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If you annoy me, you will be lowered into a tank full of sharks with lazer beams attached to their heads. I figure every creature deserves a warm meal.
Ok, that's it, guard, begin the unnecessarily Slow-Moving Dipping Mechanism! Release the sharks! What? What is it? You're interrupting my moment of triumph! We don't have the sharks? You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Throw me a bone here! What do we have? Sea Bass?! Are they ill tempered? Well, that's a start.
My name is Dr. Evil.. That's DR. Evil. I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much. The details of my life are quite inconsequential... Very well, where do I begin? My father would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really(holds pinky to mouth).
These are my evil pets, except Mew. She's not quite evil enough. She's semi-evil, quasi-evil, the margarine of evil, the diet coke of evil, just one calorie, not "evil" enough.