The Anniversary Edition Neopinglish Dictionary
In honor of the 150th edition of the Neopian Times, I have returned to give you
yet another pointless and annoying installment of my Neopinglish Dictionary. For
those of you who managed to avoid reading the other five parts of the Neopinglish
Dictionary, I will now explain what Neopinglish is:
Neopinglish: The Neopian language that vaguely resembles English, but
is still a unique language all on its own. Kind of like American chatspeak.
Battle Quill: A cool Neopian item that you can use to combat the dark,
evil, sinister forces of writer's block.
"Coming soon to Neopia": This popular Neopets World Page phrase, translated
into traditional English, means "In about two years".
Commander Garoo: Let me put it this way: General Kass started out as
one of Lord Darigan's top minions. If I were Dr. Sloth, I'd be very nervous
Darigan Citadel Engine Room: Wait a sec-- You mean the city ISN'T held
up by MAGIC??? Oh, I'm crushed. I'm really crushed. What's next? They are going
to tell us that Lord Darigan is a good guy afterall? Yeah, riiiiiiiight. Thank
goodness THAT ain't gonna happen. Wait a sec-- ARRRGGGHHH!
Deadly Dice: (1) A free way to lose pet levels without having to use
the outrageously expensive Lab Ray to lose pet levels. (2) Another name for
Destruct-O-Match: What happens when your opponent fails to show up
for your Multi-player Competition Kacheekers game six days in a row and then
makes one move on the last day.
Dung Sink: Or does dung float?
Earth Faerie Eraser: Illusen asking for a million Neopoint item for
one of her quests? Have we got a handy little item for you! Erases those annoying
Earth Faeries that give out expensive random quests that only bloat your pet
Escape From Meridell: A complicated game in which you have to guide
a Draik through different levels in order to get him out of the castle, when
all you have to do is click on the Meridell Castle map and he's out. In fact,
he's not just out of the castle, he's in the middle of the moat.
Faerie Cloud Racers: A very misleading game in Faerieland. I have looked
all over this thing and I haven't found any clouds racing each other. *squints
harder* Nope. I still don't see any clouds racing each other. What's up with
Grey Faerie: A really depressed faerie that wears tattered clothes.
Queen Fyora held auditions for a new faerie and the Grey Faerie won the position
over the other two contestants. They were the Dung Faerie and the Snot Faerie.
Kass: A pile of ashes that can't decide if it is a lord or a general.
Kreludan Homes: This is actually the furniture shop on Kreludor despite
the fact you can't build a Neohome on Kreludor. This is a perfect example of
how dim-witted Grundos are, and why Dr. Sloth loves them so much.
Leather Kau Helmet: Since leather is made out of cows, in order for
this weapon to fit properly on a Kau's head, she has to make it out of her own
Lord Kass Quill: A Neopian item that proves Kass is still alive. Darigan
turned into Mr. Scary when he was defeated. Kass simply turned into Mr. Moulting.
Lupe Meat Dishes: A book that tells you how to make meals out of Lupes.
Obviously written by a Chia.
Malevolent Sentient Plushie Poogle: A thoroughly evil creature created
by combining the two most hideous and frightening things in Neopia: a Poogle
and a plushie Neopet.
Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie (TCG): Not to be confused with a
"Malevolent Sentient Plushie Poogle", but is confused with a "Malevolent Sentient
Plushie Poogle" anyway.
Master Vex: One game level up from Expert Vex.
Melted Chocolate Negg: Obviously the Snowager has been sitting on this
thing too long. I'm not really sure how this temperature thing works with neggs.
If an Icy Negg sells for 5,000 Neopoints, and a Cool Negg sells for 500,000
Neopoints, why doesn't the Melted Chocolate Negg sell for 5 million Neopoints?
Morguss: A General Kass minion that proves that Moehogs do not make
very convincing females.
Neoboards: Something that you write on with Neochalk, but since there
is no Neoschool yet, what's the Neo-point?
Neocola Token: A coin that can only be used on the moon of Kreludor,
and is only good in the Neocola machine there. A can of Neocola: 150 Neopoints.
A Neocola Token: 20,000 Neopoints. I think we have figured out how Dr. Sloth
plans to finance his next invasion of Neopia.
Neopium: A basic element molecule in the game Chemistry For Beginners
that makes the Turmaculus sleep 23 hours a day.
Nosh-O-Matic: (1) Official name of the Alien Vending Machine, (2) Any
Skeith that is famished at the same time that you have anything of value in
your item box.
Pea Chia Pop: Without a paint brush, and simply by feeding this your
Chia, you can turn him into a round, green... petpet.
Plushie Poogle Plushie: A toy made for people who are too lazy to look
up the words "malevolent" and "sentient" in a real dictionary.
Poisonous Jelly: A one Neopoint way to get a 10,000 Neopoint disease.
Pootato: What that grumpy old King Skarl gives you if he did NOT like
Ring of Sloth: A lovely accessory to go with your necklace of Sloth,
bracelet of Sloth and earrings of Sloth.
Secret Avatar: What everyone goes insane trying to get six dozen of,
despite the fact that you can only use ONE.
Super Attack Pea: It's a Buzzer! It's a Pteri! No, it's Super Attack
The Tax Beast: A green guy that shows up in a random event to take
a percentage of your Neopoints away to support the next Neopian invasion effort.
More commonly known as "Dr. Sloth".
The Three: Three bizarre, completely unexplained characters found in
the "Battle For Meridell" plot. Also known as Morguss, The Lupe-Catching Faerie
and-- the Narrator. I especially want to know who the Narrator was. Who had
access to BOTH the court of King Skarl and the Darigan Citadel in order to tell
us what was going on? Come to think of it, has anyone seen that Zafara Double
Trouble At The National Neopian: A game in which you win simply by
remembering to collect your interest BEFORE you deposit any Neopoints.
Turmac Roll: A bouncing, berry-filled petpet, served on a fresh sesame
Tyrannian Meerca: The only Tyrannian pet that not only comes armed
with a weapon, but has the ability to terrify a Pirate Lupe. Three words: Chuck
the spear! Chuck the spear! Chuck the spear! Okay, okay... so that's NINE words.
Wheel of Monotony: A nifty new shortcut to the Lair of the Beast. The
only drawback is that this nifty new shortcut costs 100 Neopoints and it takes
you three hours to get there.
World Events: A page listing Neopia-shaking monthly events that hasn't
been updated since Eyries were Tatsus. Despite the fact that it is called "World"
events, most of these events don't seem to go any farther than the Money Tree.
Your Diary: A very nifty and useful Neopets feature that allows you
to keep track of dates on your very own personal calendar. Yeah, I've been playing
two and a half years and I haven't gone near it either. Hint to General Population:
Check your Neomail options. Hint to Neostaff: A great Mystery Pic no one in
Neopia will ever guess.
Zombified Peasants: 25,000 of them were released during the Battle
For Meridell. These war-crazed zombies immediately raced to the shops on the
first day the Giant Spyders appeared and actually paid 2,000 Neopoints apiece
for Bubbling Healing Goo and Sticky Snowballs. Only 25,000? Funny, it seemed
like more to me.
What? That's it? That's all we get? Yup. Until next time...
Special thanks to the following people for their suggestions: Articuno_neo,
Backfromtheiceland, Cebu_that_meows, Chaos_jess, Chipster33, Comedian872001,
Erileen, Fantasy_scifi, Frostcrystal, Holycow81, Imayasha, Jerk_head, Lemmykoopa300,
Marilltachiquin, Meggiemufin, Meowth4, Mrs_fluff, Neo_tomi, Oily106, Plushieowner,
Precious_katuch14, Random_joy, Resurrectedwarrior, Ridergirl333, Rmuecke, Shimmering_aurora,
Simsman24000, Spirit_wolf72, Tennmagpie, Theonlyjessica, The_wanderer128, Tracypaper12