Not every client has the same needs, and here at (H)CBO we understand this. For this very reason, our team of hardworking mini-Ollies has devised several different forms which a client can request.

In this section, you will have the opportunity to look through all of the different critiquing services that (H)CBO has to offer. We sincerely hope that you find a critique that suits your individual needs, and if not, then we would like to avert your attention to the ability to submit a custom form.

To navigate through them, press the links to the right of this DIV. To return to this page, simply use the Description link. Forms can be found in the Rules section.

The Classic (XCl)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance The Classic is the most popular and widely known critique that (H)CBO has to offer. With this style of critique, Olly the Original became known for her critiquing ability. It involves a read-through of your application or page with Olly's commentary throughout, breaking everything down section-for-section. This is the highest quality critique that we offer due to much experience in creating it

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Layout Here goes Olly's impression of your layout, and commentary about it. If using a premade, she will more than likely complain (even more so if it is an overused premade). However, she often offers advice and tips if they are applicable.

Section 1 While Olly is reading through the first section of your page, she will be including her commentary in this section. This will range from comments to criticisms, and every now and then compliments. In essence, you will know what is going through a reader's head while they read your page.

Section N This will be much like Section 1, and thus the rest of the critique will continue until you run out of sections. If you have a story, it will either be skimmed through or read depending on the quality of your page (for several reasons, to be explained later).

Overall At the end of your critique, our team of Ollies will inform as to how they felt about what they just critiqued. This will include more suggestions for improvement and so forth.

Simplicity (XSi)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance Simplicity is one of our newest styles, based off of the new desire that some of our clients possess for simply receiving what the critic liked and did not like about their page. Our team of hardworking Ollies read through your page and simply list what they liked and did not like about your page.

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Likes As the section's name may suggest, this section consists of a list of what was liked in your page by Olly.

1. e.g, The innovative use of tables as navigational tools.
2. e.g., The combination of Georgia as a main font and Centry Gothic as the emphasis.

Dislikes This list (as suggested by the meaning of the H in (H)CBO) will often be longer than the list of Likes. Hopefully, the client will find this constructive.

1. e.g, The icky mustard yellow and dirt brown colored scheme.
2. e.g., How difficult it is to read the slightly darker icky mustard yellow on the slightly lighter icky mustard yellow.

Overall This section will be reserved for any commentary that Olly feels the need to make.

In Depth (XDe)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance Sometimes, clients find themselves unsatisfied with simply the commentary offered in The Classic. Those clients come and request In Depth, which provides sufficiently more information about your page. However, do not request the In Depth simply if you wish for a deep critique; The Classic can often provide this. Only request In Depth if you require a lot of information about your page - and intend to use it. For In Depth critiques, Olly requires the page to be submitted at least two weeks before the deadline.

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Layout Olly's impression of your layout will go here, often including details about the colors and everything else she can imagine to say.

Section As with the Classic, our team of Ollies will go through your page section by section and write as they read.

Character Olly will probably complain but possibly compliment your character design here.

Flow Why yes, the overall "flow" of the page matters; was it chunky, or was it a natural read? Inconsistencies in tone will be mentioned here.

Overall And, as always, Olly will have some final words to say. She will reserve this section for this very purpose.

Quick Skim (XQu)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance On occasion, a client comes to (H)CBO and merely wants a quick skim of their page - nothing in depth or anything, but just for somebody to read through their page (quickly) and tell them if there is anything that jumps out at them. Our team of Ollies gladly caters to this need and provides a Quick Skim service, created especially for those that are either confident enough with their pages to ask only about major errors (or anti-errors) or those that are too afraid of what they may hear in an actual critique and decide to take a softer option. We don't judge; we simply critique.

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Layout Olly likes critiquing layouts. This is an important section for this very reason.

Commentary Unlike the other critiques, everything that is not Layout or Overall goes into only one section. This will probably be a single paragraph or so.

Overall And, as always, Olly will have some final words to say. She will reserve this section for this very purpose.

Harshstorm (XHa)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance Every now and then, there comes a client that couldn't care less what good things they have on their page; all that they want to hear is what they can fix. These brave individuals come to (H)CBO and request the infamous Harshstorm - a critique that only cares about what is wrong with a page. This is not a kind critique, and there is no sugar coating; if our critical team of Ollies cannot find issues with a page, they are bound to complain about things that are merely not good enough. However, we challenge you, if you are truly confident, to request this style.

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Fix This

1. Stuff goes here. (e.g., Center DIV layouts are so boring)
2. And here. (e.g., You should consider changing to a color scheme that actually looks nice)

Ignore This This section is reserved for final commentary.

Revisit (XRe)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance If a client has already submitted a page or application and it has been critiqued but they wish for Olly to revisit the page, they may use this style of critique. Though hardly deep at all, this critique will help the client gauge how much better (or worse) their page has gotten in our critical eyes, and possibly provide new insight as to what is recommended to be done. If one is applying for a high end pet, it is highly recommended that they time everything correctly in order to use a Revisit critique.

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Stuff Alas, it is impossible to predict what sections will be required for a Revisit, so they are up to the discretion of your critic.

Overall Of course, Olly will have something to say at the end. She always does.

Account Check (OAc)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance Sometimes, clients do not have an application or a petpage to critique, but are instead worried about their accounts in general. For these clients, we offer an account check service, where we discuss what we feel they should work on in order to improve their accounts. These are often judged on different criteria, as there is no set way to describe what a "good" account is, but we aim to use the best criteria for the account being judged.

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Account Stats In this section, we will judge the amount of random things that you have, and will discuss improvements. This generally refers to avatars, trophies, and things of that nature, but is not limited to these criteria.

Side Account Stats This section is reserved for anything important pertaining to your side accounts.

Pet Stats This will discuss the state of your pets, focusing primarily on what you've done for them.

Random Stats This section will change depending on whatever randomness needs to be discussed in this account check which is not covered by the other sections.

General Overview Taking place of the Overall section in the other types of critiques, here a general opinion of your accounts will be discussed, along with any final commentary.

Layout Overlook (OLa)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance If a client has coded a layout but is not sure what others think of it, they may come to us and request this style of critique. It is rather simple and quick, and thus requires very little time on our part, making them have among the quickest return times. After one of these critiques, a new critique can be requested for the actual page almost immediately.

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Ramblings It is impossible to predict the sections required, so sections will be created as needed. The commentary will be quick, but hopefully useful to the client.

Character Glance (OCh)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance Sometimes, a client only wants to know what we feel about the character they have created, and for such clients we offer a Character Glance survey, where we simply look over the character in question and critique it. These critiques are purely subjective, but may help in perfecting the design for a pet. However, one should not request this type of critique unless they are confident that they will not be offended.

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Physical Design This section is for describing the physical design of the character. Be warned that we are not too fond of sparkleanimals.

Character Design This is for the personality (and everything not physical) design of the character in question. We do not support Mary Sues.

Backstory If the character in question has a backstory, it will be critiqued here. However, the story story of the pet will not be read for this type of critique.

Overall As in most sections, the overall opinion will be discussed in this section.

Custom (OCu)

Harshness Depth Quality

At A Glance If a client comes to us with a specific need not covered in the other styles of critique, they can request a Custom Critique, in which they specify what they require. Be aware that the ratings are random, as there is no way to gauge what the client's critique will require. Such critiques require two weeks before submission.

Form

Please submit the form to your right to the account 0llyness. Fill it out as completely and appropriately as possible. Remove anything in parenthesis. Please make the subject something along the lines of Critique Request.

Critique Style (just the three letter code will do)
Page Style (application, petpage, or something else)
Secret Word (from the rules)
Date Submitted (this will help ensure that I do not leave your page lying around for two months)
Deadline (if applicable)
Username (the one which you would prefer your critique sent)
Pet Name / Type (by type, the color, species, and conversion status are referred to)
Link (/~PETNAME is preferred over a full link)
Odd Rules or Requests (if applicable; some fosters limit the amount of art/writing which applicants may include or ask certain questions... if you do not include this, how else will I know?)
Additional Notes (anything extra which you may like to add about the page, or any additional requests)

XAC tabbie394
ACl /~Koditra
ADe /~Vodoo
AHa /~Mharygold
ACl /~Liquorice_wands
ACl /~Araellea

This is where older critiques go.

Applications (five slots)
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Character-Based Petpages (unlimited slots)
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Account Checks (unlimited slots)
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This works. Don't forget linkback.

Account Stats I don't like your userlookup coding. It irks me because it's too long (links to your pets, then a block of text, then your dream pet, then some art, then some more art, and finally a heading that is blue rather than the red in your art would suggest). I would add a float:right; or left; code to your art to shorten the scroll a little; it would look much nicer if the pieces of art were in line with the text and other stuff rather than below it. Also, change the headers to some shade of red. Otherwise, 230something avatars isn't bad; it's enough to get you into most avatar blocks. You have a decent amount of trophies (especially site, which implies that you are an old player) and enough site themes to show you participate in stuff. Your account stats are good (and 59 months is a respectable account age). I would, however, as previously stated, mess with the CSS a little.

Side Account Stats You should add a link to your main and a short intro on all of your side accounts. On tabbie395, make a note about it being an old main so that the visitor is not confused by the trophies and such. I see a lot or pets not labeled as permies; some customized and some not. I'll tackle that in the next section. Having 100+ avatars on your sides looks awesome.

Pet Stats I assume Rifton isn't on your accounts yet (awesome name, though). I like your petlookups, as they informed me a lot about the pets' designs. Not all of your permies have petpages, but that's fine since most of most peoples' don't either. What bothers me, though (and would bother a potential foster) would be all of the pets on your accounts without anything. Maybe add a note about how any pet without customization is not a permie and thus up for trade or something? Or get a cheap background and give it to every labbie? I think you should add a note into every non-permanent pet's description. On tabbietrade, make a comment on the userlookie that the pets are all pagehosts (you have pages hosted on your main/permies, though; if you have pagehosts, use them). Why isn't Taylorsville linked to as a permie? o3o I assume XxGuardianOfMagicxX is up for trade or something; make a note on the lookup.

General Overview You clearly take care of your pets and accounts, but, as mentioned above, the blank pets raise questions. Otherwise, you have lovely accounts (by PC standards) and should proceed without fear.

Layout I don't like it. Moving aside from the fact that you should always try to code your own layout, I simply dislike the three boxes to the right of the main text area... will they really be there the entire time? Furthermore, it seems random... you mention constellations, and yet I see none; you have a link to Neomail you, but it does not link to to you, and you have a disclaimer which could just be put into the introduction. Get a better premade if you must.

Start I don't have the slightest clue what the Umbreon is doing there... I surely hope it has something to do with the design. The You and I thing is annoying... not terrible, I guess, but still. Why do our eyes dart to the left? And I still don't see what the umbreon is doing here. :/

About I don't see why you bolded popular... Although I understand emphasizing some words, you did it to too many in this section. Furthermore, I do not see a unique design or anything of the sort, often a necessity for draik applications (despite the deflation). You simply have too many things bolded and too shallow of a design. Write more. Your likes and dislikes are also shallow; why does he not like being washed and such? Also, 54 centimeters isn't very tall at all; I can't say his is very fierce. You have a nice description, I do confess, but you add nothing to the Neopet already in existence. The use of the plushie paint brush adoptable does not helpt hat much; you should have your actual design in this section. At least put the customization if you plan to keep the design like the Neopian one.

Why Okay, the italics are getting on my last nerve. You don't have to emphasize something in every single sentence. You might think that it makes you seem more organized, but it actually doesn't; honestly it makes it seems that you're trying to decorate walls of text with formatting... ohwait... Anyway. Sob story first paragraph gets you nowhere; why not make a pet named Remember_ollysbiggestfan? It should remind you of your friend even more than just Remind. Spell out Neopets every time; it makes you seem lazy if you don't. Draiks have recently deflated quite a bit, so they lost a lot of their PC value. Draiks are also not birds, so I don't see why you're comparing them to a phoenix... wouldn't Pteri be better? Your italics is killing me. It ruins the flow of the appication. Also, in case you haven't been to Arizona, you see more stars there than in Maine, so that nulls your color hypothesis. You can, instead, say that you favor the color Eventide because of its imagery. Your final paragraph in this section implies that you are arrogant enough to believe that you are the only safe permanent home for him (and the best), which doesn't go to well with your lack of art and coding. Just change that to how you really feel that you'll care for him; trust me, other applicants will too. I just took a break to stalk a few and found a lot of ones that also seem to care. You don't have anything in this section that other applicants will not mention - okay, you have a sob story the name, you like the color, you like the fact that it's a Draik, and you think that you're better than the other applicants. That's it. So why not create Remember_ollysbiggestfan out of a pirate draik egg and paint it Eventide? Same thing, according to your Why Remind section. I would remove this entire section if I were you, or at least go into some story about how you decided the moment that you saw the eventide draik that it's the best thing since sliced bread and how you stalked the name through the entire purge and stuff. You know, the typical stuff that applicants feed their fosters.

Family Instead of dividing into paragraphs, you could use a list, including the Neo pet-images. Burn the smilies. For example, you could make the first part of each list be the account name, and then list the pets. Describe their actual designs, not just a random thing that they like. Okay, so you're onto some super special awesome character for Copyshop based on him being adorable and kind? That's so much depth right there /endsacasm The problem is, to get a draik (or any pet higher) you need to have good accounts. You pets must have original designs. Just mentioning a fact or two means nothing; you could have come up with that in less than thirty seconds (then again, most of my designs take that long to begin... but that's beside the point). Give your pets depth via backstory. For example, I could say that Sir Ridder Lord Veth is cranky, or I could tell you that he was once a hero that rid the world of the evil Squid and, after a series of misfortunate (but hilarious) events, became a cranky immortal old man that lives down the lane. Which one had more thought put into it? Mind you, I could have used a different pet that actually has character. :/ I don't believe that Pirate can be zapped, but I may be wrong. Anyway, back to my rant. Your pets lack character and design based on that section; give them some. Also, formalize your diction.

Future Let me rephrase this section - Plan 1: Remind needs customization to unlock his inner beauty but not all of my pets are customized and I"m one of the few applicants without a planned customization here so I actually don't have any clue as to what I plan to do. Plan 2: So I have this super special awesome plan for my petlookups (none of which are linked for you to see) and I plan to make a super special awesome one for Remind and you should believe me because I say so and ignore that I show you none. I could go on, but I think you get the point. You have a lot of things that you promise, but you lack any evidence of ever having done any of this. Include the art and stuff, since you've apparently drawn it already. Don't promise anything unless you can prove it, and to prove it you must include links to the petlookups. Remove feeding and playing with Remind; nobody cares about any of that. You need proof for your plans, else the foster will not believe them. In my applications, I always link to examples at the end of every plan. Your plans are the cookie cutter plans that every applicant promises, only without the evidence that prepared applicants will offer. Add evidence, or don't promise.

About You On You don't seem to be an avid avatar collector with under 200. Personally, I don't care about avatars on applicants, but having a low number and claiming that you're an avid collector sounds like a lie to me. You claimed in the plans that you love to roleplay but here you claim you just started... not great. Also, fosters tend to care a lot more for art than roleplay. Most applicants are online daily, so that section is pointless. Nobody cares how you make your NP, especially if you don't make much. Remove the smilies. You're going for avatar collector, really? Posting impossible goals like that (by impossible I mean that it's impossible for me, and, due to retired avatars, probably impossible for you as well) doesn't make you look much better. :/ Remove the goals section entirely; it doesn't help much. Remove the last part in italics as well; it makes you seem rude. It's not hard to become a UC owner with 300 avatars. Well, not 300, but at least 200. You didn't write about the right things in this section; you should be writing about what you do instead of trying to advertise yourself; do you like to design your pets? Do you like coding? Are you in a guild? Instead, you're discussing what and amazing owner you are according to you, which is, to be honest, up to the foster to decide. The more you advertise yourself, the more insecure you seem. In my applications, I discuss my galleries, admining Neopound, my sites, my pet hoarding, Kadventures, and my love for Squid. That's it. That's all I need about me, as my plans and pets have evidence of everything else.

About You Off Dull and cliche. Remove the smilies. Discuss non-gamer hobbies. idunno. These sections are normally terrible on their own.

Artwork/Haiku You know you're allowed to draw traditional, right? My friends Juice and Solo do all the time with great success. To resize images, add style="width:150px;" into the code, like (img src="URLHERE" style="width:150px;"). Trust me, it looks better than your links. Put your Haiku there too. Don't worry, the foster, like I, will notice that you only did that to take up more pages, so you're not losing anything. :)

Story Short stories are only good when highly detailed; almost any Lit major can tell you that. Also, this isn't what the Story should be about... it should be about a part of the pet's past design, not how they met the applicant that is trying to show off her awesomesauce ways because she's not confident. Also, quotations belong in their own paragraphs.

Random Facts These belong in your About Me, not in a section on their own. You have too many grammatical errors that I'm too lazy to correct (I'm a critic, not a grammar checker) for that phrase... and get rid of smilies.

POSAH Ew. Get rid of this. Only noob applicants bother with these.

Finale Lame. I kinda got the fact that you want Remind.

Credit This can be combined with Remind. I still don't get why there's an Umbreon.

Overall This is not a RW draik application. It lacks art and everything that makes applications pop, with nothing that jumps out me as spectacular. This smells like a first application. Although I can tell that you put a lot of effort into this application, it's not nearly enough to be chosen; read /~Skanzar for some tips, get a better premade, work on your own accounts, and so forth. Regardless, I wish you the best of luck.

Forward Note Hooray for the first HarshStorm! : D This is one of the critiques I've been most excited to try. We'll see how it goes!

Fix This

1. I'm not a fan of the layout. Not only is it a premade, but it's bland and unfitting for an application. Application layouts should somehow work with the design, and often include art of the pet in question. That Kills Me and Sugary premades have some lovely layouts that you can edit for this purpose.
2. Move the disclaimer to the end of the introduction.
3. I dislike "You" introductions, but it's a matter of taste. I would, however, recommend adding some sort of art around here to keep the reader interested.
4. TNT might not appreciate the concept of murder. Also, "had been" fits better than "was" in that sentence.
5. You switch tense a lot, like within the first two paragraphs of the section titled Two. It ruins your otherwise pleasant writing style.
6. I thought arson sentences were longer...
7. Character lacks depth. Write more about her.
8. Bad transition between character and about you... Maybe put a Plans section in between or something.
9. Spell out Neopets every time, instead of neo. It makes you seem lazy if you don't.
10. I dislike your About You a lot. For one thing, never mention applying for a lot of pets or you appear to be a serial applicant, which looks bad. Also, spell out board names. You don't need to list every board you ever frequent, though. For an ACer, though, you have far too few avatars... Remove the smilies (you were doing such a good job avoiding them until now...). I surely hope that Becky is a Royal, else your Royal Obsession phrases do not help you much. You mention the boards you poke, your frequent applying (which implies that you don't care as much for each individual applicaion), and your love for Royals, but you have failed to mention what you /do/ on Neopets. Do you play Habi? Do you code? Do you draw? Do you design pets? Do you collect socks? Are you a star of a NT Comic Series? Do you credit yourself with the Squidful Krawk Island Revamp? All such things matter a lot. Also, remove the comment about your username; nobody cares. As for you offline, don't apologize for the short section. Do you have plans for a major in college or a dream occupation? Mention those. Otherwise, the content is decent enough... though you could always read the About Me's of other people to get more of an idea of what to do.
11. Oh so Becky's a UC Grey Grundo...... so remind me again why you kept talking about Royals? Also, don't mention you need the Grey avatar; it doesn't help your case and it could be argued that you want here for the grey avatar. I just realized you never put the pet's name in the critique request... Had I noticed, I wouldn't have accepted. Anyway, the pet Becky is a krawk, so I don't see why you're applying for this UC Grey Grundo for their name. You could always make the pet Becky_ollysbiggestfan12 and nickname them Becky, so that section of your Why Her is useless. Spell out Unconverted every time. Formalize your diction in the Why Her. Don't relate her character to you; as mentioned before, you could make that pet and give it that character. The only decent part of this is the section about her being UC... and even that is weak. Normally, in my applications, I say something along the name (but only because I'm incredibly name-picky and thus only apply for well-named pets), coloring if UC (but only because I'll only apply for UCs with very dynamic poses), and so forth... but that is always my weakest section and thus I never focus on it. Basically, either rewrite or remove this section.
12. Oh goodness a Why Me.... Delete it immediately. There's nothing of value here; your application speaks for itself unless there is something absolutely marvelous that does not fit in the other sections that you cannot mention. Your third paragraph belongs in your About You, not your Why You... and it's doubtful that your foster will believe your GPA since everyone claims they have a 4.0. Fourth paragraph also belongs in your About You, since it's actually about You. Also, you can't guarentee that the foster won't be disappointed, so remove that sentence. Better yet, remove the entire section; if I were the foster, it would hurt you more than help you.
13. Have a screenshot of the petlookup up. Your customization ideas are fairly basic for one who claims customizing. Don't mention the BC if you don't have a BC history; it hurts you more than it helps you (speaking of which, I should enter my lovelies for next week...). Don't speak badly of yourself; just remove the art comment (instead, in your About You, say something along the lines of "I am not an artist, but I am working on changing this"). Don't pretend you'd get reinspired; people rarely do. Instead, say that you'll either return her, try to redesign her, or foster her out. You have so many UC Grey Grundo graphics... at least color some makeables. :/
14. Family section is dull. Maybe have them talk to Becky or something?
15. Ew. Your outro, mentioning how Becky is rare... remove that. Right now.
16. This isn't a UC application. Sorry, but it's really not. It needs more of everything, and needs to really jump out. Your best attrbute was your writing, but you lost that completely from your About You onwards_ I could see this going for a converted Grey Grundo, but you'll be outshined by competition unless you put a lot more into this app. Since you don't draw, get a lot of makeables or beg around for custom adoptables and include those. But do write more, and formalize your diction in the application portion.

Ignore This Not that bad of an application, but, as previously mentioned, it's not quite at the level that UC applications tend to me. A new layout and some sort f art to break the walls of text would help with this; furthermore, art is something you can easily work on to improve. I'm not an artist either and hate drawing, but am slowly improving due to effort.

Forward Note This is actually my first not Classic review. Old (H)CBO had only one style (being the Classic), so we'll see. Um, yeah. In Depth is actually the style I may eventually remove, but we will see how this goes.

Layout First thing that I see is the white. My deity I hate the white bar on the right of the page. It ruins everything, including the initial effect of the oddness of your design. Like, really. Add a background-color:#00000; code into there to make it less... distracting/ruining. Now, moving on (which is difficult, mind you; I wasn't kidding that it ruins your layout), I would like to mention that your design is surprisingly unique. Other than that, you layout is easy to read and visually appealing.... if I resize my browser to hide the white. I actually cannot read the burgundy text at all, sadly. I like the dark colors and scheme you have, but, again, the white ruins it completely. The top skull kind of blocks some reading.

Disclaimer I would rephrase the part about Incylo telling you to apply, since you never know what TNT will freeze for these days. Maybe just saying "may or may not have nudged her to do so with one of my many heads, but confess to nothing" would work better... I'm not sure.

Welcome I like the black text stuff. Very... attention grabbing. I'm curious as to what/who Cylo is. I confess to initially thinking that Cylo is Incylo. Congrats on completely avoiding the typical and overused introduction style. I enjoy the subtle rhyming, and the flow. However, this is interrupted in "The Devil's doing is now our final frontier." due to a disturbance in syllable pattern. Very dramatic. Change the period after unordinary into a semi-colon and the one after deep down in here into a comma. (and here I took a break for several days due to real life issues).

Task The first two sentences sound awkward to me, almost as if they are missing words. I would recommend adding several "thats" but it would ruin the structure... Reminds me a tad of boggarts from Harry Potter. Change the period after mistreated to a comma. You have a lot of fragments. I understand that you are taking advantage of your artistic license by using them, but having fragment after fragment after fragment makes the question of you even knowing sentence structure come up. Commas, hyphens, and semi-colons are your friend here. Add "of some form" in after "cursed to be a beast" for symmetry. Also, you don't say the III; instead you say the Third. Great introductory section, though, and it really helps put the character into context.

A Day in the Life This section made me laugh out loud. The commentary helps one understand the character so much better by allowing them into his head, which is wonderful. Capitalize Baby Gap. Remove the smilies. The last entry made me laugh so hard... be careful, though, as TNT might not like it.

Profile He reminds me of boggarts... A ref would be helpfull in this section, though, to help the reader see the complexiies of the physical design of the character, specifically the one in the background image of the application. You should add his greatest weakness into the profile, though, to add to the randomness. Your diction is quite informal, but it doesn't bother me as much a usual since it lets one get to knwo the character so much better. I adore Jayderyn's descripton.

Character Analysis Although I have read concepts like this one before, the design you have created is completely unique, not quite like any Neopet I've seen before. Kudos to you. I also like how, instead of being frightening, Cylo is hilarious... and possibly innappropriate for TNT's Save (and Ice) the Children campaign. It works in your favor, though, making your character stick out.

Appearance You didn't capitalize one of the I's. Emphasize the change between Cylo and Sophie's voice better... maybe even change the font? I don't know, but definitely do not do the transition mid-section. Suddenly this has become a plans section... I can see the transition, but it's a little startling. What will be the petpet's name?

Likes and Dislikes I'm confused. Is this Cylo again? Anyway, move this up to right after the profile to help with the confusion. Good ones; they add a lot to the design. However, I would recommend adding a reason why for some of these, just to make things make more sense (maybe Chilly weather because Moltara is nice and cozy?)

Future Lookup Stop poking pets; link to them. Formalize the last sentence. Make the background on the lookup black instead of white (as I've complained about before).

Paranormal Encounters Spell out Neopets every time, instead of neo. Link to the page. Only pick two or three of these to post, else it comes out as too many. The foster can visit the page if they would like to read more of them.

Intro and Why You Link to all of your accounts. Don't capitalize Dog. Spell out Neopets. Don't emphasize words like hobbies or outside of Neopets. Remove the screenshot of the BC; 170 votes may be good in skeith, but if the foster BCs harder species, it's not impressive at all. Again, don't poke their lookups, link to them. The foster will probably be too lazy to copy-paste all of that.

Art Examples Remove the smiley. Focus on art of Incylo; fosters rarely care for art sections with art not for the pet in question... unless it's art of the other pets that the applicants own. You do have pretty art, thouhgh.

Trade / Adoption History Remove the trade/adoption history section. It's pointless, and basically just empty text. After all, this is an application, so your trades are not important in the slightest. Application history I can understand, but no need for trade. And even application histories tend to do more harm than good. I also don't see why you have your Why You in here...Remove that section as well, as you have nothing in it that other applicants cannot claim (most believe that they are fitting homes and such).

Poem Remove the explanatory introduction. Pretty poem. Not much more to say

The Hoard Remove the smilies. Move this section higher up, perhaps right after the About You. Stop poking, start linking. Maybe give each pet a sentence to say to Cylo?

Credit Move this to the Farewell section.

Farewell Remove the links to send you a NM; that link doesn't work anyway. Just link to your main again, but using a normal link.

Flow Other than odd positioning of certain sections and a change in the narator, the application flows rather well. However, I feel that more backstory on Cylo would not harm you.

Account Analysis It would help if you had account links. :/ Your accounts look decent, and it's nice that your pets have lokups and such.

Overall Overall, this is a spectacular application... congradulations, you are my first recommended page! : D I feel terrible for how long this took, but my excuses include both real life being busy and my inability to complain too much about your application. One day, once one of my button makers completes the request, I will have a recommended button for you to use; until then, however, know that I wish you well. This is a very original application, and it will stick with the foster as much as it stuck with me. Best of luck, and let me know what the results shall be.

Odd Rules Requirement of either lyrics or a musical reference.

Layout I'm not a fan of the background, especially because it does not tile seamlessly. Maybe go to colourlovers to find a better one? Also, it would be nice if her (at least, I assume she is a she at the moment) design was present somewhere, rather than just the bg pattern and plushie kougra morphing potion links. Otherwise, the layout is clearly a modified premade, but it shows some effort on your part so I'm not complaining... but so much purpleeeee~

Introduction Dull. I really like the first part (in the bold/italics), but the rest is dull. For one thing, you have no reason to include TNT's avatar in this; just make a small note to TNT stating that you were not forced to create this application and you should be fine. Also, I don't really like the WELCOME TO MY APPLICATION part, but I guess it'll do. I would rephrase everything as starting with the bold/italics thing followed by a "Please note: English is not my first language and nobody forced me to make this application" and finally with the Welcome to your app thing. I really really really dislike the presence of the adoptable. Put your design there instead. And I don't like the introduction, so add something else.

Beginning Here's an introduction idea: Move this section into the introduction, just below the disclaimer. That would be wonderful, as this actually grabs the reader's attention. Otherwise, I don't see much purpose in this section, and the foster may assume (like I did) that it is merely filler. However, this section is incredibly weel written and I would highly recommend turning it into your introduction. I like the subtle use of lyrics.

Puppeteer Move this section after the profile section. It would be nice to know about her design before proceeding to read this. Anyway, I'll go read the design and then come back here. /back Don't include the Leave link. The entries are good, but I would add more and make each longer (like the December 22nd one). To be honest, I enjoyed them far more than your story.

Meet Doyla Hang on hang on hang on. The I was you in the introduction and now it is Doyla. That's a big no-no, as it adds to a lot of confusion. Pick one narrator and stick with it. Nice nicname section. Although it is well written, it seems short; make it longer. Your likes and dislikes seem to fit the personality flawlessly, but add nothing to it; include something seemingly random but that would give your character more depth (like hating the color purple). Move the Story into its own section. I skimmed it (as always) and it seems good.

About Me Your about you is hardly an about you; you link to your accounts and mention that you have a ton of pets, but then discuss character and why you are applying. Spell out words like neo and capitalize them (I mean, really, you made an entire application and cannot be bothered to spell out the name of the site?). This section is dull. Yeah, you work on on your pets, you claim you're awesome, etcetcetc. Nobody cares if Neo is becoming stricter. You should focus on what you do with your pets in this section, and get out of the "I" trap (having I at the beginning of practically every sentence). Link to petpages. Discuss your pets. SHOW what you DO instead of just talking about it. So you like giving characters, eh? I don't see any of your other characters mentioned in this app, or in your About Me. And I actually have no idea what and otaku is, which makes me assume that the foster will not either. You also mention your love for bringing in new characters multiple times. Get rid of most of them. Also, just so you know, you can be frozen for the userlookups on your sides, since they cover up the pets on your accounts as well as crucial account information (not to mention that they lie). Fosters (and other Neopians too) generally see this as you trying to hide something bad. Basically, I hate this section. Fix it. Stop trying to make it into a Why You / Why the Pet / Sob Story. Because it really does read like the typical teenage angst story... and it's not a great vibe to give.

Plans You failed to mention the most important plan, being Doyla's new home (account). No, I cannot see that your pets have lookups/pages because you never link to them (fosters rarely lurk accounts until they actually consider you). Include a roleplaying sample. Don't hate on the BC if you plan to try it; we all know that it is a spamming contest and mentioning it doesn't make you seem nice. :/ Stop saying AS YOU SEE BROWSING THROUGH MY ACCOUNTS or anything like that. For one thing, your accounts are impossible to browse through because of your idiotic side account coding, and, for another, fosters are generally lazy. She's not going to click through unless she decides to consider you, so she probably hasn't clicked through your accounts yet. The customization doesn't match well... Oh wait, you do mention the account. In Other. Nope, it should be first. Also, you have four pets on your main. You need more art in this thing (by thing, I mean app). OR OR OR an art section.

Good Bye Good outro.

Credits Waste of a section. Combine it with Good Bye. I agree, Lily is awesomesauce. I would reword this as follows: "I would like to thank the following people for looking through my application and all of the help that they have provided along the way: (Harch) Critiques by Olly, Lily (mstaylorlautner), Sam (shimmer_hartz), The Magic Book, and everybody else that took the time out of their lives to come to my aid. However, I would especially like to thank Naythen for putting Doyla up for adopting and giving me this wonderful opportunity to apply." That sounds better and less repetitive.

Overall Decent application. You had your good parts, but they were outshined by the bad parts (like your About Me). Your writing is good and makes for a decent read. However, your sections are not the best (having two intros and two outros looks bad). With improvement, however, I am sure that you have a decent chance to be chosen.

Sections You Could Add Since I told you to remove several sections, here are some that could be put in their place: story (well, making it its own section). Another section that you desperately need is a MEET THE PETS section where you discuss the characters of pets you already own. Possibly an art section, though this can be combined with the design.

Forward Note Congrats on being the first application critiqued by the newly revamped (H)CBO! -cracks knuckles- After months of hibernation, it's time to get back to critiquing!

Odd Rules The foster requests the application to be short, sweet, and memorable.

Layout That Kills Me is becoming the new Sugary, isn't it? Well, for one thing, you're applying for an unconverted pet. This means you'll have competition. Competition that probably knows how to code. You should code your own layout, or use something slightly more... applicationy. Well, for one thing, don't use the premade that everybody and their mother is using. What's memorable about that? Uhhhhh nothing. At all. Anyway, back to the point. Don't use those banner-graphic things at the top. Use art. Show design. Something like that. Those things look... odd.

Introduction HI THERE VISITOR I'M NAMEHERE AND THIS IS MY APP FOR PETNAME THE PETTYPE. Really? And when I ask really, I do mean... really? You're using the most generic introduction possible, the one that everybody uses. There is no life in this introduction, no character... nothing that makes me want to keep reading. For one thing, the foster knows who you are applying for. Duh. (I looked up the pet... is it even ufa?) They'll learn your name soon enough. Make it interesting. Use a part from the story. Build character. Something. Anything. Seriously. One line section? That's short, yes, but it lacks sweet, and, in being completely cliche and overused, lacks any form of memorable. Maybe write a poem? Insert a story excerpt? I don't know. Also, do you plan to call beiki99 that for the entire app? You should include a nickname from the start. Since you didn't, I will dub beiki99 T1ckl3death for the rest of the critique.

Character Okay.... character is greeted by three random pieces of art in no actual order of importance. That's.... messy. Put one of them to the top (specifically the jumping one) instead of the graphics. For the others, add a float:right; code or something to make them look nicer. ... Who calls their character a name with numbers? (But Olly, what about 444440? Well, he has numbers in there for a point). For example, in T1ckl3death's character section, I would put her name as Tickledeath instead of T1ckl3death unless the numbers have some sort of meaning. And it appears that they do not. Actually go indepth about the appearance. Is there anything interesting about it? Is she quad? anthro? both? neither? Include a ref. And wow. You use T1ckl3death's full name in the description...just don't. Go indepth about her personality. Short and sweet doesn't mean two sentences; it just means not 2369842369 paragraphs. Give her life. Give her multiple levels. Give her depth. You do know that birds with broken legs tend not to recover, right? Also, I don't see why the Other section is even there. It should be in the Description, where you have at least 10 sentences (nice ones) on her personality and ambitions. Cliche likes and dislikes. Make them more unique and creative. Basically, your design is cliche, shallow, and dull.

Story That's far too short to be a story. Don't center the text; it's annoying. Who is the I in this? You seem to have changed narrators. Take the story, move it to the intro, and put it in italics. Call it your intro. Don't bother with a story. That's probably the best I can suggest.

Future Plans Don't promise a customization spotlight win, ever. Like, ever. That's purely luck instead of skill. Actually draw the art you plan to draw. Seperate this section into an organized list. Don't promise BC unless you have trophies (I think I saw you own a buzz when I skimmed. Go BC that. Easy win.) Also, a fair instead of afair. But yeah, scrap the customization spotlight plans. Don't discuss what you won't do (who cares if you won't train?). Show proof that you own books for intelligence training. You can get app art now by asking people. You have a customization idea up there. Why do you need the last paragraph? Also, you have successfully missed the most important plan. WHERE WOULD SHE GO?

Why Me? Remove this. Just do. First off, never admit to applying for a pet because "you wanted a grey pet". You can say something about how you want T1ckl3death because she has an interesting pose, but that's all. Otherwise, remove this section. The only people that should have Why Me's are people that will use them to brag for what they have done; otherwise, the stuff you say in there is the exact same thing every other applicant will say.

Q&A Remove this. Move the account thing to plans. The other two questions are dumb. Also, since you're planning to adopt on your main, you should have a slot open there.

About Me I can tell this is your first application. Discuss other stuff you do. Link to petpages. If you have a Habi, talk about it. Talk about how long you've been on Neo and stuff. Your On Neo should be far longer. Make your Off Neo much much MUCH shorter. Stick to one paragraph. Kinda sad how you have more about you than about the pet... that tends to be a major no-no. You should have a bit about yourself offsite, a bit more about you onsite_ and more than those two combined about T1ckl3death.

Meet the Family Link to your pets, not to Neopets.com. Mention how you got them. Since you like to draw your pets, draw them and include it.

Conclusion Make it more memorable. Move the disclamer to the top.

Overall I can tell this was your first application, but the foster probably won't care. It is far too short for any UC application, and lacks anything that really stands out. You were asked to be memorable, so be memorable. I can't quite think of any way how, since nothing jumped out at me, but I would recommend writing more and getting a much better layout. Also, you may want to improve your accounts a bit more.