Crossword (Stormehh)

Think you know the answer? Send it to Cyn!

Quizzical (Victoria)

This month we shall have a cryptogram. In a cryptogram, each letter has been substituted for another. The letter substitutions are consistent. A letter cannot stand for itself. The two cryptograms have different solutions.

Cryptogram #1:
NCMXJIP XMI LGMI XQIPGLI JYXT TCTBXP

Cryptogram #2:
P OMZV ZO OPSA ZR P MPFTCF ZO OPSA, TQX XMPX'O RCX YMPX OMZVO PFA TQZEX SCF. XMA VZFPXAO YZEE TFPGA XMA OXCFJ.

*cackles* Have fun figuring those out. The longer one will be easier.

Proofread by SM 7/20/09

Neopian Advice (Misty)

Why is Bex a Queen, and why do we bow down? ~Blushing Bower
IS SLOTH GETTING READY HIS NINJA ARMY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?
First off, Sloth is a woman. Second off, it's not a ninja army. –watches everyone dive for bunkers-

DO I PWN?
No.

WHY AM I ASKING YOU THESE QUESTIONS?
Because I'm here to answer them. You've got questions and I have answers. Just think, any time you aren't sure about something, you need advice, or you just are curious about something, I am here to give you an answer.

Are cheez its good or no?
First off, it's spelled cheez-its, with the hyphen. Second, DUH. Have you never eaten one? Then again, if you hang around Lori often, maybe you haven't. If you have the chance to see the cheez-its/Lori phenomenon then do it. I once had the opportunity to witness this and let me tell you, it's just not something I can put into words. Lori gets a bit crazy, okay let's be honest, crazier, around cheez-its.

If Alyssa lives in Canada, why does she not like hockey?
She believes it is too violent of a sport, and I must agree. She also said something about there not being enough cute players.

What is the secret to the bonju avvie?
If I knew, don't you think I would have it? Hint: I do not. I believe the Bonju avvie is a ruse put on us by Viacom in order to inspire discussion and controversy. I am not sure the answer will ever be discovered or even if there is one. There are so many items in Neopia, and so many more are created each month, that it would take years to solve this puzzle.

Are draiks or krawks better?
Personally I prefer draiks, but that's just my opinion. I think they are cuter and more exotic. However, both make excellent pets.

Why is there focus on the NC Mall now instead of making the site better?
Because in the world many people are obsessed with money. That's how to get on top: get the most money. I find this ridiculous and shallow of Viacom. Yes, they need money to run the site. No, they do not need as much as they are reeling in. The NC Mall preys on mostly young, but some older youth. They apply to people's want of new items, shiny toys with which to play, and charge for the experience. It's human nature to want the exclusive, to want what can't be had. So while there are plenty of items we as Neopians can get, it's the ones that we have to pay for, the flashy, spendy ones that many try and get. It's a brilliant and terrible idea created by Viacom to make a bit of extra cash.

Proofread by Cyn 7/20/09

Dear Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
Why are swimsuits so evil?
Sincerely, Nathalie

Dear Nathalie,
It is not swimsuits that are evil. Swimsuits are very demure and kind. In fact, it is the dancewear equivalent of swimsuits (aka leotards) that are evil. They are bent upon taking over the world, along with -34.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
So, you're on a game show, and there are three doors in front of you. Behind two, are a lion, and behind the other one is a car, which you will win if you select the correct door. You choose the middle door. Then, the game show host opens the door and the left for you: there is a lion behind it. Do you stay with the door that you originally picked or switch to the other one?
Sincerely, Stormehh

Dear Stormehh,
Using logic, it would appear that the chance of me choosing a door with a lion has been reduced by 11%. There is now is now an even, 1:2 odd of me choosing the car. Never second guess yourself – I stick with my door.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
WHAT IS THE BEST OF THE FOUR YOOYUS?
Sincerely, SM

Dear SM,
I am partial to the red yooyu myself, because it looks more orange than the others, and orange is my favorite color, you know.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
DO YOU THINK IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ALTADOR CUP NEXT YEAR CONSIDERING THE BAD PRIZES THESE LAST TWO YEARS?
Sincerely, Shirley Mary

Dear Shirley Mary,
Is it a good idea to breathe? Investments take time. Invest in that drink cap. It not only looks quite dandy but it will inflate over time.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
WHAT ARE THE BEST BATTLEDOME ITEMS? WHAT IS THE COOLEST THING AT THE HIDDEN TOWER?
Sincerely, Spice Man

Dear Spice Man,
Some of the best Battledome items, such as the Sword of Skardsen and Ghostkerbomb, are available at the Hidden Tower. Those are the best items in the Hidden Tower as well, in my opinion.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
WHAT GAME AVATARS DO YOU FIND THE EASIEST?
Sincerely, Sm

Dear Sm,
I find Maths Nightmare the easiest game avatar of all time. Who wouldn't want to spend hours upon end doing mathematical equations and reaching the high score board?
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
WHY DOES RACH LIKE TO MAKE SM ANGRY?
Sincerely, Chris Hansen's Worst Enemy

Dear Chris Hansen's Worst Enemy,
SM is fun to anger. Sorry.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF FAERIE? WHICH IS BEST?
Sincerely, Roy Robinson

Dear Roy Robinson,
My favorite type of faerie is the Fountain Faerie. If she gives me a quest, I could be orange one day at a very, very low price. She is obviously the best faerie. So please give me a quest, Fountain Faerie.
Thanks.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
WHAT IS KADDING, AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO ME?
Sincerely, Mark Cuban

Dear Mark Cuban,
Kadding means to feed hungry Kadoaties at the Kadoatery. If you feed Kadoaties, or "Kads," you could win trophies and an avatar. Now, what it means to you is up to you entirely. If you are a gamer, you may enjoy that trophy. If you collect avatars, you may enjoy the avatar more than any other benefit.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Dear Mr. Muggles,
Why is rainbow dung so spiffy?
Sincerely, Zia

Dear Zia,
Dung has been a staple in our society since the beginning of time. It has played important roles in the development of our world and culture as a whole. It makes an excellent fertilizer. Now, you take that symbol of growth and progression and paint it colorfully, and you have the single-most amazing item anyone has ever seen.
Sincerely, Mr. Muggles

Proofread by Cyn 7/19/09

Soapbox (Stormehh)

Monstrous mutated mummies, ghoulish ghostly groans?
Oh Albert, oh Albert, what have you got yourself into?"
The Kacheek's nagging mother drones and drones.
The answer is long, but will be explained through and through.

One cold foggy night, as the weather always is,
Albert, feeling curious, saw an empty graveyard beckoning.
And just as you would expect, with that naivety of his,
He padded through the entrance, heart pumping; mind racing.

A bitterly cold shiver runs down his spine as he enters,
His teeth chatter, his limbs tremble, his voice shakes,
This place is strange," he says to her.
But wait! Her? He runs, not putting on the brakes.

Puffing and panting, he collapses to the ground.
Silent, so scared, he scans the mass of gravestones everywhere.
Albert can hear nothing, and it's such a horrible sound.
Poor guy, at this point he's like a frightened hare.

But then his eyes widen, as he shuffles along the dirt,
For what's that in front of him? A gummy snack?
He shovels it into his mouth, like a delicious dessert,
Not noticing what's lurking behind his back.

The walking tombstone eyes him, bored beyond its wits,
Such a puny little Neopet, he'll be fun to tease,
So it bellows a "Boo!" as loud as his voice permits,
And that scares unsuspecting Albert with ease…

The Kacheek turns, screams and runs, incredibly scared.
But the tombstone's not finished yet, so he starts to chase.
However, the devious creature is in fact not prepared,
As Albert, in his panic, hits it with a gravestone, oh what a disgrace!

Turning behind him, and seeing stony cheeks turned red,
Albert runs off again, the exit miraculously in sight,
He manages to escape this place of the dead; or dread.
And gets back to a new challenge: his mother's incite.

Albert, you're in so much trouble!" she bellows very loudly.
Gosh, Albert, her son is so awfully bizarre.
Aww, don't be angry mother." He replies strangely proudly.
I just found this brand new avatar."

Proofread by Cyn 7/25/09

About the Staff

Writers

Lola harrypotter7812
Writes for: Neopian Advice (Listen to Lola)
Bio: Lolo's view- Hi, my name is Lolo, the -er-, brother of Lola. Yeah, that works. Anyways, I'm here to tell you about my imaginary sister, err, real one, Lola. Anywho, Lola is 17 in senior year. Whippee. Cheer cheer. She loves to write and express and and....well that's from her 3rd grade report card. Lola is amazingly purple and yellow. She bows down to Dr. Sloth and has always been, and always will be, a supporter of the evil...I mean great...Dark Arts. Think of her as a purple girl version of Snape...only a little nicer. To nonimaginary nonfamily members. Lola has lent countless people mootix, although I am nowhere on her list. By the way, she paid me to write this. Lola loves Girl Scout Tagalongs Ice Cream...so get her some. Anywho, I have to go back in my dungeon- I mean room. So Au Revoir! Lola's view- Where was I? Hmm, it looks like biographies just write themselves these days!



Stormehh firestorm205
Writes For: Crossword
Bio: Hi. I'm Stormehh, I'm your leader. I make the monthly crossword and I do my best to try and write an article or more a month. That's about it, for me.

Kiyo kiyoho
Writes For: So They Say
Bio: Yes, I would kiss a llama for a picture of Britney Spears. If you throw something out of your window and something said "OW!" that'll probably be me. So think before you throw.

Natalie natanataliee
Writes For: Soapbox
Bio: Hello. My name is Natalie, but I go by many things, including Nat, Nata, Natty, Nat-Nat, Nattle Snake (courtesy of Jay), Nata-Nata, Nata-Nat, Nat-Nata, Natters, Natlie, and -deepbreath- THESUPREMERULEROFTHEUNIVERSEANDPOTATOES. My official title. I am on neo to have fun. My accounts are Natanataliee, Msysaor and Sunny___starr. I like to play games (especially Snowmuncher, which I am very good at) and roleplay. I have brown hair and hazely-green eyes. My age shouldn't concern you, but I am still in the US school system. Where I live shouldn't concern you either.

Trenn megaeragonlover
Writes For: Guildy Dirt
Bio: Trenn, is just your average fifteen-year-old, tennis-playing, French and English-speaking, chesse-hating, fish-keeping, chocolate-hoarding, football-loving, not-so-average, eraser-loving, N.A'ing, centaur. :) Jealous?

Beth oliver_loverx
Writes For: Around Neopia
Bio: Hey-lo. I'm the annoying one. Hehehehehe. Llamas I do worship, and I own a lava lamp made of cheese. Enjoi my writings. c(=

Losteh lickingbranches
Writes For: Around Neopia
Bio: tba

Jenna silver_incandescence
Writes For: Around Neopia
Bio: As you can see, my name is Jenna. I usually go on Neopets every other day for a couple hours to relieve some stress I've accrued from the daily pressure of being a CAL student—Go Bears! Neopets is an outlet for all of my anger, frustration, and stress. When I'm online_ I can play the various games to blow off some stream and clear my head. Besides the games room, I can also be found chatting on the NA board, doing little jobs for the FEA, and restocking my tiny shop. I've yet to establish a neopet-related goal for myself, but I have been collecting various petpets and avatars. My dream petpet is a Pink Quadrapus.

Editors

Cyn ohxlover
Writes for: Soapbox, Dear Mr. Muggles
Bio: Cyn is a demure but hilariously fun 17-year-old girl currently living in Virginia with her mother and her two cats. She has been writing stories since she learned to string together sentences like paperchain people. She enjoys using literary devices in her spare time, and also enjoys odoriferous rainbow dung. When not on Neopets, Cyn can be found pwning her boyfriend in video games. Cyn states that her favorite place to be is on top of Alyssa's head.

SM 1schmidt
Writes for: n/a
Bio: I'm SM, bow in my presence. I'm pretty great, even though I am subordinate to Cyn.

About Our Articles

Below is a list of all the categories our Staff write in. For specific details about each category, continue reading the article.

Newspaper Features:

1. Around Neopia
2. Guides
3. Gamer's Corner
4. Neopian Advice
5. Rants & Raves
6. Shopping Bazaar
7. The Buzz
8. So They Say
9. Dear Mr Muggles
10. The Soapbox
11. The Gallery
12. Fontastical
13. Quizzical
14. Crossword
15. Conundrum
16. Council Editorial
17. Guildly Dirt

Feature Details:

Around Neopia

• Articles focusing on particular Neopian Places such as Terror Mountain, The Kadoatery, The Battledome, etc. Articles are written as explanatory and creative articles describing what there is to do in such place. Articles need to be creative and descriptive, giving an image in the readers mind of what the place looks like, smells like, feels like, etc.

Guides (now located at NAguides

• Games: Articles focusing on particular Neopian games, guiding the reader on how to play, strategies, and cheats. Include information about game related avatars, if relative.
• Neopoint Making: Articles focusing on making Neopoints, guiding the reader on how to make Neopoints with specific strategies. Include a detailed breakdown and illustration of following the guide. e.g. Starting with XXX NP, I went to XXX place, and made XXX NP, etc.
• Neoboards: Articles focusing on the Neoboards, do's and don'ts, information on particular Neoboards, etc.
• Features: Articles focusing on certain Neopets features, such as Neodecks, Neohomes, etc. Give detailed information on such features such as what to do, how to do it, etc.
• Collecting: Articles focusing on collecting Stamps, Coins, Shells, Book Reading, Gourmet Food Eating, etc. If possible, give information on lists, prices, related trophies, and other helpful information.

Gamer's Corner

• A monthly extensive review of a particular Neopian game giving detailed instructions on how to play, achieve high scores, win trophies/avatars, cheats, evaluation of NP making possibility, etc.

Neopian Advice

• Answer 5 to 10 reader submitted questions relating to Neopets ONLY. Non-Neopets related advice is NOT allowed.

Rants & Raves

• Articles exploring recent Neopian News. e.g. Plots. Detailing anything great or horrible that TNT releases. An evaluation of the last month's New Features with comical or interesting commentary.

Shopping Bazaar

• Articles evaluating Neopian shops to restock in detailing item prices, rare items to snag, possibility of profits, availability of good restockable items. Articles also guiding readers for keeping shop, starting malls, making customers happy, getting repeat customers, decorating your shop, etc.

The Buzz

• A monthly article briefing important Neopian releases over the last month including items, species, pet colors, plots, games, or places. Strictly a summarizing article, no commentary or opinion.

So They Say

• Monthly extensive interviews of individual Neo.Anxious guild members. Interviews should be serious, including questions about the individuals Neopian hobbies, routines, collections, pets, etc. Limit personal real life information to basic questions such as age, name, school studies, or hobbies.

Dear Mr. Muggles

• Odd questions searching for answers from an even stranger know-it-all Grundo. (Comical)

The Soapbox

• Poetry and stories written by staff members as well as reader submitted material. Poetry and stories must be Neopets related, Non-Neopets related material will NOT be published.

The Gallery

• Artwork and comics drawn by staff members as well as reader submitted material. All artwork must be Neopets related, Non-Neopets related material will NOT be published.

Fontastical

• A monthly collection of 10-15 premade fonts created by the staff or submitted by readers available for readers to use on the neoboards.

Quizzical

• A monthly quiz in the form of trivia or a quiz that places the reader in a category.

Crossword

• All newspapers have a crossword in each issue, so why not us? A monthly crossword as well as the answer key to last month's crossword.

Conundrum

• A monthly Neopets related math riddle to stump our readers. Each month, a new Conundrum will be posted as well as the answer to last month's.

Council Editorial

• A monthly editorial by a council member answering reader submitted questions about guild activities, rules, ranks, future events, etc. All questions must be guild related, Non-guild related materical will NOT be published.

Guildly Dirt

• A monthly critique on different aspects of the guild, such as activities, members, etc. (comical)

Current Staff Openings

You may apply for staff by displaying a brief example of your writing (pertaining to your category) as well as a short bio with a chosen Neopets avatar (which will be displayed on the Staff page if you are accepted) and reasons why you want the position you are applying for on a petpage. HTML and graphics are not necessary, you may include them if you wish, but you do not NEED them. *Artwork examples are necessary for Artist positions. Neomail Cyn with the url of your petpage application. The following are the staff position descriptions and openings:

Writer Position Explanation:
Writers will be expected to complete one article per month in their respective feature. They will have a 2 week deadline for writing their article(s). Writers are limited to writing in the maximum of 3 features. Writers may have an IM program or other form of open communication to keep in touch with fellow writers and editors. All articles written by a writer must saved as a draft until reviewed and approved by an editor. All articles will remain as drafts until month's issue goes live. Writers may step down from their position by notifying an editor with a two week notice before leaving so that an editor may make up for the empty position or fill the position with a new writer.

Editor Position Explanation:
Editors will NOT write for the Newspaper. Editors will proofread and edit all articles and approve them for publishing, and must have excellent spelling and grammar. Editors will add their name and the date to the bottom of an article in Italics, to show that they have proofread an article (e.g. Proofread by: EditorName 03/11/07). Editors will be responsible for officially releasing articles.

Positions Available:
Around Neopia: 3 positions available.

• Needed: 3 Writers

Gamer's Corner: 1 position available.

• Needed: 1 Writer (1 filled by Victoria)

Neopian Advice: 0 positions available.

• Needed: 0 Writers (2 filled by Lola and Melcome)

Rants and Raves: 3 positions available.

• Needed: 3 Writers

Shopping Bazaar: 3 positions available.

• Needed: 3 Writers

The Buzz: 1 positions available.

• Needed: 1 Writer

So They Say: 1 position available.

• Needed: 1 Writer (1 filled by Kiyo)

The Soapbox: 3 positions available.

• Needed: 3 Writers (2 filled by Cyn and Natalie)

The Gallery: 4 positions available.

• Needed: 4 Artists

Fontastical: 3 positions available.

• Needed: 3 Writers

Quizzical: 2 position available.

• Needed: 1 Writer (1 filled by Victoria)

Crossword: 0 positions available.

• Needed: 1 Writer (Filled by Stormehh)

Dear Mr. Muggles: 0 positions available

• Needed: 1 Writer (Filled by Cyn)

Guildly Dirt: 1 position available

• Needed: 1 Writer (1 filled by Trenn)

Editors: 0 positions available

• Needed: 0 Editors (2 filled by Cyn & SM)