Lifestyles of the Affluent and Illustrious: Count Von Roo
COUNT VON ROO'S LAIR - "Hello, Neopians. This is Eeopia the shadow Kougra reporting
for the NTAG(Neopian Times Appreciation Guild) for all the people who don't know
what it stands for. Tonight I shall interview the scary, deadly, and hideous Count
Von Roo. Of course I was being sarcastic. How could a silly Blumaroo dressed up
in a tacky Halloween costume possibly be scary? I've done my research in the Neopedia
though, and I have my Sword Of Skarsden with me in case he even tries to attack
me. If you're asking me why I'm not running out the front door of my Neohome screaming
my lungs out, it's because I'm a darkness mage, and I'm not afraid of some stupid
vampire. I have my Flotsam Sweater on to keep me warm in Count Von Roo's lair,
and Eagle has agreed to fly me over there. In case you're wondering, he's a wind
"Eeopia, I'm ready! Come on! It's colder than Terror Mountain out here!"
"There he is." I walk out of the house and mount Eagle, who takes off into
the air, heading for Roo Island, which is not that far away from Neopia Central.
An hour later we land, Eagle panting like a Lupe.
"I'm going to rest, if you don't mind," he says after a minute of harsh breathing.
"That's alright. I'll go to Von Roo's layer myself. Maybe he'll come out here
and eat you instead of eating me," I smirk, showing my sharp fangs. Eagle's
eyes grow wide and he runs over to me.
"Peadackle," I mutter, and go over to Von Roo's lair. I open the coffin door
and climb down the stone stairs, with Eagle close behind.
"We're here," I say, stepping into a large, yet dimly lit room with a huge
coffin in the middle. I check my blue watch from Virtupets. It reads 12:00 NST.
I put my paw back down and gaze around. Spyderwebs completely litter the dark
corners, but the rest of the room is bare, except for a few wax candles that
"Hello, Von Roo? Are you in here?!" I shout, brushing my bangs out of my yellow
eyes. I don't have my staff with me, but my sword should take care of him if
he tries to hurt me or Eagle.
"VHAT ARE VOU DOING IN VY LAIR!"
"Aaaaahhhhh!" Eagle screams, cowering behind me and shaking like a pet with
no protection from the weather on the top of Terror Mountain.
"I am Eeopia, a darkness mage and I come with my brother, Eagle, who is a
wind mage. Be warned, I am armed and will attack if necessary."
"Vhat do vou want?" he asks quietly. Tch, he IS afraid of me. Coward, but
then again, a darkness mage is one of the strongest mages. The vampire steps
in the light, barely visible, but visible enough for me to see him.
"I need to interview you for the NTAG."
"The vhat?" he inquires, scratching his head with one paw.
"The Neopian Times Appreciation Guild," I explain.
"Vo. Alright, vollow me."
Boy, does this guy need English lessons, I think silently. He leads us to
three Spyder Chairs. I sit in one, Eagle in another next to me, and Von Roo
in one across from us.
"Alright. First of all, what is it like being a vampire?" I question, pulling
out my Striped Notebook and Dark Faerie pen.
"Vmmm. It is vintresting. I vet to sleep all vay, vunless those vesky tourists
are on vhe Island."
Eeopia: How long do you sleep?
Von Roo: All vay until velve o vlock A.M. NST, then I vo back to sleep
at vone A.M. NST.
Eeopia: Do you have a full name?
Von Roo: Vladimar Von Vroo The II.
I write down the results, then resume.
Eeopia: How long have you been alive?
Von Roo: Vone vousand years.
Eeopia: Do you have a favorite food?
Von Roo: Vustard Ice Cream.
Eagle sticks out his tongue and winces, but sits back when Von Roo glares
Eeopia: Do you have any hobbies besides sleeping?
Von Roo: Ves. Vreading books.
Eeopia: Do you have a favorite book?
Von Roo: A Tale Of Two Vupes.
Eeopia: What are your likes and dislikes?
Von Roo: I like vooks, food, and Deadly Dice, and I vislike light and
Eeopia: Do you have any relatives?
Von Roo: King Vroo. Va! I hate him! He stole my vest friend, played
pranks on ve, beat ve at games......
Eeopia: Alright, I get it. How did you come up with the popular game,
Von Roo: Well, I vanted to beat my vrother at something, vo I invented
Eeopia: Your brother invented Dice A Roo, didn't he?
Von Roo: Ves, but I invented Deadly Dice.
Eeopia: That's copying, isn't it?
Von Roo: Vmph! He always comes up with veverything. He doesn't know
I vrigged the dice... Wait! Vou never veard that!
Eeopia: Right. When were you born?
Von Roo: On the six vay of the month of Celebrating, 200 B.N.
Eeopia: Do you have a petpet?
Von Roo: Ves. Spidy the Vyder.
Von Roo picks up a large Spyder from a nearby cobweb, and puts it on his shoulder.
The petpet blinks, then stares at Eagle, who shifts uncomfortably.
Eagle: Eeopia, get that thing away from me.
Eeopia: It's just a Spyder. What did you do to those two Blumaroos
mentioned in the Neopedia?
Von Roo: I....
A blue Blumaroo and a red Blumaroo come down from upstairs.
Blumaroos: Uncle Von Roo!
They then proceed to jump on Von Roo, tackling him to the stone floor.
Eeopia: I suppose this is your nephew and your niece?
Von Roo: Ves. The blue one is Varan and the red one is Vara.
Karan: Do you have a present for us? Hey, who's the funny looking Peadackle?
Eagle: I am not a Peadackle! I'm an Eyrie!
Sara: He's not a Peadackle. He's a Mallard.
Eeopia: I think that's all I need. Bye!
I shut my notebook and walk out into the hallway that leads upstairs, followed
by Eagle, who mumbles something along the lines of "I'm not a Peadackle or a
Mallard." I can still see Von Roo on the floor, held down by his nephew and
Von Roo: Veeelp!
I almost decide to help him, but only grin and turn away, going out the door
and shutting it when Eagle has climbed through.
This is Eeopia and Eagle, signing out.
Author's Note: I hope Von Roo's speech wasn't too hard to understand, but
he is a vampire. Comments are appreciated and I thank my wonderful guild leader
tdyans for letting me do this article.