The Random Events that Never Made It

ALL AROUND NEOPIA - Random events. They’re something that all Neopians experience. “What are random events?” some may ask. Well, they’re events that are... um... random! Yeah, that was a great article starter. Go me.

So, more about random events. Random events have been appearing randomly since the early days of Neopia. They range from the cherished and prized visits from Jacko, to the pointless (not to mention annoying) event where Queen Fyora summons you to Faerieland.

But lately I’ve been thinking... I’m kind of getting tired of the same old random events. I’m bored with the happy red Poogle that’s always saying hi, I’m sick of Adee the Chia telling me things I already knew about Neopets, and I hate it when the Pant Devil steals my precious codestones.

And I know some of you may enjoy these, but I have a common problem where I get bored. Easily. And when I get bored I tend to act very strange and start talking and talking and talking about pointless stuff like how I get bored easily and I keep talking until I bore someone else and create very long sentences. Take now, for instance.

So, I decided to write this article and fill it with parodies of some of those random events that you may receive. If Neopets had the following random events, trust me, things would be much more, uh, interesting. Yeah, very interesting.

    Something has happened!

The Pant Devil has not robbed you! In fact, he has decided to quit his job as a thief and take up knitting.

    Something has happened!

SLOTH FIRES HIS RAY GUN AT YOU!

Your [insert random item here] has turned into a cute plushie of LOVE!!! Awwww!

    Something has happened!

A red Poogle hops past and says ‘Die!’ (0_o…)

    Something has happened!

Dr. Sloth appears and asks you where the nearest bathroom is!

    Something has happened!

Your Neopet's stomach is not rumbling. In fact, he/she is quite bloated.

    Something has happened!

Congratulations, you found the Secret Mystery Island Treasure of absolutely nothing! Don’t spend it all in one place!

    Something has happened!

Your Neopet has come down with a bad case of ‘Ihatethisrandomeventitus’!!!

    Something has happened!

Your pet has found a captured faerie! But he/she decides to let her go without even getting a blessing. Haha - I mean, tough luck. =(

    Something has happened!

The Lava Ghoul floats on this page and asks for directions on how to get out of your computer!

    Something has happened!

A Scorchio in a lacy pink tutu hands you a Trading Card and says “Hey, don’t look at me. Someone’s gotta do this job...”

    Something has happened!

All your Neopoints have been stolen, and all your items, and all your pets are sick, and your stocks have vanished! And it wasn’t a dream.

    Something has happened!

An ominous looking Red Pteri flies by and says, "No more down for maintenance pages! Ever!”

    Something has happened!

Dr. Sloth has deemed you worthy of using his image on the NeoBoards! ... But then he sees some other pathetic soul and gives it to them instead.

    Something has happened!

It’s raining... water?

    Something has happened!

GRUNDO MUST ANNOY SOMEONE!!! GRUNDO WILL USE THIS RANDOM EVENT AND TALK IN THIRD PERSON TO ANNOY YOU!

    Something has happened!

Oh look, a delicious biscuit is on the floor. You bend down to pick it up and – Hey! This isn’t a biscuit! It’s a muffin!

    Something has happened!

The Black Pteri sits on a fence post howling doom and misery for all to hear. You pay it 1000 Neopoints and it gladly shuts up.

    Something has happened!

You find a Vanilla Waffle Cone on the floor! Ew, is that a hair in it?

    Something has happened!

Jacko the Phantom Painter has given you a [insert expensive and incredibly rare paint brush here]!!! Then you are completely trampled by a mob of greedy Neopians and lose the paint brush in the process.

    Something has happened!

The golden Pteri flies overhead, but none of your pets are Pteris so he showers you with dung. Ewwwwww, someone’s cranky....

    Something has happened!

Ohhh how cute! It seems [your neopet] has a Mootix in its mouth. You’re about to remove it and sell it for a fortune, but he/she swallows it.

    Something has happened!

Brrrrr, it’s cold in here. I don’t care if you’re currently in the Lost Desert or some other warm place, it’s COLD.

    If you’re still reading this, I’d give you a cookie. But I ate it already. So anyway, that was just a small list of the many random events that will probably never EVER be created. I can tell you’re very disappointed. *sarcasm*

Even though I think that some of these non-existent random events are interesting, I wouldn’t want to have them haunting and spamming others all over Neopia. I just wanted to give you all a taste of how scary and odd random events can be.

I mean, the real ones, despite how I can occasionally get bored with them, can still be scary. One second, you’re playing Snow Wars. The next, you have the Ghost Lupe telling you how your neopet would make a delicious meal. Just five minutes ago, I got one where a ghost just grinned at me. A few days ago, a Scorchio said he hoped I was having fun. And I think everyone’s gotten that one where the Monocerous tells you how many Wockies he’s eaten in the past month.

And the scariest thing is, you never know when they’re going to happen. They can happen when you’re lounging in your Neohome, playing Dice-a-roo, or while you’re annoying the shopkeepers in Neopia Central. Anytime and anywhere in Neopia, a random event can strike. Just be careful and- ACK! I was just told I should buy a gourmet food worth over 100,000 Neopoints for my neopet. And she’s not even hungry! *sigh*

Anyway, be careful and beware of random events! Except the kind where you’re given an island paint brush, you don’t have to be so afraid of those.

Now I must finish, so here are my final words: Achyfi, or Neocola? ... What?! I think it’s an interesting question!