::How Kwe Came to Be::

*Kwelani slithers onto a couch, looking very out of place in the bright, cozy neohome* Kwe: All pets started somewhere, so I shall tell you of my origins, which regrettably are not as hellish or mysterious as I wish. I was born in...Fairyland *gag*. For a nocturnal feline that enjoys mildewy, enclosed spaces, Fairyland was an absolute nightmare. I would spend my days in the shadows of Jhudora's lair, and my nights perusing the bookstore. My one amusement was watching crowds of daft Neopians flock to the Wheel of Excitement. It was only a matter of time before one was *dreamy, malicious grin* zapped, or smitten by some strange disease. However, even this entertainment soon grew old, and I knew I had to escape that pink...fluffy prison. Yes, it was abysmal. So, one misty morning I-- painterly_child: Oh my god! Are you telling the part about how I found you? :3 Kwe:....*squirms* No, I was-- painterly_child: *Ignores Kwelani's protests and turns to you excitedly* It was hilarious. I was taking a jog, and suddenly I hear this screeching noise. I look up, and what do I see but this little aisha falling fast and screaming like a gothic ninny. Kwe: ...Shuddup. painterly_child: Apparently, her wings are display only. You should have seen her moaning and crying on the ground. It was really pathetic. Anyway, she was fine. Nothing dies in Neopia (it's a family site!) She wasn't permanently injured. Ooh ooh...Kwe, show them the thing! .... Oh my GAWD! I left the oven on!! *rushes off* Kwe:... *there is an uncomfortable silence. Nevertheless, your curiosity wins and you ask her what "the thing" is. She glares into the kitchen where painterly_child is shaking her head at a pile of ash in a pan*...Yes. That. Since you insist...*she grabs her left paw and twists her arm around a bit. Her elbow dislocates, and she bends it completely backwards. You cringe, and she smiles at your disgust.* You asked.

::Family and Friends::

Other Neopians. My family consists of myself and one nitwitted owner and another creature that is a disgrace to all aishas. Ahem. Anyway, here they are, along with pets whose presences I enjoy. Scrimm. Scrimm is a hyper little aisha with a terrible tendency to lick before he looks. He ate the chemistry kit I got for Christmas. Need I say more? AhiAnela. I admire Ahi- she lost all her family and is the last Alejau aisha in existence...strong kid. She is my friend, however, my attempts to blacken her soul have failed and she remains to be corrupted. Dai. Dai is a very interesting aisha...he used to be my stalker o.O Now we are cool though. He likes to say such random British-sounding interjections as, "Syrci! and "...Jolly day!" It is rather amusing. Asagoa. Asagoa belongs to painterly_child's sister, so naturally we have become very well aquainted. I enjoy dipping her toothbrush in the toilet. Yuki. At a first glance, people might dismiss Yuki as just another tough jock. He's rather deviously mischevious though. We both enjoy tormenting our siblings and bagging on art theives *hides an "I 'heart' Yuki" button*. Firefly. When Firefly and I get together, we don't talk much because we understand each other very well. We both love reading and skulking maniacally and such, but I must admit her distaste for fishpops is shocking.

::Kwelani's Devious Deeds::

Practical jokes...or mini havoc. There are many of us who cannot cause rolling blackouts, mass hysteria, panic, etc. simply because we lack the resources. For example, I do not have access to evil laboratories, berserk mind controlling robots, or flame throwers (Lin took mine away). So since my desire for destruction is so curbed, I must resort to other methods to satisfy my internal conquest for the spread of evil. In other words, I like practical jokes. Yes, they may seem small, but they can have very delightful effects. Therefore, join me to annoy, baffle, drive insane, and cause soiled pants. If you are caught, then you are not worthy of pulling these diabolical little stunts. Use at your own risk! >:3 Good luck. Computer Tricks. Messing around with the computer really gets on people's nerves. Really. Make sure that you dont have any potential projectiles around your computer area when you pull these. Here's one: take a screenshot of your desktop, then hide all the icons. Set the screenshot as your background and watch the confusion. How amusing. Open word, then go to "tools" and then "autocorrect". Pick a common word like "and" and make it change into "doom monkeys eat your face"...or something to that effect. Little annoyances. To get on people's nerves, it is necessary to put little things out of place. Tweak the tv so it's slightly too yellow, turn all the bookcovers upside down, skew pictures out of place- be creative. More Pranks. These will take some preparation on your part, but trust me, it is well worth it. BWA HAHAHAHA-HA! Haha. *cough* Sew all the sweatshirt sleeves closed. Turn up the car radio to the highest volume setting (this is particularly effective with an obnoxious mariachi station, or the disney channel) and just wait to see their face the next time they turn on the radio. Put a bullion cube in the showerhead. Courtesy of lovechild132: melt some wax and put it in the showerhead. Make it thick or the water will come through! (haha hahaaa...I tried this one...and it...so funny! *gasps, dies*) This one takes a little prep work: Carefully cut out circles of wax paper. Then, separate some oreos and put the wax paper in between. This is a good one to pull on friends who try to eat your lunch.

::The Petpet::

Fizzgig. As you Jim Henson fans may know, Fizzgig is named after a character from The Dark Crystal. The Fizzgig in the movie is an adorable fuzzy blob with huge, fanged jaws. Actually, my Fizz isn't so different (except that he's a spyder). Fizzgig looks very sweet and cuddly, but I pity the hand that tries to pet him. He was a gift from my friend Yuki. Yuki has good taste. Fizz serves more purposes than just guard-dog. He's started an acting career. He debuted as an extra in Arachnaphobia. His most recent accomplishment was his appearance in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. The director loved him so much that he's been asked to make a return in the fourth movie. Aren't you jealous? Yes, Fizz does present a danger to young children and the occasional chia, however he's quite harmless if you stay out of his jumping range. He's particularly good at hiding under sheets and lying in wait. What Fizz Likes. Kwe. Peanut butter. Gift baskets. Macabre goth comic strips. Brie. What Fizz Detests Grammar errors. Chombies. Raid. Pink fluffy bunnies. Existentialists. Trespassers.

::Miscellaneous Wastes of Your Time::

Kwe's Quotes.Here's a lovely collection of quotes from...everywhere! Some are wise, some are funny, and some of them are just so darn stupid that I had to put them on here. Ah...the hilarity! Please, enjoy them. I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully" -George W. Bush (a.k.a. "Dubya") Good luck is headed your way." -from a fortune cookie. Soon after, painterly_child failed a math test, stubbed her toe, and choked on the cookie. There are three kinds of people, those who can count, and those who can't." -No friggin idea who said this. It's funny though. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." -A. Whitney Brown Adoptables. These adoptables are images made in my likeness (which, by the way, makes them very stunning). Thank you to the artists.

::Things I Have Won for my Deviousness::

Awards. An aisha with such confidence in her genius such as I needs no trophies to prove it. I am still going to put them here to make you envious. Ha.

::Leave Me::

Link Me. Yes, put a link to me on your page, so that all neopians can marvel at my brilliance. <a href="http://www.neopets.com/~Kwelani"> <img src="http://content.neopets.com/guilds/t/tama54/tama54_0823132001044672794.gif" alt="Kwelani's page is devious."></a> More Links. Here are some pet pages that are worthy of your time, since you are done here. Now, leave this place.