White Weewoos don't exist. *shifty eyes* Circulation: 110,063,363 Issue: 180 | 4th day of Running, Y7
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Warbler Vocabulary


by blubblub317

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Warbler stared dejectedly at the pile of homework that he had received just a few hours ago at Neoschool. Sitting on the wooden worn-out chair in the kitchen, he scratched his head as his large, red body shifted position. Masses of books were piled onto one another on the table, and crumbled pieces of paper were scattered everywhere.

     The Grarrl flipped open his Vocabulary book. His current dreadful assignment for English was to read seven chapters of the book, each chapter consisting of thirty-something pages.

     "Why, oh why, do they do this to us?" Warbler moaned, his mind already shutting down simply just by the view of all the homework. "Homework is more evil then cheese, and that's saying something."

     The Grarrl's stomach suddenly rumbled for some food as his eyes read the bold letters Chapter One. Knowing that he couldn't ignore his stomach's cries for help, Warbler stood up and paced to the kitchen cabinets where there would hopefully be some chocolate-chip cookies that Cassie had baked a few nights before. To his avail, nothing was there except for an old piece of yellow cheese that had somehow grown into a dark shade of puke-green.

     "Grrr, why did I have to eat all the cookies?"

     The feet of Warbler pounded on the marble flooring as he made his way towards the refrigerator. He swung it open, and unfortunately only a jug of water was there, lying still without disruption. But the disruption swiftly came, as Warbler slammed the door of the refrigerator shut, his temper rising.

     "I need something to eat!" he yelled.

     "We've run out of food!" a call abruptly came from the second level of the house.

     "Cassie, is that you?" Cassie was Warbler's sixteen-year-old owner.

     "Yes! And you're not eating anything until I go shopping and make supper! Understood?"

     Warbler's expression of hope dropped. He felt his stomach sinking as he plodded back into his chair. The Grarrl cocked his head around a few times to try and find anything that looked remotely yummy and edible. Suddenly, his eyes halted when they reached his vocabulary book from Neoschool. His tongue slowly slipped out of his mouth, and he began licking his lips. The book looked so scrumptious at the moment.

     Warbler reached out with his grimy red hands, and pulled the book towards his mouth. The title, "THE ULTIMATE VOCABULARY AND SYNONYM BOOK", seemed to be flashing at him dazzlingly.

     Come, eat me. I'll taste sooooo good.

      Warbler's eyes widened. "Wow, the book can talk!" he exclaimed, grinning sheepishly.

     Of course I can talk! I'm a magical and delicious book. EAT ME!

     Warbler couldn't resist the urge. He snatched the book and stuffed it entirely into his mouth, all in one piece. But that wasn't the case for long, as Warbler began tearing through it with his pointy canines. The book's pages almost tasted like chocolate to Warbler. It somehow melted in his mouth as he kept it there while also managing to rip through the hardcover at the same time.

     "Mmmm, it's so yummy," he said between bites. Soon, the whole book had made its way down to his stomach.

     Patting his belly, Warbler smiled contentedly. His stomach no longer ached for food and the sweet taste of paper still lingered in his mouth.

     "That hardback was amazingly lip smacking and top-notch," Warbler said to himself.

     A few seconds later, the Grarrl's eyes were as wide as saucers from the surprise of his remark. "What in buck teeth's forename did I just articulate?"

     His eyes grew even wider in size. Warbler threw his hand over his mouth, jerking his head around nervously. "Something is extraordinarily erroneous," Warbler exclaimed, pushing himself off of the chair. "Cassie, aid me! I'm a subsisting lexicon!"

     "What the heck did you just say to me?" Cassie exclaimed. The thud of her footsteps could be perceived as she run downstairs to the kitchen. Soon, she was in clear view, and a look of surprise was clearly implanted on her face.

     "I-I a-am not definite of what I am articulating," Warbler moaned, his words weaving with a tone of panic.

     Cassie took hold of her Grarrl's shoulders and shook him, as if it would help him spit the words out of his mouth. 'Warbler, are you sure you're all right," she said distinctively, each word loud and clear.

     Warbler shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. "I am not relatively certain, Cassie. I do not know what to do."

     Cassie brushed a few locks of auburn hair away from her eyes. Her eyes held a feeling of panic and terror. "Do you know how there's any possible way you could have gotten this…sickness?"

     Nodding his head, Warber sniffed as he gazed at the table. "I-I consumed, 'The Ultimate Vocabulary and Synonym Book,' that I acquired from Neoschool."

     His owner moaned, and clutched Warbler tightly in her arms. "Don't worry," she said, her mouth centimeters away from his ear. "We'll get you help right away. Everything will be fine."

     "I hope so Cassie. I can not stand this," Warbler whispered, shaking.

     **************

     The clouds were grey and moody as Warber and Cassie exited the house. The two were feeling depressed and anxious from this problematic situation, and the weather certainly displayed their emotions.

     "Where are we departing to?" Warbler asked as he shivered slightly under the chilly weather.

     Cassie heaved a sigh, taking long strides down the sidewalk. "Kauvara," she briskly replied. "She's the only one who will know how to sort a situation like this."

     Warbler nodded. "Kauvara? She provides me the jitters."

     **************

     It wasn't long before the clear image of Kauvara's Magic Shop in the Neopian Bazaar came into sight for Warbler and Cassie. They were walking more quickly then usual, for they wanted this big dilemma to just disappear instantly. Once stepping inside, the pair perceived a melodic little tinkle from a bell above, and out came Kauvara from the closet with her large, pointy hat.

     "Hello!" she greeted them politely. "How may I be a service to you two?"

     Cassie stepped up to the counter, looking more distressed then ever. "We need your help," she immediately stated, slamming down a pile of gold Neopoints on the oak counter. "My Grarrl, Warbler, is having a slight problem with his…speaking."

     Kauvara raised an eyebrow, and turned her attention to Warbler. "Let me hear you talk," she said.

     "I am in an immense quandary at the moment, and I require you to repair it," Warbler mumbled.

     Kauvara laughed, and then realized that doing this wasn't very professional when Cassie shot her a glare. "Hmm, well it seems to me that you must have eaten and swallowed something that contained all these big words."

     Cassie nodded. "He did. The Ultimate Vocabulary and Synonym Book."

     A glint of amusement flashed in Kauvara's eyes. "Well, the cure for this sickness is quite simple, but may take some time to complete."

     "We'll do anything," Cassie said. "Just as long as everything goes back to normal."

     "Well," Kauvara began, "I happen to know a little nifty book out there called, 'Everything That You Wanted to Know about Complicated Vocabulary and Synonyms Is NOT In Here!' ".

     "I'll take it!" Cassie exclaimed, shooting up her hand. "Where is it?!"

     "I have it with me. Quite fun and amusing to read, but only for ones that like humor."

     Cassie pursed her lips. "Sounds enjoyable," she muttered.

     "Well, the price for it is eighty-five thousand Neopoints. But since you two seem to be in quite a pickle, I'll lower it to sixty-five thousand. Sound like a deal?"

     The adolescent nodded. "Yes, yes, a deal. Now give it to me!"

     Kauvara rolled her eyes, and made her way to the back closet. A couple of seconds later, she re-appeared with a leather-bound book in her hands. The humorous title was imprinted on it clearly with glittery gold. "Here you go, miss. All your Warber here has to do is eat this book, and he'll be back to normal."

     Warbler gasped. "Not a chance, hoodwink! That tome has a leather swathe. I only eat hardbacks!"

     "Yes, I know Grarrl's hate leather," stated Kauvara, "but it's the really the only way that you can get back your normal vocabulary."

     A sigh emitted from Warbler's mouth. "I see. Well, if that's what must be accomplished, then of course I'll do it.

     Kauvara flashed him a cheesy grin. "Great! Good luck!"

     **************

     "I cannot do it. I just cannot."

     Sweat formed on Warbler's brow as his beady eyes stared at the book that lay on the kitchen table.

     Cassie gave him a little pat on his shoulder, and said in an assuring tone, "Yes you can, Warbler. I know that it's going to be horrifically disgusting, but you can do it."

     "Wow, I applaud you for your faith and reassurance. Just what I necessitate."

     "I'm trying to help, but I don't want to lie to you. I know it's going to be gross," stated Cassie.

     Warbler gulped, and took hold of the book. It almost looked like a thin crust of mucus and boogers combined were layered all around the book. The worst feeling ever jumped around in Warbler's stomach. It was one of disgust and terror.

     "W-what if I garrote on the volume?" whimpered Warbler. "What if I…die?"

     An annoyed expression formed on Cassie's face. "You won't. Just eat it, and we'll be done with this."

     Shaking, Warbler put the entire book in his mouth, and pressed down. Immediately, a rotten taste that felt slimy, yet crunchy, and slithery ran down the Grarrl's tongue. He gagged, and hopped around the room.

     "Iw wo gwoos!" Warbler moaned.

     "Eat it!" snapped Cassie. "Now! Or no dessert for you for a week!"

     Warbler's eyes bulged in terror, and he miraculously swallowed the book in whole. A feeling of pain sped through Warbler's chest as he felt the book take much of its space.

     "Finally, you did it! I thought you were going to take forever!"

     "Oh gosh, that was disgusting," muttered Warbler. "Worst tasting thing ever." Suddenly, his face lit up. "Omegee, I can talk NORMALLY! I CAN TALK NORMALLY! YAY!"

     "Good. Now I'll be expecting you to finish ALL of your homework for tomorrow, Warbler," snapped Cassie. "All right?"

     Warbler stopped in his tracks. He stood still for a second, and then began shaking.

     "Oh, what is it now?" groaned Cassie. "You keep wh--"

     All of a sudden, Warbler shot open his mouth, and out came a mound of vomit, landing directly on top of Cassie's head. He closed back his mouth instantly. "Sorry," he piped, scared out of his wits.

     Cassie stood still in shock.

     "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The End

This is a little simple tale that I wrote on a Saturday night, so that explains everything. ;P Anyway, Neomails, like always, are appreciated.

 
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