Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 81,443,838 Issue: 150 | 23rd day of Swimming, Y6
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The Anniversary Edition Neopinglish Dictionary


by stoneman3x

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In honor of the 150th edition of the Neopian Times, I have returned to give you yet another pointless and annoying installment of my Neopinglish Dictionary. For those of you who managed to avoid reading the other five parts of the Neopinglish Dictionary, I will now explain what Neopinglish is:

Neopinglish: The Neopian language that vaguely resembles English, but is still a unique language all on its own. Kind of like American chatspeak.

DEFINITIONS

Battle Quill: A cool Neopian item that you can use to combat the dark, evil, sinister forces of writer's block.

"Coming soon to Neopia": This popular Neopets World Page phrase, translated into traditional English, means "In about two years".

Commander Garoo: Let me put it this way: General Kass started out as one of Lord Darigan's top minions. If I were Dr. Sloth, I'd be very nervous right now.

Darigan Citadel Engine Room: Wait a sec-- You mean the city ISN'T held up by MAGIC??? Oh, I'm crushed. I'm really crushed. What's next? They are going to tell us that Lord Darigan is a good guy afterall? Yeah, riiiiiiiight. Thank goodness THAT ain't gonna happen. Wait a sec-- ARRRGGGHHH!

Deadly Dice: (1) A free way to lose pet levels without having to use the outrageously expensive Lab Ray to lose pet levels. (2) Another name for Bilge Dice.

Destruct-O-Match: What happens when your opponent fails to show up for your Multi-player Competition Kacheekers game six days in a row and then makes one move on the last day.

Dung Sink: Or does dung float?

Earth Faerie Eraser: Illusen asking for a million Neopoint item for one of her quests? Have we got a handy little item for you! Erases those annoying Earth Faeries that give out expensive random quests that only bloat your pet too!

Escape From Meridell: A complicated game in which you have to guide a Draik through different levels in order to get him out of the castle, when all you have to do is click on the Meridell Castle map and he's out. In fact, he's not just out of the castle, he's in the middle of the moat.

Faerie Cloud Racers: A very misleading game in Faerieland. I have looked all over this thing and I haven't found any clouds racing each other. *squints harder* Nope. I still don't see any clouds racing each other. What's up with this?

Grey Faerie: A really depressed faerie that wears tattered clothes. Queen Fyora held auditions for a new faerie and the Grey Faerie won the position over the other two contestants. They were the Dung Faerie and the Snot Faerie.

Kass: A pile of ashes that can't decide if it is a lord or a general.

Kreludan Homes: This is actually the furniture shop on Kreludor despite the fact you can't build a Neohome on Kreludor. This is a perfect example of how dim-witted Grundos are, and why Dr. Sloth loves them so much.

Leather Kau Helmet: Since leather is made out of cows, in order for this weapon to fit properly on a Kau's head, she has to make it out of her own scalp.

Lord Kass Quill: A Neopian item that proves Kass is still alive. Darigan turned into Mr. Scary when he was defeated. Kass simply turned into Mr. Moulting.

Lupe Meat Dishes: A book that tells you how to make meals out of Lupes. Obviously written by a Chia.

Malevolent Sentient Plushie Poogle: A thoroughly evil creature created by combining the two most hideous and frightening things in Neopia: a Poogle and a plushie Neopet.

Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie (TCG): Not to be confused with a "Malevolent Sentient Plushie Poogle", but is confused with a "Malevolent Sentient Plushie Poogle" anyway.

Master Vex: One game level up from Expert Vex.

Melted Chocolate Negg: Obviously the Snowager has been sitting on this thing too long. I'm not really sure how this temperature thing works with neggs. If an Icy Negg sells for 5,000 Neopoints, and a Cool Negg sells for 500,000 Neopoints, why doesn't the Melted Chocolate Negg sell for 5 million Neopoints?

Morguss: A General Kass minion that proves that Moehogs do not make very convincing females.

Neoboards: Something that you write on with Neochalk, but since there is no Neoschool yet, what's the Neo-point?

Neocola Token: A coin that can only be used on the moon of Kreludor, and is only good in the Neocola machine there. A can of Neocola: 150 Neopoints. A Neocola Token: 20,000 Neopoints. I think we have figured out how Dr. Sloth plans to finance his next invasion of Neopia.

Neopium: A basic element molecule in the game Chemistry For Beginners that makes the Turmaculus sleep 23 hours a day.

Nosh-O-Matic: (1) Official name of the Alien Vending Machine, (2) Any Skeith that is famished at the same time that you have anything of value in your item box.

Pea Chia Pop: Without a paint brush, and simply by feeding this your Chia, you can turn him into a round, green... petpet.

Plushie Poogle Plushie: A toy made for people who are too lazy to look up the words "malevolent" and "sentient" in a real dictionary.

Poisonous Jelly: A one Neopoint way to get a 10,000 Neopoint disease.

Pootato: What that grumpy old King Skarl gives you if he did NOT like your joke.

Ring of Sloth: A lovely accessory to go with your necklace of Sloth, bracelet of Sloth and earrings of Sloth.

Secret Avatar: What everyone goes insane trying to get six dozen of, despite the fact that you can only use ONE.

Super Attack Pea: It's a Buzzer! It's a Pteri! No, it's Super Attack Pea!

The Tax Beast: A green guy that shows up in a random event to take a percentage of your Neopoints away to support the next Neopian invasion effort. More commonly known as "Dr. Sloth".

The Three: Three bizarre, completely unexplained characters found in the "Battle For Meridell" plot. Also known as Morguss, The Lupe-Catching Faerie and-- the Narrator. I especially want to know who the Narrator was. Who had access to BOTH the court of King Skarl and the Darigan Citadel in order to tell us what was going on? Come to think of it, has anyone seen that Zafara Double Agent lately?

Trouble At The National Neopian: A game in which you win simply by remembering to collect your interest BEFORE you deposit any Neopoints.

Turmac Roll: A bouncing, berry-filled petpet, served on a fresh sesame seed bun.

Tyrannian Meerca: The only Tyrannian pet that not only comes armed with a weapon, but has the ability to terrify a Pirate Lupe. Three words: Chuck the spear! Chuck the spear! Chuck the spear! Okay, okay... so that's NINE words.

Wheel of Monotony: A nifty new shortcut to the Lair of the Beast. The only drawback is that this nifty new shortcut costs 100 Neopoints and it takes you three hours to get there.

World Events: A page listing Neopia-shaking monthly events that hasn't been updated since Eyries were Tatsus. Despite the fact that it is called "World" events, most of these events don't seem to go any farther than the Money Tree.

Your Diary: A very nifty and useful Neopets feature that allows you to keep track of dates on your very own personal calendar. Yeah, I've been playing two and a half years and I haven't gone near it either. Hint to General Population: Check your Neomail options. Hint to Neostaff: A great Mystery Pic no one in Neopia will ever guess.

Zombified Peasants: 25,000 of them were released during the Battle For Meridell. These war-crazed zombies immediately raced to the shops on the first day the Giant Spyders appeared and actually paid 2,000 Neopoints apiece for Bubbling Healing Goo and Sticky Snowballs. Only 25,000? Funny, it seemed like more to me.

What? That's it? That's all we get? Yup. Until next time...

Special thanks to the following people for their suggestions: Articuno_neo, Backfromtheiceland, Cebu_that_meows, Chaos_jess, Chipster33, Comedian872001, Erileen, Fantasy_scifi, Frostcrystal, Holycow81, Imayasha, Jerk_head, Lemmykoopa300, Marilltachiquin, Meggiemufin, Meowth4, Mrs_fluff, Neo_tomi, Oily106, Plushieowner, Precious_katuch14, Random_joy, Resurrectedwarrior, Ridergirl333, Rmuecke, Shimmering_aurora, Simsman24000, Spirit_wolf72, Tennmagpie, Theonlyjessica, The_wanderer128, Tracypaper12 and Weyrladyjeskann.

 
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