X-Treme Dice-A-Rooing... Sort Of
ROO ISLAND - Love it, hate it, Dice-A-Roo is a great way to get stressed out, curse out loud
at King Roo, and lose millions of hard earned money… five neopoints at a time.
Sure you may expect this article to be a fun story on ways to make Dice-A-Roo
fun, but it’s kind of hard to do that.
But if you insist, I will give you a guide to the “Apollo’s Ultimate X-Treme
Guide to Dice-A-Rooing.” You see, first, you enter the Dice-A-Roo tournament
on Roo Island. Talk to King Roo who is just standing out in public, unaware
of what actually is going on in his wonderful Roo Island castle…
I have no idea what you are talking about. I didn’t steal anyone’s golden
Dice-A-Roo statue from the king’s bedroom. I haven’t been plotting the downfall
of his reign with Advisor Broo. OKAY I HAVE! Just… don’t tell on me… okay? Thanks.
Since King Roo isn’t missing anything important, *wink* he tells you to head
over to a table and start rolling a dice.
There are five (maybe six) levels of dice in this game, starting with red,
then blue, then green, then yellow, then silver. Through this game, you can
earn and loose neopoints in your pot, have nothing happen at all, have a mystic
wind blow past, have the Pant Devil strike, win food, gain levels, get the jackpot,
and unfortunately loose.
The scenery is quite odd, there is a purple Blumaroo in the back of the building
is using a scoreboard to keep track of the current jackpot, even though it changes
every split second. The tables all come equipped with your very own annoying
thing with a tail, which give you random comments of things you really don’t
need/want to know.
So, you roll the dice until you get the jackpot or a game over. Don’t collect
any money as you go, that isn’t X-Treme enough! Live on the edge, man! Play
until you win, and then send all prizes and neopoints to me, O_Apollo_O. Oh,
and if you get the jackpot, you get an avatar.
Is that not X-Treme enough for you? Well it wasn’t for me. Honestly, if you
thought this article would be about how to play Dice-A-Roo ultimately and X-Tremely,
you were terribly mistaken.
Instead, this article is dedicated to those annoying things with tails (average
Blumaroos, I believe?) that are constantly breathing down your neck, yelling
stuff at you, and making weird colon and parentheses faces like “:(“ while you
are trying to win the jackpot.
So, here is what those things with tails say while you are playing Dice-A-Roo.
And no, Apollo did not just make this completely useless article in hopes of
a trophy. And yes, Apollo does like to speak in third person.
A passing Blumaroo says…
“So, have YOU adopted a Blumaroo yet?”
Erm… no? *is brick’D*
“This job is so much better than being a bingo ball.”
I’ll bet, being tossed around in a metal cage is no fun, especially if old
people yell at you for not being O 15. Wait, this is your job to annoy
me and breathe down my neck?!?! *brick’D the Blumaroo*
“Do you know that you can earn loads of cool stuff by referring friends?.”
Actually yes, and did you know you can get a high school diploma for not ending
a sentence with a simple “?.” Did you?.
“Have you heard about the sixth dice - it's a secret!”
Well, it isn’t a secret any more… now is it blabbermouth?
“Put a NeoBadge on your site!”
HA! MAKE ME! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ha… ha… okay, I’ll stop.
“993 is such a lot of Neopoints!”
Uh, not really.
“10463 is such a lot of Neopoints!”
Very good! 10,463NP is a big improvement from 993NP! I see you’ve learned
some math! There is a 9,470NP difference!
“Take the money! Take the money!”
Huh? I don’t have any; I just lost all ten neopoints on that last roll… And
besides, that isn’t X-Treme enough!
“Please stop the Monocerous from eating all my friends :(”
Pft, the Monocerous can’t eat your friends, don’t worry! If he eats them,
they would die, and dieing is practically kind of almost illegal in Neopia,
duh! Why else can’t we really talk about it gruesomely in the Neopian Times?
Oh boy, that sure was important. I can’t think of a better way to spend five
neopoints than to let you yell “boing” in my ear. Yep, what a blast.
*strangles the Blumaroo*
“Tra la la”
Well, I have to compliment you. “Tra la la” is actually better than a simple
“boing.” I also that someone was repaired your wind pipe for you. It’s a shame
I had to ruin it before.
“Have you got a homepage for your pet yet???”
Actually, yes, no need to ask me about it, and no need to use three question
marks!!! I mean who else uses three punctuation marks… let alone three question
“Blumaroos love Nachos, I bet you didn't know that!”
I bet they do, now don’t eat too many, you’ll get fat. And no, since I just
won some, you can’t have mine.
“My tail hurts.”
Ha! What did I just tell you? If you didn’t eat so many of my Nachos, you
wouldn’t be fat so your tail wouldn’t hurt from having to support that immense
weight! Go eat a salad, no dressing!
“I think you can win faeries from this game :)”
I haven’t won them yet; I think you’re lying… :) And see if that faerie can
help you loose some weight, so it had better not be an earth faerie.
Oh geez, it seems that you have lost and have to turn in your pile of dung,
I mean neopoints. That is just so awful, losing 7NP just like that.
Well, since your wonderful ultimate X-Treme game of Dice-A-Roo ends with that
statement, I will end mine with this: Once you get the avatar, never ever play
this game ever again. Just wait for Dice-A-Roo II; it is on the Coming Soon
page. It should be here by the time I leave for college.