For those of you not so familiar with the ins and outs and ups and downs of the Neocash Mall, and for all of you regular Mallrats who need a reminder, or perhaps just something to make you sit back and laugh at yourself, I give you... Neocash Law!

The Laws

NC LAW #1 -- After you discover a buyable mall item that you just adore but don't yet have, you will not receive one from a capsule until AFTER you have bought the item itself.

NC LAW #2 -- After you have purchased that buyable mall item you wanted, every second capsule you open from there on in will award you that item.

NC LAW #3 -- For the few buyable items that a mallrat will not have gotten in a capsule, and actually wants, despite that item having been around as long as the mall itself, making the decision to buy that item as soon as you get back from vacation will cause that item to be retired the day before you get home.

NC LAW #4 -- 70.3% of mallrats will wait until the last minute to buy a retiring item – either because they have forgotten til then, or have not had NC to buy it – only to have 69.8% of those people experience a glitch while either trying to buy that item or redeeming NC card/purchasing NC with paypal, therefore causing them to miss out completely.

NC LAW #5 -- On average, every mallrat has a combined total of over 639 tennis balls, pimples, various kinds of hair bows, and 'I Love NC Mall' flags in their sdb.

NC LAW #6 -- 61.9% of all regular NC Mall traders who do not yet have the packrat avatar will, within 4 months of becoming a mallrat, have enough rubbish from capsules in their sdb to get the avie.

NC LAW #7 -- The very minute you have spent your last bit of NC, the mall will release half a dozen gorgeous new items you like better than anything you have seen so far.

NC LAW #8 -- The very moment you have finished spending the last bit of "oh well, just a little more" neocash you caved in and got in order to purchase that half dozen items, the mall will release a spiffy new MME, or capsule with a Limited Edition that you just HAVE to have.

NC LAW #9 -- It will take you at least twice as many capsules to get this LE as it did to get the last one.

NC LAW #10 -- There is a 87.9% chance that more than 65% of the people you spoke to got the LE in less than 50% of the amount of capsules you opened.

NC LAW #11 -- That spiffy new LE will actually turn out to look like utter garbage, and you won't realise it til you try it on your own pets.

NC LAW #12 -- When there are multiple types of the same item (e.g. MMEs), and you have one type you don't want, and wish to swap it for another type, the only other people you see looking to swap those items are wanting one you don't have, and offering one you don't want.

NC LAW #13 -- The very minute you give in and simply buy the different type of that item you wanted, someone will post on the thread that you are hanging out on that they are looking for the one you wanted to swap, and are offering the specific one you wanted.

NC LAW #14 -- There is a 62.4% chance that within 2 weeks of you trading your arm, leg and spleen for a fantastic retired item, a capsule will be released that gives that item out.

NC LAW #15 -- There is a 71.2% chance that within 3 weeks of trading your arm, leg and several internal organs for an old, retired seasonal item you just LOVED, a new, even better item for that season, that you love even more, will be released, and therefore be buyable for $2 as opposed of the $120 you spent on boxes for that old item.

NC LAW #16 -- The same day you decide to rummage through your closet/sdb and pull out a retired item that you haven't seen on any tradelists, and that you are sure will help you get your wishlist items, 8 other people will suddenly appear on the Neocash Mall board offering the same item (and often asking for less).

NC LAW #17 -- The same day you come up with a brand new wishlist item that you see nobody else looking for, 8 other threads will spring up looking for the same item.

NC LAW #18 -- 81% of the people looking for that same item will find it before you do, even though you 'started looking first', and you have 'better' items UFT.

NC LAW #19 -- After hoarding boxes for weeks in the hopes of finding a trade for your dream item, 48.2% of NC traders will decide to give up the search, and use their boxes to trade and gift away their various UFT items. Within 2 days of the last box being used, at least 3 people will appear offering that dream item in trade and searching for exactly the items that were just given away.

NC LAW #20 -- After noticing a certain retired item on a lot of UFT lists that you never really care for or thought about before, you suddenly become obsessed with getting it, and decide to add it to your wishlist, promptly causing every single person offering that item for trade, to disappear into a hitherto un-discovered black hole.

NC LAW #21 -- After deciding to trade a retired item of yours for an even older/better/more rare retired item, you will discover that it is in fact 3 times harder to again find that item you traded in order to replace it, than it was to find the item you traded for.

NC LAW #22 -- More than 82.9% of NC traders will at some time stumble across a thread where someone is asking for a 'lesser' retired item, and offering wishlist items in return, and as soon as a deal is struck, but just before any items can be sent, the OP will post that they no longer need to trade as some amazingly generous, unbelieavably kind stranger has just gifted them that lesser retired they were searching for.

NC LAW #23 -- Most established NC traders will at some point discover an 'arch rival', and while almost nothing is ever said out loud, this person will appear to stalk you, showing up on the same threads you are trying to settle a trade on, seeking the same items you are, and always /just/ besting your offer.

NC LAW #24 -- Approximately 42.9% of NC traders will trade or give away a retired item at least once, because they don't like it and never use it, then within 2 and a half weeks, get hit with inspiration for the most FANTASTIC theme for one of their pets that requires that item in a most definite way.

NC LAW #25 -- After spending months searching for an absolute dream item, and nearly giving up at least a dozen times, 56.8% of NC traders will then find someone offering that item, and wanting exactly what you have to offer, then just as the trade is agreed upon, and your stomach is turning in circles at your incredible luck, the person offering your dream item will say, "I've just bought some NC with paypal, so where in the mall can I buy those gift boxes?".

NC LAW #26 -- After making a thread on the NC board and devoting the whole day to searching for a dream wishlist item, 42.9% of NC traders will decide to just give up and log off, only to come back the next day to a neomail time-stamped less than 1.5 hours after you logged off, from someone offering your dream item and asking for exactly what you have UFT.

NC LAW #27 -- By the time you have written out and sent a reply to that person who mailed you less than 2 hours after you left the previous day, they will have disappeared, never to be heard from again, or will neomail a reply saying., "Oh I'm so sorry, I waited a while to hear from you but when you didn't reply, I found someone else to trade with not 10 minutes ago."

NC LAW #28 -- More than 70% of NC traders will think they have 'finished' their wishlist at some point, only to discover they have forgotten that they gifted/traded certain items which they in fact need to replace in order to have everything they actually wanted.

NC LAW #29 -- 53.2% of these people will then trade OTHER retired items to replace those ones, thereby needing to then replace THOSE items.

NC LAW #30 -- More than 47.9% of NC traders will need to replace items after they have 'finished' their wishlist because they, at some point, could no longer afford the buyable items they wanted and resorted to trading retired items for them instead.

NC LAW #31 -- 61.7% of all NC statistics are made up.





NC LAW #32 -- On a more serious note - if you are gifted an item (and this is not limited to just NC items), you are to accept it without argument (unless of course there's a genuine reason to be concerned, such as perhaps being suspicious someone has made a mistake and sent an item to your account instead of someone else). If everyone only ever gifted and never received, there would be nobody to gift to. So get over it and just click accept would ya?







Comments? Suggestions?

Please feel free to mail me if you have any questions or comments (the page is currently under some construction still). Feel free to provide feedback on the laws as they are, or to suggest any I might have overlooked.

I also welcome any contact from someone who might wish to translate and host a version of my Laws in a different language, on a petpage of their own. As long as the page credits me by name for the original Laws (you are of course most welcome to praise yourself for the translation) I am not likely to have a problem with it =) But please ask me first. Currently the Laws are available in English and German.

I welcome all input, and I'm very grateful for the time you take to get in touch with me, but I do reserve the right to decide I don't want to use your suggestions, just 'coz I can xD

My sincerest thanks to all of you who have provided me with the pokes I needed to dredge Laws from the depths of my poor overloaded brain. There are too many of you to list individually, but please know I appreciate each and every one of you ^_^

No Theft Plz

I know I have no right to stop any of you putting up NC Laws of your own, but please refrain from stealing mine.

The page layout was made by Izzy for me only, so you're definitely not allowed to take any of that either, m'kay?

Link Back

Feel free to grab one of these buttons to put on your lookup, or wishlist page, or anywhere else you might like to plonk it xD

And if you don't like these ones, by all means feel free to make one for yourself - if you come up with one that you're particularly proud of and would like me to add it to this page, just drop me a line and let me know.


Some Other Handy Links

Lxur's Guide to Retired Re-Releases







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