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Pet Name: GarlicPetNo1
My name is Garlic, and I enjoy it when I am called a smart cookie.
Oh, right. I guess being literal is pretty dumb, huh? Personally, I think you should take advantage of what you can, without messing up things. Like royal pets can easily get other pets to do their bidding, so long as they act kingly, or queenly, or princessly, or whatever the word is. If a mutant pet wants to scare others, then that's easy. Me, I like to take advantage of the phrases that come with being painted biscuit.
Take, “I could just eat you up!” as an example. That isn't exactly one of my favorite things to be told, since it typically comes with hungry eyes, and being lunged at the next minute. Sheesh, don't those people know that's cannibalism? I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been nearly devoured. Oh, wait. Haha. Yes I can: eighty-two, fifty of which coming from my own family, and forty-one of that fifty coming from my older sister, Perri. I gotta say, Perri's nuts. She doesn't care if I'm her one and only brother, or if she's already eaten; she'll do anything to eat a gigantic, walking cookie.
Now, just because I'm an edible pet doesn't mean that I'm paranoid that everyone's out to get me. After all, not only am I too awesome to be eaten, but everyone in Neopia knows that if I poof, so will the last confident biscuit neopet. Seriously. It's not funny business—I've only met fifteen other biscuit pets in my entire life, and all of them were covered with wearables and air freshener. Rumor had it that a biscuit usul vanished after stopping by at the Bakery to pick up cupcakes for a party. You'd think that it would be enough to just avoid that shop completely, along with the Chocolate Factory, Super Happy Icy Fun Snow Shop, Faerie Foods, and just about every other food shop in Neopia. But nooooooooo. The shops had to put up wanted posters of biscuit pets with rewards of five million neopoints. If I wasn't being stalked by a particular group of chias, I would be proud to say that I'm worth eleven million points.
So, anyway, the day came along that my family discovered the wanted posters. Being her Desperate For Avatars self, my owner, Nat, completely lost it upon seeing how much my reward was. Luna happened to be Desperate For An Actual Paint Job, and she lost it around eight seconds after Nat. It was no surprise that Perri already wanted to eat me, and had seen the posters long before the rest of my family. Ellie was the only one who remained calm—the reason being that she was off playing Snowmuncher for (shock, utter shock) an avatar. 'Course, if she'd been there, she would have tackled me from behind and dragged a net over my head. So I was lucky that my one smart family member was off overfeeding a poor little polarchuck.
Anyway, one thing sort of leads to another. Basically, what was at first a wild goose chase for eleven million neopoints turned into a plot related to meepits. It's a long story, one that just won't stay focused on the original idea—
“Gaaar-liiic,” Nat sang, clutching a net in her left hand, holding a nova fruit in the other. Wonderful. My owner knew of my one weakness. “I have some delicious nooo-vaaa fruit!” I gritted my teeth, and as silently as I could, moved away from the direction the scent of nova fruit came from. My head cleared, and without a second thought, I sped to Ellie's room. Ellie was infamous for her love of potpourri, be it apple, ocean, or flower scented. For once, though, I was grateful for the sickly sweet smells. I made a mental note: buy nose plugs as presents for everyone except for Ellie, who apparently had a terrible sense of smell.
Of course, nose plugs would never purify the horrific image of Ellie's room. It wasn't pink—I learned to tolerate pink shortly after my first visit to Faerieland—it was a disgusting shade of purple. And even worse, it was jelly. Whenever I collided with the walls, the purple goo would wobble slowly, and I would feel extremely nauseous. As an edible pet, I would normally feel fine among the food furniture, but jelly and I just never seemed to click. Even with jelly aside, the room was still the perfect site for a horror movie. Most likely, that was due to the crystal ball placed in the exact center of the room, with a pillow next to it. At the time, Ellie was going through a stage where she wondered if faerie pets had any special powers, like being psychic. Nobody ever told Ellie that it was just an ability that came from the blessing of a bottled faerie, probably because it was so fun to watch Ellie receive a “fortune of impending doom” every single night. Too bad that her most recent fortune of impending doom came true.
Along with the crystal ball, there was a perfume shelf, a Neonip garden, a purple dresser and mirror, and finally, the stacks of potpourri. I bit my lip, and thought of all the possible hiding places: behind the potpourri was no solution, since I would lose consciousness if I went any closer to the beans; the perfume shelf and Neonip garden would have similar results; and the mirror and crystal ball were obviously lousy hiding spots. That left the dresser. I rolled my eyes as I walked closer to the violet wardrove. Ellie wasn't even a converted pet. She couldn't actually wear things. I opened the double doors, and jumped in, slamming them behind me.
Unfortunately for me, Ellie kept even more potpourri in her wardrobe. I should have known that Ellie had more than the eight jars spread out across the floor of her room, and there was a gigantic stash in her closet. Not only did it reek, but it was a small space, which raised the level of stink exponentially. I could hardly fit my body in the dresser, and there was little room to breathe. I opened the doors a crack, and I felt a vibration against my back. I shrugged it off, and concentrated on other topics. Topics like marshmallows.
Marshmallows were fluffy. Very fluffy. Ellie's room was fluffy. Very, very fluffy. The vibration came again, and I ignored it again. I opened the door another millimeter. The potpourri still smelled disgusting, and unless I got some fresh air, survival was impossible.
Something fell on my head. I rubbed my cookie scalp, feeling around for something out of place. I came across something small and round, and I picked it up and held it in front of my face. It was a purple bean. A purple bean...? More beans started spilling onto my head, and I turned around. Half of the potpourri jars had spilled over.
“AAAAAAAGH!!!” I screamed, and catapulted out of the wardrobe as the shelves of jars gave way with a smash. The glass jars broke into dozens of tiny shards, which spilled across the floor. Dozens upon dozens of colorful beans went flying, and landed on the floor, where they stuck to the sticky jelly. The wardrobe fell backwards into the wall, creating a rectangular hole—one with more potpourri in it.
“Ellie will kill me when she sees this,” I muttered, watching as more jars shattered and more beans fell onto the floor. “Then Nat will kill her.”
“Uh, Nat? What's that noise?” A high-pitched voice asked from several rooms away. Speak of Jhudora! I thought, cursing under my breath. I darted out of the room, the furniture drowning in the endless sea of potpourri. As I ran out, I collided with none other than the faerie wocky Ellie.
“Garlic!” She hissed. “What in Neopia did you d—” Her jaw dropped, and she grabbed my arm. Ellie wasn't the battle pet, but boy, did she have a strong grip. “HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SECRET STASH, YOU PILE OF DOUGH???” I pressed a chocolate claw to my mouth, thinking of all possible responses. Finally, an idea came to me.
“I know about your plot, Ellie,” I snarled, making as dark a face as I good. Ellie's eyes widened. My peculiar imagination derived from participating in the Tale of Woe plot would save my oven-baked chocolate skin. “I know you're working with the meepits. This potpourri is just to poison us all, right? Knock us all out so that the meepits can use our house as HQ?” Ellie released me, and started chewing on her fur, a gross habit of hers.
“Uh, don't tell Nat, okay?” Her teeth chattered as she spoke.
“Only if you tell Nat that this is your fault,” I replied coolly. Suddenly, I was struck with a genius idea. “Aaaaaaaaaaand you let me join in your plot to take over.” Ellie stuck out her paw, and I grabbed it. We shook hands, smiling like good little brother and sister.
So, Pet Spotlight judges, is that insane enough of a story for me to win?
P.S. I put in meepits, since we all know that it's rigged so the meepit stories automatically get it. So give it up already.
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