teh 1337est n00zpaper Circulation: 192,109,998 Issue: 631 | 7th day of Awakening, Y16
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Editorial


On the Neoboards, some people seem to think Key Quest is rigged in a way that favours one player over the other (granting the "predetermined" winner high die rolls, good powerups, etc.). Is this true, or is it simply a matter of random luck and chance? ~circlingsky
Nope! It's just a random roll. People naturally try to find order in randomness, which is why ideas like this pop up.

Hi, guys! Happy Valentine's Day (when it comes, of course)! *hands over a batch of heart-shaped cupcakes for sharing* I was wondering if it were possible to have one week every year where people who missed old plots could have a chance to play them through and get in on the great stuff that the veteran players have always had. Sometimes life just gets in the way, and so I missed everything but the obelisk and the Spooky Food Contest. *sad* New players could thrill to all the adventures, as well as some of us poor working stiffs who just didn't have the time back then. How about it? You would be the most awesome people in the universe. Honest! Please withhold my name, thanks.) ~username removed
One-time events are just that. It's part of Neopian history, and while it can be read about in guides, it isn't intended to be experienced again. Moving forward, there will be new content for players who have joined us more recently, or who didn't participate in previous events for one reason or another. Unless someone invents a time machine -- then you can go back. Though, you'd more likely spend time placing sporting bets than playing old Neopet plots. It's okay. We understand.

How many people read the one Doctor Who quote from the Caption Contest excerpts two Editorials ago in David Tennant's voice? *raises hand* ~avatar_4ever11
*hands raise up from cubicles all around the office*

I would love it if you could send a nice note to whichever department is in charge of customization. My pretty little Eyrie found a set of Dark Translucent Wings to wear, and after saving up all of her monthly allowance for a year, she bought them. Much to her dismay, when she puts them on, her real wings show through. :( ~tigrismoon
We alerted the Art Department and this should now be fixed. :) MoonSkylark's allowance money was well spent!

I noticed that we don't have a heart smiley. How have we been celebrating Valentine's Day without these? Thanks!!! ~marge1166
Your wish has already been fulfilled!


And there was much rejoicing. Yay.

Dear TNT,
You've made some amazing characters over the years and some of my favorites are the captains from the Obelisk War. I love writing a story about the origin of a character, so I've been wanting to write, say, about the childhood of Prof. Lambert, or how the Duchess became the all-powerful leader of the Sway. However, while researching, I came across a question: can I give already existing characters names? The Duchess must have had a name before she became the Duchess; am I allowed to give her a name if I wrote a story about her? In the cases of Prof. Lambert and Commander Flint: are those last names? If they are, then could I give them a first name? (I'm quite partial to Cornelius Lambert and Alexander Flint myself.) ~starluffy

There's a grand tradition of naming unnamed site characters in NT stories -- the dear pink Uni at the Pound has had many names over the years, so go for it! Also, yes, Lambert and Flint are both last names.

snarkie's password is only 8 characters long?!? Please, PLEASE tell her to make it more secure. ='( Thanks! XD ~arkalon
Hahahaha! Don't worry, the "password" in the Neopets app video was just for show, and does not reflect any of snarkie's real passwords.

Thank you for answering my question! I was expecting you'd say something that would crush my dreams of username redemption. However, I want you to know that I took your advice: I bought a Yullie, named it Fred, painted it pirate, and sent it to the catacombs in Grave Danger. I now feel marginally better. Thanks again! ~pam_loves_fred
BUAHAHAHAAHA! *wipes tears of laughter away from eyes* We're happy to have helped. XD

We haven't heard from Baby Insane for a while. Is the little guy still wreaking havoc around the office? ~sorceress_jerdana
Baby Insane (and his brother) are certainly no longer babies! We've lost track of how many babies have been born to our team over the years. In fact, we just welcomed our latest new addition to our Neopian family a few days ago! :) Congratulations to one of our proud artists that just made her most amazing creation yet!

Is it possible to do a non-existent revamp of a non-existent land? o_O ~arkalon
Yep. Just close your eyes and pretend! Easy peasy.

If you enter a submission that turns out to have the same plot as another story you've never read, will you be frozen? ~dana333498
If it's plagiarised word for word, then you will be warned or frozen. However, if it's just a coincidental similarity in plot lines then you need not worry, unless we have strong reason to believe it was intentionally copied.

Hello, TNT! *waves* Just the other day my ice Xweetok, Nedi, had her third birthday. Amid the excitement and extravagant celebrations she forced me to hold (She is a rather demanding Xwee!) I decided to enroll her in a course at the Swashbuckling Academy. What really stumped me was that her course promptly commenced without me having to hand over any dubloons to dear old Cap'n Threelegs! I thought maybe it was a mistake -- it wasn't Xweetok Day or Neopets' birthday, but her second course for the day was free of charge, too! Although Nedi would like me to believe she really is that special and warrants free training every now and again, I think an important question needs to be answered here. Do our Neopets get free training on their birthdays?!? ~diorchristal
It's a Premium perk. :) All Neopets get free training on their respective Pet Days and our birthday on November 15th, but if you're Premium, then your Neopets get free training on their personal birthdays as well!

Are programs that automatically refresh the page considered cheating? ~leesadee
Very much so. Any program (or paperweight) that automates site play like that is not allowed.

AN APP. YES. YOU GUYS. OMG. YES, PLEASE. THANK YOU. SUCH YES. WOW. MUCH WANTED. ~christyannalou
VERY YAY.


[app making intensifies]

**HAPPY THOUGHTS**

Hey, TNT! I noticed there was no Happy Thoughts section last week, so I thought I'd start you off with one for this week: every single time I play Let It Slide, I giggle when I jump and the Snuffly wiggles his little tail. It's little details like that that've kept me coming back to this site for over a decade now. Thanks for being awesome. ~getoffamyrunway

I just wanted to say THANK YOU so much for the latest NC Gram. That dress is the most beautiful wearable to date (at least I think so). Also, I've been playing Neopets for a long time now, so also thank you for everything. :) ~hipppio

Hey, TNT! I just wanna say that I think Neopets-On-the-Go (I've got my fingers crossed that it gets that name, just 'cause it's funny. :P) looks awesome! I hope it gets finished soon, and please keep being awesome!!! ~surfcb

Dear TNT,
I just thought I'd let you know that I submitted my first agent query for my novel last night. I think it's important that you know, because I would have never thought to become a writer without this site -- between writing role plays and short stories for The Neopian Times, I gained the confidence to write a series of novels. I've been playing since August of 2002 and the people I've met here have been, by and large, my biggest support group. Thanks again for the inspiration and for the confidence to hit "send." I can say with absolute certainty that I couldn't have done it without you! ~skutterbotched

Oh dear, there seems to be something in our eyes....


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