Secrets of the Game Graveyard
HAUNTED WOODS – Good evening and welcome to this special news bulletin. Gracie
the Grarrl here, reporting to you live from the ominous Game Graveyard nestled
deep inside the Haunted Woods. Tonight, we shall expose to you the deep, dark
secrets of this seemingly lifeless patch of ground, where underneath lie many
neo-generations’ worth of games.
First off, let me give you some background information on this final resting
place of worn out games for those that have never traversed the nether regions
of Neopia before. Quoting the wooden sign conveniently tacked up outside the
entrance to the graveyard, “It's where dead games go. Games so horrible, so
scary that we had to remove them from the site…” When the programmers decide
a game has lived out its appropriate lifetime, it is sent here to be buried.
Now, one of the common misconceptions of this location is that it is a favorite
haunting spot of menacing ghosts that like to scare the living daylights out
of Neopets that are innocently trying to play a round of Neo DJ. Well, *looks
around* I don’t see any ghosts around here. But what I do see is a friendly
old watchman over there that might be able to give us the inside scoop on what
happens here on a night-to-night basis.
*Rushes over* Excuse me! Sir! Could we possibly take a few minutes of your
time to interview you for an educational program about the Game Graveyard?
Grundo: *Awakens out of a Sardplant-Fruit-Grog-induced stupor* Urrgghhh… just
a few more minutes, mum…
Gracie: EXCUSE ME!
Grundo: I SWEAR I DIDN’T DO IT!! …Oh. What are you lot doing here in the middle
of the night?
Gracie: It’s 6 o’clock.
Grundo: Oh…… What can I do for you?
Gracie: What is your name, sir?
Grundo: Snarpip. Snarpip the Sleepy.
Gracie: Very well, Mr. Snarpip, can you tell us about your job here at the
infamous Game Graveyard?
Grundo: Well, I just admit anyone through the gate who wants to have a go at
these deceased games. Then I simply tap the desired game’s headstone like so.
*Demonstrates* And the game magically pops up, controls and all.
Gracie: I understand. I have wandered in to play Destruct-o-Match a few times
myself. Shame they replaced it. And what happens when a new game is being sent
into the graveyard? Can you explain the process to us?
Grundo: Ahh, those are my favorite times of the year. They’re like a second
Christmas for me… You see, every so often a team of top secret executives meet
in a top secret location and exchange top secret information about which games
are going to be retired next. Once they have reached an agreement, the orders
for the specially engraved tombstones are sent out. The top secret executives
then pass on their top secret instructions to the not-so-secret-but-still-unknown-to-the-average-Neopian
Gracie: Yes, go on.
Grundo: Then, the game wranglers sneak into the game room in the dark of the
night. Using an ultramodern trapping mechanism (courtesy of Virtupets) the wranglers
are able to suck all the characters and components of a specific game and lock
it safely away into a tiny box. That box makes its last journey to the freshly
hollowed square piece of earth whose contents have been emptied out and set
aside for future use (also known as a hole). It is buried deep down in the dirt
and will only be summoned by the touch of the tombstone.
Gracie: That is absolutely fascinating!
Grundo: Really? Most of the time I just sit around on my bum and open the gate
for rowdy Unis that have come for the Mutant Graveyard of DOOM avatar.
Gracie: Err, ok… Do you mind if we have a look around?
Grundo: Be my guest. If you need me, I’ll just be over here… *Snuggles back
down into a comfy spot among the roots of a Slimy Tree* Resting my eyes…
Gracie: Thank you, Mr. Snarpip.
Wasn’t that exciting, folks? A firsthand account of the Game Graveyard initiation!
You won’t get that kind of journalism anywhere else. Well look here now. The
first headstone you come across is the one for Freaky Factory. I suppose it
was erected here to make avid avatar collectors run around in circles screaming
about the fact that that had been practicing two weeks straight and were on
the verge of getting that magical 1,250 points and it was retired. But no worries
collectors! This was only put here as a joke by some mischievous top secret
executives. Cooped up in an office all day long, they have to get their laughs
somewhere too, you know.
Ah, if you turn to your left, the first group of games is visible behind that
tree over there. Yes, it seems that all the games that were replaced by “newer,
flashier” versions have been placed in this area right here. This has been affectionately
named the “Resentful Region” of the graveyard because the games here are a tad
grouchy about being traded in for their counterparts. Understandable, I’d say.
How would you feel if one day, a scary man in an orange jumpsuit came to your
house and told you your elbows were too hairy so you were to be replaced by
a slightly less hairy version of yourself? That would be adding insult to insult
for me. Anyway, the games currently residing here are: Destruct-O-Match I, Kiko
Match I, Whack-A-Beast, Faerie Caves, Ice Cream Factory, Codebreakers, Chia
Bomber, and Meerca Chase.
Now, as we continue further down the path, the rest of the games are coming
into view. These are just the ones that have been deemed too frightening for
human and Neopet eyes. Yes, things like Scorchio's Quest, Chomby and the Fungus
Balls, the Mutant Graveyard of DOOM that has attracted so many people here for
the Avatar, and Alpine Challenge. As a long time member of the community and
lover of all things Neopian, I remember playing quite a few of these during
my childhood. Oh how I loved challenging my friend to Earth Faerie Aces… *trails
*Ahem* Right, so as I was saying, these games lie here in commemoration of
the past. Whenever anyone desires a quick stroll down memory lane, they may
pop in here and get nostalgic about how many omelettes they had saved from the
ravenous Skeiths in Omelette Defender. I believe that the top secret executives
have been quite kind to give Neopia a second chance at experiencing these wonderful
And there you have it ladies and gentlemen; we have uncovered the secrets and
found the deeper meaning of the Game Graveyard without a single ghost attack!
Until next time, when I will be teaching you how to explore the wonders of Maraqua
for under the cost of a Nuranna, this is Gracie the Grarrl signing out!