I have never wanted to die.
But who could stop fate?
But whoever is controlling how I live my life, like a game piece in a board game, has decided for me to live amongst the living again.

For who knows how many years I have felt lonely, or have felt angry with something that I will never know about. I hate life; I wish that I was still buried six feet under ground, if I was ever buried. Everything in me feels cold, my heart never beats, and I just remain in this limbo of life and death.

I feel mocked. Someone there is watching me, my every move, waiting to laugh at my failures or creating traps for me to harm myself in. An animal in a cage, that is what I am.

I have wings of an insect, but they refuse to copy the elegance of a butterfly. Instead, they look crippled, somewhat torn, and of course, they will never lift me up from the ground. They are of a crimson shade, crumpled behind me. Patches of black on these wings and on my pale fur remind me of my fears.

Fire. I stay clear from those flames. I do not remember why I hate them so much, but I become defenseless, hopeless, and small in the inside. Fire is a nightmare to me, unhealthy to my mind and poisonous to my body. The smell of smoke and the spark of a lighter is enough for my sanity to slip.

But I still ponder: Why do I have emotion if my heart does not beat?

Now I'm running for the light in the tunnel but it's just the train
But it's just the train
Yeah I'm looking for the right type of pleasure but all I find is pain
Oh
Now there's no light to guide me on my way home
Now there's no time to shine my rusty halo

It's been a long time coming
It's been a long time,
It's been a long time coming
Yeah it's been a long time
It's been a long time coming
Been so long, but I gotta shine, shine, shine
My rusty halo
Gotta shine my rusty halo
Gotta shine my rusty halo

Rusty Halo - The Script; The Script

Thank you Ize for letting me live here.