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Pet Name: Valoo45
Some neopets are obsessed with avatars. Others are obsessed with plushies. And even more are obsessed with faeries. But there are just a rare few who worship the purest, richest substance in Neopia... and that, my dear reader, is dung.
Many neopets think dung is nasty, icky, yucky, smelly, and so forth. But they, THEY don’t know the true value of dung. Did you know that there are only a few types of dung that are usable for furniture? Some dung is too squishy, and other types are too firm. But I digress...
Many of you may be wondering how I came to be so fascinated by this marvelous substance. It all began one day, while I was plowing through Mom’s inventory of old boots and rusty cans to find something to eat.
“Mom, don’t we have ANYTHING to eat other than pickled olives? And those aren’t even edible....” I complained.
“Sorry, Valoo. You know that I’m saving up for a paint job for Peach, so we don’t have much money left over for food,” she explained.
“But Mo-om....... I’m DYING of hunger! We can’t even go to the Soup Faerie anymore because we have so much money!”
“I’m sorry, honey. Why don’t you grab some omelette?”
“It’s been eaten already.... oh, forget it. I’m going to go find something at the Money Tree.”
I grumbled then walked slowly to the Money Tree, hoping to find a raw potato, at the very least. Then, I saw it. A tomato stuffed jacket potato. Wait... a tomato stuffed jacket potato!?!? Who in their right mind would donate that? They were worth 1000 Neopoints, at the very least! Hoping that nobody else saw it, I leapt for it with all my strength... only to find that a yellow Grundo reached it first.
There was nothing I could do. I decided that I should just wait patiently for my next opportunity to seize a meal. I waited for what seemed to be an eternity. My stomach growled, and I tried everything I could to quiet the grumbling. After a few moments of painful waiting, I looked out of the corner of my eye that there was a dung cream sandwich left sitting there, untouched. I meekly walked over to it, and picked it up. At least it was better than nothing... I inhaled the fumes coming from it, and the stench was awful. Did I dare torture my stomach with something this rancid?
I had no choice. I opened my mouth... closed my eyes... and took a bite out of it. After a few seconds of chewing a mouthful of dung, I realized... it wasn’t that bad after all! In fact, it tasted somewhat appetizing! A shoved the rest of the sandwich into my mouth, and looked around for more dung. I found piles of it: more dung cream sandwiches, several piles of dung, some chewing dung, a slice of dung cake, a dung cookie... even a dung bed! I smelled its wonderful fragrance, ran my claws over its smooth, yet satisfyingly slimy texture, and appreciated its taste.
And so, my dear reader, now you have come to know why I very much appreciate dung. Now if only I could convince Link, my Lenny brother, to stop stealing my dung for that feebleminded avatar. But how he came to love avatars... now that, my dear reader, is a completely different story.
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