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Deciphering the Secret Language of the Petpets


by pk_fire14

--------

NEOPIA CENTRAL - How many of you Neopets out there have spent a sleepless night trying to figure out what your Petpet meant when it squealed at you or hissed at you right before you tucked it in? Come on, hands up...(or if you’re a Buzz, mandibles up)... yeah, I thought so. Understanding what your Petpet is saying can be very difficult if you don’t know what you’re doing. Fortunately, there is a pattern to their seemingly randomly-generated reactions. Like any nonverbal language, most of a Petpet's outbursts or actions have an equivalent translation to real life. For example, a Petpet gnawing off your hand (or mandible) will probably translate to something like, "You should have fed me three hours ago" or "That's some good hand!"

If only the reactions were all this easy to interpret, but many Petpets are forced to use smaller reactions due to certain cultural laws and physical impossibilities. (Can you imagine a Pet Rock trying to bite your arm off?) And so, Neopets the world over have decided that it’s no use trying to understand them, as they simply are not self-aware of the world around them. Wrong! Petpet language can be interpreted as follows. Simply clip out this handy-dandy reference guide, attach it to your Neofridge (if you are painted Robot, you can attach it to your torso,) and refer to it whenever you can’t understand what your dear little Snorkle is saying.

Assuming that you have a Snorkle. Which you probably don’t. But this guide should work for any Petpet so, no worries!

***

*Your Petpet sticks out its tongue.

TRANSLATION: “Your odor is highly offensive. Please bathe immediately.” (NOTE: If your Petpet is a Greeble, it is saying “I want to catch that fly up in the air...and your odor is STILL terrible”)

 

*Your Petpet makes a strange clicking noise.

TRANSLATION: “I am covered in Mootix larvae.”

 

*Your Petpet hiccups.

TRANSLATION: “I have the hiccups.”

 

*Your Petpet makes a noise that sounds exactly like a hiccup, but isn’t.

TRANSLATION: “I do not have the hiccups.”

 

*Your Petpet squeals.

TRANSLATION: "There is a large axe-wielding Grundo standing behind you.”

 

*Your Petpet squeals ‘AAIIIIIIIEEE!’

TRANSLATION: "There are two medium-sized axe-wielding Grundos standing behind you.”

 

*Your Petpet doesn’t say anything.

TRANSLATION: “My brains have turned into Blueberry Cheese right now...please stand by.”

 

*Your Petpet says ‘Chrrrrpp chrrrrp.’

TRANSLATION: “Why are there so many games where Petpets get eaten?”

 

*Your Petpet purrs softly.

TRANSLATION: “Soon Phase Four of our Master Plan will be complete, and we Petpets shall rule the Planet! Hee-hee-hee!” (NOTE: ‘Hee-hee-hee’ is not nearly as sinister in English as it is in the Petpet language.)

 

*Your Petpet hisses at you...HHISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

TRANSLATION: “Help me! I have a leak in my air sac!”

 

*Your Petpet blinks and nothing else.

TRANSLATION: “That’s it! You have forgotten to feed me for the last time! I challenge you to a single combat duel... to the death! Hey! Stop picking me up and stroking me! Stop that! Grrrrr....”

 

*Your Petpet jumps up in the air and lands with a thud.

TRANSLATION: “Well... it seems the law of gravity is still in effect.”

 

*Your Petpet hops wildly around the room.

TRANSLATION: “Let’s destroy something expensive!” (NOTE: This is especially valid if you own a Spyke or a Melton, or is an odd gesture if your Petpet can only survive in a small glass bowl.)

 

*Your Petpet says ‘Brrrflp.’

TRANSLATION: “I think your Tomato and Cheese omelette has been poisoned. But nobody asks me. I’m just a Petpet.”

 

*Your Petpet suddenly does a Borovan impersonation.

TRANSLATION: “Congratulations! You have earned the Asparableh Avatar!”

 

*Your Petpet stands on one leg for a couple of seconds.

TRANSLATION: “Look... I'm serious... I really have to go...”

 

*Your Petpet wiggles its ears.

TRANSLATION: “My ears are cuter than your ears. Ha!”

 

*Your Petpet makes a ghastly moaning noise!

TRANSLATION: “What does the word ‘ghastly’ mean?”

 

*Your Petpet makes a loud moaning noise!

TRANSLATION: “I don’t need the word ‘ghastly’ anyway!”

 

*Your Petpet smiles sweetly.

TRANSLATION: “I just shredded your prized Blue Kacheek Group T-Shirt.”

 

*Your Petpet’s eyes glow purple.

TRANSLATION: “I think I’m being possessed by Jhudora.”

 

*Your Petpet’s eyes glow red.

TRANSLATION: “I think I’m being possessed by that mean Fire Faerie from Mystery Island.”

 

*Your Petpet’s eyes glow white, then blue, then white again, then spotted and finally rainbow.

TRANSLATION: “I think I’m being possessed by the Fountain Faerie.”

 

*Your Petpet hovers in the air and then lands.

TRANSLATION: “Well, the law of gravity seems to be weakening”

 

*Your Petpet licks its lips.

TRANSLATION: “I’d bet you’d taste good on rye.”

 

*Your Petpet bites your ear.

TRANSLATION: “No, whole wheat would be better.”

 

*Your Petpet starts to hiss and snarl.

TRANSLATION: “I feel good-tempered today.”

 

*Your Petpet says ‘Mmmmrmrrrrmrmmr.’

TRANSLATION: “Someone glued my jaws together!” (NOTE: If your Petpet is a member of the No-Jaws class, then this translates to ‘I wish I could evolve jaws.’)

 

*Your Petpet says ‘Cooooo.’

TRANSLATION: “Soon I will attack the kneecaps of-”

 

*Your Petpet says ‘Cooooo [YOUR NAME].’

TRANSLATION: This one doesn’t take a genius to figure out.

 

*Your Petpet growls really menacingly.

TRANSLATION: “Why aren’t you sending pk_fire14 all your neopoints?”

 

*Your Petpet walks around the room with arms outstretched.

TRANSLATION: “I’m just practicing maneuvering in the dark so I’ll be prepared when we’re swallowed by the Snowager.”

 

*Your Petpet turns into a puff of smoke, and then turns back to normal.

TRANSLATION: “Pay more attention to me, or else I’ll torch the sofa.”

***

That’s the extent of this version of the translation. I’m sure that in no time you and your Petpet will be chatting away like long lost brothers...or at the very least, old school chums. If I missed any expressions, just neomail me, and then I’ll bundle them all into a collection and publish another excuse for a trophy...I mean, article.

(WARNING: The author assumes no liability for any Petpet-related injuries inflicted during conversation with Petpets; do so at your own risk.)

Keep an eye out for pk_fire14’s forthcoming article Deciphering the Secret Language of the Petpetpets

 
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