Asparagus World - Could It Possibly Exist?
Asparagus World? – I know many of you will be reading this title, and scoffing
at it “No such thing” or “You’re crazy, there’s no way there can be an Asparagus
World”. Well let me tell you one thing, my friends, I thought exactly the same
way not too long ago.
Idly browsing the NeoBoards one day, I heard rumors that (*cough* excuse my
grammar, I’m only giving an example) “lyk OMG Asparagus world EXISTS!”!11!!
Just like you do now, I merely scoffed at the statement. Asparagus World? I
Yet I couldn’t shake the thought as I headed back to my Neohome on Cairn Close,
shopping bags full from a day of restocking in the main shops. So I got home,
opened my shopping bags, and noticed I had bought (for a good price, too) a
can of Chocolate and Asparagus Achyfi. I had barely noticed it in the store,
thinking it simply Chocolate…but Chocolate and Asparagus?
Intrigued by this, I set out to discover a bit more on Neopia’s favorite vegetable.
And while I was on this innocent trip, I discovered far more about this mysterious
vegetable than I ever intended, and proof that Asparagus World may very well
exists somewhere out there in the depths of Neopia…
And inevitably, people have questions before I start.
Q: Asparagus World? Where would it be?
A: Er, has anyone noticed that we only have access to ONE side of Neopia? What’s
on the other side? Sure, they say Talador will be there some day, but I doubt
it will take up the entire other half of the globe. Or Asparagus World could
just be floating somewhere in the nether reaches of the universe. We don’t know…yet.
Q: How come no one ever thought of this before?
A: Trust me, people have. Maybe they didn’t just research their proof enough.
Look, I went to the archives of the Neopian Times, and found a simple comic
back from Week 17 hinting at the existence of this rumored place.
Q: OK, what’s your proof on this?
A: Proof? Fellow reader of the NT, I have more than enough proof. Just read
Adam is without doubt the creator and possibly ruler of Asparagus World. After
all, he IS the one and only staff member with a curious obsession for the vegetable.
Before you protest that ‘he just likes it, he couldn’t possibly make an entire
WORLD devoted to it’, hear my proof first.
First of all, where does he get all his Neopoints?
People have speculated this for many years, and lamented about how impossible
it is to get the Number Six avvie. There have been many theories over the years,
from the Wishing Well to the shops to the Lever of Doom. And people insist that
all your money you spend on the Wheels, those Deserted Fairground games and
all that, goes to Adam.
That’s just silly. Your money you spend on Test Your Strength, Coconut Shy
and Bagatelle goes to their respective owners of course. The Wishing Well uses
the money to help the poorer Neopians. Shopkeepers need money to maintain shops
of course. The money from the Wheels goes to Tyrannia, Faerieland and the Haunted
Woods. And the Lever of Doom goes to – erm, well, that’s another story.
Adam gets all his Neopoints from his private little toy, his Asparagus World,
of course. That’s the source of his income. Without Asparagus World, he’d have
less than Donna.
And remember when it dropped to an all-time low? What was it? I don’t remember,
but according to some people on the ‘Boards, it was once at a measly all-time
high of 3 NP. That’s right, 3 Neopoints. What happened to all the money? Why
did it all disappear like that?
The answer is simple. It went into the creation of Asparagus World, of course.
And now that the place is running smoothly, he makes profit from it.
What’s up with the mice and spiders, and why does he smell of poo?
Hmph. He’s just afraid of mice and spiders, and has…erm, an overactive imagination.
Maybe not. What if, around Asparagus Land, there really are giant mice and
spiders? Perhaps he is afraid that one day, after they become their crossbreed
of mice-spider of course, they will tire of hunting cheese and turn their sights
to asparagus instead…
As for the poo smell, it’s not poo. Those silly Chias of his should know better;
they’re asparagus themselves! No, it’s simply the smell of rotting asparagus.
After all, he IS the ruler of Asparagus World, and after a hot day in the summer
sun, I would imagine it smells…erm…interesting.
Why didn’t Adam ever finish the Guildmasters Dinner/Why is he so late in updating
The answer is simple. He was too busy with ASPARAGUS WORLD! I mean, would you
rather have your own kingdom of your favorite vegetable or go update some silly
There you go. Adam is clearly the mastermind behind all this. Now, onto the
famed vegetable itself…
Asparagus: Why is it a Cooking Pot item?
Asparagus is an ordinary vegetable. Its counterparts such as carrots, lettuce,
broccoli, and all manners of things can be found at either the main Food Shop
or the Health Food store. But why not Asparagus?
Asparagus can only be crafted at Jhuidah’s Cooking Pot on Mystery Island. TNT
will probably yell at me if I tell you what it’s made from, but I can tell you
that its ingredients are not simply dirt and seeds. Nope, there’s a lot more
mystery going on with it. This just proves that asparagus has powerful magic
Why is Adam so greedy about it?
Before you ask what I’m talking about, type ‘asparagus’ in the good ol’ search
bar. Yup, there he is, King of All Asparagus: “You can’t have it, it’s all MINE!”
Greedy little Adam. Why else would he have motives to do this? Why, to protect
his precious Asparagus World, of course.
Where do Asparagus Chias come from?
Asparagus Chia Pops of course, you answer. But what sort of asparagus has the
power, when blended with ice, to turn an ordinary NeoPet into a gigantic stalk
of asparagus? That’s right, only asparagus from Asparagus Land.
Why are there asparagus items in the Hidden Tower?
Adam bribed Fyora into putting them there. Dur. And of course, he gets the
Neopoints from them.
While we’re on the topic of Asparagus Items, take a look at some of the other
strange creations I found from around Neopia…
Asparachucks – Hidden Tower item, priced at a mind-blowing (well, for me at
least, since I’m not much of a BDer) 8 MILLION NP. Eight million Neopoints for
two pieces of asparagus connected by a chain.
Hey, for that price I could buy a MSPP (TCG)!
Asparagus Dagger – Cheaper than its HT counterpart at 2.3 million, I find it
just as silly (Battledomers, don’t kill me!). If I were a Battledomer, I’d spend
my 2.3 million on something…more reliable.
Asparagus Powered Ray Gun – How can a ray gun be possibly powered from Asparagus?
Only a super-powered uber-strong species of our favorite vegetable could possibly
have the strength to power such a gun…but where does this super-strong asparagus
Glowing Asparagus – Ack! Another example of the super-mutation capabilities
of asparagus. What normal asparagus would want to take on a glowing green cast,
for Sloth’s sake? And again…who creates it, and where does it come from?
Asparagus and Chocolate Ach y fi – At least we know where this one comes from.
The Achyfi companies of course. But who exactly thought up the FLAVOR? Don’t
get me wrong, I love asparagus, and I love chocolate, but together? Blech. And
why did the company ever make it? Who did they plan to market it to? Perhaps
the inhabitants of a certain world?
Chocolate Asparagus – Yup, yet another example of the very odd flavor mixture
of the one and only chocolate and asparagus. Again, seeing as no normal Neopian
in their right mind (except for those with very odd tastes) would want to eat
CHOCOLATE ASPARAGUS, where do they plan to make money off this item?
Faerie Asparagus – Though you don’t realize it, asparagus might slowly be taking
over Neopia. Look, it’s even gone so far as to infiltrate Faerieland. Just more
proof that maybe one day it (and/or Adam) are plotting to turn all of Neopia
into one giant Asparagus Land…
There. I’ve concluded my simple little article on the speculations of Asparagus
World. (What does ‘asparagus’ mean again)
And as you see, all these logical explanations point to the very fact, that
there may actually exist an Asparagus World...we're just not smart enough to
So, of course, we can assume that Asparagus World exists, because everyone
knows Jelly World doesn't exist...;)