Can You Count To Three?
It's the morning. Yes, the morning. What a splendid time
the morning is. Everything seems always so peaceful and serene, and the heavenly
light slowly begins to creep up upon the world of Neopia. Wait, what the cheese
am I saying?! I HATE MORNINGS! GRRRR! And trust me on this one, today ISN'T an
Oh, come on, how creative is that?! The story
starts off with a "brriing"! Can you guess what that sound is? No, it's not
a Snorkle vomiting, it's my stupid alarm clock driving me INSANE! Can you guess
what happens next?
"Zala, time to wake up!" Crazy, my fifteen year-old
owner, says. Her glasses are positioned in an awfully bizarre way, her hair
looks wild, and her clothes are completely ruffled. Just the way it should be.
You may find it uncanny that my owner's name
is Crazy. Well, it's not…for her, that is. Try to guess how many times I hear
kids talk about my owner's stupid name each day. Wow, I seem to be making you
guess quite a lot. Perfect! Just the way I want it!
"Okay, okay," I grumble to Crazy, "I'm getting
I roll myself off of my bed, and slam onto the
wooden floor. "Ow," I mumble. "Fine, I lied. I didn't get up, I went down."
Ten Minutes Later…
There's no point in telling you about me combing
my boring hair, me changing into my boring clothes, and me brushing my teeth
that has dozens of Mootix's stuck in the spaces! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!
Ten Minutes Later…
Wow, who knew breakfast could be so boring? Note
the wild enthusiasm. Crazy did her usual routine, dumping her head in her bowl
of cereal and laughing hysterically. Well, it's time to get out of this psychopathic
"Bye!" I call out, as I step outside into the
"Have a fun day at school, Zala!" Crazy yells
from the kitchen. "I can't wait to make Weewoo voodoo dolls with you when you
get back home."
I roll my eyes. "Riiight.."
At last, I begin my "walking to school". Ooh,
when will the excitement end?!
Thirteen Minutes Later (HAHA)…
I finally catch view of that horrendous building,
even though I don't want to. This is the building where pets are eaten by their
teache-uh, I mean, where pets are all perfect and get to LEARN! Oooh, how fun!
I slowly drag my feet into the schoolyard, clenching my teeth together. Not
too far away from me is a freak Chomby who's picking his nose, and behind me
is a Mynci who's rolling on the ground, looking cross-eyed. Why am I not surprised
that this is all happening?
I pick up the speed of my walking, and rapidly
enter the school building. Walk, walk, walk is all that I do. Wait, hold on.
Something feels different. No, not feel, smells…
Where's the rotten stench of Mrs. Kleckklahan's
old Pfish? I make my way to my class, this question stumping my mind. As I approach
my classroom, I can suddenly smell the sweet scent of lilacs. This can only
mean one thing: SUBSTITUE TEACHER! I feel like shedding tears of joy, and announcing
my happiness to the whole word of Neopia. Instead, I quietly keep to myself,
carrying only a small smile.
Unfortunately, to my deepest avail, the smelling
is dramatically different from the actual seeing. The moment I enter the classroom,
I can feel my stomach do a black flip. Sitting on Mrs. Kleckklahan's worn-out
wooden chair is a Mutant Usul, which just brings me to say that at this exact
moment I feel like screaming as loud as possible.
"Helloooo!" the Usul says to me. "Come in, come
in! My name is Ms. Insane, and I will be your teacher for the day!"
Oh come on, you have GOT to be kidding me! MS.
INSANE?! Fyora must hate me; that's all I can think! Without saying a word,
I haul me feet to my desk, which is of course in the very far back corner. Luckily,
I rather like it that way. I don't have to see the ugly faces of those pets
that annoy the living daylight out of me.
I plop down in my desk, and start doodling on
my piece of paper paper. A few minutes later, students begin to rush in and
chat with their friends. At last, the bell rings, announcing the start of the
"Class, class, please sit down!" Ms. Insane says
in an unnecessary whiny tone. "My name is Ms. Insane!"
I feel like crying when she says that.
"You may all be wondering why I'm here. Well,
Mrs. Kleckklahan is unfortunately sick today, so I will be your substitute for
The class immediately groans stridently, except
for me. I grumble, glaring at my classmates who actually like Mrs. Kleckklahan.
"Thank you, thank you!" Ms. Insane exclaims snobbishly,
not noticing that the students are unhappy that she's there. "Well, let's get
the day started! Our first lesson is Math!"
"Awwww!" my classmates whine. They reach for
their math textbooks in their desks, but Ms. Insane quickly cuts in.
"Please don't take out your pencil crayons! Today
is going to be a special lesson!"
The class exchanges confuse glances, but no one
bothers to say anything. Ms. Insane steps up to the board and grabs a piece
of ghostly white chalk. She then writes, "TODAY'S LESSON: COUNTING TO THREE!"
I almost burst out laughing from the sheer stupidity
of it all. Malayna, a red Kyrii who sits right beside me, raises her hand. Ms.
Insane points to Malayna. "Yes?"
"Uh, hate to break this to you, but we learned
how to count to three four years ago!"
Ms. Insane frowns. "No, no, you're completely
messed up! We're learning to count to three now!"
"Enough!" Ms. Insane abruptly yells. "Now, let's
begin. Repeat after me class: ONE!"
"ONE!" the class shouts back.
Ms. Insane shows a smile full of disgusting glee.
I seriously feel like that Snorkle who's barfing outside the window. Oh, don't
worry; it's only a figment of my imagination! Yeah, I have insane hallucinations,
if you didn't know. Or do I? Anywho, moving along with the story…
"GOOD!" Ms. Insane yells. "Now once more! ONE!"
"DUMPLINGS!" Damien, a yellow Skeith who's the
class clown, exclaims, laughing at the same time.
Ms. Insane immediately shoots her head towards
him, glaring. "COME HERE!" she roars, thrusting her finger towards the poor
Damien now looks rather nervous. He slowly stands
up from his char, and walks to the front of the class. He stares at the Usul,
his eyes wide with fear. Ms. Insane lowers her head till her three eyes are
exactly meeting the center of his eyes. "IT'S ONE," she hisses slowly.
In my mind, the only thing that I can imagine
happening next is Damien bursting into tears. It really wouldn't be surprising
to me. WOOHOO! I AIN'T SURPRISED! That poor ol' Skeith is now crying his heart
"I WAMMA MA MOMMY!" Damien cries.
Ms. Insane slowly pushes him out of the class
as he continues wailing, and then slams the door shut.
"MOVING ALONG!" she says. "The next number is
TWO! Who can say two?"
Malayna instantly shoots her hand up. Of course,
she's the teacher's banana. Or is that Neopet?
"TWO!" Malayana exclaims proudly. She smiles
dashingly, and throws her hair back in a slow motion. Suddenly, she tips to
far to her side and falls like a piece of brick to the ground.
"I'm all right!" is all that I can hear. I stifle
a giggle, my eyes dancing with lively amusement.
"Now, now, let's not get too over-excited," Ms.
Insane proclaims. "But still, good job! Now, the next and final number is very
tricky. It's MUCH longer then one or two, so bear with me. Who can say threee?"
No one raises their hand.
What a hypnotic and atrocious voice that is.
It sounds too beast-like to be an Usul, but not ugly enough to belong to Sloth.
Ms. Insane now seems frustrated. She paces around
the desks, staring at the students, expecting them to reply to her awfully difficult
inquiry. Unfortunately, to my disbelief, she halts right alongside my desk,
and turns her head towards me.
"Answer!" she snaps.
I gulp, staring back at her with wide, oblivious
eyes. I'm always so witty and charming when thinking, but when it comes to actually
talking to the person or pet, I deserve a -F.
"T-three…" I whisper nervously.
"WHAT?!" Ms. Insane exclaims obnoxiously.
"Three!" I say louder.
"THREE!" I yell, suddenly infuriated by my teacher's
My eyes bulge out of their sockets upon hearing
Ms. Insane's futile attempt at being a smart Alec. This teacher is thinking
way too much of herself if she thinks she can embarrass in front of the whole
I glare at Ms. Insane, my anger quickly fuelling
up. Finally, when I feel that I've reach an absolute boiling point, I stand
up and yell as loud as I can, "I SAID THREE, YOU UGLY, OLD BRUTE! ARE THOSE
EAR PLUGS I SEE STUCK IN YOUR EARS OR IS THAT JUST SMELLY, OLD EARWAX THAT I
PRESUME HAS BEEN PILING UP IN THERE FOR YEARS?! EITHER WAY, YOU PRETTY MUCH
LOOK AND SMELL LIKE A DESK FULL OF DUNG!"
My class instantly gapes at me in shock, but
I don't take the time to notice. I quickly pile all of my books in my arms,
and race outside of the classroom. I make my way through the humid hallways,
and finally make it outside.
I sigh, and breathe a waft of fresh air that
swiftly intoxicates my lungs. Relaxation spreads over my body, and I feel relieved
that I did what I did. I ponder for a few moments…
…I am so dead.
Uh…26 Hours Later? (What? I'm Not Good with
It's the next day, and I'm on my way to school.
The same thought from last night is painfully running through my head, What's
going to happen to me? What's going to happen to me? What's going to happen
Time is too quick for me to handle. Before I
can blink, I'm in the hallways of my school. All of my classmates are pointing
at me and grinning. Worst of all, they're whispering. Whispering about the events
that occurred yesterday. What a tortuous sign.
I pass the 1st grade classroom, and catch view
of Ms. Lullaby, the 1st grade teacher, and Ms. Stinky, the 2nd grade teacher,
"I really can't believe this!" I can hear Ms.
Lullaby say. "My students were left all by themselves in my classroom for the
whole day while I was in bed, sick."
Ms. Stinky frowns and asks, "Well, didn't the
school hire a substitute teacher for the day?"
"Of course they did! Her name was Ms. Insane,
but she never did end up coming to the classroom. However, it's quite a good
thing this happened. Later on during the day, the school found out that she
has a severe case of hallucinations, and usually sees different images that
other pets can't see."
"Hmmm, how odd. Do you think that had something
to do with her not coming to the school yesterday?"
"Oh, I guarantee it."
Author's Note: WHEET! Thankies for reading my story! Comments are so, so,
so, so appreciated! :D