(...and encounter the
freeloaders it holds.)
You
enter a dark room through a pair of deep indigo curtains. The dim lights in the
room reveal a stage of sorts at the front of the room, and above your head is a
balcony made of ebony. You catch a fleeting glance of something yellow moving
between the seats on the balcony, looking somewhat out of place in the dark
room. You hear a quiet, unnerving chuckling
coming from behind you and turn around to see two glowing, purple eyes shining
out from the darkness, and a yellow zafara wearing a black cape with deep purple
lining emerges
from the shadows, a crooked smile on his lips, his pointed canines poking
out at the corners and a light purple orb shaped earring dangling from his right
ear. You gasp as the zafara approaches you, smirking vampiricly, but he seems to
mean you no harm and sits down on the top of the seat beside you, dangling his
black-clad legs over the edge.
Hello, I'm Kauv, the master of Darkness. This is my home. As you can see, it's
an old theater. I live up there, in a room above the stage. I'm surprised you
didn't freak out and leave as soon as you saw the place, but I'm glad you
didn't. It's nice to have company.
The zafara doesn't seem threatening at all, now, a little odd, maybe, but not
threatening. He smiles over at you and then jumps down from his perch, grabbing
your hand and leading you over to the stage and sitting you down on a seat in
the front row and then nimbly jumping onto the stage and sitting on the edge.
You notice a small, grey triangle marking on his left paw as he lets go of your
hand.
Would you
like to stay and listen to me? Of course you would! Why do I even need to ask?" The
vampiric smirk reappears on Kauv's face. "Here, stay and
listen to my story. I don't have much to tell, but I'm sure you'll enjoy what I
have."
I was born about 21 years ago in this very theater. I pretty much raised
myself, although I had a bit of help along the way from an odd bat-dragon
creature who called herself Morg. She was a chubby little thing with a fondness
for cooking... I rather enjoyed her presence, actually. Can't say I'm not
grateful, since if it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have survived. You
see, my mother didn't want me. My father had been an evil creature, from what I
hear, and my moher wanted nothing to do with him... or me. She already held a
great deal of stigma in her clan, as she was a crossbreed herself (half vampire,
to be precise), and the last thing she wanted was to be abandoned entirely...
although as it was, the only clan member she remained in contact with by the
time she died some 10 years or so ago was her sister.
Oh, don't even get me started on my aunt... She despises me! Or rather, she did
until she seemingly disappeared off the face of the planet a year or so ago, but
that's another story entirely. For some odd reason, though, she dumped my
younger cousin, petri, on me as an "apprentice" when I was around 15 years old.
Now, don't get me wrong, I adore my cousin. I'm eternally grateful that I have
him around, now, because he's one awesome kid, but honestly... did she ask my
permission before plopping a 6-year-old in my house for me to care for? No. She
simply called me up and informed me that I may be receiving a semi-permanent
guest very soon... and then proceeded to glare at me the entire time she and her
husband were dropping off the little freeloader!
It seems Petri was only the beginning of the steady onslaught of freeloaders I
seem doomed to take on, though, because a few years later, a couple students
named Scooty and Lupio came knocking on my door asking for a place to stay while
attending high school, because apparently the people down in the desert region
don't believe in formal education. (Let's not even mention the random earth
dragon who comes up to visit those two every summer and leaves sand embedded in
my carpet for months to come...) Then, later that year, they bring home an
obnoxious, loudmouthed eyrie (who then proceeded to shrink himself with one of
the student's shapeshifting amulet less than a week into his stay) because he
got into a fight with his parents and decided to move out! Some time later, I
found a half-dead acara laying in my forest, so of course I had to rescue her,
nurse her back to health, and figure out what happened so I could deal with
whoever did that to her, which of course proved to be rather a major project,
and eventually ended in her being kidnapped by the guy who'd beat her up in the
first place, and somehow in the process of rescuing her again, we also
managed to acquire her disabled infant son as well as some bizarre radioactive
dog thing that Lupio keeps in the freezer at night. I figured that was all fine
and dandy, and everything went smooth for a while, but before long, Lupio and
Scooty's silly draik friend came back again, this time bringing a blind,
amnesiac hissi with her, who moved into a room upstairs which he stays in and
writes poetry 24/7! And as if that wasn't enough, we ran across an injured,
one-foot-tall krawk on an excursion to the desert with Lupio and Scooty a while
back, so of course he had to stay, too. Last time I ever go to the desert with
them... they're responsible for the absorption of more freeloaders than I can
count! Anyways, as if that wasn't enough, another one of those little
one-foot-tall krawks showed up on my doorstep not too long ago and wound up
staying because of the other one, so now we have two of them, and they aren't
big enough for their own bedrooms, so they share mine! It's all very chaotic...
And that's not even mentioning all their pet and the guests they invite over
constantly... or that crazy tomato thing I bought from the market... I don't
know how they all fit, really. I'm just glad my theater is designed to house
traveling troupe actors...
I enjoy them though. They're good company, freeloaders or not, so i
suppose I can't complain. Anyways, come with me. I'll get you a bite to eat
while I show you some pictures and talk. I don't want to bore you. A bit of
variety should ease the monotony.
The
peculiar zafara continues leading you off towards wherever the for-mentioned
food must be, the same cryptic smile still ingrained on his face. He seems very
hospitable, but it's hard for you to tell whether his interest in you is genuine
or just a device to lure you in. Despite his odd, slightly arcane seeming
behavior, the zafara seems rather companionable.
Somehow, though, there's something very ironic about Kauv's entire being. He
loves darkness and claims to be the master of it, yet he's bright yellow and has
a very hospitable, flirtatious even, personality. He seems sad, but at the same
time cryptically blissful. What a strange zafara... You don't have much time to
dwell on it, though, since he soon pulls you through a remote, purple curtain in
a far, shadowed corner towards the back of the theater and you enter what looks
like an archaic looking drawing room of sorts. The walls are painted a deep
grayish purple, and deep, velvety royal purple curtains hang from the windows. The couches
and armchairs, all of which cushiony looking and upholstered in velvet, the
couches all black and the chairs a deep maroon, are arranged in a sort of semi-circle in the center of the room.
The carpet is a soft, warm gray, and in the center of the semi-circle of
furniture is a glass and ebony coffee table with a silver tea set on it and a
deep crimson rug underneath it. Somehow, though, the room isn't the least bit
gloomy looking, regardless of it's dark looking color scheme, maybe due to the
brilliantly shining crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The light from
the chandelier sparkles and flashes off the walls, making the room seem
strangely pleasant. Kauv sits down on a chair, characteristically dangling his
feet off the edge and motioning for you to sit down near him. You seat yourself
on the couch beside Kauv's chair and continue to glance around the room.
Suddenly, a streak of black and grey flutters into the room and lands on the
back of Kauv's chair. It's a crokabek wearing a deep blue satin collar around
it's neck. It has strange black marks under it's eyes, extending into the grey
of it's cheeks, and it's eyes themselves are much less leery and slanted than
those of most crokabeks. Instead of the usual gold and red, they're a dark brown
and have large, completely harmless looking pupils.
Oh, there
you are, Moses!" exclaims Kauv
cheerily. Turning to you, he explains. "This is Moses, my
pet crokabek. My cousin, Petri, gave him to me as a gift. Isn't he
pretty?" You chuckle and
Moses perches himself on your lap, rubbing his small, feathery head against your
stomach, making you jump slightly before Kauv reassures you that he's very
gentle. At this, you pet the little crokabek's back.
After a few minutes, Kauv grabs a plate and the tea set off the coffee table and
walks out off the room briefly. He returns momentarily with tea and a plate full
of small snack cakes with white icing and cinnamon sprinkled on top. Smiling, he sets them on the coffee table
and picks up a tea cup, taking a sip from it as he sits back down. "Take some."
He offers you a coffee cake and you take it gratefully, biting into it. It's
sweet, but not sickeningly so. "You like it? I cooked them myself. Here, have some tea, also."
He motions
to a cup, and you pick it up and take a sip. The tea has a distinctly minty taste to it. A wave of relaxation spreads through you as you continue to
sip the tea.
Here," says the
zafara. "I'll show you some pictures of my friends. They're quite an interesting
bunch..." He wanders over
to one of the ebony bookshelves that lines the walls and pulls out an old,
leather bound photo album. He then sits back down, this time on the couch,
directly beside you, and opens up the dusty book to reveal an assortment of
pictures. Kauv begins to flip through it and show you the pictures, explaining
the ones he deems important.
That... crazy lookin' Tomato thing is my pet tomato
Alfredo.
This is my cookie-crazed cousin, Petri.
He's my "apprentice" and a great cook.
And this is Aqui. She's amazing,
she really is... I'm so happy she decided to take refuge in my home.
He flips through the pages a bit more before appearing to have found what he
was looking for, "Here, look...
people have drawn fanart of me. I'll show them to you," He ruffles through the papers,
showing each picture to you as he comes to them.
(You can see the full picture
by clicking and dragging them into your address bar, and you can hoover over
the pictures to see who drew them.)
 
  
  
 
 
  
And here's a picture with a special
story behind it... Twistee kidnapped me for a day to
draw me for a
tutorial. How could I
resist? They offered me free tea!
And then Rosa decided to include me in a Christmas Parody she wrote for aine.
Egads...
Diane's Christmas Parody
by
Rosa
Once upon a time there was a furry neon purple fox/lynx
with yellow-tipped ears and a piece of a tie-dye shirt around one paw. She was
sitting quite innocently, managing to draw better with one paw than most humans
can draw with hands, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.
Except it wasn't a knock. The door actually caved in.
DIANEYKINS," came the gleeful cry of the 3'7" 9-year-old lavender eevee anthro.
Even though she had knocked down the door and shouted, she still waved her arm
frantically, as if worried Diane (for that was the quad's name) hadn't managed
to notice her yet.
LOOK WHAT I DID, DIANEYKINS." She skipped over and pulled a widescreen
television out of her poncho. "I STUCK MOST OF YOUR CHARACTERS IN A SMALL BOX.
Diane blinked twice. "R-Rosa? What are you doing here?" This question was mostly
asked to herself, seeing as the twitchy child had already brought up other
points. She glanced at the television. "Did you really put them all in a box?
NO, ACTUALLY." Her left eye twitched. "I couldn't fit them all. I managed to
get like…Zee. Then no one else fitted. Fat. Fittened?" She glanced towards her
buddy. "What's the past tense of 'fit'?
I think it's fitted, Rosa.
Okay. Fitted. Only Zee fitted.
Diane decided not to bring up that the child smelled of sparking grape juice.
"Then where are they?
THEY'RE ON SURVIVOR: ANTARTICA.
Really!?
No. Sadly. I tried, but everyone but Sal started screaming
bloody-Stephen-King-The-Mist murder.
Diane's lip twitched in impatient ness. "Then…where are they?
THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
Seriously?
YES.
….Why?
STRESS RELIEF!" the children exclaimed, and then plopped herself in front of
the television. Diane moved her to the side to get a better view.
-----
Aqui was confused. A couple of seconds ago, she had been watching over her
child. The sun had been shining. Birds had been tweeting. Voles had been voleing.
Poodles had been poodling. But then she was whisked away, and was now sitting on
very squishy grass inside a large factory.
Chocolate grass. Fabulous.
She wasn't alone, either. She spotted quite a few people she knew (for story's
sake we're going to say everyone knows everyone and we're all in the same time
frame). Ymori and Revivify were inspecting those little candy fruits that grow
in the trees (well, actually, Revivify was prodding them with his staff, but
whatever) Miashi's head practically exploded from being around all this sugar,
Petri was currently in cardiac arrest because of all the baking options, and Sal
was….just kind of curled up on a rock that looks oddly similar to candy
mountain. He was probably thinking in his odd thinking way. Again.
Zee had begun "mowing" the grass, which meant he was dragging himself across the
ground trying to eat all the chocolate humanly possible. Angelman's syndrome or
not, anyone under the age of 10 had a 6th sense for anything sugary.
Aqui would have stopped him (or at least limited the sugar intake), but she was
distracted by the sight of Kauv! He was leaning over the chocolate river, and
for a minute the acara thought he was being sick, but then she heard him
yelling.
YEAH. HA. HOW DO YA LIKE THAT? WHAT NOOOOW!?
There was also a lot of splashing going on. Worried that Kauv had finally
snapped and was drowning poor Alfredo, she walked closer. But he wasn't
mentioning anything about priceless coffee tables or his ruined collection of
Christmastime Barbies, so she assumed it wasn't Alfredo.
Upon closer inspection, she noticed the shape in the river currently being
drowned by the zaffy had dark blue fur. And the green cape. And, you know, black
lightning bolts.
She sort of just picked up Zee (who had begun mowing circular, Signs-like
shapes into the grass) and walked away after that. But don't worry; she'll be
back. No one escapes!
Let's prance over to Revivify and Ymori. They're more interesting.
I don't trust them," Revivify said suspiciously. "I mean, the male over there
ate one, and now he's homicidal." He gestured his staff towards Kauv, who was
still drowning Zesshei. His shouts interrupted the two krawks' conversation.
HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, HUH? HUH!!?
Myko thinks they're fine," Ymori said with a frown; the berry smelled heavenly
and looked so fergalicious. When Revivify gave him a look that clearly stated
that he believed his friend was mentally unstable, Ymori explained that Myko and
he had learned Portuguese hand symbols, and they could now communicate.
Except poor Myko wanted to slam his head into the ground when he heard this. You
see, Myko had learned Korean hand symbols, and he had signed that the
fruit couldn't be trusted. Ymori had managed to translate the Korean message to
a Portuguese message that read 'toothbrush toilet kiwi Justin Timberlake', and
he assumed that since the message had Justin Timberlake in it, it had to be
positive.
Plus he just really wanted that fruit.
I think they're totally saf-
THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF LITTLE GIRLS.
And, amazingly, Zesshei managed to get his first word in since the assault
began. It was the incredibly genius:
Rlkshg.
Or whatever sound you make when you're drowning.
When Revivify turned back to Ymori, he noticed the one of the berries was
missing, and Ymori's mouth was jammed full of something.
Myo' eh ieh" he said, which would have said 'Myko did it' if he hadn't had his
mouth full. To help the accusation further, he pointed at the little Wight on
his shoulder. Myko signed that he was innocently, but it was unneeded. No one
could see Myko besides Ymori. Revivify popped Ymori on the head with his staff,
and then backed up rapidly for fear that the pygmy krawky was going to suddenly
turn into a killing machine due to the poisonous fruit. He made a crucifix with
his fingers.
Ymoriiii, you feeling oka --
DIE. DIEDIEDIE.
(more interruptions from Kauv).
Are you feeli --
DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE.
Are you o --
HAHAHAHDIIIIIIIEEEEEE.
OKAY. KAUV, WE GET IT." Poor Revivify was at his boiling point. "But you've
been drowning him for the past 10 minutes! I think he's dead by now!
Kauv, emotionally crushed at the thought that he no longer had anyone to kill,
pulled up the limp body of Zesshei. He smacked the aisha's face a couple times
until he got the chocolate off, and then he noticed that his entire body had
turned a milky white.
Well that's no fun," he said with a feminine pout, tossing the dead body back
into the chocolate river.
(Let's see what the consequences are of this action:
Wow!" Random Child #5 said, munching on his candy. "These special white
chocolates are delicious! I wonder how they got their furry texture.
Suddenly, the child mutated into a cannibal! A cannibal named Hannibal Lector!
He then set out to recreate these delicious treats. He would probably use moths.
Or something.
Moral: Don't use a lamp to roast chestnuts.)
Since Ymori hasn't turned into a crazy(er) person, let's see what Petri's doing.
I could do anything with his!" he cried, almost seizing around all the sugar.
He used the spatula on his pants to grab a handful of the grass and he began to
laugh manically even though that's completely out of character for him. "I will
be the greatest baker ever!
Suddenly, Christina Aguilera jumped out from behind a sugar plum bush and began
singing her old single!
He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated candy man.
No Christina! I said I wanted to be a baker, not a candy man.
When Christina looked sad and on the verge of singing her other single, Hurt,
Petri pulled a cookie out of his apron, and gave it to the ex-Mouseketeer. She
became gleeful and skipped away humming This Christmas to herself.
Petri now searched the room for someone to help him bake. He spotted a twitching
ionic canine, and called her over.
Miashi! Bestest buddy! Help me baaaake!
Miashi, whom had currently been discussing the purpose of life with Sal (his
opinion had been the iPhone, and hers was eternal happiness), trotted her way
over.
Holazehz mehzes amigoeszehsas! Mezamas llamozeezah Miashizehza!
Petri blinked twice and pouted childishly. "Miashi, why are you speaking another
language? I can't speak Spanish.
It turns out Miashi, while fidgeting and flailing around, had stumbled upon a
pumpkin pie vine. But it was no ordinary pumpkin pie vine, oh no. It was infused
with the essence of Dora the Explorer, whom everyone knows is the Keeper of all
Languages. Miashi of course swallowed the entire vine whole, inhaling it like a
vacuum or a crazy toaster monster from Tellatubbies.
Könnenzeezah Siemeza Deutscheszoose sprechenmesaze?
I can't speak German either.
Comemeza circazeeeso italianomoozy?
Can't do Italian.
Miashi then did Korean hand symbols, which Petri also did not understand. Myko,
on the other hand, did understand these. He Wighted himself on over and began to
sign to the gelert that Ymori should be watched, because any second now that
homicidal fruit was going to digest and if that happened they were all done for.
But before the poor little dead guy could even finish his dramatic signing, an
even more dramatic shout came from behind him.
Bow-chica-wow-wow chica-wow-wow!
It came from Ymori, whom was now glowing and seizing about. His head rotated 180
degrees and his left eye turned yellow and rolled back in it's socket. He also
began to laugh in a high-pitched voice.
Myko signed the words, "Oh crap, we're all doomed."
I AM MASTER OF SEAGULLS!" Ymori shrieked, waving his spear in the air. "COME TO
ME, MY LOYAL SUBJECTS.
But no seagulls came. The only things that came to his call were Oompa Loompas.
The people standing near the krawk were just now beginning to question his
sanity (apparently glowing and having body parts rotate in impossible ways was
common around here). But then the Oompa Loompas and Sal (I always knew there was
something wrong with him) turned into seagulls! They flew into the air, cawing
and swooping down upon Petri, who had just finished making his soufflé. Their
loudness burst the baked treat, and in his despair he grabbed his ruined dessert
in chunks and threw it into the sky.
The seagulls became distracted by the chunks of sugary bread, and they dipped
down to catch the chunks in their mouths.
NOOOO!" Ymori raged as tourists in flip-flops showed up to take pictures of
their children feeding the birds. "IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIIIIS!
Sal magically transformed himself back into a furry ice hissi, tackled Ymori to
the ground, and began slamming his head on the Fuerasomething's stomach. He
continued this until the fruit fantastically undigested itself and Ymori spat it
out.
Everyone began to rejoice! They weren't all doomed! They aren't all going to be
devoured by seagulls! Gerald Butler isn't really dead in the new movie P.S. I
love you! It was a cause for a celebration. They had a wild dance party.
Ymori and Myko taught everyone how to Soulja Boy.
The end.
-----
Diane sat, gaping at the screen. She looked from the screen to Rosa. The screen.
Rosa. The screen. Rosa. The screen…Rosa.
Is this some cruel punishment for taking over a month to finish that Annabell/Metro
picture? I kind of need those guys back. You can't just leave them in that
factory. And you can't just kill Zesshei!
Rosa blinked twice and than grinned. "It wasn't punishment for anything! I
thought it would be entertaining and it would fill you with Christmas cheer!"
She mentioned nothing about bringing back Diane's characters, let alone bringing
Zesshei back to life.
How was that Christmas cheer!?
Would you like me to send them into How the Grinch Stole Christmas
featuring Jim Carrey?
NO! I mean, no." Diane remembered you weren't supposed to yell at small
childrens. It damaged their fragile psyches. "I just want…my characters back.
The kid nodded and snapped her fingers in a very dramatic way. All of the
characters magically appeared in the room (Zesshei was alive again, sadly, but
he was being kept in a dog carrier). All of the characters….except Zee. Aqui was
currently holding a vegetable and sobbing. Kauv went over to snuggle her to make
her feel better.
Diane turned her head to give an exasperated glare to the lavender eevee. "Why
did Zee turn into a cumquat?
There were some…temporary side effects from him eating all that grass.
How temporary?
Rosa answered with a question. "What year is it again?
Diane's eyes widened again as she looked towards the acara/aisha-turned-vegetable.
After a moment or two, she slowly looked back at the child. Rosa was still
grinning.
Merry Christmas Diane!
…Merry Christmas Rosa.
|
He flips another page
and seems to spot something of interest. "Oh, and I suppose I can't
forget to show you Diane's own art of me... she needs to draw me more often." He says, and then
proceeds to show you more pictures of himself, this time drawn, apparently, by
Diane.
 
  
Ok, now let me show you my
adoptables. See, I have all my adoptables
saved onto here...
Well, that's
all my adoptables. I'm working on my collection, though. I even got Diane to
make me a set of my own, so perhaps I won't have to mooch off my freeloaders'
sets to get customs for myself... now that that'll prevent them from mooching
offa me... anyhow, would you like to see my adoptables? They're special ZWIFO
adoptables, which stands for Zafaras With Insane Food Obsessions. here, take a
look.
ZWIFO
Adopties
Rules
1.) These are trade only, but you
don't have to trade a custom of me to get one. In fact, between Diane, Jaraxle,
and that crazy Yami Pajami lady, you probably have nearly 50 characters you
could make customs of, so if you lack zafara adopties or want to trade for more
than one of these, do not fear! Just talk to Diane and I'm sure you can work
something out.
2.) If you want a trade, just drop
Diane a neomail and fill out this form, here.
Zaffy's Full Name:
Ref:
Essential Accessories (if anthro):
Food/Object to Hold:
What You Can Trade in Return:
3.) Also, although technically
these, being ZWIFO adopties, are intended to hold your zaffy's favorite foods or
beverages, you can also request for them to hold some random object if they lack
a favorite food or something else just seems to fit better. Just don't ask for
anything too terribly large, detailed, or otherwise difficult to draw on MS
Paint/fit on the template, alright?
4.) It would be immensely helpful
if you could link these back to my page.
Default Colors
Yellow
Red
Blue
Green
Brown
Ghost
Gold
Pink
Shadow
Silver
Sketch
Skunk
~*~
Customs
Kauv
Petri (TheLastLobo)
Anarchist_Grunge
DJ_Tempest
Young_Zefin
Nanillah
Nequite
Romeo (for toasible)
Jayquaz
Xyraei
_Wally_4
_Winnie_4 |
Kauv replaces his
handheld contraption back in the hidden pocket and takes a sip of tea. "Well, that's
about all I've got to say about myself... You may stay and finish your tea, and
then I suppose you can leave, if you wish...I appreciate your visit. Please come
again sometime. Maybe even
take home this link with you so other people can visit me.
|
