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A Conversation of the Mind
Darkness. A nothingness....The solid, density of it all pervades your every being as you float there in suspended animation. Unawares and silent, you gaze at the literal blackness at all sides, unable to gain direction, unable to gain any use of your senses, unable to even tell if you were still alive. For minutes, hours even, you remain here in the void, but strangely no sense of fear comes over you. There was no "hope" or "shadow"....only the darkness. Even you as an entity are fading fast and a dull numbness consumes you; in truth it is the only thing keeping you from calling out in horror to the stimulus-free environment. Yet suddenly, you are shaken, awoken by a calming eruption of heat. Sweeping in waves like a delicate dancer, it moves about in slow circles, getting closer and closer to where you--exist was the only word for such a state. Then comes a solitary voice.

What are you doing here
Here...? What..? Where am I?
You are here, something you shouldn't be...I would advise that you leave
But I'm not anywhere...I'm just-In the darkness. Why can't I stay where it's safe?
Pfth, safe? You have an interesting understanding of the world...This is anywhere but safe.
I'm safe here, I know it--I can't see anything that would hurt me. You won't hurt me, will you?
...Leave now, I said. This is where I stay--In the darkness. People like you shouldn't be here
But what did you do to be here? Where is it that I am anyway? You didn't tell me
I don't need to tell you. Just get out.
...I don't know the way. All I see is darkness. Warmth.
What you feel isn't warmth. Things will be here soon...Get out now before it's too Late
Can You show me the way out?
I already said GET OUT. It is not my responsiblity to make sure you strays don't get yourselves killed with your false understanding of the darkness and its warmth.
But where is here? You still haven't said
There is nothing more to tell. This is the darkness that consumes the weak spirit each of us holds..the relentless darkness that never lets go once it has hold of it's victim. The darkness that I sumbitted too long ago.
Why did you come here? Why am I here?
Darkness isn't picky. You're just unfortunate...Like me. But you shouldn't be here. Things will be here soon--Get out now before it's too Late.
Where can I go?
Just get out. There's no place for you here. It's too late...Too Late...
Not yet. You know a way, don't you?
It doesn't matter. I can't offer you anything you don't have yourself. Get out!
You sound so angry...What could the darkness have done to you?
LEAVE

You're still here?
I don't have anywhere to go. I don't know the way.
.........
Please...I need help. Please just show me.

Fine. Be wary...I'm not the best one to follow. The darkness has already consumed me, I can never let go. But maybe, if you're lucky, you can escape it. It's too late for me.
Too late? It's never too late. What do you mean?

Overwhealmed

Time and time again I've told you that it was too late...Yet your ignorant, deaf, closed ears have yet to comprehend. I repeat myself over and over and yet you hear nothing! Perhaps if you understood...if you understood the way I felt. If you understood, if you were explained what happened what happened to bring me to such a state. If you could only hear the dangerous and troubling path that lead me to be who--though more of what-- I am today. What? You look surprised...No, I wasn't always like this. Something in what little snipit of slender, skinny, dying conciousness could tell you that, yes? No. You're wrong...I was always like this, deep down. Inside I knew. I always knew...Everyone always knew it seemed. Always lying and spreading their crude mischeivious, schewed and deformed words from their fiery tongues. Lies, that's all my life has been and that is all it will ever be! Why else would I be doomded to this fate?

Perhaps I have missunderstood...You do not want to know how I feel, you merely wish to feed the thirst of your unquinchable quests for knowledge and the secrets that flow like honey, milk, precious blood from your mouth and through your viens that give you reason for being. Fine. As you wish. I will sing to you the praises you so 'richly' deserve, you insignificant fool. What? I am the fool?
No! I haven't said anything! I--
Exactly my point. I have little care if you do or not, but since you have yet to stop me from my rammbling, my tenacious reciting, recorded recollections of memories thus far described, you must be curious to what I am about to recall. Sit--Or remain the way you are--but be wary. Things will still be here soon...We must continue on our way. We must Get out before it's too late.

I may have said this before, but your selectiv ears perhaps didn't comprehend it the first. Though I was not always in this particular position years ago, I always knew deep down that there was something more for me. I wasn't to be a lowly member of a pack of normal lupes. Oh no. I was much too special for that...much too deserving of the hatred and betrayal that lay in store for me. I was born, as many were, but not in the natural sense. Perhaps I had a mother...perhaps a father as well...but not to your definition of the word. Those shadowed figures of my past, those nobodies, those banshees in a realm far detatched from this one are but dots on the grand scale of my life. GRAND! Yes...Grand...So grand that I was to suffer this eventual fate.

I had no family...and I never have. Those beasts abandoned me at an early age. I fended for myself as best I could, but they vanished long before they should have. How you ask? As if it is the business of one whom is just passing through...Come. Get out we cannot linger here.

So I was left without a family, without this sensation of "warmth" that the truth reeks with. Literally REEKS with...The light I do not miss, but the natural warmth...Regardless, the past cannot be repeated. If that had been so, I would have done away with those 'companions' long before they filled my head with nonsense. Nonsense PURE NONESENSE! And yet how true it was! "You're nothing", they'd say, "you're worthless...You have no family and yet you still think you have a right to be here?" they'd constantly shout.
...That's horrible!! Why would they do such things to you?
That is what living in the truth does...but not realizing it. There is only darkness, the false truth, that lies in the heart of all. One must sacrafice, surrender, give all, depart from thise world of darkness before they can truly realize their potentional. Those lupes, those young companions of mine never quested. They never wasted their precious time, their slim opportunities, their spare chances to belittle me. They approved of nothing I did, they yelled, they taunted...They beat. But by the grace of such an ignorant light that I lived in I believed them! Yes..Trash..I was trash...I was put on this earth, left by my parents to be their play thing. That was my existance...that was all I knew. Day in, day out, sunset....sunrise...I was nothing, and I am nothing. Even NOW my purpose seems to be the play-thing of those who've lost themselves in the shadows! Why was I chosen to be this way? Because I was weak..I was vulnerable. Weak.

I was their tool, and they were my friends. That was how the light was seen...and that was how the light faltered. So years passed and I allowed myself to become nothing....I gave in to the wings that shattered the sun, that coated the rays, that blackened out the truth's warmth. Strangely, curiously, oddly, I began to be enlightened. There was another warmth...It didn't feel so cold, no chills ran up my spine one evening while I was out, once again, with my 'friends'. Then She Arrived. Arrived, flew, approached, came like an angel of the moon, goddess of eternal beauty and soverity that the others had no choice but to fall to their knees, lay prostrate on the ground at her feet, kiss the earth that she walked on. Her pericing golden eyes shone in the glittering darkness...even the trees seemed to sway in her direction. She was personified light...in the form of personified darkness. Her countance was nothing less simple..nothing less brilliant: Bella.

At once my tormenters began to abandon me...At least in the way that they no longer punished me for simply who I was. No. They had other plans...They used me even more. They bribed, they bet, they gambled, they faught...and I was their toy, their punchingbag, their servent. They naturally wanted to impress this witch, and I was a means of doing so. But each time she would pass, her pericing eyes only lay on me. And yet it would only make them hurt me MORE! Crused beast of beauty!! Cursed temptress of alienated security! I should have never allowed you to stay..I should never have allowed you to call to me. Bella would visit me during the evenings, as one would never see her when the sun rose high in the skies. Oh she hid in these very shadows of which you see..waiting until she could make me vulnerable, until I was witless, until I was beaten beyond recognition by those liers that theieves. One evening, I was scheduled to meet her in the woods. I was commanded to congretate in her dedicant presence to soak up the very being which was the plight of my gang. It was a secret. She said...a secret. I came, the dull fool that I was, I approached, I willingly rushed to meet her--the only solstice I had in this world. My only escape from the wrath, the blindness of those three, the illusions of light and shadowed intertwined when we met. My ears and eyes perked, my once beating heart expectant and warm...for once warm in the icy fields, the winded half-lives of those I dwelled with. The warmth is what you are surrounded by now...the same comforting, attracting, irreistable urge to find something, someone that you belong to.

It is false

Her eyes shone red that night, her smile was crooked, her motives were pure....as pure as those of a vampire could be. I recall nothing more that night save for pain. Physical, emotional, pscyhological, killing, never ending, burning, fire...PAIN. It swept my body, it consumed my mind...I was lost in this darkness for three days. I awakened to nothing, I felt nothing, I was nothing. Always nothing...Never--

I wandered aimlessly through my packlands. Slaughtered... All of them. Not a soul was left...not one of those idiotic bullies, stupid roughians, alive for me to take my revenge upon. I knew not of who I was...And the only trail I had to follow was the warmth. So follow I did. But soon the world of shadows was not enough. I became desperate...I was thirsty. I searched blindly, my eyes as dull and red as coals in a burning ember, as blood fresh blood slipped upon the ground from a battle that should not have been faught. I asked the warmth that seeped around me for assitance, for guidance. There was no response. Asked again. Nothing. And so I ventured into the darkness again. I searched within this realm for the warmth...for enlightenment, for education, for instruction. Instead I found that horrid...stunning, crippiling light. The warmth tried to claim me, but the true warmth had found me and captured me in its spell. What is this warmth you say? Of darkness, of light, of shadow, of rays? I do not know myself...Why would I tell you?!!--But freedom comes at last upon its discovery, and I was opened to a new world with the ability to traverse between each spectrum. I knew what I was, and I was not afraid to appease my appetite.

Deaths were claimed, blood was taken. Hearts were stopped...as mine had been. Yet my victims simply died...There was no screaming...No pain as I had experienced. The warmth had abandoned me..and each and every time I attempted to control it, to harness it's power, it vanished.I continued to claim victims, I continued to dismantle lives, existances, instances of beings that survivied on this plain only to fall to my fangs. But I couldn't stop, I wouldn't allow myself to stop. It was too good...too vital. I didn't want to die, so others had to in my place.

Yes! Sacrifice at last! The power I had longed for, the retribution I had strived towards! Finally it had come--but at a price. Light had conqured shadow, warmth no longer surrounded me, no longer aided me...and so I was shunned into a further nothingness. Scratches appeared, cuts into my flesh:I was being punished once again for who I was and nothing more. Before the darkness left me, I had never truly had a meal...I hadn't had the blood of others in my gaping mouth, the tantilizing scent of blood filling my acute nostrils, dripping from my elongated, sharp, innocent--innocent-HA!-- fangs. Whenever it was that I parted the shadows, wherever I dwelled that I slipped from the imprisioning coils, I was under such an immeasurable amount of hunger that I nearly considered biting everything I saw. Yes!! Every tree, every stump...every thing that seemed ediable or none my deconstructed, enraged mind thought it would cure the sickness.

Fortune smiled upon me, and only me, that a young lupess was wandering down the road. Carefree, spirited...so young and full of such rapture that I couldn't help but recall the very reason I was in this state. Half-crazed, half-insane, and entirely blood-thirsty, I leapt and took my first prey. It was swift, it was satisfying, and so warm...Suddenly, the heat was ripped from me; the one moment I had called back the irregularly pleasing, the strangely comforting sensation, I was wrenched to the ground. My left shoulder shattered, the fur ripping off in the form of a large scar that ran dry in seconds. The pain lingered, the physial evidence of my sin forever embedded on me for all to see. Nothing new. Nothing strange about this familiar stab! Pain is no stranger to my heart, my eyes!! That is the way it will always be--yes..always, ever..never...

Until one day.

A being traveled into my realm....THIS realm, mind you. They were dropped from the heavens. They ascended from no where, began asking simplistic, moronic questions as you did. How I wished to slay them...and yet they were in the darkness. The warmth was too rich around them, it was begining to consume them. It took advantage, it sucked the small light that existed within them away...it drove them into insantiy. Again and again they reappeared, new-comers into the shadows with which I live in. And time and time again they have fallen. They still dwell here, as Nothings. That is why we MUST continue you naiive traveler. There is nothing more for me to tell, to yarn, to recite. Things will be here soon....Get out before it's Too late

The one behind the Fangs

:~*&*~: Name: Xiethner
:~*&*~: Alias: Xie; The Ferryman
:~*&*~: Age: Late Teens in human/3 in Lupe
:~*&*~: Gender: Male
:~*&*~: DOB: November 25th
:~*&*~: Family: Why speak of something I never had?
:~*&*~: Occupation: Vampiric messenger of the Darkness;Vampire
:~*&*~: Diet: Blood
:~*&*~: Likes:---
:~*&*~: Love: There's no such thing in this world
:~*&*~: Personality: He's usually rather dark, silent, reserved, intelligent, jumps-to-conclusions, and has a mild case of Schizophrenia (visible in his repetative and somewhat sparatic speech). He does not befriend easily, but it comes to attention time and time again that he leads souls through the darkness he'd conqured and allows them to find their rightful place
:~*&*~: Home: The darkness
:~*&*~: Pack:---
:~*&*~: Friends: I have no "non-victims" to speak of
:~*&*~: Description: Go here :3 Drag the image to the information bar or copy the code in the box

Earthly Preferences


Being left alone Blood The Darkness When others realize "the truth The sun Traveling Being Cold Satisfaction of seeing his conclusions are true	His Job as Ferryman The Darkness Realizing the Truth too soon Liers Food Not being able to sleep Death

Selfish Desires

What most would call this emotion, this feeling, this sensation, this inadequate malfunction of the heart and sweet blood that pulses through their veins is an illusion! There exists little but darkness in the world and therefore the darkness is what I "love". It is what I know, what I have conquered, and what shall never rule over me again. I am bound! Wraught by the duality of dedication to this blakened spirited of my mind and the field of vision which invades my only view. What you see is but a projection, what you feel is merely a fabrication of your own unhonest disires.
But...Haven't you ever had love? Love of a friend, or a parent, or--
Why must you speak such lies! Your tongue has thus-far gotten you no where and yet you continue to dwell upon what you believe? This world is different--this is the world of sin, worlds of clouds and shrouded misinterpretations of who and what something truly is. I will not allow you to waste your breath anymore on such silly, rediculuous, insane notions. Insane...Truly Insane...

Come, things will be here soon. Get out...before it's too Late

Non-Victims

When you exist in an alternate plain of reality, it can be quite difficult to aquire....campanions that are what would be consider aquatinces that you would associate with those whom you trust--much less can one find victims here. It is, in fact, only when I venture into the outside that I can sustain my hunger and therefore quinch my appetite to satisify my cravings and successfully appease my wants for what this adoration of blood implies. There are no 'friends' in this world; there are only those whom I can either not attack, do not wish to be around me, or those who serve no use to me whatsoever. The idea of friendship is a petty ideal!! What 'love' and friendship can one aquire with those around you who care and promise that they will always stay beside you? NONE! Why am I even answering this question?!

Connections

No, it is not useless, non-existant, imaginary "family" that I speak of with connections...But there is a creature here that has also retained some of her original mind. She has restrained knowledge of her former life. She is a nothing, but not one that I have ever seen before. Often you, humans, creatures that believe they have power, believe they can see through the darkness--spy through the shadows--that become nothings here. They live, though mostly die, here in their nothingness, and through the nothingness the nothings earned their nothing name. The nothings are called for what they are and will always be. But this creature thinks, she feels...As far as a half-being can. She managed to betray the darkness, and in fighting the darkness she decieved it. She was no more than a spy for the light after that, and here she dwells in punishment--however true that is. For it seems one is drawn to this darkness as much as light seeks us out!! Pitiful existance in a pitiful world. Ukalin, this snake-like spirit, usually floats around as a whisp, black as night save her glowing, pupilless eyes. They remind me quite of my own. Another trait of what dwelling in the warmth can do. I know nothing of her, but she follows me constantly--Ha! Reminds me of a pet, the horrid thing. But I feel she uses my...existance to verify her own, and my own existance is thus guarenteed by her's.

Vampireism

Unless what little of you is left has no capability of remembering memories to recall when remembered, then you will have realized I am, by all accounts of the word, a Vampire. Do not believe those folk tales of myths and slanders that surround my kind: the sun does not burn my skin, I merely do not wish to dwell where others can see the sin, the scars on my body that are the sin of the sins I've committed; I do NOT transform into any creature that is a morph of myself. Transformation is not what I can do--certainly not into some winged creature of the night.
What about Garlic? Crosses..? Are you weak against--
Those myths are lies! Those tales are charlatons in disguse of what a vampire truly is. We are creatures forced to live without a soul, forced into the shadow, the darkness, the void that you are in now. I cannot sleep, I do not eat save for the blood that I drink and what wounds I do receieve heal faster than any mere mortal's injuries could recover after being hurt.
...By drink you mean--
Do not misunderstand the spoken words that come from my mouth: I am by all rights a vampire. I attack when my thirst becomes evident or when I simply lose control. Yet there is something different-special-to my curse. Whenever I attack, I get a cut somewhere on my body. A cut forms itself in my skin whenever I attack and claim a victim. Because I heal so quickly, most have vanished. But when they vanish and I recover, I have claimed yet another and it returns. An endless cycle...A wretched trap. I can't escape...Things are coming soon...We shouldn't linger. Come before it's too Late

Minions

You know the old saying that victims of Vampires become their slaves after being bitten? Well that has yet to be proven for my sake...For the ones I bite never show signs of being slaves. But it seems that these little...very similar beings could be worked with. Maybe I could get them to do my bidding for me he chuckles darkly as he inspects the minisYes...These little beings might do my bidding.

Finally the Light

When are we going to get to the exit? Didn't you say you were going to lead me there?
What? All my tolerance of your constant talk and jabbering speech and babbling voice through the entire procession has meant nothing? You're just as impatcient as the rest of them are! The darkness has no end, fool. You must find it yourself--I only serve to ferry those to a point where they can, and assist in showing them where they are by leading them wherever serves them best. My life story is revealed and here you stand as if only you matter, as if no one else in the world has an existance. It's like you are the only one who has a desdination and you care not for those who arn't you.
No! That's not it at all, I just wanted to know if you were telling the truth--

...........And so you find it.
Huh? Find what? The way out...?
Finally the warmth ceases, the darkness around you beings to fade into a mass of white, speckled edges of light like flittering butterflies seperating and flooding the sky with a brilliance your eyes had never seen before. In peices-parts the nymphs scatter and crack, breaking down the once thick wall of black into an overwhealming source. They spin and twirl, moving like lumiscent spirits upwards, giving birth to the reality that you were still intact, that you were real and completely alive. You force your hands to your face to sheild yourself. From the corner of your vision you see him, standing off to the side--no longer just the voice but the tattered, worn-looking beast with bloodied fangs and slited eyes. His head hangs low, face partically obscured by the overhanging of tuft, intelligent yet wild expression starting you back in the face: your guide for this entire time. You flinch--and he notices.

Just as all others repeteadly preach; you don't judge by the outward looks, you merely charge for their appearance.
...I-I'm just freightened
As you should be. I said before that I'm not to be trusted, I'm not one you can believe in. But you spoke of how you wouldn't care! My 'kindess' that you can see! This is what the darkness does to you, it blinds and shadows who you are until the truth, this light, reappears and shatters it.
But I really didn't! I don't hate you--
But you do not care for me either. I mean little to you, or what I really am is of no concern. Nevermind. Your time here has been too long, my job is done, I'm tired of having this same journey over and over again. You creatures just stay in the truth where you belong; let me dwell in the shadows, let me hide in the darkness where I can cover myself with blackness and not be seen. Keep your pity to yourself! I don't want it...I've never wanted it. I just want understanding not brought on by the heat that is brought on by the warmth of darkness whos warmth warms only false pleasures and sensations!

Thank you for showing me the way. I would have been trapped here without you. That DOES show kindness--
LEAVE!

As the scene finally vanishes, you find yourself safe and cold. The chilling gust of morning wind from the window you had left open last night breaking you from your seemingly endless slumber. The rays outside strike the glass, the sound of song-birds chorusing trills against the pale, blue sky dotted with long-hanging clouds accompanying the calm serenity. You lay in your bed, staring up to the blank celing, contemplating deeply. Had it all just been a dream?

Pathways

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