avatar you get for winning. It's not a common avatar, and it takes some effort to get, which makes it "unique". The contest I entered this past week involved making petpets out of pipe cleaners. I liked this one because it's simple, easy to do, takes very little time to complete. Another good part is you get a nice trophy for your userlookup, a secret prize that comes along with it, and your picture displayed on the site for everyone to see. What could be better?

Rant:

One down side to the contest is that there is no voting. It's decided by TNT, not by the users. Which can be good or bad. I would like to see voting on the Random Contest to see how other people made their little projects. What I wouldn't want to see are the endless posts of : --*pokes siggy* vote for my entry? ^^ kthks.-- I see those enough for the BC that more "siggy votes" would drive me crazy. And due to my laziness, I made it at the last minute, so getting people to vote for it would be better then just sending it to TNT. :D

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/23/08


























Rant & Rave (Zach)


Hello and welcome to a new Zach's Rant and Raves! *crowd cheers* Today we have a special guest on Rant and Raves. Please lend a hand to Mr. LITERACY!!! Now since I couldn't really rave on this by myself I brought Mr. Literacy to my studio. He has been very sad with Neo.Anxious. Why is he sad? Well his name says it all. *pause* HIS NAME *cough* SAYS IT ALL! *pause* Okay for all the slow people out there in the audience... *coughmyexwifeBrooklynncough* LITERACY is the problem here. See we at Neo.Anxious pride ourselves in being almost "over-literate". Let me make myself clear about this. Literacy is defined as: lit•er•a•cy – n. 1. the quality or state of being literate, esp. the ability to read and write. Now I know we can all read and write... hopefully. Anyhow we at Neo.Anxious take it a small step forward. Literacy in Neo.Anxious means that "gtg" and "brb" mean really nothing. They are actually like dirt. If you are about to turn in a full research paper and there is dirt on it not only would that bug you, unless you are naturally dirty, it would bug your teacher.


























Shopping Bazaar (SM)


This month for the shopping bazaar I'm going to discuss the two main shops that supply NeoHome furniture: The Garden Shop and Furniture.This Garden Shop is not too bad. I don't have much experience with it, but I know that you should carry 40-60k to be safe.

Buy pets' species statues (NOT regular ones for under 5k), Gnomes (Many gnomes are bad. The better ones are 1 in stock, and 5000 nps), Ponds, Gardening Bench, Monumental Bench, Sheds, Most Trees. Also like any other shop, get all flowers or items that are 5000 nps exactly.

Furniture is a useful shop. Some like it, and some REALLY like it. I have a friend who can make 1 million each day at furn. I suggest that everyone should try furn out, to see how they like it. The minimum to carry when restocking here, is 30k, but have 100k on hand, just in case.

There are SO MANY things to restock here, there's no way I can say them all. I'll just go over a few types of items to get: Some Tiger stuff, Velvet Chairs, Fungus stuff, Glowing stuff, most Iron stuff, All Speakers, most Posters, Fancy stuff, Disco and Disco Print stuff, Rainbow stuff, Mootix stuff, Nova, Dark Nova and Ulrtanova stuff, Cots, Fire stuff, Babaa stuff, Chokato stuff, Blue Evil Fuzzle stuff, Blue Fuzzle stuff, Cheese stuff, Snow stuff, Snowflake Sculptures, Snorkle stuff, I Love Sloth stuff, Kass/Jeran/Zombom stuff (important), DIsco Balls, Court Dancer stuff, Twig stuff, Gruslen stuff, Harris stuff, The Hikalakas stuff, Red Jubjub stuff, Sketch stuff, Blackberry stuff, Jazzmosis posters, and Faellie stuff.

And there we are, the shops to go to if you want to supply your neohome and garden with the best money can buy. :D Not too bad if you want to make a profit restocking either.

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/31/08


























Soapbox (Delilah)


I am of a rare breed.
I speak a language many frown upon.
I am an outcast and misunderstood and seen as wrong.
I... am a n00b.

I complain and I whine and I TALK LYKE DIS!!1!
I try to take over with my scamming, spamming fist.
I... am a n00b.

I am reported and made fun of and cursed.
When people see me they fear for the worst.
Because I am a n00b.

I join guilds for their newbie packs.
When I get mad at a user, their account I try to hack.
I'm just a n00b.

I want a paintbrush; give me one or else!
And I TALK IN ALL CAPS when I need help.
I'm a n00b.

I am a n00b. And I say it with pride!
No one else really takes my side.
I am your average n00b.

Proofread by: Alyssa 01/25/08


























Soapbox (Brooklynn)


I had long since claimed the back corner as my spot. I did not mind laying on the hardwood floors; the spot gave me a perfect view of the entire front room of the NeoHome. I was aging and rarely got up from my spot. I watched my owner's other Neopet, Tomir, the green lupe, enter through the front door. I always liked my color better: I find blue a better color for a lupe than green. My owner entered seconds later. Her name was Ana. I'd known her forever, and her and I shared that special bond that is only created by being someone's first Neopet. At least, I considered myself her first. Really I was her second, but that was because she made a dumb jubjub and pounded him for me. She saved me from that crazy Dr. Death a while back… he still gives me nightmares."Morning, Jimmy!" Ana cried. She was wearing jean shorts, showing her tan, long legs. Her long brown hair flowed down to her back as she headed for the kitchen, carrying grocery bags. I stood and trotted in, picking my way through the bag with my muzzle.

Big spender," I joked. "I figured you were still saving for that paint brush you've been eyeing."

Ana smiled. "I was saving. But I did it — today! I finally have enough!

Really? Impressive! You haven't been saving that long — like some annoying newbies I could mention." She nodded. "You and Tomir stay put. I'm gonna run out and get it. I'm so wound up! My first painted pet! Finally!

I watched her run out the door. "She seems excited," Tomir said.

No, really?" I replied with added sarcasm. Tomir had only been created six months ago, while I had been around a whole year. I had little time for people like Captain Obvious. He followed me as I went back to my spot.

She'll probably paint you first," he continued. "You've been around longest." "Well, that's just common sense," I said to him, curling up in a ball.

I suppose… hey, want to play a round of Kacheek-Seek, here in the NeoHome?

Do I look like I want to play a round of Kacheek Seek here in the NeoHome?

He cocked his head and looked at the -disallowed_word-Lydia)
Escape from the Rainbow Parade Part Three

Moby knew that the army of plushies would attempt to copy his feat, and - sure enough - a minute and several clangs later, Destroy all plushies" reverberated through the vent. Moby's soft feet had trouble gripping the floor, and on the right-angled corners, he often skidded and slipped.

It wasn't too long before Moby spotted an exit and he made towards it. He could see a room on the other side, and leapt out into it, before realising that the vent was high up and that it was a long way down. He fell to the mauve carpet with a soft thump, and, slightly dazed, he slowly looked around him.

Many pairs of eyes watched him. Rows of shelves lines walls where some plushies gazed at him, mouths open slightly, some sat or stood on the floor wearing puzzled -disallowed_word-Brooklynn)
It starts every December.

Now, before I begin my rant, if you are one spoken about in this article I have nothing against you and I do not think you are a 'bad' person. Maybe a little inconsiderate and ignorant, but not bad.

December is the host to many holidays. We have the most obvious, Christmas. We have Hanukkah and Kwanza as well. But it seems that people take the time to wish everyone a "Merry Christmas" rather than a "Happy Holiday", which honestly annoys me. And what's more, Neopets is one of these 'people'.

Neopets has a variety of objects and activities that are Christmas themed. The Christmas Paint Brush. The Advent Calendar. The various petpets, such as the Fir. And, this is where the members come in, their siggies. Merry Christmas! they all cry. Ignorance! Yes, I understand they are just trying to spread some Holiday Cheer, but really--what if someone doesn't celebrate Christmas? It makes them feel insignificant compared to this Santa Claus celebration.

Where, may I ask, are the menorahs? The Kwanza-themed decorations? Nowhere, that's where. Neopets is very strict with its rules not to discuss religion. But it seems that the Christian religion is exempt, since Christmas is so very accepted.

Next holiday season, Neopets, I expect some improvements. I want a menorah.

And this ends my little rant. Happy Holidays.

-- goodxintentions

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/23/07


























*So They Say (Brooklynn)


Brooklynn says:
Okay, so, Lori -- how's it all going?
Lori says:
Good.
Lori says:
Am I supposed to give longer answers?
Brooklynn says:
Haha, only if you want to.
Brooklynn says:
Right, well, when did you decide that you didn't want to be leader anymore?
Brooklynn says:
Did it happen over time? What were some of the factors?
Lori says:
At the end of the summer really.
Lori says:
There was a bit, okay a LOT of drama, and I originally thought I would be handing it to Mia, who I had complete trust in so I thought it'd be a simple ordeal, but it never is. I think I first wanted to when Sanny told me about a couple people who didn't like me, and I'm very sensitive with two-faced people, so I got upset, then it was just things along the way that got me upset. I also didn't think I'd have much time so I figured it'd be the best for all of us. I also have another reason, but for protection of the guild, I can't reveal that.
Brooklynn says:
Understood about that last bit. So you didn't really have this whole election-ordeal in mind, huh?
Lori says:
Well, as I said, I figured around the end of the summer that I would do it, which is when the first incident started.
Brooklynn says:
Right. So, do you still plan on being a big part of the guild?
Lori says:
Of course! I'll take second council, help out a lot, and I plan on starting on a little (okay, BIG) side project for the guild.
Brooklynn says:
How do you think members will react to this project of yours?
Lori says:
It's sort of like an activity, and it'll definitely put us in a good light. I'm very excited to work on it and I think they'll like it!
Brooklynn says:
I'm sure they will! Now, before you said you'll be taking the second council place. Will the current holder of that spot just be bumped down?
Lori says:
Yeah, I was going to take 3rd council and leave Christine at second, but she said she'd prefer being 3rd.
Brooklynn says:
Right. So, what advice do you have for the new leader?
Lori sent 12/2/07 6:44 PM:
BE ACTIVE. You want to come across as a friendly, approachable person. Nobody will join if the leader isn't active- post a BUNCH on the board. That's why I'm stepping down, I don't post enough.

BE FRIENDLY & ADVERTISE A BUNCH. This should be your second priority, it's great to have connections with leaders of other guilds, and I think it's very important so nobody can say anything bad about n.a.

BE FAIR & HAVE MORALS. There is usually more than 1 side to a story. Be POLITE, be fair. Never start yelling at someone, and never view anyone as beneath you. The members made you leader, you're grateful to them. You support them, your job is be there for them. Not the other way around.

BE ORGANIZED. Keep the website in tip-top shape, have everything neatly ordered, do maintenance of neoanxious' neofriend list/birthday list/PP standings once every 2 weeks. Have a banner on each page on the webbie, make sure the newspaper releases smoothly, make sure the website links are working, and activities are updated. That last one is a pain.

Brooklynn says:
Wow, that's a lot of work!
Lori says:
You haven't seen the half of it.
Brooklynn says:
Oh, you don't have to tell me! So, are you going to have less power in the guild?
Lori says:
Hopefully not, I plan to have a very big influence in the guild, and I'll have all admin privileges except the ability to give admin, but I plan on getting account access from the new leader anyway. xD
Brooklynn says:
Ha ha. Well, since we got all of that official stuff out of the way, how about some random-ish questions? Those are always fun!
Lori says:
Alright.
Brooklynn says:
Do you have a real-life obsession with cheez-its, or is that just a play for the guild as an inside-joke? Lori says:
Hehe, I actually used to have an obsession with cheez-its, and somehow that transferred over to the guild, who blew it up majorly. After writing songs and making banners and having a war on it, I don't think I can eat another cheez-it again. O.O
Brooklynn says:
What makes them better than Cheese-Nips?
Lori says:
How are they NOT better than cheese nips??? Cheese nips are total copycats, taste like artificial crap, and you can't even see the pretty salt grains on cheese nips!
Brooklynn says:
Wow, okay, I'll back off the Cheese-Nips! But what about Goldfish? Are they even in that category, or...? Lori says:
Cheez-its » Goldfish » Cheese Nips
Brooklynn says:
Good to know.
Brooklynn says:
Have you ever met any of the members in 'real life'?
Lori says:
Hmm, my friend used to be in here, but she quit Neopets so I deleted her. Other than that, nobody yet.
Brooklynn says:
So...can you tell me why Sloth is better than Darigan (who I am a big supporter of, by the way)?
Lori says:
And I AM Dr. Sloth... of course I'd be loyal to myself.
Brooklynn says:
And how did you get to be Dr. Sloth? Who died and made you Dominator of Neopia?
Lori says:
I was always dominator of Neopia, 'kay?
Lori says:
Is Lord Kass Darigan?
Brooklynn says:
No, Lord Darigan is Lord Darigan!
Lori says:
Oh, there's a Lord Darigan? Wow.
Brooklynn says:v xD
Lori says:
You never hear of Darigan minions, and you don't even have a Darigan smiley! Laaaame.
Brooklynn says:
Your lame.
Lori says:
Your spelling of "you're" is lame.
Brooklynn says:
Excuse me for living.
Lori says:
Because not including apostrophes makes your life.
Brooklynn says:
Your mother is lame (haha, I pulled an H-Man).
Lori says:
Haha, not funny. xD
Brooklynn says:
I thought it was... well, Dr. Sloth, I'd hate to keep you any longer from plotting the domination of Neopia. Thanks for your time.
Lori says:
You're welcome!

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























*So They Say (Brooklynn)


H-Man/Twerp (hman787)… why?

In case you haven't met him, H-Man (my brother) is one infamous little dude. He's illiterate, obsessed with "Yo Momma" jokes, and I'm surprised he wasn't kicked out already. Here's a little interview with him…oboy…

Twerp…first off, there will be no profanity in this interview. Understood?
Psh. No.

Why did you join neo.anxious?
Because I wanted to **** around

I said no profanity!
**** you!

Did you know it was a literate guild?
No, and it's bull****.

Do you know what 'literate' means?
Now I do.

People have been calling you the new Keith. How do you feel about that?
I couldn't give a ****.

What is it with you and 'Yo Momma'?
(laughs) I love my momma—and I love yo momma too!

We have the same momma!
We do?

(sighs) Why do you insist on insulting and terrorizing the members?
It's fun… really, you should try it. You get a lot of enjoyment out of it.

Why do you speak "H-Man Language?
Why don't I speak H-Man Language?

But you do…
Next question!

Have you made any friends in the guild, or does everyone hate you?
Well… I think they're my friends but they probably just hate me.

What's life like outside Neopets?
The same… 'cause I don't even consider Neopets a ****ing life or whatever.

Okay, I've had enough. Thanks.
No problem, sis.

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























Around Neopia (Sparkly)


KIKO LAKE - It's me. Sparkly. :D I'm here in Kiko Lake because Christine went missing and Neo.Anxious sent out a search party. And I'm searching. Real hard. It just happens that I'm in a relaxing place like Kiko Lake.

I heard somebody got attacked by a giant mutant Slugawoo, but that's probably in Maraqua. HAHA! UNDERWATER SUCKERS!

Anyways, while you're here, do you want a tour? The Glass Bottomed Boat tours are fun! You get to see coral and algae and moss and other stuff like the secret underwater world of the Kikos where they plot their plans for world domin... I mean... er... chairs. Yeah, chairs.

SPEAKING of chairs, there's a carpentry store. If your looking for some nice underwater themed furniture such as bubble or coral furniture here's the place to look. I personally like the Coral Salt and Pepper Shakers. Salt adds flavour while the pepper keeps creeps away. Like eskimos. Nobody is an eskimo except probably people who eat sushi. *cough*Iamnotaneskimo*cough*

SPEAKING about food, there's a little treat shop over there. I like the Vanilla Kiko Fudge and the chocolate shells. They are yummy and are a really good snack. I might get hooked. o.o

SPEAKING of getting hooked, does that mean you get high? If you're high are there really pretty colours? Because I went to the Kiko Lake Colouring Pages. Absolutely NO colour. So I guess I'm not high. :/

Now to wrap up this short tour, lets go inner tube racing! It's SOOOOO popular and there are absolutely NO chances you'll get sucked into a whirlpool or get stuck in guck or get shot by arrows.

Hey look! A giant mutant Slugawoo..... o.o

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























Council Editorial (Lori)


Q: I've only been in the guild for a week, and I'd really LOVE to help out! However, the committee requirements all say that I need to be in the guild for a few months before applying. Is there nothing I can do? -- made up
A: First off, the newspaper and design committees are open to everyone, as long as you are dedicated and plan on sticking around for a while. ;) As far as the Activities Committee goes, it's a pretty big job and the requirement stays.

Q: Hey Lori. Can I be on the members adoption committee though I am only a rank of clam? -- guitarman679
A: Hey Sam. First off, there's no rank as clam, we strongly discourage the use of poor sea creatures in the establishment of a land foundation such as the esteemed.. okay I'm done. ;D Now to answer your question, there was once an incident that required us to make age requirements. We've lowered the member adoption committee to jittery and 3 weeks, so you should be able to get on the committee soon!

Q: Erm, what is the guild till used for? -- j_dawg_99
A: To prepare ourselves in case of attack by certain 5-pointed yellow lumps... Naw, we actually have a variety of activities that give out free items or PP (Referrals, Mystery Pic, Find Those Pets, Avatar Trivia, The Wishing Well, Better Than You, King Skarl, Half Price Trades, Name the Neoitem, Gifts of Second Guessing, Crazy Captions, Crumbling Library, and the Birthday Club) whereas all profit derives from item activities (Bulb's Kitchen Quest, Sneak a Toy, Kadoatery) and donations.

Q: Do you have to put me as jittery or is it automatic? -- eggpasty
A: I would have to update your rank. :)

Q: What can Alyssa do to be as cool as Lori? -- believed__
A: Err, change her name to Lori and move to NY? :D

Q: What gave you the idea for the holiday activities? -- believed__
A: Well, Molly and I collaborated on a holiday activity and so it was brought about. On her application for the activities committee way back when, she had an idea called Pick a Petal, where you would have to guess something based on 6 petals, or clues. We built off that and Secret Santa, to make our Secret Snowflake! We had originally had bright ideas- have each peg of the snowflake with a clue, and the center with the picture, but that would mean that the picture would have to be saved multiple times so we could release a clue daily, and multiply that by the number of people participating...x.x Let's just say we didn't think our design committee would appreciate the idea. xD

Q: Can I host my own activity off the website? -- made up
A: Well, most activities are run on the actual website, but I love getting members involved so sure, why not? :)

Q: Let's say I want to be on the activities committee but not update activities. What can I do? -- made up
A: I've actually been thinking of an Activities Assistants Committee, which would check the PP Standings and birthday list for people who weren't in the guild and would notify someone on the Activities Committee who would delete them. Most big renovations will be done after the council elections, which I'm hoping to get done over Christmas break, around the time I've been leader for about a year! :o

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























Crossword (Alyssa)


The answers to last month's crossword:

(click and drag)
width='100'

And here's this month's crossword! :D

(click and drag)
width='100'

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/23/07


























Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


Dear Mr. Muggles,

It's a new year! A NEW YEAR! That means I'm going to start it off with a spark. Because if I start it off with a bang that might scare people and then they die of heart attacks and then I may get sued. o_o Plus, if I start it off with a bang now all the other bangs won't seem as cool. I need to think up of some resolutions. It's this tradition thingy that somebody makes me do where I have to come up with 5 resolutions. But I end up breaking them by the end of the week. :P They're always something stupid.

Sparkly's Resolutions List

-insert music here-

1. Stop eating socks (like that'll ever happen)
2. Pwn N.A.
3. Eat N.A.
4. Draw a picture where an evil mutant monster doesn't look like a bunny that loves flowers
5. Draw a picture where a bunny that loves flowers doesn't look like an evil mutant monster

TA-DAA!!!!!

Dear Sparkly,

Resolutions huh? I always have one. And that's World Domin... PEACE. Yep. I help out the Happiness Faerie. :) You started off with a bang last year? Hmmm... I think you killed my friend's pet rock. -_- THANKS! That rock was DRIVING ME CRAZY. It ALWAYS played roll music at night. Don't know what roll music is? It's where a person carefully assembles a small line of Angry Cinnamon Rolls AND BASHES THEM ALL UP. This creates an annoying purring song that drives people insane the LESS they listen to it. You hear it once and your life is over. That purr rings in your ears for the rest of your life. Poor Duckeh Sir Jinglesmire. That's what happened to him. He had to go to an asylum.

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























Guide (SM)


I, the famous Sm, and Keith, the third legged one, present to you today a list of the top 50 ways to please Lori. In this guide, you will learn how to please Lori in every way. Enjoy and remember to try to do all 50 everyday.

1. Be named Al Gore.

2. Ask TNT to get rid of the 30 second posting rule.

3. Chant "All hail Dr. Sloth!" for a two hour session of worship every day.

4. Be as great as Keith and/or be Keith

5. Do guild activities.

6. To not be annoying when IM-ing Lori

7. Be a science guru like Bill Nye the Science Guy and Guy (The other Science Guy)

8. Advertising until you no longer have the ability to type from complete exhaustion.

9. Don't use chatspeak (unless you are Keith).

10. Don't Spam (unless you are Keith in which case it is okay).

11. Be one of the cool people on the guild boards.

12. Be Sanc (Lori's wife) who is her life.

13. Write songs to her (you aren't allowed to unless you are Sm).

14. Put Lori on your lookup.

15. Befriend Keith.

16. Befriend Sm.

17. Swear your allegiance to the CFSA.

18. Have a fondness for cheez-its.

19. Live in Faerieland.

20. Marry Lori (May not please her depending on who you are).

21. Don't stalk Lori and hide outside her -blocked-

22. #21 does not apply if your name starts with 'K' and ends with 'eith'.

23. Change your middle name to 'Lori'.

24. Change your last name to Sloth or Lopez (Lori's unofficial last name).

25. Get a mic and call Lori.

26. Don't ask Lori questions unless you're cool like Sm and Keith.

27. Get Lori 5431534 avvies.

28. Think of 100 observations for Lori and turn it in to your local science professor.

29. Make 100 observations of a household object and tell Lori about it.

30. Philosophize about life.

31. Keith typing with his ... -omitted by Lori-.

32. Licking Keith's ... –omitted by Lori-.

33. Not putting comments involving –omitted by Lori- on userlookups.

34. Not screening anything derogatory towards Lori.

35. Unless Lori doesn't mind said screenies.

36. Don't blackmail Lori.

37. Don't betray Lori.

38. Have Keith as one of your NeoFriends.

39. Don't make fun of important boards made by Lori.

40. The phrase "imanub".

41. –censored by the biffles-

42. Being White and Nerdy as well as Riding Dirty.

43. Don't give Lori charity.

44. Saying 'pwn joo' and 'jaja'.

45. Introduce yourself to new members.

46. Make layouts.

47. Make graphics.

48. Make a top ten guilds list and have N.A as #1.

49. Write an article describing the 50 ways to please Lori.

50. And always remember to "BUMP DA FRIGGIN BOARD".

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/26/07


























Guide (Lydia)


A Guide to Contests

Part Three

This week's guide is for a Neopian Contest with 800 entries a day, ten winners a week and is all about imagination and creativity? That's right - the Story Telling Contest!

To begin with, I want to tell you a bit about the background of the contest, and also let you know some of the rules. Afterwards, I intend to give you some tips on how to clinch a winning story!

Did You Know? * At the beginning of the Story Telling Contest's long life, silver trophies were given out. Now only gold is awarded.

* In Story Contest 97, there was a character who spoke only in Haiku!

* Of the 800 entries a day, only 200 of those are proper entries - the rest is gibberish!

The Rules

* Copyright laws must be adhered to - no names or plots from other movies or books.

* It must be neo-related, of course!

* Don't spam a single entry - you're likely to be ruining it for yourself!

* Again, terms and conditions apply. No offensive, political or religion-based entries.

Hints and Tips - an Author FAQ

Q. So, how exactly does the contest work?

A. On Monday morning, the first section of a story is written by a staff member, and posted on the site. Users read it, and write 'what happens next'. The best gets put up, and again, users read this and write the next chunk.

Q. How often is a winner chosen?

A. Twice a day - once at noon and once around 4 'o clock in the afternoon.

Q. What should I try and include?

A. You should make sure that characters stay true to their personality, make sure that your section progresses the story and most importantly - make sure it is interesting!

Q. What should I avoid?

A. Romance, death, gore, all the usual things really. Chat speak is bad, bad, bad! If you send in a chat speak entry, it won't be looked at!

Q. How long do the stories last?

A. A week, excluding weekends. The finishing section is at 4 'o clock Friday.

Q. Can you win more than once in a week?

A. Yes - twice is the limit.

Q. How many characters should be in the story?

A. Three is a full house. After that, it gets too confusing. Of course, side characters can be included, but they should not join the main 'party'.

Q. Is there a cut off point when no new characters should be added?

A. No new main characters should be included after the end of Tuesday, really, unless it's a villain. There isn't time to create an in-depth character after that.

Q. What other tips can you give me?

A. Always run your story through a spell checker before you submit it - it really does help! Of course, the odd spelling mistake is nothing to worry about, but try to check first! Always read the previous section(s) thoroughly before writing your own - and make sure that nothing you have written contradicts what has been written before. Always have a thesaurus on hand - be it online or a book - so that you can get in some great vocab. After all, everyone knows that 'malevolent' sound better than 'bad'!

Thanks for reading - good luck writing!

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























Lori Conundrum (Lori)


The answer to last month's conundrum:

(click and drag)
width='100'

And this month's:

(click and drag)
width='100'

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/24/07


























Rant & Rave (Sammi)


The Pound

Rave:

I don't know about you, but I've always loved the pound. It's entertaining (to me) to watch the many pets that just cycle through, good way to waste time (or procrastinate). It helps me find new pets to zap, and allows me to transfer pets to a side account. Its other amazing feature is pet lending. Don't have a fire blumaroo? No worries! Just go to the AC and you can adopt one for lending from the pound in no time.

Rant:

The annoying part of the pound isn't really the pound itself, but the huuuuge drama it has caused from being closed for about a year. I'm really tired of seeing the endless "When will the pound be back up???" boards. And the "0mG There's a draik in Teh pound ." We all know that there are many painted and rare pets in there. And when the day finally comes, we all know everyone is going to have a freak out. The petpages dedicated to just the pets stuck in the pound are just going a bit too far. I'm dreading the day it finally re-opens, or shuts down for good.

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/23/07


























Rant & Rave (Zach)


Christmas. It's a holiday that everyone knows about. Some people don't celebrate it… some shun it from existence but everyone knows what it is. I really love this season. It is a great time of year to get together with friends… get presents… no school for a large chunk… eat cookies… get presents… hear Christmas songs on the radio… get more presents. As you can see I am stressing a part of this holiday's existence. Presents. Who doesn't love Christmas presents? It doesn't matter where you get them from, Santa or relatives, but everyone loves the rush of opening them and seeing what is inside. In this article of Rants and Raves I am complaining about some presents… you don't want (or maybe you do 'cause you're weird).

• First off I will eliminate underwear and t-shirts. Must I explain more?
• Next, toothbrushes. Nothing like waking up to Christmas to improve oral high! -.-
• Food. Unless you are in college or its Orbitz gum… useless!
Okay so I got some of the unwanted. I can nag and nag about these gifts. There are more I am sure….like that ugly hand knit sweater from your aunt… *barfing*. There hasn't been a lot of ranting in this article has there… *thinks* I guess this time of year besides annoying Christmas songs that are overplayed (RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER!!!! *smacks head against wall trying to get out of head*) and exams (I really am studying now, I swear… hehehehe) there really isn't anything to hate about the most wonderful time of the year. So have yourself a merry little Christmas and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























Shopping Bazaar (SM)


As we have entered the holidays, I have decided to write a special edition of the shopping bazaar, focusing on some seasonal favorites. First off, we'll go over the gift shop. This shop is not only a great place to get something special for your friend, but also a reasonable place to restock. If you to plan on restocking here, I advise bringing around 75k. There is one main reason to restock here: for the Valentine's Day ring. Aside from that the only other good item you'll find would probably be spoons.

Next I'll go over Winter Petpets. Once again a good place to by a gift, and an even better place to restock. Now by far the two most famous things that restock here are the legendary candychan and snowickle. You can also make a good deal of money off the raindorf, powtry, ona, and others.

Finally our last shop is known as Ice Crystals. This shop mostly stocks battledome items, some of which like the freezing potion you could make 7 mil off of. Normally when restocking here you'll want roughly 200k on hand. Some other items you can make a good profit on are the ice sword, ice shield, frost healing, snow flame, icy glove, ice sceptre, icy snowflake, stone snowflake, ice conker, minty snowflake, spicy snowflake, grape snowflake, and dung snowflake.

Hope you enjoyed this special edition of the shopping bazaar. If you have any suggestions for next month feel free to neomail Sm.

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/30/07


























So They Say (Molly)


Molly has interviewed Alyssa (believed__) this month, a pink eraser lover.

Molly says:
So, Alyssa, tell me about your neo-history.
Alyssa says:
I joined when I was 7 and never really played a lot. I made quite a few accounts and it was only a couple years back when I discovered GUILDS.
Alyssa says:
I joined an Aly & AJ guild (it was a phase) which I eventually became owner of...
Alyssa says:
Then I joined treasured.nova, and then Lori came to my guildless board and I lived happily ever after. ;)
Molly says:
If you could bring one NeoItem to a deserted island where you would be stranded, what what it be?
Alyssa says:
I've heard that one before. :P
Alyssa says:
Umm...Berry Ink Eraser. Do you NEED an explanation?! :P
Molly says:
How would it help you get off the island?
Alyssa says:
I have a pink eraser, it's all I need in life. ;)
Molly says:
How did you come to be obsessed with pink erasers?
Alyssa says:
It started off as just randomly posting on the guild board, "I like pink erasers." and I guess I just stuck to it. *shrugs*
Alyssa says:
Well, in gr. 5, I literally had an eraser that I randomly drew a stick figure on and named it Caitlin. My BEST eraser EVER!! And then someone stabbed it. -.-
Molly says:
Tell the readers why you love neo.anxious, and what happened once you got accepted into the guild.
Alyssa says:
One word: The members.
Okay, that's two words but whatever. All the members are just amazing and I love everyone to death. Everyone's just so awesomely random and funny. I take many members as role models in my life. Once I got accepted....I got excited. Like REALLY excited. And when I came to the guild boards, I got drowned by posts. It was WONDERFUL. xD
Molly says:
Would you prefer to have many friends or a couple very close friends? Why?
Alyssa says:
A couple very close friends for sure. Because my whole life has just been many friends, no best friends. It's only this year, I've found some friends who are very close to me and I've been much happier than before.
Molly says:
How did the biffles form? xD
Alyssa says:
Brooklynn came up with the term while neomailing me. She just said it randomly and I was like, "Biffles?" and she said, "That's right. I'm cool enough to say biffles. B)" or something like that. And then she just started referring to the term to describe our relationship. Then we invited Mo, she accepted. And we became the Sisterhood of the Travelling Biffles. And Molly and Personage became Honorary Biffles.
Molly:
Who is your favourite Neopets character?
Alyssa:
My favourite Neopian Character would have to be the Space Faerie because she has thwarted many of Lo- I mean Dr. Sloth's plans in taking over Neopia. I'm too scared to even THINK of what would happen if Dr. Sloth took over. Hehe, just messing with Lori. ;)

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/18/07


























Soapbox (Lydia)


Escape from the Rainbow Parade Part Two

It was the most extraordinary plushie Moby had have imagined. All its limbs were different colours - one arm pink, one arm orange, one leg red, one leg silver. Its torso was a tumult of lime and rose. A yellow head bore one brown eye, and one of shocking turquoise. And its mouth - when it opened into a wicked grin - displayed a spectrum of shades.

Bzzt! Bzzt! Mission - destroy all plushies!" Moby gasped. More weird toys drew out of the mist, all smiling crookedly. They too began to chant: "Destroy all plushies!" Moby's heart flipped. But you're plushies too!" the crazed army halted, and the leader smirked.

We are not a part of your inferior species," it scorned, and the others laughed mechanically. "Advice?" It paused. "Run.

Moby didn't need to be told twice. In the face of this army of colour, advancing like the wave of a rainbow sea, Moby turned and ran. He darted around the big silver crates, newly created limbs moving like pistons to escape the siege. Destroy all plushies echoed up to the high ceiling, and Moby's thoughts streamed to wonder what monsters the buldge-eyed grundo had created. It was obvious that the paint he had put together had created a mutant - who did the grundo think he was?

However, Moby had no time to think further, he just needed to get out. Looking up, the plushie gelert spotted a vent, left open by the earlier explosion. His hopes leapt - he clambered up four giant crates and stood anxiously on top. It was a big jump to the air vent… he felt a wave of nausea as he glanced down the sheer crevasse. The rainbow army were scrabbling up the first box, pursuing the stray resister. On three he thought, swallowing hard. "One… two… ARGGHH!" Moby felt a tug on his right foot, and he looked down to see a grinning face of colourful teeth looking up at him.

Destroy all plushies… bzzt!" it called, and was answered loudly as the others took up the war chant.

Moby struggled desperately, pulling and kicking to free himself. A motorized fan on the ceiling whipped up the air around him. He watched its toggle toss as it spun… and his brain hatched an idea.

Moby stretched forwards - his paw trembling with effort as he inched closer… just a bit more… come on… got it! He grasped the toggle with relief, and felt his small plump body lift of the crate and then spin around in conjunction to the fan. The monster grabbing his foot held on for a moment, then slipped and fell to the ocean of sea below. Moby bit his lip in concentration; his head swam with dizziness as he was swung in circles, then… GO! Moby let go and flew through the air to the vent, timing perfect as the war chant rung out.

Now to escape thought Moby. Let's get out of here!

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























Soapbox (Brooklynn)


There's a difference between
What you hoped for…and what you're stuck with.

There's a difference between
An avatar…and a scrawny fish.

There's a difference between
An ummage…and a dubloon.

There's a difference between
Ten-thousand neopoints...and sixty-two.

There's a difference between
A codestone…and a tombola visor.

There's a difference between
A faerie paint brush…and none

There's a difference between
Being a serious player who wants to get the Adam avatar on Neopets…and having fun

There's a difference between
A n00b…and a newbie.

There's a difference between
H-Man…and a literate guildie.

There's a difference between
Alyssa's pink erasers…and a pen

There's a difference between
The Rapping Master…and SM

There's a difference between
People…and Person

There's a difference between
Mo likes Spider-Man"…and an obsession

There's a difference between
Lori being Sloth…and just in the guild

There's a difference between
Zach being Lori's slave…and free will

There's a difference between
The guild Neo.Anxious…and all the rest

There's a difference between
All those other guilds…and the best.

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























Soapbox (Brooklynn)


Ah, inactiveness. How the word makes thee cringe.
How it cuts thy hopes and dreams apart.
How it burns and singes.

Inactiveness is not a blame and it is not a fault,
It is but a mere delay from life outside,
How virtuality it halts.

Do not blame the inactive soul for his disappearing act.
Do not set against with a grudge,
For await the fact.

It can not be helped, as it is so said and so comprehended.
So do not ready thy torches and mutiny,
His words do not try to bend.

The inactive soul desires to return to the computer he once knew.
But it is harder than that, so much harder than that.
He knows not what to do.

Outside life is a factor that separates with such fine, fine lines,
But hopefully inactiveness can not come between
Everyone and I.

Accept the inactive soul, my dear friends
As it is easier still,
To be there till the end.

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























The Buzz (Lydia)


Welcome to the latest issue of the Buzz! Here's the lowdown...
* Posh pteris will love the new Royal Boy Pteri Crown, Armour and Sabatons, and the Royal Girl Pteri Circlet, Robes and Clip.

* If you think yourself high in wisdom, try the Mystery Island, Lost Desert, Easy and Maraqua Puzzle Boxes.

* They make look nasty but they sure taste good! Try the Mint Chocolate, Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry 'Spike Ball Candies'.

* What's in your Green Mystery Capsule?

* The backgrounds this month are: Autumn Leaves, 8th Birthday Celebration, Hovering Chair, Turmac Roll, Attack of the Revenge, Games Master, and Snowball Fight.

* Happy Birthday! Look out for the Neopets 8th Birthday Paddleball, Spring Toy and Top.

* The long nights are well and truly here, so spice up your NeoHome with the new Autumn Harvest Basket, Apple Filled Gourd and Autumn Leaf Wreath.

* If you can't get enough of magic paintbrushes, buy the Blue, Red, Yellow or Green Paint Brush Collectable Charm.

* Order! Don't get so excited over the release of the Powdered Wig!

* Mmmmmm! Plain, Cinnamon, Orange and Chokato Honey Sticks make a great treat for your pets!

* The new Jhudora, Ryshu, Hannah and Mutant Ona Bobbleheads are a great stocking filler this Christmas!

* If you really are into your bobbleheads, try the new books: Do It Yourself Bobbleheads, Collectors Guide to Bobbleheads, Bobbleheads and Neopian Cultures and Bobblehead the Magazine.

* The Mechanical Wings look robo-great on all pets!

* The Neopets 8th Birthday Goodie Bag looks promising - what will be inside?

* If you like a drink with a kick, try the Festive Faerie Fizz, the Sparkling Space Cocktail and the Fire Tonic!

* Party Time! Celebrate in style with the Tiered Neopets 8th Birthday Cake, Blue 8 Neopets 8th Birthday Cake, Fun Neopets 8th Birthday Cake and Slice of Pink Neopets 8th Birthday Cake!

* The Blue, Green, Purple and Yellow Neopets 8th Birthday Bead Necklaces sure look stylish!

* There is now a Neopets 8th Birthday Hat in Black and White, Blue and Gold, Red and Gold or Sparkly Pink.

* Everyone loves party food, so make sure you're stocked up on Neopets 8th Birthday Ball Blower Neopets 8th Birthday Candies, Neopets 8th Birthday Chocolate Dubloons, Neopets 8th Birthday Lollypops and Neopets 8th Birthday Whistlepops!

* If your pet desereves a bit of luxury this Christmas, give them some Lavender Soap, some Raindrop Shampoo, some White Lotus Glitter Lotion or some Glittering Faerie Dusting Power.

* Just Say No To Gobbler is the new book on saving the lovable petpet at Christmas time. A must-have read.

* Have you got your hands on a Faerie Mystery Capsule?

* Play it loud with the new Sparkling Faerie Wand, Shell Violin, Maraqua Guitar, Coral Flute and Maraquan Tambourine.

* Yum! The new Blueberry, Lemon, Cherry and Lime Lozenges taste fab!

* If there are far too many leaves in your NeoGarden, brighten the place up with the Autum Garden Torch, the Leaf Covered Shed, the Autumn Pond and Autumn Garden Lounger.

* The Gobbler Costume and Gobbler Mask are perfect for fancy dress!

* Don't you just love Christmas food? If so, try the new Turkey and Chestnut Dressing, Turkey Leg Pasta, Dressing and Cranberry Sandwich and Turkey Leg.

* If you love Ghostkerchiefs, try all the new merchandise! This includes: Ghostkerscarf Ghostkerchief Hammer, Ghostkerchief Bag, Ghostkerchief Dagger, Ghostkerchief Bracers, Ghostkercreme Puff, Ghostkerchief Blueberry Roll, Ghostkerchief Island Cake and Ghostkerchief Cookies! Phew!

* Game on! Try the Games Master Challenge Mystery Capsule and Games Master Headset!

* How much do you love eating snow? Find out with the Snow Bagel, Snow Broccoli, Snow Burrito and Snow Kabob!

Proofread by: Alyssa 12/15/07


























December 07 Articles




























Around Neopia (Sparkly)


Month of Celebrating? Should be called Month of Freezing Cold Temperatures.

I've been walking around for days. I think I was supposed to get to the Lost Desert to continue my article from some previous time but I got lost. I think it happened when the captain drank that Strange Potion and turned into a girl. Or maybe it was when she jumped overboard. Anyways I got lost, it's freezing and I think I got frostbite because I Survived the Haunted Woods T-shirts aren't very good protection against blizzards. I ended up in this place. Happy Valley I think it's called. At least it's not snowing here. I decided to explore the place since that's the only way I could possible keep warm.

I looked around. For a place with freezing cold temperatures they sure sell a lot of cold foods.

Still freezing, I went into Merry Outfits to see if they had anything for a button like me. I stole an Acara's robe. I think she was angry at me, but I can't understand Acarian or whatever it's called so I ran as fast as I could.

I ran into this door. It was like a door from a gingerbread house. Too bad it was a biscuit door, because I broke it with ease. Seeing these little creatures everywhere I seriously thought this was Santa's workshop. Until this bruce that was singing very horribly came in. "So this must be a tour guide pick-up place." I thought. I bought this Wreathy's services, but it was pretty expensive. And you know what? He ran away. He left little footprints but where snowed on by some freak blizzard that lasted 2 seconds but created waist high snow.

I slowly walked to the nearest sign. It took about 25 minutes. When I got there the sign said "Gift Tags". GIFT TAGS? I'm stuck in some Happy place with no shoes on because some Grundo stole them and they want me to get GIFT TAGS?

At least they have Greeting Cards too. I have no time. I printed one out. Grrrr......

Two Months Later

Lori: Hey look! We've got mail!

Alyssa: Let me see!

To: Neo.Anxious Guild Headquarters

From: sparkly_button

CURSE YOU PEOPLE! SENDING ME ON A SHIP WITH SOME STRANGE CAPTAIN! PICK ME UP NOW! I'M FREEZING.


























Council Editorial (Lori)


Q: When will the poll be up???????????!!!!!! --based off real question
A: The poll for electing the new leader will be up once Christine sends me her critiques on the 5 applicants. I will then send out a guild mail and put up the poll.

Q: Can we have a day where neo.anxious is public? --based off real question
A: That's up to the new leader to decide; personally I don't exactly approve of it. It totally demolishes our idea of "literate" guild if non-literates join, and then going private the next day, it just ruins the point of us going public in the first place.

Q: How do I write for the newspaper? --based off real question
A: Pick any articles that you would be interested in writing in (listed under the Staff section, last one). Then, neomail your preferred articles to Alyssa (believed__), the head of the newspaper committee. Once you're accepted, you'll need to prepare a brief autobiography and get to work on your articles, which are due the 14th of each month.

Q: When will we have council elections? --based off real question
A: That's up to the new leader, I run council elections only when I need them. No need to have a full council who does nothing. :P

Q: Will you tell us who your pick for leader is? --made up
A: I love everyone who is running for leader, and I gave subtle hints as to who I might think would be the best leader, but as for straight forward saying who I want to win, I cannot do that.

Q: What are some of the qualities you think a good leader should have? --made up
A: Morality (including FAIRNESS and PATIENCE), being friendly to everyone (to establish good connections with other guilds, that's VERY important. You don't want a leader of a good guild spreading bad rumors about neo.anxious because you were rude to them, and you don't want any guild members leaving and doing the same thing), being serious at times and relaxed at others (approachable yet intimidating), strong determination, and exceptional organization skills (or as Sammi likes to call it, OCD.)

Q: Why is it that we get a new guild layout every 2 weeks, but the website layout hardly changes? --made up
A: The guild layout we can change, but the website requires superadmin to the website, which only Attie has. The website is held on her server, and only she has access to it. If she gave me superadmin, that would mean I have access to her server and she keeps some very valuable things on there, such as her career. :P She mentioned that she'd start a FTP (file transfer protocol) with me, and from what I can gather, I need to download a program that will allow us to share files. o_0 Okay so maybe I need Christine's help on that one..

Q: Will Attie ever come back? --based off real question
A: If only she would! But, alas, I don't believe she has the time to.

Q: Why rainbow dung? --believed__
A: Attie put rainbow dung in the application a while ago, and through my master analyzing skills, I deemed that the question was there to assess the humor/creativity of the applicant! Why that particular item, I don't know. But we've come to cherish this "don't-judge-an-item-on-its-looks" item!



























Crossword (Alyssa)


November's crossword puzzle answers seem to have disappeared from my photobucket. :K Thank you to Alyssa for filling in for me this month!

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Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


Dear Mr. Muggles,

It's the Month of Celebrating now isn't it? YIPPEE! I love this month, but mostly because I get presents for my birthday AND the Day of Giving. Isn't that great? I get double gifts! What kind of gifts do you like to get? I like gifts, but I would like the person who is giving me the gift to know me well enough to get an awesome gift that they know I will like. *cough*N.A.*cough, cough*youtooMr.Muggles*cough* I wonder what will happen this year. My parents never really care about me. T_T Last year they got me a pair of socks. But then again I lubb socks. :) Usually parents are supposed to be like "WOW! YOU GOT A PERFECT MARK FROM NEOSCHOOL? GOOD JOB! HERE! HAVE SOME MONEY!" but my parents are like "Again? Oh well, isn't that your 55th one? Or was it 67? I lost count since you started school." Anyways, I like Borovan Day too! My favourite is the Mint Flavoured Borovan. It's really...minty. :) What about you?

Dear Sparkly,

This month is okay. I guess. It's easier to do evil world dom... er... I mean it's easier to buy negg nog. They usually don't sell it until this time of year. I like to get gifts such as Orange Evil Mastermind Chair, Seasonal Evil Coconut, Pant Devil Lunch Box and maybe the Evil Fuzzle Gnome too. I think "somebody" should give me a gift first though. -glares- I consider my boss as my family. It's as close enough as I will ever get in life to a family, considering my job. Borovan Day is nice. It's quite hard to drink Super Spicy Borovan out here though, considering it's space. But I have mastered the technique. You must leave the liquid in the cup until you are out in space. Then you must spin around 3 times and try to hover in one spot. After you try to swallow the spheres of borovan floating around. Then you come up with plans for world domin...I mean...world peace. Yeah, that's it.


























Guide (Lydia)


A Guide to Contests Part Two

For neo.anxious, hear me write,
A poem, that inspire it might,
The rhyming talents that you hold,
Must show their vivid selves, be told. For there's a contest, hidden deep,
In Neopia's glow'n' keep,
If you can write with wit and flair,
A place - for you - is kept just there.Ahem. Now that's out the way, let me introduce the contest behind this week's guide. This competition has over 7000 entries a week, and allows Neopians to show off their artistic genious and warped imaginations. You guessed it - the Poetry Contest!

Did You Know?

* The most times anyone has won the Poetry Contest is a massive 148 (accurate on date of publishing!). It just goes to show that there is always something new to write about!

* Every 100 poetry contests, there is a special 'Poetry Century', which is where the best seven poems from the past 100 contests (that's 500 poems) gets chosen to recieve a special honour. The poems are re-published, and the authors of each recieve a rare item, and the Alstaf Poogle collectable card. These cards are exclusive to winners of the Centuries. It is believed to be nigh-impossible to achieve this twice in a Neopian lifetime.

* The shortest poem to be accepted was two words long! Incidentally, these were 'wet' and 'pet' (describing the Jetsam).

The Rules

* Copying is not permitted! Poetry is meant to be fun and exciting, not a means to make neopoints or whatever. So don't do it!

* Your poem must be neopets-related. Simple, really...

* The usual terms and conditions apply, meaning that subjects such as religion and politics must be avoided.

Hints and Tips - A poet FAQ

Q. What can I write about? Everything has been done before!

A. Not true! Think about the thousands of items on Neopets (25,636 to be exact), the hundreds of games, all the contests, the colours and every type of pet, petpets, the 18 worlds and the places within them, TNT, good guys, baddies, plots, the Altador Cup... how can you not think of something to write about!? If you're stuck, wander around the site for a while, until you find something that catches your interest.

Q. What style must I write in?

A. Any! From haikus to limerics, rhyme or no ryhme, it's up to you.

Q. My Neopian version of 'A Partridge in a Pear Tree' rocks! Can I enter it?

A. By all means, do, but bear in mind you stand less of a chance of winning than a completely original poem.

Q. How often is the poetry gallery updated?

A. Technically, twice a week, but also on other 'Theme Days'. Each update has five new poems.

Q. A Theme Day? What's that?

A. One of the days featured on the Neopets calendar. Each one has it's own poems dedicated to it.

Q. It's been two weeks since I entered my poem, and still no news! What's the hold up?

A. Calm down! With so many entries, poets should expect to wait about 2-3 months for a reply (it has been known to be longer - 5 months is my longest!). You should receieve a neomail for either decision from TNT.

Q. What do I get if I win?

A. 1000 neopoints, a spiffy trophy and the good ol' mysterious item. This can range in value and usefullness. Like I said before, poetry centuries award an Alstaf Poogle, and other things I personally have been awarded are orange, fire, checkered, purple and pink paint brushes, a Feloreena petpet, and multiple petpet paint brushes. And of course, you also win the glory of being a Neopian Poet!

Q. Well, I have my inspiration, my motivation and my PC knowledge, and my poem is 3/300 lines long! Nothing can stop me... right?

A. I hate to burst your happy little bubble, but length plays a part in the PC! Poems should be between 25 and 75 lines long, and while poems outside these boundaries have been known to succeed, it's best to stick to the guidelines if you can!

So, I'd like to choose now to round off my guide. In my personal opinion, as a player, the poetry contest is a fabulous contest, that's really worth the time and effort you put into it. There are so few boundaries - you can express yourself and your opinions in any way you choose, and having your work for millions of players to see is a real buzz. Neopets is always looking for new poets, so please, take the time to write a piece, and maybe it'll be you who sees their work in the gallery next.

Thanks to the incredible Anjie, silver_spiderlillies and LaureLinden for their wonderful poetry throughout the years - what inspiration!


























Guide (Mo)


5 ways to make amazing friends and move up in ranks in Neo.Anxious

So, you're new (or old) and want great connections and best friends. So, what do you do? Well, that's why I'm here. SO SIT DOWN AND LISTEN! Mmmkayy? When I first joined Neo.Anxious, I was at victim to every bad guild in Neopia. I was hopeless, and it seemed like every guild had chewed me up and spit me out. But one day at my guildless board, Lori showed up, and I was saved. Believe it or not, I'd never actually made any really friends in any of the many guilds I'd joined. –Le GASP- I was a guild hopper, and not even by choice, because I'd given up finding a good one! I'd was hoping N/A would be the one, but I wasn't sure. And then I started to make friends, and now, I'm on a Dizzy rank and have a lot of friends, and two Biffles (BFFLs) that I love to death. I've definitely utilized my time here. Soooooo, without further ado, I present to you: 5 ways to make amazing friends and move up in ranks in Neo.Anxious. (Long title, I know. XD)

1) Post on the boards. A lot!
Usually, you'll be online at the same time as some people in the guild. So get to know them! You'll see each other often, so talk it up! This'll also help improve your rank, and help you get known among the guildies.
2) Join some committees!
When your rank is high enough and you have all the qualifacations, it's a good idea to join a few committees. (Like the design committee, the member adoption committee, the newspaper staff, etc.) This will help you get to know the older members, which can help a lot if you want people to notice you. ;).
3) Get an MSN!
Most of the older members use MSN, and they talk in big chats together. If you want to see where the big guild action happens, you should collect MSN usernames and add them to your buddy list.
4) Do activites and earn PP!
Lori and the activity committee work hard on making sure we have plenty of fun activites to keep us pre-occupied. So DO them! You get nifty prizes, and OH! You can get avvie lending from your PP too!
5) Make friends with Molly (AKA: cookiecrumbs226)
For this ceremonious occasion, I have interviewed Molly to tell you how cool she is.
Mo says:
How long have you been in N.A?
Molly says:
Nine months.
Mo says:
Help me think of more questions!
Molly says:
How has ____ made you ___?
Molly says:
Haha, I don't know!
Mo says:
How has Bob made you cook?
Molly says:
Well, Bob and I broke up. I don't wah wah wannnt to tah tah talk about it.
Mo says:
And how do you feeeeel about that?
Molly says:
I feel... Shocked. I mean Bob always wrote me poems confessing his love about cooking.
Mo says:
That's deep.
Mo says:
Do you like honey lemon cough drops?
Molly says:
No.
Mo says:
WHY NOT?
Molly says:
Only cherry. =)
Mo says:
What is your favorite avatar?
Molly says:
Pinata & Candy.
Mo says:
Whose the bestest person in the whooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle guild? (MO!)
Molly says:
Mwa.
Molly says:
;D
Mo says:
Mo. Times 10.
Molly says:
The biffs.
Mo says:
Say some concluding remarks:
Molly says:
I don't like green eggs, but grass I can tolerate.


























Guide (SM)


Many people struggle with making money. Some don't know how to break the 10k mark, others the 100k, and still others are looking for their first million. A large part of Neopets is based on making neopoints and many doors open up to you as you gain more and more. My current net worth is over ten million neopoints, so I have decided to write a guide sharing how I reached it.

First off, as most people know, neopoints don't come easy for most of us. In most cases whether you work hard or hardly work is takes a lot of time to accumulate neopoints. Of course there are those lucky people who get something such as a MSPP (TCG) from the Wheel of Knowledge and have tens of millions of neopoints without doing anything. Others are such talented restockers who easily make 500k a day. As I cannot do these things, I have no way of telling you how you could, however I will tell you how I make neopoints and share a few of the main ways you can too.

To begin, I will tell you the most important phrase in making neopoints: It takes money to make money. The more you have, the easier it is to make more. One million neopoints is far easier to make for someone who has ten million as opposed to someone who has nothing. Of course everyone starts out with barely anything so I will start us off there.

The only way you can really make neopoints as a newbie is through games. If you are talented at them, you can easily make 10k a day from them. Once you accumulate at least 50k, you can move on to some more interesting endeavors.

Now that you have at least 50k, there are a few ways you can make neopoints. I once went on the Shop Wizard randomly looking at weapons, and found one worth 60k in someone's shop for 500np. I bought and sold it, making 59.5k without breaking a sweat. This is known as sniping. This was just luck for me, but some make a living out of sniping auctions, the Shop Wiz, and the Trading Post.

Now for a little story: when I first got the lab map back when it was 500k I decided to spend my remaining neopoints on a camouflage paint brush for my scorchio (who is now painted Island thanks to an FFQ). I think I played some games for a little while, and got back up to 100k. I was skimming through the trading post one day, and came across a Darigan Paint Brush with a wishlist of a card I could get for 300k. I quickly got one from a gallery, but it was sold to someone else. Now to buy that card, I had to take a 200k loan from a friend so at this point I have negative 200k. I then thought to myself, if someone with a Darigan Paint Brush wanted this card, perhaps someone with a lesser paint brush would too. After spending nearly a day offering the card on paint brushes, someone accepted for a Baby Paint Brush. I sold that baby paint brush for 580k, and I made 280k in a single day.

Of course, all though there are many main stream ways to make neopoints, I have made the majority of mine from the Altador Cup. Spend many hours each day it lasted, I was able to make huge amount for neopoints. I sold an item now worth 10 mil for 1.5 mil a year and a half ago, and I kept a stamp now worth roughly two mil. From the second Altador Cup I bought the top prize, it was once selling for 8 million, and with inflation will go over 10 million. I believe I wrote a guide about the Altador Cup earlier, so I won't go into much detail here but this has been my primary source of income.

There are of course many ways to make neopoints through sniping, games, restocking, plots, and even random events. My personal favorite way to make neopoints however is the stock market. I could write an entire guide over it, but instead I'll point you in the direction of an excellent stock market guide if you are interested: http://www.neopets.com/~stepchild. Originally Keith (rxv) got me started in the stock market, and it's paid off in huge dividends. Just today I sold a stock and made a cool 640k. I began the stock market with 2.4 mil in my bank. I now have 2 mil in my bank, and 1.7 million invested in stocks. Not to mention my slushie slinger drinking cap which I plan to sell for 10 million neopoints.

There are many ways you can make neopoints, and I hope this guide helped you learn a little more about those ways. From restocking to the stock market, you too could be a millionaire and who knows … if you're lucky maybe even one of the few billionaires on this site.


























Lori Conundrum (Lori)


The answer to last month's puzzle:

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And this month's!:

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Rant & Rave (Sammi)


This month's rant and rave is about 2 of the games I've been playing for about a whole month. The fun, the benefits, and the anger that follows. The reason I'm focusing just on these 2 games is because of, what else, the game avatar that comes with them.

Rant: Freaky Factory

This game is a nuisance. And it hates me. I've gotten well into the 900's just for that stupid clock to run out of time. It's a relatively simple game to play. Click the balloon things to fall into their colored vats of goo. Make a plushie and rack up the points. Simple right? But no. It never is. There is a little purple grundo that pops up whenever he feels like to steal those plushies away. Taking away your points. And another haste, it that if your little color blob misses the giant vat, you run the risk of ending your game. And if that wasn't enough, it's all timed! It's physically impossible. But of course, I'm going to keep playing and playing until I get it. (that is until the end of November-December) Check the newspaper next month to see if I got it.

Rave: Hannah and the Pirate Caves

This has become, one of my all time favorite games. It has some great graphics that you don't normally see on Neo Games. Game play is easy. It's a simple, dodge this, run over that, swim down there fast kind of game. It also has some great tutorials that add to your score. Yes, you hear me right. You get points for practicing. There are also "hidden" bonus gems for you to collect that boost your score. But the best part is, no time limit. Take as long as you want (or can) in all the levels. It's an easy game avatar for anyone to get. Highly recommended.


























Rant & Rave (Zach)


Hey! This is Zach reporting for my first article for the Neo.Anxious paper! BOO-YAH! Anyway, this article will be focused on one of the newest fads in neo.anxious: Pink erasers. I personally hate pink erasers. I can't find the simple relavance to them. I believe that they are in creation only for the losers in life who make mistakes. I mean if you never make mistakes there is no need for erasers right?

Second off...why PINK? I understand pink is usually loved by females. I find pink an attractive color myself. But why waste it on an eraser. Only a crazed out of her mind dictator who slave drives her newspaper committee would put erasers with pink! *cough* So in conclusion on this topic I must say: Pink erasers? Or sanity. You decide.

My next bit of bickering may be a little touchy. Lately we have had some dramas in the beautiful musical comedy known as "Neo.Anxious". We had Mia leave and we had Misty leave. How can one know what is truth and what is fiction? You can't really. Unfortunately no matter how one tries it is very hard not to be biased. And due to this fact no matter who you ask you are going to get a slightly different story. Now Misty and Mia both have petpages on their leavings. I suggest you read those before you start neomailing them like crazy. I personally hate it when people neomail me over and over again. So don't. Leave them be, because in most cases it is really annoying to get a neomail with a question they already anwsered.

NEXT RANT! Neo.Anxious is an almost perfect society, but it lacks something a little important. A recent discovery showed that there are almost ten times as many girls as guys in the guild. While, yes, the around five guy members are very active for the most part we need more. Testosterone is something that is hard to come by on Neopets, I understand, but Member Adoption Comittee, lets see some changes. Pronto before SM, Sam, and myself all start wearing makeup and buying purses (more often than we did before this article).

Well this article is going to be a little shorter than some in the future might be. Partly because I have my overseer stalking me about doing this and I can't thnk of anything else and because this last topic is really short and to the point. Nothing in the world drives me more insane than guild invites at this point. They drive me INSANE! Doesn't anyone read userlookups anymore? That is all I need to say in this topic. Thank you and have a nice night!


























Shopping Bazaar (SM)


I've been running out of material for the shopping bazaar, but I decided to throw something together about some of the less-talked-about shops and how to successfully restock there.

First off I'll discuss the toy shop. This is an okay shop to restock at if you're a beginner or average, but very good if you are an expert. When going here you want around 50k on hand, you shouldn't need more than that. When restocking you will want to buy anything that looks unusual like baby or mutant plushies, special plushies (like NQII, Meridell war, etc.), faerie dolls, snowglobes, magical plushies and anything else that sells for a good amount on the shop wizard/trading post.

Next the Bakery; this is a decent shop no matter what level restocker you are. Carry 30k or so when restocking here. I'd say this shop is best to restock in if you have a little experience; many of its items resell for around 10k. Any items that starts with less than three in stock is generally a good buy.

Last but not least I'll go over the gift shop in this month's bazaar. This is a rather poor place to restock at, but as a result not many people restock here; which means you can get some nice items at the right time. Carry 75k. There is one great item at the gift shop, the valentines day ring. It sells for 400k-500k, giving you some very nice profit. Aside from that you have a few other unbuyables and small profit items.

Hope you enjoyed this edition of the shopping bazaar. Good luck restocking!


























Soapbox (Brooklynn)


This is my first work to be published in the newspaper, and I am very excited and honored. So, before I start writing about other things, I thought you would like to know more about me. So, here it is: my interview with myself. It is a mix of random fun facts and actual information. I came up with some questions, but I also asked other members to ask me questions as well. Enjoy!

So do people just call you B, or is Brook OK, or does anyone ever call you Lynn?- x_*nfamous

I introduce myself to others as Brooklynn. People may get tired of writing it, so they write B or Brook or Lynn. Any is fine with me, really. Call me whatever you like! Lori gets to be called Dr. Sloth, so whatever floats your boat!

What's your favourite avatar and how do you get it?--swimlover1618

Oh, toughie. My favorite avatar is probably "A Day At The Beach." I got it by taking a Tiki-Tour, of course! xD

If you could meet anyone in the word, living or not, real or fictional, who would it be and why?

I'll have to go with two: Spider-Man, because he's the greatest hero out there and plus I'd like to hear some of his jokes, and also Bille Joe Armstrong from the band Green Day. He's such an inspiration to me, and I want to thank him for his music. How sappy is that?!

Don't you think the bass flute is so cool looking? -simbagirl_101

I actually have never seen a bass flute. But the name is so cool, I don't even think it matters if it even looks cool. Its name makes up for its appearance.

How unbelievably amazing are you? Oh wait, I can answer that one myself! But seriously, put that in.-- majordramaqueen349

On a scale from one to ten? I'm a fifteen xD

What's your favorite thing about yourself?

My mind, because no one else in the entire universe has it.

Do you really have good intentions?- melcome_the_cool_cat

Psh. What do you think?

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

The ability to fly. Airfare is way too expensive these days.

Have you ever had the post on a trombone go straight through your finger? -simbagirl_101

I can't say I have…

What is your favorite place in the world and why?

New York City, because it's really the greatest city out there, and Disney World, because there some guy is paid minimum wage to make dreams come true!

How do you feel about windows? -believed__

They're great for seeing through, but when there is a handprint on one I get REALLY ticked off. I have to bring out the windex and scrub them so clean that birds fly into them, just like the commercials.

If you could be any animal, what would it be?

I'd like to be a wolf. They're really noble and territorial. Plus they're cute, I think.

What are your favorite color for socks?- simbagirl_101

I'm gonna have to go with white. That way I don't look crazy wearing them with, say, shorts. Though people think I'm crazy already, so that doesn't make much of a difference.

What is your opinion on rainbow dung? -melcome_the_cool_cat

I wish it was real. It would make the world a better place.

How does your brother, the amazing and cool H-man, stand living with you and your uncoolness? -spirit_of_myths

How do we stand being guild members with you with your uncoolness? Oh no! I went there! No, actually, I'm cool. I'm cooler than cool. I'm like, the cooliest. I invented the word cool. No—I'm not cool. I'm ice cold.

Do you stick chocolate-covered ants in your nose?- x_psychoi

I can't say I have, although it's intriguing…hrm…

What's your favorite neopet?- cookiecrumbs226

Lupes, by far.

Sharks. Love or hate them?-cobolt_87

Does scared to death count?

What is your goal on Neopets? -luverbunnyz

My goal is to earn all my money back that I lost when my old account was frozen. That's around 5 mil. Let's see how that works out.

Paper or plastic? -goku_rox

Depends…are they recyclable?

If you were the last person on Earth, what would you do first? -dan_fan102

I'd go to New York City. Can you imagine that place with no one in it? That would be nuts!

What is your very favorite thing about n.a? -lagitane

I honestly love—and not to get corny here, folks—how close all the members are. I feel like I can confide in them, and they're my best friends.

How much does your brother annoy you?-- majordramaqueen349

Words can not even describe…

Well, that's it! My first publication in the guild newspaper. I hope you know more about me now, and I look forward to writing for you in the future! --Brooklynn (goodxintentions)


























Soapbox (Lydia)


Escape from the Rainbow Parade Part One

The darkness of his blackened world pulled Moby's senses into a confused ball of wool, where no matter how hard he tried, he could not find a loose end amongst the mess. His eyes wrinkled open, and with that, the rest of his senses flooded in. He was in a big, triangular room, filled with boxes, with silver walls and large, black pipes on the ceiling. There was the smell of machinery, and not too far away was a rhythmic 'thunk', 'thunk', 'thunk', intercepted with the occasional 'bonk'!A metal glint shone light into Moby's eye, and he turned to see a big metal crate reflecting his pudgy red appearance. He was a plushie gelert, with big, black eyes, a button nose and a round tummy with rose coloured stitching. He watched as the reflection twitched its nose, scratched a floppy ear...then a clattering behind him caught his attention.

A violet grundo with bulbous yellow eyes had hurried through the door across the room from Moby, wearing a black knit hat and heavy gloves. He was hunched over as he shuffled to three large vats, each emitting a thin waft of coloured smoke in red, yellow or blue. Pots of paint swung precariously over the vats on a string conveyor belt. The grundo reached up to pull some of these pots down, and after a moment's pause, began sloshing the paint into the vats.

Moby watched from around the edge of a box, as yellow paint mixed with blue paint, red paint flew through the air...and gases spewed out of the vats, emerald and aquamarine, gold and scarlet, ochre and olive, and peach and mauve. The grundo cast one last tub of paint into the concoction, then looked left, right, and snuck out the door he had entered in with.

Moby's eyes watered and his nose was filled with choking scents. Head swimming, he padded forwards, looking at the shaking vats with apprehension. An alarm buzzed frequently, red lights flashed, then-

BOOM! The vats exploded, and Moby's head shot between his front paws, eyes pressed tight shut. He waited for the paint to hit him, but when nothing happened, he opened a single eye, raising his head slightly.

Where the vats had been, a heavy fog lay in a pungent blanket, and a sign hung at a uneven angle, its message, Freaky Factory, just visible in its blacked state.

Moby took a step forwards, and another, until -

Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt! We are the Rain-" the low voice cut off, and through the smoke emerged a figure...


























The Buzz (Lydia)


The monthly update is here!

ITEMS

* There's something fishy with the new Jetsam Sea Captain Rain Slicker, Rain Hat, Jetsam Pretty Bonnet and Jetsam Head Laser! * The Bottled Scorchio Breath is finally deemed safe for use, but watch out for this fiery attack - it sure packs a punch!* If you can't get enough of your Queen Faerie, get your hands on the Fyora Bobblehead and Fyora Faerie Pencil.

* There's definitely something creepy about the Spyder Web Hammock, the Comfy Pumpkin Bean Bag, the Casket Table and the Candy Vampire Candle.

* Safety warning - don't let petpets near the new Pointy Claw Slippers!

* If you think you'd be good at predicting the future, get all the practise you need with the Fortune-Telling Crystal Ball.

* It's so much fun to eat baddies with the release of the Evil Genius Gummies!

* Show off your inner beauty with the Gauntlets of the Sun.

* Kikos have lots of choice this month - the Green Kiko Rug, Red Kiko Desk, Orange Kiko Sofa and Kiko Arm Chair.

* What does it do? What's inside it? Find out by buying your own Halloween Mystery Capsule!

* It would seem that backgrounds are still what's hot, so get your fill with the new Noevian Twilight, Inside a Jack-O-Lantern, Toy Shelf, Tasty Bakery, Halloween Shindig, Underwater, Cloudy Sky, Classroom and Creepy Cave Backgrounds.

* If you want to remember your sweet late petpet, try the gravestone: Here Lies Fluffy.

* Trick or Treat! The Appetising Caramel Apple is just that!

* The Faerie Smiley Treat is already a big hit with all the sweet-tooths out there!

* If you just love scary stories, you dont want to miss the new books - Zombie Legends, Zombie Handbook and Zombie Grave Book!

* How do you like your innards? The Brain Candy Mix, the Brain Stew, the Brains and Dumplings and Spaghetti and Brains are not for the faint hearted!

* The Korbats have had a market boom! Try the Korbat Aviator Trousers, Jacket, Helmet and Shirt, or the Gothic Korbat Shirt, Skirt, Wig and Nail Varnish! Or if you are a little more robotic, try the Robot Korbat Cranium Housing, Body Housing, Wing Housing and Tail Housing.

* The Korbat Tea Sandwiches and Korbat Veggie Plate make a delightful mid-morning snack!

* Don't be sucked in by the Orange, Cherry, Blueberry and Lime Whirlpool Candy. Read about them in the Whirlpool Colouring Book, Book of Clams, Maraquan Pop Up Book, and History of Whirlpools.

* Is it a bird? A plane? No - it's the new Cloud Shoyru Candy, Apple, Cereal, Mushroom, Pillow, Stump, Bouncy Ball, Charm and Yoyo!

* You're on fire! The new Fire Trumpet, Traingle, Saxophone and Accordion are set to make the crowds go wild!

* The release of the Hot Fruit Soup, the Chicken Dumpling Soup, the Beef and Veggie Soup and Chestnut Soup is just divine on a cold winter night!

* Not everything went smoothly on Bonfire Night this year, evidence lying with the Burnt Dummy, the Dead Bonfire, the Weak Bonfire and the Exploded Barrel.

* Get out your eye-liner, the new Gothic Tiara has been brought out!

* Hubert's been working extra hard this month to get the Gravy Hot Dog, Huberts's Special Hot Dog, Sausage Link Hot Dog, Hot Dog Mascot with Mustard, Hot Dog on a Stick, Hot Dog Petpet House, Hot Dog Petpet Mat, Hot Dog Squeeky Toy and Hot Dog Water Bowl to you in time for winter!

* Pteri Day bought us the release of Pteri Eggs in four new flavours - Chocolate Zeenana, Chocolate Tetraberry, Chocolate Cherry and Chocolate Banana!

COLOURS

* Symols can now be painted Darigan, Snow, Tyrannian and White at the Petpet Puddle.

* Halloween versions of Cobralls, Dandans, Eizzils and Hippalops have been sighted!

* The Bubblebee can be painted White, Blue, Green and Red.

* Slorgs can now be painted Darigan, Glowing, Invisible and Orange.

* Some Ghost Nimmos have been spotted hovering around the Rainbow Pool...

* My royal subjects! The Royal Pteri has just been released!

GAMES

* Ready To Roll

* Whirlpool

That's all for this mo- Hang on... what's this? N-news just in! There has recently been reported sightings of a new type of pet! A new paint brush known as 'Zombie' has been released!



























November 07 Articles




























Council Editorial (Lori)


Q: I'm a new member to the guild, and I've been peeking around the website. Can I do the activities right now, or should I wait until I'm older? --based on a real question
A: Absolutely! Do them right now! We encourage people to do activities- the guild covers a wide range of activities, and we have a committee specially designed to maintain these fantabulous activities, so please do participate in them!

Q: Okay, why do you delete members if they haven't been on for a week? --xxbrokenxxcrayonxx
A: We don't! :P We delete members if they haven't talked on the guild board for a month (Yes, we can track that!). This is to encourage people to be more active, and besides, we would rather have a guild of 40 active members rather than 300 members, 40 of which are active, right?

Q: Why are you so awesome? --xxbrokenxxcrayonxx
A: Why, don't you know? I take awesome pills each morning.

Q: Er...why do members post once, then leave? --xxbrokenxxcrayonxx
A: This can happen for one of two reasons:
a) They're stupid and haven't experienced the wonders of neo.anxious.
b) They believe the guild is not active enough.
c) They forget to post and I delete them. Okay so I lied, there are actually 3 reasons. :P

Q: Why do some of the members not post? --xxbrokenxxcrayonxx
A: Some of them have real life to deal with, and some of them just don't feel like posting.

Q: What's with you and cheez-its? I mean, really... --_xoxo_greenday_oxox_
A: What's with you and not liking cheez-its? I mean, really...who can resist baked cheese crackers in those cute square forms with sprinkles of salt? Yuuuuum!

 Q: Why do you, as the owner, think that members leave? --_xoxo_greenday_oxox_
A: There is one and only one answer I have to that: the guild is not active enough. We advertise that we're active- but we're not so much anymore! People who used to post 10x a minute are growing up and have school now, not setting an example for the younger ones. Imagine if we all posted at least half an hour a day- it'd be wonderful! But also, posting now seems like a chore, not a fun activity. Somebody really needs to take charge, be on as much as possible, and hopefully the whole guild will move to becoming more active. Other than that, I think there's no reason not to like neo.anxious. We have a beautiful website and newspaper, we're very well established, we have plenty of give-and-take activities, we have a lovely crew, and we're known for having some of the best graphics makers in Neopia!

Q: I hate science homework. Why is that? --xxbrokenxxcrayonxx
A: Science is amazing! Don't hate it! If you need any help with biology, I might be of some use - drop me a neomail. :D



























Crossword (Lori)


The answer to last month's crossword:

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And this month's puzzle: (it's our first black & white to black & white!)

-unavailable-


























Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


Dear Mr. Muggles,
Do you like holidays? I like holidays. My friend loved holidays until she got a lump of coal once. Then that was the end to her holiday-loving. Anyways what about you? You do like holidays right? I like Christmas and Halloween, but I don't like being scared. So I guess Halloween isn't really a good holiday for me, now is it? But I loved the candy. :) Candy, candy, candy. Once I got a pillowcase once, instead of candy, and my friend was all like "o_0???" but it was actually very nice. The fabric was nice and soft. I still have it too! :) I always dress up as the same thing every year. Saves Neopoints. Do you buy stuff from the NC Mall for Halloween? I heard they got some new items or something. I wonder why they opened a mall. Give a kid 10 dollars and send them to a dollar store and they'll have tons of fun. Plus it saves money. :)

Dear Sparkly,
Of course I love holidays! I mean holiday pay for my job is the BEST. Whoever came up with the idea of holiday pay is a GENIUS! My favourite holiday is Sloth Appreciation Day, er, I mean... Grundo Independence Day. Yeah, that's it. What is this Christmas and Halloween you speak of? Are you speaking of October 31st and December 25th? Those sound like these holidays you speak of but why would a holiday be called Halloween? I mean seriously, Hall-o-weeeeeeeen. It sound like a festival where they sell hot dogs. Living Shenkuu makes it hard to go to the NC Mall but yes, I go there sometimes. Some of the stuff there are actually okay.


























Guide (SM)


Sm's ACIII Guide The Altador Cup I and II are long over, but I've decided to write a guide over the cups half a year before the start of the ACIII. I'll cover how to win games, technique, and most importantly how to make millions. This guide will be based mostly on the ACII, since that is what you should expect the ACIII to be like. First off in yooyuball you want to go with a 2-2 formation. It is the easiest way to score. It doesn't matter which side you choose, unless you have a personal preference. I prefer to go right to left. To begin I'll show how to shoot with the fire yooyu. In the picture below, follow the light gray line and shoot on the dark gray line.


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Now we will learn how to score a goal with a Snow Yooyuball Some people say it's the hardest ball to score with because the ball is so slow. Here is a way that you will almost never miss with it.

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Now we will learn how to score with a Mutant Yooyuball. In reality, the mutant is completely random. Because of this, you should use it in the way you would use a fire, ice, or normal to increase your odds of being successful.

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The Faerie Yooyuball is probably the easiest ball to shoot with. Just run straight at the goalie then shoot. The ball goes around the goalie and in to score.

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The Altador Yooyuball is also simple to shoot with, use the same strategy you would use with a fire or ice ball.

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To me the Darigan Yooyuball is the hardest to shoot with, it can be done consistently though. My favorite strategy is to go straight, run parallel to the white line, aim for the red square you see in the picture below, and shoot. Goes in 50% of the time, which is pretty good if you can play defense.

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Finally, we have the Robot Yooyuball. This is another easy ball to shoot with if you know what you're doing. Get the ball, run down field, and shoot into the goal. If you're quick enough, it won't explode on you. If you are going for high scores like 9-0 or higher, this should be how fast you are scoring anyway.

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Now that you know the basics of how to shoot, you should be able to win every game. Now I'll teach you how to make millions off the Altador Cup. You need to have two key attributes: stamina and determination. After your first 100 games, it gets very boring. My advice is to play some music or talk to a friend while you're racking up wins and set daily goals for yourself. Aim for 50 or even 100 wins per day. Normally, if my team was playing against an easy team like Virtupets, I would only get 30 wins or so, however if we had a tough game like Darigan, I'd aim for over 100. Now in the ACII there were 30 games, and 4 rounds of a championship, 34 days in total. If you played 60 games each day, you would have over 2000 wins, which is more than enough to have gotten the top prize (worth over 7 million currently). The prizes also sky rocket from inflation, so if you if you spent three hours a day playing the altador cup, you could make over 10 million neopoints if you save your prize. This is one of the most practical get rich schemes there is, as all you need is dedication to make millions, anyone can do it.

Now then, no matter what team you choose, you can make millions, (this year even 500 wins would have made you over 1 million, which would take a measly 15 wins each day). Next year with inflation continuing to affect the Neopian economy, you can expect prizes to be as good or even better. You may be wondering which team to choose next year, and this is very important. When your team loses you don't feel like playing, and this makes things much harder, the reverse is true when your team is winning. Plus, you get a nice shiny trophy if your team finishes in the top three. There are some favorites for next year, so I'll talk about the top eight.

Darigan finished second in the ACI and first in the ACII. They are known as the very best team, and have the largest fan base with many dedicated supporters. After what happened to the haunted woods last year many expect them to not finish in the top four next year, while others expect them to repeat. Only time will tell though.

Roo Island finished fourth in the ACI and second in the ACII. They have one of the nicest fan bases and are well known for puns. They are the favorites to win the ACIII. The question becomes, "Will they live up to expectations?"

Shenkuu first appeared in the ACII, and finished third. Some think that they deserved first, and had the greatest comeback of all time. After losing quite a few games and being a distant 7th place at the end of 15 games, Shenkuu went on an unparalleled winning streak to defeat every team in the ACII and make it to the finals. There they faced off against Krawk Island and won, taking the bronze. Shenkuu is commonly connected to Asian culture, and are known as the ninjas. Many believe they could go to the championship next July.

Krawk Island finished third in the ACI and fourth in the ACII. They were first place for a while; then collapsed at the end of their season, finishing fourth to Shenkuu and walking away with a mere runner up medal like 12 other teams. Krawk fans were severely disappointed, and as a result KI could be a very weak team next year. Still for most of the ACII they were favorites to go to the championship, so they may, nonetheless, be a force to be reckoned with.

Lost Desert finished fifth in the ACI and fifth in the ACII. They were fourth after 15 games, but were bumped down to fifth after Shenkuu's amazing run. The Lost Desert nearly passed Krawk Island, but came up a point short. Most people expect them to be in the top four next year.

Mystery Island finished sixth in both the ACI and ACII, however they have been known to cause upsets, and were once the strongest team in the Altador Cup. This is the team I personally choose each year, as they are one of my favorite places and favorite teams. Of course I'm biased here, but I feel that MI will be very strong next season.

Haunted Woods won the first Altador Cup and finished seventh in the ACII. Once a very good team, they lost their fan base due to confusion. The HW strategy was to avoid freeloaders, not knowing popularity made teams the strongest. This caused a very weak 07 team. They may get worse or better, but they will always be remembered as the original Altador Cup champs.

Kreludor finished ninth in the ACI and didn't play in the ACII. Why are they in the top eight you ask? Although they lost to HW, they were very close to beating them, after losing they created the Haunted Moon Alliance. Kreludor strengthened HW and was a huge factor in them winning the championship. After all this time their chat group KFC is still around. As a new team they will get new members, and if they do return in the ACIII, they will have a legitimate chance of going to the championship.

Now in the ACIII, I feel we should all decide to join the same team. We could make a guild poll to vote on it a month in advance. If everyone can get at least 15 wins each day, not only will we all make a lot of neopoints, we will also make a huge difference in our chosen team. By choosing a team from this top eight, and everyone in the guild playing for them, we could no doubt take the cup by storm and win the championship. Good luck to all those choosing to participate in the third annual Altador Cup.


























Guide (Lydia)


A Guide to Contests

Part One

When people ask me about my most successful achievement in Neopets, they rarely seem to think of it as something anyone can do. "I can't do poetry," is often the response. But with so many contests open to you, there is really no excuse. There is really something for everyone.

This series begins with a summary of contests in general, and then goes on to look at some of the contests in more detail.

Contest Summaries

Poetry Contest: A contest close to my own heart, this competition means poetry has never been easier! Enter any style, any Neopian topic, and stand a chance of winning the weekly contest.

Story Telling: This is where the staff of TNT tell the opening to a story, and each day, players enter the next part. This means that a story is built up over the weeks by several different winners.

Art Gallery: This place is really the cream of the crop - fan pictures of anything Neo-related are shown here. This is a really competitive contest - with some outstanding entries and spectacular winners.

Mystery Pic: A tough challenge of identification skills, this competition involves a severely magnified picture of picture off the site somewhere. Players have to guess what it is, and everyone who guesses correctly is a winner.

Lenny Conundrum: Logic and reason is the name of the game! Each week, the super-clever red lenny will set a riddle for players to try to solve. These are usually mind-bendingly difficult, but every correct answer is a winner.

Better Than You: Every Thursday, someone who is particularly good at a game will be put up, with their score. Your task? Beat it. Easy as that…

Caption Contest: A picture is displayed, and players have to think of a witty, amusing caption that could go with it. The best are picked, and other players vote for the best.

Adventure Spotlight: Love to make Neopian Adventures on the adventure generator? Think yours is one of the best? Enter it into this comp then! (If you have never made an adventure, type Adventure Generator into the game search bar, and you'll get full instructions).

Petpet Spotlight: One of your precious petpets can become a star! All you have to do is write a short story about your petpet (such as how you came to acquire it), and the best ones are picked weekly. You can also include a picture.

Neohome Spotlight: Got an awesome neohome? That's all you need! If your pad is flash and unique, submit it, along with a short description of the house to TNT, and stand a chance of winning! Simple!

Random contest: This can be absolutely anything! Making something, writing something, baking something, saying something… this contest changes every week!

Userlookup spotlight: Again, does what it says on the tin.

Five reasons you should enter a contest - and win!

• Most contests reward neopoints and rare items - which you can either use or sell on to make big bucks!

• Seeing your work on the site for thousands of people to see is a great feeling.

• People may send you appreciative neomails about your work, and may even start to recognize you as a Neopian talent!

• You get a great trophy for each contest you win!


























Lori Conundrum (Lori)


The answer to last month's puzzle (congrats to those who got it right!)

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And this month's puzzle (it's a day late but oh well):

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Rant & Rave (Sammi)


Whoo hoo! Very first newspaper article! This month's rant and rave features specific parts of Avatar Lending. The problems, hassles, and rewards that come with searching for that one avatar you have to have. Today's issue focuses mainly on Lori, because of her highly manipulative skills. "Sammi, go do ___________ for me and I'll get you ZDAP / Number 6 / FQD." Next issue will be a bit more focused.

Rave: Number Six

I thought that before I started into the Rant about FQD, I'd emphasize the benefits of having friends with "connections". After working hard for about 1 week on my grammar, (which, if you know me, was a difficult task to accomplish) I finally earned the Number Six avatar. It's one of my favourites and I use it often on the boards. The best part of the Number Six avatar is the "in your face-ness" that comes along with it. This is the rare occasion where I would actually thank Lori for something. The Number Six avatar is definitely one of my prized avatars and can't wait to get a font to match it (hint hint). But if you are looking to get Number Six yourself, good luck. You need over 11 million neopoints!

Rant: FQD

Alright. This particular avatar has caused me many problems. I have yet to get it because of a certain somebody. So I went to the A/C to look for lenders. Of course, there were a few, but either they had so many people at their boards already, or they're looking for some ridiculous amount of collateral. And my personal favorite "ETS ITEMS ONLY." Like some sort of coded message you are supposed to understand. Having no "easy to sell" items only, and only having pure, not many people were interested in lending to me. So my search for FQD has ended, hoping that Lori eventually finds it for me. Eventually.


























Soapbox (Lori)


Exclusive interview with Sammi (cobolt_87)! Read this interview and get to know your Sammi a LOT better! :D

Lori says:
What's your favourite thing in the world?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Cars.
Lori says:
What's your favourite non-item thing in the world?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Laughter.
Lori says:
Who's someone you can't live without?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Just one person?
Lori says:
Yes.
Lori says:
Besides you. :P
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Like just a friend, or a specific person you would know...
Lori says:
Anyone that's in your life.
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Ansley - My friend from pre-school
Lori says:
Okay...
1. If you could have 1000 diamond necklaces or one car, which would you choose?
2. If you have to choose between laughter or $1 million in hard cash, (meaning if you pick the million you could never laugh again), which would you choose?
3. If you had to choose between never seeing Ansley again and given $5 million in cash, or to see Ansley and be given nothing, which would you choose?
Lori says:
Oh yeah, here's my other question: If you were given one magical/supernatural ability, what would it be and why?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Oh, Mrs. Incredible's power
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
...if that answers the question
Lori says:
Stretching?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Yeah!
Lori says:
Haha.
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
I'm lazy and don't want to move a lot!
Lori says:
I'd want to stop time/rewind it, like in Click.
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
If you could have 1000 diamond necklaces or one car, which would you choose?
-x-
If i get to choose the car, then the car.
Lori says:
Interesting. Even if the necklaces were worth more?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
If you have to choose between laughter or $1 million in hard cash, (meaning if you pick the million you could never laugh again), which would you choose?
-x-
Laughter! I laugh all the time! And I love to make people laugh! It's priceless!
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Oh, and yep.
Lori says:
and last?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
If you had to choose between never seeing Ansley again given $5 million in cash, or to see Ansley and be given nothing, which would you choose?
-x-
Ansley - Durr! Bestest friend ever and costs way more then $5 million :D
Lori says:
Okay.
Lori says:
Either you're a really good person, or you're just acting it. :P
Lori says:
If you could change the public's opinion at any one time in history or in the future, what would it be and why?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Uhh, not sure if it changes their "opinion" but I'd go back to 9/11 and warn the public...
Lori says:
Hmm.
Lori says:
I'd either go to medieval times and stop the religious persecutions, or change the Supreme Court's judgement of the 2000 elections
Lori says:
Although the second one seems petty compared to what you're doing.
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Yay?
Lori says:
It was a rhetorical statement...
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Oh.
Lori says:
What is your preferred career?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Radio Talk Dude and/or DJ
Lori says:
If you were given the chance to live forever, would you take it?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Oh wow....
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
No, all my friends and family would die, and eventually I'd be left with nothing.
Lori says:
You could probably reach all your life goals.
Lori says:
But i wouldn't either, imagine if i got run over by a truck and still wasn't able to die!
Lori says:
And, if you were given the ability to read people's minds, would you take it?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
Heck yes! If i could tune it out if I wanted...I'd like to know who my true friends are.
Lori says:
What if you found out you had to true friends? What would you do?
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
I'm assuming you ment to type "no true friends".
Lori says:
Yeah
Lori says:
I'm assuming you meant I'm and meant.
Lori says:
:P
Sammi - cobolt_87 says:
And thats very unlikely...I know I have some true friends...but if I had no friends, I guess I would keep looking until I found one...I guess.


























Soapbox (Lydia)


SNATCHES OF POETRY

The Ghosts of the Rainbow Pool

A swish of gold, a flash of stars,
A band of travellers from afar,
Painting pets with brushes bright,
All different colours, dark and light.

The brushes hold a magic bold,
To paint the pets as they are told,
But some magic gets away,
And flows into the dimming day.

The night falls, the travellers leave,
The trees breathe a gentle breeze,
The magic left from just that day,
Peeks it's glowing head out to play.

It forms an outline, glowing light,
Of stars and jewels, the magic bright,
Shows pets of colours, never seen,
To ordinary people keen.

They dance and jest throughout the dark,
They sing and play and laugh and lark,
Until the stars begin to die,
And then the spirits fade and sigh.

A swish of gold, a flash of stars,
A band of travellers from afar,
Will never know of pets bejeweled,
The bright ghosts of the rainbow pool.

Kougra

I stopped in the sunlight, and raising my face,
Smiled in the crag of this extraodinary place,
Alone in the desert, but not a fear,
Because I can sense that the creature is near.

I continue my venture, into the sands,
The golden blanket flowing in strands,
Around one more corner, and finally, I'm here!
I struggle to contain an excited cheer.

A golden pelt of a wild creature's back,
A twitch of a whisker, a deep eye of black,
The kougra is looking, he's looking at me
I stare back, my smile potraying my glee.

Approaching with caution, but he shows no fright,
I lay my hand on his gold pelt with delight,
And with a supporting nudge from his nose,
I jump on his back and away we do go

Just me and the kougra and the sun above me,
We gallop, he gallops, we gallop all three,
Until it is late and the sun wavers low,
And he stops, I jump off, and away he goes.

I will always remember the sunny day dash,
Though it came, and went, and passed in a flash,
But if one thing's remembered, sprinting that track,
It'll be the gold pelt of a wild kougra's back.

Error 404

Oops! This page does not exist!
Darn! You bunch of hypocrites
I'll sit, and stare, and shake my fist,
I know that it does so!

Don't get them started on the pound,
Just how long has it been down?!
Then they'll through their weight around,
Can't they live without..?

There's a glitch, or is it me?
Hurry up, now, TNT!
It's a pain, can't you see?
They're doing their best!

These people complain every day,
Bout things they see, or others say,
Next time you see them moan again,
Send them to the fusser's help page...

Error 404! This page does not exist!

Please don't take any of these poems and claim them as your own - they have all been entered into the Poetry Contest and I'm awaiting replies for each! Thanks!


























The Buzz (Lydia)


More items, more games, more pet colours. Here's the lowdown.

ITEMS

* Cheers! The new book - 101 Beverage Recipes - is just the thing to teach your pet how to make some of the best juices around!
* If you're big into your flaky pastry, try one of the four new pasties, in Cheese Onion_ Corn, Ham and Cheese, and Meatball flavours.
* How cute are these new plushies: Brown Draik, Faerie Draik, Ghost Draik and Halloween Draik.
* Hurrah for the Altador Cup! The new collectors' items include the Angry Techo Garden Gnome, the Angry Techo Plushie, the Clockwork and Darigan Yooyus, the Make Some Noise Noisemaker, Slushie Slinging For Novices and the Yooyu Celebration Stamp.
* The Pirate Draik Gold Earring, Hat, Eye Patch, Hook and Jacket are now available for your fetching young flier.
* If your draik is more of a bow and arrow sort of pet, then try the Draik Archer Quiver, Boots, Pants, Tunic and Hat. * On with the same theme, if you aren't lucky enough to own a draik, you can still enjoy the fun with the White, Dark, Milk and Mint Chocolate Draiks. Mmmm!
* Plushie acaras are made to feel special this month with the Plushie Acara Blue Lipstick, Lasso, Pillow, Plant, Scissors and Thermos. They even have their own book - All About Plushie Acaras.
* TNT have gone background crazy this month! Here's the list: The Black Pawkeet Background, Neogarden Background, Dung Cave Background, Tyrannian Concert Hall Background, Grassy Meadow Background, Cheese Shop Background, Gormball Field Background, Ice Caves Background, Underwater Fishing Background, Game Room Background, Moon and Stars Background, Neohome Background, Tyrannian Volcano Lair Background, Spooky Pumpkin Patch, Guarding the Gates and Phantom of the Background. Phew!
* Love a bit of style in your life? Try the new Flower Purse, Purse of Despair, Pink Knit Purse or the Stylish Red Purse!
* Techos have all sorts of items to think about this month, with the release of the Disco Techo Ring, Glasses and Groovy Disco Techo Beads. There's also the Clockwork Techo, the Techo Torch, Plastic Techo Figures, Techo fighting Robe, Techo Fancy Dress, and Shipwrecked Techo Sandals, Shorts, Kelp and Hat.
* More cup merchandise! The Scorchio Referee Bobblehead and Layton Vickles Action Figure will keep you entertained, whilst the Angry Techo Fist and Sore Throat Remedies are great for all those noise makers out there!
* If you're getting into the spooky spirit, the Halloween Poogle Costume, Mask, Shoes and Tail Cover are the things for you.
* Protect yourself in battle with the new Regulation Meridellian Superpack, Chainmail, Helmet, Lowers, Lance and Shield.
* Feeling deserted? Try the Desert Draik Collar, Headdress, Wrap, Sandals and Tail Ring. If you're a krawk fan, try the Desert Krawk Armband, Headdress, Wrap, Staff and Tail Band.
* Hurrah! The Lost Desert Petpet Paint Brush has finally arrived!
* Doll up your skeith this winter with the Skeith Bib, Ice Cream Shorts, Cutlery, Sandals, and the fabulous Curly Blonde Skeith Wig.
* Lotions and potions! Hurray for the new Eyrie Morphing Potions in Cloud, Pink, Skunk and Spotted.
* The release of the Brown Winter Scarf and Hat will keep your pets snug on cold Autumn nights.
* Robotic birds? Whatever next! If it sounds like a good idea to you, test drive the new Robot Eyrie Cranium Housing, Body Housing, Wing Housing and Tail Housing.
* The Halloween Bori Bone Claws, Shell Bones and Skull Mask will be a wicked fright on the spookiest day of the year!
* If your korbat needs a new look, try the new Korbat Morphing Potions in Striped, Baby, Halloween and Spotted!
* Oh la la! The Faerie Queen Perfume is just divine!

COLOURS

* Ghostly petpets are all the rage with the Ghost Babith, Carmariller, Snorkle and Urgoni.
* The Spyder, Harris, Snorkle and Babaa can be painted with the new Lost Desert Petpet Paint Brush.
* Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No...it's the new Faerie Catamara, Geb, Crabula and Eizzil!
* Jetsams can now be painted Glowing and Faerie at the Rainbow Pool!
* It has been reported that boris have been seen in Halloween and Checkered.
* If you own an eyrie, you can now turn them into a Faerie or Robot.
* Grarrls are now available in Sketch and Speckled.

GAMES

* Bullseye II - Great if you also like Meerca Chase II, Whack-A-Kass, Turmac Roll and Hasee Bounce!
* Mop 'n' Bop - Great if you also like Crisis Courier, Chia Bomber II, Escape from Meridell Castle and Dubloon Disaster!
* Qasalam Expellibox - Great if you also like The Wheel of Excitement, Cocunut Shy, Brucey B Slots and Pawkeet Slots!
* The Search for Princess Lunara - Great if you also like The Castle of Eliv Thade, Lenny Conundrum and Defender Trainer!


























October 07 Articles




























Council Editorial (Lori)


Q: When do we hold elections? --jurassic_park_13
A: I'm thinking sometime this month.

Q: Can I be on council? --m3rcuri
A: Didn't I answer that question before? -whacks you-

Q: Can I be on council? --lagitane
A: -glares-

Q: What is the meaning of life? --m3rcuri
A: Guild related, please. Also, see our Soapbox article for a philosophical conversation.

Q: What is the meaning of a guild-related life? --m3rcuri
A: -superglare-

Q: Will there ever be a limit to how big the guild will get? In terms of the number of members. --m3rcuri
A: I do not plan on having a limit: the more the merrier! :D

Q: Why are you giving up leadership? --1schmidt
A: I feel that there is someone who can do a better job than I.

Q: What is pp? --1schmidt
A: Participation points. Check the PP FAQ on the website for more info!

Q: Who is SM, and why is he so cool that he has his own fan club? --1schmidt
A: SM is a member of the activities committee, and why is he so dorky to have his own fan club is what you mean. ;)

Q: What is communism? --1schmidt
A: There are a couple different definitions of communism, but it is a government in which.. the government controls all aspects of life.

Q: Why am I forced to eat cheez-its? --1schmidt
A: It's all part of the plan to plump you up to be Sloth's dinner! Muahahaha!

Q: What is the function of rainbow dung? --1schmidt
A: To be worshipped, of course!

Q: Why is the guild named neo.anxious? --1schmidt
A: Wasn't that a question already? You answer my question, I answer yours.

;D


























Crossword (Lori)


The answer to last month's puzzle:

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And this month's (featuring your favorite colors, black and white!):

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Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


Dear Mr. Muggles,
Life sucks. Did you know that?

Dear Sparkly,
If you mean me having to move to Shenkuu where they have poisonous food, having to take HOURS to get to work everyday, having my petpet FLEE from me, and then go in an experiment and get zapped checkered, then yes, I know life stinks. I mean CHECKERED? Now I look like a doofus. People ask me if they can play Chess on me. SERIOUSLY! Do they not know I'm part of Sloth's evil army and that we have a Superior Battle Plunger? Errr... I mean... that I'm... I'm part of the... the Kadoatery. Yeah that's it. I won't give them a trophy when they finally feed one. So ha! But anyways, now I'm going to ask some person called Christine or something like that if they want Shark Fin Soup.


























Fontastical (Mia)


Pirate lover? Here is a font to match.

NeoHTML: [center][fonts=1c=#71201F]neoHTML[/font][br][fonts=2c=#D2CA7E][i]a [/i][b]piratεა[/b][i] liƒε[/i][/font][/center][

NeoSignature: ][center][fonts=2c=black][i]ƒor[/i] [u]mε[/u][/font][br][fonts=1c=#58823F]name here[/font][/center]

I know, royalty is such a pain.

NeoHTML: [center][fontf=verdanas=1c=#EF5FB2]neoHTML[/font][br][fontf=wingdingss=2c=#AE6CEA]—–[/font][/center][

NeoSignature: ][center][fonts=1f=verdanac=#7298F4]O H E M [/font][fonts=1f=verdanac=#8CCCF8]G E E ![/font][/center]



























Gallery (Christine)


Rainbow Dung:



Electric Feces:



Holy S***! Pardon my French :P



























Guide (SM)


For this edition of the newspaper I have decided to finally release my conclusion to my battledome guide series. I will put everything together, and come up with a set for every budget. You may need to tweak it some to fit your style, but I hope to at least set up a guideline. Without further ado, here are my sets:

Newbie set:

This set is designed around paying nearly nothing, and still winning. I don't incorporate some weapons such as freezers to keep it cheap and tactical.

Scarab Ring
Thief Dagger
Bone Sceptre
Obsidian Dagger
Sticky Snowball
Sticky Snowball
Illusens Earth Potion
Slime Potion
For a price of less than 10,000 np you get a wide range of decent weapons, good icon variety, bombs, and a 10 hp healer. You will outgrow this set quickly as you progress in your battledome career, but it is nice as a start and introduction to the battledome.

Buyable Set:

My next set will be a little more tactical, but will cost less than 100k. Some weapons will remain the same, but there will be upgrades to others. Scarab Ring
Thief Dagger
Earth Faerie Slingshot
17-Pound Trout
Sticky Snowball
Sticky Snowball
Snowglobe Staff
Blue Scorchstone

The scarab ring and thief dagger and dual duties at incredible values, and as a result I decided to keep them in this set. However, I made key upgrades to my main attackers, both of which can do up to 9 icons, which is a nice improvement. The sticky snowballs still do more damage than any of my other weapons here, so keeping them made sense. Finally, I upgraded to a 30 hp healer, and brought in a good 20% freezer.

500k set:

Once you've trained your pet some and have at least 35 boost strength, you may want to invest more into your set. With 500k you can have much more tactical freedom, and get some really great weapons.

Stone Club
Golden Compass
Essence of Esophagor
Jittery Jipple Potion
Greater Healing Scroll
Snowglobe staff
Downsize!
Shooting Star Muffin

This is a very strong set that can win you a lot of matches if used correctly. First you have 3 strong 9 iconers with varied icons. Your opponent won't know what to block, giving you a key advantage. Next we have the JJP, which if used again a pet with above average or higher intelligence, can do 10 icons of damage of dark and air. You then have a 50 hp healer and our 20% freezer. Finishing up the set is downsize! which can cut an opponent's attack in half once per battle and our one use 15 icon shooting star muffin.

5 mil set:

Here we are increasing our set price by a lot. The reason being is that your 500k set will be very useful for a long time, and you won't need an upgrade for a while. Here there are a lot of ways you can build a set, but I will define one that I feel will help you.

Ramtor's Spellbook
Golden Compass
Scuzzys comb
Portable Kiln
Greater Healing Scroll
Down Size!
Black Frost Cannon
Honey Potion

Depending on the time, this set could be under five million, or a little over five million, but generally it will average out to that price. This is a very solid set, giving you for strong weapons, a 9 icon dual duty, two 10 iconers that get through burrow, and an 11 iconer that completely gets through the ghostkershield. You still have a good healer, an improved freezer, and downsize! Finally to top it all of you have your first real bomb, a honey potion that can do 13-16 icons of damage. It's best to use when your opponent is frozen.

To my knowledge no one in the guild has much more than that, so I won't go into more advanced sets like the SoS and PCC, although I may explain high level battling in a guide some day. To finish up this one, I will show my dream set, and explain why I would use it.

Dream set:
Glittery Faerie Dust
Super Attack Pea
Wand of Dark Faerie
Illusens Staff
Faerie Slingshot
Leaded elemental vial
Moehog Skull
Thyoras Tear

With a set like this you would hardly ever lose. First the super attack pea does 32 icons, the most of any weapon, giving me a strong advantage. Then combining the wand of dark faerie with illusens staff creates an unbeatable defense with an incredible offence. The faerie Slingshot is a fun weapon to use if you're feeling lucky; it can do up to 55 icons 33% of the time. Then the glittery faerie dust does 15 of a random icon, so it's good to catch an opponent off guard. The led and t-tear fully heal and fully block all icons respectively. And finally the moehog skull is a once per battle weapon that does 15 icons of damage blocks 5 and earth and 5 dark, and on top of that is a 100% freezer. As you can see, anyone with a set like this would be unstoppable, as a result it would cost will over 1 billion neopoints, so don't expect to see many people with a set rivaling this one.

To end, thanks for reading my final guide to the battledome. Hopefully this gave you additional insight on the battledome, and will help you whether you are a newbie or veteran to the dome. If you have a suggestion for my next guide feel free to neomail me and thanks for reading.


























Lori Conundrum (Lori)


The answer to last month's conundrum:

(click and drag)
width='100'

And this month's conundrum:

(click and drag)
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Shopping Bazaar (SM)


For this week's shopping bazaar, I decided to do a brief synopsis of a few popular shops.

The Magic Shop:

Stock various types of rare morphing potions. Recommended for intermediate or expert restockers only. You should carry at least 50-75k , but to be safe, I suggest 300k.

BUY: MPs, Kauvaras Potion, Flaming Torch, Magic Potion, Jar of Eyeballs, Firestorm Bottle, Zap Bottle, Starburst Bottle, Downpour Bottle, ALL NOVAS, AND NOVA THINGS, and SEVERAL (a LOT) others. Pretty much anything that stocks for over 10k, and is 1 in stock. (NOTE: NOT Slippery Floor Potion).

Battle Magic:

BM is a lot of times crowded. However, it is probably the shop that stocks the most unbuyables. Things stock for a lot, so i would recommend 120k, but to be very safe, 300k.

BUY: This is one of the hardest shops to know what to restock at. Sorry, I can't help you much. Just keep checking with things on the shop wiz, and you'll get used to it. Some given stuff, is all nova things (not "dark nova"), and dark battle duck.

Meridell Foods:

The only big thing I know of, and the only items that make meri foods a good place to restock, are draik eggs. Draik eggs stock for around 100k-150k, so you'll need that much. You can sell them for millions though.

BUY: As I said, Draik Eggs. There are a few other things, but I don't know them, and neither do many other people.

Thanks for reading and good luck restocking.


























Soapbox (Lydia)


The Real Balthazar (Part Two)

Bally stood rooted to the spot. Thoughts flickered in his mind that Cosmos had finally lost it, but he was forced to think about the old gelert, who had begun to stir.

Cosmos?" he asked tentatively, as the old man got to his feet. Bally watched him yawn with growing confusion. The scientist looked round and smiled.

Hello, my boy. I apologize. I must have dozed off there. Better get back to the party, eh?" Bally just stared.

But... what - what about what you just said, about the faeries?" he stuttered. Cosmos raised an eyebrow.

What about any faeries? I never said anything about any faeries." And with that, he moved off - leaving Bally on his own, nonplussed.

After a few moments, the lupe shrugged and set off towards his friends. The scientist must have had too much nettle-mead. Just as he got back to the stage where the Arctic Monkeys were playing, he heard his name being called. He turned, the voice coming from the wood. His eyes lit up as he saw Zephyr, her white fur gleaming, beckoning him towards her.

Without a second thought, Bally ran towards her, and when he was a few meters away from her, she turned and rushed away. Frustrated, Bally gave chase - but history repeated itself - as soon as he got near her, she ran on with startling speed. Three times, four times, and all the while bally wasn't sure why it was he was followin her so persistantly... until he stumbled into an openning, the trees giving way to a circle of long, dense grass.

Night had fallen and the moon cast a glowing light upon the glade from its pale throne in the darkest kingdom, and more light seemed to radiate from Zephyr, who sat peering at him from in the middle of the openning. Many people have experienced the lurch in the pit of your stomach when you realise that something about you is wrong. Something has moved, gone, changed... Bally looked closely. The light that shone from Zephyr was like the moon itself, glowing, almost pulsing in white gleams. She was always radiant, but unnaturally so? And her eyes, a beautifully rich brown colour... although she looked straight at Bally, her gaze never seemed to reach his. It was as if no-one was behind them..

On this very thought, Zephyr seemed to burst into a thousand glowing crystals, Bally yelled, and the crystals flew towards him like a magnet and clutched his fur. He shouted and tried to dislodge them, as he realised that crystals they weren't - but faeries - hundreds of faeries, all shrieking wildly. He fought for several moments, but was eventually pinned against a tree, the tiny creatures holding him still.

Panic-ridden, Bally saw a ball of green light descend into the glade. It slowly took form, a woman with emerald hair and clothing, leaf-like wings and bud-coloured skin. Her lips curled into a slighty menacing smile.

My faeries, you have done an excellent job. Release him, he shall not be going anywhere." Bally was dropped and he stood quaking before the faerie.

I have cast a spell on you," she stated matter-of-factly. "Why? Let's just say you are the first part of the plan. But we have seen you, staring lovingly at that cybunny creature. We have power, importance and magic, but that is what we lack - love. For you see, we are an entirely female species, so there is no love, and what is more, we are immortal. Ever-lasting, without the purity and innocence of love. can you imagine such a thing, boy? Of course not. You live in a world so very different from ours. But alas, no longer.

You see, the spell means you are nothing but a living shadow! No mortal can see you. You'll only ever be a movement out of the corner of someone's eye, a figment of imagination. No more love for you." Her -disallowed_word-Lydia)
How does TNT do it? Many more items, games and colours out this month - here's the lowdown:

Items
*First up this month, smells fishy with the new flotsam plushies available - pirate, grey, island and faerie. Get them from the plushie palace!

* The Flotsam Snowberry Lollypop, the Rainbow Flotsam Lollypop, the Strawberry Flotsam Lollypop and the Blueberry Flotsam Lollypop are sure to be a welcomed treat for pets with a sweet tooth - now available from the chocolate factory.

* The Usukicon Y9 Gift Bag was released to celebrate the special day this year, and players can buy the bag or the items directly - which are the Usukicon Y9 Keyring, Usukicon Y9 Guide, Usukicon Y9 Comic Sampler and the Usukicon Y9 Hard Candy. All you could want from a little pink bag!

* Players lucky enough to have a grundo will be able to take a trip to the moon with these new clothes! The Grundo Space Belt, space jacket, space goggles and space shoes were released just in time for the Grundo Independance Day! If you suffer space sickness, maybe the Grundo Antennae Straps or the Grundo Sloth Sock Puppet will be more suited for you.

* There are more backgrounds ready for your pet to stand in front of this month. The Hidden Tower, Shenkuu River and Lost Desert Oasis backgrounds will make any pet stand out!

* The release of the Yurble Transmogrification Potion has caused quite a stir - trade posters putting it in at just under a million neopoints - does your yurble mean that much to you?

* More potions! If you trust these weird concoctions, then the Skunk Kyrii Morphing Potion, Rainbow Kyrii Morphing Potion, White Kyrii Morphing Potion and the Halloween Kyrii Morphing Potion will definately be on the wish lists of owners of these cheeky little pets!

* If your pet is a bit weary of these odd-smelling items, then try a safe plushie - now Brown, Desert, Pink and White Kyrii plushies.

* Tuskaninnies are getting in the festive mood early this year - with the Christmas Tuskaninny Festive Gloves, Christmas Tuskaninny Festive Hat, Christmas Tuskaninny Scarf and Christmas Tuskaninny Tail Adornment. Also, the ogrin is sneaking in with the Christmas Ogrin Tail Decoration.

* If you are looking forward to spookiest night of the year, what better way to prepare than the new Halloween Jetsam Flipper Cover, Halloween Tuskaninny Imp Cloak and Halloween Tuskaninny Imp Hood!

* The Lost Desert Uni Golden Earring has been released to give your painted pony a whole new style of its own!

* Har matey! Ye olde tuskaninny lovers will be going crazy over the Pirate Tuskaninny Skull Bandana, Anchor Tattoo and Swashbuckling Shirt! Don't they just shiver yer timbers

* The Robot Koi Dorsal Fin Housing, Robot Tuskaninny Body Housing, Robot Tuskaninny Cranium Housing, Robot Tuskaninny Tail Housing and Robot Zafara Cranium Housing are pushing all the right buttons with machine-like pets.

* Grundos are getting the royal treatment these days, with the Royal Boy Grundo Boots, Collar, Crown, Gloves, Jacket and Pants! Young princesses also have the Royal Girl Grundo Collar, Dress and Moonstone Crown.

* Other royal items released this month include the Royal Girl Acara Gown, Royal Girl Bruce Crown, Royal Girl Korbat Toga, and Royal Girl Scorchio Hat.

* Kougras are feeling the cold this month with the Snow Kougra Tail Decoration.

* The Desert Meerca Cloak, Desert Meerca Golden Collar, Desert Meerca Golden Tail Ring, Desert Meerca Headdress and Desert Meerca Ornate Scepter are just in time for Meerca day - so get dressing up!

* Those who are fed up of just wearing clothes will love the new Edible Smelly Gym Socks, edible Orange Socks, Edible Purple Socks and Edible Argyle Socks - yum!

* How do they get plushies so life-like? The new Lost Isle Usuki Set, Lilian Fairweather Usuki Doll, Captain Rourke Usuki Doll and Roxton A. Colchester III Usuki Doll are fantastic for those following the Lost Isle Plot.

* Kyriis have even more to choose from! Kyrii Mage Robe, Cape, bracers, sandals and circlet have been released along with the Kyrii I Hate Apples Sign, Playing Cards and Shooting Star Barrette.

* Things are hotting up in Neopia with the release of the Chicken Curry, Dried Chilli Peppers, Chilli Chia Hot Sauce and Carnapepper Jelly! If you can't get enough of spicy items, try the neohome furniture - The Chilli Bouquet, Chilli Table, Chilli Bath Mat and Chilli Bath Tub.

* Hot learners wont want to start the new school term without the Pepper Chia Eraser, Pepper Chia Notebook, Pepper Chia Pen and Pepper Chia Pencil Box.

* Minions will be eager for the great new darigan toys - Vinyl Darigan Mynci Toy, Techo Toy and Draik Toy!

* Something has gone wrong in the kitchens - who are now serving up Mashed Potatoes and Mud, Linty Bologna, Worms and Dirt Sundae and Rotten Omelette Sandwich - yum!

* If rotten food isn't your thing, try the Chocolate Intesteen, Chocolate Sklyde and Chocolate Turmac.

* All About Plushie Acaras, the Plushie Acara Blue Lipstick, the Plushie Acara Lasso, the Plushie Acara Pillow, the Plushie Acara Thermos and the Plushie Acara Scissors will be enough to doll up any painted pet!

Colours

* Draik - pirate and split
* Kyrii - sketch and orange
* Yurble - mutant
* Grundo - royal
* Meerca - Desert and split

Games

Imperial exam - great if you also like Spell or Starve, Eliv Thade, Word Poker and Word Pyramid.

Goparokko - great if you also like Destruct-O-Match II, Snowmuncher, Sutek's Tomb and Faerie Caves II.

Wocky Wobble - great if you also like Turmac Roll, Whack-a-kass, Ultimate Bullseye and Meerca Chase II.


























Soapbox (Lydia)


The Real Balthazar (Part Two)

Bally stood rooted to the spot. Thoughts flickered in his mind that Cosmos had finally lost it, but he was forced to think about the old gelert, who had begun to stir.

Cosmos?" he asked tentatively, as the old man got to his feet. Bally watched him yawn with growing confusion. The scientist looked round and smiled.

Hello, my boy. I apologize. I must have dozed off there. Better get back to the party, eh?" Bally just stared.

But... what - what about what you just said, about the faeries?" he stuttered. Cosmos raised an eyebrow.

What about any faeries? I never said anything about any faeries." And with that, he moved off - leaving Bally on his own, nonplussed.

After a few moments, the lupe shrugged and set off towards his friends. The scientist must have had too much nettle-mead. Just as he got back to the stage where the Arctic Monkeys were playing, he heard his name being called. He turned, the voice coming from the wood. His eyes lit up as he saw Zephyr, her white fur gleaming, beckoning him towards her.

Without a second thought, Bally ran towards her, and when he was a few meters away from her, she turned and rushed away. Frustrated, Bally gave chase - but history repeated itself - as soon as he got near her, she ran on with startling speed. Three times, four times, and all the while bally wasn't sure why it was he was followin her so persistantly... until he stumbled into an openning, the trees giving way to a circle of long, dense grass.

Night had fallen and the moon cast a glowing light upon the glade from its pale throne in the darkest kingdom, and more light seemed to radiate from Zephyr, who sat peering at him from in the middle of the openning. Many people have experienced the lurch in the pit of your stomach when you realise that something about you is wrong. Something has moved, gone, changed... Bally looked closely. The light that shone from Zephyr was like the moon itself, glowing, almost pulsing in white gleams. She was always radiant, but unnaturally so? And her eyes, a beautifully rich brown colour... although she looked straight at Bally, her gaze never seemed to reach his. It was as if no-one was behind them..

On this very thought, Zephyr seemed to burst into a thousand glowing crystals, Bally yelled, and the crystals flew towards him like a magnet and clutched his fur. He shouted and tried to dislodge them, as he realised that crystals they weren't - but faeries - hundreds of faeries, all shrieking wildly. He fought for several moments, but was eventually pinned against a tree, the tiny creatures holding him still.

Panic-ridden, Bally saw a ball of green light descend into the glade. It slowly took form, a woman with emerald hair and clothing, leaf-like wings and bud-coloured skin. Her lips curled into a slighty menacing smile.

My faeries, you have done an excellent job. Release him, he shall not be going anywhere." Bally was dropped and he stood quaking before the faerie.

I have cast a spell on you," she stated matter-of-factly. "Why? Let's just say you are the first part of the plan. But we have seen you, staring lovingly at that cybunny creature. We have power, importance and magic, but that is what we lack - love. For you see, we are an entirely female species, so there is no love, and what is more, we are immortal. Ever-lasting, without the purity and innocence of love. can you imagine such a thing, boy? Of course not. You live in a world so very different from ours. But alas, no longer.

You see, the spell means you are nothing but a living shadow! No mortal can see you. You'll only ever be a movement out of the corner of someone's eye, a figment of imagination. No more love for you." Her -disallowed_word-Lydia)
How does TNT do it? Many more items, games and colours out this month - here's the lowdown:

Items
*First up this month, smells fishy with the new flotsam plushies available - pirate, grey, island and faerie. Get them from the plushie palace!

* The Flotsam Snowberry Lollypop, the Rainbow Flotsam Lollypop, the Strawberry Flotsam Lollypop and the Blueberry Flotsam Lollypop are sure to be a welcomed treat for pets with a sweet tooth - now available from the chocolate factory.

* The Usukicon Y9 Gift Bag was released to celebrate the special day this year, and players can buy the bag or the items directly - which are the Usukicon Y9 Keyring, Usukicon Y9 Guide, Usukicon Y9 Comic Sampler and the Usukicon Y9 Hard Candy. All you could want from a little pink bag!

* Players lucky enough to have a grundo will be able to take a trip to the moon with these new clothes! The Grundo Space Belt, space jacket, space goggles and space shoes were released just in time for the Grundo Independance Day! If you suffer space sickness, maybe the Grundo Antennae Straps or the Grundo Sloth Sock Puppet will be more suited for you.

* There are more backgrounds ready for your pet to stand in front of this month. The Hidden Tower, Shenkuu River and Lost Desert Oasis backgrounds will make any pet stand out!

* The release of the Yurble Transmogrification Potion has caused quite a stir - trade posters putting it in at just under a million neopoints - does your yurble mean that much to you?

* More potions! If you trust these weird concoctions, then the Skunk Kyrii Morphing Potion, Rainbow Kyrii Morphing Potion, White Kyrii Morphing Potion and the Halloween Kyrii Morphing Potion will definately be on the wish lists of owners of these cheeky little pets!

* If your pet is a bit weary of these odd-smelling items, then try a safe plushie - now Brown, Desert, Pink and White Kyrii plushies.

* Tuskaninnies are getting in the festive mood early this year - with the Christmas Tuskaninny Festive Gloves, Christmas Tuskaninny Festive Hat, Christmas Tuskaninny Scarf and Christmas Tuskaninny Tail Adornment. Also, the ogrin is sneaking in with the Christmas Ogrin Tail Decoration.

* If you are looking forward to spookiest night of the year, what better way to prepare than the new Halloween Jetsam Flipper Cover, Halloween Tuskaninny Imp Cloak and Halloween Tuskaninny Imp Hood!

* The Lost Desert Uni Golden Earring has been released to give your painted pony a whole new style of its own!

* Har matey! Ye olde tuskaninny lovers will be going crazy over the Pirate Tuskaninny Skull Bandana, Anchor Tattoo and Swashbuckling Shirt! Don't they just shiver yer timbers

* The Robot Koi Dorsal Fin Housing, Robot Tuskaninny Body Housing, Robot Tuskaninny Cranium Housing, Robot Tuskaninny Tail Housing and Robot Zafara Cranium Housing are pushing all the right buttons with machine-like pets.

* Grundos are getting the royal treatment these days, with the Royal Boy Grundo Boots, Collar, Crown, Gloves, Jacket and Pants! Young princesses also have the Royal Girl Grundo Collar, Dress and Moonstone Crown.

* Other royal items released this month include the Royal Girl Acara Gown, Royal Girl Bruce Crown, Royal Girl Korbat Toga, and Royal Girl Scorchio Hat.

* Kougras are feeling the cold this month with the Snow Kougra Tail Decoration.

* The Desert Meerca Cloak, Desert Meerca Golden Collar, Desert Meerca Golden Tail Ring, Desert Meerca Headdress and Desert Meerca Ornate Scepter are just in time for Meerca day - so get dressing up!

* Those who are fed up of just wearing clothes will love the new Edible Smelly Gym Socks, edible Orange Socks, Edible Purple Socks and Edible Argyle Socks - yum!

* How do they get plushies so life-like? The new Lost Isle Usuki Set, Lilian Fairweather Usuki Doll, Captain Rourke Usuki Doll and Roxton A. Colchester III Usuki Doll are fantastic for those following the Lost Isle Plot.

* Kyriis have even more to choose from! Kyrii Mage Robe, Cape, bracers, sandals and circlet have been released along with the Kyrii I Hate Apples Sign, Playing Cards and Shooting Star Barrette.

* Things are hotting up in Neopia with the release of the Chicken Curry, Dried Chilli Peppers, Chilli Chia Hot Sauce and Carnapepper Jelly! If you can't get enough of spicy items, try the neohome furniture - The Chilli Bouquet, Chilli Table, Chilli Bath Mat and Chilli Bath Tub.

* Hot learners wont want to start the new school term without the Pepper Chia Eraser, Pepper Chia Notebook, Pepper Chia Pen and Pepper Chia Pencil Box.

* Minions will be eager for the great new darigan toys - Vinyl Darigan Mynci Toy, Techo Toy and Draik Toy!

* Something has gone wrong in the kitchens - who are now serving up Mashed Potatoes and Mud, Linty Bologna, Worms and Dirt Sundae and Rotten Omelette Sandwich - yum!

* If rotten food isn't your thing, try the Chocolate Intesteen, Chocolate Sklyde and Chocolate Turmac.

* All About Plushie Acaras, the Plushie Acara Blue Lipstick, the Plushie Acara Lasso, the Plushie Acara Pillow, the Plushie Acara Thermos and the Plushie Acara Scissors will be enough to doll up any painted pet!

Colours

* Draik - pirate and split
* Kyrii - sketch and orange
* Yurble - mutant
* Grundo - royal
* Meerca - Desert and split

Games

Imperial exam - great if you also like Spell or Starve, Eliv Thade, Word Poker and Word Pyramid.

Goparokko - great if you also like Destruct-O-Match II, Snowmuncher, Sutek's Tomb and Faerie Caves II.

Wocky Wobble - great if you also like Turmac Roll, Whack-a-kass, Ultimate Bullseye and Meerca Chase II.


























September 07 Articles




























    Around Neopia (Sparkly)


    SHENKUU - I'm in Shenkuu, one of the most gorgeous places in all of Neopia. The architecture, astounding, the food, delicious, the people, welcoming and nice. Everything is almost perfect here. If I wasn't broke, I would SOOOOO live here. But unfortunately, this job doesn't pay much *cough*Lori*cough*. It has EVERYTHING you need to survive in Neopia. First off, for income. Everybody needs cash to live. Try Kou-jong. A nice game to past the time with and earn some Neopoints. There's also the Lunar Temple. Once a day, you may guess how the moon would look like on a certain night of the year. If you are right you shall be rewarded. Now, if Shenkuu every gets attacked, you may buy a weapon at Wonderous Weaponry, if you can afford it, that is. Feeling lonely? Never fear! Fanciful Fauna is here! Here you may purchase a petpet to keep you company! If you're hungry, grab a bite to eat at Exotic Foods. then if you got food poisoning from it, go to Remarkable Restoratives. They might have something to cure you from your pain. Well even if you don't want to live here, I suggest you come here for a vacation sometime. It is absolutely wonderful here!


























    Council Editorial (Lori)


    Q: Um... our inactive members get deleted... how often, Lori? Once a month? --freezni
    A: Christine or I will delete people periodically -cough- whenever we remember -endcough-. The people who we delete are members that have
  • been in the guild for a week and have not posted more than 5 times
  • been in the guild for 2 weeks and have not posted 10 times
  • have not posted in a month
    Our few exceptions to this rule are luvsgurl (Attie's friend), hungrykaddie (Attie), xprincessbeccax (Becca), and some higher-ranked members who are on hiatuses. Q: How long do nominations go on for? 2 weeks? --jurassic_park_13
    A: Nomination time will end once I get at least three people in the running.
    • Q: Why did you call it Neo.Anxious? --spirit_of_myths A: Because we're anxious to please. :P No, I have no clue, but anyways Attie named it. I'll have to ask her when she signs on.

    Q: Why is it so hard to get onto the activities committee? --made up
    A:     The Activities Committee pretty much runs the guild. They control the entire website and must know their way around the guild like an alley cat touring the streets of Venice. One wrong move - and they get drowned/eaten by me. Soo anyways xD the website is a huge part of the guild, and since the Activities Committee runs it, and it takes lots of time/hard work/money it run it, is is very well respected. We hardly ever let more members join the committee as it becomes a jumbled mess. Not to say that the other committees aren't important; they are absolutely crucial to the running of the guild.

    Q: Can I still advertise even though I'm not on member adoption committee? --made up
    A: Of course! Just post an ad on someone's guildless board, and they should see from Rainbow__Dung's petpage who to send their application to. Hopefully they're smart enough to figure out that if you're not on the list, they shouldn't send their application to you.

    Q: Why can't I get onto the council? --spirit_of_myths
    A: If you applied for council at the guild, chances are that I didn't look at it (and if I did, I deleted it). Council applications are only open when I say so, and is never at the guild; it's at the webbie. If you'd like to run for council, being on a committee (especially activities committee, we haven't had a single council member not on that committee) really boosts your score. ;)

    Q: What do you say when someone asks you for an invite to our guild? --xrockinpinksox
    A: You grumble and whack them on the side of the head with a fish, muttering about how they didn't realize they were supposed to go to Rainbow__Dung's petpage. Nah, you kindly reply with, "You have to fill out an application first. You can find it at www.neopets.com/~Rainbow__Dung"


























    Crossword (Lori)


    Last month's answers:

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    And this month's puzzle:

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    Around Neopia (Sparkly)


    GELERT GRIEVES

    OVER GARDENS

    WANTED



    A Rainbow Jubjub about 49 centimeters tall, 26 pounds and 07 hours old the last time we saw him. He is highly dangerous and is associated with a guild named neo.gangstuhh. He also has an accomplice which is a Rainbow Slorg associated with the mafia of Neopets (a.k.a. Lori) and has a highly dangerous Rainbow GUN!

    Later on I interviewed the poor Gelert.

    These Asparagus Gardens were so young! NOOOOO!!!!!" She has left to seek therapy and mental help. Her family is looking new Asparagus Gardens to replace the old ones. If you know where to find one or some or want to donate a Asparagus Garden or just donate Neopoints send them to 435378 Gelert Drive, right beside the Kadoatery.

    This is an example of how your actions can affect the community. Heck, it can effect all of Neopia. Just you wait. I just KNOW Adam is going to read this news report and start crying over the Asparagus Gardens. Just you wait...

    Anyways, if you have ANY information on them, call 1-800-SPARKLY-WILL-CATCH-THEM or go SPARKLYROCKS.com


























    Council Editorial (Lori)


    Q: Heyyyy, for the banner part of the war.. It's only one banner PER group, or can each member of a group submit something? -- rainbowfrogshop
    A: Each group must submit one banner only.

    Q: Now can I just send over the [battle faerie sofa] or do I need to send over all the items? [for bulb's kitchen quests] --spirit_of_myths
    A: Since the sofa is not part of the quest, you can just send that one item. However, if you are doing the quest, you have to send all three items in, and of course the sofa is optional. If you are doing Faiuki's Quest, on the other hand, you can send in any item since it's not a recipe.


























    Crossword (Lori)


    The answers to the July crossword:

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    And this month's puzzle:

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    Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


    Dear Mr. Muggles, Do you ever watch the News? I do sometimes, like just the other day, I was watching the news with my brother and there were these CRAZY things happening.

    My brother thinks that it's because of that new movie "Parry Hotter and the Delirious Scone" but that's just him. Have you seen it yet? It's about a Peophin named Parry who finds out she can use magic and is sent away to Wogharts, a school for witchary and wizardcraft.

    Anyways along with my story. STRANGE things were happening. A Jetsam won a NeoHome that didn't exist!

    And there was this other story exclaimed as "Rock vs. Neopet, ROCK WINS!" It turns out a Neopet had a Rock as a petpet and the Rock won against the Neopet in close combat!

    Two Ettaphants got loose on Meri Street and ate everybody's Bamboo! It turns out somebody knocked over the cage they were in and ran away so the Ettaphants got hungry and came out. They were part of the traveling circus called "The Twirly Whirly Circus".

    Also they found a GIANT Uniocto on the shores of Mystery Island. When I say giant I meant the tentacle was taller than the Space Faerie! It was HUGE!

    I think that was basically it for the News THAT day.

    Dear Sparkly,
    Wow...


























    Gallery (Christine)


    Hmm, I wanted to have a war-related picture for this but I couldn't get it finished in time so I'm putting this comic up instead.

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    Don't get it? Well, basically long ago people voted on a selection of pets and the winning pet would be made into a real neopet. The winner was the lamameeah but what came out as the real neopet was the gnorbu which looks rather different. This is the explanation of why.


























    Guide (SM)


    In my past three guides I have covered the best offensive weapons, defensive weapons, and bombs. By now you should have a very good idea of what you want in your set. This week I will be covering the final items you need to add to your set, in my final battledome article I will explain how to put it all together and come up with a great battledome set that is effective. You should already have 5 to 6 items in your set, now there are two key items left: Healers and Freezers. Now I will add a list of good healers later on, but it is simple. Just find the best healer in your budget that can heal you pet as much as possible. A pet with 30 hp could get the 10k blue scorchstone for a full heal. Basically if you can find an affordable healer that fully heals your pet, get it. Healers are a pretty easy subject, and it doesn't take much to find which fits your pets the best. However freezers are a bit more interesting and I will now focus on them. There aren't really any high level battlers in this guild, so I won't go into comparisons with the ice dice, slumberry potion, H4k Helmet, and things of that nature. Instead, I'll compare the frost cannon series to the snowglobe staff. First I'll list prices and effects:

    Snowglobe Staff: Price: 15k-20k
    Freeze (19.7%)
    Does nothing(17.5%)
    Break for battle (20.5%)
    Attack with 3 icons of light, 3 icons of water (22.7%)
    Makes yellow snowball (19.6%)

    Green Frost Cannon: Price: 7k-8k
    Attacks with 3 icons of water and 0-2 icons of physical
    11% Freeze

    Black Frost Cannon: Price: 300k-400k
    Attacks with 3 icons of water and 0-2 icons of physical
    23% Freeze

    Personally I use the snowglobe staff, and based on my research it seems to be the best freezing weapon for low level battlers. There are no frost cannons that can match it in the freezing efficiency to price ratio. As for healers the two best items you'll find for most people in the guild are the blue scorchstone and greater healing scroll. And I think that just about wraps it up, hopefully you enjoyed reading this article and now of a good idea of what you want in your set. Next month I will finally explain what you should put in your set, and reveal what I use in my personal set. Until then, good luck battledoming.


























    Guildly Dirt (Christine)


    Everyone DUCK! Phew, that piece of rainbow dung nearly hit me! Hey WATCH IT! You're meant to throw the cake at the OTHER side!!! Don't tell me you don't know why we're having a food fight and dung battle! *sigh* ok then, sit down and prepare yourself for a long, long story. Once upon a time, there was a guild called neo.anxious (neo.gangstuh for a short time, but that's another story for another time). For years it was ruled by the evil Dr. Frank Sloth, it's members cruelly enslaved by an ensnaring contract, bidding them to obey Sloth's commands.

    What? You DID read the last issue, didn't you???

    Anyway, His teeny...tiny, miniscule band of supporters was fearfully known as the CFSA (Communistic Faeries and Sloth Alliance) and they were the ones who made sure that Sloth's bidding went forth as planned.

    Little did they know, there was an underground network fighting over for the downfall of Sloth, the removal of the CFSA and for freedom! And who better to defeat the CFSA than another four-lettered rival? Yes, that's right, the SMFC (SM Fan Club).

    Upon declaring war, it was revealed that SM and I were actually working undercover. Whilst we looked like we would support the CFSA due to our jobs and duties in the guild, we had actually been passing information on about the best time for SMFC to strike! (i.e. at the beginning of the month when activities are reset! :P)

    When the war began, each side was split up into 2 divisions, one for sneaky steal and one for downright hard-core impact. They were Rainbow Dung and Cheez-its within the CFSA and then Electric Faeces and Tea and Cakes within the SMFC. Hence the food and dung fight!

    So, what are we actually doing in this war? Well, to lay it out simply:

    1. Computer-Generated Graphic Design

    First each group will show pride for their nationality through their spiffy computer graphic skills. A great banner will be hung from the high battle standards of each army. The proudest team with the most superior banner will gain the high ground.

    2. Game Challenge: Maths Nightmare

    Next the worthy mathematicians will have to calculate and manipulate hefty sums to determine the exact speed and angle the projectiles have to be thrown, in order to destroy the savage enemy sheep!

    3. Song Writing Competition

    After the weary battle, soldier's spirits will need to be lifted. A hearty song will do the trick! The group with the best parody of the chosen song will win the soldiers' moral support and enthusiasm.

    4. Avatar Simon

    A roaring challenge will be yelled across no man's land from each group and eight brave warriors will step forward. They will stand eye to eye and when the contest commences, they will courageously find the chosen avatars to defeat the enemy.

    5. Storytelling contest

    Ok, so even the bravest fighter needs a bedtime story. The best story will help the soldiers get a good night's sleep so they can be full of vim and vigour for tomorrow's battle.

    6. Battledome

    Finally, some actual fighting! 3 champions from each group will put their strengths to the test against each other. The conquest of one team over the other will allow the victorious troops to advance upon their enemy and gain a tactical base suitable for a strong defence and a rapid attack.

    7. Hand-drawn Graphic Design

    To encourage the soldiers, another mighty banner will be displayed. The mightiest banner will enforce the soldiers' patriotism and will ensure that the team stays focused and determined

    8. Avatar ABC

    Here, speed is of the essence. Eight virtuous contesters will stand once more in no man's land and, at the sound of the signal, they will race to be the first to find a unique avatar. Failing can only mean one thing. Er... not as many points for that team.

    9. Game Challenge

    Who knows what the future holds? A race through the river to reach the stronghold first? A battering of coloured bricks to break through the enemy's barricades? Or perhaps a battle between castles to seize the gold that the enemy has hoarded? Either way, each team will put their all into gaining the upper hand!

    10. Song Writing Competition

    Another bout of song-singing will be needed to give confidence to the worn out soldiers. The better the song, the more eager the soldiers will be to carry on fighting.

    11. Friendship Day

    Mmm, the best day of all. All the teams will unite in friendship and play yooyuball. Or maybe they will just sing songs together or even swap banners and hats! (Don't tell me you don't wear a hat now!)

    12. The Amazing Race

    By this time, the teams will be running low on resources. They will need you to send them in but they can't let the enemy know what it is that they are low on, so their messages will be strange and encoded. You will have to work out from the secret messages exactly what it is they need and then you will have to get it to them!

    Not only will these activities aid your team in the war, but sending over constant provisions will also be a great benefit to your teammates.

    -You could send over the desired treat to Rainbow__Dung, and he will give your team luck and good fortune.

    -By keeping Faiuki happy, she will send love and happiness to your team.

    -Stocking up Bulb's kitchen with a supply of food will enable him to cook delicious meals for your team and to keep them well fed every night.

    -Feeding the kadoaties will ensure that they do not wail during the night, allowing your team to sleep and be well-rested for the following morning.

    So there you have it. The war in a nutshell... or rather the war in a newspaper article, but you get the jist.

    Good Luck to all teams! (ew, is that dung in my hair??)


























    Lori Conundrum (Lori)


    The answer to last month's conundrum is:

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    This month's conundrum:

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    Neopian Advice (Misty)


    Dear Misty,

    I've been trying to restock, but I don't know how to price things. Can you help me out?

    Signed, Lost in RSland.

    Dear Lost,

    Don't worry. I used to have trouble with that too. I use the shop wiz and price my items according to others that are already stocked. Try refreshing a few times and use the middle price. Like if you are looking up a Roo Island Spork and there are some priced from 950-1300 I would stock it for 1100.

    Dear Misty,

    I participated in the Journey to the Lost Isle, where are my prizes?

    Signed, Searching for the Lost Isle

    Dear Searching,

    Journey to the Lost Isle plot prizes are here: http://www.neopets.com/mip/prize_shop.phtml

    Dear Misty,

    I feel so ignorant. What is an avvie?

    Signed, Confused

    Dear Confused,

    An avvie is another word for an avatar. An avatar is the little pixel you see below peoples names. Your account comes with the basic ones but there are also secret avatars. Check out avatar.starried.net for some information on how to get them.

    Dear Misty,

    I'm poor. How can I earn neopoints fast? I want to get rich quick.

    Signed, Poor person.

    Dear Person,

    There is no "get rich quick" button. Every neopian that has many neopoints has gotten there through hard work. I suggest games. They can be fun and rewarding. Find a few games that you are really good at and play them everyday. Set goals for yourself and stick to them. One of my goals is to put 10k in my bank account everyday. Also don't take neopoints out of your bank account. If you do you will never make it to the top.

    Dear Misty,

    Awhile ago, my good friend gave me about 100k to get a lab map, as well as sending a piece or two over. Now she expects me to help her get HERS, and we're supposed to split the cost. I have my 300k, but giving it to her would wipe me out, and I'm also trying to save for a Royal Paint Brush. Any advice on what to do?

    -Torn

    Dear Torn,

    Unless you agreed to help her when she helped you, you are not obligated to return the favor. Instead of blowing your savings on have the map for her I suggest you buy her one or two pieces and call it good. (I've got one in my shop ;D) On the other hand if you promised her you'd pay for half of her map then as a friend you should do so.

    Dear Misty,

    Why won't anyone join my guild after days of advertising?

    Signed, Lonely in Guildville.

    Dear Lonely,

    Starting a guild is hard. I speak from experience. You may not get members for a while. Try starting one with other people. That way your member count starts at more than one and work together to make the guild an exciting looking place where people will want to come. Have tons of activities and fun games.

    Dear Misty,

    What does the Neolodge do?

    Signed, Traveling Townsperson

    Dear Traveler,

    The Neolodge is a wonderful place to drop off your pets. Even staying at the Cockroach towers is fine. Your neopets don't care what the rooms look like. The upside is that they will feed your pets for you.


























    Neopian Advice (Christine)


    1. Codestone List :)

    Ok... so that wasn't really a question but I'll assume you want a list of codestones:
    Mau Codestone
    Tai-Kai Codestone
    Lu Codestone
    Vo Codestone
    Eo Codestone
    Main Codestone
    Zei Codestone
    Orn Codestone
    Har Codestone
    Bri Codestone

    2. What's a duped item and what do I do if I have one??

    A duped item is created by means of either finding a glitch and abusing it or by using an illegal program to great duplicates of an item. You may be frozen if you manage to get one so if you suspect that your items were duplicated, you should put them in your trades stating, in the wishlist, that you believe they are duplicated and then report that trade so that TNT can take a look.

    3. How do you get the angry air avatar?

    You need to buy a mote above a certain rarity (70) from the Brightvale Motery

    4. I've never been frozen before, but if you DO get frozen, will you ever get your account back? Or will it be locked up forever?

    If you didn't do anything wrong then you could contact TNT with the hopes of getting your account back, but if you got frozen for a valid reason then no, I don't think so.

    5. Why are paintbrush plushies so expensive? I bought one for 8k, and it was just a plushie. I was ripped off! xD

    Either there aren't that many available or lots of people want them, like for galleries. 8k isn't that much though, you could make more than that in a day :D


























    Rant & Rave (Christine)


    Something I've recently taken part in is the Beauty Contest. I made a list of all the good and bad things about it and funnily enough, my "bad" list is much longer than my "good" list. And yet, I am still considering entering again XP.

    Rant

    The first point I have to make is about what the beauty contest actually is. It was once about dressing your neopet in clothes and then drawing it (I can't remember where I read that but I did :P). Now, it's more of an art contest rather than a beauty contest, although it doesn't even matter how good your art is. All that matters is the votes. This brings me to my next point. The votes. Who cares about how long you've spent on the art or how well you've drawn it? As long as you advertise enough, you will get enough votes to at least win a place in species. Sometimes you'll see pretty rubbish art getting placed with far better works below it.

    Mmmm, and that's another thing that's really tiring. Advertising day and night! I stayed up until 4am every day (and then woke up at 7am or earlier) in order to advertise. I think I made myself ill with the lack of sleep XD *waves goodbye to good exam results*. After a while, advertising becomes such a monotonous experience. Seriously, it's as fun as spinning that wheel of monotony. Open up a few windows/tabs, comment on the picture, topic dies, open more windows. Sometimes I even made my own topic but they were pretty repetitive as it was always the same people who posted on it to advertise their own entry.

    It's like we're all trapped inside a little box of advertising where everything feels so fake because you have to be so nice to everyone in the hopes that they, too, will vote for you. There are also some people that you see everywhere you go! The 'adverspammers' especially are irritating because they make it very obvious that they haven't even read the first post. The first post usually asks people to comment on a picture, but adverspammers usually go to every topic just posting the same copied message that consists of "Vote for me?".

    Even worse are those who post, "I voted! vote for me?" when it's blatantly obvious that they are lying. They cannot vote for everyone when you are only allowed one vote per species.

    Last of all is my very own personal complaint. After a week of continuous advertising, and lending (Thanks Lori :P) and helping out on the help boards I came 4th! Just missing out on a trophy. JUST!

    Rave

    So, here's my rave, short and sweet. So yes, I did miss out on a trophy but still, coming 4th overall was still an accomplishment and getting 1st in species did get me a spiffy trophy on my pet's lookup!

    Although it was annoying to see some people again and again, there were some that I actually made friends with. Along with that, seeing other people's art and commenting on them could be quite good fun. It often sparked up conversations about the programs they used, so it wasn't "vote vote vote!" all the time.

    The best part of the competition was towards the end where people mostly chatted instead of asking for votes. It was much more relaxing and a lot less intense than the constant advertising that was taking place beforehand.

    And...well... to be honest, that's about ALL I can think of to say!



























    So They Say (Molly)


    Here, I present to you a true avatar-fanatic, Sam.

    What is your neopets history?

    I've =ALWAYS= collected avatars. Well, since they came out anyway. ^^ I used to have goals for pets and things, but now I just zap with the Lab Ray and save up money for more avatar stuff; although I'm HORRID at saving np. o.o Most of the 5 years on Neo were spent on hiatus, since I was busy with school and at some points just got bored with it. I hope to stay for a while now though; I love the guildies! ;D I have a pretty much lame neo history.

    What were your previous guilds like, and how did you find this one? ^^

    I was normally the leader or on council in past guilds. ^^ And most of the time they didn't have activities or anything, because they're not allowed and I was scared to death of getting frozen. Most of them were somewhere between 100-200 members, and they'd last a while.. but sadly it would start getting more and more inactive until hardly anyone was on. I saw Misty on the Neoboards. I think I liked what she said or something.. so I went to her lookup and clicked the link to Rainbow__Dung's petpage and applied. Sent the application to her {Which I later found out means you most likely won't get accepted; Misty's harsh. ;D} but then I made it and LOVED it. YAAY! Whoa. that was long.

    What do you like to do in real life?

    I'm CONSTANTLY listening to music. && I'm attached to my video camera. :] Hmm. I basically just be super random, especially with my friends. Yay! I'm always hyper and bouncing around, and doing weird things that make people look at me funny. ;D

    If you were stuck on a deserted island what would be the one neoitem you would bring and why?

    Hmmmm. A Bony Grarrl Club. Sure it wouldn't help me eat or get me off the island.. but once I did get off I'd have a totally pwnsome avatar. {And we all know I care more about avatars than I do my life. xD}

    What country do you like best other than the US?

    If the French would've invented the French Fry, they'd be my favorite! But they didn't. Aw. SO Wales, because they have the village named [neo won't let me type it.. idk why.. :/ it's really long.. maybe it'll let me post in on the guild board..] And that makes me giggle.

    What is your neogoal?

    Beat Christine in avatars, and don't let Sammi or SM catch up to me. Duhhh. ;D


























    July 07 Articles




























    *Soapbox (Christine)


    Based on America, the Beautiful – by Mia

    O beautiful for squarish corners,
    For orange waves of cheese,
    For brown mountain bakeries
    Above the rainbow dung plain!
    Cheez-its! Cheez-its!
    Lori shed her grace on thee
    And crown thy good with councilhood
    From cheese to delicious cheese!

    Based on Fergalicious – by Sam

    Cheezeitlicious Def.
    Cheezeitlicious Def.
    Cheezeitlicious Def.. defdefdefdefdefdef.
    Cheezeitlicious Definition: make Lori go loco.
    She always claims she loves them, comin' to them call them tasty.
    It's the C to the H, E's, S to E to its
    And can't no other snack food put it down like this.

    Based on Irreplaceable – by Lori

    To the left
    To the left
    Everything you own in the box to the left
    In the cupboard that's my food - Yes
    If I bought it please don't touch
    And keep eating cheese nips, that's fine
    But could you get them out of my sight
    It's cheez-its that've won my heart
    So remove your Nips so I can eat my It's
    Standing in the front yard telling me
    How I'm such a fool - Talking about
    Cheese Nips are so much better
    You got me twisted
    You must not know about me
    You must not know about me
    I could have so much better than you
    In this one beautiful cracker- baby
    So don't you ever for a second get to thinking That Cheese Nips are better

    Based on Umbrella – by Mia

    When the cheese shines
    Lori and they'll shine together
    Told Lori Cheez-its'll be here forever
    That Cheez-its'll always be square
    Took an oath Lori'll eat them 'till the end
    Now that they're delicious more than ever
    Know that they'll (Lori and the Cheez-its) still have each other
    Lori can eat under their Spella
    Lori can eat under their Spella
    (Ella ella eh eh eh)

    Based on Shine – by Saff

    You, you are so cheesy to me
    you are all everyone wants to eat
    but your to tempting and I want to
    eat you you you, don't you let your cheez-it blow you down- ow own,
    so c'mon eat them up, I don't know what I'm waiting for, your time is coming, don't run away- hey hey
    so c'mon see the light on your and eat the chee-ee-eee-eez-its

    Based on Holding out for a Hero – by Mia

    I need a cheez-it
    I'm holding out for a cheez-it 'til the box runs out
    They gotta be square
    And they gotta be cheesy
    And they gotta be fresh from the bag
    I need a cheez-it
    I'm holding out for a cheez-it 'til the new box comes
    They gotta not be Cheez-Nips
    And they gotta be soon
    And the box gotta be larger than life
    Somewhere after box emptied
    In my cheesiest fantasy
    Somewhere just beyond my reach
    There's a box reaching back for me
    Racing on the kitchen counter and rising with the baked goodness
    It's gonna take a BIG cheez-it to sweep me off my feet

    Based on Ridin' Dirty - Lori

    They see me eatin'
    They hatin'
    Patrollin'
    And tryin' to steal my cheez its
    tryin' to steal my cheez its
    tryin' to steal my cheez its
    tryin' to steal my cheez its
    tryin' to steal my cheez its
    My crunching's so loud;
    I'm swallowing
    They hopin'
    That can steal my cheez its
    tryin' to steal my cheez its
    tryin' to steal my cheez its
    tryin' to steal my cheez its
    tryin' to steal my cheez its

    Based on Girlfriend – by Sam

    Hey! Hey! You! You!
    I don't like your cheese snack!
    No way! No way!
    I think you need a new one
    Hey! Hey! You! You!
    Don't you choose those Cheese Nips!
    Hey! Hey! You! You!
    I know that you like me
    No way! No way!
    No it's not a secret
    Hey! Hey! You! You!
    Cheez-its are the bestest!
    They're so fine
    I want them mine
    They're so delicious
    I think about them all the time
    They're so addictive {Ask Lori!}
    Don't you know that they're better than those CheeseNips?
    (CheeseNips CheeseNips CheeseNips CheeseNips)
    Don't pretend I think you know they're delicious
    Oh yes
    They're by far the most cheesiest
    I can tell you like them too and you know I'm right
    (I'm right I'm right I'm right)

    Based on Season of Love – by Mia

    five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred cheez-its
    five hundred twenty five thousand cheez-its so dear (to Lori)
    five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred cheez-its
    how do you measure? Measure cheez-its in a box
    in squares,
    in cheese,
    in late night snacks,
    in trash of Cheez-Nips,
    in inches, in miles, in Lori, in deliciousness
    how about love?
    how about love?
    how about love?
    measure in love...
    cheez-its of love...
    cheez-its of love...

    Based on The Reason – by Lori

    I'm not a perfect person
    There's many things I wish I didn't do
    But I continue learning
    I never meant to eat a cheese nip
    And so I have to say before I go
    That I just want you to know
    I've found out a reason for me
    To change who I used to be
    A reason to start over new
    and the reason is cheez its I'm sorry that I hurt you
    It's something I must live with everyday
    And all the pain I put you through
    I wish that I could take it all away
    And be the one who catches all your salt grains
    That's why I need you to hear
    I've found out a reason for me
    To change who I used to be
    A reason to start over new
    and the reason is You
    and the reason is You

    Based on Skater Boy – by Mia

    They were cheez-its she was the leader of neo.anxious

    can I make it anymore obvious! They were in a box, she was hungry What more can I say? They wanted her, she'd never tell secretly she wanted them as well But all of her guild members, stuck up their nose They had a problem with their cheesiness... They were cheez-its She said "I'm gonna eat ya'" Cheez-nips weren't good enough for her She had a pretty guild But her mouth was being stuffed (with cheez-its) She needed to come back down to her guild board

    Based on Attractive :P Back – by Lori


    I'm bringing cheez its back
    Them other snacks don't know how to act
    I think they're special so I eat them fast
    So turn around and I will eat them all
    (take 'em to the bridge)
    Yummy snack
    You see these squares

    I will have them back
    I'll let you eat them if you eat them fast
    It's just that no other snack makes me feel this way
    (Take 'em to the chorus)
    Come here cheez-it
    Go ahead, go eat it
    Come to the mouth
    Go ahead, go eat it
    VIP
    Go ahead, go eat it
    Drinks on me
    Go ahead, go eat it
    Let me see how yummy you are
    Go ahead, go eat it
    Look at those squares
    Go ahead, go eat it
    You make me smile
    Go ahead, go eat it Go ahead child

    Go ahead, go eat it
    And eat your cheez its
    Go ahead, go eat it

    Based on Fergalicious – by Yellow

    Listen up ya'll, Cuz this is it
    The cheez-itz that I'm eatin' are de-li-cious
    Cheesalicious definition make them everyone go loco
    They want the treasure so they get their pleasures from the boxes
    you could see them, you can't eat them
    It ain't easy, It ain't tough
    I got reasons why I tease 'em (with my cheese itz)
    The boxes just come and go like days

    Based on Big Girls Don't Cry – by Lori

    Da Da Da Da
    The smell of your cheesiness lingers on me now
    You're probably on your way to the supermarket
    I need some cheez its of my own box, baby
    To be with myself and eat them
    Peace, Serenity
    I hope you know, I hope you know
    That cheez its are my life
    It's personal, Myself and cheez its
    We've got some straightenin' out to do
    And I'm gonna eat you like a child eats some candy
    But I've got to get a new box soon now
    Its time to buy a whole new box
    And new boxes are full

    Based on My Heart Will Go On – by Lori

    Every night in my dreams
    I see you. I eat you.
    That is how I know I love you.
    Far across the table
    And spaces between us
    You have come to show you are good.
    Near, far, wherever you are
    I believe that the cheez its taste good
    Once more you got me addicted
    And you're here in my mouth
    And my mouth will savor you

    Based on It Ends Tonight – by Lori

    Your cheesiness
    It addicts me
    I can't explain myself at all.
    And all the cravings
    And all the drooling
    And I just want to eat you now.
    The mouth starts chewing
    My mind's focused on one thing
    Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
    A weight is lifted
    On this evening
    I'm finally satisfied
    When darkness turns to light,
    I will eat you again
    I will eat you again.

    Based on What Goes Around – by Lori

    Hey kid, is this everything you wanted in a snack
    You know I gave you the world
    But the cheez its stole your heart
    So why your love went away
    I just can't seem to understand
    Thought it was me and you babe
    Me and you until the end
    But I guess I was wrong
    Don't want to think about it
    Don't want to talk about it
    I'm just so sick about it
    Can't believe it's ending this way
    Just so confused about it
    Feeling the blues about it
    I just can't do without ya
    Tell me is this fair?
    Is this the way it's really going down?
    Is this how we say goodbye?
    Should've known better when you came around
    That you were gonna make me cry
    It's breaking my heart to watch you eat those snacks
    Cause you promised you would save some for me
    That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...
    What goes around, goes around, goes around
    Comes all the way back around
    What goes around, goes around, goes around
    Comes all the way back around
    What goes around, goes around, goes around
    Comes all the way back around
    What goes around, goes around, goes around
    Comes all the way back around

    Based on Yesterday – by SM

    Yesterday
    Lori's cheese obsession seemed so far away
    Now it looks as though Its here to stay
    Oh, I believe
    In yesterday
    Suddenly
    We're not half the guild we used to be
    There's a shadow hanging over me
    Oh, yesterday
    Came suddenly
    Why they
    like Cheez-its I don't know
    No one would say
    I said
    I'm for MI now I long
    For yesterday
    Yesterday

    Why they like Cheez-its I don't know
    No one would say
    I said
    I'm for MI now I long
    For yesterday
    Yesterday
    The CFSA did not control the guild this way
    Now I need a place to hide away
    Oh, I believe
    In yesterday

    Based on Where'd You Go? – by Lori

    Where'd you go?
    I miss you so,
    Seems like it's been forever,
    That I've eaten you
    She said "Some days I want to eat you 24/7,
    I don't understand why you disappear when I eat you, my mom buys them for me but she takes so long, And, I find myself trying to stay away from the box, But I feel like an king, every time I take a bite. And I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin', whether I should eat you 2 at a time (or 3) and when I finish i wonder,
    Where'd you go?

    Based on Breaking Free – by Lori

    We're eating, chewing
    There's not a cheez it in the box
    That we can't reach
    If we're trying
    We can eat them all
    You know the world can see us
    Like some cheez it obsessors
    Creating songs about us
    To mock the cheesy love
    But your crunchiness it gives me strength
    Strength to believe
    We're eating fast!
    We're eating'
    Chewing
    There's not a cheez it in the box
    That we can't reach
    If we're trying
    Yeah, we can eat them all

    Based on Hey Jude – by SM

    Hey, Guild, don't make it bad
    Take those cheez-its and quickly throw them away
    Remember, don't let them into your heart
    Then you can start to burn some calories
    Hey, Guild, don't be afraid
    You were made to eat healthy foods more often
    The minute you let them under your skin
    Then you begin to have a heart attack.
    And any time you feel the pain, hey, Guild, refrain
    And stop eating that baked cheese just like Lori
    Well don't you know that it's a fool who eats them too
    Now quickly switch to some tea like Christine
    Hey, Guild! Don't let me down
    You have found health, now go and get it
    Remember, don't let cheese into your heart
    Then you can start to burn some calories.
    So throw it away, don't let it in, into, your house
    You're waiting for a new snack to eat now
    And don't you know what is good for you, hey, Jude,
    Listen, now just quickly switch to something else
    Hey, Guild, don't make it bad
    Take those cheez-its and quickly throw them away
    Remember, don't let them into your heart
    Then you can start to burn some calories

    Ol' neo.anxious (Based on 1985)

    Lori just hit the wall
    She never had it all
    Nine cheez-its a day
    Taunts SM in every way
    Her dreams went out the door
    On October 24
    When she was overwhelmed she nearly ran
    What happened to her plan?
    She was gonna be a commie
    She was gonna be Elori
    She was gonna join a guild
    And get MRSA
    She created the CFSA
    Looks at eveyone who's gone
    And nothin, has been...
    all right since
    X-tine Plank, Columbus,
    Way before Dr. Sloth
    There was Ayan and Chelsea
    No one knew how to pull a Lori
    Her guildies, her minions
    They tell her that she's uncool
    Cause she's still preoccupied
    With neo., neo., ol' neo.anxious
    Woo Hoo Hooooo!
    (Ol' neo.anxious)
    Woo Hoo Hooooo!
    She knows all the classics
    She knows every line
    Talsawarrot, What the beef?
    Even electric feces
    She got 'yesterday' stuck in her head!
    Not a big MI fan
    Thought she'd try hand
    As leader of this great land
    Where's the skirt made of 'fake' grass
    And who's the other council member that she banned?
    When did our guild leader become a dictator?
    What ever happened to flatulence, rainbow dung,
    (on the radio was)
    X-tine Plank, Columbus,
    Way before Dr. Sloth
    There was Ayan and Chelsea
    No one knew how to pull a Lori
    Her guildies, her minions
    They tell her that she's uncool
    Cause she's still preoccupied
    With neo., neo., ol' neo.anxious
    Woo Hoo Hooooo!
    She hates time, make it stop
    When did Plankton become Columbus?
    And when did SM become a singer?
    Please make this stop, stop, STOP(tick tick tick) AND BRING BACK
    X-tine Plank, Columbus,
    Way before Dr. Sloth
    There was Ayan and Chelsea
    No one knew how to pull a Lori
    Her guildies, her minions
    They tell her that she's uncool
    Cause she's still preoccupied
    With ol' neo.anxious
    Woo Hoo Hooooo!
    X-tine Plank, Columbus,
    Way before Dr. Sloth
    There was Ayan and Chelsea
    No one knew how to pull a Lori
    Her guildies, her minions
    They tell her that she's uncool
    Cause she's still preoccupied
    With neo., neo., ol' neo.anxious


























    Around Neopia (Misty)


    Altador is a fascinating city full of wondrous shops and sites. Located in a remote location of Neopia, it is host to a craze that is sweeping over Neopians everywhere. Yes, the craze that I speak of is the Altador Cup. Hypnotizing users to the point where they stay on for 13 plus hours, it turns most Neopians minds into mush as they sit in front of their computers moving the Yooyuball from on end of the field to the other. Obsessive might be one way to describe this compulsive nature. The game is taking over the lives of many while others sit by and watch. Entering the coliseum one will see the glorious colors of their chosen team, the best being Faerieland. *cough* Ahem. Anyway, the different links will take you on a tour of the many pages pertaining to the Cup. After completely obliterating your mind you may want to take a tour of the less mesmerizing sites of Altador. Altador is full of shops including the Food Shop, Petpet Shop, Armory, andMagic Shop. Another interesting place is the Hall of Heroes. This place of mystery is full of statues of each of the founders of Altador, the most important of these being King Altador himself. One of the plots this year was centered around the history of Altador. Consisting of many clues and tedious clicking, the completion of this tiring plot was a new sidebar and other items. Hm. So as I draw to the close of my article remember, boys and girls, that Altador is only safe so long as it doesn't flood with a faulty water system, or fall subject to other natural disasters.


























    Around Neopia (Sparkly)


    NEOPIA CENTRAL - This week I have decided to go to Pizzaroo since I couldn't be a lazy bum again and go to the Music Shop.

    From the outside, Pizzaroo looks very sophisticated. It's a giant green building with a huge pizza for the roof. Very easy to spot. From a few steps away I could smell the pizza dough baking in the nice toasty over. I was getting hungry.

    I walked inside. I was greeted by a green Blumaroo with a mustache. Odd.. I thought, I don't recall Blumaroos with mustaches. Oh well. I got a seat looked around. The chairs were green, comfy, and squishy. The tables were white and the walls were red. It was a very colourful place. There were many pizzas for sale but I decided to get Smiley Pizza!

    Nothing else really happened. Except for the Kacheek who ate the Flaming Hot Pizza and was rushed to the Neopian Hospital after he caught on fire from the pizza. Other than that I would say Pizzaroo is one of the best hangout places that are safe for all ages!


























    Around Neopia (Wes)


    Welcome to a very special edition of Around Neopia with Wes-blocked- me as I head over to Altador for the Altador cup. Worlds all over Neopia come together to face off in the greatest sport in Neopia, Yooyuball. In this issue I will review each team, the rules, yooyuballs and even players by themselves. I even managed to get an interview with rookie Autrey Fulse from the Haunted Woods and rookie Reshar Collifey from Darigan. Well what are we waiting for? Let's get started with the rules of this great sport.

    The rules are simple...whatever the Committee says goes. Two teams face off by tossing a petpet called a yooyu back and forth and trying to get the ball in the other teams net. Kinda like soccer. Each match is three min. There are seven types of yooyus: Normal, Fire, Snow, Faerie, Darigan, Mutant and Clockwork. Each yooyuball has a special ability, from going really fast to slow. Try scoring with all of them. This year's cup is in round robin format which means your team plays every other team twice. The final four will then play each other. 3rd and 4th face off for 3rd and 1st and 2nd battle for 1st. That about covers all the rules so lets go meet the teams!

    First we will start with team Virtupets. Coming off a thrashing against Lost Desert the team looks to pull off the upset this year that they failed to pull of last year. Led by upcoming star Keetra Deele the team looks to get at least 15 wins. With the audition of Sela Pretore, this year looks like last year, more tough losses. Maybe the rest of the team can step up and pull of a big upset to get them started.

    Next is Tyrannia and the Forsaken Five. After their shocking loss last year against Roo island, the team strives to get farther this year and contend for the title. There was talk about them breaking up after the loss but it was proved wrong as they have the same lineup as last year. If they loose one more well...They better prepare to clean out their lockers. Led by the great leadership of Loryche, can the Forsaken Five remain the Forsaken Five or turn into the Broken Five?

    Terror Mountain...The laughing stock of the cup. After getting last in last years cup, the team looks to take off that six this year. The team's management looks to rebuild a strong team and get away from the expensive free agents. Led by clutch player Prytariel. But she isn't the most hyped up player on the team. Rookie Osielle Lidel wants to turn this team into winners. Although he's a rookie, it's gonna take some time for him to bump up to superstar status. Maybe in a year or two, Terror Mountain.

    Roo Island....The biggest story of last year. After last years amazing cup run which almost made it to the finals, the team looks to get to the finals this year. Led by all-star Lilo Blumario and the best free agent on the market Jair Tollet, Roo island aims for that shiny cup. I mean...who wouldn't want it after almost touching it last year. Although can they pull of the upsets this year?

    Next, the offensive juggernaut, Mystery Island. This offensive juggernaut demolished Faerieland in the first round. The experts thought they had the cup already in their hands. But Garven Hale and Krawk Island stopped the scoring and scored to bring Mystery Island back to Mystery Island. Now Volgoth and the team are wiser and stronger. Can they take the cup this year or be shutout by another great goaltender.

    Meridell, the odds on favorite to win the cup. After smoking Maraqua in the first round the team felt they were invincible. But that proved to be there downfall as Darigans defence slowed down the Meridell offense and sent them packing. With the audition of Gregorgio Maille can Meridell step up and win it all?

    Maraqua, the city under the sea, got bounced last year. Elon "The Black Hole" Hughlis, the team's most talented player, was almost traded this year. But the team couldn't loose his clutch play moments so instead they traded Jair Tollet to Roo Island. With a few major changes the team, well Elon, looks to win gold...But if they dont...Who knows what will happen to "The Black Hole".

    Lost Desert, a great team in the first round, couldn't step up last year in a clutch moment in round two. This year lead by the power of Leera Heggle the team looks to improve their clutch ability with the audition of Luvea Trivon. Although signing an inexperienced player might not be the best thing for a team trying to step up in clutch moments. Will the rookie step up or will the team drag themselves back to the Lost Desert?

    The newest team in the cup is the young team of Shenkuu. Although they're young, they're not expected to go far in the tournament. To much inexperience and up and down health stop the team from getting to the top of their game. But two key players Mirsha Grelinek and Foltaggio might cause a few upsets down the road.

    A great goalie makes a great team. That's what Garven Hale and Krawk Island believe. From what happened last year...You have to believe. Coming off a run to the 3rd round, Krawk Island looks to run toward the title with rookie Zayle Sufhaux. Can a group of pirates come together and win the cup for Krawk Island?

    A struggling team last year was Kiko Lake. After being smashed by Roo Island in the first round "Poke" Cellers and Kiko Lake look to at least get past round-robin. The rookie Moni Vyshan is an audition to this years squad. Just one quick Question. I know your Kiko Lake but...why four Kikos?...Well maybe a team of the same species can step up this year.

    Faerieland's three forward offensive was thought to be the best Scoring team in the cup. But that wasn't the case and Mystery Island's bigger and tougher forwards stopped them. This year they switch back to two forwards and add right defender Elbin Towse. Can the cute little team from Faerieland toughen up a little and win the cup?

    The royal team of Brightvale was bounced last year by last years soon to be champs Haunted Woods. Even though they were a popular team with their merchandise sales and their flashy gear they don't have the skill to take it all the way. Plus with the same staring line up. Is Brighvale's player brighter then last year?

    After a 1000 year leave Altador was outplayed in there own game. Team captain "Trapper" Remis and Altador have a year of play under them. An audition to this year's team is Lyvon Cibaire. Will he have to get some play under his belt or will Altador prove that the Altador cup belonged to Altador?

    Last years Altador cup runner up Darigan Citadel looks to go deep in the tournament. The team fixed their goaltender problem with rookie Reshar Collifey. Will the difficult regular season and their deep play off experience get them to the finals or will they be sent home without the gold?...Here is my special interview with Reshar Collifey.

    Wes: Hello Reshar Collifey, Nice to meet you.

    Reshar Collifey: Rawr!

    Wes: ok then...first Question...What is it like to be on a team that came so close to winning the cup last year?

    Reshar Collifey: RAWR!!

    Wes: And how does that make you feel?

    Reshar Collifey: ME HUNGRY!

    Wes: Yeah well it was nice talking to you.

    Reshar Collifey: GET IN MY BELLY!

    Haunted Woods, the defensive juggernaut powered its way to the Altador cup last year. With the retirement of Chelo Binary the team looked for another great defender. They found Autrey Fulse. This new star has tons of energy and motivation. Will it be enough to bring home the title for the 2nd year in a row? Here is my Interview with Autrey Fulse.

    Wes: Hello, I'm glad that I can finally meet you.

    Autrey Fulse: Do you have any BBQ sauce?

    Wes: Um no...why?

    Autrey Fulse: THEY PROMISED ME BBQ SAUCE!!!

    Wes: Settle down big guy, I will get SM to get you some BBQ.........O he's at the stadium....How's ketchup?

    Autrey Fulse: It will do.

    Wes: First question...What is it like to be on the team that won the cup last year?

    Autrey Fulse: Cup shiny

    Wes: Yes I bet it was...Do you feel like you can pull of a repeat?

    Autrey Fulse: I'm out of ketchup!

    Wes: Well I don't have anymore and....IS THAT A YOOYUBALL!?!

    Autrey Fulse: No...its my friend

    Wes: Your making it slippery...*gasp* your cheating!

    Autrey Fulse: Shhh....it's sleeping.

    Wes: I don't care if it..Ahhhh...that cute...Ok I wont tell....I dont like your next team anyway

    Autrey Fulse: Night night Mr. Yooyu

    Wes: Well thanks for the interview

    Autrey Fulse: Shhhh!

    That concludes this special audition of Around Neopia....I have three more words to say.......DARIGAN FOR CUP!

    From Wes



























    Council Editorial (Lori)


    Q: You said there would be a war soon! There isn't-I read that whole insiders list for nothing? Grr... --made up
    A: Eckk, sorry. We were going to have a war but then TNT decided to release the Altador Cup, and we figured everyone would be so busy from playing the cup that they wouldn't have time to participate in the war. We WILL have a war in July though. It might even extend to August, who knows.

    Q: You know how we always submit stuff on the website? How do you get it? And can you really track our IP addresses? --made up
    A: Well, your submission goes through cyberspace and winds up at one of five places: my email inbox (Lori@self-production.net), Christine's inbox (Christine@self-production.net), Sm's inbox (Schnooks@self-production.net), Molly's inbox (Trina@self-production.net), or Attie's inbox (neo.anxious@self-production.net). Then we read the email and we update the website with it! And yes, we have the evil materials and techniques supplied by Dr. Sloth so if you do anything naughty like submitting a form without a username, we CAN track you down! -evil laugh-

    Q: When will the next council election be? And when can I join the Activities Committee? --made up
    A: We don't elect council members for fun; we have elections when we need them. If Christine or i are incapable of handling our duties, we will hold an election. However, if we never need a council member, we are thinking of holding one anyway around May of 08. As for the activities committee, the same is true. If Christine, Molly, Sm, or I feel that it is too much work to handle (which we might feel during the war coming up), then we'll make an announcement and it'll be a huge thing, so no worries - you can't miss it! Of course, we send notices like these through guild mailings so be SURE to enable them.


























    Crossword (Lori)


    The answer to the June Crossword puzzle is below:

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    This month's puzzle:

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    Answer to be posted in the next issue!


























    Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


    Dear Mr. Muggles,
    Does Lori have an ample, arty, awash, barn door, big, boastful, bragging, brimming, bulky, bull, burly, capacious, chock-full, colossal, commodious, conceited, considerable, copious, crowded enormous, extensive, fat, flamboyant, full, gigantic, heavy duty, haughty, heavyweight, hefty, high-sounding, huge, hulking, humungous, husky, immense, imperious, imposing, inflated, jumbo, king sized, large, mammoth, massive, monster, mungo, oversize, overblown, packed, pompous, ponderous, presumptuous, pretentious, proud, prodigious, roomy, sizable, spacious, strapping, stuffed, substantial, super colossal, thundering, vast, voluminous, walloping, whopper, whopping head?

    Dear Sparkly,
    Lori does have an ample, arty, awash, barn door, big, boastful, bragging, brimming, bulky, bull, burly, capacious, chock-full, colossal, commodious, conceited, considerable, copious, crowded enormous, extensive, fat, flamboyant, full, gigantic, heavy duty, haughty, heavyweight, hefty, high-sounding, huge, hulking, humungous, husky, immense, imperious, imposing, inflated, jumbo, king sized, large, mammoth, massive, monster, mungo, oversize, overblown, packed, pompous, ponderous, presumptuous, pretentious, proud, prodigious, roomy, sizable, spacious, strapping, stuffed, substantial, super colossal, thundering, vast, voluminous, walloping, whopper, whopping head.


























    Gallery (Christine)


    BECAUSE SNOT IS COOL

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    I have entered this into the beauty contest, I hope it gets in!


























    Guide (SM)


    If you have read my past guides, you more likely than not already have a promising set with good offensive and defensive weapons. The next step is bombs. A bomb is a weapon that is stronger than your normal weapons, but can only be used once per battle. This is immensely useful when your opponent is frozen from a freezing weapon (which I will cover in my next article. Due to bombs generally being used against a frozen opponent, the icon type does not matter; so we will focus on cost and icon amount. There are two kind of bombs: once per battle and one use. First, lets compare some common bombs from both varieties:
    1. Illusens Earth Potion
    Variety: Once per battle
    Price: 800np-1k
    Icons: 7-9

    2. Blood Grub
    Variety: Once per battle
    Price: 100k-200k
    Icons: 7-11

    3. Honey Potion
    Variety: Once per battle
    Price: 780k-800k
    Icons: 14-16

    4. Snow Mudball
    Variety: Once Use
    Price: 900np-1.1k
    Icons: 9.5-13.5

    5. Sticky Snowball
    Variety: Once Use
    Price: 200np-400np
    Icons: 8.5-12.5

    6. Stone Muffin
    Variety: Once Use
    Price: 1k-2k
    Icons: 13.5

    7. Shooting Star Muffin
    Variety: Once Use
    Price: 3k-4k
    Icons: 15

    After looking at the pros and cons my conclusion is the following: If you don't battle much but there is a particular match you need to win, go with the one use bombs. If you battle often or even occasionally and are fairly wealthy, my advice is to buy a honey potion when it is around 800k. It is a great weapon and a great investment. Once you no longer need it simply wait for a war and the price will rise to over 1 million neopoints; then you can sell it and make a nice profit. This means that instead of your neopoints rotting in the bank, you made over 200k by buying a great weapon and using it for a long period of time. That's all for now, hopefully this guide gave you a little more knowledge and aided you in your battledome career.



























    Guildly Dirt (Christine & Sparkly)


    So you may or may not have realised that by clicking the little 'Join Guild' link, you have unwittingly signed an unbidden contract legally binding you as minions to the communists of the guild."What contract?" I hear you ask. Well, you should have read the small print before you joined (now there's a lesson in life: ALWAYS READ THE SMALL PRINT!). So what have you so eagerly signed up for? Fear not!

    For I will reveal all in the following:

    The Neo.Anxious Communist Guild Contract

    Section A

    As you should well know (unless you are of a wee tender age), communists view each and every individual as an equal. Similarly, in the Neo.Anxious guild, those on council are to be worshipped due to their awesome equalness. Next in the hierarchy of equalness are the activities committee members as they too unintentionally signed a contract, handing their soul over, and even now do not realise that they are forever doomed.Currently the equally almighty ruler of this guild is Lori (aka luverbunnyz if you haven't already guessed) who runs the guild in a dictatorship manner. Due to this arrangement you must all bow down before her and show her your appreciation by sending her as many neomails as possible (we all know how much she luuuurves those!) and when she smacks you in the head, just send over a pretty item (rainbow dung will do) and she'll probably reject it but just keep sending it in case she hits that 'accept' button by accident!

    Also, when Lori makes a joke, no matter how appallingly bad it is, you MUST respond with "jajaja" or else you will suffer the consequences!

    Section B

    This part is all about the rules. The first rule is, of course, that you must abide by this contract. Word for word. This is then followed by the 'no ch4tsp34k or spamming' rule. Any form of numbers, symbols, abbreviations, replaced letters, exclamation marks, apostrophes, typos or just plain spam are disallowed. If you misspell any word you will have to pay penance and write out the correct spelling 3 times over (15 if we don't like you) and any form of spam will be followed by a mob of Angry Neopians.The second rule strictly forbids begging and scamming. Which is pretty darn obvious considering that the same rules are in the terms and conditions for when you sign up for Neopets.com itself (Did you not read THAT contract either?). The act of begging wil lbe followed by the consumption of all your pp (Lori gets quite hungry sometimes) and attempting to scam any of the members of our guild... Well, let's just say you reaaally wouldn't want to be a scammer in the presence of Lori.

    The third rule, "Participate and have fun", is just there to entice people into joining.

    The fourth, "No Insults" rule applies to every single person in the guild, except Lori, because otherwise she'd have nothing to say. If you insult a member you will again be pursued by another mob of Angry Neopians but this time, they will have pitch forks and torches.

    Follow the Neorules" – self explanatory, if you break these not only will you probably get kicked out the guild, but you will most likely be frozen too. Remember you must NOT post 'aliens' or 'bad as' as these are strictly forbidden by the Neorules!

    The "Enable Guild Mailings" rule is there because you know what the minions are forced to do when we need to neomail everyone? Yep, that's right, the minions have to do it seeing as a lot of people have not enabled guild mailings!

    Section C

    Of COURSE you must remember that infamous question, "What do you think about Rainbow Dung?". I guess not it's time for an explanation. If you often lurk or post (I hope it's the latter) on the guild boards, you may have noticed a common reoccurring theme alon the lines of, "You're stinky!" or , "Sayan Smells." This is because we, expecially Sayan, like to spend our time in the company of dung (Rainbow Dung would be an extra bonus though). The smell of fresh dung is something you, too, must learn to enjoy!

    Section D

    Another strict rule in Neo.Anxious is that you must learn to control your diet (we can't afford to have random parts of the guild webbie eaten by you people). Luckily a new source of food has been discovered. Socks. Yes, you heard me. As well as being filled with nutritious fungi, they are often accompanied by their lovely fragrance as if they have been brushed against the lovliest of flowers (and possibly poop too).

    Section E

    Participation in these activities is crucial, otherwise the RagingLoriDemon (otherwise known as Lori) will bear down upon you and you won't get any PP!! And we all know that PP is the one thing that everyone strives for nowadays (Stop livin' in the past! NP is old money!)What is this PP that I talk of? No. Not Peophin Poop but Participation Points. You can redeem spiffy prizes at the redemption center as well as temporarily hand in PP in order to borrow items for avatars. You can ONLY do this in the first week of every month and if you decide otherwise, you will be smitten down and half your PP will be eaten (by the hungry people who didn't stick to the sock diet). If you miss redemption week completely then don't worry! The blue kacheek that used to run away with your pp has been caught and reprimanded so you now get to keep your PP to spend in another first week of the month!

    Section F

    Communists are taking over. Deal with it.(more on the communists of the guild – next issue)

    Section G

    So, which bright spark realised that we must ensnare our members with a binding contract? Which smart button conjured up an evil plan to stop people from escaping our deadly trap? Haven't guessed yet? Why it's sparkly (sparkly_button), of course! If you are horrified or appalled at this contract that you have signed without reading, you should drop her a neomail of complaint followed shortly by 10 piles of rainbow dung :)

    Section H

    You will treat Rainbow__Dung like the king he is. You will polish his crown. You will send him lots of books. You will kiss his feet. If he likes you, he might let you consume his socks. On the count of 3 I will click my fingers, you will wake up, you will do exactly as I have commanded. You will remember nothing.

    Section I

    Well, we couldn't do without this section, the section about how we all know what the greatest guild in all of Neo.pia is. Even out Neo.pets agree with us. I'd be willing to bet Neo.points on it too. I also sent lots of Neo.mails to my friends to tell them this as well. Durr, the answer is Neo.anxious!I hope you enjoyed reading about what you've really gotten yourself into! More on Communism in the next section!


























    Lori Conundrum (Lori)


    Last month's conundrum answer:

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    This month's puzzle:

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    Neopian Advice (Misty)


    Is there any Jester neopets (can be painted jester)?

    No. I wish. Check out the royal pets though; there might be something that resembles one.

    Is there such a thing as an Ogrin trans. Potion?

    No. Sorry.

    On thursday I bought a paint brush at the hidden tower, but now i can't go back... why?

    TNT recently put a four month age limit on it.

    Are Adam Powell and Donna Williams married? They created the site together.

    Yeahno. Williams…Powell…enough said. And why would they have to be married to create a site. As far as I know, they aren't.

    How do you get a Lutari?

    You must have Neopets mobile.

    How do you enter the beauty contest?

    http://neopets.com/beauty/upload.phtml

    How do I get to my neohome?

    http://www.neopets.com/neohome.phtml

    I am finding it hard to answer question that I don't have. I have had to search the boards for these. If you EVER have a neopets related question PLEASE neomail it to me. Thank you!!


























    Neopian Advice (Christine)


    1. I'm not receiving items that people are sending me! What's going on? Is it another glitch?

    No, it's not a glitch. There is a new system where the receiver can now either accept the item or reject the item that is being sent to them. On your events page, it should link you to the item event log, where you can choose to accept or reject the item. You can also go to your inventory page, where there is a link to the item event log. The item will not appear in your inventory until you accept it.

    2. Where did the stock market go?

    Click 'Games' on the menu and then scroll down a little. There is a link to the stock market on the right under 'board games' . Now, how the stock market is a board game I just don't know x_x

    3. What is Neovia?

    It is a new town in the Haunted Woods that was a part of the Tale of Woe Plot. You can find it bye clicking on the gypsy camp (just above spooky petpets) in the Haunted Woods and then clickingFollow the creepy path past the edge of the camp...

    4. Which foods are Gourmet foods?

    Any food that has a rarity between 90 and 100

    5. Where is Jelly World???

    What are you talking about... There is no such place *shifty eyes*


























    Shopping Bazaar (SM)


    This month's edition of the shopping bazaar features one of the most profitable shops in neopia to restock at. This shop located in brightvale is the royal potionary. This shop's most famous item is the leaded elemental vial which sells from anywhere between 20 and 35 million neopoints. For some people, it take months of hard work just to get 1 million neopoints; with restocking at the potionary, if you just get lucky once you're instantly extremely rich. Of course, this is easier said than done and you will have to have a lot of luck and be quicker than a horde of people and get an item such as this. Of course, there are many other great items at the potionary that yield high profits such as the other elemental vials: water and light. Some other popular items at the royal potionary are the prickly potion, jittery jipple potion, steaming skeem potion, and psellias blessing. As with all form of restocking, this will take a lot of luck and practice, but if you keep focused you can make some very nice profits here.

    Now that you know a bit about this shop, the question becomes, "is it the right place for you?" Many expert restockers dwell here, so if you are begginer it would be a better idea to start out somewhere else. However, if you are already an expert restocker this is one of the best places to restock in neopia. The profits that people can make are tremendous, and a week of refreshing here could make you more neopoints than you had ever expected to see in your life. However, you need at least 200k starting out to restock here, and as has been said a lot of time and patience. Restocking (especiallly at the royal potionary) is not for everyone, but just remember this; if you get one lucky click you could have 30 million new neopoints; which can buy everything except the most expensive items, and with the 30 mil it will be very easy to make more. Good luck restocking.


























    So They Say (Molly)


    Will Mystery Island prevail? This month's interview describes a true supporter. Sm!


    So, how did you end up with the neopets you have today?
    Well, my first pet was a blue scorchio that I named Glazra. After many months of making neopoints and some breaks, I returned to neo and spent the neopoints I had accumulated on the final pieces to the lab ray which I hadn't gotten from random events and a camouflage paint brush for my scorchio. I then got a new pet to use for my lab ray, (Cleofonte) who started out as a blue eyrie. After she became a fire eyrie, I decided to leave her like that and get a third pet, which started out as a kougra. I am still zapping Dracepheus to this day, and that is how I ended up with my current pets.


    What do you like doing on neopets that is non guild related?
    Well, I don't do much other than talk on the guild, but I have been participating a lot in the altador cup recently. Tomorrow we play Darigan, so I will be playing for the entire day. On a regular basis the only things I do are dailies and the stock market though. I tend to be doing at least one big thing during a month, whether it's neoquest 2, the altador cup, plushie tycoon, or something else along those lines.


    Who do you think will win the Altador cup, why?
    That is a very tough question. At the moment I write this, the top 3 teams in the cup are KI, RI, and MI. One of these three teams will win the cup undoubtedly. RI just came off a spectacular win against DC, KI hasn't been challenged yet, and MI has hasn't been challennged yet. I hope MI wins and I think they will if they beat DC tomorrow, but if they don't I would have to say I think Roo Island will win. So in other words, if MI beats DC, MI will win, If DC beats MI, RI will win.


    Do you like to hoard your neopoints?
    I don't like to spend any neopoints and my goal is always to get more and more, so I would have to answer yes to that question.


    Do you role play or write? If so, please give the readers an example!
    Well, I do write some, but instead of me posting an example here you can just read one of my articles. I should have both a guide and shop bazaar article in this month's newspaper.


    Describe the process you went through to find this perfect guild. Who referred you?
    This is a rather interesting story actually. I had taken a break from neo for a while, so I returned in April I believe. At that time I joined just about any guild I could find. The guild in particular that I joined was known as Memoirs, and it was a new guild that was doing okay. Then the leader suddenly became inactive. After a while the entire guild began to look for a new guild. We would go on to the guild boards and say a guild of 30 active members is looking for a guild. Naturally this drew a huge amount of attention and we had boards that lasted until they hit 500 posts. We had a huge list of guilds, but none were that great. Summer, (Copland15) a member of the guild told me about it and I, her and Keith, (RXV) decided to join. She had already joined, so Keith and I worked on our applications then sent them to Lori.


    If you were stranded on an island, and you had to bring a neopets item with you, what would it be?
    I would bring a faerie paint brush, paint a local creature with it, then fly off the island. Unless it was mystery island, in which case I would stay.


    What is your favorite thing to do on a weekend?
    To learn life lessons from Lori. Such as you never really know the value of water until the well is dry and always expect the unexpected . . . I think those were some of her lessons anyway.


    Have you thought about what you want to do as a career?
    I have thought about this some, yes. At the moment I'm considering something involving entrepreneurship, or perhaps the stock market or economy; I haven't narrowed it down much further as of yet.


    What were the four words you used to describe yourself on your Neo.Anxious application?
    You know, I don't remember exactly what it was. It was something like wise, kind, generous, and wealthy, but I don't think those were the exact words I used.



























    June 07 Articles




























    *Guildly Dirt (Christine & Lori)


    The Insiders List

    V ufe'c deunabcreu r jfau lfd'an brlvep...

    Well, neither do I. Are you a tad confused as to what I'm on about? Don't worry, so am I. Hopefully this article will clear up a few things as to what on earth is going on in this guild all the time! Actually, it might just confuse you even more so read at your own risk!

    Would you like some Flatulence?

    One of the first things I remember when I first joined this guild is our most interesting discussion on the price of an item. Using my superior knowledge of long words, I stated that, "it fluctuates!"

    To my horror and surprise, my most intellectual statement was replied with (by Ayan), "Isn't that when you have gas?" So I thought about this for a while and then it clicked. Whilst Flatulence and Fluctuate are similar words, for they do share the same first two letters, they actually mean different things! *pats Sayan on the back*

    flat•u•lence n. - The presence of excessive gas in the digestive tract.

    fluc•tu•ate v. - To vary irregularly.

    Not quite the same...

    Anyhoo, following on from this, we discovered that we all had one thing in common. Our love of flatulence. Lori came up with the -disallowed_word-ok, so we didn't actually go as far as that...)

    The Names

    So the other day I was walking the dog and along the way I met Elori as she was looking for Rainbow Dung. What was that? Who's Elori? Y-you don't know?? Oh I see, you probably know her as Lori!

    You've probably guessed by now that this section is about the many names that we've acquired. There seem to be a multitude of names flying about for everyone. Starting with Elori: A while ago there was an activity, "Who killed Bob?" with 5 main suspects, Attie, Becca, Christine, Diva and Lori. Did you spot the odd one out? Well, Lori did. She noticed that all the names were in alphabetical order except herself (she obviously likes looking at her own name!) and so Misty renamed her to Elori. What genius!

    Sayan's wondrous name came about in a more accidental fashion. Ayan, Misty, and Lori were advertising one day Misty accidentally called Ayan Sayan, and of course Ayan made a dramatic display. Lori then encouraged everyone to call her Sayan, and today a Sayan is a creature who resides in India, Asia, and parts of Africa. How can you recognize one? They're a cross between an elephant and a jaguar (due to Ayan's love of food). But the most wonderful thing about Sayans is...she's the only one! Er...my list of names is a wee bit extensive. Not including my real name: X-TINE, Plank, Plankton, Christopher Columbus, Numbskull. I respond to all. Again some of these names... actually all of these names, involve the influence of Smelly Lori. X-TINE and Plank came from my website, which Lori decided to spread the word and then Plank evolved (or rather un-evolved) into Plankton, which coincided with the Pirates vs. Maraquan war. Christopher Columbus became one of my aliases when Lori was surfing my account and decided to proclaim her true gender as a boy (she obviously forgot to post in her OWN account rather than mine). I tried to tell people that it was actually my spaz-hand posting spazzy messages but she almost convinced people not that my name was Christopher Columbus but rather that I was a crazy old lady having an argument with herself about her own name and gender.

    Sarkly (formally known as Sparkly) was renamed when Molly accidentally said 's to the arkly' so Lori (her again) decided to stick with it.

    The Name Poll

    Which name is cooler?

    • lori (YAY)

    • plankton (ew!)

    So one day, Lori and I were advertising and we happened upon the same board and decided to stay and chat. We actually stayed there for a whole 2 hours or so indirectly scaring the creator of the board into joining our guild. Lori's and my conversation ended up in a heated debate as to whose name is cooler (Plankton, duh or Lori, gross).

    This was carried onto the guild boards when we made a poll. THE RESULTS MEAN NOTHING. Just because Lori got more votes, it doesn't mean that she won.

    The War

    This name debate developed into a full-blown guild war - Pirates vs Maraquans! And just because the pirates got more points, it doesn't mean they won either! We entered this war ignorant and foolish (at least Lori did) but we ended the guild after being imparted with great wisdom including:

    • War creates global warming

    • Lori is a pirate at heart (YARR)

    • If you hear the cackling of a MAD PIRATE CAPTAIN, it's probably Lori

    • 'Koi Kelp' is a Maraquan saying that can be adapted for the situation it's used in (eg. "KOI KELP he ate my eyeball!" or "yea, man, I'm just koi kelping around")

    Cokies

    Did you ever notice the resemblance between Coke and Cookies and Chels? Well, they must obviously be related. What do you get if you mix Coke and Cookies? Why, Cokies of course! According to Sparkly, they are little pastries made out of drinks. Mmm delicious. My body stay vicious, I be up...erm, back to the article.

    Ayan's Antics

    Well, it seems Ayan gets a whole section to herself because of the madness that she spreads in the guild! You probably know that she is anemic and can't stop chewing on people..well one day she was running into statues as usual, so we had to create a secret room for her so as not to scare new members away. She became so bored locked up in there that I guess she started eating the chainsaw statues! From then on, Trina had to buy a continuous supply of statues. However, when the moving men came in to put the statues in the secret room, Ayan bit them!

    Electric Feces

    Well, we were reminiscing about the good old inside jokes and Ayan mentioned the electric fence (which I don't know the story behind), but she spelled it electric feces. Lori, of course, had to stand up for what was right and valiantly defended Rainbow Dung, the rival of electric feces!

    Charity

    One of the fundamental rules of the guild is to never give charity to Lori. You can't give her anything from an omelette to a paint brush, because she will consider it charity as well as an insult to her neopoint status. Two of the greatest guild feuds had been about charity, Lori against Trina/Kit about a 50k donation to Lori's fountain faerie quest, and Lori against Buck with a Meuka Pinata for Lori's avatar. Lori won both times so don't you dare mess with her. I've also heard rumors that Trina has joined the dark side and is not accepting charity as well. Well, what must I say, she learns from the best!

    Pulling a Lori

    You've most likely pulled a Lori without knowing, but pulling a Lori means saying you have to go, and then not leaving. Waste of time really, because everyone has to say bye to you multiple times until they just start ignoring you. How can you spot someone pulling a Lori? The conversation will go something like this: "Gotta go now, bye!" -30 seconds later- "Okay bye for real!" -30 seconds later- "Okay seriously, gotta go." -30 seconds later- "Bye for no-even-kidding-real!" -30 seconds later- Okay, you get the point.

    Lori's Big Head

    A most popular conversation piece, if there's an awkward silence you should just start talking about how big Lori's head/ego is (in fact, she needs to make her font size bigger to hold up her big head. I hear it's bigger than Columbus' three ships)! If it gets any bigger she might float away and we'll never see her again! *whew* if only.

    600K

    One day, Lori was looking at her bank when -WHA!?- she realized she had less than 6mil in her bank! Heartbroken, she asked me for 600k, so I told her to put a trade up. Then her charity rule wouldn't accept it but she decided it was fun to annoy me and has been asking for 600k from me ever since. I now choose to ignore Lori when she uses a phrase including any of the words '600k', 'lend', 'please', 'poor' and 'gimme'.

    Great Minds...

    The term Great Minds comes from the -disallowed_word-the hypocritic suckup)

    Brit, a former guild member, had just joined and posted something like "Lori I love your font!" on the board. Ayan called her a suckup, and Brit countered back by saying everyone in the guild worshipped Ayan for their items, and then Brit said some pretty nasty things to Ayan. Lori flipped out (boy was that scary!) and Brit was blocked from the guild. Moral of the story: guild members get very defensive when you talk smack about their beloved guild friends, so don't. Also, we've adopted the saying about how cute Lori's font is.

    thunk.com

    One day, Zi, Kit, Rita, and Lori were making up their own code to talk on the guild boards. Then Zi said something in a code we totally didn't understand, and later she revealed that there was a code-making machine on thunk.com. Eventually, many guild members found out about this wonderful website :D You can decode the top part of this article by going there.

    Post

    Most times the subject of guild messages will be "Post" or "Re: Post." This is Lori's doing; she always always always posts on the guild board with the subject, "Post." So if you're confused about who you're talking to on the guild account (neoanxious), just look at the subject.

    MRSA

    Also known as Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, this is a type of bacterium that infects the skin and causes a rash, a swollen area, itchiness, pus, and possible death. When did this come up?? Well, Lori mentioned that her leg was itchy, and Buck assumed the worst so she told Lori that she had MRSA. Sm then diagnosed Lori as turning into Meuka due to all the pus dripping from her. Be sure to stay away...

    Dr. Sloth

    One day, Lori was putting up the jelly guild layout with the flashing logo when she thought it'd be funny to change the guild colors to rainbow colors, making the fonts hard to read and nothing matched. She then proclaimed that she had turned the guild over to her master, Dr. Sloth, and converted the guild to be directed towards children of 8 years old and younger. Some people took this joke seriously and Mia even wrote an application for the guild from an 8 year old!

    Europeans

    I don't remember how this started, but it was quite a while ago when Trina and Lori found out I was British and started making fun of me for my eating habits especially (tea and cakes). Now, anything I say will be turned against me (kinda like that self-incrimination law you crazy Americans have) so you'll hear me say something totally unrelated to Europe, such as "I've never heard of Moose Tracks ice cream" and Trina will tell me that it's because we pesky Europeans are too busy eating tea and cakes to have a taste of some quality ice cream.

    Communists

    The communists were first introduced when Trina and Lori were talking about how China is communistic. A long while after that first conversation, Lori posted like 20 laughing smileys and said, "That, my friend, is communism," because all the smileys were the same, and in a communistic society, supposedly everyone is equal. Although I would consider the guild an oligarchy, the communists still lurk and if you're lucky enough, you can see them updating some of their favorite activities.

    Jajaja

    One fateful day, I was IM'ing Lori when I accidentally misspelled hahaha as jajaja. Since then, Lori has never let me live it down and she continuously posts jajaja in place of hahaha.

    Talsawarrot

    Long ago, I once had a lookup which was made to look like a pet lookup (It was quite spiffy if I may say so myself). I was a Talmu from the Year 7 April Fools Joke which explains the 'Tal' part. I reckon this must've been around the time of Sayan's Chainsaw-eating habits as I believe 'saw' came from either saw (haha) or chainsaw. As for the 'arrot' I must've been a carrot. Erm…don't ask why…maybe Sayan will know the answer.

    What the BEEF?

    An all too common phrase from Sayan is, "What the BEEF?". At one point she put "my bff Christine?" in her sig so I told her that she had actually misspelled it as it should be ,"my beef Christine?". She promptly corrected it and in my font I had, "Which LAMB is Sayan?" but we decided that we needed a PORK and Chels was given that special position (although I don't think she knows about it yet!)

    Lori-Repellent

    Put your hands up if you've ever been attacked, insulted or harassed by Lori. Yep, pretty much the whole room, that's what I thought. Do not worry! We have brand new scientifically-proven-to-work Lori-Repellent! Just spray it in the direction of Lori and you will hopefully be protected from her rampage!

    Who thought of this brilliant-genius idea? I haven't a clue but Sayan suspects that a white monkey came up with it. It could possibly Misty though, but even she has a rusty mind about it :P

    We don't like Arguments

    And to prove this Misty made the marvelous Friendship Bus and I made the WHCOL (Warm Happy Circle Of Love) which now resides in Misty's Friendship Bus. The WHCOL has currently teamed up with the Kids of Computer Geeks and Smelly Presence Organization to form the WHCOLS in PoKoCGaSPO. (Warm Happy Circle Of Love Society in Protection of Kids of Computer Geeks and Smelly Presence Organization)

    And now that you've finished reading this list of all the insiders we could think of, hopefully our strange and seemingly random posts are explained! Also, Lori seems to be hinting that soon a war will overtake the guild, which the theme of the war can be found in one of these mysterious inside jokes...who knows?


























    *Soapbox (Sparkly & Christine)


    That's a Rap



    Molly:
    Yeah that is right, I can rap,
    But don't hold on me back,
    I can really whack!
    What are you Santa,
    Can you give me a fanta? Lori:
     Don't you wanta?
    -----------
    Face it Sarks
    We're on the marks
    This guild is now gangstuh
    And we can show yuh
    Sparkly:
    This rappin' givin' me a headache,
    Why don't you just take a long LONG break?
    Lori:
    See now you're gettin in the groove
    So get on up and show us how you mooove
    Sparkly:
    Fo shizzle!
    Lori:
    I swear to god we're cool
    Like ja rule..
    Sparkly:
    Lori needs some mental help,
    Let's give out a really big yelp.
    Molly:
    WHERE ARE YOU CHRISTINE.
    NAW MEAN?
    Lori:
    Sparkly here think she can rhyme
    Listening to her is like a crime.
    Sparkly:
    You read my mind.
    Lori's head is way too big,
    I'm gonna go and get a fig.
    Lori:
    My head is just fine
    Only because it's mine
    Matter o' fact
    I'm learning about wine!
    Another route to NAD+ produces alcohol (ethanol) as a by-product:
    pyruvate + NADHethyl alcohol + NAD+ + CO2
    Alcoholic fermentation is the source of ethyl alcohol present in wines and liquors. It also accounts for the bubbles in bread. When yeast in bread dough runs out of oxygen, it goes through alcoholic fermentation, producing carbon dioxide. These carbon dioxide bubbles create spaces in the dough and cause it to rise.

    Molly:
    Hey I think just last night,
    You used rhyme and crime, yeah that's right!
    Lori:
    You were raggin
    On my literary devices
    I was braggin
    It suffices
    Sparkly:
    This poem really rocks,
    I think we should use it for the Soapbox!
    Lori:
    We will if you can put it together
    It'll be cool-word to your mother
    Sparkly:
    Lori, this is really lame,
    We'd better stop this childish game.
    Lori:
    Really? I think it's cool
    We should have a rhyme duel.
    Molly
    If we are going to duel,
    I better get me rapping stool.
    Sparkly:
    No way,
    I say.
    Lori:
    Scared?
    (as if I cared)
    Misty:
    I hear all the stuff you are puttin' down.
    But 'choo can't beat me, I'm the queen with the crown.
    So stop your rhyming, it puts pain in my head.
    Why don't you all just go to bed.
    Hey 'yall I'm on for awhile.
    But don't get attached, like floor to a tile.
    I'm here to hang out and see what is up.
    So give me a word to put in my queen's cup.
    Lori:
    Dang Mistuh's got some seros skills
    Rhymes like one that kills
    Misty:
    Aw. Shucks.
    Soon I'll be makin' bucks.
    Till that time
    I'll just make some rhymes.
    Lori:
    Well I'm the one with the cellular respiration
    Been the best at that from the start of creation
    Misty:
    You may be puttin' all your cells into motion,
    But I know that you just haven't got a notion.
    The skills that I have are out of this world,
    Would you look at that, you just got swirled.
    Lori:
    Ouch you think you just burned me
    But really you're just starting to see
    My superior knowledge of DNA
    So don't mess wit da best, kay?
    Misty:
    The Earth Faerie says 'Tum de dum... im waiting for my Nanka Bottle.
    Lori:
    There's your bottle
    Now start to grovel
    Chris:
    Yo. This rhyming is getting damn scary.
    I think I'll get out before it gets too hairy.
    Lori:
    That's cuz you can't handle the heat
    You're an easy one to beat.
    ----------
    Take a good look at the guild name
    it's different, ain't the same.
    Changing it back fast
    someone take a screenie that'll last
    -neo.anxious changed to neo.gangstuhh-
    Chris:
    You ain't seen the best of me yet,
    I don't see you as any kind of threat.
    Lori:
    Let's see what you got,
    put it down
    if your skills rot,
    get outta town
    Misty:
    I'll be messin' with the best as long as I know,
    You can be beat, 'cause this is all just a show.
    We all know who is at the top of the list,
    Her name is simple, she goes by Mist.
    Lori:
    Simple to beat, you mean
    No one can mirror how I lean
    wit it rock wit it
    y'all can't beat me one bit
    Ayan:
    oO we are ganstah now?
    Lori:
    I know I am.
    Remember Sam?
    He started this all
    But we made him fall
    Chris:
    My skillz are the bomb
    You know it
    I can't go wrong
    My rapping is at the top
    Can't beat it
    I can go n-blocked-
    Lori:
    Wrong and bomb don't rhyme
    You might want to spend more time.
    Misty:
    The screenie is shot,
    The story is told,
    Now change it back,
    Before I get old.
    Chris:
    It's called artistic license
    It rolls off the tongue,
    I think you need some guidance
    cause your rhyming's lik dung.
    Lori:
    Guys I swear we're not losers
    just a couple of cool neo-users
    Sparkly:
    I guess we'd better stop this song,
    Cuz' it's just so wrong,
    We'd all better just run along,
    Before this goes on all day long!
    FO SHIZZLE!


























    Around Neopia (Wes)


    Welcome to Around Neopia with Wes. This months world is the the...Haunted woods. *Sigh* why did I get this job. Well anyway lets begin. We will start with the Game Graveyard. The place were dead games come and take there final leave. Also if you refresh there you could get lucky and get the Game graveyard avatar. Edna's tower isn't the best place to be sneaking around. Here, if you manage to get inside, you can do one of Edna's quest were you can when prizes. Although I wouldnt want to do them unless you want the avatar. *crack*...What was that? Must of been the wind. Anyway lets go to one of the greatest mind games in Neopia, Eliv Thade. Try to move around letters to get the correct word and move on. I bet you didn't know that Eliv Thade mean Evil Death. Ok now lets. "Im hungry!". Well Mr. Esophagor...um may I call you Eso for short?..."Me want food"...well um...RUN!........*pant pant*...Wait why am I running. Well that was weird. "Who Dares to step on my roots!"....Brain Tree i was just um...Want a cookie?..."GO AWAY NOW"...Yes Mr. Brain tree....*runs to the Fairgrounds*. Well this place cant be too bad...right? "Woods for cup! Woods for cup!"...*looks behind bush*. Well what do you know? Its the Haunted Woods Altador cup team. Looks like their getting ready for next months Altador cup. Well moving forward. Well theres nothin much here besides a bunch of fixed games, but if you get lucky you could when BIG neopoints. Well that concludes this episode of..."GET HIM"...what..ahhhh....*runs and smacks head on branch* *wakes up*...Where am I?...*looks down*...AHHHH *falls down big slope on a coaster*..-blocked- ME NEXT TIME WHEN WE SWIM IN KIKO LAKE....UNTIL NEXT...ahhhhhh!


























    Around Neopia (Sparkly)


    NEOPIA CENTRAL - I made my way to the Neopian Plaza. Only two things looked odd. Pizzaroo and the Music Shop. Why these two shops? Well Pizzaroo has a giant pizza on top of the store and the Music Shop is a giant brass instrument of some sort.
    Being the lazy bum I am, I went to the Music Shop since it's closer.

    As I walked in, I was met by a Red Kyrii in a dazzling tuxedo.
    Only the finest quality instruments for the finest musicians in Neopia!
    I must be very fine... I thought.
    What do you have there?", I asked.
    A double bass," said the Kyrii.
    You mean you have a fish?", I asked.
    ...customers......no musical......taste...

    I looked around for a while, admiring all the different instruments until...
    RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
    I looked around, red light were flashing, people were screaming and running around like sick plungers, and I was eating socks. Anyways I hid under a Wooden Washboard as people came in with fire hoses. Later I found out that a little Blue Gelert boy was trying to play the Fire Tambourine again.
    They clearly state in a poster right beside the cash register about choosing instruments.
    1) Never chose an instrument that isn't your colour. Ex. Fire pets with fire instruments.
    2) Make sure you can play it. Fingers are a must for most instruments. If you have no fingers why not try a tambourine.
    3) Do not try woodwinds if you have small lung capacity. Refrain from fainting.
    Well anyways, I picked up a Recorder as a souvenir and left before anybody tried the Wock Til You Drop Guitar.

    Moral: Do not set yourself on fire just to try an instrument.


























    Around Neopia (Misty)


    Ever been to Mystery Island? I thought so. Most everyone has. With the Trading Post, Tombola, Cooking Pot, and Island Mystic its a great place to go, but have you had the chance to travel through the wonders of the Tiki Tours?



    Well if you haven't you are missing out. It is an exciting journey of happy joy and fun times.



    First stop is the natives. Dressed in hula skirts and leis, they dance the night away as awed tourist look on in amazement.



    Next you spot the exotic vegetation and the great Techo Mountain. You travel through the dense jungle of lush plants.



    Techo Mountain is one of the 16 wonders of Neopia. The tour guide tells you of it's marvels and then takes you to the best hang outs on the island.



    Full of as much or little activity as you want you can laze the day away on a beach of golden sand.



    After relaxing for awhile you get a proper send off from the natives with some free souvenirs.


























    Council Editorial (Lori)


    Q: Why did the ranks change? --devilishangelic1
    A: By raising the minimum requirements for each rank, we hope to increase the participation in the guild, as well as honor those who have been extremely active in the guild.

    Q: What will I do tomorrow when I have no school? --whitecloud118
    A: Who knows?! =)

    Q: Why don't I have board or invite admin anymore? --made up
    A: There was too much confusion with the old ranks, some people were hyper and needed admin, some hyper people didn't even want admin, some people didn't understand why others under 500 posts had admin...you get the point. With the new rank system, we have removed ALL admin, and if anyone wants to apply for the Member Adoption Committee, they can do so on the website (link on the previous question/answer). With this new system, nobody's rank will change if you get on the member Adoption Committee. Your rank depends solely on the number of posts you make, with the exception of the "anxious" rank, which is reserved for Activities Committee members.

    Q: When can I apply for the Member Adoption Committe?
    --krissy_winds
    A: You can go to the website, and in the search bar, type in Member Adoption Committee. Or, you could just click here!

    Q: On the Gifts Of Second guessing, since Attie quit, who will send the gifts? --whitecloud118
    A: Don't worry, all activities are current and running, thanks to our wonderful Activities Committee! Christine is in charge of this activity.


























    Crossword (Lori)


    This month's theme: guild members! Let's see how well you know some of our loverly members' names (not usernames tehe).

    (click and drag)
    width='100'


























    Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


    Dear Mr. Muggles,
    It's me! Sparkly! Hmmm... What should I write about? I know! You said in your last letter you have a job! So how do you like your job? Do you help Sloth come up with plans in his office? What kind of plans? Were you the one who helped Sloth zap people to make them "tYp LyK D!S" and say stuff like "ooooommMMMGGG!!!!1111!!!!! lyk g!MME UR PlUSie p@!NtBrUsH or 1 MIIIILIIon NpSSSS!!!!!! or I w!LL kILL UUUUUU!!!!!11111!!!!!oneoneoneoneoneone!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!"? So you make robots? Are you friends with that Blue Grundo Plushie lying around Faerieland? Is he rigged(sp?) to a booby(sp?) trap? How much do you get paid? Could I have some Neopoints?

    Dear Sparkly,
    Hello. It is I, Mr. Muggles. I do like my job very much. Of course I help Sloth think of plans for WORLD DOMINATION ... er ... I mean to help out the Happiness Faerie. No, Sloth and I did not zap those people to be like that. We would NEVER do that. (When zapped with the n00bifier, results last 10-20 years, give or take a month. Results may vary. You should notify your doctor before using the n00bifier. After that you may want to consult a doctor.) Anyways, yes I do make robots. How else did I get Fayon? He's my ROBOT Boween. What are you talking about? There is no Blue Plushie Grundo lying around Faerieland equipped with a Bowling Ball of Pain, Superior Battle Plunger, Spatula Wand, and a Clown Chia Car ready to be launched to attack a ripe, unsuspecting(sp?) world in 2 months, 5 days, 19 hours, 55 minutes, and 38 seconds. My salerary(sp?) is my secret. And no you can't have my Neopoints.


























    Gallery (Christine)




    A comic that Sayan and I are waiting to be accepted into the NT!


























    Guide (Chels)


    Guide to Galleries

    -no_html_comments---[if !supportEmptyParas]--no_html_comments- -no_html_comments---[endif]--no_html_comments-

    The Gallery of all that is Delicious" you read on a user's lookup. The next lookup you find "Pink, Purple Paradise" located under the user's shop info. And on the third lookup you spot "Petpet Galleria". Everywhere you go, you see galleries. In the news they announce the gallery winner, and many users try to sell their items claiming it will go perfect with a specific gallery.

    -no_html_comments---[if !supportEmptyParas]--no_html_comments- -no_html_comments---[endif]--no_html_comments-

    The Ifs, Ands, and Buts of Galleries

    So what is, exactly, a gallery? A gallery is basically like a shop, except other users can only view what you have, rather than purchase it. In the previous days on Neopets, users would love to show off some things they got by putting it for 99,999 neopoints in their shops, a price that disabled users from purchasing these items. TNT apparently didn't like this, and so, instead, they created the Gallery. Here, you can edit your gallery, and store items that you like. You are not bound to going by only one theme, however, you can be awarded the Gallery Spotlight if you do have one special, specific theme.

    -no_html_comments---[if !supportEmptyParas]--no_html_comments- -no_html_comments---[endif]--no_html_comments-

    Editing a Gallery

    Galleries, just like shops, can be edited. Your gallery keeper can be changed to whichever you prefer and say what you want, and you can always change the name of the gallery. Likewise, a background can be added, the tables can be formatted, and cursor types can be changed.

    -no_html_comments---[if !supportEmptyParas]--no_html_comments- -no_html_comments---[endif]--no_html_comments-

    The way you edit a gallery is the same way that you edit your store. When you view your gallery information page, you see the exact same table that is used for a store. The first box asks you for your Gallery Name. The next box asks you for your Gallery Description, which is where you also put any HTML to change the background, table, font and cursor of the gallery. You can choose from the list a new keeper for your gallery, and you can format the keeper's name and what the keeper will say to any viewers. Lastly, there is the gallery upgrade box, which enables you to upgrade your gallery to a larger size. The price/ size correlation is the same as the shops.

    -no_html_comments---[if !supportEmptyParas]--no_html_comments- -no_html_comments---[endif]--no_html_comments-

    Gallery Ideas

    One of the hardest things about galleries, besides stocking it all up, is deciding what items to place in your gallery. Some people use theirs to store items that were given to them from friends, or to store items that they are lending for avatars. Guild leaders also use their galleries to store the guild prizes that members could win. But for the people that want a cool, unique gallery, or who just really want that gallery spotlight in their userlookup, they need to decide on a special theme for their gallery. Here is a list that I have compiled for gallery themes:

    -no_html_comments---[if !supportEmptyParas]--no_html_comments- -no_html_comments---[endif]--no_html_comments-

    • Do you see what eye see"- a gallery of all eye related items.
    • Paper glory"- a gallery of all paper related items.
    • I love Happiness"- a gallery of all sloth related items.
    • Love makes the world go round"- a gallery of all love related items.
    • Who said Jelly World isn't real?"-a gallery of all jelly related items.
    • Let it Snow!"- a gallery of all snowball related items.
    • Real men eat meat"- a gallery of all meat related items.
    • Say CHEESE!"- a gallery of all cheese related items.
    • Something's Fruity…"- a gallery of all fruit related items.
    • I Took Your Shirts"- a gallery of all shirt related items.

    -no_html_comments---[if !supportEmptyParas]--no_html_comments- -no_html_comments---[endif]--no_html_comments-

    These are just ten ideas of mine that I hope can help you decide what you want to do for your gallery. If you like one of my ideas, you can neomail me and let me know. My next guides might be on the price of these items and which items are included in the gallery so that you are able to make the perfect, complete gallery.



























    Guide (SM)


    To follow my article about the best constant weapons at affordable prices, I will now tell you about defense, what is better to use; shields or dual duties, which defenders are better than others, and ultimately whether using defense is worth it, and if so, when?

    To begin, you must remember that you are trying to do more net damage than is dealt to you. For example, if you are blocking 7 icons and you have a weapon that does 9, there is no reason you should be using that defender; even if it has the potential to block 9 icons it isn't worth it. In other words, if you are using a pure shield it needs to be defending more icons than your constant attackers for there to be any purpose in using it. Remember before you decide whether you want to use a defender or not, look at your pet's stats. If you have a higher strength boost than defense boost, don't use defenders because you won't be blocking enough damage. However, strength does affect dual-duty weapons, so you may want to consider using one of those for a defense if it is absolutely necessary.

    The question is then raised, should I be using a defender, or a dual duty? Now, first we will say you pet has even stats, all 55. Both your strength and defense boost are at 55, so not needing to use defense isn't a factor. Let's compare the most popular dual-duty and the most popular shield: The scarab ring and leaf shield.

    Scarab Ring:
    Attack: 2 water, 2 dark, 2 physical
    Defense: 3 fire, 3 physical

    Leaf Shield:
    Defense: 5 earth, 5 water, 3 physical

    Now the leaf shield costs over 3 times as much as the scarab ring, but we won't be using that to make our decision. The leaf shield does a net 13 icons while the scarab ring does 12. Both weapons defend 3 physical. The difference is the scarab ring also does 6 icons of offence and blocks 3 fire. The leaf shield blocks 5 water and 5 earth. The scarab ring will always do 6 icons, so the only way the leaf shield is better is if your opponent is using both earth and water. To conclude here, in rare situations a leaf shield is better than a scarab ring; but unless you know what your opponent will throw a dual duty is always the wiser choice.

    Now, this is just one example. Now I will compare one of the greatest shields and one of the greatest dual duties: Ghostkershield and Ring of the Lost.

    Ring of the Lost:
    Attack: 5 fire, 5 light
    Defense: All dark

    Ghostkershield:
    Defense: All dark, 3 air, 5 earth, 3 light, 5 physical.

    Once again the dual-duty is quite a bit cheaper than the shield. Is the extra amount of neopoints worth it? The ring of the lost does a net 10 icons and blocks all dark, while the ghostkershield does 16 icons of net damage and blocks all dark. Now the ghostkershield's famous use is against the Sword of Skardsen, lets see what these weapons do to it head to head.

    Against Ghostkershield: SoS does 0-4 icons of damage

    Against Ring of the Lost: SoS does 2-9 icons of damage, while RoTL does 10.

    The ghostkershield is a great weapon and possibly the best pure shield, yet even it isn't as good as its counterpart dual duty. In the correct situation a shield is great, but they should be used sparingly. More often than not there is a better dual-duty than the shield you have.

    Now remember this was with a pet that has even stats, the dual duty is way better if a pet has higher strength boost and, vise versa, the shield is better with a higher defense boost.

    My conclusion: If your pet has a strength boost higher than its defense boost, only use weapons that block all of an icon, but at early levels this means don't use defense. If you pet has an equal strength and defense boost, use dual duty weapons as defense. If you trained your defense boost higher than your strength boost, use pure shields as defense.

    If you aren't sure a weapon is worth it, don't hesitate to ask me.


























    Lori Conundrum (Lori)


    Here's the answer to last issue's Lori Conundrum!

    (click and drag)
    width='100'

    And now, this month's puzzle:

    (click and drag)
    width='100'


























    Neopian Advice (Christine)


    How do I get Tyrannian Army Points?

    Previously there was a plot that would give you Tyrannian Army Points if you participated in it. The plot is now closed and you cannot get points this way, the only method now is through a random event in Tyrannia

    How do I get a Fountain Faerie Quest?
    This, like other faerie quests, is a random event. Once you get an FFQ, you will not be able to access the shop wizard. After you have completed the quest, you will be able to paint any pet (by changing the active pet) a range of different colours once.

    How come I can't edit my petpage anymore?
    You can, but the link is in a different place. If you click on 'My Account', you will find it at the bottom by clicking on 'Edit Pet Page'

    Why can't I see the pet on the pet lookups?
    It's a glitch. According to the editorial, TNT are currently working on it.

    I have all 9 Petpet map pieces but it wont show up on the map page thingy can any one help me or is it there is no petpet map step up yet?
    You need the 9 Laboratory map pieces first for access to the Pet Lab Ray before you can access the Petpet Lab Ray.


























    Neopian Advice (Misty)


    Question: Where are backgrounds?
    Answer: Check them out here. Or you can type background in to the search box.

    Question: Why is Christine so annoying? (submitted by Lori)
    Answer: I do believe that comes from HCAD, Highly Contagious Annoyance Disorder. This disorder (Recently discovered by the great scientist Misty) is seen as rather annoying. Some symptoms include highly annoying comments, sarcasm, and presiding in England.

    Question: What clothing items are wearable so far?
    Answer: -answer currently unavailable-

    Question: Is there a Maraquan pet that looks like a jellyfish?
    Answer: The petpet that is most like a jellyfish is the Felly, though they are not Maraquan. The Maraquan petpet most like a jellyfish is the Neucloop.

    Question: Why does everyone on neopets say Lori has a big head?
    Answer: According to popular myths the great Lori is the owner of a rather large head. This reporter believes that it is either because of her great knowledge of quotes and other subjects or it is filled with the large amount of rainbow dung that she has acquired.

    Question: When will somebody in general sell their item in general that happens to generally be a paint brush in the general color of shadow, generally? (submitted by Lori)
    Answer: I generally believe that I am not physic, though generally I would make the general assumption that this somebody would sell it when they felt they no longer wanted to posses it. But that is all assumption based on general information…generally.


























    Rant & Rave (Christine)


    The New NeoLook

    I've seen many different views on the new look, mostly being, "OMG I luuuurve it!" or, "GROSS! It's horrible!" I guess you could describe it as marmite – You either love it or hate it.

    width='400'width='400'Personally I think it's mostly an improvement but there are still a couple of features that niggle my sniggle a little.

    Rave

    The one thing that I absolutely love is the new menu system. The pages are so much more accessible since most of them are listed in the menu bar, for example, the Neopian Times. Previously you had to click 'News' first and then click on 'Neopian Times', but now it's just one click away as all you have to do is let your mouse hover over News and then click on 'Neopian Times'.

    The next best thing is the Daily Puzzle. I mean C'MON! Free nps! Who wouldn't love that? The questions are usually very simple with answers that can be looked up like, "How many Neopoints must you have saved to acquire a Neopian Mega-Riches account?" and every now and then, the same question is asked a few days in a row and you are allowed on each day even if it is a repeated question.

    The Neofriend Module is great for seeing when people are online_ In fact, it's another step towards stalking people and it should really be renamed to the NeoStalker Module! It's also fun to see how insanely long some people spend on Neopets. I've seen someone online for at least 12 hours!

    Above the Neofriend Module is Neopet Module. A display that shows various stats of your active pet. It is a useful way of reminding me to actually feed my pet once in a while :P. It is also often accompanied by confused and misleading comments from your pet like, "Destruct-O-Match sounds like fun right about now.

    Your pets can now be customized to make them even more unique. The first demonstration of these customisable pets caused an outcry as people believed that the prices of paint brushes would deflate (or as Lori would say: Inflate) but it turns out that using paint brushes, like pirate, on your pet creates items of clothing that you can choose whether your pet wears them or not. Even if you neither have a painted pet nor any clothes, you can still change the background to various starry colours!

    The actual urls for userlookups and pet lookups are now much simpler and a lot less...random. Userlookup urls used to be, "http://www.neopets.com/randomfriend.phtml?user=USERNAME" whilst people that I look up up are not usually just random friends! Now it's, "http://www.neopets.com/userlookup.phtml?user=USERNAME" which makes a little more sense! The Pet Lookup link was previously in the format of, "http://www.neopets.com/search.phtml?selected_type=pet&string=PETNAME", a very long winded url which no one will remember easily! It has now been replaced by the much shorter, "http://www.neopets.com/petlookup.phtml?pet=PETNAME".

    When making a pet, I remember thinking carefully about what my pets like and how they would act. To my horror, this carefully thought out piece of information was never used anywhere! With the new layout, this information is displayed above the pet's statistics. How lovely!

    One last thing that I like is that the newest items and their names are displayed on the front page. Now you no longer have to wait in the shop or search on the shop wizard for the item name if you want to know what they are called!

    Rant

    So the Neofriend Module is great for stalking people, but at the same time it makes it a lot harder to avoid stalkation! Yes, I did just make that word up. As well as depriving Lori of the privilege of saying, "Trina's on", you can no longer lurk on the boards, nor can you hide from people!

    The Neofriend Module is also in alphabetical order, which is really irritating as those with usernames after 'm' in the alphabet are never shown on the Neofriends Module due to the limit of only 5 users being shown.

    One thing that has me completely lost is the links, where on earth is everything? A lot of the links that used to be in pet central have migrated to some other part of Neopia and require a hunting trip to find them! Luckily some links are displayed here.

    The hardest problem to deal with is the destruction of all the layouts that have been worked on! There is an entire new system to figure out and it's hard to know where to begin! If you are looking for a layout to use, xdriftingdreamx has already adapted all her layouts so that they work with the new system. You can find them here.

    One thing I just cannot CANNOT understand is the games room make-over. Didn't they JUST have a games room make over? Why, oh WHY did they do that if it's just going to have to be made-over again?

    The character space for fonts is already limited but now it's even worse! Whilst before [font c=DA4800] was acceptable and the code would work, it now requires a # before the number ([font c=#DA4800]) in order for the font colour to work! It's already hard enough to fit all the characters in!

    Since these pets all have to have similar poses for this customisation, some of them have had a remake. Some for the worse and some for the better (mostly for the worst!). The worst one is the baby kougra.

    Here's the cute adorable one before the customisation:



    Here's the ugly I'm-gonna-rip-your-throat-out version:



    ew.

    It makes me want to cry.

    The final factor, which is really annoying me, is the lack of petpet avvies! I have an aged gruslen, but can I unattach it yet? Nooooooooo, because I have to wait until I can actually get the avvie. What a paaaiiin.


























    So They Say (Molly)


    Christine, who is this girl?! Why did you join the guild? Who invited you, and what was it like when you first met everyone?

    Well one reason was because not being in a guild ruined my lookup as the images placed were in the wrong place without that extra line but seriously, I'd joined a few guilds before and non of them had ever really picked up so when I started to browse the guild boards (for the first time ever!) I saw Lori's post advertising Neo.Anxious. I took a look at the petpage and the guild website and was like WOW! So I filled in an application and in case you haven't gathered it by now, I was invited by Lori. When I first joined, it was quite daunting really, everyone seemed to know each other and the boards were so speedy! I also remember thinking, "500 hundred posts to get hyper? Impossible" but once I joined in the chatting I understood how it wasn't really that impossible at all!

    Do you have plans for your pets?

    Right now I'm zapping Marco with the lab ray so I have no specific colors or species in mind at the moment (but I do wish she had a better name, one without numbers and maybe a name that works with both genders!). My goal with Marco is mostly to make her a better fighter in the battledome so once I'm satisfied with her stats I'm going to zap her until she's something cool and then work on her level. With SketchEyrie, well you can't expect me to paint her can you?! And with Sugars_cowboy, snotty is the best! Treetotter technically isn't mine, but maybe one day I will paint her with something horrible so that Lori won't want her back

    How do you celebrate your birthday?

    Hmm, well, I love spending time with my friends so usually I just invite them over for a sleep over. One time we went to Laser quest (have you Americans heard of it? You go round shooting people with lasers , like one of those video games but in real life!) which was fun as I'm pretty nifty with the laser gun .

    What did you put in your application as the four words that describe you?

    Hmm, lets see if I can dredge this up from the back of my memory...I had good sense of humor followed by "(I hope that doesn't count as four words)", I thought I was very witty. And...you know what? I just found my app because I saved it in a word document (I save everything in word documents, ask Lori!) so here it is, "Hyper (wow, I think that just about sums it up!), thoughtful, insane, good sense of humour (I hope the last one counts as one rather than four words"

    What are your real life hobbies?

    I love drawing and reading. In fact, when I'm not on Neopets and pretending to work, I'm usually doing one of the two.

    What is your favorite place on Neo? Why? (Besides the guild!)

    Oi, you just took away my answer!! Well, before I started spending all my time on the guild, I used to go onto the help boards a lot and answer people's questions.

    Do you prefer to have a lot of friends, or a few close ones? Why?

    Outside of Neopets, I have one best friend and 4 close friends. It's hard to say why, but my best friend has been my friend since I was 11. I think we were all brought closer due to one bad so-called friend, but I guess, in a way, I'm glad we got brought closer together because I luff my friends!

    What do you like in a font?

    small fonts usually look cute, but not too small! I usually like it when the actual message looks different from the top and the sig of the font, otherwise I get confused about which part is the message . The line above the sig usually makes the font look a bit tacky so I prefer those to be removed and I think that's about it really. I like a font that matches your avatar. An eyeball pleaser!

    If you role play, can you give us an example?

    Erm, no not really! I've had many failed attempts at role-playing but i could never really get into it. *walks into room* Hello everybody *dies* Oh look it's the end of me

    Do you save your NP, or spend them quickly?

    I hoard my np and I hoard my items...like a dragon...raar. But sometimes I go on a spending spree, once I nearly reached one mill, then I went crazy and spent it all on my gallery and neohome until I had around 10k left ! My latest big buy would be the golden compass I bought for my pet to fight with.


























    May 07 Articles




























    Advertisements


    You, too, can put an ad up in our official newspaper! A standard-size spot only costs 1,000 NP and all proceeds are used to fund our newspaper (paying the writers). Email Lori for more info (Lori@self-production.net)


























    Around Neopia (Misty)


    Psssst," Blue_Myseria whispers. "Hey you! Come closer; I've got a secret to tell you. You know that item that you would love to have? The one you can't possibly afford? Well now there's a chance you could get it. I once found a grove full of wishes. A magical clearing of hope. Come closer and let me tell you about it.

    About two weeks ago I was wandering around the Main Shops when I came upon the most fabulous item I had ever seen. "Oh…My…Gosh," I shouted. "I have to have that!" I glanced down at the price and my knees turn as wiggly as jelly. There was a lot of numbers typed across that price tag. I sighed and walked out of the store. 'Oh well,' I thought 'It wasn't that cool anyway.' I was on my way home when a checkered Lupe sprung from the bushes. "AHHHHH!" I screamed. "You scared me.

    Yes well, I have that affect on pets," he said. "Listen close. Follow the path covered in bush down passed the plushies and on to the well. Lean with your head down deep inside, whisper your wish and the well will provide." "What? What is that supposed to mean?" I asked. He just repeated the riddle and slipped back into the bushes.

    I was thoroughly confused by the lupe's strange riddle, but I had nothing else to do so I decided to search for the path he spoke of. I wandered around the shops searching for something I was convinced couldn't be found. I was coming out of the food shop, determined not to let my ice cream cone drip, when a coconut jubjub flew at me from nowhere knocking me in to a bush. As I stumbled to my feet I realized I had no idea where I was. Was this the path the checkered lupe had spoke of? I walked down the path until I came to a shop. I glanced up and gasped. This was the plushie shop the lupe had talked about. I hurried to find the well. Wishes wishes! All my wishes would come true! I found the well and slipped into the silent grove. I leaned into the well, sticking my head far inside, and wished for the wonderful item I had seen earlier. I pulled my head out, stuck out my hooves, and waited for the item to drop from the sky. After standing there for ten minutes with my arms stretched straight out I let them fall with disappointment; I had done everything the checkered lupe had said. Suddenly he sprang from the bushes, the checkered lupe I mean, at least I think it was the same one.

    Don't expect a fast response, young neopet...the well sleeps for 18 hours a day," he said. "And remember, you aren't the only neopet wishing." I hung my head in shame. What was I thinking. I have wanted the item so much that I had expected a miracle to happen just for me. I had forgotten that there were other neopets just like me that wanted things too. I thanked the lupe and trotted home determined to think more of others and less of me.

    Moral: Think not what you can do for yourself, but what you can do for others.


























    Around Neopia (Wes)


    Welcome to the very first issue of Around Neopia with the infamous Wes. In this issue we will talk about the wonderful land of Faerieland. There are many places to see in Faerie land but lets talk about the great and famous parts.

    We will start with Poogle Racing. It's a famous race were Poogles everywhere race and bet on there favorite Poogle. Every 15 min. a race starts that will determine the best Poogle(for that 15 min). If i would to bet I would put my money on Poogle 1.

    The Rainbow Fountain is a once pretty place where Neopians used to swim and play in the rainbow water. But over time the overuse of it has turned it into a normal fountain. If you are lucky enough to get a quest from the fountain, you will revive the falls for one more time.

    Another 'pretty' place would be Jhudora's Cloud. She is an evil faerie that needs your help to make evil potions and do who knows what to inocent Neopians. Help her and she will give you, when she wants too, a wonderful award for your hard work.

    The last of the fountains is the Healing Springs. Owners and pets from all over come here to bathe in the warm falls and enjoy time off from fighting big meanies. She also sells potions for a fair price. So go check them out,if you not already there.

    Next is the most famous wheel in all of Neopia, The Wheel of Excitement! Take a spin on the wheel and win 50, 200, 500, 1000 or even 10000 neopoints and The Wheel of Excitement avvie. But beware, there is also some evil things on the wheel that you don't want to get.

    Now lets go into Faerie city to see all the wonderful shops like Faerie bookshop and Faerie Foods. Of course we cant forget about the Faerie crosswords. Have you done yours today. Go check it out now! Here we are the final stop in Faerieland, the Employment Agency. Here you and your pets can use there job coupons that you find around the site to do cool tasks like finding two flouds and four table lamps. Here is a list of job coupons that you can find around the site.

    Green Job Coupon (lowest!)
    Blue Job Coupon
    Red Job Coupon
    Silver Job Coupon
    Gold Job Coupon
    Purple Job Coupon
    Pink Job Coupon
    Green Brightvale Job Coupon
    Bronze Brightvale Job Coupon
    Silver Brightvale Job Coupon
    Gold Brightvale Job Coupon (highest!)
    Well I hope you enjoyed the trip-blocked- me next time when we run through the Haunted Woods. Wes is out!


























    Around Neopia (Sparkly)


    Roo Island is a peaceful place to be. All over the island are meadows, small hills, light forests, and light showers of rain here and there. The air smells sweet, like a fresh baked Sweetcorn Snowbunny Loaf or something like that. "When visiting, refrain from approaching Deadly Dice… "Sara sighed, "Ok, look Ill help you get your ball this time, but don't ask anymore favours of me! "The pair bounced over to the crumbling wall, some stairs led down into the darkness below. As they descended into the musty darkness, all they could hear was the slow dripping of water somewhere up ahead. "I dont like this… I want to go back. This place is so creepy!" said Karen. "No, let's get the ball, then we can go home" replied Sara. All of a sudden an evil, mocking laugh echoed around them, and the light seemed to dim. "Up ahead they saw a figure, its eyes glowing red in the darkness…" ( -excerpt from Neopedia : Count von Roo ) All over Blumaroos will be talking about random things and stuff like: A passing Blumaroo says, 'Blumaroos love Nachos, I bet you didn't know that!' or… A passing Blumaroo says, 'Boing!' Please ignore all these while proceeding to Roo City. In Roo City, most people know it as where King Roo lives and where Dice-A-Roo came to be… "'I think I have something you may be interested in…", came a soft voice from behind King Roo. "Who was that?", replied Roo spinning around. In front of him was a Blumaroo wearing a long brown cloak, not one he had ever seen in his kingdom. "Who are you, what could you possibly have that would interest me?" He fumed. "My name is not important, but I bring you a gift.." The strange Blumaroo handed the king five coloured dice. "Each roll of these magical dice brings a surprise. No two games are the same. May you never be bored again.'" ( -excerpt from Neopedia : King Roo ) Most people think of King Roo a always happy, carefree, nice Blumaroo who thinks everyday is a holiday. This is also where Dice-A-Roo was found. Dice-A-Roo is a game where you roll the five die one at a time and you could win Neopoints, food, other items, or lose. Also most people think Dice-A-Roo is just an ordinary game… "Reporter: Uh-huh, from the Neopian Food Shop. Good stuff. How did you get a hold of all that food anyway? -Group of shadow Blumaroos wearing masks stealthily stride into room with bags slung over their backs- Masked Roo: Yo boss. We got the goods, pay up. Straight, fresh from Neop– King Roo: THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME. Reporter: -thinking- No wonder that store's usually sold out of everything.. Reporter: I have an important question. If every few minutes someone wins your game, bu– King Roo: THAT'S BECAUSE IN DICE-A-ROO, EVERYBODY'S A WINNER! Rporter: Uh. No. Every few minutes someone wins, bu– King Roo: THAT'S BECAUSE IN DICE-A-RO– Reporter: CAN YOU STOP DOING THAT?! Now. Someone wins every few minutes. But every second, hundreds of people lose. In like 10 minutes, how many winners do you have? You can count the total on your fingers. How many losers do you have? Enough to populate a flippin' country. King Roo: That may be so, but are any of the Neopoints going to me? No, they go to the winner. -is jolly- BECAUSE IN DICE-A-ROO, EVERYBO– Reporter: Ohhh. So your enjoyment is out of watching hundreds of people get Game Over every second? King Roo: Nawh, I always like to see the ecstatic people that win my games. -grins-" ( -excerpt from The Neopian Times : Investigation on Roo Island : Dice-A-Roo by Deldrimmor.) The Roo Island Team was in the Altador Cup this year. This ragged squad of also-rans and inexperienced rookies received a huge boost when Lilo Blumario, one of the game's top players, decide to sign on and return to his hometown club. To everybody's surprise, this team made it quite far for their first year. They made all the way to the semi-finals. We managed to get a few words from each of them. First up, Lilo Blumario, the star of the team, "I only play for fun at first. Then I got better and better. Soon after I was offered many positions in many different places. I didn't want to leave my homeland just yet so I stayed for a few years. After I decided to leave for a while, taking the positions, earning a few Neopoints, learning new skills. When I came back I learned many new skills that I couldn't have learned here. When I was offered the position of Captain, I accepted with confidence." Cluch Billaban had a few words to say as well, "I know they stay stuff behind my back, "Oh, he's the weak link!" or "They should get a better goal keeper!" I am NOT the weak link and I shall prove it!" We had a little trouble finding Dayla but managed to find her, "I was very surprised by getting this position. A few months ago, just that morning I was taking a jog, warming up with my track team, then BAM! I'm in front of King Roo with his Yooyuball officials. I never thought these legs would be better for anything but track. I've improved a bit in scoring, but Fenny Vial was the one who improved the most." "What Dayla said is true," said Fenny Vial, "I was the most improved player. I'm also the youngest professional player as well. When I was offered the position, I took it right away. I made a few mistakes the first time, but as we went up to the semi-finals, I didn't do so bad, I improved." Last but not least, is Gordo Gunnels. "I was never a good scorer. So I decided to be a defender. I was behind Dayla one day and noticed if I were to tackle there it would be a blind spot. After that I went to the Library and found out where every Neopet's blind spot is. Even I have a blind spot. But that's for me to know and just me." That's all the time we have for The Roo Island Team, because we're moving on to… SHOPPING! Some places that are places of interest and are great for shopping are: Grandma Roo's Cafe - Situated in the village of Blumaria, located towards the north of Roo Island, this little cafe serves delightful scones and tea. Grandma Roo has been running the cafe for over 30 years now, and is still going strong. She will also make any pancake to order… just let her know what toppings you want! Tournament Hall - The tournament hall is a large marble building near to the royal palace in Roo City. It used to be used for boring town meetings, however lately King Roo has turned it into the location of Neopia's biggest Dice-A-Roo tournament. Every year thousands of Neopians meet up to play and try and win one of King Roo's fantastic prizes. Spring Shop - Even though Blumaroos possess a natural spring in their tail, sometimes this is not enough - and the Spring Shop that just opened up in Northern Blumaria is doing great business as a result. They sell anything that can make you bounce even higher, extra springs, pogo sticks, trampolines, and much more. Souvenirs Shop - Recently opened, this store attracts the most attention due to the wares they sell. It is convenient for tourists to get a souvenir on their way back to Neopia Central. The variety of these wares range from everyday house-hold items to fuzzy dice. Merry Go Round - One of the main things that makes everybody on Roo Island so happy is the Merry Go Round. With many colourful Unis, this old carousel get the attention of all Neopets. The Merry Go Round has been around forever and is the most favoured attraction of all tourists. Only 50 Neopoints a ride, this is a must! Unfortunately that is all I am able to tell you unless you visit Roo Island yourself. This peaceful island is a great place to visit when holiday, break, or any day! It's a GREAT vacation spot with many tourist attractions, friendly people, and of course, it's full of fun!


























    Council Editorial (Lori)


    Q: Does our PP roll-over into next month? --darksangel04
    A: Nope. PP Standings are reset every month, and whenever a guild member leaves, they forfeit their PP as well.

    Q: Where can I find the activities committee form? --cookiecrumbs226
    A: Under navigation, click "About Neo.Anxious. Or better yet, click here!
    We very rarely accept new members to this committee, but congrats Molly and SM on getting on it! And remember: most important links can be found in the "Links" section of the guild home page, or on the website under "About neo.anxious".

    Q: How many layouts have we had since the begining of April? And why are they always changing? Is it some sort of competition? --zzzzzuzzzzz
    A: Well, we've had the pirate layout, chocolate, jhudora, slorg, starry tuskaninny, and now none! We usually have 2 custom layouts per month, made by the guild members themselves! April was a bit of an exception; the pirate layout was for the pirates' fantabulous win, the chocolate was a premade layout because I didn't want to upset Maraquans by leaving the pirate layout up too long, then Misty volunteered to make a Jhudora one, and she decided she could make a better slorg layout instead. After that, the New Layout Every Two Weeks Law was enacted (NLETW), so we had to change into a starry tuskaninny layout that some random user made for us. Shortly after, TNT decided to whack up the site and our layout just didn't go with the new NeoLayout. Hopefully, our guild layout makers will find out how to properly cover this new look, and we'll be back to regular layouts again! I keep a running list of who makes a layout for what month, so if you'd like to make one, contact me about it!

    Q: Where could you donate? --krissy_winds
    A: We recently got a donation shop because I was tired of all the hassle to be done in order for a donation to occur (as I'm sure you were, too!) So, where the heck IS this shop? Well, it's at my shop, of course! A few select items will go towards the guild: everything ending in 0. Everything else is mine, I'm selling, and it ends in a 7. More info can be found on the webbie. You get half the PP as NP you donated!

    Q: When are ranks updated? Are they updated daily at the end of the day or randomly or what? --carrotz_88888
    A: Never. Haha, nah usually Becca will check once in a while and update ranks, and when I do remember (could be daily, could take 2 or 3 days) I'll update them as well.


























    Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


    Dear Mr. Muggles,
    HI! I'm Sparkly and I'm in the wonderful guild neo.anxious! It's realy nice to be writing to a nice person without having TONS of readers READING my most PRIVATE thought in a NEWSPAPER. I'd be SO embaressed(sp?). I like smilies, animals, anime, stickers, and CAPITAL LETTERS! But enough about me how about you? Who are you? Are you a MUTANT MEERCA????? Or a CHOCOLATE CHIA????? Or even an ELECTRIC ELEPHANTE????? What's you hobby? Where do you live? Who are you friends? Do you have a petpet? Are you friendly? Do you like pie? Do you think I should think that you think that I think that you think pie is good? Are you sure? Do think I'm asking too many questions? Last but not least WHO JACKED MY PIE?????

    Dear Sparkly,
    Hello. I am Mr. Muggles. I will not be giving out my first name. Yes, OF COURSE it would be embaressing(sp?) if I took this letter and put it in your guild newspaper. I would NEVER do that! I am a Plushie Grundo. My innocent(sp?) appearance helps my on my jobs. What's my hobby? My job of course. Working along Sloth's side is VERY entertaining(sp?). I live in the Virtupets Space Station of course! It's near Sloth's secret base is hidden where he hatches his diabolical plans(sp?), errrrrr I mean....... Sloth's office, yeah, let's go with that. Who are my friends? Sloth of course. Also the other orange grundos. The only one who stands out is Varisa, a faerie grundo. Her wings definately(sp?) help to carry out our jobs. I also have a petpet too. He is Fayon, a Robot Boween Sloth helped me make when he had spare time after he finished with those Robot Grundos he made for the game loading screen. They were never REAL, and they would never ATTACK you..... Anyways, OF COURSE I'm friendly. Why would I be writing back then? Yes, I do like pie. Next question: Ummmm I guess..... Yes, I and sure. I also think you are asking too many questions for no apparent reason! You are just like the Brain Tree! For WHO JACKED YOUR PIE I think it was the Tooth Fairy. I mean Sloth could of NEVER of taken it.....


























    Fontastical (Rita)


    Are you tired of your boring fonts? Don't be. With the participation of numbsmile.wordpress.com, and Smartbella264 (ME!) Neo.Anxious now has access to exclusive fonts from numbsmile.wordpress.com. I am condensing the most popular fonts for you right here. Here's what Neopians from all over Neopia are clicking. Stay tuned for more from your very own Fontastical reporter, Smartbella264 more commonly known as RITA. =)
    * * *
    Even though Easter just passed, love this spiffy Easter-driven font. Flaunt your Easter Cybunny avatar, and tackle this font. Font by: Smartbella264

    NeoHTML: [center][font c=D7ADFF f=georgia s=1]neoHTML[/font][br][font c=CD99FF]■[/font][font c=D7ADFF]■[/font][

    NeoSignature: ][font c=FBCDFB]■[/font][font c=EDFB8D]■[/font][font c=B9F7FF]■[/font][font c=97FDC3]■[/font][/center]

    * * *
    Are you through with using the conventional, boring fonts? Why don't you get this uber-cute plushie Cybunny, and show all your Neoboard friends that the CUTER the BETTER. :) Font by Smartbella264.

    NeoHTML: [center][font c=D7ADFF f=georgia s=1]neoHTML[/font][br][center][font s=2 f=verdana c=FFB8C5]● ● ●[/font][br][font s=1 f=verdana c=D9B3D9]neoHTML[/font][/center][

    NeoSignature: ][center][font c=A83770 f=georgia s=4][b]cybunny [i]plush[/i][/b] [/font][font c=CC9999 s=3]♥[/font][/center]

    * * *
    You've had this avvie for quite some time, but you've never found the "right" font? Well, if this font floats your boat, consider it done. :) Font by Smartbella264

    NeoHTML: [center][font c=002ECA f=verdana s=1]neoHTML[/font][br][

    NeoSignature: ][font c=668CFD f=georgia s=4]such an εvil littlε ƒuzzlε[/font][br][font c=C3D3FF f=wingdings]s t u t s[/font][/center]

    * * *
    So, winter's treachery is not quite done yet - hehe - at least in Canada it's not! So if you want to show off your brilliant winter spirit, why not just snag a very wintery font like this one? Font made by Smartbella264.

    NeoHTML: [center][br][font f=verdana c=9BBBDB s=1][b]neoHTML[/b][/font][br][font f=wingdings s=5 c=2560A1]wTw[/font][

    NeoSignature: ][font f=wingdings s=5 c=7A9DC8]Tw[/font][font f=wingdings s=5 c=B1C8E4]Tw[/font][/center]

    * * *
    Ready for a night out in the town? How about you show it ;) With this super groovy, super popular Jazzmosis Elephante Font, you can show people that there's more to you than a Neo account. ;) Font by Smartbella264.

    NeoHTML: [center][font c=77A5F6 f=chiller s=1]JAZZMOSIS ELEPHANTE[/font][font c=black s=1][br][b]neoHTML[/b][/font][/center][

    NeoSignature: ][center][font c=#77A5F6 s=2]♫[/font][br][font c=999999 s=1 f=tahoma]m u s i c i s l i f e[/font][/center]

    * * * Hopefully, my dear NA-ers, you've found at least one font you like. And if not, stay tuned for Neo.Anxious' next newspaper Edition. I'll bring you the latest, most popular fonts as seen on numbsmile.wordpress.com. Enjoy, and take care! -- SMARTBELLA264


























    Gallery (Christine)


    (click and drag) width='100' This is a comic I made a while ago as a collaboration with hakuryu_86 but it got rejected due to not being original enough :(.

    Now the question is: Do I resubmit it in the hope that they will think that it is not so unoriginal nowadays or not?

    If anyone has:
    a)an answer for my question or
    b)any requests

    Just send a neomail over to me!


























    Guide (SM)


    A Guide on Battledome Weapons

    There are many people who wonder what the best battledome weapon for them is, and how the damage they do is calculated. In this guide I hope to explain that, and list every good weapon for under 200k.

    The first thing you must understand is the strength and defense multipliers, as well as the stance multipliers. This decides how much damage you receive, and how much you block.

    As you may know, you get a new boost at certain levels of strength and defense with your pet. They are at 0, 8, 20, 35, 55, 85, 125, 200, 250, 300, 350, 400, 450, 500, 550, 600, 650, and 700. However for the weapons I will be describing here, the highest boost you will probably have would be at 85. Here is how each boost affects the amount of damage you get through:

    0 - 0.5
    8 - 0.75
    13 - 1.0
    20 - 1.25
    35 - 1.5
    55 - 2.0
    85 - 2.5
    125 - 3.0
    200 - 4.5
    250 - 5.5
    300 - 6.5
    350 - 7.5
    400 - 8.5
    450 - 9.75
    500 - 11.0
    550 - 12.0
    600 - 13.0
    650 - 14.0
    700 - 15.0


    In other words, if a pet with a 35 strength boost is battling a pet without at strength boost (between 0 and 7), that pet will be doing 3 times as much damage, and would easily win. Next I will go over stance, which affects both your attack and your opponents.


    Beserk 50%
    Fierce 40 %
    Jump and Attack 30%
    Normal 20%
    Cautious 0%
    Defend -20%


    Now that you understand how stances and boosts affect you attacks, I'll go over icon types. This is one of the most important parts of a weapon, aside from the amount of icons it does. It decides if your weapon gets blocked, or you get all your icons through and defeat your opponent. There are 7 icon types available to use: air, dark, earth, fire, light, physical and water. To help you decide, I will list the most common blockers for these weapons, so that when you are deciding what weapon to choose you can factor that in.


    Scarab Ring: Dual duty weapon that blocks 3 fire and 3 physical.
    Leaf Shield: Blocks 5 earth, 5 water, and 3 physical.
    Burrow: Faerie ability that blocks all icons except light and dark.
    Sink: Faerie ability that blocks all icons except air and earth.


    Now that I've covered the basics, I will list the best weapons you can choose from for under 200k, with a summary of how good they are. Hopefully you will learn a lot more about the basics of weapons after reading this article.

    Hand Painted ScarabHand Painted Scarab: Cost: 3,000-4,000


    Icons: 2 fire, 2 light, 2 air. Blocks 2 physical and 2 water.
    Against Scarab Ring: 4 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 4 icons
    Against Burrow: 2 icons
    Against Sink: 2 icons


    Conclusion: This relatively cheap duel duty gets a decent amount of icons through against every defensive strategy while still having the ability to block its opponent.
    Scarab RingScarab Ring: Cost: 1,000-2,000


    Icons: 2 water, 2 dark, 2 physical. Blocks 3 fire and 3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 4 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 2 icons
    Against Burrow: 2 icons
    Against Sink: 0 icons


    Conclusion: This is a cheap weapon that is coveted by a lot of people. Its defending ability is what has made it famous, and it has the potential to do a net 12 icons if it isn't blocked and it uses all of its defensive ability. To be able to do that for only 1k is quite impressive.
    Lost Desert DaggerLost Desert Dagger: Cost: 3,000-4,000


    Icons: 3 earth and 3 fire

    Against Scarab Ring: 3 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 3 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons


    Conclusion: A decent weapon that should be considered, but there are better options out there.
    Scarab Stone SlingshotScarab Stone Slingshot: Cost: 4,000-5,000


    Icons: 4 earth and 2 light

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 2 icons
    Against Burrow: 2 icons
    Against Sink: 4 icons

    Conclusion: Can be useful, especially if you are looking for a cheap weapon to draw with the scarab ring. Not the best choice though.
    Cobrall in a Can: Cost: 1,500-3,000

    Icons: 3 dark 3 light

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 6 icons
    Against Burrow: 6 icons
    Against Sink: 0 icons


    Conclusion: If you don't train defense and your opponent doesn't use sink, this is your best option when it comes to 6 iconers.
    Bone Sceptre: Cost: 10-50


    Icons: 2 dark, 2 air, and 2 earth

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 4 icons
    Against Burrow: 2 icons
    Against Sink:4 icons


    Conclusion: There isn't a single person who can't afford this. This is a good weapon, and if you don't like spending neopoints, this is the weapon for you.
    Jade Staff: Cost: 6,000-8,000


    Icons: 3 earth and 3 light. Blocks 3 dark

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 3 icons
    Against Burrow: 3 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons


    Conclusion: Not a bad weapon. If you know your opponent will be using dark icons; I recommend you use this one.

    Battle Ready Pencil Box: Cost: 4,000-6,000


    Icons: 3 earth, 2 light, and 2 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 5 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 2 icons
    Against Burrow: 2 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons


    Conclusion: A cheap 7 icon weapon, but if someone tries to block it there are better 6 icons options.

    Brain Tree Mace: Cost: 30,000-50,000


    Icons: 2 earth, 2 water, 3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 4 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 0 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons

    Against Sink: 2 icons
    Conclusion: Too expensive, easily blocked, not worth the neopoints.

    Obsidian Dagger: Cost: 300-500


    Icons: 2 fire, 3 earth, and .21 to 3 physical icons

    Against Scarab Ring: 3 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 2 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons


    Conclusion: If someone doesn't try to block it, this is a good weapon; it has the potential to do a lot of damage. The icons are bad, but at least it's cheap.

    Rusty Garden Hoe: Cost: 10,000-12,000


    Icons: 3 fire, 2 dark, and 1-3 physical.

    Against Scarab Ring: 2 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 5 icons
    Against Burrow: 2 icons
    Against Sink: 0 icons


    Conclusion: Not a bad weapon, I personally use it at times, but there are better options.

    Darkness Faerie Axe: Cost: 50,000-80,000


    Icons: 2 fire, 3 dark, 1-3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 3 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 5 icons
    Against Burrow: 3 icons
    Against Sink: 0 icons


    Conclusion: Very similar to rusty garden hoe, but much more expensive. This isn't worth your neopoints.

    Electro Sword: Cost: 40,000-60,000


    Icons: 3 fire, 3 light, 2 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 3 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 6 icons
    Against Burrow: 3 icons
    Against Sink: 0 icons


    Conclusion: This is a decent weapon; it is a constant 8 icons for a reasonable price. My advice would be to save up a little more and buy a better 9 icon weapon though.

    Cloudy Wand of Storms: Cost: 95,000-105,000


    Icons: 2.6 fire, 2.6 dark, and 2 water. Blocks 3 earth.

    Against Scarab Ring: 4.6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 5.2 icons
    Against Burrow: 2.6 icons
    Against Sink: 0 icons


    Conclusion: This is a great weapon if you expect your opponent to use earth, otherwise it's a bit too expensive. Only 7.2 icons for 100k is not worth it. However, this does have situational value because if you block 3 icons of earth, you have a net 10.2 icons.

    Frozen Wand of Crystals: Cost: 105,000-120,000


    Icons: 3 light, 2.6 air, 2 fire. Blocks 3 water

    Against Scarab Ring: 5.6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 7.6 icons
    Against Burrow: 3 icons
    Against Sink: 2.6 icons


    Conclusion: Good icons types, good amount, and it blocks 3 water. A great weapon, if you train defense. If you don't, there are better alternatives for the price tag.

    17-Pound Trout: Cost: 6,000-8,000


    Icons: 2.65 water, 3 earth, 1-3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 5.65
    Against Leaf Shield: 0 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons


    Conclusion: Bad icons types, but the potential to do 8.65 icons for so little neopoints is very tempting. Against an offensive opponent this is lethal.

    Curious of Sticks of Lethal Wax: Cost: 50,000-70,000


    Icons: 2 air, 2 earth, 2 light, 1-3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 4 icons
    Against Burrow: 2 icons
    Against Sink: 2 icons


    Conclusion: Good icons types, but part of this weapon always gets blocked, and the price tag is a little high for what it does.

    Earth Faerie Bow: Cost: 50k-60k


    Icons: 2 fire, 2 air, 3 earth, 1-2 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 5 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 7 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons
    Against Sink: 5 icons


    Conclusion: For the price, this is a nice weapon. 8-9 icons for only 50k and reasonable icons types is very good. Still, there are better options; this loses head to head with the cheap scarab ring.

    Earth Faerie Slingshot: Cost: 30,000-40,000


    Icons: 3 air, 3 light, 1-3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 6 icons
    Against Burrow: 3 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons


    Conclusion: The price is right, and I love the icons types here. One of the better weapons in this price range.

    Enchanted Wooden Bow: Cost: 20,000-30,000


    Icons: 2 fire, 2 air, 2.65 light, and 0.2-2 physical.

    Against Scarab Ring: 4.65 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 6.65 icons
    Against Burrow: 2.65 icons
    Against Sink: 2 icons


    Conclusion: I personally own this weapon, but there are better weapons out there. I use it because it pairs well with a weapon in my set; but if a weapon loses head to head against the scarab ring or ties, it is usually not worth your money. The scarab ring is the best option in nearly all of those situations.
    Von Roo Dice: Cost: 6,000-10,000


    Icons: 2-3 dark, 2-3 air, and 2-3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 4-6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 4-6 icons
    Against Burrow: 2-3 icons
    Against Sink: 2-3 icons


    Conclusion: This is a very unique weapon. It is inexpensive, has good icons, and has the potential to do 9 icons; so it is definitely a good buy.
    Sinsis Sword: Cost: 180,000-200,000


    Icons: 2 fire, 2 air, 2 light, 0.2-3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 4 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 6 icons
    Against Burrow: 2 icons
    Against Sink: 2 icons


    Conclusion: This weapon is outdated and expensive. There are much better cheaper alternatives. This may have been good in another era, but its time is long gone. Decent if you already own one, but I would strongly advise you not to buy one otherwise.
    Tyrannian Lupe Tooth: Cost: 40,000-60,000


    Icons: 2.66 fire, 3 earth, 3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 3 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 2.66 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons


    Conclusion: I bought this one at 40k and have been very pleased with it. The icon types aren't good, but a constant 8.66 icons for half of the lowest price of a constant 9 icon weapon is incredible. Perfect against offensive opponents, but against defensive opponents I switch to a different weapon with better icon types. Nonetheless, this is still very useful.
    Stone Club: Cost: 95,000-105,000


    Icons: 3 air, 3 earth, 3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 6 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons
    Against Sink: 6 icons


    Conclusion: This is one of the most popular weapons for intermediate battledomers. When I look at this, it seems to be a decent weapon, you pair this up with a weapon that gets through burrow and you're a force to be reckoned with. Very nice weapon; well worth the price.
    Ice Club: Cost: 70,000-80,000

    Icons: 3 water, 3 air, 3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 3 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons

    Conclusion: Change earth to water, and suddenly this is worth 25k less than a stone club? What can I say, I'm impressed. Some may say this isn't as good as a stone club, which is true, but this is still a nice weapon that is also very popular; definitely worth the price.
    Psellias Fighting Fan Cost: 100,000-110,000

    Icons: 3 air, 3 light, 3 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 6 icons
    Against Burrow: 3 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons

    Conclusion: Another nice 9 icon weapon. This weapon pairs well with the stone and ice clubs to give you a solid attack; another weapon that is well worth your money. That considered, all three of these weapon tie with the scarab ring, which can be bought at 1k.
    Halo of Devilpuss: Cost: 50,000-60,000

    Icons: 5 dark 1-5 physical

    Against Scarab Ring: 5-7 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 5-7 icons
    Against Burrow: 5 icons
    Against Sink: 0 icons

    Conclusion: I like this weapon. The price is right, and it deals heavy dark, kind of like a mini Sword of Skardesen. This should be a consideration to add to your set if you're looking for some dark icons.

    Essence of Esophagor: Cost: 110,000-120,000

    Icons: 4.5 earth and 4.5 water

    Against Scarab Ring: 9 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 0 icons
    Against Burrow: 0 icons
    Against Sink: 4.5 icons

    Conclusion: I bought one a long time ago at 100k; then resold it. This is a nice weapon if you fight people who use the scarab ring a lot, but this is fully blocked by the leaf shield; which makes it dangerous to use.
    Pike Pike Cost: 120,000-130,000

    Icons: 4.5 water and 4.5 light

    Against Scarab Ring: 9 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 4.5 icons
    Against Burrow: 4.5 icons
    Against Sink: 0 icons

    Conclusion: I really like this weapon, imagine pairing it up with the Essence of Esophagor. If your opponent uses leaf shield it fully blocks your essence, but you still get 8.5 icons of the Pike Pike through. Scarab ring couldn't touch this attack, and if your opponent uses burrow or sink you still pull 4.5 icons though. Not the best weapon, but still a very nice one.

    Golden Compass: Cost: 100,000-130,000

    Icons: 3 fire, 3 air, 3 light

    Against Scarab Ring: 6 icons
    Against Leaf Shield: 9 icons
    Against Burrow: 3 icons
    Against Sink: 3 icons


    Conclusion: Wow, this always impresses me. It is partially blocked by the scarab ring, but this blocks the dark icons in the scarab ring too. A bit more expensive than the other 9 iconers, but you get 3 dark defense with this. I remember the days when people were buying these like crazy at 300k. If you train defense, this is a must have.


    Hopefully you enjoyed reading this guide as much as I enjoyed writing it. There are many more weapons out there than this, but with any luck this can help you choose which weapons are best for you. In the future I will write guides on the stronger weapons, freezing weapons, the purpose of stealing, faerie abilities, dual duty weapons or 100% defenders; which is worth it?, and much, much more. For now though, go out and find your perfect battledome weapon.



























    Guide (Chels)


    A Guide to Freebies

    Let's face it- dailies are what keeps us all going. The first thing we do, well, at least I know that I do, is take care of my dailies. I even judge my day by how lucky I get with my dailies. So, what's the secret to them and maximizing the most of your minimum payment investments? What, exactly, are these dailies anyways?

    Well, first off, the secrets to these dailies. There is no right or wrong way to do them, they are all random. But there is one tip for doing dailies… do it daily! Hence the name, dailies… =3

    Okay. And now for a list of these dailies… we have the free dailies, the wheels, and the puzzles. Free Dailies:
    • The Bank- stop by here everyday to collect interest on your deposits. The more money in the bank, and the higher your account type, the more you can collect on a daily basis. So save your money, and earn more money!
    • The Fruit Machine- spin the wheel, and hope that you get the first two, or even three, slots to line up and you win a prize!
    • Giant Jelly- come here and take a piece of jelly from this giant glob! Each piece of jelly you gain can feed your Neopet two times.
    • Healing Springs- visit the Water Faerie to have her heal your pets, give you potions, or add a few extra hit points to your pets.
    • Coltzan's Shrine- visit this shrine and Coltzan might bless you with some neopoints, items, or even raise your pet's stats.
    • Giant Omelette- when you come to omelette, you will receive your very own omelette. This omelette will feed your pets three times each.
    • Tombola- when the Tiki Tack man is not on a break or out of money, give your hand at drawing out a ticket. If you have "0", "2" or "5", you win. If not, the Tiki Tack man might feel pity on you and give you a booby prize!
    • Deserted Tomb- if you are brave enough to plow through the three dangerous… er… pages of the deserted tomb, you might find the treasure tomb, or an item under a petpet. Or you might just find a hungry pet, a trap, or an empty tomb.
    • Underwater Fishing- if you are in the mood for roasting fish, discovering rotten junk, or getting an avvie, then fishing underwater is definitely a good daily for you to do.
    • The Grumpy King- this random daily involves you selecting words from a list to form a joke to tell the king. If he chuckles, you can receive an avatar or a prize.
    • The Wise King- another random daily, this involves you telling the king a wise quote. Receiving an "A" on your quote can give you an avatar.

    Wheel of Mediocrity The Wheels:

    • The Wheel of Excitement- spinning the wheel can give you a chance to win 10,000 nps or earn a spiffy avvie for yourself.
    • The Wheel of Monotony- spinning this wheel will take not only at least an hour, but most of your patience. However, you win a nice prize, and possibly an avatar from spinning the wheel.
    • The Wheel of Mediocrity- if you can put up with the dull Peophin, you should be able to get through this wheel quite easily.
    • The Wheel of Misfortune- spooky and unfortunate, the Wheel of Misfortune can make things miserable for you.
    • The Wheel of Knowledge- the most expensive wheel, the Wheel of Knowledge can grant you an avvie, or intelligence, but it mostly gives you cheats for games.

    Faerie Crossword Puzzle

    The Puzzles:
    • Faerie Crossword- this puzzle will give you 600 np upon completion under 5 minutes, and the answers can be found on many sites, including our very own guild webbie!
    • Daily Puzzle- a new addition to the Neopets site, the daily puzzle is found on the Neopets home page, and will grant you a random amount of np for answering the puzzle correctly.
    • Lunar Temple- found in the hidden world of Shenkuu, the wise Gnorbu at the Lunar Temple gives you a lunar star chart and asks you to describe how much of Kreludor the citizens of Neopia will be able to see. Answer it correctly, and he awards you with a moon or star item. Answer it wrong, and he gives you an item that could have possibly emerged from his garbage cans.


























    Guide (Keith)


    To be very successful in the stock market there are many ways you can go about; many different routs along the way to being a very wealthy neopian. We're going to focus on the Stock Market and learn how to use this tool to our advantage. There are many different ways to earn neopoints in the stock market but I'll include that in my next article. I'll begin with guiding you on how to use the Stock Market before you get in over your head.



    It is very important to know how to use the Stock Market before you buy any shares, I suggest that you're able to have 15k on hand and be able to earn 15k almost everyday if you want to make a large, profitable portfolio. So let's just drive right in and learn how to use this mysterious thing that I have been talking about.

    First in order to reach the Stock Market you could go to "Games" on the neopian said-bar and scroll down to "Board Games" usually the game Stock Market is 5th or 4th. Another easier method simply go to the search bar and type in "Stock Market". When you reach there the first thing you may notice is the Red, Black, and Green text floating across the page, pay no real attention to that. The main navigation bar is featured below. Now I'll give a brief summary of what each part means.

    Home - Home Page of The Neopian Stock Market

    Find Stocks - Where you can enter a Ticker to search for your desired stock.

    News/Research - Contains the current Neodaq along with other useless information.

    Profile - Find a profile about a stock by entering the ticker.

    Message Board - Ask for help, info, almost anything related to the Stock Market is found and discussed here.

    My Portfolio - Known as your Port for short, shows your currently own stocks, prices, etc.

    Buy - Enter Ticker of a stock to buy.

    Help - Try here first if you need help.

    To buy a stock there are two ways, first by going to "Find Stocks" and clicking on full list of stocks, the other way is click on "Buy" and enter a company's ticker. When you're viewing the full list of stocks you will see many

    different numbers that may confuse you. Starting from the Left is the Logo or more commonly known as the company's icon/symbol. The Ticker is next witch is like a shorter name for the stock. Company explains itself, the name of it. Volume is the number of shares that other neopians had bought of that stock in that day. Open is the price that it started at the beginning of the day, Curr, or Current is the price/worth of the stock currently. All the way on the right is Change, which is the difference between the opening price and the current price in a percent.

    To purchase shares of a company view the stock list and find on to your liking. Click on the ticker of that particular stock you would like to invest in. When you click on the ticker it gives a description of the stock along with competitors in that market. Click on the company's name and type in how many shares you want of that stock. There is a limit to 1000 shares so don't go over. You want to buy a stock between 15np-17np and sell for a higher profit. I'll include more info about profits and other ways to earn np in the Stock Market.

    After you have purchase you stock(s), to find were they are currently located at, make your way to My Portfolio.

    There is where you will see all the stock you have purchase and current information about them. Much of it is the same as the company's names list, but for a few expectations. Someone then you should know by now I'm just going to cover the others. Under "Today" it gives you the opening price and the current price as well as the change. Under "Holdings" it displays the Quantity (how many shares of that particular stock) and how much you paid for it. TO the very right is Overall and it displays the current Market value (witch is the sell back value currently) and the % Change that shows if you'll be making a profit or not.

    Watch out my next article, it will give you key points and many methods to earn neopoints using the Stock Market.


























    Guildly Dirt (Christine)


    With this being the first issue of the Neo.Anxious paper I would have thought that the most appropriate topic for this article should answer the question, "What should I do now that I've joined this (peculiar) guild?" – The peculiar part is optional of course. But instead I have decided to start with the question, "Why on earth did I join this guild?" Many of us still do not know the answer but for me, it was so I could secretly work my way up, take over the guild and, shortly after, the rest of Neopia. Sadly, I realised that it would never happen so long as I still couldn't spell 'mercury' properly. So, what should you do now that you've accidentally joined Neo.Anxious? Go visit the website, of course, which can be found here: neo.anxious.self-production.net (To be honest, I don't really know how you're reading this article if you don't know how to get to the guild website!) You may find yourself slightly overwhelmed by the millions of pages that there are to browse through, but fear not! I have a plan! First, you open each of the links on the menu on the side in a new tab (tabs are available in Mozilla Firefox or the new Internet Explorer. If you do not have these then poor you, you'll have to open them all in a new -blocked- *manic laugh*). After opening these 5 new tabs, go into each one and open every single link on that page into a new tab (I hope your computer doesn't crash at this point…). Don't worry, there are only approximately 86 pages to look through - a hardship you should be willing to go through for the benefit of the guild. You have permission to run screaming in the other direction. Your next step after trawling through the pages and pretending to read them, will be to think about taking part in the activities. This part is difficult because you and every other person will have the dilemma of which activity to do. Luckily, you should have already opened up every single activity in a tab/window! You can close of all the other irrelevant windows and tabs now, but don't click to fast. Computer's tend to go craaazy when you tell them to do too much at once. If looking at all the activities does not enlighten you as to which ones you want to take part in, then you will have to wait for next month where I will be talking you through the next step (which will be just as fun!) :). Note: Actually posting on the guild boards will come much later as that takes a lot a LOT of courage!


























    Lori Conundrum (Lori)


    (click and drag)
    width='100'


























    Neopian Advice (Misty)


    Question: Is the Lab Map worth buying?

    Answer: The answer to this question all depends on the reasons you want the lab map. If you are in the battledome 24/7 it might be a good purchase. The lab map raises stats and levels more than it changes your pet's color. If you want a specific color for your pet it might not be as good of a buy. You can't know what color the lab ray will turn your pet so you may have to wait a very long time before you get there, time you could spend earning neopoints for a paintbrush that will do the same thing. If you just want a painted pet and you don't care what color the lab map might be a good thing for you to get if you have the dedication to earn the large amount of neopoints needed to obtain it.

    Question: Is there really a Faerie War?
    Answer: From articles I have read the rumor is untrue. Apparently it started with a comic in the Neopian Times and people took it from there. From what I have heard it is all a joke. I read a website that has the conversation of the people planning the April Fools joke. It was a group effort and it is untrue.

    Question: What is the best color to paint a shoryu?
    Answer: Personally I like Maraquan best, but I also like baby, Christmas, and pirate.

    Question: What goals can someone have if they have four painted pets?
    Answer: There are many things worth working for other than painted pets. A few goals you could consider might be lab map, Adam's avatar, and other un acquired avatars. You could also pursue writing for the neopian times.

    Question: How do I attach a petpetpet?
    Answer: Refresh in your inventory. I would suggest removing the petpets you don't want it to attach to before you refresh.

    Question: I don't get how to play the featured game. Help!
    Answer: There are some great game guides at pinkpt.com


























    Neopian Advice (Christine)


    1. What was the first account ever created?
    The first account would probably belong to Adam, in which case it would be borovan.

    2. How do you get chosen to be a neopets monitor?
    To become a monitor you need to be a Neopets employee. There is more information on the employment page

    3. When/what's the next plot going to be?
    There is no up and coming plot that is known of at the moment but there are sites like www.jellyneo.net which will usually let you know when a plot is coming.

    4. What's a plot? Are they easy?
    A plot is a special event that occurs in Neopia and everyone can take part in it. It often involves different activities like solving puzzles, working through a maze or fighting in the battledome. Some plots are time-based (like the Haunted Woods Plot) so if you miss a step you will not be able to go back and do it. These plots have a certain amount of points allotted to how many steps you do and how many times you do these steps (if you can do them more than once) and at the end of the plot you can redeem certain prizes depending on how many points you have. Some plots require you to join a side (like the Curse of Maraqua plot), which usually means that you will be fighting different enemies in the battle dome. You will also receive different prizes depending on the side you pick. Some plots are not time-based so even when the next step is released, you can still start from the very beginning (like the MAltador plot). They usually tend to be quite simple but very tedious but also rewarding if you carry it through.

    5. What's the quickest/easiest way to make money?
    The easiest was would be to buy stocks from the stock market because all you have to do is sit back and wait. If you haven't a clue what the stock market is then take a look at this guide. The quickest way is to probably to play games. You can usually earn on average 300np per game, so that would be almost 1000np after 3 sends. If you just go round trying all the games, your on-hand np tends to accumulate without you noticing!


























    Quizzical (Rita)


    The Ultimate Petpet Quiz

    Which Petpet Are you?

    Oh, let's start with the rules first, fellow guild mates. The only real rule you must abide by, is this: You must answer the question as honestly as you can. Write down your answers on a separate sheet of paper, and then look at the answer key on a separate blog. Once you have completed the test, make sure you add up your responses correctly, otherwise, you won't get the correct result! Count up how many A's you have, B's, C's, D's – the letter that you have chosen most often, is your final petpet. No changes now! After you're done, make sure to post a comment saying which one you are ;)

    P/S: If you want your results, I advise you to read the end note. :)

    1. In your spare time, what do you most like to do?

    a) Snack on some irresistible sweets b) Play outside (preferably, in the snow) c) Uhhh, I don't do anything. d) Hanging out in the recesses of my own room does it for me.

    2. Your favourite colours, are:

    a) Happy colours! (Pink, purple…) b) White c) Eeeeeh, I don't have a favourite colour. d) Green, blue, black … you get the idea?

    3. If you were to have a pet, you would get a:

    a) An elf! Or a faerie! If only I could … b) A bunny, or something equally fuzzy. c) Eeeh, I have my uncle's old pet rock! That'll do for me. d) Something slimy – a lizard, a fish?

    4. What's your favourite season?

    a) Summer / Spring b) Winter / Fall c) Huzzah. I don't have a favourite season! d) Any season that's wet and murky, I'll do…

    5. Which personality trait most suits you?

    a) High-maintenance, materialistic, expensive … b) Fun, playful, loveable c) I'd say, hmmm, calm and perhaps shy? d) Sneaky, stealth, and even a little double-personality going on

    6. What are you most known for on Neopets?

    a) Your collections b) Your avatars c) Eeeeh, I'm not really known on Neopets. d) Your pets

    7. If you could get one avatar on Neopets, what would it be?

    a) Stamp Collector - Snowy Valley b) Whee! c) I don't need avatars. Hmph. d) Ghost Krawk

    8. What's your favourite place to "hang" on Neopets?

    a) Faerieland b) Winter Valley c) Anywhere's fine d) Fungus caves

    * * *

    Now, make sure your answers are ALL correct by scrolling up and possibly, well, reviewing your answers and making your final changes.

    If you're perfectly confident with your answers, count them up! TWICE if you have to! This can and will alter your final product.

    Done counting? Make sure you've got EIGHT and only EIGHT responses. I don't want any of the "Ohhhh, I couldn't decide so I put two." *ahem* Choose the answer that BEST suits your needs, please and thank you.

    Done? Are you suuuuuuuuuuure? Are you really, really, really, really sure?

    FAIR ENOUGH.

    GO HERE:

    -unavailable-

    Oh, snap, crackle, pop! It's protected!?!? WHY, OH WHY! Don't worry, dearies. It's protected only from those people that haven't yet taken this test. Muah ha hahahaha. I'm so evil. Well, for those that really HAVE taken this test, make sure you say so. Here's a tiny hint ... the word is: "I finished the quiz" Just like that. You might as well copy and paste it. Be sure not to include the quotes, and to capitalize the I. SEEE!? I told you to read the whole post XDDDD

    Have you completed the quiz? Are you sure? Or are you just being sneaky? If yes, make SURE you go back up.

    Dun dun dun …

    Now, for your final results guild-mates! Before you peek below, make sure you check your answers above so they are completely accurate. The test won't be right if your answers are a little, well, wrong!

    So are you convinced that you have answered the above questions with the utmost honesty? If yes, I allow you to proceed :D

    IF YOU HAVE THE MOST A'S

    You're the loveable, adorable Candychan. You are one of the most coveted Petpets in Neopia – your costly value speaks more than anything else. Sure, you like expensive things – it's in your nature! Not everyone can be a Candychan, however. So, consider yourself lucky! Maybe liking luxurious things isn't so bad … Of course, you can show off your shiny things to your friends and admire them, however the tons of work you have to put into getting those pricey pixels is quite the obstacle.

    If you wish to post your results on your own personal page (please don't redistribute these little banners! They are property of SMARTBELLA264) you may copy the below code in whatever site you please – myspace, your Neopets profile, your Neopets Petpage etc. Use to your discretion.

    [img xsrc="http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q213/numbsmile/CANDYCHAN.jpg"]

    * * *

    IF YOU HAVE THE MOST B'S

    You're active, you're fun, you're playful – you're a Snowbunny! Although almost anything suits your tastes, you like roaming around (especially in the winter!) Making friends is your definite strong point – you are, after all, a rather popular petpet and a silly, random Neopian. You like the great outdoors, at least most of the time. Can you say friendly? People like you so much because you're care-free and amusing, and at the same time you are helpful and caring.

    If you wish to post your results on your own personal page (please don't redistribute these little banners! They are property of SMARTBELLA264) you may copy the below code in whatever site you please – myspace, your Neopets profile, your Neopets Petpage etc. Use to your discretion.

    [img xsrc="http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q213/numbsmile/ROCK.jpg"]

    * * *

    IF YOU HAVE THE MOST C'S

    You are the, er, darling, cuddly Rock petpet. You're a bit of a shy trooper, and you're rather undecided about most of what you like. You're still trying to find yourself, and your hobbies – this can be quite the pain! Although you're shy, you're still somewhat opinionated, and you don't easily fall into the crazy trends of Neopia. Good for you! You float your own boat, and make your own trends. Not everyone has the guts to do it!

    If you wish to post your results on your own personal page (please don't redistribute these little banners! They are property of SMARTBELLA264) you may copy the below code in whatever site you please – myspace, your Neopets profile, your Neopets Petpage etc. Use to your discretion.

    [img xsrc="http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q213/numbsmile/ROCK.jpg"]

    * * *

    IF YOU HAVE THE MOST D'S

    You are the super-stealth, super-slippery Krawk petpet. You tend to prefer having a few close friends, rather than many people around you. You're secretive, and you keep to yourself. You would much rather say, stay in your room as opposed to going out. You are, nevertheless, well-liked in the Neopian population but you stray from the "limelight". You don't exactly care for what people think about you. As reserved as you are, you know exactly what you want and where you're heading – at least most of the time!

    If you wish to post your results on your own personal page (please don't redistribute these little banners! They are property of SMARTBELLA264) you may copy the below code in whatever site you please – myspace, your Neopets profile, your Neopets Petpage etc. Use to your discretion.

    [img xsrc="http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q213/numbsmile/KRAWK.jpg"]

    * * *

    Now for the funnest part! Post your answers, so we know which Petpet YOU are ;)



























    Rant (Christine)


    Apostrophes First it was 'bad as'. Then they took 'aliens'. Now ... They've stolen apostrophes! If, on a whim, you feel like posting a message on the guild boards which looks something like this : '''''''''''''"'"'"', then you are out of luck. You will be confronted by an evil meerca looking as though it's about to sneeze. The reasons that it shouts to you for this blockage of innocent apostrophes is a) a possible rude word – not likely b) HTML that had to be blocked – I don't see any anywhere c) -disallowed_word- tags – now why would I be talking in a foreign language? d) a mistake – hmmm, you think? Some people think that this is all part of the April Fools Joke. But how can this be when it isn't even remotely funny! Far from it! In fact, it may even spell disaster (for those of you who CAN spell) for the whole of Neopia and here's why: What is the impact of this anti-apostrophe movement? The most direct impact is that typing will never be the same again ... ever! That random 'dash key' which masquerades as an apostrophe always eludes me (and I'm sure it eludes everyone else, too) and every message has to be posted twice as there is always a sneaky apostrophe that needs re-typing! Hence, time consuming! One side effect of the anti-apostrophe movement will be that the population of meercas will drastically decrease. Not only are they already ugly to begin with, but now the unpleasant image of the sneezing meerca will be forever imprinted on our minds. How could we ever bring ourselves to own one?? On a recent survey, I have heard many opinions, one of which includes, "I don't think I will ever be able to adopt a meerca after this." A quote from middle-name Misty herself who lives at 26395 Wishing Well Drive, Neopia Central. Another side effect is the insanity it causes. Here is another quote that I have aquired from Sayan, who lives at 579975 Guild Street, Neopia Central, "-runs into wall- Me no stupido!". Clearly a contradiction. With this, I conclude that, if nothing is done about the lack of apostrophes, it will not be just the war that is causing global warming.


























    Shopping Bazaar (SM)


    align='top'

    Have you ever wondered how people make millions and millions of neopoints? Sometimes it is luck, other times it comes from hard work. There are people who get a lucky snipe on the auctions, some may have invested in the right stock, and still others are incredibly lucky and get something such as a rare random event or even win the lottery. Luck almost always play a part in getting rich, but the most common way to make million upon millions of neopoints is restocking. Today I will tell you about my personal favorite place to restock, the Post Office.

    Stamps are one of the most profitable items in neopia, and there is a huge selection of them to choose from. Many of neopia's supply of stamps restock at the Post Office, and because its cost an incredible amount of neopoints to complete an album you can make big neopoints off them. First, just like in all restocking shops, you need quick reflexes and to be skilled at it. Nearly everything that restocks at the Post Office is valuable, but some items are more so than others. For example, I nearly got a Xantan stamp that restocks there which sells for 6 million. To be successful with restocking, you have to be able to glance at the screen, click on a stamp, type your price in, and then submit it all in less than 5 seconds. This can be very tough, so it takes a lot of practice. The best stamp I've ever gotten was worth 40k, but I haven't been doing it for a very long time. Usually any stamp that sells for exactly 5000 neopoints will be worth a huge amount; Neoquest, Neoquest 2, and Holographic stamps also tend to be very profitable.

    To me, there are three kinds of stamps you can get at the post office, easy, medium, and hard. Easy stamps restock in bulk, and do not sell out for a while. They are not always profitable, but they are never challenging to get. Sometimes you can make 1000 neopoints by buying 10 easy stamps that sell for 100 more than you buy them for. Then there are medium stamps, this is the kind that I usually restock. They typically sell between 2k and 20k, although they can sell for more. They always sell for 1k more than you buy them for, so you make many nice profits. There are 1-3 of these in a restock, so if you spend enough time you can make a lot of neopoints from restocking these all day. Finally you have the hard stamps. Usually a kind of hard stamp such as the Xantan I mentioned earlier will only restock once or twice a day, if at all. There is only 1 in stock, and it can sell from anywhere between 100k to millions or neopoints. Everyone tries to get them, so they are very challenging to acquire.

    In the end, it is up to you to try stamps out for yourself. It took me a few hours to get the hang of it, but it's different for everyone. Work hard and be patient, and maybe you'll restock a million neopoint stamp or your own. Good luck and happy restocking.



























    So They Say (Molly)


    Are you curious when it comes to Lori the Pirate Captain (luverbunnyz)? Read on, to seek your treasure!

    So Lori, Tell me about your account and past on Neopets!

    Well, this is my main account, and oldest. I created it when I was *counts* 9 or 10. I was convinced to create an account when at camp, some of my friends mentioned it. So I got home, was bored one day, and created one. Like most people, I started out as a newbie/n00b so i did those crazy chain messages, but was informed that it was against the rules. =D So I created my first pet, Splasherbabie, a blue Shoyru. But I never clicked one of the links to finish, so I made another pet, looked at my Quick Ref, and saw that Splasherbabie wasn't there! So i created Splasherbabi, a blue Shoyru, CloudiPuffs, a blue Meerca, BananaFuz, a yellow Kacheek, and Treetotter, a green Bruce. Eventually I pounded my Meerca and Kacheek, and adopted a green Koi from a pounding board. I painted my Shoyru purple along the way, my Bruce spotted, and then my Koi spotted. I decided my Bruce looked tacky spotted, so I painted her Christmas. Then I created CloudyIcing (I like clouds, huh?) a blue Cybunny, which later I got a Fountain Faerie Quest and spent 100k on it to paint her plushie. And now I'm on another quest! =D Well I don't really do much on Neopets except answer neomails and go to the guild. I used to have a neohome but recently I decided to sell everything in it. I now have a Fyora and keyring gallery, much of which were gifts from fellow guild members. =D Oh yeah and I don't take charity. =D

    What are hobbies you have, and what makes you unique?

    I really don't have that many hobbies...except the guild maybe! I spend 99.9% of my time on the Internet at the guild =D. Everybody is unique, so I'm just another unique person so I'm just like everybody else. Okay well..I probably chat the most out of the people on the guild, I am very serious most of the time, but can be joke around. I'm a peacemaker and I hope to be a highly moralistic person. Our world needs some role models other than Paris Hilton. =P

    Do you have a motto that you relate to?

    A motto? How about MANY mottos? I have a storage of many quotes in my head, and they'll come out when needed. Of course, I tend to edit them to fit the situation at hand! One of my favorite quotes is: "All that is gold does not glitter, Not all who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crown-less again shall be king."

    What is your favorite place on Neopets? Why?

    My favorite place on Neopets is the guild, because I love it and its members! I don't do anything else on Neopets, anyway. =D

    Which season do you like best? Why?

    I don't exactly have a favorite season, all have their faults. But I guess I would have to say Autumn, because 1. It is the only season that has two names, 2. The bugs/heat from summer are starting to fade, but it isn't as cold and dreadful as winter, 3. All the trees are so pretty, 4. It's the harvesting season and everyone is just in great spirits =D, 5. Although I might not totally love school, I love the first day, the rush of it all, and seeing who is in your classes.

    Do you like to read? What are some books you have read recently?

    I like to read but I don't read books outside of school, just in the summer. The reason? The guild occupies most of my time. Some books I can think of off the top of my head are Goose Girl, Out of the Dust, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Artemis Fowl Series, The Clique Series, and Walk Two Moons.

    What do you like to see in the books you read?

    I like books that have some fantasy, and a bit of wit. I don't like historical books - those are for school! Clever, cute, and creative are what I look for in a book.

    Why did you join the guild?

    Well I was leader of my own guild for a while, but we never got past 20 members. I was getting bored with Neopets so I handed the leadership to my friend Winny, who made it a plushie themed guild. Then she was grounded from the computer for the rest of her life so I basically quit neopets. One day, I came back, deleted the guild, and posted a guildless ad. So many of these hardly-worth-a-look guilds posted an ad: "oMg!!1! we will geeve u a pb if u j0in!1." So then sparkly_button posted a neo.anxious ad, and I was curious. I liked Pheixar's petpage, but couldn't figure out what the guild was about, so Sparkly sent me the link to the guild website. I fell in love! So I wrote out this long application, and I looked everywhere until I could find rainbow dung, I so wanted to be accepted. Half an hour later, I was still waiting. I got nervous and told Sparkly, "If I get accepted/reject, will you tell me?" and she finally came on, apologized for her computer freezing, and zapped me an invite! I was totally excited - I remember chatting with Nelle, Attie, Becca, and Rita the most. I was also very careful with my messages not to include spam, or anything inappropriate. Nowadays I'm more relaxed! =D

    What is your opinion on the pound and pound surfers?

    I have no opinion about the pound/surfers, because I don't plan on pounding any of my pets. Although it can be annoying to have you pet stolen by surfers, you have to give it to them: they spend their lives refreshing at that darn pound!

    What do you think looks best on a pet, a simple design or a totally changing look from a paintbrush? How many NP did you save a day in order to paint your pets?

    I love paintbrushes that totally morph your pet - it's an exciting change, and you're getting your NP's worth! What do you mean SAVE? That's ALL I do! I never spend NP on anything, and I probably don't remember how much I save. But if you play lots of games, you'll eventually reach your goal (yes, in the olden days I did play games).

    What are some goals you have on Neo?

    I want to repaint my shoyru some different color, I think my second Fountain Faerie quest should take care of that. I also want to get the Adam avatar, and the MSPP but the latter is a bit of a ridiculous goal considering the NP I have.

    Proofread by: Attie 03/15/07


























    The Buzz (Chels)


    This month, TNT has been busy releasing all different kinds of things to Neopians. Here's a run-down of all of the new releases that have been introduced in April so far:

    Toys: • On April 1st, four toys were released to the Toy Store in order to appease the appetites of all of the practical jokesters. You can now use the Gag Bowtie, Fake Dung, Hand Buzzer, and Whoopee Cushion to play pranks on friends, family, and strangers. Just make sure you leave Jhudora alone! • The Toy Store has produced four new toys that you can use to play with your pet on those rainy days! In honor of the Gallion petpets, you can now play with a Gallion Yoyo, Gallion Action Figure, Bobbing Gallion Toy, and Orange Gallion Origami. • Plushie Palace produced perfect plushies! Head on over and find a White Snowball Plushie, Snackrifice Snorkle, and Snackrifice Polarchuck. • Plushie Palace now has four spring plushies to present to your pet! Put a smile on their faces when you give them a new Pink Babaa Plushie, Blue Polarchuck Plushie, Yellow Snowbunny Plushie, and Green Weewoo Plushie.

    Books: • April Fool's Day greeted Neopians with another wonderful surprise. There are now four April Fool's Day books that are available in the Bookshop to inform even the most clueless pet how to pull of one of the best pranks. To educate your pets on this not-so-education subject, purchase Dirty Jokes, Gigglers, Shock Humor, and When You Are Blue. • Four Gallion-themed books have hit bookstores on April 4th. At night, try reading Gallion Care, Gallant Gallion Comics, or The Gorgeous Gallion. If your pet gets tired of reading, beat the boredom blues with the new Gallion Coloring Book.

    Food: • In honor of Shoyru day on April 2nd, the Chocolate Factory created four new chocolates- Shoyru style! Your pets can now munch on a Milk Chocolate Shoyru, Orange Chocolate Shoyru, Peanut Butter Shoyru, and White Chocolate Shoyru. • For those pets on a diet, the Health Food Shop has added four new items to their stock. Cheese Puffs, Corn Puffs, Dried Mango, and Organic Almond Butter are the new and delicious items that will whet your appetite but keep the weight off!

    Furniture: • Deck your house with new Shoyru furniture that the Furniture Shop has featured on April 2nd! Swing by the Shop and check out the Red Shoyru Rug, Blue Shoyru Beanbag, Sunny Shoyru Shelf, and Green Shoyru Sofa! Just ask the shopkeeper, and he'll show you his Shoyru items!! =3 • In honor of the Gallion petpets, the Furniture Shop has released four new items to decorate your house. Purchase your Gallion Table, Gallion Curtains, Gallion Wall Clock, and Gallion Rug today!

    Musical Instrument: • For everyone who is inspired by Yes Boy! Ice Cream to create a band, the Neopian Music Shop has heard your wishes! You can now purchase Bagpipes, Finger Cymbals, a Rainstick or a Snake Charmer Flute and head home and start practicing today.

    Pet Colors: • Yet another color has been released for the Shoyrus on April 2nd! If you hurry on to the Rainbow Pool, your Shoyru and you will see that they can now be painted Electric and Invisible!

    Petpet Colors: • The Dandan petpets can now be painted in four new colors! Give your petpet Dandan a new makeover by heading over to the Rainbow Pool and painting it Faerie, Blue, Tyrannian, and Yellow!

    Games: • Tamagotchi: Friendly Journey is a new sponsor game that was released on April 4th. In this game, use your keys to navigate the Tamagotchi friends to collect items to help them excel in their career aspirations. • A new game is now available for Neopians! While those who fear PPL will stay far away from the opportunity to throw petpets to the Snowbeast, others don't, and will enjoy playing Snowbeast Snackrifice.

    Shopkeepers: • To spiff your shops up a little bit more, three Gallion shopkeepers are available. Show off your love for the Gallion breed by having Gallion – Ghost Hovering, Gallion – Sleeping, or Gallion – White Attack as your shopkeeper!

    And for those who have beaten AAA or Abigail in all 31 games, the bonus prize is now available for claiming!


























    Soapbox (Chels)


    Edna's Final Quest

    A loud, harsh cackle could be heard throughout the dark night in the Haunted Woods. Another could be heard, following by a harsh grating sound and a flash of green light. Nearby, heavy breathing and a snap of twigs could scarcely be detected.

    Be quiet, you fool!" hissed one voice harshly. Another flash of light illuminated the darkness, revealing the figures of two young Neopets. A Lupe was shoving a younger, crying Shoyru forward, grinding his teeth as he struggles against the weight.

    I want to go, Porter!" the younger Lupe cried, her voice weak and shaking with freight. "Stop it!

    Cry-baby!" the older Lupe taunted him. "Now move it, Heather!" With a surge of strength, Porter gave Heather the final shove, leaving her dumped on the doorsteps of a fearsome looking door. The big door, towering and unnerving, is minimal in comparison to the large tower- black, fearsome, dilapidated and intimidating.

    Heather tried to run away from the tower, but Porter held her to the ground with his foot. Opening the door, he quickly picked her up and threw her into the tower and closed the door. As she fell in the tower, she noticed that it was dark, incredibly dark. The darkness of the night outside was incomparable to this. Entering in the tower, Heather felt like she had entered into the abyss. She could see nothing, just hear echoes of the occasional evil cackle from the witch.

    Scampering off of her bruised knees, Heather tried to open the door, but it was stuck. Unable to accept defeat and whatever terrifying fate would wait for her, she struggled further with the door, throwing her whole weight against it. Finally, out of strength but full of tears, she sank to the floor and wept.

    Oblivious to everything but the large tears that were dropping from her face onto her hands, Heather was unable to hear the approaching footsteps. She only realized that a form was standing near her when she felt a cold hand on her shoulder, and long nails digging into her back. Suddenly, her heart stopped and she peered through the hazy wall of tears and made out a green form standing in green light. Weak from the previous struggle with Porter and the unmoving door, and unable to take the panic and fear that struck her heart, Heather collapsed.

    ---x---

    When Heather awoke again, she was confused and panic-stricken about where she was. After blinking her eyes a few times, she was able to look around the room. The room was large and made out of stones, with two, small windows on the south wall and a heavy wooden door on the north wall. Heather could see no form of light, yet the room was illuminated with a dim light with a green tint. Focusing on the contents of them, Heather could only spy the small, black bed that she was resting on, five bookcases filled with different books, two black chairs, and a large cauldron.

    Suddenly, her memories of the previous hours came rushing into her mind. She remembered Porter, shoving her through the woods despite her pleas. She recalled the tower, the fear in her heart, and the cold, black terror that pierced her soul as she fell into what seemed like an abyss.

    And then she saw herself, weeping and crying, approached by Edna. She thought about Edna's cold hand on her shoulder, and it seemed like she could feel it even now. A shiver was sent up her spine as she tried to forget about it, but it wouldn't go away.

    I'm sorry," she heard a scratchy voice behind her say; "my hands are always so cold. I just forget about it sometimes.

    She felt the hand withdraw off her shoulder, and realized that it wasn't a memory that she felt- it was Edna. Heather blanched as she looked behind her, and found herself staring into the old, weathered face of the green Zafara. Before she could think anything, or do anything, a bowl of soup found its way onto her lap.

    Eat up, my dear. You'll need your strength.

    Heather stared at the soup, expecting it to be composed of green goo and unsavory ingredients. Instead, she found herself staring at the most delicious looking stew that she had seen. Suspicious, Heather eyed the soup. Finally, she looked up at Edna.

    You're trying to poison me!" she accused.

    Edna's eyes widened in shock, and she stood there looking at Heather for a few seconds. Suddenly her eyes warmed up, and she broke out into laughter. This wasn't the evil cackles that she heard previously, rather, it was good-hearted, pure laughter.

    Poison you?" she asked incredulously, "Nay, not that. I'm trying to feed you. However… if you do not want food, you would not have to eat it. I just believe that you need food to strengthen you. You seem to have had a rough night.

    Heather wanted to throw the stew at Edna, and yell that she did not believe Edna's farce. But her stomach protested, growling at her and informing her of her fierce hunger. So, instead of replying to Edna, she just stared in the soup. A few seconds later, Edna walked over to her cauldron where she began to work again.

    As Edna began to hum a Jub Zambra song, Heather felt that she wanted to burst into laughter. This is the ferocious, unmerciful, wicked Edna? This old Zafara? Edna who carried a fainted Shoyru to a bed to rest, instead of killing her? This witch who uses her cauldron to cook soup and who hums Jub Zambra while cooking?

    Suddenly, Heather felt her heart sink. Edna reminded her of her own grandmother. Except, Edna was alone, unloved. Edna's name was used as a threat, a tool to extract horror in the listeners, and her face took its form in nightmares. Fighting off tears, Heather began to feel pity in her heart, and shame for treating Edna so badly.

    Hopping off the edge of the bed, Heather walked over to Edna.

    Edna?" she said weakly. The old witch looked at her. "I'm sorry.

    Edna looked taken aback as she stared down at Heather. "Sorry?" she asked gently. "Sorry for what?" Heather felt ridiculous as she replied. "For thinking that you were an evil witch.

    Edna's face broke out into laughter, and her eyes began to gleam. She gave Heather a pat on the shoulder and sat down in one of the nearby chairs. Heather sat down too, as Edna told her "Don't worry. It's a common misconception.

    Doesn't it hurt you?" Heather asked. "Don't you get lonely?

    Edna sat still for awhile, the laughter that had danced on her face was replaced with a serious, contemplative look. Finally, Edna nodded. "It does. I do." She exhaled deeply, and stared into the fire. Heather sat uncomfortably, and stared into the fire too. Finally, she asked Edna, "Is that why you give people quests? So they can come visit you?

    Edna looked at Heather. "I guess it is so they can come visit me, but not because I am lonely." Heather cocked her head to the right, confused. "I want to see if these people know someone.

    A friend of yours?

    A friend? Nay, not a friend at all. A backstabber, a selfish thief. You see, when I was a little girl, I would always love to play with my mother's locket. I would put it on, and stare at myself in the mirror. The gold chain, and the Meowclops pedant seem only like a simple necklace, at first. But my mother taught me how to open the Meowclops, and inside the pendant, there was a picture of my mother, my father and I." Edna stopped here, and took a few deep breaths. Heather, thought back to in the woods with Porter. She found a necklace like that, she realized. It was hanging on her neck, hidden by her shirt. Heather was about to say something, but Edna resumed her story.

    When I left our home to come here, my mother gave me that locket. 'Edna' she told me, 'if you keep this locket near your heart, I will always be there'. And I did- I never took that locket off. But one day, a friend, well, she was a friend at that point, came to visit. I was asleep, though. She decided to take advantage of that, though, and she took the locket off of me, and ran out of the house. I woke up as she was dashing out of the room, and then I realized that she had taken my locket. But it was too late- she was already gone and my locket is lost. That is why I give out quests. I hope that one of them might know her, or know where my locket is…" Edna trailed off at this point and stared into the fire. Heather got up and walked over to Edna. She placed one hand on Edna's shoulder, and held out her other hand. Hanging off her fingers was a thin gold chain. On the chain was a Meowclops pendant. The pendant was made from gold, too, and decorated with emeralds and rubies.

    Edna's eyes began to water, as she stared at the pendant. Slowly, with shaking hands, she opened it up, and there was the picture of Edna when she was little, and her mother and father. Getting up, she gave Heather a hug. "Thank you!" she cried as she hooked the chain around her neck. "If there is anything I can do for you, just tell me.

    Heather thought for a minute and then with a sly smile looked up at Edna. "Well… there is one little favor you can do…

    ---x---

    Porter was fighting with his friends over a Lenny's lunch money, when he saw Heather return. "Look guys!" Porter shouted. "Helpless Heather is coming back from Edna's! Did you cry?" Porter began to imitate Heather's pleading and crying from the previous night. The group burst into laughter, but it was short lived as they saw a form emerge from behind the Shoyru.

    Suddenly, a cackle erupted, cutting through the silence. "Porter!" an ominous, harsh voice shouted. Porter's face became white as he stared at Edna, who was standing right in front of him. He tried to run, but he was unable to move. Looking down in terror, he noticed that his feet were grasped by vines. Suddenly, her burst into tears, falling on his knees.

    Oh please don't hurt me!" he cried.

    Heather looked at him and smiled. "Funny, Porter. It seems like the roles have reversed." Mimicking the tough face that he had on a few minutes ago, Heather bent down and stared at Porter. "Did you cry?" She mocked, and then gave Edna a hug. "Thank you," she whispered to Edna.

    Edna looked at her and gave her a warm smile. Suddenly, she took of the necklace and held it out to Heather. "Take it, Heather," she told her. "Wear it close to your heart, and I will always be there." Heather, touched deeply by the gesture, took the locket from her and looked inside it. And there, next to the picture of Edna's family, was a picture of Edna and Heather. She looked back up to Edna, but she wasn't there anymore. She had vanished, leaving Porter stuck in the vines, and his group and the harassed Lenny laughing at his predicament.

    Help?" Porter asked her.

    Heather shook her head. "It's time you learn a lesson about bullying," she stated and walked away, the locket pressing against her heart.


























    May '08 Articles




























    Around Neopia (Sparkly)


    MARAQUA - Ello. Sparkly here. If you're wondering how I am underwater it is because of an Usuki Scuba Diving Play Set I purchased. It actually works! :O Maraqua was once ruined by pirates. You know, the people that go and steal your "booty." Now why they go around stealing other people's butts is a question best left unanswered.
    OMG~ "NEW BATTLEDOME CHALLENGER!!! Chiazilla will be waiting for you in the BATTLEDOME!!! Up from the depths, twenty stories high... CHIAZILLA. 300 metric tons of fear, and he's not happy...
    I just wanted to buy some sea shells. -sob-
    So here you can buy a house, a petpet, some seashells, weapons and some yummy food. So you could live here with an aquatic petpet that uses shells for weapons to kill Chiazilla and then go eat a Honeyed Horn Of Plenty. The strange thing at Kelp is the fact the waiters are fish or at least part fish. I mean they serve us dishes that use seafood right? Seafood Dishes + Part Fish Waiters. o_0 If you're in the mood for exploring, try the ruins. They have Underwater Fishing? How do you fish underwater? There's also colouring pages. Speaking of colour have you seen those Maraquan pets? I heard it has something to do with that Bubbling Pit over there. o_0
    I think I shall be afraid of fish now. T_T

    Proofread by: Alyssa 04/14/08



























    Dear Mr. Muggles (Sparkly)


    Dear Mr. Muggles,
    So I'm this writer for neo.anxious' newspaper. I do Around Neopia and that's basically it since NOBODY is sending in stuff under MY name without me knowing because that's probably breaking at least one law there. GUESS WHAT? I'm going to hand my article in ON TIME FOR ONCE! -bows- I know. You know what hurts my head? The Lori Conundrum. Stupid puzzles. You know what else hurts my head? PROFESSOR LAYTON. Dz HE'S A TEA MANIAC LIKE CHRISTINE but very skilled at everything unlike her. Chyeah, a tea loving, front page (London Times to be exact), sword fighting, puzzle master who "puts a lady's needs first" that has THE LAYTONMOBILE! YEAH! AWESOMEST CAR EVER. It has a high roof so he can drive without taking off his top hat. -nods- I want a top hat. His puzzles are hard though. Here's an easy one though:
    Some astronaut lands on a planet. It's covered with little creatures. In his 3 hour search he counts 447 males, 582 females, and 928 with characteristics of both male and female. How many aliens are on this planet? HA! TRY SOLVING THAT.

    Dear Sparkly,
    Yes, I read the newspaper of your guild once in a while. After all it is one of the best guilds in Neopia. Do you every read it? I hope not. You might find an unpleasant surprise. Anyways, with neo.anxious in Sloth's control... er... I mean... nothing. Nothing at all. Apparently I heard from somebody who went to church that sloth is a sin. Sloth is basically equivalent to being lazy. There has been too many sins in my life if that statement is true.
    I don't not know why you mortals find this Lori Conundrum so difficult. It's quite easy for somebody who has at least a little bit brain. This Professor Layton, I feel as I have heard of him from somewhere. Maybe the London Times perhaps. No wait, Luke sent a letter. Detailing about their visit to St. Mystere. Yes, that's it. Top hats aren't in anymore unfortunately. Now they're magician props. You found this puzzle difficult? Oh wait. No you didn't. Ha. For once you show some brain. Do any of you friends have common sense as well? Tell them I'll send them some pie if they get it right.

    Proofread by: Alyssa 04/07/08



























    Around Neopia (Sparkly)


    NEOPIA CENTRAL - 'Ello. Sparkly here. And you should know me, because if you don't, either read more articles or go shoot yourself in your foot. Because I'm mean like that. :[ GRRR! FEAR ME! AND THE WRATH OF MY AWESOME TONBERRY PLUSHIE! It's a Final Fantasy thing. :P
    Anyways, due to Chatspeak Day, people thought I was a n00b and refused to let me use the public transit so I am stuck here. But I managed to get 100 Neopoints from some random nice person. YAY~ -insert party blower here-
    Today I am improvising and writing my article about The Rainbow Pool. :O Shocking, I know!
    So basically when you become some rich person and decide not to get the Lab Ray because you're "so rich that it's not needed" or you're "too broke to buy Lab Ray" then you buy a paint brush and come here. You may also come here if you are one of the judges for Most Hideous Pet Of The Year Award.
    Here, you can also see happy owners paint their equally happy pets. Again, not ALL owners and pets are happy as judges are around here eating stuff like Whomp Berry Noodles.
    If you want to find a new goal you can either check the pet colour list, the paint brush list, or the petpet colour list. Speaking of petpets, you can paint your pet's petpet in different colours as well. But usually people only want avatar petpets and don't really care about them so you probably won't see petpets here often.
    You know what I wonder about? Why does there have to be a body of water when you're about to PAINT a pet/petpet? Why does there have to be a pool/puddle/fountain? Hmmm? And where does the brush go after you paint your pet? These are questions that need answers but sometime some questions are better left unanswered.

    Proofread by: Alyssa 03/28/08



























    Council Editorial (Lori)


    Q: Why are activities updated the 22nd? -- witchy_raindrops
    A: This date varies from month to month; basically, all biweekly activities last approximately 2 weeks, so they get updated that often.

    Q: What are we planning to use our till for? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: That is up for the guild to decide, but a couple people have opted for avvie lending.

    Q: Will there ever be another council election? -- 1schmidt
    A: If the current council members agree that there should be one.

    Q: Most "established" guilds that I've joined have forced me to quit because trying to become welcomed into the guild is like trying to break through an iron dome. You "jump in" to the conversation over and over again, and when you are finally forced to yell, "PLEASE STOP IGNORING ME," everyone yells at you and says you should have just jumped into the conversation! So, my question for you is, what is going to happen when I start chatting in your guild for the first time? -- theladyofcarrot
    A: I'm glad you asked that! Personally, I believe a good guild has solid ethics, and one of them is truth. If I say that we are a very welcoming family, then we are! I have not once seen anybody being ignored at the board, and part of the reason why is because I myself am very overprotective of new members.

    Q: Umm. Is n.a active? -- witchy_raindrops
    A: Activeness cannot be defined as it varies from person to person because it is an opinion, but we have a higher post per hour rate than most guilds.

    Q: How did rainbow dung become such a popular neo.anxious icon? -- 1schmidt
    A: Attie put it in the original application (which has remained unchanged except that I added two words: the item) and since then, we just went along with it. xD

    Q: Will we ever have different themed ranks? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: Most likely not.

    Q: Does the layout of the webbie ever change? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: Only Attie has access to change that, and since she's gone, probably not.

    Q: Why is Christine Fyora? -- witchy_raindrops
    A: It was during the second war when I officially dubbed her Fyora to go along with the storyline for the war.

    Q: Can we change the information page layout again? -- witchy_raindrops
    A: We can.

    Q: Where did the name "neo.anxious" come from? Was it that way when Attie started it? -- witchy_raindrops
    A: Attie named it that, and we've been named thus ever since. Many other guilds have actually liked this idea and named their guild something.something!

    Q: In addition to avatar items, will the guild ever lend petpets? -- cobolt_87
    A: You can request certain petpet avatars through the PP redemption center, like angelpuss and drackonack. In the future, if avatar lending goes successfully, we might lend meowclops. As for petpets that need to be aged, it is impractical to lend someone a petpet for say, 100 days. If the pound opens up in the future, however, we might do that. ^^

    Proofread by: Alyssa 03/24/08


























    *Rant (concerned guild member)


    Topic: Guilds that copy us!
    I don't usually write for the newspaper, so you'll have to excuse anything I'm doing wrong ... but anyway, I'm a fellow member of neo.anxious (a quite old one, at that!) and I wanted to RANT about copy-cat guilds (or how Lori calls them, guilds that take their inspirations from us). HA. Inspirations!? More like, copy and paste. What has neo.anxious gone through? Guilds that copy and pasted the application page, is the first one. Maybe changed a few words around, but it's pretty obvious they did it. Credit? Nah. Or maybe a tiny tiny tiny one-word credit like thanks, neo.anxious in some hidden corner of the page. Where's the originality these days!? Second, guilds that copy and paste the darn CODING! Now, I don't think any of the council members let anyone do this, so uhh, can't we report you for that? Then, there's the newspaper. I've seen at least 3 guilds basically rip off our articles from our's. Yeah, they left a credit, but wouldn't it look better to their OWN members if they actually came up with their OWN ideas instead of just copying our's and giving us a credit? Next, the application tutorial. Now, I KNOW for a fact that we came up with this ages ago. Now they're on every private guild you see. And lastly, our layout preview. I have confirmation from a council member that we came up with this do, and now it's EVERYWHERE on the Guild Chat! As an advertiser myself, I feel that neo.anxious isn't getting enough recognition for all this originality that we have! People keep commenting about how all NR guilds are the same- isn't it kind of obvious WHY?

    Proofread by: Alyssa 02/23/08



























    Council Editorial (Lori)


    Q: How often do you put something in the "Lori says:" box. -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: Whenever the current information is no longer valid, or when I have something to replace it with!

    Q: Do clubs have to have a theme? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: I most likely will not accept any without a theme. xD

    Q: Can I ask for homework help on the boards? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: Conversation on the neoboards is unlimited as long as it follows TNT's rules, and as long as it does not make anyone feel uncomfortable.

    Q: Is there a limit to how many clubs the guild can have in all? -- made up
    A: I don't plan on having a limit, but if there are 40 clubs with 1 member each in them, I would probably encourage people to join clubs rather than make them.

    Q: Can clubs have multiple leaders? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: Well, of course the other leader(s) would not be able to edit the petpage that the club is on, but I could see how that could be arranged. That's a yes. :)

    Q: Can I submit a new ad? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: You can always use your own advertisement when advertising. If you think your ad is simply AMAZING and beats the two that we have up, I could put it up, getting the consent of some people first.

    Q: Do you plan on adding anymore activities? -- x_lostfang_x
    A: Activities are never planned, they just are created when it pops into our head! xD I think we have a sufficient amount of activities for the moment, and we usually have several seasonal activities throughout the year. If you have an idea though, the activities committee would love to hear about it!

    Q: How do you decide on poll topics? -- spirit_of_myths
    A: Currently, Alyssa and I are the only ones with poll admin. I generally like to have productive polls, whereas Alyssa will usually prefer fun, wacky polls! [Editor's note: WHO DOESN'T?!]

    Q: How do I submit an idea for an activity? -- spirit_of_myths
    A: You can just neomail one of the activities committee members your idea.

    Q: Who made the guild? -- spirit_of_myths
    A: Dr. Sloth. Nah, the original founder was Attie (hungrykaddie). Unfortunately, she has left neopets permanently, but she'll never leave our hearts. :) She is such a creative, skilled person- she created the website herself, and came up with the whole newspaper! Attie really does amaze me, and it's a shame she won't be with us anymore.

    Q: Why do some people have stars infront of their name on the members list? -- spirit_of_myths
    A: That means they have a certain type of admin. Most of the people with this star have board and invite admin- meaning that they are on the member adoption committee. The design committee head has layout admin, and council has all admin. The only one who can give out admin is Alyssa.

    Q: Is there a limit of how many members can be in the guild? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: Wasn't this an old question that Christine asked me a while back? I've never pictured the guild being off-limits, but lately we have gotten extremely exclusive, due to the strict application acceptance standards. We also try to keep the member count fairly reasonable by deleting inactive members.

    Q: Will the guild ever be public? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: The day I die. :)

    Q: Will you take suggestions for the poll? -- cookiecrumbs226
    A: Sure! You can just neomail Alyssa.

    Q: How did the whole Lori = Sloth thing start? -- believed__
    A: Nooooo idea whatsoever. I think I might have been compared to Sloth (we being evil dictators and all), and soon I had minions and the whole enchilada (Mexican hobo!?). I rather liked the title, and now insist that I am Dr. Sloth. :D

    Proofread by: Alyssa 02/23/08


























    Lori Conundrum (Lori)


    The answer to last month's puzzle:

    (click and drag)


    And, this month's!

    (click and drag)


    Proofread by: Alyssa 02/23/08


























    Lori Conundrum (Lori)


    Answer to last month's spiffeh conundrum:
    (click and drag)


    Aaaaaand this month's conundrum:



    Proofread by: Alyssa 01/31/08


























    Soapbox (Lydia)


    Escape from the Rainbow Parade Part Three

    Moby knew that the army of plushies would attempt to copy his feat, and - sure enough - a minute and several clangs later,Destroy all plushies reverberated through the vent. Moby's soft feet had trouble gripping the floor, and on the right-angled corners, he often skidded and slipped.

    It wasn't too long before Moby spotted an exit and he made towards it. He could see a room on the other side, and leapt out into it, before realising that the vent was high up and that it was a long way down. He fell to the mauve carpet with a soft thump, and, slightly dazed, he slowly looked around him.

    Many pairs of eyes watched him. Rows of shelves lines walls where some plushies gazed at him, mouths open slightly, some sat or stood on the floor wearing puzzled expressions. A pretty black and white Eizzel plushie approached him. "What's your name - who are you?" she asked in a girlish voice. Moby blinked.

    Moby. I'm Moby. There-" he got cut off, as something landed on him. The mutated plushie pulled himself off Moby to the shocked reception of the other plushies. Moby rolled to the right, as the rest of the odd toys tumbled down. They stood with confident stances, waiting silently.

    Silently. Silently? Moby stared. The chant no longer rung out. They stood stock still, their wide grins fixed on their multicolour faces. Moby was bewildered. Why weren't they moving?

    You've got a lot to learn." Moby turned to face the Eizzel. She stood looking at him, a slight amusement on her face. "I'm Hannah," she said, as if she knew what Moby was thinking.

    What's going on?" he asked. "Those… things… they were chasing me, and ..." He stopped as Hannah laughed gently. He stopped, feeling as though there was something he didn't know.

    Moby, you're a brave plushie. These things are called Malevolent Sentient Plushies. They are created by hatred and wickedness, by the Grundo Thief. He creates them as minions…" she trailed off, looking sad. Moby listened his eyes still on the immobile toys.

    So… there are more?" he asked, beginning to understand. Hannah's expression of unhappiness deepened.

    There were. But, they do not last long. You can see these ones here." She approached the plushies, running a hand along a burgundy arm. "They are made entirely of loathing, of anger; they do not feel happiness, or love, Moby. But you have to understand, they are the outcome of malevolence, they do not choose their paths. We must have sympathy for them. Nothing can last if it only runs on malice. They burn up… poor things…" Moby watched her, and began to feel a twinge of sympathy for the creatures that had threatened his life. He felt thoroughly bemused. Hannah looked at him, and then her face lifted.

    Don't look like that Moby. You're here now. After all, this place isn't called Plushie Palace for nothing!" Moby turned around to the smile of one hundred plushies. He saw his family.

    The End.

    Proofread by: Alyssa 01/16/08



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