The Avatar Depression II

I glanced at my list of today's clients. I sighed; avatars never seemed to make things better. They kept making people's and pets' lives worse. I have done this many times before, and once I have shone it to the public, it did not help the avatar craze. I have helped hundreds, possibly thousands individually, but the public just doesn't get the message. However, for the second time, I will publish my work so all may see the pain, the horror, The Avatar Depression.

My first client should be arriving soon, and Cairo, my cloud Bori, baked up some refreshments for after the poor victims' sessions. Kolton and Bryce were acting as guards, making sure no uninvited guest would arrive. My newest pet, Trobee, was outside, ready to check in the clients. My other four pets? They were… I actually don't know…

Meanwhile, on Kreludar…

"Hurry up guys! We can't let Sloth find the Super Kreludite!"

A Jetsam, Peophin, Moehog, and Ruki prepare themselves for a battle against the ultimate evil…

Where ever they were, I'm sure it wasn't important.

Victim #1- An Anonymous Faerie Grundo

Apollo: Hello, so… what's wrong with you?

Grundo: Well, I am a radiant Faerie Grundo with great black and blue pinions. Everyone wishes they could be me…

Apollo: *rolls eyes*

Grundo: So, being painted Faerie, it is only natural that people come to admire my beauty. However, ever since the Faerie Grundo avatar came out, my beauty has been abused! Everyone keeps staring at me, and it is very depressing. It's like I have a huge pimple on my forehead or something!

Apollo: Erm, miss, you do have a pimple on your forehead.

Grundo: *cries* I know! Why'd you have to point it out! *slaps Apollo and runs*

Victim #2- A Pile of Ashes

Apollo: Why would a Pile of Ashes be affected by avatars?

Ashes: Because I am Lord Kass, *cough* former *cough* Ruler of the Darigan Citadel! Bow down to me!

Apollo: Sorry, I support Meridell, Kayla rocks!

Ashes: Fair enough. Anyways, I am Lord Kass, or at least what is left of me. However, the Whack-A-Kass Avatar has totally lowered my self-esteem, and I even tried to stop it by torturing that young Blumaroo. All that the avatar does is encouraging everyone to play it. Morguss was even playing it one day!

Apollo: Why don't you just ask them to stop?

Ashes: Hmm… I don't know! Thanks, I'll see if anyone will listen!

Victim #3- An Anonymous Poogle

Poogle: Hi…

Apollo: Hello, what's up?

Poogle: Nothing good…

Apollo: *mutters* Obviously…

Poogle: What?

Apollo: Erm, nothing. So, what have avatars done to you?

Poogle: They made me loose my petpet. I had a Spardel, his named was Lucky. I loved Lucky, more than I loved anything else. However, one day while we were in Meridell, my owner told me to visit the Turmaculus with Lucky. I did, and Lucky tap danced for him. Then Mr. Turmy ate him! It was awful… *cries* …and my owner was happy!

Apollo: Did you do anything to make you feel better?

Poogle: Actually, yes. I got a new petpet. Lucky's Grave! *holds up a Halloween Rock*

Apollo: Interesting…

Sir Hefferton: HOLD UP!

Victim #4- Sir Hefferton

Hefferton: Sorry sah', I couldn't wait, wot!

Bryce: We couldn't hold him back!

Kolton: Yeah, sorry, Apollo…

Hefferton: Don't mean ta' inta'rupt, ya know!

Poogle: He can interrupt, I need some time to cry… *sobs*

Hefferton: Jolly good ol' chap!

Apollo: Okay, what's wrong?

Hefferton: As ya know, I'm the competitor ya must defeat n' Gourmet Club Bowls to pass the blinkin' qualifying round. People play the game all the time trying to get that blinkin' avatar, but some of them are bloody poor sports, wot! Ifs I beat em' they call me names! Like… like… fat!

Apollo: That's awful! Do you do anything to help you?

Hefferton: Well chap, whenever I'm sad, I… I… EAT!

Poogle: *stops sobbing* WHAT! *throws petpet at Sir Hefferton*

Apollo: Okay… you can both leave now…

Victim #5- An Anonymous White Weewoo

Note: This Weewoo is a petpet, and like all petpets, it cannot talk. I was able to understand this Weewoo because it used clippings from the Neopian Times to spell words.

Apollo: *gasp* You're a White Weewoo! You don't exist!

Weewoo: We most certainty do exist! I'm not here for you to stare at me in awe though.

Apollo: Yes… sorry…

Weewoo: I'm here because of the release of the Neopian Times Star Avatar. Tons of Neopians try to get in the Neopian Times each week, some mostly for the avatar. Unfortunately for me, some of them think I have the answer.

Apollo: You mean you don't?

Weewoo: *smacks Apollo* OF COURSE I DON'T! Crazy… that's why I'm here. They beat me up, attack me, and try to get me to do crazy Neopian Times rituals like sacrificing Usukis…

Apollo: *hides Fire Bush and a pile of Usukis* I'm sorry that they do that. Do you feel better?

Weewoo: No, I think I'll go attack some Meepits…

Victim #6- Jhudora

Jhudora: Fool! Bow down to me!

Apollo: Sorry, Kass and I already went through this. I support Meridell. Kayla and Illusen Rock!

Jhudora: I probably should turn you into a Pile of Dung, but I am in need of your services.

Apollo: So… what's up?

Jhudora: Fyora! That's what's up and high and almighty! I wish I was as well respected by Neopia and just as powerful…

Apollo: Ah, I meant…

Jhudora: Yes, of course. You see, you know I hand out quests for people to complete. However, some only do it for the Jhudora's Cloud Avatar. After I get used to seeing those Neopians often, they stop after twenty quests. Then they go to Illusen!

Apollo: Do you take your anger out in anyway? You know…

Jhudora: Actually, yes. I turn them into dung! Muahahahahaha!

Victim #7- An Anonymous Faerie Queen Doll

Doll: …

Apollo: Yes?

Doll: …

Apollo: Excuse me? I can't seem to hear you.

Doll: …

Apollo: This is totally hopeless… *throws doll out of the window*

Victim #8- An Anonymous Angelpuss

Angelpuss: Meow?

Apollo: Yes, this is The Avatar Depression client room. Can I help you?

Angelpuss: Meow!

Apollo: *gasp* Really!

Angelpuss: *nods* Meow, MEOW!

Apollo: That's horrible! Who is could possibly be that awful!?!

Angelpuss: Meow…

Apollo: Oh, I understand. No problem.

Angelpuss: Meow!

Apollo: Glad you feel better! I'm happy I could help.

"So…" my Gelert said as he walked up to me as I lay in my big soft chair exhausted, "how were the clients?"

"Fine…" I said. There wasn't much to do without the crazed victims so I sat on the sofa and started to eat a muffin.

"Hey," shouted Trobee from across the room, "you seem to have another client."

"I do not," I said as a sat up in my chair, "everyone scheduled has already been here."

"Well…" muttered my Quiggle. I soon froze in fright at what I saw.

Author's Note: Sorry about the delay of my article series-ish. My computer lost all memory when I had it already made, but I like this version better. I probably won't make another for a while, but they sure are fun to do!