The most fantastic thing in the universe! Circulation: 196,453,062 Issue: 916 | 9th day of Collecting, Y22
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

My Afternoon With Archie

by sylas23


Greetings Neopians far and wide! My name is Sylas the Shoyru and as many of you know, I am an aspiring journalist. As part of my assignment, for upcoming Grarrl Day, I was given a frightening assignment to interview the Grarrl Keno Grarrl! Many of us have seen this truly terrifying being in action, and are familiar with their role, but really how much do you know about this strange Neopet? Well lucky for you all, I went directly to Tyrannia to get the inside scoop of this fascinating creature.

     Sylas the Shoyru: “Good morning! It’s so pleasant to meet you today! My name is Sylas, and I just wanted to say thank you very much for allowing me to conduct this interview. The world of Neopia is very curious about you and the role you have as the Keno conductor. May I ask, what would you like me to call you?”

     The grarrl shifts slightly uncomfortable at this questions, then releases a sigh before he speaks.

     Grarrl Keno Grarrl: “For security reasons, concerning both myself and the newly hatched eggs, we aren’t authorized to speak to our personal identities. However, for the sake of the article, you may call me Archibald, or Archie if you prefer!”

     Sylas the Shoyru: “Oh I completely understand! You must have a hundred stories to tell over the many years you’ve been directing the game, and safety and security are most definitely of utmost importance! Well, it’s an absolute pleasure to meet you Archie. I must once again, thank you for agreeing to be interviewed for all the inquisitive Neopians.”

     Archie: “I can’t really see why everyone is curious about someone as boring as me, but you might as well ask a few questions while you’re here, business is slow after all around this time of day!”

     SS: “Excellent, I really appreciate your cooperation and willingness to answer some of my questions. Typically I will start an interview off asking the subject some personal questions, but due to aforementioned reasons, I understand if you only can answer a few personal things. So if you could just tell me a few things about yourself that would be ok to share.”

     Archie: “Well, I’m not really sure there is anything all that interesting about me. How does one usually go on talking about themselves from a stranger’s perspective? My apologies, sometimes I tend to ramble on.”

     The grarrl smirks and puffs out an exhale of breath, as he laughs to himself at a private joke.

     “This is really more than just a job to me you know, I am the Egg tender to these hatchlings. I take care of each one and even after they hatch, we nurse them to be strong healthy pets! The keno aspect of the entire thing is really just a way to make money to take care of all the newly hatched Grarrlings.”

     SS: “Wow! I never really took the time to consider what happens to all the eggs after they have hatched. It’s good to hear they are well taken care of! There are so many eggs that hatch, where do they all come from? “

     Archie: “Well I am not at liberty to divulge all of the information, for security reasons of course, but I will tell you the program was put in place because it was too cumbersome for each individual family to tend to all of their eggs, and remain productive in society. So you could almost view this place as a nursery of sorts.”

     SS: “Amazing! I never realized how there was such a spirit of community in the game of Grarrl Keno! Many have raised concerns that gambling on the hatching of eggs is exploiting these poor baby Neopets, do you have anything to say in response to these allegations?”

     Archie: “As a matter of fact, I do! I take my job as their caretaker very seriously, and the safety of these eggs is of TOP priority. I view it as a personal affront, anyone who thinks we are mistreating our young in any way! We use all the profits to take care of them and nurture them, to be strong viable Neopets!”

     SS: “Thank you for clearing that up for me Archie! My readers will be very comforted to hear that the eggs, and the grarrl’s hatched afterwards, are being taken care of with the utmost precision.”

     The grarrl scoffs outloud and rolls his eyes.

     SS: “Is something wrong, Archie?”

     Archie: “It’s just the hypocrisy of it all! All of these “well-meaning” Neopians, who are all of a sudden so concerned about the “poor grarrl keno eggs,” are the same ones who were rushing here in droves when we decided to give away an avatar! And these players would come and sit for hours and hours on end. They didn’t even care about the game! They were wagering 1 np bets over and over again, greedily just going for the avatar. Where was their concern then?”

     The grarrl looks slightly sad, as he shakes his head and continues on with the interview

     SS: “Wow! I never even considered the fact than an avatar would cause so much drama!”

     Archie: “Nor did we, we weren’t prepared for how many people would actively pursue the avatar, and we were so crowded we considered retiring the avatar or putting play limits on people. Over time, after the craze of the newest fad had worn off, the workload got more manageable again, within reason of course!”

     SS: “I am so happy to hear things worked out in the end then! My hope is that we can educate more Neopians about the importance of the work you do here. How lucky these little ones are to have such a protective and loving caretaker!”

     Archie: “I do this because I care about the future generation of the grarrl neopet! We have come so far as a species and we will continue to reach new heights! I love each grarrl that hatches, and give them the proper care!”

     SS: “So I have to ask, are there any secrets to winning your game? Any tips or tricks you can give me to help players who want to wager their hard earn neopoints?”

     Archie: “Well this is purely speculation, and it holds no bearing of the truth, but rumours have been strewn about that the eggs on the perimeter are freshly laid, and therefore not as ready to hatch as the ones in the center. Of course it’s just fool’s talk, there is no way to actually tell which one is about to hatch to the player! I think the rumour started because the eggs in the center generated more heat, as they were more surrounded. Either way, any one of them could hatch at any moment so they choice is yours where to place your bet!”

     SS: “That is a very interesting piece of information! Thank you for sharing it with us! And thank you for sharing with us in general today. I really appreciate your hospitality and I just know when this article runs, everyone will have new respect for Grarrl Keno!”

     Archie: “You’re welcome, hopefully people will see that grarrls are not scary, belligerent creatures, but magnificent, intellectual beings that are capable of caring!”

     I wave goodbye to “Archie” with my notepad in my pocket, a grin plastered on my face, just twitching to get home to write the article.


Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Great Grarrls: Grarrg!
Grarrls are a fantastic species. So great, in fact, that I thought it only appropriate that we talk about one of the greatest Grarrls in Neopian history! Collab with sylas23

by aephigaming


Donations for Dacardia
Captain Rourke receives the Neopian donations to rebuild Dacardia. Collab with fishmas and sunbathr

by acara_575


Spot the Differences
7 errors beep beep! Collab with fernandomf and javascripter

by diblila


BLACKOUT with a Vengeance - Part 2
Payback time.

by shellshocks

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.