Ahoy there, mateys!

I be Stonekrawk3x and this be me Piraket.

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Never Get a Scurvy Crew For a Lupe
by Stoneman3x

     Ahoy there, mateys! Arrr, there may be a ol' salty sea-gelert or two out there that knows me name, but if ye don't, I be Stonekrawk3x. As ye may have guessed, I be a pirate by trade. And no buccaneer worth his dubloons would ever be caught without a pawkeet or a piraket on his shoulder, I'll be bound. But WHY do pirates' shoulders have these feathered friends on 'em, ye ask? Arrr, but that be a good question. I can't speak for the rest o' pirates, but I can tell ye about me own piraket. So just pull up a pickle barrel and set yerself down, and I'll be spinnin' a yarn on how that came to be.

     Not too long ago, I set sail in me ship, theSea Warf, bound for nowhere in particular and adventure in general. O' course, the ship not be mine by ownership. I mean she be me ship as I be the First Mate. The cap'n o' the Sea Warf be none other than the famous pirate lupe, Cap'n Wolf.

     Anyway, Cap'n Wolf had heard that there be a new land that nobody could seem to find called Jeely Wurld. Arrr, but it be just a wild rumor, but he figured if such a place existed, then it would be an adventure to be the first to find it. So we set sail with a crew o' the most vicious band o' cut-throat cybunnies me cap'n could get. We headed off in no set direction because, if the truth be told, we didn't have a clue where to look for a world that didn't exist and that nobody could find.

     We sailed for a long long long time, scannin' the horizon for any sign o' a place no one had ever seen. Arrr, but that was the longest twenty minutes o' me life. I could tell the cybunny crew was gettin' restless because their noses were twitchin' even more than usual. I was awash in a sea o' vibratin' nostrils. It was terrifyin'. But I knew that if I showed fear, I was a goner. So I grabbed up me spyglass and pretended not to notice. But I would have bet me gold hook that trouble was approachin'. Arrr, and that trouble did approach. The Second Mate, a cybunny by the name o' Fluffy Deadeye, hopped up to me.

     "The crew be gettin' restless," he growled in an alarmingly deep, baritone voice. "We've run out o' freshly tinned carrots.

     "Arrr! But we've only been at sea for twenty minutes!" I replied.

     "Aye, but fer some reason there be only ONE tin o' freshly tinned carrots to feed fifteen cybunnies. The rest o' the provisions seem to be meaty lupe treats and cherryberry krawkade," Fluffy Deadeye snarled back, barin' his two vicious buck teeth.

     "Arrr... well... I should be reportin' this to the cap'n then," I replied nervously and darted towards the captain's cabin without darin' to look back.

     I rapped on the door lightly, and waited for the familiar growl of "Come".

     "Come," a familiar growl growled.

     I entered cautiously. I liked to scope out the emotional terrain of me cap'n before reportin' anythin' to him. Lupes can be grumpy when interrupted while doin' important stuff like flossin' their fangs. The afternoon light shone brightly through the beveled glass window at the far end o' the cabin. So I could only see the outline o' Cap'n Wolf as he sat at his desk. It were impossible to see his mood, but I figured me news were important enough to take the risk o' his bein' annoyed by me intrusion.

     "The crew be revoltin', cap'n!" I announced to the dark form.

     "True," he replied crisply, "But they can't help it if they are cybunnies.

     I blinked for a moment, absorbin' his reply before I spoke again.

     "No, I mean they be on the brink o' mutiny, sir!

     Cap'n Wolf raised his head in surprise and then narrowed his eyes at me.

     "But we've only been at sea for twenty minutes!" he snapped.

     Arrr, but I guess he be in a grumpy mood afterall.

     "Aye, Cap'n! That's what I told 'em!" I said, noddin' me head in agreement.

     "Then head this ship for Krawk Island. We need to dump this crew and get ourselves a less whiny bunch!" the lupe shot back.

     "Aye aye, Cap'n!" I said, snappin' a quick salute.

     I returned to the deck and took over the helm. By the time we reached Krawk Island, the cybunny crew had not only polished off all o' the cherryberry krawkade, but they had gnawed halfway through the main mast as well. I confess I were not sorry to see that ungrateful mob gallop-hop down the gang plank and disappear into the Golden Dubloon restaurant. But now it fell to me, as First Mate, to round up another crew.

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     As it so happened, me eye fell on a rundown shack next to the Golden Dubloon. It were common knowledge that Krawps games were played there. It were also common knowledge that those Krawps games weren't entirely honest, but a crafty buccaneer could make a dubloon or two if he kept his eyes open. I fancied meself a crafty buccaneer, so I ambled over to the shack to try me claw at makin' a few extra dubloons. Afterall, a good crew would probably insist on bein' PAID. We be a mercenary bunch, we pirates be.

     I tapped on the rickety, half-rotted door with me hook. The panel o' the spy slit slid open and a pair o' beady eyes peered out at me.

     "What's th' secret word?" a deep voice gruffly demanded.

     "Noob," I replied.

     The door swung open and I stepped inside the dark, clammy room. The one-eyed pirate scorchio doorman slipped back into the shadows as I moved past him. The only light in the place came from a bowl-shaped lamp suspended over a velvet-covered table in the center o' the room. Behind the table stood the Krawps croupier. I recognized him at once. He was a well-groomed green krawk by the name o' Slick Redbow.

     "Ah, Stone Krawk! Nice to see you again! Come for a bit o' sport, have you?" he said with his usual sort o' oily pleasantness.

     "Aye, I thought to be whilin' away a minute or two. But I can't be stayin' too long. Cap'n Wolf has sent me to hire on a crew," I replied casually and jangled the bag o' dubloons tied to me belt.

     Slick Redbow's eyes widened brightly as he spied me bulgin' money bag.

     "So you have the payroll with you, do you?" he remarked with a sly smile.

     I grinned back. I knew better than to carry more than a dubloon or two into a shady establishment such as this. Me purse was mainly filled with worthless silver and gold chocolate coins. But I knew ol' Slick Redbow would let me bet more than I really had if he thought I be good for it. Deceivin' yer opponent be the normal pirate way o' doin' things, ye know.

     Arrr! But never before and never again did I have such a stroke o' good fortune at Krawps! It seemed that every long shot I bet on paid off. It were a grand afternoon at the gaming tables indeed. The pile o' one hundred neopoint chips at me elbow had grown to a stack o' more than fifty. I suspected that ol' Slick Redbow were none too pleased by me lucky streak, but I be so caught up in winnin' I ne'er give it much thought. Leastwise, I ne'er give it much thought until he piped up.

     "So, how would you like to make this game REALLY interesting, Stone Krawk?" he said with a devilish gleam in his eye.

     "What do ye have in mind?" I replied, pausin' from scoopin' some freshly won chips towards meself with me hook.

     "You need a crew, right? Well, here's my marker for one..." the green krawk said, scribblin' some words down on a slip o' paper. He tossed it into the center o' the rectangle on the table labeled "Bilge Line".

     I reached for the scrap and read it. It said,One authentic bona fide scurvy crew. Slick Redbow leaned forward and leveled a steady gaze at me.

     "I'll wager what it says there against all of your chips.

     "Arrr! But ye be daft!" I scoffed. "There be more than five thousand neopoints worth o' chips here-- more than enough to hire meself a crew on me own!

     "Aye, if you want a bunch o' landlubbers or... cybunnies," Slick said with a crooked smile. "I guarantee THIS scurvy crew shipped out with none other than Cap'n Dread himself!

     "Cap'n Dread himself?" I gasped. "And ye can guarantee this?

     "Oh, yes," the green krawk said, noddin'.One authentic bona fide scurvy crew. That's what the marker says.

     I hesitated. There be no buccaneer alive that didn't dream o' someday shippin' out with the most fearsome cutthroat ever to sail the Maraquan Ocean. Any pirate who ever sailed with the likes o' him was worth ten o' any other. And a whole crew... well, it would be a feather in any pirate captain's three-cornered hat. But to bet five thousand neopoints against one roll o' the dice... well...

     "Well?" Slick Redbow asked impatiently. "Or are you a lemon jelly chicken?

     "ARRR! No krawk calls me a lemon jelly chicken!" I howled, shovin' me stack o' chips into the center o' the table. Gimme those dice!

     Scoopin' the two red cubes up in me good claw, I rattled them loudly. Come on, lucky number seven, I whispered through the breath I was holdin'. Then I let the dice fly. A blur o' red skidded across the velvet top o' the table and came to rest.


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     "Seven!" I crowed, punchin' me fist into the air.

     Slick Redbow's eyes bulged in disbelief. He snatched up the red cubes and examined them closely.

     "Arrr! But they be no loaded dice!" I gloated. "They be yer own, I swear by me solid gold hook!

     "Hmmm..." the green krawk murmured, rollin' the dice around in his claw with a thoughtful look on his face. He dropped them back onto the table and straightened his red bow tie. Then with a gleam in his eye he said, "What do you say to double-or-nothing?

     "Arrr!" I chuckled, snatchin' the piece o' paper off o' the table. "I say ye be truly daft now! I have no need o' more than ONE crew fer the Sea Warf! So I'll be cashin' in this marker now, if ye don't mind.

     "Very well," Slick replied with a disappointed sigh. "You'll find your scurvy crew in the back room.

     "Ah..." I said, castin' a glance towards a weathered door at the far end o' the room.

     Perhaps I should've been more suspicious, but I be plumb giddy from me winnin' that I ne'er gave any thought to why a scurvy crew would be holdin' up in the back room. I had heard tales o' secret meetings and illegal doings in the back room o' the Krawps shack, so I didn't find his statement too peculiar. I just assumed that the same thing that had won me a crew had put that self-same crew in the service of Slick Redbow in the first place-- a simple turn o' the dice. A lucky turn o' the dice for me-- an UNLUCKY turn o' the dice for them.

     I stood up and ambled over to the door. I paused with me claw on the doorknob and listened. Silence. An almost eerie silence.

     "Arrr, but they be a strangely quiet bunch..." I said slowly, as the first hint o' doubt slithered up me back like a cobrall.

     "Asleep," Slick replied casually, not even botherin' to look up from his task o' stackin' and countin' the chips on the table.

     The door creaked loudly as I turned the knob and pushed it open. The small room be even darker and gloomier than the main room, if such a thing be possible. A lantern hung over a long, splintered oak table in the center of the room. several wooden benches and lowback chairs were clustered around it. Along the walls, mountains o' boxes, crates and barrels were stacked precariously on top o' one another. I squinted into the darkness. But no amount o' adjusting to the dim light could bring the sight o' any form o' a crew to me eyes.

     "Arrr! But there be no one here!" I shouted to the krawk in the outer room.

     "On the perch," a voice called back.

     "The perch?" I muttered aloud as I scanned the room again. "What the deviled delight is he talking about?

     Almost as soon as the words left me mouth, I spotted somethin' in the far corner o' the storeroom. A brightly colored form was sitting on a wooden pole shaped like a "T", with his head tucked under his wing.

     "A PIRAKET??!" I shouted in alarm. "What sort of scurvy trick be this??!

     Slick Redbow had appeared in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest.

     "His name isn't Scurvy Trick," he snickered. "His name is Scurvy Crew!

     Then ol' Slick broke out into a thunderous, echoin' laugh. If I had ears they would've burned bright red from rage. I couldn't believe I had been hoodwinked by such a devious trick. No wonder the secret word to the place was "noob".

     I slapped me claw to the hilt of the jagged Krawk blade hangin' from me belt. But before I could draw it out, the scorchio bouncer appeared behind the green krawk, with a bag o' rancid battle dung in his fist. Arrr, but that be a stinky way to die.. if pets could die, that is. I decided to back down before things got ugly, although it was hard to imagine anythin' uglier than a pirate scorchio.

     "Bah!" I snorted angrily. "I see ye don't even FIGHT fair, ye son o' a mutant puppyblew!

     "Go on, take your piraket and get out!" Slick Redbow hissed, his face darkenin' quickly into a scowl.

     Ashamed as I be to admit it, I gave in. It were me own fault and I knew that in the future, I'd be wiser for it. So I walked over to the perch and poked the sleepin' petpet with me hook. A squawkin' flurry o' red and blue feathers began to flap wildly at the rude awakenin'.

     "Arrr, matey!" I said, steppin' back in surprise. "Belay that! I be yer new owner!

     "Rawk! Rawk! To arms! To arms, ye scurvy crew!" the piraket screeched loudly in annoyance.

     I reached over and soothed his ruffled feathers with me good claw.

     "Arrr, but ye really did ship out with ol' Cap'n Dread, didn't ye?" I said, suddenly feelin' a strange mix o' jealousy and admiration towards the poor creature. "Arrr, but it looks like we've both hit a streak o' bad luck, eh? So let's make the best o' it.

     I held out me hooked arm to him invitingly. The piraket eyed it suspiciously for a moment with his head cocked to one side. Then he stepped lightly onto me arm. Using his curved beak like I would use me own hook, he latched onto me sleeve and pulled himself up onto me shoulder.

     "Arrr! That's the ticket!" I said, stroking his chest with me claw. "We best be gettin' back to the Sea Warf now. I expect I got a lot o' explainin' to do to Cap'n Wolf. He'll be as rabid as a werelupe at full Kreludor about me not bringin' him a crew, I'll be bound. But I got me a Scurvy Crew, and that be the next best thing!" I added, chuckling.

     So I left the Krawps shack with a new petpet. Arrr, and I be right about Cap'n Wolf not takin' the news too well. He bolted down the gangplank towards the Krawps shack before I could blink an eye. When he returned a short time later, he had a sack o' ten thousand neopoints and a slightly bruised set o' knuckles. And that be the tale o' how I came to have a piraket on me shoulder.

THE END




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