Talk Like A Pirate Day

Ask Cap'n Slappy Words and Music Copyright 2003-2006 by Tom Smith

Most days are like all of the others,
Go to work, come back home, watch TV,
But, brother, if I had me druthers,
I'd chuck it and head out to sea,

For I dream of the skull and the crossbones,
I dream of the great day to come,
When I dump the mundane for the Old Spanish Main
And trade my computer for rum! ARRR!

T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
When laptops are benches God gave us for wenches,
And a sail ain't a low price to pay!
When timbers are shivered and lillies are livered
And every last buckle is swashed,
We'll abandon our cars for a shipfull of ARRRs
And pound back the grog till we're sloshed. Yo ho ....

- Anyone see my keys?
- Just off the coast o' Florida, matey! ARRR!

Don't pick up yer phone and say "Hello,
Your ten-o-clock meeting's delayed",
Ye scrunch up yer face and ye bellow,
AVAST! Ye've been bleedin' BELAYED!

Ye can't keep this fun to yourself, I bet,
So sing "Aye", "ARRR", and "Ayy", every man!
We ain't got much grasp of the alphabet,
But a dam* good retirement plan! (raucous laughter)

T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
Whatever's in fashion is in for a thrashin
And bein' polite is passe!
When it's ev'ry man's duty to grab his proud beauty
And let out a hearty YO HO!
And if this offends you, hold your breath as we sends
you
Ta Davy Jones' Locker ya go!

- Where IS Davy Jones' Locker, anyway?
- Right near Monkee Island! Arr, aye, arr....

We'll tell every banker "Heave to and weigh anchor!
Buy latte with pieces of eight
We'll fight to be chosen as cap'n or bosun
The loser, o' course, is worst mate!

When we hoist Jolly Roger the landlubbers dodge 'er,
We fill 'em with loathing and fear,
We'll plunder and pillage each city and village,
Or at least clean out Wal-Mart of beer!

- Ahoy, mateys! And Welcome ta "Iron Chef Pirate!
Let's see the secret ingredient!

- Oh ho! There'll be some cutting-edge cuisine!

- "AWK! AWK!"
- Hold still, Polly! I need this for me salad!
- Avast there, me bucko! Ye need CARROT shavings! CARROT!
- But Captain, I be on Atkins!
- Moron...

- And you! WHAT are ye doin' with that salmon?
- I'm grillin' it on a hunk o' cedar, what d'y'think?
- Ye CAN'T do that in a JAPANESE STIR-FRY, ye bilge rat!
- Oh HO! Ye never heard o' "wokkin' the plank"?

There ain't no computin' or morning commutin',
No "Parking Lot Full" signs for me,
No lawns ta be mowin' or bills to be owin',
I'm knowin' the pull of the sea.

The fresh salty brace of the wind on my face
Through hurricane, sunshine or squalls,
I'm keepin' my eyes on the distant horizon,
Verizon can hold all my calls!

To wear a red coat full o' buckles,
To earn a few duelling scars,
Well, at least we can get a few chuckles
By filling the office with ARRRs!

And maybe we'll never get closer,
Than watchin' 'em on the big screen,
So here's to old Errol and Depp as Jack Sparrow,
And every dam* one in between!

T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
That time in September when sea dogs remember
That grown-ups still know how ta play!
When wenches are curvy and dogs are all scurvy
And a soft-wear patch covers your eye,
Ta hell with our jobs, for one day we're all swabs
And buccaneers all till we die!

So hoist up the mainsails and shut down your brain cells,
They only would get in the way,
Avast there, me hearty, we're havin' a party,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!

Yo Ho!




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