Neo-Pointless: A Trip To The Tooth Faerie

***

As usual each morning me and my pets were having a quiet breakfast as my blue Aisha, Twilightning, walked up to me and broke the silence,

      She didn't even put off saying it like I would, but just cut right to chase in such a harsh tone it would have made stampeding Kaus stop in their tracks. "You need a dentist appointment." She was like that. Always the boss. I began Neopets to get away from the constant bickering of my mother, only to create my mom's carbon copy in the form of a Neopet.

      "I do?" I asked with my mouth full. Acting was my specialty. Of course, I didn't have to act to seem like an idiot.

      "Yes. If you haven't noticed lately your braces haven't gone anywhere in the last three months since you last appointment," she commented matter-of-factly. "And they won't go anywhere unless you get them tightened. You do want them off, don't you?" I nodded. "Then you have to go to the Tooth Faerie at three o' clock this afternoon."

      "I take it you already made an appointment," I said sheepishly. More of a statement than a question. My Aisha was like that.

      "Yes."

      I moaned in disagreement. Everyone dreads the trip to the dentist, and the orthodontist usually means pain as bad as my sense of humor. Oh, why don't I just put her up for adoption? Because she would join the Aisha thieves and steal any chance I ever had at happiness by making my life a living nightmare. So, I only dreamed about life without her. Then I would go to her and beg her forgiveness. I always confessed to a crime no one knew about, like the time I stole an extra piece of jelly from Jelly *LINK BLOCKED*

      "We'll leave at two, so be ready," my Aisha added.

      "But it only takes a half hour to Faerieland!" I argued. And of course, she retaliated as if she knew the question was coming. And she always did. But I was dumb enough to keep asking the question.

      "Because every time I make you do something you don't want to, you always have some kind of scheme to delay it and put it off so long by the time you're done we don't have the time-or the neopoints-to get it done."

      "She's got a point, you know," my blue Nimmo, Jawagna pointed out between bites of pancakes.

     "You wanna know what I think?" my blue Lenny, Daimovam began ranting. At this point, Jawagna suddenly got up and left the room without bothering to finish his breakfast. And for good reason, too. "I think braces are cool! They make your teeth straight and you get to pick all sorts of cool colors for them! I wish I had teeth so they could be as crooked as yours so I could get braces! Of course if I was a Faerie Kougra I would have teeth…" Daimovam finished; his attitude suddenly changing at the end from annoyingly cheerful and boisterous to menacing and wicked. He had an obsession, more like a passion, for wanting to be a Faerie Kougra just so he would match his sword. He reminded me of it every day of my life and resented me for not making him a Kougra. He was originally a blue Eyrie, but I like Lennies better, so he was already in an identity crisis because he was too dim witted to realize the blueberry drink I gave him did make him taller. And a darker blue.

      Now, my girl Christmas Zafara had to interject. "Well maybe if you were as beautiful as me you would be painted!" she bragged. "But since I'm his favorite and he likes me the most, you'll never get painted unless I do to!" She took out a Gold Mirror and began primping herself. She's a real piece of work. She was probably more conceited than Vira.

      "Archangel," my second Christmas Zafara, this one a boy, said. His name is White Seraphim. "Where did you get that mirror?" I love him the most, no matter what Archangel will tell you. He's the only sane one in the family.

      "I got it after I ate a gorgeous Glamour Negg!" she said without looking up.

      "So that's why you've been acting more brainless than the bird lately…" Seraphim muttered quietly, resting his head on his paw.

      "I wouldn't be a bird if I was a Faerie Kougra!" Daimovam growled so harshly it would have scared the Pant Devil Away.

      "Where did you get the Glamour Negg?" I asked nervously. The only one I had was…

      "From your shop," the Zafara said flatly, still not looking away from the mirror.

      "YOU STOLE THE NEGG FROM MY SHOP?!" I yelled. Typical thing for her to do. And yet I'm still dumb enough to be surprised every time she does this. I just let it go and began to pound my head against the table. Twilightning, of course, grabbed my ear and stopped this.

      "Don't hit your head, you'll kill brain cells," she commanded.

      "I really have to get you a Petpet to boss around," I said.

      "Well, if you would stop buying overpriced painted Petpets to resell and lose neopoints, we would have money to have Petpets, more than a one room neohome, and furniture." I rolled my eyes. I hate this speech. "And if you would stop doing all those silly quests for Illusen and Taelia, we would also have more neopoints and I wouldn't have to buy you all that expensive health food to hide in your food all the time so you get some nutrition. You have to eat healthier. Willingly." The last part was new, however.

      "We wouldn't need any more neopoints if I was a Faerie Kougra," my Lenny seethed, glaring at me.

      "Why Daimovam?" I chimed sarcastically, with a fake, plastered on smile for emphasis. "Because if you were a Faerie Kougra you would magically be able to make neopoints appear at your feet whenever you want like Nigel the Stockbroker does?" All my Lenny could do was hang his head and shrug sheepishly. That's why Lennies are among the most unpopular Neopets-because it would mean the Kougra population would skyrocket if they were popular.

      At that moment, Jawagna walked in dressed in so much hiking gear you would have thought he was going to climb up Terror Mountain the hard way. "Are we going to leave now?" he asked impatiently, tapping his foot.

      "But we don't have to leave until two. It's about ten now," I stated.

      "Which leaves just enough time for princess over here to get ready!" Jawagna sang, pointing to Archangel.

      "I only have four hours?" Archangel cried. "I have to start shining my halo now!" And with that, she ran out the door to the Beauty Salon.

      Ignoring this, Seraphim jumped in. "By the way, what's with the hiking equipment?"

      "Well, after the detour we took to Terror Mountain to give Taelia a Milk Chocolate Kiko on our way to the pharmacy, I have to be prepared for everything!" Jawagna answered.

      "Ah, yes. The day you had Bloaty Belly after doing about a hundred Illusen's Quests," Twilightning said to me with that I'm-going-to-bore-you-to-death-with-a-lecture tone of voice. "The fateful day that now makes Count Von Roo, the Tyrannian Furniture Shopkeeper, and Lucky McKyriggan want to hang me upside down and torture me with a Feather Tickler until I announce to the public that Jelly World does in fact exist!" As soon as she said 'Jelly World,' a Chia Police Officer and a man in a secret agent suit (obviously one of the Neopets Staff) busted down the door and took Twilightning aside, fiercely whispering into her four ears. The phrase 'Jelly World does not exist' was used extensively.

      "By the way, where did you get that outfit?" I asked.

      "Umm…" Jawagna said, suddenly losing his confidence. He inched colder to the door. "From your shop." Then he bolted outside.

      "I never had that in my shop," I said to myself as the Chia and secret agent left the house.

***

Okay, so now me and my five pets (yes, five) are going to Faerieland to meet the elusive Tooth Faerie to have my braces tightened. Why does no one ever see the Tooth Faerie, you ask? She's in the basement of the Hidden Tower. The Hidden Tower has a basement? you're probably asking now. Well, it doesn't. Then how can I visit the Tooth Faerie in the non-existent basement of the Hidden Tower? Ask my Aisha.

      And, as usual I was trying to figure out some way to be able to stall.

      As we walked out of our house in Neopia Central, which is fairly close to Meridell, I got my first idea. "Hey, Twilightning," I said. "Can we just stop in Meridell for a few things? I have some errands to run."

      My Aisha gave me a suspicious look. "What kind of 'errands'?"

      "Um…" I pretended to have a sneezing fit to give me some time to think. I think the five minutes I took was a little fake, but it might work. "Oh! I'm on the eighth level for Illusen's Quests."

      "No Illusen's Quest for you, you're on a diet."

      "You're kidding," I said. Of course, the answer would be no. I never learn. And of course the answer was 'No.' "Umm… Oh! I just remembered! I haven't played the Wheel of Knowledge in a couple days!"

      "But all you ever win is a Brightvale Berry," Jawagna commented.

      "No Wheel of Knowledge," Twilightning told me. "No food until after we see the Tooth Faerie. We have to keep your teeth looking cleaner than they really are, and we don't want any pieces of food stuck in your teeth." I just stopped and looked right at my Aisha, with my hands on my hips. How could she be so like my mother? It was amazing!

      And know, since food was forbidden, I felt a sudden pang of hunger and my stomach growled. It was an automatic response for my body to want something I knew I couldn't have. Especially when it came to food.

      So, we walked in relative silence all the all the way to the big cloud in the sky. I say relative silence because Daimovam hadn't told me he wanted to be a Faerie Kougra in over fifteen minutes since we left.

      Halfway up to the cloud Daimovam looked me and said, "You know what's cool?" And the entire brigade's eyes all roll on cue. "We have to fly on this cloud to get up to Faerieland! Flying is so cool! I wish I could fly! Of course if I was a Faerie Kougra I could fly."

     I just stared at my Lenny for a moment. How could this thing be so brainless?

      "If you haven't noticed, Daimovam," I said cheerfully, "you're a Lenny and Lennies can fly! And before you were an Eyrie and they can fly, too." Daimovam had a look of disappointment on his face. Also an idiotic look, but that's how he always looks anyway.

      "Will you just make him a Faerie Kougra and shut him up?" Jawagna whispered into my ear.

      "But then his life would have no meaning," I told him. "His entire existence is to torture me day in and day out that he wants to be a Faerie Kougra. If he were to become one, then he would have nothing to do because he wouldn't be able to remind me incessantly that he wants to be a Faerie Kougra."

      "Doing quests behind Twilightning's back?"

      "Yup. No neopoints. But I'm still saving to paint you Halloween."

      "You call the three neopoints you have in the bank saving?"

      "I have three neopoints still in the bank?"

      Our conversation was cut short as we landed at Faerieland. This is where the fun began to start. We were greeted by none other than the Dark Faerie herself, Jhudora. I had been purposefully avoiding Faerieland because… well, you'll find out.

      "Hello, child," Jhudora greeted me. "Have you finally brought the sugar doughnut I asked for FIVE WEEKS AGO?" She bellowed the last part so loud I almost fell right back to Neopia Central.

      "Well…" I began, "funny thing about that actually. Um... you see…"

      "SILENCE!" Jhudora boomed, waving her outstretched palm to me. Suddenly, by her evil Dark Faerie magic, she shut my mouth so I couldn't open it and speak. "You only had fifteen minutes and sixteen seconds to do it! Now you shall be sent all the way back to level one!"

      "Mmm hmmm hm mm hmm!" I tried arguing. I wanted to tell her that I was only on quest one that I failed. This is the reason I began doing Illusen's Quests. She's nicer.

      Jhudora held out her hand and made a fist, grabbing me by the collar and picking me up. I flew close enough to her face to be able to smell that vile smelling breath of hers. "Bring it to me," she croaked, and dropped me hard on the ground. Cloud isn't as soft as you think!

      "Sure!" I agreed, realizing my mouth was unfrozen.

      Oh, joy! Now the Darkest Dark Faerie you will ever meet was mad at me! Fortunately, I still had the half hour that Twilightning always gave me for these kinds of situations…

***

"I already told you, it wasn't my fault!" I defended. Twilightning was seething mad at me, and had me at rainbow gun point. "I swear that after I bought the doughnut, the Pant Devil stole it!"

      "When?" she asked. "While you were playing the Wheel of Excitement? You also have a gambling problem, mister!" Okay, now my Aisha was way past acting like my mom. She had crossed the line into parole officer.

      She just sighed and put away her rainbow gun. "I guess we'll just have to do the Quest. It's not good to be on the bad side of Dark Faeries." Oh, boy. Here it comes… "Remember that time when we…"

      "Can we just get on with it?" Jawagna shouted impatiently, going to one knee to tie his hiking boot. "We don't have too much choice, so let's do it!"

      We floated down from Faerieland on the cloud and started towards the bakery to get the doughnut. Five weeks and Jhudora is still obsessing over a doughnut! I'm one of the few unlucky ones who got extra time…

      Okay, so after we got the doughnut we started back to Faerieland. I'll skip that part because nothing really happened except Daimovam reminded me he wanted to be a Faerie Kougra again. And again. And again.

      ***

On the cloud up, Twilightning just glared at me with a particularly nasty look. "What?" I asked. I just wanted her to stop looking at me like that. It was freakier that the Esophagor not being hungry.

      "You know very well what," she said. "You can't fool me. You bribed Jhudora into doing that so you wouldn't have to go to the Tooth Faerie. She doesn't dwell."

      "I did nothing of the sort!" I replied lamely. Who would do such a thing just to avoid a dental checkup? I would. It cost me ten thousand neopoints to get Jhudora to agree to such an act.

      Twilightning just gave me a look. In every look she gives, she says something. This one said "Of course you didn't you big dunce! You probably bribed Fyora into getting Jhudora to do that!"

      There was an uncomfortable silence for a while, and then my vain Zafara became bored and took out an oversized mirror and began to primp herself. Seraphim noticed this and became curious. And his curiosity will almost kill me, because I'm allergic to cats.

      "What's that?" Seraphim inquired.

      "I don't know," Archangel answered, not looking away from the mirror. "It was at an unoccupied trading post lot I saw on the way. It was just so gorgeous I had to have it! I think it makes me look even prettier, and that's quite hard!"

      I became nervous. I was afraid to know what it was. "What did the wish list say for the lot?" I asked.

      "Oh, it said something like 'Fyora's Looking Glass-retired artifact, worth millions! Be back Tuesday.'"

      I was dumbfounded. Whoever owned that might be looking for it, and with enough money to buy a Hidden Tower item, they might be rich enough to be strong Battledome competitors…"YOU STOLE A FYORA'S LOOKING GLASS?!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

      Yelling as loud as you can announcing that your Neopet has just stolen an extremely expensive retired artifact from the Trading Post -- I do not recommend that! Because the owner just happened to be where the cloud had landed when I said that.

      "You were the one who stole my Looking Glass?" a deep voice said. I looked up from Archangel and saw a tall, muscular, mean looking man with a Mutant Jetsam and a Darigan Grarrl behind him.

      My knees started quivering at this sight. I tried to explain, but it was hard to do when you were being stared down by someone so… big. "I… umm… well…" I began. I must have looked like an idiot. Of course then again I usually do. "Erm… well… SHE did it!" I said, pointing my finger to Archangel. She didn't even look up from the mirror. I grabbed it away from her and shoved it into the guy's chest. "And, uh, she's very sorry she stole it because she had too many Glamour Neggs and doesn't know any better, and she won't do it again and… uh…"

      Now the guy got right up in my face. I had a knack for getting people who don't brush their teeth right up in my face. He towered over me so much I fell back onto the ground. He was even bigger up close. "Listen, buddy," he threatened, "me and my pets don't like thieves, see? And anyone who steals from us pays. You wanna know what happened to the Pant Devil when he stole from me?" I shook my head. I was just hoping whatever it was was quick and painless. "Good," he finished.

      Before he could begin to attack me with his monstrous Neopets, I had to try to defend myself. I couldn't just let him do whatever he did to the Pant Devil, I had to fight! And so I tried reasoning with him. "Wait!" I cried. "You wouldn't hurt someone so much smaller and weaker that you, right? And so much thinner, and feebler, and more breakable…"

     Twilightning knew I wouldn't get anywhere, and so she jumped in between us. Oh, how I wish I had never made her. "Alright, listen up buddy!" she said the most intimidating she could be, though this was hard when she was only halfway up to his knee. "You aren't the only one who has strong Neopets." Oh, no, I thought. She can't… But she did. "I'm the strongest Neopet he has, and you'll have to get through me to get to him, first!" True, she was my strongest pet… but not that strong.

      The Darigan Grarrl stomped on the clouds over to Twilightning, and hovered over her. It snorted and released a cloud of smoke in my Aisha's face. Out of fright, she fainted.

      With her out of the way, the Mutant Jetsam drew a Fire and Ice Blade and held it high above my head… Until an enormous purple and green cloud appeared over us. "WHERE IS MY DOUGHNUT?!" Jhudora boomed, sending a bolt of lightning to the ground, narrowly missing my assailant. He jumped into the air and screeched in terror as he and his Neopets ran off with the Looking Glass. Jhudora floated down to the ground (as much as cloud can be considered ground) "Well?" she said.

      "Well what?" I asked.

      "I sent you on a quest for a sugar doughnut. Where is it?"

      I gave her a quizzical look. It was supposed to be an act! "Okay…" I reached into the pocket I had put the doughnut in. Nothing. I reached into every other pocket I had. Still nothing. "Where's the doughnut?" I asked no one in particular, patting by body down in hopes I would find it.

      "Speaking of all things lost…" Seraphim said, "where's the bird?"

      On cue, Daimovam walked out of the nearby Petpet shop with a Floud under his wing. "Hey guys" he said cheerfully, popping the last bits of my doughnut into his beak.

      I roared out of frustration. "Daimovam, you birdbrain!" I shouted. "You're going straight to the pound when we get back!"

      "Can I keep Fluffy?" he asked, pointing to his Floud. I shook my head 'no.' "Well maybe when I get adopted I'll get an owner who will let me KEEP my Petpets. And who will paint me a Faerie Kougra."

      I only roared in frustration again, ramming my head against the side of the Petpet Shop. The head of the shopkeeper popped out of the door. "I'm going to have to ask that you not do that," she said sweetly. "We just had the sidings redone."

      "We have to leave anyway," Twilightning said after being revived by Jawagna. "Come on. We'll be able to have just enough time to make it to your appointment now." She grabbed me by the ear and began to drag me to the Tooth Faerie.

      "You're not getting paid now!" I shouted to Jhudora. She only sighed and glided back to her cloud.

      "Do you think one of these Faeries will have a Faerie Paint Brush they could give me?" Daimovam asked me cheerfully.

      I could only sigh as I was dragged off to the Tooth Faerie…

The End

DISCLAIMER: If you're reading this, then my first story was just published! YAY! *waves flag* I plan to have many more stories in the Neopian Times. Visit my lookup to see all my works in progress, and to see learn some stuff about me & my pets! I would also like to thank my good neofriend, amazing_amers1, for giving me critique and helping me get this published! You're, well, amazing!