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65 Ways To Get Yourself Chased By an Angry Mob


by island_faerie10

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RUNNING DOWN THE STREET - It’s everyone’s greatest dream to be chased by an angry mob. Yup, the torches, pitchforks, the angry yelling and tomatoes. How much better does it get? But that’s not what I’m here to tell you. I am going to help you make your dream come true. In true medieval fashion. I mean, Meridell doesn’t hold a pitchfork to the angry mobs of tomato-throwing peasants that will hunt you down, so long as you follow my careful direction. People will be so annoyed by you that they’ll just have to chase you down in Angry Mob form. The whole key is to disturb, annoy and/or otherwise infuriate as many people as possible. But first, you need to know how to recognize a mob.

OK, if there is a crowd of angry Neopians chasing you, with torches, pitchforks and/or the optional throwing of tomatoes, you’ve got yourself a mob. The bigger and angrier the mob is, the better. As soon as the start chasing you, run. Really run. Chances are they’re hunting you down to feed you to Turmaculus.

Great places to find angry mobs are outside the National Neopian, The Wheel of Monotony and Meridell. Meridell is famous for it’s angry villagers who, when they’re not counting vegetables, are prone to randomly riot. That’s what too many vegetables does to you.

So, for all of you who are just dying to be hunted down by rioting peasants, all you have to do it follow this, 65 Ways To Get Yourself Chased By An Angry Mob:

1. Whenever you see a NeoHome made of jelly, proceed to eat through the living room. (Yum!)

2. (HAHAHA)Laugh (HAHAHA)hysterically (HAHAHA)whenever-anyone-tries-to-begin-a-sentence.

3. Talk to the Lawn Gnomes on the lawns of your neighbors.

4. Insist Jelly world Exists. (Which it doesn't)

5. Launch Neggs at passersby from the roof of your NeoHome. (Muhahahaha!)

6. Try and eat the Food Shop in Neopia Central. (I have always wanted to try that...)

7. Sabotage the Tombola Stand.(DOWN WITH THE TOMBOLA TYRANT!)

8. Insist that Bottled Sand has feelings too. (Which it does. You didn’t know that? Great, look...you made Lulu cry!)

9. Wear rain boots*squeak!* and make*squeak!*them squeak on wet *squeak*floors whenever possible.

10. Tip over the Wheel of Excitement. Twice. Do it again and insist “third times a charm”

11. Have other people’s petpets try and wake Turmaculus.

12. Point and laugh when Petpets are eaten by Turmaculus.

13. Cheat profusely at round Table Poker.

14. Post huge signs all over Faerieland giving the exact position of Fyora’s Hidden Tower.

15. Lie about the location of the Hidden Tower. (Which, by the way is in Tyrannia.)

16. Sell cheap items for ridiculous prices.

17. “Accidentally” turn on your portable heater in the Slushie Shop.

18. Donate large amounts of Rotten Omelette to the Money tree.

19. “Borrow” Items from players (preferably expensive) and then go wander through Pant Devil Territory, shouting, “COME AND GET IT!”

20. Shout “MUHAHAHAAA!” randomly when in large crowds. Over and Over again.

21. Purposely step on peoples feet. Hard. Often.

22. Create a guild dedicated to Jelly, and when you get 200 members, delete it.

23. Talk like you be a pirate. All the time. Arrr...AVAST!

24. Give out false directions on How To get a Krawk. Preferably including buying many expensive items.

25. Promise items to friends and then deny it.

26. Deny everything everyone says.

27. Whenever you pass a Uni on the street, laugh hysterically and point.

28. Same goes for Kikos.

29. And JubJubs. And Chias.

30. Get a paint brush and paint Edna’s tower vibrant pink.

31. “Accidentally” confuse Sympathy cards with get Well Cards.

32. Beg for NP.

33. Beg for Items.

34. Beg.

35. Repeat things over and over. Repeat things over and over. Repeat things...OW!

36. Sit on top of the Statue in Neopia central and drop jelly on people’s heads. Or glue.

37. End every sentence you say with, “In accordance to the Grand Prophecy of *your name here* The Mystic.

38. When someone finishes telling a long story, ask them to repeat it. Again. And Again.

39. Toss explosives into the Cooking Pot.

40. Pull that adorable curl on Myncis tails.

41. As often as possible, skip while humming loudly out of tune.

42. Dive on people's feet screaming, “SHOE!”

43. When attending an “I Love Kikos!” ball, publicly announce you’re starting a Kiko Hater Guild.

44. Be late for everything. All the time. On purpose.

45. Only feed your pets cheese. On Wednesdays. At four o’clock.

46. Neglect to remember to PetPet sit for your neighbor.

47. Shout ASPARAGUS at ASPARAGUS every ASPARAGUS other ASPARAGUS word. ASPARAGUS!

48. Insult your friends in a foreign language.

49. Insult your enemies in a foreign language.

50. Insult random people. NOT in foreign language.

51. Invite Friends over for dinner and serve food from the Haunted Woods.

52. Fill your Safety Deposit Box with your extensive collection of Dung.

53. Randomly shout strange phrases in the middle of conversations. Like, “MY WOCKY ATE A WET SNOWBALL!” and “THAT ACARA LOVES PICKLES!” Repeat.

54. Scream hysterically and when someone asks what’s wrong, insist they’re imagining things.

55. Say “Jelly Blobs of Doom” (preferably in singsong voice) over and over again until physically restrained.

56. Insist on wearing large banana-shaped hats. All the Time.

57. You know that huge Chia statue in Neopia central? Paint a mustache on it and insist you were expressing your creativity.

58. Leave piles of dung collected at Meridell Acres under all your neighbor’s pillows.

59. Point and laugh at other Neopians whenever possible.

60. Post confusing riddles in the NeoBoards and then neglect to post the answers.

61. Tie jingle bells to your socks.

62. Blow off every faerie quest you get.

63. Find out which Poogle has the most money betted on it. Then stand in it’s lane on the racetrack.

64. Take the good jobs at the employment agency, then don’t do them. Or get someone to do it for you.

65. Wear a bright red cape saying “*your name here* The Fabulous.” Insists everyone hail you and, when in your presence, kiss your feet.

Once you’ve done everything on that list, people will simply loathe you. Soon, they’ll gather into huge crowds, holding signs with slogans like, “DOWN WITH THE TYRANT!” Then, all you have to do is distribute torches and pitchforks. Tomatoes are optional. Then, you’ve pretty much got an angry mob bent on your destruction. A dream come true.

Note: I take no responsibility for any angry mobs, masses of infuriated peasants and/or otherwise any harm coming to anyone by way of Angry Mobs, tomatoes and/or slushies that may/may not have resulted because of the reading of this article.

 
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