Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 111,439,808 Issue: 182 | 17th day of Running, Y7
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Asparagus World - Could It Possibly Exist?


by midnight_tango

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Asparagus World? – I know many of you will be reading this title, and scoffing at it “No such thing” or “You’re crazy, there’s no way there can be an Asparagus World”. Well let me tell you one thing, my friends, I thought exactly the same way not too long ago.

Idly browsing the NeoBoards one day, I heard rumors that (*cough* excuse my grammar, I’m only giving an example) “lyk OMG Asparagus world EXISTS!”!11!!

Just like you do now, I merely scoffed at the statement. Asparagus World? I thought not.

Yet I couldn’t shake the thought as I headed back to my Neohome on Cairn Close, shopping bags full from a day of restocking in the main shops. So I got home, opened my shopping bags, and noticed I had bought (for a good price, too) a can of Chocolate and Asparagus Achyfi. I had barely noticed it in the store, thinking it simply Chocolate…but Chocolate and Asparagus?

Intrigued by this, I set out to discover a bit more on Neopia’s favorite vegetable. And while I was on this innocent trip, I discovered far more about this mysterious vegetable than I ever intended, and proof that Asparagus World may very well exists somewhere out there in the depths of Neopia…

And inevitably, people have questions before I start.

Q: Asparagus World? Where would it be?

A: Er, has anyone noticed that we only have access to ONE side of Neopia? What’s on the other side? Sure, they say Talador will be there some day, but I doubt it will take up the entire other half of the globe. Or Asparagus World could just be floating somewhere in the nether reaches of the universe. We don’t know…yet.

Q: How come no one ever thought of this before?

A: Trust me, people have. Maybe they didn’t just research their proof enough. Look, I went to the archives of the Neopian Times, and found a simple comic back from Week 17 hinting at the existence of this rumored place.

Q: OK, what’s your proof on this?

A: Proof? Fellow reader of the NT, I have more than enough proof. Just read on.

Adam is without doubt the creator and possibly ruler of Asparagus World. After all, he IS the one and only staff member with a curious obsession for the vegetable. Before you protest that ‘he just likes it, he couldn’t possibly make an entire WORLD devoted to it’, hear my proof first.

First of all, where does he get all his Neopoints?

People have speculated this for many years, and lamented about how impossible it is to get the Number Six avvie. There have been many theories over the years, from the Wishing Well to the shops to the Lever of Doom. And people insist that all your money you spend on the Wheels, those Deserted Fairground games and all that, goes to Adam.

That’s just silly. Your money you spend on Test Your Strength, Coconut Shy and Bagatelle goes to their respective owners of course. The Wishing Well uses the money to help the poorer Neopians. Shopkeepers need money to maintain shops of course. The money from the Wheels goes to Tyrannia, Faerieland and the Haunted Woods. And the Lever of Doom goes to – erm, well, that’s another story.

Adam gets all his Neopoints from his private little toy, his Asparagus World, of course. That’s the source of his income. Without Asparagus World, he’d have less than Donna.

And remember when it dropped to an all-time low? What was it? I don’t remember, but according to some people on the ‘Boards, it was once at a measly all-time high of 3 NP. That’s right, 3 Neopoints. What happened to all the money? Why did it all disappear like that?

The answer is simple. It went into the creation of Asparagus World, of course. And now that the place is running smoothly, he makes profit from it.

What’s up with the mice and spiders, and why does he smell of poo?

Hmph. He’s just afraid of mice and spiders, and has…erm, an overactive imagination. Right?

Maybe not. What if, around Asparagus Land, there really are giant mice and spiders? Perhaps he is afraid that one day, after they become their crossbreed of mice-spider of course, they will tire of hunting cheese and turn their sights to asparagus instead…

As for the poo smell, it’s not poo. Those silly Chias of his should know better; they’re asparagus themselves! No, it’s simply the smell of rotting asparagus. After all, he IS the ruler of Asparagus World, and after a hot day in the summer sun, I would imagine it smells…erm…interesting.

Why didn’t Adam ever finish the Guildmasters Dinner/Why is he so late in updating everything?

The answer is simple. He was too busy with ASPARAGUS WORLD! I mean, would you rather have your own kingdom of your favorite vegetable or go update some silly thieves’ dinner?

There you go. Adam is clearly the mastermind behind all this. Now, onto the famed vegetable itself…

Asparagus: Why is it a Cooking Pot item?

Asparagus is an ordinary vegetable. Its counterparts such as carrots, lettuce, broccoli, and all manners of things can be found at either the main Food Shop or the Health Food store. But why not Asparagus?

Asparagus can only be crafted at Jhuidah’s Cooking Pot on Mystery Island. TNT will probably yell at me if I tell you what it’s made from, but I can tell you that its ingredients are not simply dirt and seeds. Nope, there’s a lot more mystery going on with it. This just proves that asparagus has powerful magic capabilities.

Why is Adam so greedy about it?

Before you ask what I’m talking about, type ‘asparagus’ in the good ol’ search bar. Yup, there he is, King of All Asparagus: “You can’t have it, it’s all MINE!” Greedy little Adam. Why else would he have motives to do this? Why, to protect his precious Asparagus World, of course.

Where do Asparagus Chias come from?

Asparagus Chia Pops of course, you answer. But what sort of asparagus has the power, when blended with ice, to turn an ordinary NeoPet into a gigantic stalk of asparagus? That’s right, only asparagus from Asparagus Land.

Why are there asparagus items in the Hidden Tower?

Adam bribed Fyora into putting them there. Dur. And of course, he gets the Neopoints from them.

While we’re on the topic of Asparagus Items, take a look at some of the other strange creations I found from around Neopia…

Asparachucks – Hidden Tower item, priced at a mind-blowing (well, for me at least, since I’m not much of a BDer) 8 MILLION NP. Eight million Neopoints for two pieces of asparagus connected by a chain.

Hey, for that price I could buy a MSPP (TCG)!

Asparagus Dagger – Cheaper than its HT counterpart at 2.3 million, I find it just as silly (Battledomers, don’t kill me!). If I were a Battledomer, I’d spend my 2.3 million on something…more reliable.

Asparagus Powered Ray Gun – How can a ray gun be possibly powered from Asparagus? Only a super-powered uber-strong species of our favorite vegetable could possibly have the strength to power such a gun…but where does this super-strong asparagus COME from?

Glowing Asparagus – Ack! Another example of the super-mutation capabilities of asparagus. What normal asparagus would want to take on a glowing green cast, for Sloth’s sake? And again…who creates it, and where does it come from?

Asparagus and Chocolate Ach y fi – At least we know where this one comes from. The Achyfi companies of course. But who exactly thought up the FLAVOR? Don’t get me wrong, I love asparagus, and I love chocolate, but together? Blech. And why did the company ever make it? Who did they plan to market it to? Perhaps the inhabitants of a certain world?

Chocolate Asparagus – Yup, yet another example of the very odd flavor mixture of the one and only chocolate and asparagus. Again, seeing as no normal Neopian in their right mind (except for those with very odd tastes) would want to eat CHOCOLATE ASPARAGUS, where do they plan to make money off this item?

Faerie Asparagus – Though you don’t realize it, asparagus might slowly be taking over Neopia. Look, it’s even gone so far as to infiltrate Faerieland. Just more proof that maybe one day it (and/or Adam) are plotting to turn all of Neopia into one giant Asparagus Land…

There. I’ve concluded my simple little article on the speculations of Asparagus World. (What does ‘asparagus’ mean again)

And as you see, all these logical explanations point to the very fact, that there may actually exist an Asparagus World...we're just not smart enough to discover it.

So, of course, we can assume that Asparagus World exists, because everyone knows Jelly World doesn't exist...;)

 
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