Dueling Quills: The Neoboards
Also by springsteen0991
This is the first article of the Neopian Times Appreciation Guild’s newest
project: Dueling Quills. Dueling Quills is an article collaboration between
two unskilled, I mean professional debaters that argue certain points on topics.
Prepare yourself for a wild, slightly insane argument between Springsteen0991
and Laura3105... Oh, those names are too long aren’t they? Springsteen0991 will
be called... ‘Guy,’ and Laura3105 will be referred to as ‘Zaffigirl,’ hence
her obsession with Zafaras. Oh! I can see the debaters entering the arena right
now! Let’s see what they have to--
Zaffigirl: Shut up, you, let's get to the action. Hello, people! I am
Zaffigirl. Straight to the point - I do not like the Neoboards. In fact, I like
them as much as mustard. Gasp - Mustard? Yes, I hate them that much. The Boards
are full of spam and off-topic things and... more spam. And the noobs… They
make me shiver. Shivery shiver. I am shivering now. Shiver. Anyone who can withstand
a noob is… odd. Very odd. Like the Neoboards – they’re odd. I shiver with the
oddness of it all. Anyway, the truth is that the Neoboards are rubbish. So I
am just being honest. So there. *shivers*
Guy: Enough of her mumbling. My name is Guy, and I am the one with the
better opinion on this topic. I believe that the Neoboards are the best thing
to ever come to Neopia. A feeling of warmth and happiness comes over me whenever
I even mention them. I feel all bubbly inside right now. Bubbles. Warmth. Absolutely
no shivering. I even like them as much as I enjoy collecting avatars. Yes, collecting
avatars is one of my hobbies. Please do not smite me, as there is a reason for
collecting these things: To show them off on the Neoboards, of course! Where
else can you brag about a 50x50 image under your username? And where else are
you able to meet such interesting, literate, people? The Boards are a place
of unity where everyone gets along.
Zaffigirl: Everyone gets along? Yeah, right. One thing I hate about
those darn Boards is the NeoHTML. Sure, you have big, flashy, multicoloured
font, but can anyone actually read it? No. I mean, look; *produces giant sign
with huge, flashing, multicoloured font imprinted on it* Can you read that,
Guy? I bet you can’t. My point is proved. Oh, and people have NeoHTML that reads;
‘Shut up I’m talking -insert post here- OK you can talk now’ and, for people
who don’t know this is possible, it is offensive. I’ve seen it happen. Now,
how is everyone getting along there, huh?
Guy: OMG, NeoHTML is a sign of uniqueness! How would you like it every
person you ever talked to had the exact same voice? We use these cool flashy
fonts so that we can express ourselves, and we offend nobody. And it is rude
when people talk when we are talking! Besides, sometimes it's helpful when people
say "You may talk now," I mean, how else are you supposed to know when to talk?
Zaffigirl: ‘OMG’! ‘OMG’?! You see, the Boards are filled with people
who can’t talk properly. I mean, what’s the point of talking with someone if
they can’t even spell?! Or someone who doesn’t even know when to start talking?
That’s going to make a good conversation. You know when to talk when
the post finishes. You understand? Why is everything so hard to comprehend…?
The only thing hard to comprehend is why people must do this. It causes innocent
bystander’s brains to implode…
Guy: We can write however we want to! Sometimes it's difficult to type
so many letters. Besides, I'm the one comprehending everything here, you're
the one that doesn't understand the excellence and genius of the Board dwellers.
Speaking of Board dwellers, there's no such thing as an innocent bystander,
everyone is free to leave or stay on the boards. If they don't like us, they
can leave! We don't chat and make flashy fonts to annoy you 'innocent bystanders,'
we do it so that we can please people's eyes with so many pretty colors! If
you don't like bright colors, just ask us to change our fonts to a darker pretty
Zaffigirl: Excellence? Genius? No, these are the people who think a
few posts will give them millions of NP. And those who will fall for many other
scams. A happy little newbie will go along to the Boards and say hello. A scammer
will pounce, telling the newbie that if they give the scammer all their NP and
items, they’ll get a million NP. The newbie then falls victim to one of the
many scary people of the Boards. The scary people who also, for some reason,
insist on posting ‘bump’ after ‘bump’ after ‘bump’. What exactly is a
bump?! Well, it can’t be as bad as the chain letters. How can anyone believe
that you’ll get millions of items and NP with just a few posts? The scary Board-dwellers,
that’s who. They are really scary, actually - they're people who will immediately
hate you if you politely tell them to change their font. So there.
Guy: Okay, there is NOTHING wrong with bumps. Every time you post the
board gets knocked up to the top of of the page, and it is quite necessary for
your board to be at the top of the page for anyone to see it! How else should
we attract people to chat with at our boards? As far as chain letters and scammers
go, I barely see ANY these days. Obviously after testing them out myself, I'm
almost 100% sure that they do not work, and I'm sure most people think so too.
Scammers don't stand a chance against us intelligent Board dwellers either,
we're the cream of the crop! So yup, everyone is happy and honest on the Neoboards.
And we don't get too angry when you ask us to change our fonts... It's
just very annoying because you have to go all the way to 'Board Preferences'
and change the color and - ugh! It's so time consuming!
Zaffigirl: Bumps are spam! Spam is not allowed! Do you really want an
angry mob chasing you just over a little board? If no-one comes to your board,
just accept it! You can make another one later. As for chain letters and scams,
well, I think you need to look at those Boards a little more closely! The Boards
are full of junk like that. And you’re not helping, testing them out! Chain
letters are spam, spam is not allowed, and you’ll get another angry mob chasing
you! The angry mob doesn’t care if you’re the ‘cream of the crop’ or not… And
I’m pretty sure you’re ‘not’. Nor are you ‘happy’ or ‘honest’… Wars break out
all the time over off-topic boards – even some on-topic boards get attacked.
You board-dwellers get upset really easily. I mean, it’s not that hard to get
to Board Preferences!
Guy: There is no such thing as spam. All messages have a meaning,
and in some cases the meaning is to find a Desert Paint Brush and two million
Neopoints when you post it twenty times! Which is why I just don't see why you
don't appreciate the Board dwellers' creativity. We come up with great new ideas
for chain letters and spiffy eye-scorching fonts every single day! Gosh. I can't
believe you had the nerve to say that we get angry really easily!
Zaffigirl: Well, a post that just says ‘hi wazzup’ is hardly meaningful,
is it? Nor is some jabber about finding paint brushes and a million NP if you
post a few times. It doesn’t work, so it has no meaning! I don’t see any meaning
in your ‘creativity’, either. All your creativity seems to be is finding outrageous
spellings for any word you can’t be bothered to spell properly. Or using numbers
for letters... How weird! Why must you all do that? You just get labeled as
a noob. Really, being a noob is not nice. So don't do it!
Guy: Talking with numbers is NOT stupid. I have no idea where you got
that idea from. You seem to think that all of the important aspects of being
a nice Board dweller: posting fun chain letters, bumping up boards, using bright
fonts of doom are all acts of stupidity. I can tell you here and right now that
we can do whatever we want and we don't care if we're labeled 'noobs.'
Maybe that's just the way we are!
Zaffigirl: Yeah, it is the way you are. And guess what? No one
Thank you, debaters for participating in this event. Well done Zaffigirl!
...I mean, good job to both of you. This has been a Neopian Times Appreciation
Guild production, thank you for coming, and goodnight.