(since November 12, 2010)

Chapter 1

What the...all the faeries are turned to stone...what lousy hosts! I mean I was invited here for a party, and how are they supposed to host this shindig if they are all stone! Hmph. Guess I'll do the only logical thing: steal their stuff. It'll make up for the party favors they can't give me because of this whole "turned to stone" nonsense...
Hey, who is that talking? Hmm, I better hide behind something so they don't see me stealing all this stuff.
It is just as I feared...every faerie has been turned to stone. This is very bad. Very bad indeed.
Excuse me, King Altador? My name is Brynn. I have been sent here by King Hagan to investigate. If I could be of assistance, I'm here to offer my aid. But only if you get me some Boston Kreme Donuts first.
Hello, Brynn. Your service is welcome here.
Who could possibly be powerful enough to turn every faerie into stone? I mean, I guess it's possible that some rich Neopian bought a lot of stone paintbrushes and painted all the faeries, but let's just overlook that. Who could have done this?!
Perhaps I could be of assistance?

....Chill.
....Hanso? What are you doing here?!
Brynn, you know him?
No. And by no I mean yes. And by yes I mean he was in the Brightvale prison a few times for thievery. And by that I mean you shouldn't trust him. And by that I mean it doesn't matter what I say, he's clearly a main character of this plot, so just trust him anyways. And by that I mean I want my donuts now.
....
Hello, everyone. If I may, I may be able to shed some light on why this young whippersnapper was here. I was lurking around the shadows, minding my own business, when I saw this twerp stealing from the faeries.
Pshh. You know how I do!
Quiet, you! How do we know that YOU aren't responsible for what's happened here?!
Wow, are you being serious, man? Like, for real? You've already had your own plot. Don't accuse me of something in my own.
I hate to say it, but maybe we should listen to what he has to say. I mean, he's our only lead.
I guess we can hear him speak. Alright, Hanso. Now's your chance to explain. What are you doing here?
You see, wha ha happened was...
...Yes? Why have you stopped?
I think he's pausing for dramatic effect...
....I was walking through Faerieland, on the outskirts of Faerie City......TOBECONTINUED
...


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Chapter 2

So, I just happened to be in the neighborhood, and I thought to myself, "Hey, why don't I stop by the Faerie Festival?
You mean you stopped by to steal from the Faeries...
LEMMEFINISHMYSTORY! Anyways, I was at the Faerie Festival, when I saw someone. They were holding something shiny and laughing, saying he was going to "free Neopia from these winged tyrants.
Who was it, Hanso?
It was...it was...it was...IT WAS...
Ok, ENOUGH with the pausing for dramatic effect! WHO WAS IT!
HUBRID NOX!
Oh no!
Oh no!
Oh no!
OHHH YEAHHH!
Yeah, so you guys wanna stop interrupting me now? Mmk. Sounds good. Anyways, he started chanting, and there was a flash of light. When I could see again, he was gone, and all the faeries were turned to stone!
What do you think of his story, Altador?
Idk, my bff Jill? But really, I'm not sure. It seems unlikely that Nox could pull off a spell of this magnitude. Also, has anyone noticed his first name? Hubrid?! Like...what kind of name is that? It's like 'hybrid' but lamer and less energy efficient.
Hanso has no reason to lie to us. I mean, he did say that Nox had some sort of artifact with him.
Maybe we should go visit Xandra? She went to investigate in Faerie City.

-----Later, in Faerie City...-----

If Nox turned the FAERIES into stone, just imagine what he could do to the rest of the world! He could turn all the Subway restaurants into stone! We need to stop him!! Ah look, there's Xandra!
Blah blah blah...square roots...blah blah blah...books...blah blah blah...jerry springer...blah blah blah...smarticles. OH, hello King Altador! I didn't see you there!
Hello, Xandra. We have someone here with us who might have some information on the Faerie...situation. But we need your help.
Of course! Who has the information?
Uh...hi!
YOU?! YOU THIEF! STOP HIM!
What's going on?!
Uhh...I can explain..
I'm sure you could, Hanso.
Hey, I didn't lie about seeing Hubrid Nox before! I just...didn't tell the whole truth, either...
Then this ENTIRE chapter was pointless, Hanso. Tell us the truth. Now.
Ok, ok! It's true, I did break into Xandra's place and steal a few things. Actually, it's a pretty interesting story...
OHMYGAWSH don't even think about doing this again. Enough of this suspense. Spit it out.
You see, this is what happened...
....I dislike you sooooo much.


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Chapter 3

Ok. So. Long story short, I stole her stuff. Someone wanted to buy the artifacts from me. They told me to meet them in Faerieland, so that's where I went. It turned out that Nox wanted one of the artifacts. After I sold it to him, I followed him to see what he was up to. That's when he said his incantation and all the Faeries turned to stone. The end.
Hanso, how could you get tangled up in this! This is serious!
He's a THIEF! He was probably in cahoots with Nox the entire time.
I am too inclined to believe Hanso's story. For now we need to focus on finding Nox so we can stop whatever he is planning. You can trust me, I've had a plot already before. I know how this works. Xandra, do you remember what the artifact looks like?
No. My memory isn't too great. In fact, sometimes I'll randomly forget thi- Oh, hi there King Altador. How can I help you? WHAT IS THAT THIEF DOING HERE? I'm tired. Where am I?
Of course she loses her memory right as she's telling us about how she loses her memory. Xandra! Hello, are you alright?! Think, Xandra! Remember!
Wow, I feel much better. Shouting at me really helps to calm me down. Try a different approach next time. But actually, I do remember everything now. No, I do not know what artifact Nox has.
Drat. Xandra, are you sure you're ok?
Yeah, I'm fi- What happened in the last season of Lost?!
Great, she lost her memory again.
No, my memory is fine. I just didn't understand ANY of the last season of Lost! Can someone please explain it to me!
Ummm guys, if you had been paying attention, you would have realized that I have been holding up a drawing of the artifact that Nox has for the past five minutes.

Well…that drawing's…cute..

A little while later…

I'm glad I came along. This will be fun!
Hi, umm…who are you? And how did we even get to Nox's castle already?
I'm honestly not too sure who I am. Maybe I'm an old plot character, or maybe I was previously seen in this plot but the creator of this parody just didn't notice. Either way, I'm here. And as for how we arrived at the castle so quickly, a gap in the storyline prevents us from knowing how we got here. Just accept it.

Quiet, guys! We're here. Jazan, you and Xandra go after the artifact. The rest of us will go after Nox. We need to be on guard at all times. For your safety, please keep your arms and legs within the comic panels at all times, and do not exit the panels until it is safe to do so. Thank you!....Goshdurnit where is Hanso?
That kid is just so much trouble! Should one of us go after him?
I'll go find him.

Hanso, what are you doing?!
..climbing a wall. DUHRRR.
Oh, I guess that's ok.
If you can't get over the wall, I can always smash it down for you…
Um…I'm good. Thanks though.


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Chapter 4

Since I need to be quiet, I'll make my font small, like this!
How dare you trespass here! Didn't you see the 'Do Not Disturb' sign outside my window? Begone, before I blast you so hard you'll think it's 1927.
Chill, Noxy! I'm just checkin in on ya. How's that artifact workin for ya?
Smaller words, please.
How is the shiny object?
Well, the shiny object just alerted me you brought company. I'm just going to leave you in this room now, all by yourself, without locking you up or anything. I trust you not to steal anything. Oh, and here's the shiny object. Catch! I make good decisions.
Hanso, stop him!
You'll never catch me! Don't even think about chasing me. If you do I will not hesitate to write your parents a strongly worded letter about your actions. BwahahahahahaaaaJGALKSDLXCHHHHHHHHHHH-…sorry, hairball. DON'TFOLLOWME.
He's gone…maybe if I pull the exact same book as he did, something will happen!

Look Brynn, a secret passage!
Great plan, Hanso. I can't see a thing! Good thing our font colors are different so we can differentiate between each other.
OHHH YEAHHH!
GET OUT OF HERE. NOBODY LIKES YOU, KOOL-AID MAN.
Oh, I forgot that I always carry a candle and match with me! Let there be light!
You're welcome for the light. You look very nice without your helment on, btdubs.
And you look better when you're not talking. I mean, seriously, Hanso. This is no time to joke aroun-
Yo yo I'ma letchu finish but first…is that a PINBALL MACHINE?!


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Chapter 5

Great, Hanso. Just great. Nox escaped. How am I going to explain this to Altador?
Umm don't know, don't care. I got the high score on this pinball machine. I've accomplished my goal for the day.
Hanso, this is serious. You don't understand. I stood up for you multiple times, and you let me down…hey, is that the artifact? I can see Nox in it! But I'll just ignore that. Get ready to be beat in Pinball, brehh.

Meanwhile…

Once again, I have made a cunning escape! Those fools just don't understand that they can never catch m-OOOF!

Who…who are you? What? No…NO…NOOOOO!!!
OHHH YEAHHH! But I'm not really the Kool-Aid Man, I am your WORST NIGHTMARE.


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Chapter 6

He let Nox escape!
I TOLD you! We NEVER should have trusted him!
Remember, though, he did lead us to Nox.
And then he let Nox ESCAPE!
Look guys, think what you want. Just remember that it was ME who freed you guys from Nox's castle!
And you let him ESCAPE!
Brynn, you know me. Would I do something like that? Am I an evil mastermind?
I…I'm sorry, Hanso. I can't help you this time.
Let's lock him up! I love doing that. Can we do that? Let's do that.
You shouldn't take so much pleasure in someone else's misfortune, Jazan.
…Why are you even HERE?!
Yup.
....that doesn't even make any sense..
Awkward…say, who wants pizza?
Oh, I could go for some pizza. Cheese, please.
WHAT?! You're talking about getting cheese pizza?.... Get pepperoni, you idiot!
Guys…
Ummm what about sausage?!
GUYS!!!
WHAT DO YOU WANT, Hanso?! What could possibly be more important than this!
...That.

What is that?!?
It's a bird!
No you idiot, it's a plane!
Why are you always so angry…
I'm sayin!!
Actually, you both are wrong! It's Faerieland! It's falling out of the sky!
Aren't you blind..
No, he's right! It is Faerieland! With the Faeries turned to stone, their magic must be weakening!
Hey, guys? That's not all…

So…does this mean I can get untied now?


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Chapter 7

What are those things?!
They can't be Nox's minions, right? I mean, his minions are ghosts!
Once again…You. Are. Blind. And, you have no relevance of this storyline as of yet. Please refrain from attempting to contribute to what is happening. Thanks.
Stop it Jazan, he's right. Nox's minions are ghosts. I don't know who these creatures follow. But one thing's certain: Faerieland is sinking. These creatures are distracting us! We need to save Faerieland! Procrastination is never the answer! YOU HEAR THAT, KIDS READING THIS? PROCRASTINATION IS BAD. This message brought to you by PBS.
To Whomever It May Concern,
I am currently still tied up. It would be greatly appreciated if you would untie me now.
Best of wishes,
Me.
Ohmygawsh you are SO NEEDY.

There. Happy?
I love you.
Omg this is such a surprise…I had no idea…I mean there were absolutely NO signs at all!...I'm so confused…I love you too!...Now I hate you…GET OUT OF MY SIGHT…let's be friends?
Hey…where'd the shadow creatures go? Did our love protect us? Or maybe the mad rush of people to the Haunted Woods shops to get the new avatar scared them away?
Actually, I defeated them all.
What are you TALKING about?! You spent the entire time shouting at a tree.
Will you all stop bickering?! Faerieland is in danger. If Nox was trying to distract us, we need to think of something to distract him while we get to the bottom of this.
That might work. When the tonu charges the usul with all his force, it's the wise usul who steps aside…leaving a trip wire for the tonu, of course.
…….WHAT are you talking about?! There is no usul or tonu in this story. Stop pretending like you are a wise ogrin who has ancient sayings for everything. Go somewhere.
Man who live in glass house dresses in basement.
Ok that wasn't even relevant on a metaphorical level.
Here's what I propose: some of you guys wait here for the creatures (which aren't here anymore, but don't worry about that) and see if they lead you to whoever is behind this. I will go to Brightvale. They have one of the largest libraries in Neopia. There's bound to be something there that can help us.
If you're going to Brightvale, I might as well go study too. That way I can continue my research. And on the way I wanna try my hand at Wise Old King. Whatever piece of wisdom I give, he already knows! It's incredible. I'll never get that dang avatar.
While you guys are there, you might as well lock up Hanso in the dungeon.
ZOMG!11! WHY IS THERE NO PLOT UPDATE YET!!11!1! ONE UPDATE A WEEK IS NOT ENOUGH!1!!one!! GRARRRRRRRR!!!
Yeahhhhh lock him up too.

A little while later…

Brynn, we are locking him up. No ifs, ands, or buts.
I said I would lock him up, and I plan on doing so!
That..that hurts, Brynn. After all that we've been through?
I knew you two had a history! Spill it.
This is what happened…
Don't do it. Don't pause for dramatic suspense.
Yeah Brynn, that's my thing. Don't steal MY thing.
Fine. It's not much of a story anyways. Basically the first time I was on duty he tried to pick pocket me. Then we would constantly bump into each other. Many many many times. Like every day. So, naturally, I thought it was just a coincidence. Because it happened many times.
Wow, Hanso. You're a terrible thief. I mean, I have no right to say this considering you stole several artifacts from me, but still. It's in my script. You're a terrible thief.
Hey, I did what I had to do. I blame the economy. Besides, I never hurt anyone!
NEVER HURT ANYONE?! Hanso, you steal an artifact from me, sell it to Nox, and he then turns all the Faeries to stone. And now Faerieland is falling from the sky. This is your fault. You realize that, right?
Well, when you put it like THAT it seems so awful!
It IS awful, Hanso! Grargh! I'm off to my books. Brynn, when you lock him up, don't forget to throw away the key. Bye.
Hey, Brynn…now that Xandra's gone…I have a question for you.
Hang on Hanso, let me go first. I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean to be so harsh on you. I really am sorry, Hanso. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! I'M SORRY! I FEEL AWFUL! I'M SO SO SO SORRY! AND NOW I NEED TO LOCK YOU UP AND I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT IT! Now, what was your question?
Do you think Xandra's single?
..What?
What?
What?
Come on, we should get going. I have a date with a prison cell, and it'd be rude of me to be late.

A little while later…again…

Wow, what happened here? It looks like everything was painted by a Grey Paint Brush.
Someone probably wanted the avatar and went crazy. So…I guess you need to lock me up now..
I guess so…
You don't need to do this, you know. I can help you!
No Hanso, it's better this way. For the both of us. I need to go to the library now. I'll be back soon, I promise. Just…stay safe.
You too, Brynn. You too.

So…need me to knock down the prison wall for you?
No, that'd just make Brynn even more mad at me. Please leave. I'm fine.
Aww, do you want to talk about it?
NO THANK YOU.


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Chapter 8

Hanso, I think I found something!
Me too! I bet what I found is better. I found Waldo.
Well, I found a book!
…Books are gross. I refuse to read anything that doesn't have pictures in it.
This one does have pictures! Look, it has a picture of the artifact that Nox had!
Brynn, that's not the artifact. That is a pie recipe. For chocolate cream pie.
No no, under that!
Oh, my b, dawg. That does have a resemblance to the artifact. I mean it's a little larger, but still. Can this reverse the spell?
I don't know, the font they used was Wingdings. I don't even know why that's an actual font. Nobody can understand it.
So…you're telling me that our situation is basically the same. Faerieland is in just as much trouble as it was before.
At least I'm trying to save Faerieland, Hanso. You haven't done anything to help!
Umm hi. I'm locked in a cell. Think about that last statement of yours.
Whatever, Hanso. I should take this book to Xandra. Maybe she'll know what this picture is.
Hey, do you hear that noise? It sounds like an attack!
In Brightvale? I better go check it out.
Let me come with you!
Hanso…I GOT DISSSSSS.
…Pleaseeeeeeeee!
No! Here, you take this book. I'll be back.
…..Alright, Kool-Aid Man! She's gone, you can come on out now! Bust down the cell bars for me!
OHHH YEAHHH!

BOOOOOOOOM!!!

Hmm…there's something about these guards…nah, couldn't be…or could it?!
….I DON'T GET IT!!11!1!


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Chapter 9

What the…there's so many of them…who could I ever defeat all of these?! I'm so outnumbered! I mean, they're….they're…THEY'RE…COMPLAINERS!!
WHY IS THERE NO CHAPTER 9. TNT PROMISED US AN UPDATE!!11!1!!!!!! I'M SO MAD RIGHT NOW ARRRRGH!!!11!11!
Stop complaining!!
Stop complaining about my complaining!!
Stop complaining about my complaining about your complaining!
Ohmygawsh none of you guys are helping the situation. Now where's Brynn?! Oh no…

I'm over here, Hanso! I'm a little worried, apparently my sword is making a swish sound which isn't too intimidating!
I'm coming to help, Brynn!
No, Hanso! This isn't your fight. You can go. But I need to stay. I can't leave Brightvale like this.
Brynn, I'm staying to help!
NO! You've already messed things up enough. Now LEAVE!
No, Brynn! I'm not leaving, and that's final!
Well then I have no choice but to throw this sword at you for no reason!
OMG! Haven't you ever been told not to throw sharp objects at people blade-first?! You're supposed to throw them handle first to avoid injuries! Are you STUPID?!
I know you are, but what am I?!
OH MY GOODNESS. ALL YOU GUYS HAVE DONE THIS ENTIRE PLOT HAS BEEN ARGUING. NOW BOTH OF YOU GUYS SIT DOWN AND TALK THIS OUT SO WE CAN CONTINUE TO FIGHT WITHOUT ANYMORE BICKERING.
….No.
In that case, fellow monsters! Grab the girl and go! That way we don't need to listen to this arguing anymore!

NO! BRYNN!! Now I have no choice but to catapult myself unrealistically far and just happen to land right where you happen to be!

Wow! This is great! I feel like I'm flying like a faeri-…oh, right…
Hanso! Don't worry about me! Go bring the book to Altador!
STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU.
Here they go again!! I can't STAND this! Monsters, we're done. This is giving me a migraine. Let's go.
Quick, Brynn! Let's run into this cave before they change their minds!
Oh, hi guys! Fancy seeing you in this random cave in the middle of nowhere!
Xandra! What are you doing here?!
I was coming to see if you had discovered anything, and these creatures came out of nowhere! Hey, did you find a BOOK?!
Oh no! Look at those poor neopets! What happened to them?! They look like raisins!
Did you find a book?!
There must be something we can do to help!
DID YOU FIND A BOOK BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IT IF YOU DID.
Yes. But Hanso has it, and now we're separated…WHAOMGWHATWASTHATOMG something just touched my shoulder.

Shhhh! I'm playing ninja!!


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Chapter 10

Look! I just freed a bunch of random neopets and helped us get out of the cave. Hanso do good?
We wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for you!
Pshhh. You're just jealous of my arm flailing. That's what really helped us get out of these caves. I pretty much just spun in circles flailing my arms everywhere until I found useful items. You should try it sometime, it really works.
Ok guys, we should get going. There has been so much arguing going on this plot so let's just skip the next few panels and climb the hill. Why does it feel like we've been on this trek for months…
It's only been like, 4 hours since we discovered the Faeries were turned to stone, Brynn…
Whaaaaat really?!
Actually I have no idea. Time flies when you're having fun.
THIS ISN'T FUN I HATE EVERYTHING.
Hanso, how did you get in the cave, anyways?
I used my ninja skills. Duhr. And by that I mean I temporarily disabled the ghouls by sucking them into a vacuum cleaner and walked in the front entrance. The vacuum bag must have exploded, and that's what probably blocked the cave entrance after.
You should've taken that book to Altador, though.
Wow. There are so many things I want to say to you right now but I can't because I need to be G rated.
…but thanks for saving us.
Yes, thanks Hanso. I still hate you though. But do you have the book? I want the book. Book.
Yes, I have the book. But look, it's all these random symbols that don't mean anything.
It's upside down, Hanso…
Oh…
I don't even see any words. All I see is this map. Hmm…let's try to follow it. I'm not great at reading maps, but let's try.
No need! I have my GPS with me on my cellular device. Just give me the address and we're good to go!
Pfft, you kids and your technology. Alright, the address is written here. Go ahead and put it in.
Alright, it's all set! So, we keep going straight…
Now a left…
Now another left…
WHY IS IT REROUTING IT ALWAYS DOES THIS!
Go straight…but that's a tree…RECALCULATING?!
Would now be a good time to tell you that I know where this place is because I've been there before?
Why have you been there before?!
When I was in the Thieves Guild, it was one of our lairs. It's just ruins now. Also, it's right behind you.

So…who is gonna go in first?
Noses!
Ahhh I always lose! Drat. Alright, I guess I'll go in first. But I'm warning you, all I'm going to do is flail my arms around until something happens. If you have a problem with that, one of you girls go first.
I don't have a problem with it. Do you, Xandra?
Nope! Have fun, Hanso!
...alright. But if the meepits get me, I'm blaming you.


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Chapter 11

Shhh! We have to be quiet! Like ninjas! I love ninjas. Why isn't that a possible color I can paint myself…AHHH WHAT'S THAT!
YOU GUYS AGAIN?! Come ON! Just because I'm a monster doesn't mean I don't like my peace and quiet! Bah humbug. We'll go find a different secret hideout, no nonmonsters allowed!
Come on, Hanso! We need to go find the artifact!
I mean, I guess you guys can just go on without me…that's cool…
Ok, glad you're so down with that! Let's go, Hanso! Even though there are probably thousands of doors in this place, I have a pretty good feeling about this one.

Hi! Hola! How are you? Cómo estás? My name is Dora! Me llamo Dora!
WRONG DOOR HANSO WRONG DOOR! GO GO GO!!!

What do we have here?
Ok I don't mean to be rude but honestly that is the stupidest question to ask. Clearly it's the artifact. Go get it.
I don't know, it seems…too quiet…I'm not quite comfortable with this. I feel like something's gonna happen!
Hanso, you watch too much tv. Go get the artifact, or else I will!
No need, Xandra! I'll get the artifact for you! It's my specialty!
Indiana Jones?! Why are you here?!
My fellow fictional character, I am always hanging around spooky ruins. Now here's your artifact! Go save the world!
Wow, thanks Indiana Jones! Alright Xandra, let's get out of here!

A little while later…

Xandra, I feel like we forgot something…
Nonsense, Hanso. We have the artifact. We didn't forget anyth-OHMYGAWSH WE FORGOT BRYNN.

------------------

Hello? Guys? Anybody there? I'm gonna leave now…hellooooooo?!

------------------

Well. That's awkward. But it's ok. She has her GPS. I'm sure she'll find us. Let's get back to King Altador and the others. It's a longshot, but I think that this artifact might be able to reverse the spell set on the Faeries!
Alright, let's go! Oh. We're already there. King Altador! Jazan! Old Ogrin! We're back!
Oh, FINALLY! We've only been fighting off monsters for like, 3 chapters or something, I've lost count!
Yeah! I mean, except for the Ogrin. He didn't help that much.
Not true! I totally tripped one of the monsters and knocked him out!
Actually, you tripped over a tree stump, and then he tripped OVER you.
Guys? GUYS! Oh, finally! I finally made it! First I was left ALONE in the ruins, and then my stupid GPS routed me all the way to Kiko Lake, which is dreadfully boring and insignificant, by the way, and then I had to ask for directions all the way back here!
Ah, Brynn! I didn't even notice you were gone! What have you found?
Well, sir, the artifact that Xandra and Hanso fou-…wait. You didn't notice I was gone? What the…whatever. Anyways. The artifact that Xandra and Hanso found might be able to reverse the spell. However, there's something else…
Yes, what is it?
I…I…I don't remember.
Oh, well if you don't remember then it must not have been that important in the least.
Oh, I remember now. I have a feeling that this is worse than just Faerieland sinking and the Faeries being turned to stone. All of Neopia is in danger.
Even my beloved land of Altador?
Yes, even Altador.
Oh. Well that is a little important…
Just a tad..
OH HAI. WE WAITED THIS LONG AND THERES NO NEW STEP? WHEN IS THE PLOT GONNA END!11!!11!1! I'M NEVER SATISFIED!!11! I KEPT SAYING I WANTED A COOL PLOT BUT THEN ONCE THERE IS ONE I'M STILL NOT HAPPY!11!
….Would anybody object if I slapped him?


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Chapter 12

What is it, Brynn? What have you found out?
It's hard to explain…it just seems like…Neopia itself is decaying. Everything looks like it's dying.
The only thing that seems to be dying here is my attention span. Ha! But in all seriousness, yes I agree. Maybe the Faeries' magic was more significant to Neopia than we originally thought…
I can start the ritual, but I would like to move to a more open area so that I can see more clearly.
I don't know what you're talking about, I can see fine.
….I don't even know how to respond to that. Xandra, you really need some better glasses if a blind ogrin can see better than you can.
Nonsense! I can see perfectly fine!
Actually…ummm…Xandra…you're talking to a bush. I'm behind you.
Ha. Ironyyyyyyy.
Can we just go to a field now…please? Ok thanks. Also, Hanso, can I speak to you in private?
Sure yo, what's up homie g?
Haven't you ever wondered why Brynn never asks you your opinion on anything?
Because I make poor choices?
No. I mean, I can't stand you, but I have to admit that you have some alright ideas sometimes. Rarely. Maybe once. I mean, she might like you for some reason, but she still treats you as merely a thief.
Chillllll, Jerry Springer. Me and Brynn be straight bros, ye dig? Juss friends yo.
Whatever you say. Just remember what I said next time she tells you what to do instead of asking your opinion.
Alright guys, I think this is a good spot!
Omwhat you're at the top of a tree…
GRAWWWWWWRRRRR!
HOLY SWISS CHEESE! WHY CAN'T WE GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT RUNNING INTO MONSTERS!
Your highness, can you keep the monsters busy for a little while?
I mean, I guess I can play checkers with them for a little while or something to keep them occupied…I don't know how long I can hold them off, though.
And Hanso, instead of asking your opinion I'm going to tell you what to do. We are going to go protect Xandra while she performs the spell!
Aight, I'm down. Less do dis.
Brynn and Hanso, I need you to hold the artifact for me so I can use my hands to perform the spell!

Hold it higher, Hanso!
Yes, because distance from the ground actually matters?
Whatever you guys do, don't move.
See, Brynn? Lifting it higher would involve moving. Which Xandra just told us not to d- oh no I dropped it.
Great. Just great, Hanso. Now we need to start all over.
You hadn't started chanting yet…
WHATEVERHANSOJUSTPICKITUP.
Ok, ok! Brynn, let's work on strengthening this force field! I'll contain, you suppress, and we'll find two other random people!
Ok, let's start!!

20 seconds later…

How did we fail already?!
Error: timeout exceeded
If you can't tell, I'M GLARING AT YOU.
Error: timeout exceeded
Why is that happening so much! It's making this impossible!
Wow, that was weird. I totally froze for a second. Sorry. Wanna try deciphering spells?
I guess…here, let's take page 784538. Oh. Wait. That one's taken. Page 884928? Taken. Page 288547? Taken. Why are all of these taken. I guess we'll just wait…

The next day…

Ohmygawsh Xandra, how many spells do you need to cast?! Brynn, are any pages open to decipher?
Yeah…all of them are…it's like nobody cares about this anymore…
OHMYGAWSH CAN PEOPLE PLEASE JUST DO THEIR JOBS IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT TO REINFORCE THE SHIELD DO YOUR JOBS EVERYON- Error: Timeout exceeded.
……


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Chapter 13

BOOOOOOOOMMM!!!

What the…!!!!!

Everyone's been turned to stone…BRYNN! WAKE UP! THIS IS NO TIME TO SLEEP! EVERYONE'S TURNED TO STONE EVEN JAZAN! HE WAS MY FAVORITE!...Xandra, you ok? You look like you need a coffee.
I've had enough of you!! FEEL MY WRATH!!!
No…it…it can't be…

Ok, I gotta be honest…I kind of called that…
SHUT UP!
So I know that we're like enemies now that you're evil and all, but you kind of look epic. Just thought I'd share that.
I WILL DESTROY YOU!
That hurts, Xandra. That really hurts. At least I still have you, right Kool-Aid Man?
What? I'm getting out of here! Ohhhhhh noooooooooo….
…Well this may have just ruined my weekend.


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Chapter 14

It was YOU?! This whole time?! ….Honestly I'm not that surprised.
Yes, it was I! Jajajajajaja!
Don't you mean "hahaha"?
No, fool! That was a Spanish laugh! Dora taught me back in the ruins before we left! Bwajajaja!!!
But…why would you want to destroy Faerieland?!
Because, Brynn, it was a symbol. Symbols are powerful, especially when people see them. That is how symbols get their power. And this symbol needed to be destroyed.
Xandra. We are in a Neopets plot. Not V for Vendetta.
You don't understand. You see everything as good and evil. It's not that simple. It's never that simple. We are led to believe that the Faeries care about us Neopets. But do they? DO THEY?!
…yes.
Name one time that a Faerie has helped a Neopet.
Taelia saved Hannah.
…I bet you can't name another time.
The Space Faerie saved all of Neopia from Dr. Sloth…
OK FINE. Maybe I just want to rule Neopia, ok?! Sheesh. You don't need to keep proving me wrong.
Oh, I have one! Bottled faeries bless our pets with special abilities when set free…
SHUT UP. NOT IMPORTANT. You. Wraith. Bring them. Let's go somewhere epic looking.

Much better. Here is a suitable spot to tell my story. AHEM. HERE I GO.
Hold up. Hang on. Just a second. Pardon me. Pause. Hold that thought. Whoa. Wait. I just realized I was granted the "Cast Away" achievement. Finally. That took forev-YOU WANT NEOPIA TO BE RULED BY THOSE WRAITH CREATURES?!?
Those were just a side effect of my spells. Besides, those are the least of your worries. Anyways, listen to my story now. I like being the center of attention. So. When I was young, the Faeries noticed my amazing talent at magic. They took me under their wings, pardon the pun, and taught me. I kept trying to convince them to help us Neopets. But they didn't. They have so much power, and none of it was used to help us. Those winged tyrants are better off gone.
Winged tyrants?" You were Nox in disguise! But…how?!
Polyjuice potion. Duh.
What about the artifact?! What does that have to do with anything?
It magnifies my powers, silly girl. With this artifact, nobody in Neopia can stop me! Jajajajaja!
So why have you told us all of this? Why are we still alive?
Because, to put it simply, I need help rebuilding Neopia under my rule. I feel as though you two could be useful. Brynn, you're stubborn. Hanso, you're a good thief. Those are clearly the two most important things to rebuilding society. So…what do you say? Are you in? If you are, I can make us all matching shirts!!
Are you crazy?! Of course we won't join you! We're going to stop yo- MATCHING SHIRTS?! I want one!
No, Hanso! Xandra, we won't join you. We will stop you. The Faeries were good, and Neopia would be destroyed under your rule. You're evil, and you will be stopped! Right, Hanso?!
Shush Brynn! I can speak for myself! Besides, you didn't believe me about anything! You always doubted me!
Hanso…please…I…I…I l-
Think about it, Hanso. If you were to help me rebuild Neopia, you'd be a hero! You'd be more famous than…um…well I don't know any famous people these days. I'm of a different generation. But you get the idea!
Forget the being famous part, I just want the shirts! I'm in! Now let's awkwardly go in for a slow motion handshake with really dramatic music in the background. Say, can we use your magic to figure out how to get the wishing well avatar? That'd be sweet.


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Chapter 15

Trust me, Hanso. You won't regret this. Unless you do something stupid and like, try to trick me or something. But I am 100% positive that you would never do something like that. Cuz thieves are known for being honest and all.
Pshhh! Who could regret FREE SHIRTS?!
Hanso, please! I l-
You…what?
I l-
I'm sorry, I don't quite understand what you're getting at. You…lost your remote control and are too lazy to get up and manually change the channel?
Maybe she…um…likes dressing up?
Maybe she…listens to music?
Maybe she loves you?
Ha! Yeah right. As if. No way. Could she? Nah. She would never. But maybe…nope. That's probably the stupidest thing you've ever said.
No, Hanso! She's right! I l-
Quiet, Brynn! I'm trying to make a point here! Anyways…XANDRA LOOK BEHIND YOU! IT'S EDWARD CULLEN!
WHAT. I DISLIKE HIM SO MUCH. WHERE IS HE! LEMME ZAP HIM! LEMME ZAP HIM! Hey, where's my artifact?!

Yoink!
DARN IT HANSO! I'M BOUTA ZAP YOU. DON'T THINK I WON'T, CUZ I WILL. SO…YEAH. JERK.
Brynn, run! I'll use this artifact to absorb her attacks while I shout out insults! Hey, Xandra! You smell bad!
Pshh. Don't care.
Have you ever been mistaken for a Very Stinky Cheese and rolled down a hill in Meridell?
Ok, that one mildly upsets me. Sure I even look like cheese. Your insults will never make me angry.
…Your magic sucks.
WHY YOU LITTLE BR- Error: Timeout exceeded.


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Chapter 16

Hanso, what are you doing!?!
I'm OBVIOUSLY yelling insults, Brynn.
What good will that do?!
Hey, at least I'm being more productive than you were in the last chapter. What was that all about?! You disappeared!
I can honestly tell you that I have no clue where I was.
ENOUGH! Hanso, give me the artifact! You know what must be done!
I have come to the conclusion that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the remaining two sides of a right triangle. Also, you're crazy.
I'm rubber, you're glue! Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!
…Are you 5?!
NO. Oblivion, take care of Brynn! And Hanso, prepare to BE SEVERLY INJURED.

Pshhhh. Lame. Are you sure you're an expert magician?
Um..yes.
Maybe you should find your glasses before you try shooting anything with your fancy magic, Xandra! Your aim is worse than a toddler playing laser tag on a skateboard with a winter jacket while holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies in one hand and a deck of playing cards in the other in the middle of March.
ENOUGH!!!
Just because you yelled at me I'm going to stab your precious artifact with my knife. Yeah, I went there.

Hanso?! Hanso! You did it! Oblivion's gone, and the sun is coming out! Not a single thing could ruin this beautiful mome-

….except that. He got Han Solo'd. Any Star Wars fans out there? Ok. Just making sure. Han Solo'd. Like how Han Solo was turned into "stone." Yup. Just wanted to make sure you understood the reference. Ok. Well. I guess we'll see what happens in the next chapter, folks. I'll just wait here. Go play a game of neverending Monopoly or something. Go on, I dare ya. Ok. Bye.


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Chapter 17

Hanso…no…
Brynn! Hanso! Anyone?!
Sir, over there…
Ah! Brynn! Oh my…Xandra and Hanso are both stone…alright, what did Hanso mess up this time?!
Whaaaaaaaaaaat happened here?!
Who is that?!
It's me, Fyora! Queen of the Faeries! Can't you see my pink font?!
Ohh, I see it now!
Shut up. No you don't.
It was all Xandra…Hanso saved us all…but he turned to stone in the process…
Oh no!!
Oh no!!
OHHH YEAHHHHH!
Oh, Xandra…I always feared this day would come.
Me too.
Umm excuse me, this is kind of a personal moment.
Sorry, just wanted to feel involved…ohhhhh nooooo…
Wait a minute. Queen Fyora, you knew Xandra? It appears she was a very powerful sorceress. Possibly one of the most powerful witches of all.
Ahem!!
Oh, right. Sorry, Sophie. Forgot that you are a very powerful witch indeed.
Forgetting someone else?!
Oh. Right. Hermione. Hi there. I'm just going to stop talking now.
IWANNABEAPOWERFULWITCHTOO!!
Should someone tell the Ogrin that he's yelling at a stump nevermind he tripped over it.
So, it was this Hanso who saved me? Well, I may be weak, but let's see what I can do……ohmygosh I forgot all my spells. Oh jeese. Umm. Hmm…I need to rest my hand on something to think.

OHMYGOSH EVIL MONKEYS IN THE CLOSET oh hai errybody.
….How'd I do that…hmm. Oh well. Anyways, Hanso, thanks for everything. What you did was pretty cool. That's about all I'm gonna say now. Come see me when you're fully recovered. Bring cookies. I'm out now. Peace! *poof*
So, Hanso, I must know…how did you beat her?
Well, I had had the book for awhile, so naturally I flipped through it. I read that the artifact can only hold so much power before it goes boom.
So THAT'S why you shouted insults at her! So she would overload the artifact enough for you to destroy it!
What?! No! I'm just a super witty person and enjoy shouting snarky remarks at people! Hey guys. Watch this. I bet you don't think I'd pick up the artifact again. Well look. Guys. Watch. Guys. Watch. See?! Picked it up. Told you I'd pick it u-AHHHHHH!!!
HANSO!
Heh. Just joking sweetcheeks.
I'M SO ANGRY I'LL…I'LL…I'LL…

Giggity.
If you two are finished, there's something I'd like to ask, theif. Nabile always likes it when I return with a gift…may I bring the artifact to her as a present?
Forget Nabile, take me instead!! You're my favorite!!
What?!
What?!
…what?
OMG JAZAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AHHHHHHHHH!!!
Aaaaaaaaaand that's my cue to leave. Bye everyone!
*poof* Ahahahah! Silly me, I forgot my purse!! Ahahahahaha! Heheheh! Haha! Hardyharrrr!! Ahhhhh. Ok. Well bye again. *poof*
So, what do we do now, King Altador?
Hmmm. I vote we walk off happily into the sunset to provide an appropriate final comic panel. Yes?........Ogrin, you're heading away from the sunset. It's this way. Follow my voice.
I'm in! It sounds fun! Can we imagine epic music playing in the background? Cuz I already am. It's like I'm in a movie!

……THAT'S IT?!!11!1!1!1!


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Epilogue

Hi there. Kool-Aid Man, here! I will be narrating a lil bit for ya. You like the sound of that? Do ya? DO YA? Well if you said no, too bad. Here I go. Jerk. So. After Xandra was defeated, the Faeries focused on rebuilding Faerieland. I was named the hero, and was given many rewards for my bravery-
CHILL.
Fine, fine. Ohhh yeahh. Anyways, King Jazan returned to his wife, Nabile…

---------

Oh, Nabile. How I missed you so. I'm so happy to be back with you…after all, you are my second favorite ixi thief!
Oh, Jazan, I missed you t- Whoa whoa whoa. SECOND favorite?! Who is your first favorite?!
ME GRAWR.

---------

…the Ogrin started teaching pupils how to defend themselves against Wraiths…

---------

Hello, students. You are here to learn, and I am here to teach. I will teach you all that I know. I am an expert at fighting Wraiths. I have lots of experience. Now, we will begin with the basics.
Excuse me, Mr. Ogrin sir?
Please, call me Charles. I just made that name up. Are you here to learn how to fight Wraiths?
No, sir, I was actually with you the entire plot, sir, I know how to fight Wraiths, sir. I was actually just walking by and noticed, sir, that you are talking but there is nobody else in the room with you.
…..Really?
You are facing the corner of the room, talking to the wall, sir…
Wow. Um. I could've sworn that my class starts at 10:00.
Sir, the sign outside the door says that the first class is a week from today…
Ah. Well. This has been a complete misfire.

---------

King Altador went in search of the Darkest Faerie statue, which went missing when Faerieland crashed…

---------

I'M LOST AND MY GPS KEEPS RECALCULATING.

---------

The complainers kept complaining…

---------

WHERE'S THE PRIZES?!!?!1! THE PLOT'S BEEN CLOSED FOR 4 DAYS SO WHERE ARE MY PRIZES?!!?!111!?1
NEWS IS OUT AND STILL NO PRIZES!!11! I DON'T CARE ABOUT HABITARIUM!1!1!! I WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED!11!!1! WHY DOES TNT KEEP LYING TO US?!???11!1! Omg Jazan's guyliner!!

---------

Brynn was appointed the Captain of Queen Fyora's Guards. Hanso was given the title of Master Thief. As for where they are now, they can show you for themselves…

---------

Hi, Kanrik! I see you lurking in the shadows behind me. You're just jealous cuz I'm a Master Thief!
Hanso, stop it. Some day I'm going to have to arrest you for corrupting youths into becoming thiefs because they think it's glamorous.
….Jerk.
Come on, Hanso. Fyora gave us the task of finding dangerous Faerie artifacts and preventing them from falling into the hands of the wrong people. There have been reports of an artifact somewhere in the Lost Desert.
The Lost Desert? But it's so HOT there!! I'm not going! I won't! You can't make me! Nothing you say will make me go!
Jazan lives near there, maybe you would be able to stop by and see him…
OMGOMGOMG JAZAN?! HE'S MY FAVORITE! HE'S SO FASHIONABLE! LETS GO RIGHT NOW! HURRY BRYNN, I'MA BEAT YOU THERE!
Hanso, the Lost Desert is this way...you're going the wrong way!
Oh…JAZAN, I'M COMING!!
So….WHEN DOES THE NEXT PLOT START?!11!?11?!


(Sorry for screenieing this Snarkie, but I couldn't resist (: )


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