The Annual Neopian Villains Convention
Hi, my name is Ruby and I’m writing this report live at the Annual Neopian Villains
Convention! ... ... ... Okay, I never heard of it either until I got assigned
this report. These so called “villains” like to keep their conventions quiet.
This is why it’s being held right here in the heart of Neopia Central with about
fifty other reporters swarming the place.
Yes, this convention sure is going to be a big one, all right. I mean, they’re
giving away free piles of sludge! Aren’t they adorable? I’m going to name mine
So, this article is mainly going to be commentating
and interviewing the villains who have decided to show up. Oh, look! I think
I found our first interviewee! The Pant Devil! The Pant Devil is well known
for stealing items and being almost impossible to challenge in the Battledome.
Me: Hello, Mr. Pant Devil! I’m going to interview you, okay?
Pant Devil: Um...
Me: Okay then! First question: Your name is the Pant Devil. Why?
Pant Devil: I... don’t know why. Why do they call me the Pant Devil?
I don’t even wear pants!
Me: Haha. ... Hey, give me back my pen!
*after chasing the Pant Devil many laps around the room in order to retrieve
a stolen pen* ... *gasp* Sorry ‘bout that. I just learned something - Never
mock the Pant Devil’s name.
Moving on... The next villain I’ll be interviewing is the Monocerous, known
for his toughness, brutal style of bullying and actually eating Neopets. You
should approach the Monocerous with great caution.
Me: HI, MR. MONOCEROUS!!!
Me: I’m here to interview you! First question: What is it like having
your own random event?
Monocerous: Over the last month I have eaten 38 Wockies!
Me: Riiiiiiight. I’m sure you have. Moving on, do you consider yourself
a famous villain? If so, why?
Monocerous: Once I ate 16 Jubjubs in a week!
Me: Um, okaaaay. Look, are you going to answer my questions or not?
Monocerous: ... ... ... Over the last month I have eaten 38 Wockies!
Me: *sigh* I’ll take that as a no.
Okay, so the Monocerous interview wasn’t the greatest! But there are still
plenty of villains to meet! Our next one is none other then Jhudora!
Me: Hello, Jhudora! How are you today?
Jhudora: Get me a Faerie Aisha Plushie. You’ve got ten minutes. If you
fail, I’ll turn you into a Mortog.
Me: But... but.... but... Faerie Aisha Plushies cost 20k! And why are
you threatening to turn me into a Mortog? You never do that with anyone else.
And you should at least say please! And-
Me: Okay, okay... Sheesh, someone’s cranky.
... ... ... ... *returns after a few minutes with Faerie Aisha Plushie* The
Shop Wizard was right down the street so I was able to get it quickly! Convenient,
Jhudora: What took you so long?
Me: Um, you’re welcome. So are you going to let me interview you or
Jhudora: ... No.
Me: But... but... I got you that plushie!
Jhudora: ... Would you like to become a Mortog?
Me: You heard the faerie! She doesn’t want to be interviewed.
So let us move on to another villain. Our next villain is the super scary Lord
Darigan! He lost his orb and his good looks, but he still manages to keep his
page in the Gallery of Evil!
Lord Darigan: Um, I’m really not a villain anymore. I don’t even know
why I got an invitation to this place...
Me: Aww, don’t be silly! I know that deep down inside, you’re still
really evil and cruel!
Lord Darigan: But...
Me: Moving on! My first question is this: How do you feel about the
fact that Meridell stole your shiny orb, made your citadel fall into poor condition,
then you stole the orb back and the orb corrupted your mind turning you into
this uber powerful villain bent on doom and destruction and then the orb exploded
and you went bye-bye and came back as this hideous creature?
Lord Darigan: o_0 ... Um... uh...
Lord Darigan: No comment? ... Look, I gotta. go...
Me: ... Fine then! *pouts*
Okay, there still may be hope for this article. Our last villain to be interviewed
is the slimy and slithering Meuka!
Me: Hello, Mr. Meuka, sir! My name is Ruby and I’m a desperate reporter
in need of a good interview. =D
Me: Hey, don’t look at me like that! I’m trying, okay? So, here’s you
first question: Most people believe that you came to be... erm... green in some
freaky lab experiment. Is this true? If not, what on Neopia happened?
Meuka: That’s not true. I just, um, sneezed. Really, really hard.
Me: ... Ewwww...
Meuka: Yeah, that’s what most people say. The truth is most Neopians
find some lab accident more interesting then a bad sneeze.
Me: ... ... ... Ewwww...
Meuka: Okay, you can stop now.
Me: Sorry. Anyway, on to the next question. What’s it like being some
disgusting, vile, creepy and sickly old germ that can often be found under a
... ACK! Get it off me, GET IT OFF ME! EWWWWWW!!! *runs around in circles*
... ... ... Once again, I’m awfully sorry about that. You just sort of start
panicking when this huge, slimy, and evil Meerca attacks you. I’m fine! Well,
I’m covered in slime, snot and germs. But overall, I’m just peachy! *insert
huge creepy grin here*
And I guess that will bring this utterly useless and disturbing article to
a close. Despite how I didn’t get a decent interview in and have been attacked,
threatened, and ignored, I did learn one thing from this report: When you need
to find someone to interview, never pick a villain. Now I have to go wash this
gunk off me and-
“Something has happened!
SLOTH FIRES HIS RAY GUN AT YOU!
Your pile of sludge has turned into a pile of sludge!”