A Yurble stole my cinnamon roll! Circulation: 81,645,694 Issue: 153 | 16th day of Hiding, Y6
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Potato Counting: Totally Tuberler or Just Plain Boring?


by fantasy_scifi

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MERIDELL - It's the infamous sport. The game that tests your true knowledge of numbers. No, not that boring Maths Nightmare game (it's such a snooze-fest!), I'm talking about Potato Counting here! There's no counting on your fingers in this sport of champions. Today we have with us two competitive potato-lovers: Alton and Rex. They've come to debate the best way to count potatoes- if there is one. So, let's start:

Fantasy: First of all, could you tell me a little bit about yourselves? Alton first, please.

Alton: Well, I'm just an uneducated country boy--

Rex: Nobody's educated, duh! It's not like we have Neoschools or anything!

Fantasy: Please don't interrupt, Rex.

Rex: Sorry, bodacious one.

Alton: Well, like I was saying before somebody interrupted me, *glares at Rex* I grew up in Meridell with my parents and my little sister, Sally. I never got a real education- with books- *glares at Rex again* like some pets, but I developed a fondness for numbers nonetheless. I wanted to share my love of numbers with the world, so I developed the Potato Counting game.

Fantasy: Thank you,Alton. Rex?

Rex: I gotta tell you, babe, I love to skateboard. It's my love, to make yourself one with the board, the wind caressing your face… *goes off into his own little world*

Fantasy: *staring* Uh, so why'd you give up skateboarding for Potato Counting if you loved it so much?

Rex: *snaps out of it* Huh? Oh, well, one day I was boardin' along, mindin' my own business, tryin' to have a little fun, when I see this dumb little yellow Kacheek standin' next to a pile of potatoes. *Alton wrinkles his nose and sticks his tongue out at Rex* There was this long line, and I was thinkin', "This is so totally not rad. Why would people stand in line for potatoes?" I was all curious and stuff, so I got in line. When I finally got to the front, he was like, "How many potatoes do I have?" So I went, "You can't count them yourself?" Then, the little thing went all postal on me. He was like, "It's a game, man!" Then he called me stupid and told me to go home. Not cool, man. *shakes head at Alton*

Alton: *mouth open* I did not!

Rex: Yeah huh!

Alton: Nuh uh!

Rex: Yeah huh!

Fantasy: Okay, that's enough. Rex, please continue.

Rex: Well, anyway, I decided to have my awesome revenge that day. I set up my own Potato Counting stand, which is so much cooler than that loser's!

Alton: *Lip curled back and twitching*

Fantasy: Uh… so Alton, what's your side of the story?

Alton: Well, I was just trying to run my game, when one day this obnoxious yellow Wocky with pink stripes comes up and- hey, isn't pink a girly color? Rex is a giiiiirl! Rex is a giiiiiirl!

Rex: You little rodent! *leaps for Alton*

Fantasy: *stands up* HEY! *Rex falls to the ground mid-leap* I'M TRYING TO DO AN INTERVIEW HERE!!! *Rex shuffles back to his seat, looking ashamed* Now, Alton. You were saying?

Alton: Uh… *stunned* *coughs* He came up to me, and I ask him how many potatoes I have, which is the standard procedure. Now, the rude beast tells me that I must be too dumb to count them myself if I want him to count them. I explained, calmly, that it's a game. Then, he gets all offended and walks off in a huff. He kicked down my pile of potatoes on the way out!

Rex: I remember that. That hurt my toe. Yow.

Alton: Well you deserved it, you beast.

Rex: *unsheaths a claw* And you deserve--

Fantasy: Gentlemen, please!

Rex: *sighs* But he insulted me, man!

Fantasy: You've both been insulting each other. That makes you even. Next question: What makes your Potato Counting game so much better than the other's? Let's try Rex first this time.

Rex: Woah. Mine is so much better because it's like, not boring, man. These radical potatoes fly around, not just sit there, like that other totally boring game. And I've got these awesome carrots and stuff that, like, fly around too. They get all… confusing on you. Duuuude.

Fantasy: *blinks* Oooookay… Alton?

Alton: My game is so much better because it's simpler. Simpler is betterer, I always say. Plus, you can get knocked in the head by those flying potatoes. They're a hazard to Neopiankind! My little sister Sally went over there once to sabot- I mean, play that game, and she was in the hospital for a week with a lump on her head the size of… well, a potato!

Rex: Are you sure that just wasn't her head, man? *sniggers*

Alton: Leave my little sister alone! For your information, she's a lot smarter than you ever will be. *sticks out his tongue*

Rex: *rolls his eyes* What was the question again, dude?

Fantasy: Uh… let's just skip down to the last question, shall we? Alton, why do you think people prefer your game to Rex's?

Alton: Well, there is simply the fact that I am a much more open, friendly, and approachable person than Rex. People look at him and start edging away.

Rex: Hey, what's that supposed to m-- *stifled by Fantasy*

Alton: *continuing* People see me and and feel that they can count in peace, without having to worry about being laughed about behind their backs when they count 15 potatoes instead of 14 or being stabbed by a flyaway earring. Also, my game is something you can play in passing; if you're on the way to Illusen or the Giant Marrow you can stop by for a visit for a couple minutes.

Fantasy: *nods* Rex?

Rex: My game doesn't attract bumpkins like that one. I get all these awesome people who are, like, totally devoted to counting these potatoes. Dudes that like to do the same stuff as me are attracted to my radical personality and my tubular game. It's got, like, levels and stuff, and you can actually play for, like, hours, if you're really good at it, you know? It's a game and not just a passing amusement.

Fantasy: Thank you both for your time.

Alton: No problem.

Rex: Any time, babe.

Alton: I find that offensive.

Rex: What? Babe?

Alton: She's not an infant, for heaven's sake!

Rex: Did I say she was?

Fantasy: *sighs and leaves the room, the two pets wrestling behind her* Well there you have it. Two pets, fueled by long-standing emnity, both totally devoted to their games, duking it out. Which game is better? The original, simple Potato Counter? Or do we have to move on to better things? I guess that's a matter of opinion-- figure it out yourself; I'm tired of dealing with those two.

Author's Note: If this gets in, it'll be my first article ever! It would be really helpful if some of you readers would send me constructive criticism, so that next time I can write a better article. Thanks!

 
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