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Completely Harmless: Crossover

by potatorewkiki


It's been a while since a young white Uni narrowly escaped Dr. Sloth's evil plan to turn many pets into mutants by giving out free lab ray passes and her friends and family helped her get out of that mess. Thankfully, these characters haven't changed. Well, not very much.

      "Uh… YOU OVER THERE!" a tall, cloaked figure called to a little green Grundo standing in the hall. "COME OVER HERE!" The pet rushed to his master's side.

      "What does 'S-O-A-P' spell?" Dr. Sloth questioned, not aware of how incredibly pathetic that question was. The Grundo did nothing more than raise his eyebrows, although he was very close to exploding into laughter at the clueless villain.

      "Eh, it's 'soap', sir," he responded, doing his best not to chuckle. Sloth narrowed his eyes and groaned; as he saw the expression on the Grundo's face.

      "Yeah, well, thanks, whoever you are," he said, only half smiling. The green pet rolled his eyes.

      "It's Senerro," he mumbled as he spun around and skipped away.

      Dr. Sloth paused for a moment, staring at the paper he held in his hands. It was a letter from his good friend the Pant Devil, saying some nonsense about soap having the power to take over the world. Sloth smiled that wicked grin of his, thinking of how dumb that sounded. On the other hand, he realized that he had nothing to lose.

      Heh, so the Pant Devil says that soap has the power to take over the world? That's actually funny! But… wait… what if it's TRUE? he thought. He paced around the room, his long black cloak dragging on the floor and the very few hairs on his bare head stuck straight up. The machinery surrounding him was mostly created by Frank Sloth himself. Lights were flashing, and unusual noises were coming from everywhere.

      Upon Sloth's face bloomed a broad smile as he finally made up his mind. Why not? His plan was simply brilliant as well. Not that he actually had one… yet. So, one could say that his plan is guaranteed to be. Yep, I believe that would work.

      "Senerro!" he called. "I actually need your help once again." The disgruntled Grundo grumbled from outside and stalked back into the large room.

      "What do you need now, sir?" he asked, quietly. Dr. Sloth looked up, with a hopeful smile on his face.

      "Do you think that soap could possibly hold the power to conquer Neopia?" he asked, not making eye contact with the little green pet beside him.

      "Um… I guess it's possible. Why?" Dr. Sloth then shot a bad look at him with narrowed eyes.

      "Do you think if I raided the Grooming Parlour they would have a good supply of it?" the creature said, in deep thought.

      "If you went with someone who would help a bit. I'm thinking of someone who would know the place well enough, plus they are gullible so that they will agree to assist you." The doctor sighed.

      How am I to find someone like THAT? he thought, feeling a bit hopeless. He recounted when he convinced many pets to use the Lab Ray and become mutant; yet that noteworthy plan was spoiled by that pesky white Uni. That pestering, bothersome, nosy Pricsesa. At the thought of her, a smile broke out on Sloth's face. Ah yes, Pricsesa, and her little friend and her brother… her little friend Lassalu.

      That was it! Surely Lassalu would agree to help, and, besides, he could always promise her whatever fashion supplies she would want! Dr. Sloth smirked. After all, they WERE going to raid the Grooming Parlour. His eyes shot over to Senerro.

      "Get me an envelope, a blank piece of paper, a pen, and a stamp with my picture on it. Oh, and some coffee in an 'I Heart Sloth!' cup! It's all about me: the future dominator of the WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHA!" the doctor barked. Senerro gave a small moan as he slowly inched away from the self-centered Sloth to retrieve the desirable supplies that the power-hungry villain needed.


"Pricsesa!" called a rainbow Usul. "Guess what? Guess what?" A tired Uni stepped down the stairs of her house, stretching her arms and wiping her eyes. She looked down at the figure standing in her front door.

      "Oh, yeah, Lassalu, c'mon in," she said, in a low, boring voice. This pet was NOT a morning person… obviously! Her best friend hopped in, waving a paper in the air. On it was a few lines of sloppy handwriting and a messy signature in big, bold print. It read: Dr. Frank Sloth.

      No matter how much sleep she had lost, no matter how exhausted she was, Pricsesa couldn't help but to yell at her friend. "HOW CAN YOU WALK INTO MY HOUSE HOLDING A LETTER ADDRESSED TO YOU FROM SLOTH AND BE HAPPY?! HOW? TELL ME, HOW?" Her eyes widened, and she was in panic.

      "Um, I moved my legs towards your house, raised my hand, knocked on the door, and held the letter in my hand. Oh, and I was smiling. That's how I could be happy," Lassalu explained, not knowing that that was not the answer her friend was looking for. Priscesa scowled at her.

      "Do you happen to remember a certain little lab ray incident from earlier this year?" the white Uni asked, fearful for her friend's welfare. But Lassalu just stared, puzzled by Pricsesa and her recurring questionings.

      "Okay, let me see that letter!" Pricsesa hissed, snatching the parchment from the Usul.

Lassalu-- 12th Day of Hiding, Year 5

I was sent a letter from that pant devil guy. He said that the power of soap could help me take over the world! So I'm going to raid the Grooming Parlour at 6:00 NST on the 15th day of Hiding (in three days). Please come and assist me -- your help is needed very much. In return, I promise you anything you'd like from the parlour.

See you there!

Dr. Frank Sloth

      As soon as Pricsesa finished reading the note, a smile blossomed on her face.

      "Lassalu! That's hilarious! He even concluded it the same way he finished off on the fake lab ray tickets: 'See you there!' What a treat!" she chuckled, shaking her head in enjoyment. Lassalu raised her eyebrows, wondering why Pricsesa was laughing.

      "What's so funny?" the Usul asked. Her friend narrowed her eyes and slowly stepped closer to Lassalu, until their faces were merely inches apart.

      "Tell me you are not going to help him. Tell me that right now!" ordered Pricsesa.

      "But then I'd be lying!" Lassalu whimpered. A whine came from the white Uni. She exhaled some air and shook the paper in front of Lassalu's face.

      "Well, why help if we can prevent?" Pricsesa pointed out, trying to suggest an alternative plan.

      "BUT I WANT THOSE GROOMING SUPPLIES!" Lassalu exclaimed. She pounded her fists on the railway of the stairs.

      "NO! I won't let you get yourself in trouble, nor will Retta or Dugnorf!" Lassalu sighed, and sat down on a wooden bench.

      "So what are we gonna do instead?" she asked.

      "Like I said, we'll use the information he gave us to prevent this from happening. That was a stupid theory of his anyways. Typical of him to think that some useless artifact like soap could help him take over Neopia. Some evil genius he is!" Pricsesa explained, with a determined look on her face.

      "Is Dugnorf helping us?" the Usul questioned.

      "NO! NO, NO, NO! He ALWAYS helps us! This is our chance to prove that we don't need him!" Pricsesa retorted.

      "But we do need him, Pricsesa," Lassalu forewarned.

      "Eheh… yeah, but we can try without his assistance!" the Uni admitted, sheepishly.

      "Whatever you say!" Lassalu gave in, not quite sure what else to do.

      "We begin our plan… tomorrow!" declared Pricsesa.


Lassalu awoke to the squeaking of her bedroom door. She stretched her arms and gave a long held-out yawn. Sliding off the edge of her bed and landing on the floor with a disrupting thump, the rainbow Usul stood up and ran down the hallway and stairs, through the front door, and across the street to Pricsesa's house. The doorbell rang and she waited patiently for someone to answer. Soon enough, the door was swung open by a shadow Moehog.

      "LASSALU! I didn't know you were still home! I'm supposed to be watching you and Pricsesa, and she told me that you were with her in her room!" her brother, Dugnorf, exclaimed frantically. His sister sighed.

      "Oh, Pricsesa!" Lassalu called. The white Uni pranced halfway down the stairs, motioning for her friend to follow her back up. Dugnorf glared at Pricsesa, and reluctantly stomped off into the kitchen.

      Pricsesa pushed Lassalu onto her bed and closed the door. The window shades were down, so the room was completely pitch black.

      "Okay, I think I have a plan!" the Uni exclaimed. Lassalu put on an uncertain face, but it couldn't be seen by her friend in the dark.

      "Uh, cool," she said.

      "What's wrong?" Pricsesa asked, walking over to Lassalu and trying to find the bed. Instead, she tripped over her clothes hamper. The Usul in front of her giggled.

      "Nothing!" Lassalu responded, promptly.

      "All right! Now, we shall initiate the plan…" the white Uni began. "Here are the facts: Dr. Sloth is planning to raid the Grooming Parlour at 6:00 PM, Neopian Standard Time. He will head towards the storage room, to the third section in which they keep their soap. We know that he will be alone, making his plan much easier to foil." Her friend nodded, paying close attention to each and every little detail.

      "We shall set forth on our journey at 5:30 -- giving us plenty of time to travel to Neopia Central on foot. Um, yeah. That's all I know." She glanced at the door, as it was abruptly pulled another few centimeters open. Not minding that, she gave a reluctant sigh and turned back to the shadowed figure who was bound to be Lassalu.

      "That's all? Eesh, we are so doomed," admitted the rainbow Usul.

      Outside of the door stood Dugnorf, who was leaning against cream colored exterior bedroom wall. He grinned, seeing how terrible their plot was so far. But as much as he didn't want to help them, he had this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He needed to help them. He couldn't just stand there, knowing that he could become the cause of Lassalu and Pricsesa coming out unsuccessful and looking like total failures.


Behind a shop of a bright pink tint stood a Uni and an Usul. Pricsesa had had her owner put up her dazzling, silky white mane in a large, elegant braid earlier that day, and she wore a pink Usuki T-shirt, as did her companion. She had a sense of determination -- that look in her shining blue eyes that just made her seem like her spirited self once again. Lassalu, on the other hand, didn't look that confident in what she was doing.

      "Pricsesa, what are we gonna do now?" she asked, her tone of voice hinting to how worried she was about encountering Sloth with a good-for-nothing plan and am Usuki T-shirt on.

      "We're going to enter the building. The door labeled: 'Storage 3'. Just turn around and go through that door," the Uni ordered. Lassalu spun around and slowly inched the heavy white door open. Pricsesa tiptoed behind her, examining her surroundings carefully, her eyes widened and ears in alert. The ceiling was high, most likely as high as a two story house, and there were filled up cardboard boxes on shelves everywhere around them. It seemed like they were in one half of a dome, meaning that the actual store part of the structure was the other half.

      "Hello?" Pricsesa called at a normal volume. Her voice echoed throughout the spacious area. The two pets heard footsteps, then a box dropping to the floor, and a clutter of small noises in the background.

      "Well, well, well…" said a creepy voice of a person who was definitely up to no good and having fun being like that. He strode slowly towards Lassalu, with folded arms and an evil grin implanted upon his pale green face.

      "Um, Mr. Evil Guy, my friend here and I need to talk outside for just one moment," the frightened rainbow Usul interrupted. "Okay? All righty then." And she dashed to the door that the two girls came in through, grabbing Pricsesa's arm and dragging her out there as well. On either side of them were tall green bushes, about a foot taller than Pricsesa, and nearly six inches from where both of their feet stood was the end of the doorstep. They were huddled together; the Uni confused and the Usul frantic in worry.

      "WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'RE DOING, PRICSESA!" Lassalu hissed at her friend. Pricsesa raised her eyebrows, glanced to the door, and then gave a hopeless sigh.

      "We're doomed, Lassalu," she admitted. A rustle came from the bushes.

      "No, you're not," a shadow Moehog revealed to them, stepping out from in the leaves. "I listened to your little talk the other day, and decided to come here just in case you goofed off. Which you did." His sister smiled a wide, promising smile, and embraced him in a sweet, thankful hug. As soon as Dugnorf managed to push Lassalu away from him, he gave his idea to the two clueless girls.

      "My plan is really quite simple. You two go stall Sloth. Do whatever you can, I don't care. As long as it will keep him busy long enough so that I can tell the manager of this place to notify the Defenders of Neopia. Okay?" Lassalu and Pricsesa nodded. "Good. Now, you two do your part." His sister glanced to her friend with a now-confident expression, and casually opened the door and skipped over to Sloth.

      "Hiya, Slothy! Okay, I like totally brought my like uber uber spiffy friend here to like help us out! Her like name is Pricsesa and she is like totally awesome!" Lassalu shrieked in a fake, high-pitched voice. Pricsesa giggled.

      "Sorry there, Sloth, that you have to live with me for the next couple of minutes. Rest assured, as for when you exit this building with your almighty boxes of soap bars you will be Sir Almost Dominator of Neopia. Early congratulations," Pricsesa apologized with bits of sarcasm stuck into it.

      "No, no, I don't mind you here. I must say, though, that I'm having a bit of a problem picking what sort of soap to use," the evil doctor replied.

      "Well, If I had to pick a type of soap, I'd go for mostly bar soaps. They aren't… not bars of soap -- that's a good quality!" the white Uni explained, even though she didn't know what she was talking about. Sloth stood still for a moment, obviously trying to make that make sense to him. He eventually gave up and gave Pricsesa an odd look to show that she had befuddled him.

      "Boo-yah! Where's my award?" she exclaimed, grinning as she jumped up into the air.

      "What award?" Sloth asked, scratching his forehead as he tried to recall something the Uni had done to deserve an award. Pricsesa groaned.

      "I was joking, referring to the fact that I just confused Dr. Sloth, that really well known evil villain that everyone talks about. And that would be you. You're supposed to be really clever and smart, you know."

      "He is?" Lassalu inquired.

      "I am?" inquired Sloth, raising his eyebrows. Pricsesa then rolled her eyes, until she caught the sight of a halfway opened door on the other side of the room where a defender and Dugnorf were talking. As she smirked with delight, she answered the doctor's question.

      "YES! Yes, Sloth, you ARE supposed to be smart! In fact, if you were truly as smart as you were supposed to be, you wouldn't have told us to come here if we could reject your offer and tell those Neopian defenders behind you that you would be here," the Uni retorted. Lassalu grinned at her, glancing back to the completely shocked yet mindless Sloth.

      "Sometimes," she whispered to her friend, "it's kinda cool to be this gullible. I mean, who knew that soap was completely harmless?"

The End

Author's Note: This was a short story crossover, and I used the character's of chipster33's wonderful 8-part 'Lab Ray' series. I thank her for allowing me to use these pets in this story, and I also thank the people who organized this exciting short story crossover. You all rock! Thanks to you as well for reading, and I'd love if you could take a little time to Neomail me what you thought of this story. Thanks! ~Potatorewkiki

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