A Good Night's Sleep
A NEOHOME - Sleep is the one thing everyone needs. It relaxes and rejuvenates
us... but according to some random poll, 45% of pets and their owners do not get
the recommended eight hours of sleep! I probably qualify for about 25% of that.
But just what is causing all this insomnia?
You see, it’s different problems depending on what kind of household you live
in. Me, I have three Lupes, one of whom is still just a puppy, meaning he wakes
me up at hours that even Count Von Roo would hate.
I don’t know what your Neohome is like, but with this helpful and somewhat
informative article (aren't I modest?), I intend to solve any problems that
you and your pets might have getting to sleep, whether it be insomnia, rambunctiousness,
or the fact that your pet is a Korbat and likes to stay up at night.
So, moving on with the first problem...
Ah, yes. Insomnia is (probably) the number one cause of sleeplessness...ness.
If your pet comes into your room, just as you’re about to doze off, to tell
you that he/she/it can’t sleep, there’s a good chance he/she/it might have insomnia.
The first thing you must do is restrain yourself from chasing your pet out
of your room saying, “Don’t wake me up again!” This will not help at all, and
your pet might be so offended he might call the Anti-Neopet Nonsense Association
(which, by the way, forms a rather dashing acronym related to my aunt's sister's
name) because you yelled at him. Then you will be sleepless and pet-less. No,
what you must do is get him a glass of milk. For some reason, milk makes pets
sleep. Don’t ask me why.
You can also read to them. Pick a long, boring book with a title like The
Evolution of the Paper Plate or Corn Dogs through the Ages and read
it as slowly as possible. Your pet is guaranteed to fall asleep within minutes.
Another great but risky way to get your pet to fall asleep is to play with
him. Be sure to play something that involves lots of running and jumping around,
like Musical Chairs or Exhausting And Pointless Running Around The Room.
This method is risky in two ways. One, your pet might wake up your other pets,
who will be very, very, very angry with you. Unless you have docile pets or
like going to the hospital, this method is not for you.
Two, your pet could be having such a great time that he doesn’t want to go
to bed! You will be forced to coax him into going to sleep, but will still hear
loud noise coming from his room, especially if your pet has a Twisted Roses
Speaker turned up full blast.
Of course, you could also annoy the neighbors and get kicked out of your neohome
(all right, that’s three risks).
So your pet doesn’t have insomnia, eh? Well, then, you must have a baby pet!
Baby pets require care, love, and every single nanosecond of your time. So
it’s no wonder that babies keep you up at night, whether its for a diaper change,
or they want to be fed, or they want to play... All babies keep their owners
up for one reason or another (It’s a conspiracy, I tell ya!). Ahem, continuing
Once a baby is up, it will stay up, unless you follow these helpful tips to
put the baby to sleep quicker:
1. Rock it. Babies like the motion of rocking, and it puts them to sleep. The
movement might also make the baby have to go to the bathroom, so this may not
be the best method.
2. Play with it. Babies fall asleep easily, so if you make up a story like
“And here’s Bob going to work at his School Supplies shop. Oops, Bob forgot
his briefcase! Here’s Bob walking back to his expensive Neohome on 66234 Main
Street. Here’s Bob remembering he left his keys inside the house. Oh, no! Here’s
Bob crawling through a window...” and so on -- like that, the baby will be asleep
before Bob even gets to his shop.
3. Sing to it. Singing soothes babies and makes them tired, especially if you
sing a slow song. But no salsa music -- trust me.
Now, if you sound like a herd of Elephantes in pain when you sing, play some
soothing music on one of the instruments you can buy at the Toy Shop (ironic,
no?). Just make sure that what you play is based on The Wonders of the Neopian
Philharmonic and not The Best of Sticks n’ Stones: Live! accidentally.
What?! You still haven’t gotten your pets to sleep? That means you have a nocturnal
Nocturnal pets are, to put it simply, pets that stay awake at night. So if
you have a Korbat or a pet that likes to stay out at wild parties, fear not!
I will help you, because I have three pets that love to stay out at night.
Say you’ve just tucked yourself in for the night and you’re just ready to
doze off. Your eyelids droop, you feel tired... CRASH! You’re woken out
of your near slumber by your nocturnal pets, laughing, talking and apparently
This is tough. It’s hard to go against your pets instincts and get them to
go to sleep, but you must be firm. Order your pets to go to bed.
Okay, so that didn’t work, so now try the old milk trick. If you’re lucky,
your pets will feel very tired after drinking milk and decide it would be best
to go to bed.
If that doesn’t work, and there’s a very good chance that it won’t, tell your
pets that if they’re going to stay up all night, they’d better stay awake outside.
Hopefully they will leave the house, and you will have peace and quiet.
Now this might be worse than better. Your pets might commit some crime out
on the streets and get themselves arrested! (A lot of these method could get
you arrested, couldn’t they?)
In my opinion, the most effective way to get your pets to sleep is to make
a deal with them. Say, “I’m really tired, so if you could go to sleep I’ll give
you 1,000 neopoints.” This almost always works, but you will become broke eventually.
Hey, at least you’ll be able to sleep peacefully!
Of course, you could just stay awake with your pets! Hey, don’t knock it till
you’ve tried it, right? I did once, and my Lupes showed me how fun it was to
howl at the moon. Serious bonding time.
There are probably other pets with sleep problems, but I don’t know what they
are. If you have a problem that’s not on this list, just do everything above.
These methods are approved by the doctors of Neopia, you don’t have to take
any pills, and the only trouble would be, well, if the methods don’t work. But
So ends my somewhat informative article on conquering sleeplessness. If you
are unsatisfied with any of these methods, do not come after me with pitchforks
and/or other various weapons. Go see a doctor. I’ve heard a guy named Sloth
is very good.
Authors’ Note: Thanks for reading! This article was meant to be fun, and
I don’t mean for you to go try those methods if you really can’t sleep, Okay?
Questions and comments are always appreciated, so don’t be shy!