Comparing Two Cosmic Cafés

      ---LOCATION: Neopia Central---

      Lerlifia: WHY do we have to do this?!

      Christine: Because I need a break from you two! You and Walda have behaved so HORRIBLY lately that you’ll be staying in the Neolodge for two weeks. I need some time without any CHAOS!

      Walda: NO! I REFUSE!

      Christine: You’re going to the Neolodge whether you like it or not.

      Lerlifia: *groan*

      Walda: NO!!! *stomps foot* *screams and throws tantrum*

      Christine: *ignores fuss* Sellescha has graciously agreed to keep an eye on you two at the Neolodge, since the staff there aren’t babysitters. Don’t get sent home on day one, okay?

      Sellescha: I hear the jacuzzis there are nice... You may never want to return.

      Lerlifia: Why is SHE in charge?!

      Christine: Because she actually knows how to behave. Here’s the Neolodge. Let’s go.

      ---The two bratty pets, their better-behaved sister, and their frazzled owner walk through the door.---

      Christine: Three pets for Cockroach Towers, please. Two weeks for each of them.

      Walda: COCKROACH TOWERS?! I WANTED ASTROVILLA!!! *stomps foot*

      Christine: *shakes head* See why you’re here?

      Sellescha: W-Wait! I didn’t agree to stay in a filthy place like Cockroach Towers...

      Christine: It’s not as bad as it sounds.

      Lerlifia: You cheapskate!

      Sellescha: *sigh* There goes my jacuzzi...

      Attendant: Any extras?

      Christine: No.

      Attendant: Your total comes to 210 Neopoints.

      Lerlifia: You are SO CHEAP! I know you can afford better!

      Walda: WAAAAHHHH!!!

      Christine: *turns to Lerlifia* True, but I don’t splurge on brats. You get what you deserve. *puts Neopoints on counter*

      ---The three unhappy pets are led up to the less-than-luxurious suite they share.---

      Walda: YUCK!!! COCKROACHES!!! *sits in the corner and sobs*

      Sellescha: *to attendant* Do I look like a Pteri to you? I don’t eat bugs.

      Attendant: Don’t blame me. This is what your owner paid for.

      Walda: CHEAPSKATE!!!

      Lerlifia: Even I won’t eat a bug.

      Sellescha: I would hope not...

      ---That night, the three pets are struggling to sleep due to all the bugs in their mattresses.---

      Walda: EWWWW!!! I’d rather sleep ON THE FLOOR!!! *grabs pillow and lies down on floor*

      Sellescha: Be my guest.

      Lerlifia: This place is awful!

      Sellescha: I know. I don’t think Christine realizes how horrible it is here.

      Lerlifia: It’s called “Cockroach Towers...” What did she expect?

      Sellescha: Maybe she thought it was just a name or something...

      Lerlifia: We’ve got to bust out of here somehow!

      Sellescha: But the staff will notice we’re gone.

      Lerlifia: No, they won’t. Remember when Christine said the staff weren’t babysitters?

      Sellescha: You’re right... Where would we go, though?

      Lerlifia: How about Kreludor, then the Virtupets Space Station? I’ve always wanted to sample the food there. I’d like to compare the menu offerings at Café Kreludor and Grundo’s Café to see which restaurant I like better. We’ll just make it back before our two weeks are up.

      Sellescha: Can we afford that?

      Lerlifia: *smirks* Yeah. I’ll pay.

      Sellescha: Okay, that sounds like a plan. I can’t wait to get out of this dungeon! *turns to Walda* Walda, what do you think?

      Walda: *snore*

      Lerlifia: I’m glad she was able to fall asleep... I wish I could say the same for myself.

      ---LOCATION: Kreludor---

      Lerlifia: I’m so glad we were able to leave that scummy place.

      Sellescha: I know, right? I think the café is that way.

      Walda: *points excitedly* There it is! *rushes to door*

      ---The three are greeted by an Orange Grundo wearing a chef’s hat and apron with a metal spatula in his hand. The Grundo is surrounded by many strange-looking foods, primarily in orange and purple colours.---

      Orange Grundo: “Grundo’s Café? Bah, that old dump! Café Kreludor is MUCH better. How may I help you?”

      Lerlifia: Hey... Can I sample one of everything on the menu?

      Orange Grundo: ...Really?! Sure, if you can pay for it all...

      Lerlifia: Hey, I don’t need your sass. I’m a foodie. I love trying new food. My owner may be a cheapskate, but I’m not. *shifty eyes* My billing address is...

      ---Lerlifia tells the Grundo where to send the bill.---

      Orange Grundo: Sounds good. I can tell you’re a foodie...

      Lerlifia: *sigh* I have heard ENOUGH of the “chocolate pet” jokes to last a lifetime. Now get me my food.

      Sellescha: Don’t be so rude.

      Orange Grundo: Sure. I will try to get it as fast as I can, but we do have quite a lot of items.

      ---Twenty minutes pass, and Lerlifia is growing impatient.---

      Lerlifia: *storms up to the counter* Where’s my food?!

      Orange Grundo: Right here. Would you like all your food in to-go bags?

      Lerlifia: Do I look like a Grarrl or Skeith to you?! I can’t eat all that at once!

      Orange Grundo: Here you go.

      ---The three sisters return to their hotel room on Kreludor, where they sample all of the food, taking note of their most and least favorite foods.---

      ---Bag of Space Dust---

      Lerlifia: Whose idea was it to just put space dust in a bag and sell it as food?!

      Sellescha: I think it’s a flour substitute for cooking.

      Lerlifia: Well, I’m a foodie, not a cook. I’m too lazy to cook my own meals!

      Sellescha: Well, I’ll cook with it one day when I’m bored.

      Lerlifia: *shrugs* Suit yourself.

      Walda: *happily gazes at space dust* SUGAR! *grabs a handful and stuffs it in her mouth*

      Lerlifia: No, seriously, don’t...

      Walda: EWWWW!!! What IS this stuff?! *starts to sob*

      Sellescha: Space dust.

      Lerlifia: Don’t say I didn’t warn you...

      ---Orange Chocolate Bar---

      Walda: CHOCOLATE!!! *grabs the chocolate and instantly wolfs the whole bar down*

      Lerlifia: *glares at Walda* WALDA!!! I didn’t get any because you hogged the whole thing!

      Walda: *blissfully ignoring Lerlifa while licking orange chocolate off of her lips*

      Sellescha: Anyway, was it good?

      Walda: Well, milk chocolate is my favorite, but this is good, too!

      ---Walda goes off on a sugar rush, running around the hotel room and making a complete mess.---

      Sellescha: Walda! Don’t destroy our room!

      Lerlifia: It’s no good, Sellescha. She’s not listening.

      Sellescha: *chases after her*

      Lerlifia: Good luck trying to outrun a pet with ULTIMATE agility.

      Sellescha: *sigh* You’re right.

      Lerlifia: Anyway, let’s sample the rest of the food.

      ---Asteroid Zeenana Split---

      Lerlifia: Well, this is interesting. This dessert features strawberry, vanilla, and lime scoops of ice cream on a Zeenana, topped with chocolate---

      Walda: CHOCOLATE?! *grabs ice cream and devours it*

      Lerlifia: You brat! I wanted some of the ice cream!

      Sellescha: No. We are not having another sugar rush in which you destroy the room even more. *confiscates ice cream before Walda can eat a sizable amount*

      Walda: WAAAAHHHH!!! YOU BIG MEANIE!!! WAAAAHHHH!!! *crosses arms and sulks*

      Lerlifia: Anyway, I’ll try the Zeenana. *samples fruit* It’s frozen, of course, but that’s what I’d expect from a Zeenana split.

      Walda: *continues tantrum* WAAAAHHHH!!!

      ---Kreludan Grunpop---

      Lerlifia: Wow, it’s the iconic Kreludan Grunpop! It famously represents the shop it comes from, even bearing a likeness to its owner. *tastes candy* This is amazing! It tastes mainly like oranges, but also contains some other fruity flavors that I can’t quite put my finger on. It’s very sweet and truly out of this world!

      Sellescha: Ha, ha, very funny. May I try?

      Lerlifia: I doubt you want it after I tried it...

      Sellescha: Wait, I assumed you bought one for each of us!

      Lerlifia: Nope, since I’m selfish. *smirks while eating Grunpop*

      Sellescha: Wow, you have NO SHAME!

      ---The three pets fall asleep for the night. They wake up the next morning and see the mess that Walda created, reminding them of the night before.---

      Lerlifia: Now that I’ve sampled every food here, let’s fly over to the Virtupets Space Station.

      Sellescha: Hold on. We are NOT leaving the room in this sorry condition for the poor housekeeper to clean. That would be rude and inconsiderate. *starts to pick up trash*

      Lerlifia: Who cares?! They’re paid to pick up after us!

      Sellescha: You are just obnoxious. They are paid to dust, vacuum, make beds, and shine mirrors, not steam clean food and drink stains off of the carpet. *grabs soap and water* I hope I can get this out...

      Lerlifia: Walda and I are outta here, since our shuttle leaves in fifteen minutes. You can stay back if you want. I don’t care.

      Sellescha: Wait... Fifteen minutes?! That’s all?!

      Lerlifia: Yup! Let’s get moving!

      Sellescha: Well, I guess I don’t have time to clean up this mess... I feel really bad about this. *reaches into pocket* *writes note*

      ---Dear Housekeeper: We apologize for the mess. We only had fifteen minutes to catch our shuttle. Hopefully this large tip will be worthy of your forgiveness.---

      Lerlifia: You don’t have to do that.

      Sellescha: Well, Walda didn’t have to make a mess, either.

      ---LOCATION: Virtupets Space Station---

      ---The three pets catch their shuttle and land at the Virtupets Space Station. They check into another hotel, then visit Grundo’s Café. They are greeted by a Mutant Grundo of especially large stature, who is deep-frying a strange, spherical lump.---

      Mutant Grundo: Welcome! I am Gargarox Isafuhlarg, and here at Grundo’s Café, I cook food that is quite literally out of this world! Can I interest you in a Deep-Fried Gormball today?

      Lerlifia: Yeah, since I’m here to sample one of everything on the menu.

      Gargarox: Um, okay. I suppose you are having a party?

      Lerlifia: I wish. I’m a foodie, and just love sampling.

      Gargarox: That makes sense for a Chocolate pet.

      Lerlifia: *sigh* If ONE MORE PERSON makes that joke... *grits teeth*

      Gargarox: Whoa, sorry! Anyway, your total is...

      ---Again, Lerlifia supplies the Shopkeeper with a billing address. She and her sisters wait for around an hour. Walda is bouncing off the walls out of boredom, and Lerlifia is rather cranky.---

      Lerlifia: *storms up to counter* WHERE IS OUR FOOD?!

      Gargarox: Right here, conveniently packaged in to-go bags. I apologize for the long wait, but you did order quite a bit of food...

      Lerlifia: Then hire more people. *scowls*

      ---The three sisters return to their hotel and begin to sample the food.---

      ---Deep-Fried Gormball---

      Lerlifia: Let’s see if that Gormball is any good. *takes a bite* Bleah!!! It’s overcooked. He burnt the outer crispy layer.

      Sellescha: I can tell by the way it looks.

      Lerlifia: Maybe if I peel off the crispy part, it will be good. *peels off crispy layer and eats the inner part* Not bad, but what’s the point of ordering something deep-fried if you can’t enjoy that crispy layer?

      Sellescha: I don’t eat that stuff anyway. That Healthy Food Shopkeeper in Neopia Central, whatever his name is, would be aghast.

      Lerlifia: His name is Quinton. We are on a first-name basis because I go just about anywhere to sample new foods!

      Sellescha: *gazes at galactic surroundings* You can say that again.

      ---Freeze-Dried Fruit Platter---

      Sellescha: Another item straight from Quinton’s nightmares.

      Lerlifia: Come on, this can’t be THAT bad for you...

      Sellescha: But someone took nice, juicy, healthy fruit and flat-out ruined it by dehydrating it and coating it with sugar.

      Walda: Sugar? *grabs a piece of fruit off the platter and eats it* I can’t chew this... *sobs*

      Lerlifia: *samples fruit* She’s right. It may be sweet, but I can’t chew it, since it has the consistency of rubber. What is in this strange food, anyway?

      Sellescha: It might actually be rubber. Sometimes, unscrupulous “cooks” coat rubber in faerie dust to make it taste better. Remember the Heart-Shaped Negg you tried in Neopian Times Issue 856?

      Lerlifia: Ugh... Now it makes sense. I wish people would stop doing that...

      Walda: BLEAH!!!

      ---Vegetable Deluxe---

      Sellescha: Quinton is off sobbing in a corner somewhere. Seriously. If this is made out of vegetables, then I’m related to Queen Fyora.

      Lerlifia: You wish. *samples food* It’s very fatty and rich. They must have loaded it with cheese or something... I actually like this one.

      Sellescha: But there are little to no vegetables. Talk about false advertising!

      Lerlifia: Owners have to get finicky baby Neopets like Walda to eat their veggies somehow!

      Walda: *turns head* Did someone say my name?

      Lerlifia: Yeah. Want a big hunk of melted cheese?

      Walda: It’s not chocolate, but I guess I’ll try it... *eats food* Not bad.

      Sellescha: Bad for you, though.

      Lerlifia: Seriously, are you Quinton for the day?! Let us eat our pile of fat in peace.

      Sellescha: *shakes head* Don’t say I didn’t warn you...

      ---Lunar Grunpop---

      Lerlifia: Ah, the iconic counterpart to the Kreludan Grunpop. Will this one be as good? *tries Grunpop* I’m not a fan. The grape and sour apple flavors don’t exactly complement each other.

      Walda: Sour apple?! YUCK!!! I don’t want one!

      Sellescha: It’s not great for you either, but I suppose I can have a little of it. This time, I made sure to get one for each of us. *tries Grunpop* It’s alright. I agree about the combination of flavors. They aren’t made to go together...

      ---The three pets finish eating all of the different foods.---

      Lerlifia: So, which café do you think is better?

      Sellescha: Café Kreludor, since the food isn’t quite as bad for you.

      Walda: Café Kreludor. CHOCOLATE!!!

      Lerlifia: I think that each café had both good and bad menu items. My favorites were the Kreludan Grunpop and Vegetable Deluxe.

      ---The next morning, the three pets awaken in their hotel room, and are about to leave for Neopia Central when Sellescha has an objection.---

      Sellescha: Look at all the paper plates and boxes from the food we ate last night strewn across the floor. We are not leaving the room like this.

      Lerlifia: Again, I don’t know why you care. Let the housekeepers earn their paycheck!

      Sellescha: You and Walda are the two rudest, most spoiled, most entitled pets I know. *starts to pick up trash* Could you please help?

      Lerlifia: No way. *starts to brush hair*

      Sellescha: No wonder Christine sent you to Cockroach Towers...

      ---LOCATION: Neopia Central---

      Lerlifia: Wow, it looks like we made it back in the nick of time. Christine is approaching to pick us up. How do we sneak in without being seen?

      Walda: *grabs an item out of her bag* Here, let’s use my Kacheek Inviso-Cloth.

      Lerlifia: Good for you and Sellescha, but I’m a Draik, so it doesn’t work on me...

      Walda: Not my problem!

      Sellescha: Walda, that’s not very nice. We’re not leaving her all by herself...

      Christine: *approaches pets* Hi again. Did you come outside to greet me?

      Lerlifia: *smirks* Um, yes.

      Sellescha: *glares at Lerlifia*

      Christine: *turns to Sellescha* Did Lerlifia and Walda behave themselves?

      Sellescha: *sigh* Not at all.

      Lerlifia: *scowls* You were supposed to answer “yes!”

      Christine: *sigh* I guess some people never change. Let’s go home.

      ---LOCATION: Brightvale---

      A few weeks later, Christine and her pets are at their Neohome when Sellescha walks in with a large, thick envelope in her hand.

      Sellescha: Christine, something came in the mail for you.

      Christine: What’s this? *opens envelope* WHAT IS THIS?! A 22-page bill totaling over ONE MILLION NEOPOINTS!!! Purchases made in Kreludor and at the Virtupets Space Station! Shuttle bills, hotel bills, tons of food... *glares at Lerlifia* It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who bought over TWO HUNDRED DIFFERENT FOODS... *grits teeth*

      Sellescha: *scowls at Lerlifia* You said you were paying!

      Walda: Even I know that stealing is wrong!

      Lerlifia: Ummmm... *runs out door*

      Christine: You’re not off the hook for this!

      Sellescha: *sigh* Christine, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know she was cheating you. I shouldn’t have believed her when she said she was paying...

      Christine: You don’t need to apologize for what your sister did. That’s not your fault. Why did the three of you run off, anyway?

      Sellescha: That tower was literally full of nasty cockroaches... They were in the beds... We couldn’t sleep.

      Christine: *raises eyebrows* Really?! The Health Department allows that?! They shouldn’t! I thought it was just an ugly name to scare pets into behaving better so they don’t end up there.

      Sellescha: Nope... It was really bad.

      Christine: Well... I don’t blame you for leaving, then. Sorry I sent you there. However, I DO blame Lerlifia for spending over a million Neopoints of MY MONEY without permission! I will get that money back, whether she likes it or not!

      ---THE END... or is it?---