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10 Things You Should Never Do/Ask/Say to Queen Fyora


by legilis

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Jeez, just because this is another "list article" doesn't mean that you have to glare daggers into me! Seriously, stop it! AND STOP TOSSING THE DUNG WILL YA? Besides, this really is good advice. I wish someone had told me before I actually had to go through the results myself... For the results are pretty painful. Anyways, just read on. If you dare. I warn you! The result of reading this article may bring on nightmares in the night, and haunt you during the day. It's that awful. But then again, sometimes it's best to be forewarned about some of these things, so you don't do them yourself. So, read on! Read on! Unless you chickened out. But if you've read this far, for this really is quite a prolonged beginning, and quite an awful one, too, you might as well read on. Well, go! AND PUT THAT DUNG DOWN!

Ten things you should never do/ask/say to Queen Fyora (In no particular order):

10) Never attempt to steal an item form the Hidden Tower. Never. Now, you may think this is common sense, but I'm just warning you. You see, GrandOaks, my electric Lupe, attempted this one time. Well, it seems if you actually DO succeed in pocketing an item, and actually DO succeed in looking innocent, you'll NEVER succeed in exiting the Tower. It seems Fyora actually DOES have a brain, and installed some sensor thing in the exit. And there is only one door to get in and out. Which means as soon as you try to pass, if you haven't paid for the item, well, you get zapped into a Slorg. Yup. So you should Never Ever try to steal a thing from the Queen.

9) Never be sarcastic in saying Fyora actually DOES have a brain. While I was typing this article, I got zapped into a Slorg. In fact, I had to put this article on hold for weeks! What a nice pair GrandOaks and I made! Two Slorgs, angrily shouting out things at Fyora in petpet language. Well, at least it kept any predators at bay. Shouting nasty things at Fyora always does it.

8) Never shout nasty things at Fyora. Even in petpet language. She knows all languages. And, well, suddenly appearing on Florg's table isn't very pleasant. Oh, and if you weren't already a Slorg, Fyora would turn you into one. So once we (GrandOaks and I) were Slorgs on Florg's table, we learned a lesson. Slorgs are slow. And if you're a slow petpet at Florg's table, you get eaten. And after you're eaten, you end up becoming a very smelly Slorg. Yes... A very traumatic experience... Believe me, you DO NOT want to go through it. Ugh... *shivers*

7) Never ask Fyora where she got her purple wig from. She'll turn different colors, and then scream. Of course, when she screams, all good soldiers from Meridell and anywhere else come to her aid. With weapons. Of all kinds. Which are very sharp and pointy. And they hurt. A lot.

6) Never scream while Fyora screams. You don't fool people that Fyora was the one humiliating you. Instead, you enrage the Queen even more so. And thus humiliates you the more. With a very nasty experience of having a dunce hat glued to your head, while being covered with strips of purple paper that smell strongly of (Ick!) perfume, which say; "Fy0rA RuL3S!" and anchored to the ground with hundreds of angry Bearogs, which hate the smell of perfume.

5) Never tell the Queen she smells like dung. Or else you end up being dung yourself. And aren't turned back unless pitifully begging the Queen. And even when you beg the Queen with your saddest face, it takes a month at the shortest to become yourself again. And the smell doesn't leave for the longest time...

4) Never ever point out the pimple on her face. Even if it is quite big. She'll cover you with warts and pimples yourself. And then abandon you in the middle of a big crowd, who point and laugh at you, while poking your warts and pimples with pointy sticks. Ouch... I still remember that experience quite clearly. And feel it, too...

3) Never tell the Queen she's ugly. Or else you'll end up at the bottom of a pit filled with hungry, half-starved pets with their hungry half-starved petpets. Who are covered in bloodsucking, blood-hungry fleas.

2) Never ask the Queen her age. And tell her she's lying when she says, "13". Or else you end up tied upside down to a thin string right over an area in the sea that's filled with Jetsams and Krawks. Not only does the blood rush to your head and your legs get numb, but the pets are snapping at you, and miss by mere centimeters.

1) Never paint ball the Hidden Tower. Or spray paint it. Not only do you have to clean it off, but you have a sign taped to your back that says, "Kick me". And lots of pets do what a sign says. And when you're all done, Fyora leaves the signs on your back on. Until some sympathetic faerie removes it, as it can only be removed by a faerie. Ouch. That one hurt. Especially when those long, long ladders Fyora provided for me to get the top of the tower kept disappearing. And I kept falling.

There you are, 10 things you should never do/ask/say to the Fyora. I hope that you have gained some knowledge from reading this article, and leave that much wiser. Or else these events will happen. Seriously. I mean it. Never, ever, ever do any of this. Or else Fyora will be on your case. And you'll end up a family of beat up, smelly Slorgs.

Oh, and don't tell Fyora if this gets published. I'll probably end up hunted all the days of my life. And that is a very scary thought. Even after you've been turned into a Slorg multiple times, digested by Florg, poked by weapons, kicked by Neopians, and fallen off ladders. So please, don't breath word to Fyora-- She's even scarier than Sloth!

 
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