A Dark Faerie's Decision

     "Illusen! Where have you been? You have no clue how much I missed you!"

     Illusen sighed. "I know. I missed you too, Jhudora. But you know my guardian. She wanted me to learn how to summon leaves the whole weekend."

     She shrugged her shoulders and gave her friend an unhappy look. "Why does she want me to be a perfect earth faerie? I don't like summoning leaves and that stuff. And besides, there are enough earth faeries. What do they need ME for?"

     Jhudora nodded slowly. "I know how you feel, my guardian acts the same way. She want me to do things like... let it grow dark, or even nonsense like making purple puffs of smoke hover in the air."

     "I want to move to Faerieland rather than staying in Meridell for all time. It is so very boring there. That is to say, when you're not there."

     "Oh yes... same here, but only because my guardian is always so annoying when I want to go away. She tells me not to talk to the other faeries, never make friends with anyone and so on. If she knew that you were here they'd probably kick you out of the house."

     "Really?! But... my guardians probably also wouldn't be very glad if she knew that you're my best friend."

     "It's so complicated. How are we supposed to stay friends if this goes on like that?" Jhudora said disappointedly.

     "I dunno..." Illusen answered cluelessly.

     For a short while, both of them kept silent. Then, mainly to break the silence, Jhudora suggested: "Let's take a walk through Faerieland. We could buy some books or faerie food..."

     "Yes, that's good. I'd enjoy that," Illusen nodded. So they walked out of Jhudora's house and walked right to the book shop.

***

     "Jhudora! Where have you been all day? I TOLD you, we have to practice summoning darkness some more! How are you ever going to become a great dark faerie if you don't even know how to do the easiest spells?"

     Jhudora looked at her feet. She really wanted to tell her guardian that she wasn't interested in becoming a good dark faerie, and that she didn't want to practise something useless like summoning darkness. She'd probably never need that in her life. But she couldn't. She would be punished, grounded or something and she wouldn't be able to see Illusen in that time. So she responded quietly: "Actually I'm already quite good at letting it grow dark. We don't have to practise that much."

     "You are not quite good, you are a beginner. The last time we practised, you barely managed to put out the light of those five candles. In the next week, we'll practise every evening until you're able to get a brightly lightened room as dark as the night."

     Jhudora didn't dare to discuss her guardian's decision. She nodded slightly and her purple eyes were aimed towards the floor.

     ***

     The next day, Jhudora went to Meridell. When she walked towards Illusen's house, she saw her friend lifting her arms, making some single leaves appear from nowhere, which hovered slowly to the ground. Then the young earth faerie repeated the process. "Illusen! Five leaves! You should already be able to make it RAIN leaves!" an older faerie scolded Illusen. She wore green lipstick and her eyes were the same bright green as Illusen's, but they were much more stinging. Jhudora quickly hid herself behind a bush, because she remembered perfectly well what Illusen had said yesterday about her guardians finding out that they were friends.

     "But mom! I told you, I don't want to learn this stuff. When I grow up, I want to sell petpets or something. I won't be a great earth faerie! I'll never like this stuff!"

     The dark faerie adored her friend. How could she talk to her guardian like that? Jhudora would never dare to do that, though she wished to be as courageous as Illusen.

     "Illusen! How would you know what you're going to want when you're older? When I was as young as you, I didn't want to practise either, but look what has become of me! I'm a great earth faerie now and many other faeries look up to me," Illusen's guardian said sternly.

     "But I am not like you!" Illusen protested. "It's not only practising! I really don't want to do all that stuff. What do I need to make leaves appear for? There are enough trees which hold leaves, and in winter they lose them anyways!"

     "Yes, because of us earth faeries! But you'll never be able to make trees lose their leaves if you're not even able to make leaves appear!"

     Jhudora knew exactly how Illusen must feel right now. She had made this conversation with her guardian several times before. She wanted to help her friend too badly, but of course she knew she couldn't.

     "Okay then. I'll try until I manage to make more than five leaves appear, and then you'll leave me alone. Is that a deal?" Illusen suggested.

     "Alright... okay," her guardian nodded. Jhudora wished her guardian would react to her suggestions like this. "But you'll have to clean away the leaves by yourself, since chances are you may engage yourself a bit more then. I'll get you a garbage bag."

     With these words Illusen's guardian walked into the house.

     Jhudora quickly struggled through the leaves and twigs of the bush. When she dropped to the ground in front of her hideout,branches sticking in her hair and some mud stains all over her dress, she lifted her arm and desperately waved to her friend. When Illusen saw the young dark faerie, her face immediately lit up. She smiled and waved back. But then she seemed to hear her guardian coming back and she gestured that Jhudora should quickly hide herself again.

     "Mom, look," Illusen said and lifted her arms. This time, her eyes were shining and bright, not as dull as before. Elegantly, almost gracefully she moved her hands, this time much slower and more obviously. First, she formed a circle and then she moved her hands towards each other with a zig-zag-movement. Finally, she straightened her arms towards the sky. Little stars and sparks emerged at her fingertips. While they floated towards the ground, they transformed to leaves; red ones, yellow ones, orange ones, brown ones and green ones... Jhudora was stunned. And embarrassed at the same time. SHE didn't even manage to darken a room.

     The voice of Illusen's guardian pulled her out of her thoughts. "Great, Illusen! But why didn't you manage this before? Oh, however. I'm proud of you! Now you can do whatever you want... until tomorrow evening, then we'll practise coloring leaves."

     To Jhudora's great surprise, Illusen nodded happily. She waited until her friend's guardian was gone and then ran towards the little earth faerie.

     "That was really cool!" she shouted. Illusen nodded enthusiastically.

     "Yeah! Have you seen the leaves? And all the sparkles! I made it! I can do magic!" she cried out happily and hugged her friend. Jhudora was just confused.

     ***

     At home, Jhudora's guardian already waited for her. Thankfully she hadn't stayed with Illusen too long, so she didn't scold her this time.

     "Guardian Faerie," Jhudora started when her guardian told her to conjure some green poisonous puffs of smoke. "Why do you need me to do this? I mean... aren't there enough dark faeries?"

     "Don't argue with me about this. You're from a respectable family of dark faeries and so you will of course be tought to do dark magic. Now stop protesting and start practising."

     Jhudora opened her mouth to add something, but then she closed it again. It was pointless. She'd never manage to stand up to her guardian like Illusen could. Sadly, she lifted her hands and practised.

     Jhudora actually was a good magician and was learning quickly, but she just didn't want to lose Illusen as a friend. She was afraid that she soon wouldn't have enough time to hang out with her...

     "Jhudora," her guardian said, "please start reading this book. It will teach you some important facts about dark faeries you may need to know."

     Jhudora nodded. She grabbed the book and started leaving, but her mother called her back once more.

     "Jhudora!?"

     The faerie turned around. "Yes?"

     "I'm indeed proud of you. You became much better at magic since the last time we practised."

     Jhudora blushed when she was surprised by this compliment. "Thank you, guardian. I'll keep on trying," she answered.

     When Jhudora got into her bedroom, she opened the book to start reading.

     "It's a tough choice to pick the path of being a dark faerie," the faerie read. "If one becomes a dark faerie, she will not only be dark on the outside, but also inside. She will start hurting people she likes, because her spells will darken her heart. If you choose to be a dark faerie, keep on practising hard. You will need to know how to use spells properly or chances are that they could be fired back at you."

     Jhudora didn't read on. Darken her heart. She could only think of Illusen. Illusen. What if she hurt her? A tear slid down her cheek and dripped upon the old pages of the book. Suddenly she realized that dark magic wasn't only a family matter or a fun hobby, but a way of life.

     ***

     In the next few days, Jhudora avoided to see her best friend. She concentrated on practising like it had been stated in the book; soon she could do the best summoning spells, put out the brightest lights and even mix some powerful magical potions, and she had to admit that she liked it. Yes, she was good at dark magic and also found it fun. It would have been so great; but Jhudora knew she had to give up what was most important to her: Illusen.

     She didn't yet feel the dark magic taking possession of her heart, but she knew she had to tell Illusen soon or she would hurt her without wanting to. So she decided with a heavy heart to go to Illusen and tell her that she was going to be a dark faerie.

     But then something came to her mind. She imagined how she told Illusen they couldn't be friends anymore. Illusen would just laugh and tell her the dark magic would be no problem, they would always stay friends, no matter what would become of her. No. Jhudora couldn't tell her directly. She had to scare her friend off, so she would hate her. Yes, when Illusen hated her, she wouldn't have to suffer and Jhudora wouldn't become weak and come back to her friend. It was the best for both of them.

     Jhudora was determined to realize her plan. She would get Illusen to hate her. Only one part of her resisted against this decision. Her heart was given a painful sting every time she even imagined Illusen would be hating her.

     ***

     "Hi Jhudora!" Illusen's clear voice shouted. Jhudora whirled around and was about to return the earth faerie's greeting, but then she remembered her decision.

     "Hey, freckle-face," she said in the meanest tone she managed to bring up. Illusen's smile disappeared as if wiped away by someone.

     "J-Jhudora... wha-what's up?"

     Jhudora wanted to cry, hug her friend, tell her why she had to do this, but she knew she wasn't allowed to get weak. She thought of some other mean things and when she spoke, every single word hurt her because she knew it would make her best and only friend sad.

     "What do you want? Don't you want to go back home and practise to let the trees lose their leaves? You don't need ME for this, do you? So just get lost!"

     Illusen looked at her disappointedly. "You're mad at me because I want to become an earth faerie now?" she gasped. "But - Jhudora - I thought you be happy for me!"

     "Happy for you? Oh yes, if you're lucky when you're able to throw leaves all around, go ahead and do so!" Jhudora snapped. Please go away, she thought. Don't force me to say more things like that.

     "Fine," Illusen said whiny-voiced. "I have no clue what's up with you, but I guess I won't talk to you until you're back to normal."

     When Jhudora saw a tear shining in the corner of Illusen's eye, she couldn't help but give her a pitiful look for a short moment, but before Illusen could realize that, Jhudora pulled herself together and put her angry face back on.

     "What a great loss for me," she murmured. Finally, Illusen gave her a last sad look and then turned around to run away. When Jhudora watched her, a tear ran down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand and got back into her house.

     "Jhudora!" her mother called. "That was kinda great! I didn't hear what you said, but it looked as if you tought that faerie a lesson!"

     "Um..." Jhudora stuttered.

     "Those earth faeries are the worst of all. They're always so sickly happy... and those freckles! Ugh! But well done, really. Keep it up."

     That's great, Jhudora thought, ignoring her guilty feelings. It's even easier to hate Illusen when my guardian faerie supports me. Yes, I already hate those stupid freckles!

     When Jhudora got upstairs into her room, she pulled her and Illusen's friendship box out beneath her bed. It contained some leaves Illusen had once managed to create; some sweets they had bought on a walk through Faerieland and even a photo album of them.

     "I don't need this stuff anymore!" she said loudly and started ripping the pages out of the photo album. "What did I like about her anyways?" she asked herself while throwing the sweets into the bin. "My guardian's right! Those horrible FRECKLES! And the sick happiness! And besides, what kind of faerie IS she? The only thing she's able to do is summoning leaves! She's so untalented and so disrespectful to her guardian and, ugh, those silly braids she wears!"

     When Jhudora had destroyed the whole content of the friendship box, she dropped onto her bed exhaustedly and started to cry silently. This would be the last time she was going to be weak, the last time she cried.

     She still knew she didn't hate Illusen and probably never would. But someday, she would be able to overcome the pain.

The End