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The Real Enemy...Feepits


by marenaanne

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I have read many an article on Neopets, and everyone thinks the same thing, Meepits are evil, hypnotic creatures that wish to take over Neopia. That is not true, for you are all missing the REAL enemy. Take one good guess. That’s right…the Feepits. Of course you are all thinking, why would such a cute, innocent looking creature wish to rule Neopia. That is what I am going to explain.

First, let’s get the point across. Meepits are NOT evil. Why then, have they taken over the Caption Competition, befuddled many with the challenge of an avatar in their mind boggling game? Why do they seem to appear around every corner? The answer is simple, Meepits wish to become…(drum roll please)…popular. Yes, popular. So please, satisfy these poor Meepit’s hearts. Ask for their autograph.

Now onto the topic. Feepits. Why on earth are they evil? Here are 5 reasons why.

1. Their innocent looks. Why wouldn’t it deceive the unfortunate souls who purchase these Petpets? They look cute now, but just you wait. One day they shall show their true looks, when they take over.

2. They’re cheap. That, of course, is part of their little known scheme. First, they will make millions by selling themselves to countless Neopians as cheap Petpets. Then they shall make their dastardly dreams come true, they shall take over.

3. Their language. As you know, most Feepits say Feep. Why wouldn’t villains unlike themselves say Feep? That, of course, is a much more evil word than Meep, which many mistake as a word of evil. Feep is much worse, for it starts with the dreaded “F” One of the most evil of villains has a name starting with “F”…Dr. Frank Sloth himself. Note the “F” in his first name.

4. Polka Dots. What evil villain does not have polka dots? I know for a fact that Kass himself wore polka-dotted underwear. (Oops, that was supposed to be our secret…hehe) Masila herself even has polka dots on the bottom hem of her dress. Polka dots are evil, folks, I highly advise to stay clear of them next time you go shopping for new clothes.

5. The final and most vital part of telling the Feepits are evil…(drum roll again, please)…Asparagus. They eat asparagus. That, comrades, is the dastardliest thing that not evil villains like Dr. Sloth could bear to do. Only one other has eaten the vile vegetable, and that is one we know very well, Adam. Let us hope he does not turn into a Feepit himself, because asparagus is an evil vegetable. One bite will make you keep on eating, and the more you eat, the more evil you become.

Yes, it is true. The Feepits were once kind-hearted creatures that loved flowers and nature. But then, the Feepits found asparagus, and one bite changed them forever. So be wary, do not eat the evil asparagus, there’s no turning back after as little as a nibble.

If you are still not convinced that Feepits are evil, hear this one last evidence of their evilness. Their curse upon Meepits. Have you all not wondered why anyone who stares into the eyes of a Meepits is forced to do their bidding? The Feepits have cursed the Meepits into this hypnotic life, for the Meepits once stopped the Feepits from taking over Neopia, long before most of you were on. So, the Meepits have lived. Have you ever seen a worse evil then this, cursing ones who saved Neopia? (Well, I have seen worse, those Feepits stole my cheese a week ago…*sobs*)

Now comes the challenge, how to get rid of them. If the Meepits have done it, so can you comrades. Only two things can rid the world of Feepits, and that is pie. Not the math phrase we use for circumferences, the pie we all know, eat, and love. Many different kinds can be used against a Feepit, but pumpkin pie seems to work best.

Of course, you’re wondering how pie could get rid of a Feepit. Simple, they’re allergic. If they even sniff pie, you’ll get one out of you home forever. Of course, that probably won’t be the last Feepit to come into your house, so stock up on pie and you’ll be safe.

There is another way to get rid of Feepits, but a much more difficult way. What you must do is get a supply of water guns for you and your pets. Feepits dread water. If an unlucky person owns a Feepit, they’ll find bathing it to be literally impossible. The seemingly innocent Feepit will wail like it the end of Neopia, squirm out of their hand, and run away to the nearest closet. You see, if you manage to hit a Feepit with water, they will burst into purple fireworks. (Your baby Neopets will love it!)

One more thing must be done to get rid of those Feepits. You must resist the temptation to buy them! No matter how cute and innocent their looks, no matter how cheap they may be, no matter how easy they say Feepits are to care for, do not buy them! It is only part of their plan, become neomillionaires and take over the world with expensive machines! So you must resist, the fate of Neopia depends on it.

If you are still convinced that these “innocent” little things aren’t here to destroy us all, be wary. Your brand new Feepit will soon strike upon you and your pets. No matter how cute, they will eat your cheese and destroy you all. You shall see, soon enough you shall see, and then you’ll wish you had listened. Unless, of course, you’re secretly allying with the Feepits…*shifty eyes*

So folks, like I keep saying, be wary. Resist buying Feepits, make lots of pie, and always keep a water gun handy. You’ll never know when they’ll start attacking. And please, ask the poor Meepits for their autograph, they really deserve it you know. They saved you once, though they may not be able to again…*shifty eyes*

 
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