Definitions: (Merriam Webster dictionary)

BULLY:

(n) a blustering browbeating person; especially : one habitually cruel to others who are weaker

(v) to treat abusively

HARASSMENT:

(v) (1) : to annoy persistently (2) : to create an unpleasant or hostile situation for especially by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct

STALKING:

(v) to pursue obsessively and to the point of harassment

Definitions: (Neopets Editorial)

TNT uses the editorial, every Friday, to keep us updated on not just basic site question and answer, but the rules we're to follow as well. They went into detail on what harassment is on this site.

HARASSMENT:

- Someone disagrees with you and begins to berate you and insult your intelligence.

- Someone posts that a particular user is a scammer and that everyone should report him and send him nasty Neomails until he is frozen.

- You post a newbie question like "Where is the Paint Brush Shop?" and someone replies "OMG U R SUCH A MORON N00B!! Go home where stoopid people belong!

- Someone repeatedly Neomails you asking for items, even after you've asked them to stop.

- Someone threatens you or continually insults you.

- If someone insults you on a "screenie" page and they do not remove your username and/or any other distinguishable features in the screenshot when you ask them to

Tnt do not go into detail as to what bullying and stalking means on this site.

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Other views on harassment

Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwantedly, and disruptively breaks into the head of the victim

Harassment is humiliating or abusive behaviour that lowers a person's self-esteem or causes them torment

Stalking is when a person observes (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement

Harassment is defined as a course of conduct directed at a specific person that causes substantial emotional distress in such a person and serves no legitimate purpose

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Neopian views on harassment/stalking/bullying

I define harassment as any form of unwanted attention Within reason. Persistent behavior that continues after being warned/asked to stop. This unwanted behavior includes begging, constant neomails, making remarks to the user constantly on the boards (by this I mean posting something mean/rude to them every time you see them on a board or a board they create), and of course beloved pet names means to be condescending.

-sp4de

Harassment is very similar to bullying, but where bullying is a purposeful attack to make a person loose self confidence and self-value, harassment is constant attack that is done in such a manner that others who see just one instance of it will likely consider it rude, but nothing more. Tis continuing to dog a person, even after they ask for it to stop. It can be both hateful and intentional, or even unintentional if a person becomes too enthusiastic about making a friend.

- merlynshade

Harassment refers to a wide spectrum of offensive behavior.The term commonly refers to behavior intended to disturb or upset, and, when the term is used in a legal sense, it refers to behaviours which are found threatening or disturbing

- jchas64651

The truth is there are people in this world that feel if they don't like someone or if someone annoys them, they have a right to harass - and this isn't limited to neo. I'm not sure why people have such a narrow mindset, but I've seen it with first hand experience.

- tj_wagner

It's like in kindergarten, when you slap some kid and you end up getting in trouble, even if the other kid has been antagonizing you all day.

It's not fair, but hey, life isn't either. You just need to learn to ignore it, and report and move on. Hopefully TNT sees the offense and they get in trouble and you get a sort of silent satisfaction.

- Kai

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Examples - from tnt

________ is a scamming jerk! Spam him with dung! (You're looking for revenge or to defame this person, not to warn people.)

That's the lamest idea ever. Your gallery stinks. (This statement is in no way helpful, and is only meant to hurt the person.)

I can't believe _____ won custom spot this week. They always have terrible outfits. (Direct attack at someone meant to hurt them.)

You think blocking me will stop me? I'll spam you on every account I have! (The person has made it clear your negative attention is unwelcome, yet it continues.)

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Other Examples - by me

These are, of course, only my opinion. I can only state what I think is harassment, I cannot tell you in an official capacity what is or isn't. Tnt asks that we use our own best judgement in these situations. These are my own judgements on harassment that I hope will help others learn to deal with situations that they feel are out of their control. Again, I am NOT a member of tnt and I CANNOT tell you officially what you should or shouldn't do.

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1. You're on a message board and you get into a debate with a user (over anything) and when the thread is over the person you were debating follows you on every thread you make from that point on with the intent to make you uncomfortable, but only post simple things like smilies, bumps or the like.

The problem with this situation is that you cannot prove that users are harassing you when they are only posting simple things like smilies or bump. If you feel uncomfortable, the best course of action is to request that they refrain from posting on your thread as it makes you feel uncomfortable and if they do not refrain, then report and let tnt look into the issue and from that point on, just ignore them no matter what they do or say to you.

2. You are friends with someone who has had a run in with a user in the past. The person who they had the run in with contacts you to question you as to why you're friends with that person in an effort to get you to stop being friends with them. To me this is the very definition of what bullying is - a person attempting to ruin your 'name' on the site by starting with your friends or users who seem to find you likable.

The issue with this sort of bullying is that without the users who are being contacted by the bully contacting tnt with the neomails, nothing will ever happen. If you ever get a nm from a person trying to convince you that another person on the site is 'bad' or something similar, report the message to tnt right away. Even if the sender asks if you would delete the neomail...actually especially if they ask you that. They know they're breaking a rule when they ask you to remove the nm so tnt can't view it later as proof.

3. You get a nm from a friend telling you that a thread has been made about you claiming you stole coding/artwork from someone else when you know you didn't and you know that you created your own layouts/coding.

Best course of action on this sort of situation is to contact tnt right away. Offer them proof that you've created your own coding/layouts/graphics. Ensure you offer your proof or they may not take any action. Then, if you feel you must, go to the thread the person posted on and state ONE TIME that you didn't steal anything and that you've reported the thread creator for harassment/theft and let it go at that.

This may cut down on users nming you and accusing you of stealing. If it doesn't then simply block your nms for a few hours and forget about them.

However; if you did steal, tnt will find out so it's best to just remove what you've stolen and own up to it by apologizing to the person you stole from.

4. You see someone breaking a rule and post, on the off chance that they don't know, that what they are doing isn't allowed. They go get their guild to come harass you in response. This guild goes to all of your threads, contacts users about you via nm and do what they can to make you feel bad when you post.

The problem with this sort of harassment/bullying is that it's difficult to prove as well. You should, in this situation, refrain from speaking to them. Period. Do not respond to them and ask your friends to do the same. They need you to respond so that they can feel they're winning some sort of odd contest you're unaware of. Do no respond at all, even to defend yourself. Even if they lie about you left and right. If they start making false claims towards you, report them and leave it at that.

5. Ageism. There are two sides to this sort of bullying/harassment.

1. You have an 83 month account and you respond to a thread asking -What can I do to improve my guild? - You give them in put on what to do and then let them know that their having a contest in it isn't allowed. They respond by harassing you over your account age. Acting like you think you have the right to put them down because of their account age which isn't the case at all. It makes you feel uncomfortable and a bit of a target.

- Your best bet is to walk away totally as they are only intent on making you out to be a bad guy no matter what you do.

2. You're 83 months with every paint brush there is in your gallery, own expensive pets, make over 1 mil nps a day and you have no problem telling anyone that you're better than them.

- Be prepared to be reported. What that is is nothing more than being a schoolground bully.

You have a 2 week old account and ask for a donation so you can reach a goal. 30 users reply saying you're a loser, a beggar, a jerk and the ruination of the entire site for your asking...instead of just posting a simple 'Hey, just so ya know, asking for donations isn't allowed' and that's it. Thus making you feel horrible and afraid to even ask for help on the forums any longer.

- This sort of situation is, unfortunately, too common on the boards. I do not know if it's reportable as it's done so often and I never see anyone get into trouble for it. What I suggest you do is walk away from the thread entirely. Let those responding in such a negative way look the fools for continuing the thread after you left.

Also, it's hard to know when one is simply scamming when they make this sort of thread and that's why users respond as they do. If you just didn't know it wasn't allowed, leave the thread and let them do what they have to do. If you are scamming, well nothing I say will stop you so you do what you gotta do too!

6. Racism | Gender-ism | Relationship-ism | Offensive Slurs

None of this is tolerated by tnt and should be reported immediately. This is one of thos zero-tolerance things on the site that tnt respond to rather quickly. If ANYONE, no matter the age of the account, the relationship you have with them or don't have with them....if ANYONE makes any sort of inappropriate slur towards you, report immediately. I'm not talking about being called a dork or a loser; but obvious slurs posted to hurt you as much as possible.

7. Using your offsite information to harass you with. Many user on the net use the same account name for different sites. This sort of thing isn't encouraged as it is used as a way to stalk/harass others on this site. Say you have a site you post your daily happenings on, but it also is the name of your account on this site. You say something to someone that irritates them, so they look for information on you on the net. They find all your private postings and use it against you on the site here.

For example: Say you'r over-weight and state so elsewhere. Users on this site find it and come here to use it against you by calling you fatty, tubby etc. They go to threads you make and made rude comments towards you and send you 'healthy' neopian food to insult you with.

Report users who do this right away. They have taken a simple issue on a game site and went to the next level which is very unhealthy, not to mention a bit scary. Anytime a person goes out of their way to find out information about you outside of this site - it shows they are willing to do anything to hurt you here and you MUST report them and totally ignore them. Do not go to threads if they make them about you. Do not respond to nms sent to you by them and just report. Tnt should deal with them. It may not be right away, but they should get to it!

8. You make a thread on a forum where the same thread you made is made daily by a group of other users and the users of the already made thread flock to your thread and flip out on you for daring to make a thread similar to theirs.

It's very difficult to say what to do in this situation. On one hand no one owns thread creation on this site at all. No matter how often they make the threads. On the other hand, if a thread is created by the same person every day, it make no sense to create the same thread as the as the information is already up there.

I suggest keeping calm first and foremost and reporting those who get out of hand (call you names, etc). Do not antagonize the users as they're already primed to argue. Just ignore them all together. If users want to join in on your thread, they will. If not, the thread will die. I'd say give your thread about 3 bumps and if no one joins, consider it a dead thread and try another time!

Also, if those reading this are one of the users who do flock to this sort of thread to tell people off...keep in mind that we do not own the threads on the forums and while we may make a thread often, it doesn't mean others shouldn't get a turn as well.

9. You get into an argument with someone on a thread and they take screenies of you and do not remove your name from the screenies and make belittling comments about you on the caps.

I have a lot of experience in this matter on both sides of the spectrum. I used to be one of those users who used screen caps to prove points, even if it was borderline harassment when I did so as I never made an effort to completely hide who was making what comment. Tnt of course removed these caps.

Screencaps should be used without names in them or without identifying features unless you have permission from the person you are capping. While I feel that if you say it publically you shouldn't worry if you get capped, tnt feels differently and tnt decides how it goes here. So, just don't keep name or signatures in your caps, ever. It will save you and the person you're capping any harassment over the caps.

10. You have a shop with an item priced at 99k. A user nms you asking you to sell the item for 12k as that's all the have and they really, really need that item. You say no and the next thing you know your nm is filled to the brim with comments from users letting you know someone is calling you a scammer.

This is more common than one would think and is most definately harassment. Users tend to use this as a way to get revenge on you for your not doing what they want. Report them right away. Don't engage in an argument with them aside from a simple comment of 'They wanted me to lower my price in my shop, I wouldn't so they made this thread. I've reported them and ask that we all just ignore the thread from here on out' and leave it at that. No more posting on the issue.

11. Petnames as putdowns

It's happened to all of us. Someone, somewhere, somehow gets annoyed with us and start to call us honey, dear, sweetie, sugar, darling etc. to put us in our 'place' like we're children. This isn't really harassment per say, but it does get old. Good news is, when people use this sort of put down, just about everyone knows they're reaching to try to make you feel bad and tend to pity them. If you feel really uncomfortable, tell them to stop and if they don't, ignore them totally and watch them get really annoyed!

12. You mention on the boards that your 8 years old and have parental permission to post. Someone comes along and says that your parents are bad parents for letting you on the forums at such a young age.

Ignore them and report them. Don't even bother trying to talk to them as users have no right to comment on your parents parental skills. It doesn't pertain to the site in any way and your stating your age and being allowed to play is not asking for opinions in any way.

13. You annoy someone and they decide that they're going to make your life miserable by making pets named after you, making accounts named after you and pretending to be you.

Folks if this happens, report right away. Don't debate them. Don't post on the threads. Don't complain that they're harassing you. Just report. Let tnt deal with them.

14. You adopt a nifty pet from the pound and a user starts to nm you saying it's theirs. You let them know that pound pets are fair game and the pet is now yours. They, and their guild members, start nming you left and right calling you a theif and then make threads about you saying you stole their pet.

Immediately block your nms so they can no longer harass you via nm and report them for harassment. If they make a thread and you are aware of it, report it.

These are a few of the most common forms of harassment on the site that I can think of. I'll add more as I see more!

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What isn't harassment?

A user who disagrees with you is not bullying or harassing you in any way. The world is not made for everyone to agree, do don't expect it on this site.

If you make a thread asking for opinions, don't freak out if they aren't all to your expectations. When you ask for an opinion, you can't expect users to agree with your point of view. Threads that ask for opinions are rate threads, poll threads and what do you think threads. Remember, you asked for users to tell you what they think, you didn't ask for them to tell you you made the bestest pet page ever in the history of neopets. (same goes for layouts of any page on the site, as well as content that you've added)

If you get a nm asking you to lower the price of an item, one time, it's not harassment. There's no harm in asking, one time. When it becomes more than once is when you need to block the person and report. Same thing goes for those who nm you asking for your pet. One time is fine. Just say no and if they contact again, report and block them.

If a user tells you you're breaking a rule, when you are breaking a rule, it's not harassment. Tnt have stated that we're allowed to let users know they're breaking rules. We're not allowed; however, to state we can get users into trouble if they break rules.

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How to deal with harassment and bullying

The very most important thing to do is to stay calm. If you lose your cool, you're going to get into trouble and while that doesn't seem fair, it will happen. Tnt aren't going to coddle you because you've been harassed. They expect you to maintain your calm and report issues that are upsetting you, not for you to flip out and do something that will get you into trouble.

Keep in mind that users absolutely WILL bait you to get you to flip out. Ignore them. No matter what they say. Do not engage in a debate with them, even if they say you're a no-good bully yourself who started everything. Say nothing to them. They WILL eventually snap if you don't and you will have a valid reason to report them.

If you feel you must comment, try to say nothing more than - you're making me feel very uncomfortable. I request that you refrain from posting towards me any longer. They'll come back with - it's a public thread - and it is, but most decent people will stop once you ask them to. If they do not, you have grounds to report. Remember, this doesn't mean tnt will do anything, but if a pattern is shown, they'll catch on eventually.

If you create a thread offering help and those who you feel have been harassing you come to the thread to ask for your help, you have every right to ignore them. We aren't paid for our services and can help whom we choose. Don't let them get to you this way either.

If you find yourself in a cylce of trying to prove that users are harassing and bullying you, it's time to take a break from it. If those people are following you around, dropping bait for you to fight with them, having friends follow you around; it's time for you to learn to ignore them totally. While words hurt, we do have the power to ignore them when they aren't in our faces screaming at us. Users will come to realize, with out you having to say a thing, that there are groups following you around and more importantly, tnt will realize it also.

So, what have you learned here?

1. Ignoring the antagonizers is the best action to take

2. If you're unable to ignore, responding politely is acceptable

3. Asking a user who you feel is attacking you to please stop is allowed - you can't make them stop, but you can ask them to. If they are unable to stop, ignore them totally

4. If you stalker/bully follows you from thread to thread and just does something silly like smile to let you know they're there...remind yourself that there are just creepy people out there and ignore their efforts to freak you out

5. Report if they make you so uncomfortable that you feel you cannot post on the boards or enjoy the site

6. Block nm if they are harassing you via nm. Your friends will understand if they can't contact you for a few days (if you don't have nfs marked)

Responding is what they want. Don't give in to them. Don't allow bullys and people who harass you ruin your fun. Keep in mind that tnt are there for you. They may not agree that what you feel is harassment is actually harassment, but if it does go over the line, they will deal with it.

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