I was born as a single child into a family. I had a normal childhood - there was nothing out of the ordinary that I knew of. I grew up mostly playing outside with my friends. Everyday I was always with my best friend, Rosamey. Our mothers knew eachother before we were born, so we knew eachother from heart. I can't remember one moment where I couldn't be myself around her. There was never a dull, boring day when I was with her. Just sitting around on a rainy day was enjoyable with her. Our friendship continued and flourished throughout elemantary school and the very beginning of middle school.
Whenever someone says the word "Childhood", I think of Rose. We were so childish, so naive, and so happy.
It felt like it came out of no where. Yeah, my dad was angry and unhappy sometimes, but I never knew it was this bad. He just left my mom and I. I was only 13, and I was so confused. He never acted like something was seriously wrong, he never warned me, and my mom never told me anything until the last couple days.
My mother told me a few days before he moved out that they wouldn't work out anymore. She wouldn't tell me why. She just broke down if I even tried to ask.
It took a few weeks until I realized how bad this situation really was. My dad had gotten engaged already to another women. It hit me pretty bad. I hid inside my room all the time and stayed away from people. I stopped hanging out with Rose, I ignored her calls, I didn't acknowledge her in the hallway at school. I was so focused on everything that had just happened that I didn't care about how I was treating people. It got the point where we didn't even talk anymore.
A year later, my father and his new wife had a baby son. We didn't see eachother like normal seperated families do. He never called me to see if I was okay. I then knew he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
Everyday was a struggle for me. I had trouble keeping friendships with people. I ignored my friends outside of school, I cancelled plans on them, I let others down just because I didn't want to deal with the real world anymore. People stopped trying to keep up with me since I pushed them all away.
But I continued to blame my loneliness on other people. I couldn't help it, though, I had no motivation to be around people. Maybe it was the fear that I had no hopes for having memorable times - nothing compared to the way I felt with a stable family and life. I felt better off alone from the bitterness of other people. The only person that seemed to notice and care was my mom. It's because she understood me; we were in the same situation. She's always there to help me when I'm having trouble.
All I really did for the next few years was sit in my room on the computer or playing video games. Which didn't help on the emotional eating habit I had picked up after the separation of my parents. I was already a chubby kid but not nearly as big as I am now. My weight gain brought down my confidence and made me a very easily irritated person. While I was cooped up in my room I picked up an interest in art and electronic music. It helped me vent my feelings a lot.
It wasn't until my sophmore year in high school that things got better. I decided to take a ceramics class and my seat was assigned next to Rose. I was so anxious while trying to sit down that I was probably sweating through my hoodie. All the possible things she could be thinking about me at the moment scared the living daylight out of me.
The whole first class was silent between us and very awkward. I could feel that she was nervous too, but I couldn't believe she would be. It wasn't until the end of the class that she talked to me.
Casey," she had spoken to me after the bell rang. "I know you've been going through troubles at home and I've wanted to talk to you for so long. You just always seemed like you didn't care about our friendship anymore. Are you okay?"
I'll never forget the feeling I felt when she told me that. To know someone had been worried about me all that time was amazing but terrible at the same time. I felt guilty for pushing her away so much.
The next couple months were great. We started talking again just like we used to, and she's an amazing person. People think she's annoying - but I don't think I could ever get enough of her talking. She pays so much attention to me and never lets me out of her sight or communication. She got me out of my house and hangs out with me and our families together. Everything was coming together and it was like my childhood all over again. Rose was always contacting me and making sure I wasn't avoiding the world - and when I told her I wanted to relax and sit on my computer; she would bring her labtop over and join me.
All of it changed my attitude to people. Of course I was still the quiet, grumpy kid that didn't want to talk to anyone or go out of the house, but Rosamey brought the other side of me out again. The side of me that had been hiding and avoiding public all these years. It felt so good to be myself around someone again.