Dear Roxy: R Before S
In the alphabet, the letter R always will come before S. Roxy shall always
come before Sloth. Roxy shall always be first and Sloth shall always be second.
Don't you just love the alphabet?
ROXY'S DESK-First of all, Slothy's last article was full of lies. We never
went to high school together; I wasn't alive when Sloth went to high school.
He went to high school back in the days of the chisel and stone tablet and I
am not talking about Tyrannia. In fact, I highly doubt Slothy graduated. I heard
he has horrible math skills and failed his Algebra. Hey Slothy, I have a little
math problem for you. If R equals an adorable, Striped Shoyru that can offer
advice and S equals a badly dressed mastermind who can't offer advice. Which
variable has the greater value? Slothy, did you figure it out? I don't have
all day…I can't wait three hours for an answer. Well, the answer is R > S. Get
it right, Slothy, dear?
Second of all, I don't neomail anyone with bright magenta font. Magenta is
so not in this summer, pink is in. Third, I am qualified to give advice more
than Sloth is. I have been giving advice all my life, I am certified genius
and I graduated top of my class in high school and college. Frankie, why should
they listen to you when you can't even solve for X? I always know what X is.
Fourth, I wear clothes, dear. Get your facts straight, I don't frolic about
naked. I can't say the something about you though; I heard that you were a frequent
visitor to those nude beaches.
I am all for an advice war, Slothy. I'm not afraid of you. I've never been
the type to fly off when a challenge is thrown my way and I will not flee now.
I will face you head on. I just hope you know what you are getting into. You
might be able to handle an army of goons all with IQs less than two but I'm
not one of your goons. I am one feisty Shoyru filled with fire and spirit. The
question is... can you handle this?
I think it is so funny when you rip on Doctor Sloth. Could you do it some more?
Dear Sloth Hater:
How could I ignore the request of a fan? The introduction was for you and for
the record, Slothy started it!
Dear Roxy: Lately, my brother has been very mean to me. He never lets
me go into his room, say hi to his friends, or go any where with him! He used
to let me do all those things, but lately he won't. I don't know what happened!
We're not as close as we used to be!
-A Very Hurt Little Lupe
Dear A Very Hurt Little Lupe:
Don't be sad. Its not that your brother is mean, he is just growing up. He
just wants to have his own space and time with his friends. He isn't acting
this way because he doesn't like you; it is just that your brother wants time
for himself. This happens when you grow up and I am sure your brother doesn't
mean to be cruel to you. Tell him that you don't like his hurtful actions towards
you and that you'd prefer that you could be closer like you used to. You could
probably set aside special time once a week where you two can walk in the park
or play a sport, some real quality time together. Your brother will still probably
tell you to stay out of your room but you need to respect his wishes because
that is his room. If you have younger siblings, you will get to the same point
your brother is feeling now. It is just all part of growing up, your brother
will realize quickly though family is always there. So don't be sad, keep your
chin up high. You can't beat time and growing up.
Dear Roxy: I recently got a Random Event; it was from the Grundo Leader.
Now, when you hear Grundo Leader, you immediately picture this big strong guy,
correct? Well, he's pink. Reason?
-Suzie Who Sells Seashells in the Seashell Shack
Dear Suzie Who Sells Seashells in the Seashell Shack:
I was surprised to hear this, too. Out of the hundred of flunkies Sloth has
only one has fashion sense, I guess it's better than zero.
Why does the Snowager always blast ice at me? He is mean and has bad breath.
How do I make him stop?
-A Cold Kougra
Dear A Cold Kougra:
What did you expect from the Snowager? A warm plate of cookies from straight
out of the oven as a bonus gift as a reward from trying to steal from him? If
you were trying to steal from me, I'd do something far worse than blast you
What would you do for an ice cream bar? Besides, coughing up the money to buy
-A Fan of Sugary Dairy Treats
Dear A Fan of Sugary Dairy Treats:
I wouldn't do anything. I like ice cream but I am not going to dance around
like a moron or should I say Dr. Frank Sloth to get one. Now, if it was Borovan,
you might see me do some crazy stuff for some Borovan.
You have a guest room, right? Well, I was wondering if it is possible for my
Neopets to move in with you and your family.
Dear Renter's Insurance:
The guest bedrooms are constantly in use, they are hardly ever empty. My owner's,
Kudio's and my friends from the Neopian Times Offices are always crashing there.
Queenie has regular friends from Mystery Island and Battledome challengers that
spend the night. We cannot forget the kids that come over for one of my owner's
famous parties and end up staying the night. Well, the rooms are always in use
so it would be impossible for us to give one to you. Besides, do I even know
Really, I'm a big fan of yours and was wondering about your most recent article.
What made Troxy into taking over the world? Like, what did the Frank person
-Gurgles With Yurbles
Dear Gurgles With Yurbles:
I am not really sure what happened to Troxy. She has always had a major attitude
and was feisty. I don't think this Frank person really did much besides encourage
her. This Frank seems more incompetent than Dr. Frank Sloth, so, really I doubt
we have anything to worry about. They might have plans for world domination
but chances of the plans actually working are very slim to none.
I really want to get rid this certain blue Shoyru. Could you tell me the best
way to do this?
Oh, Slothy, how nice of you to write me. I am sorry but your clever little
alias gave you away. For a genius, I figured you'd come up with something better
than using your first name. It is so sweet that you'd come to me for advice
but I must warn you that you can't get rid of a Shoyru, ever, especially a Striped
one, I mean a Blue one.
My friend is on a trip and I can't stop thinking about her! How do I get her
out of my head?
Dear Can't Forget:
It is all right for you to miss your friend and what you're feeling is perfectly
normal. If you want to get your mind off your friend, keep yourself occupied.
You should go play outside or a sport, work on a new project, if you're busy
than your mind is too busy to think about your friend. Don't worry, they will
be home soon and I bet they are thinking of you, too.
My Neohome is really, really messy. It's terrible! What should I do?
Dear Miss Livesinamess:
Uh, how about you clean it?
Where did your owner buy the paintbrush to paint you?
-I Want To Paint My Cute Aisha
Dear I Want To Paint My Cute Aisha:
My owner won it as a random prize from The Storytelling Contest.
Would you rather be stuck on a desert island with Sloth or a horde of rabid
-The Meepit Queen
Dear The Meepit Queen:
None of the above, thank you! I'd want to be stuck on a desert island with
a boat, a cute bathing suit, some sun tan lotion and an endless supply of tropical
I noticed there are no other advice columns. Would you mind if I was an advice
Dear Anna Advice:
There is another inferior advice column run by Dr. Frank Sloth on the innocent
plushieowner's account. There are already two advice columns for The Neopian
Times and Slothy, the Editor Snowflake and I feel that two is plenty. Sorry!
If giving advice is what you want to do, there are other places you can do it.
You can help others on chat boards, guilds or through Neomail.
I need help with my shop. It seems no matter what I put in it, no one will
buy anything! I've tried magic items to foods and nothing works.
-Princess Needs Help
Dear Princess Needs Help:
First of all, you need to make sure your prices are reasonable. Do your research
on the Shop Wizard and make sure your prices are low, not outrageously low because
you still need to make a profit. You can't have too high either because people
aren't going to buy an apple from you for 500 NP when they can get one from
one of your competitors for 300 NP. Second of all, advertisement! Post ads for
your shop on the appropriate boards, don't over post your shop ad because people
will not visit want a spammer. If you follow those two steps your shop till
should be filled in no time.
I'm a male Lupe and I have a girly Angelpuss as a petpet. I am afraid that
other pets will tease me. I love my Angelpuss and don't want to exchange her
for something else. Please help.
-A Worried Lupe
Dear A Worried Lupe:
Excuse me but when did Angelpi become girly? Have you ever met Troxy? She is
nothing close to girly. My crazy Angelpuss is bent on world domination and there
is nothing girly about that. If the other kids tease you, just ignore them because
they have no idea what they are talking or Troxy can pay them a visit. I may
not like my petpet at times but Troxy does know how to teach some bullies a
Remember readers: R is always before S, wear sun block, Slothy is a bad dresser,
Roxy is number one and Angelpi are not girly. Thank you and always come to the
honest Shoyru for advice rather than the liar, Slothy.
To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail
to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate with proper spelling and
grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate, tasteless, and
repeated messages will be deleted, so please don't waste your and my time. Please
don't send problems that have already been solved by Roxy. Due to an overwhelming
amount of messages, Roxy cannot answer all the messages. All messages are subjected
to editing and can be published. So don't submit something if you don't want
to see it in the Neopian Times.