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The Bookstore Book Reviews


by christinetran

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Also by blubblub317

NEOPIAN BOOKSTORE - Welcome everyone! This is Christinetran reporting live at the Neopian Bookstore, here in beautiful Neopia Central! Blub, my news partner, is in the back of the bookstore looking out for the Weewoos...

CT: Blub! Come back!

Okay, now that he is back, let's get straight to the article's point. Have you ever had trouble deciding which book to read? Are you one of the many Neopians who can't decide whether learning social skills or trying to stay fit is more important? Well, most of you're worries are now over! Mister He-Shall-Wow-You-With-His-Intelligence Blub and I, the ever so boring Neopian who goes by the two letter name of CT, will help you decide on which book won't waste your time! With my great reviewing skills and Blub's knack to point out whether that Aisha or Chia was funnier, you won't ever have to fear reading another boring book again.

A Lupe's Tale: Who needs to read this book when you already know what's going to happen? Lupe hungry, Lupe goes to Neopia Central, Lupe eats Chias, and Lupe goes back home.

Neopian Times Issue 3: Unfortunately, neither CT nor Blub could read this issue because it died of old age.

I'm Not Angry: That's what they ALL say...

Flotsam Food: The only thing more ridiculous then these recipes is the name of the Flotsam Chef who made them...Monsieur Lefroofroo?

The Pterrible Pteri: Well, the book wasn't bad...it was pterrible!

A Tale Of Two Lupe's: Need I say more?

Neo Fashion: See? I told you! Weewoo hats ARE the latest fashion!

The Magic Staff: The only good thing about this book was that it proved that Beakadoodles ARE evil! Oh yeah...and the magic staff turned out to be non-magical...something about his conscious being his power and all those other clichés.

Ooga Book: I'll ruin the ending for you: Ooga oog! Ooga ooga oog!

Maps Of Neopia: Did the author ever realize that there's the Explore page?

Maggie the Meerca: When you name a Meerca Maggie, you know a book is going to be hilarious. And luckily, the book was exactly that.

Z Is For Zafara: Yes, book, I know my ABC's.

Bitten Book: Well...the parts that I could read were good.

Le Blu: For books lovers, this would be a perfect read. For blue lovers, sorry, this book isn't about the colour blue.

Book of Bizarre Tales: The only thing more bizarre than this book is it's front cover. That poor Kau...

The Magic Paw: The book was terrible, so was the front cover. I swear that's a half-eaten piece of strawberry jelly, not a paw!

Kickin' Kikos: It's like a guide to soccer!

Big Foot: Who wrote this book? A Mootix?

Unique Uni: Wow! Nice alliteration! Um...yeah...

BIG book of Puzzles: Well...it's big...and puzzling.

Little Book of Puzzles: It's little...and puzzling.

Sad Peophin Stories: Bring lots of tissues when reading this book. In fact, just buy a few hundred towels while you're at it.

How To Be A Model: The author should have seriously handed over this project to Roxy, the striped Shoyru!

Air: A little excerpt from the book: "Air is good. Air keeps you alive. Air is invisible. Oh, and there's also an Air faerie." Doesn't the book sound awfully interesting?

Grarrls Are Great: More like Grarrls are hungry...

A Grundo Christmas: The ending was a nice surprise! Dr. Sloth takes the Grundo away from his family on the day of Christmas. [Awkward silence follows] Actually, it doesn't sound so nice, now that I think about it.

The Gelert Diaries: Funny...didn't know that boys had diaries...

The Uni Trilogy: Quite an adventurous tale indeed...except that I can't find the other two books.

Dance Away!: Weird, I didn't know that jumping was one of the most popular dance moves....

Moehog Poetry: Frighteningly hilarious. 'Moe, Moe, Here Comes The Hog' is an instant classic nursery rhyme!

Healing A Koi: [sighs] The Healing Faerie is that-a-way…

Buzz How To Fly: By the time I finished reading this, the book could STILL fly better than I could. Maybe because I need wings...

Koi Scales: This book is perfect if you want to learn how to play the non-existent piano!

Don't Bug Me: Three guesses who's the main character...

Krawk Dental Care: Finally! A guide that'll stop Krawks from biting my arm, thinking that it's a chew toy! [Winces]

Connect The Dots: Uh…they were already connected!

Koi Tales: Filled with tales of romance, adventure, and brave deeds. Unfortunately, no tales about Koi tails, though...

Battle!: Is it just me or are these types of books just starting to get REALLY annoying!

The Mover: [weeps] What an incredible tale! The ending astonished me, when that Jubjub's drawer hit the Jestam...

Social Skills: This book is a MUST for all the Lennys' out there!

The Shadow Usul: Great stories; best if read in the shadows because of it's invisible, glowing ink.

Confident Kyrii: Now THAT'S a first!

Van Roo: For some bizarre reason, you can only read this book during the night...

Loyal Lupes: This book is trash because all Lupes are loyal! DUH!

Witch Hunting Techniques: Good if you hate Edna. Bad if you are Edna.

Calculus Basics: If you want a headache, try reading this one, geniuses. Not as basic as it seems, eh?

Big Book Of Karma: The book was good and all, but...who's Karma?

Algebra: OUCH! The title alone hurts my head!

Guide To The Loveable Kacheek: Albert, I suggest you read this.

Scents Of The Skeith: A really mysterious tale indeed! The only downfall was that the book DID smell like a Skeith.

Mouldy Tome: One of the best books I've ever read! Probably because it fell apart when I turned the cover...

Wocky Tails: Plenty of tales containing Wocky's...but no tales about tails.

Shoyru Songs: The author was right! That smash hit is addictive! La la la la la bing bong, la la la la la la bing bong...

Quick Reference Dictionary: Um…Stone? Where did you get the idea of creating Neopinglish Dictionaries?

Chianatomy: Is that even a word? Delicious book if you're a Lupe.

Baby Gelert Pop Up Book: Pictures are really colourful...despite the fact that I nearly had a heart attack at the first pop-up. Not for the weak-hearted.

Tying Your Bow: Well, this was just a waste of my time. I'm a girl...I don't wear bows, but some of them bows are mighty nifty!

Little Book Of Big Volcanos: 642 pages...not as little as I thought it was. It was a wonderful book...that is, until I read the first page.

Nimmo Yoga: This book is wrong on so many levels...

Techo Says: ...I'm confused...

Green Thumb 101: GIRL, WHO'S THE FREAK THAT DID YOUR NAIL POLISH?!

My Favorite Food: Um...I don't need to read this. It's Pizza...

Grundo Food: I don't feel too well!

Kiko Food: Seriously, who are these crazy writers?!

Purple Power: Everything about the book was purple, which is why I couldn't read it. The purple lettering was hidden underneath the purple pages...

Acaras: I'll save you the money from buying this piece of junk. This is the entire book: "An Acara is a type of Neopet. Oh, and Acaras are pretty."

Medieval Dictionary: Too medieval for my taste. It even has more words than the Modern Neopian Thesaurus.

Potato Counting For Beginners: The whole set of 50 pages teach you how to count from 1 to 50! How exciting!

A Chia's Choice: Perfect if you love stories where the character just can't decide whether to wear that polka-dotted hat or the striped one!

Krawk Fighting Techniques: To sum it all up, it's about SLAP! BITE! and RUN!

Mystery Island Tour Guide: Wouldn't it just be easier to take the tour?

Shop Wizard Tips: Here's a tip...get a better hat.

At last, we have come to the end of our wondrous book reviews! We've had our shares of laughs, tears, and straight-out hollering (sorry about the hat comment Mr. Shop Wizard)! We hope you've all enjoyed this piece of junk we've so quickly created and that you'll bombard us with fan mail [snickers]! Now CT and I are off to go tame the fanatical Weewoos that are flying in the back of the bookstore (don't tell the shopkeeper!). Until next time, this is your friendly cast singing off of an incredibly fun-filled report!

Author's Note: On behalf of Blubblub317, and Christinetran, we'd like to thank you for reading this article. Any comments are extremely appreciated! If you have any comments, please send them to both of us! Thank you once again!

Disclaimer: Don't take any of these reviews seriously. They were all just for fun. Blub and I are both sure that all of these books are wonderful...but I still think that the Shop Wizard should get a different hat.

 
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