Odie's Halloween Haul: Reviewing Spooky Foods

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     11) Baked Intesteen (x1)

     First of all, WHY? Why would ANYONE think this is an acceptable thing to offer children? I get that it’s the spooky season, but this is taking it too far. I’m pretty sure it’s a real Intesteen, and that’s messed up. Who puts a petpet on a skewer? WHO? To make matters worse, the old Bruce who gave it to me dropped it into my bag before I could say no. These gross, slimy juices went all through my other candies and I had to throw them out. Not cool. Luckily, I had some more bags with me. My sister says it’s wrong to review food without tasting it, but I wouldn’t touch this thing with a ten-foot pole. It smells like puke.

     Rating: -9999/10

      10) Disturbing Gelatin (x1)

     I’ve seen Disturbing Gelatin in the stores before but never tried it. I always thought it was just a silly novelty food, but I was wrong. Now that I’ve brought it home, it seems almost sinister. The garish purple body. The blood-red eyes. The impossibly long tongue. The mountain range of razor-sharp teeth. The endless void of its mouth. It looks like it was made by an eldritch entity to wreak havoc on Neopia. To make matters worse, it glows in the dark. Mom screamed and threw it in the trash when she saw it, but it still haunts my nightmares. One day it will crawl back from the Rubbish Dump and get me. One day…

     Rating: 0/10

      9) Almost Gummy Rats (x80 strawberry, x16 grape)

     I love candy, but these rats are a disappointment. Ever since the Spooky Foods Shop changed suppliers, we’ve been getting cheap knock-off brands with names that don’t make sense. How can a rat be ALMOST gummy? Are they, like, actual rats with gelatin poured over them? I’m not sure. The lime ones are by far the best, but I didn’t get any this year. Most residents gave me the gross strawberry ones that taste like plastic. The grape-flavoured ones are kinda okay, but they still taste fake. I’ve eaten, like, five of them so far, but I think I’ll give the rest away.

     Rating: 1/10

      8) Snorkle Snout (x1)

     I don’t think this is a real snorkle snout, but I’m not sure. The taste reminds me of the pickled moehog feet my brother brought back from his expedition in the Lost Desert. I can’t say I liked the snout, but after I swallowed the last bite, something really weird happened. This random square thing popped into existence above my head. Mom says it’s called an avatar and that it’s really valuable. I haven’t worked out how to put it on the Trading Post yet, but I’m hoping that when I do, I can use the proceeds to buy a whole lot more candy!

     Rating: 3/10

      7) Bat Cookie (x9)

     These cookies are as plain as they come, but for some reason, it’s impossible to eat just one. They remind me of saltines in a way, but with less salt. There’s something so satisfying about the crunch of the wings when they break off. I wouldn’t choose this cookie over the higher-ranked items, but I wouldn’t turn it down if I was feeling peckish. The only thing I don’t like is that they get stale quickly once they’re out of the packet.

     Rating: 4/10

      6) Chocolate Korbat Ice Lolly (x1)

     Okay, so I technically didn’t get this from trick-or-treating. My sister bought it to cheer me up after the Intesteen incident. I’m just including it so she won’t bite my head off later. The milk chocolate coating is delicious, and the ice cream itself is pretty good too. Some neopets think it’s weird to eat ice lollies when it’s already cold out, but in my opinion, it’s never too cold to eat an ice lolly. Unless it’s minus a hundred degrees, I guess. Then you should probably unfreeze yourself first.

     Rating: 6/10

      5) Count Cross Buns (x6)

     As well as visiting houses, I stopped by a few bakeries for Halloween, and one of them was giving away these amazing buns. They’re like the ones you get for Easter, but they’re filled with strawberry jam instead of those gross, rock-hard currants everyone seems to like. The buns were soft and warm from the oven, and they oozed when you cut them open. Shoutout to the bakers at Ghouls’ Night Out! I’ll be back next year with a bigger bag, hehehe.

     Rating: 7/10

      4) Ghost Marshmallows (x28 regular, x2 magic)

     These marshmallows are great! So soft and fluffy, and they’re delicious in hot cocoa too. Some of the marshmallows I got had a weird blue glow around them, and the Ixi who gave them to me said that’s because they’re “magic,” whatever that means. They didn’t taste any different to the regular ones, and I don’t feel any different after eating them. My sister says they’ll give me superpowers, but it’s been three days, and I’m starting to think it was a lie to get me to shut up.

     Rating: 8/10

      3) Candy Corn Fizzy Drink (x2)

     I’ve had these drinks a few times, and to be honest, I like them more than real candy corn. There’s none of that distinctive, plasticky grossness. Just the concentrated sweetness of marshmallow, vanilla, and caramel oozing together in a triumph of fizzy perfection. If you pour it into a glass, you’ll see that the drink is split into three colours and that they stay separated even if you try to swirl them together. It’s witchcraft, man. There’s no other explanation. I wish I could drink this stuff year-round, but Mom says it’s bad for my teeth. (Pffft, what would she know?)

     Rating: 9/10

      2) Brain Candy Mix (x212)

     These candies are perfect for Halloween! There’s something for everyone. Some are sweet, others are sour. Some are hard, others are soft. You never know what you’re going to get, except that it will be both spooky and delicious. They’re not expensive either, so households can be generous in giving them out. (That was a hint, dear Neopians. Fewer Intesteens, more candy!)

     Ranking: 9/10

      1) Box of Skull Truffles (x1)

     These are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! They’re so smooth and rich, and the strawberry filling tastes like actual strawberries. The shape of the truffles is really neat too. I love everything pirate-themed, and skulls are quite pirate-y. It’s a shame there’s only six in a box, because I could easily eat ten times that. A nice Lupe gave me the whole box because he liked my costume so much, and honestly, his kindness may have influenced me to make these number one. Mom says they’re super expensive and I should be grateful for what I get, but if anyone wants to send me some more, I wouldn’t complain!

     Ranking: 10/10

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     So, there you have it: a summary of the amazing (and horrifying) spoils I collected on Halloween. Hopefully you’ve got a better idea now of which spooky foods are worth eating and which ones are better dumped in the trash. This is Odie, junk food aficionado and future journalist, signing off.

     Addendum from Odie’s mother: Please don’t send him any more candy. He’s hyper enough as it is.