Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 98,096,637 Issue: 194 | 10th day of Relaxing, Y7
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Curse of the 'Fat Pawkeet' - The Parody


by xxj3nnyxx137

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It is a well known fact that Neopia was the happiest and safest place that anyone could ever go to. With its large and prosperous worlds and its super-friendly people, how could anybody hate it? In fact, it was so perfect, that it almost makes you sick. That was before the pirates came.

     The only difference now is that Neopia is overun by pirates and pirate wannabes. The most famous of them all is the 'Fat Pawkeet' and its crew of pirates.

     The 'Fat Pawkeet' and its crew of men were feared throughout Neopia - those who ever crossed paths with them were never seen again, as if they vanished into the swirling white mist that surrounded the ship. Naturally, many people avoided talking about the 'Fat Pawkeet', fearing that one day, the immense ship will call for them too.

     On the few occasions that the crew did decide to land the ship, people were seen for miles running for cover, and hiding their food. Why hide their food, I hear you ask? Well, legend has it that the large crew that steered the Fat Pawkeet were nearly always hungry, so whenever they invaded an wealthy island, it was never for its treasure, like everyone's stereotypical idea of pirates(unless the treasure was edible), nor its people, it was solely for their food, in particular - cookies, because everybody knows that's a pirates favourite food!

     The result of this was that the island was left with not even a crumb, and the townspeople vowing revenge on that cursed ship and its crew(although they never did live long enough for revenge, as many of them died of starvation a few days later)

     However, what did the pirates care for these miserable people, deprived of cookies? They always sailed away on high spirits, congratulating themselves on their latest successful invasion and had various competitions, regarding the size of their stomachs.

     For the Fat Pawkeet and its crew, that was just the way they lived their lives, and they liked it that way.

     Lapin the Usul sat happily in his cabin and gazed at the row and row of delicious chocolate cookies that lay before him. This has got to be the best invasion yet, he thought to himself and sighed contently. He was just about to take a big bite out of his cookie when the door to his cabin was thrown open and in ran his best friend, Hacques, his beady eyes glinting excitedly.

     "Guess what!" Hacques his Kyrii friend cried, jumping up and down on Lapin's bed. Lapin, who was now extremely annoyed at the fact that he was interrupted just before eating a cookie and now to the fact that Hacques was jumping up and down on this new bed and chose to ignore him.

     Hacques, seeing that his best friend was annoyed, immediately stopped jumping up and down and said, "Okay then, I guess you don't want to know about the latest invasion the boys have come up with? There will be a lot of food involved..." That got Lapin's attention.

     "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" Lapin exclaimed, as his mouth watered, picturing more cookies and delicious foods.

     So, the pirates sat down together and started to plan once again, the invasion of another island.

     Wedding bells rang loudly and people everywhere hurried to get to the large wedding. In all the excitement, nobody noticed the dark ship silently sailing towards land and its crew in position; ready to attack.

     Ten minutes later, it was all over. Instead of wedding bells, the island was silent. Back on the Fat Pawkeet, pirates were yet again, celebrating their latest attack with a large meal.

     Little did they know, someone was watching them...and waiting. This time, the crew of the Fat Pawkeet had made a mistake. It wasn't a normal Neopian wedding that they had interrupted - it was the wedding of Captain Scarhead and his fiancĂ©e, and they definitely were not what you would call 'normal'.

     Captain Scarhead was a middle-aged Lupe whose body was covered with ugly scars. He too, used to be a pirate, and a very successful one too. Some even say, he was better than the Fat Pawkeet and its crew. Whether that is true or not, I do not know - but Scarhead is definitely not the sort of pirate you could mess with.

     "I'm going to make those puny pirates suffer," Scarhead muttered under his breath, watching the pirates afar with his dark eyes, "I'm going to make sure they never eat another cookie in their life." And with that, he turned around and walked off; his long black cloak billowing in the strong wind.

     Lapin yawned as the first rays of sunlight streamed in through his small cabin window. He stretched and putting on his favourite fluffy slippers, went out onto the main deck, grabbing a large cookie on the way out. As he stepped onto the main deck, he was soon joined by Hacques and together, they talked and laughed about their adventure the night before. They were soon interrupted by the shouts and screams of their crew and ran to see what happened. As they looked up, they saw, what could possibly be the most horrifying image of their life and soon after that, everything went dark.

     Lapin awoke in a cold and damp room, with iron bars as walls. His head was pounding and once his eyes adjusted to the dark, he saw the distinct shapes of Hacques, and other members of his crew.

     Hacques, as usual seemed to be the only one who was jumping and down, unaware of the trouble that they were in.

     "Ooh! Another adventure!" he cried. "I wonder if we'll find some more food!"

     Lapin rolled his eyes and said in a bored tone, that of a father talking to his son, "Hacques - we're prisoners now, don't you get it? That's the end of all our adventures." Hacques' face fell and he decided it was probably not the right time to be jumping up and down. Lapin felt nervous about something....there was something he had forgot....but what was it? At once, his brain clicked and he jumped up agitatedly, "My cookies!" he cried feeling a little dazed, "My cookies are still on the ship! They've taken my cookies!" Lapin took charge, figuring out a plan for them to get out of the prison, it wasn't hard, now that he had a purpose.

     It didn't take long for the entire crew of the Fat Pawkeet to manage to sneak out, for although they may be dim-witted, their love of food kept them going. Once out in the open air, they circled the island that held them prisoner. After hours of searching, they finally found what they were looking for. Their beautiful ship, the Fat Pawkeet, was tied to an old tree, but still intact and looked the just the same.

     "There's something not quite right about this," Lapin said, "Why would that Scarhead go to all the trouble of imprisoning us if he wasn't going to trash our ship? That always happens in the movies"

     "Who cares?" laughed Hacques, already running towards the ship "That man is a fool, lets just get away before he actually does do something."

     The interior of the Fat Pawkeet was pretty much the same as the outside; untouched and unharmed. Naturally, the first thing Lapin did when he stepped abroad his ship was to hurry to his cabin, and most importantly, his secret stash of cookies. As he entered his cabin, he breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw that all his cookies were still there, lined up neatly on the shelves, just the way he had left them.

     Lapin's stomach growled menacingly, reminding him that he had not eaten for almost an hour, so he reached out and grabbed the nearest cookie and bit into it hungrily. Instead of the crumbly, chocolatey sensation he usually got when eating a cookie, a cold and hard feeling greeted him instead. Lapin spat out the cookie and realised what had happened.

     "That Scarblade must've taken all my real cookies and replaced them with these plastic ones!" the pirate said angrily, his eyes flashing. Lapin rushed out of his cabin, his heart broken and vowing revenge. Just as he was coming out of his cabin, he saw Hacques, heading his way, with an equal expression of anger and shock engraved onto his face.

     "Captain Lapin! Scarhead stole all our food supply! All he left was this..."

     Lapin grabbed the scrunched up piece of paper from Hacques' hand and began to read it. It said:

     To my fellow pirates, congratulations on breaking out of my prison - I knew you you do it! Too bad it's already too late...well, I'm off, have a nice life kiddies!

     P.S Thank you for all your delicious snacks!

     The pirates of the Fat Pawkeet were never reported to have been seen again. Some say that the shock of being deprived of food drove them crazy but others say that the once-famous Fat Pawkeet is still out there, biding its time, waiting for a chance to get revenge on Scarhead. Who knows? One thing's for sure is that you should never mess with a pirate!

The End

 
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